Lets try this again: Our Twilight New Year’s Resolutions 2010

Dear whoever

Last year in our infancy we decided to make some New Year’s Resolutions for LTT and LTR and ourselves and since we love accountability almost as much as Kellan does we audited out Resolutions in July and today we’re going to evaluate how we did and then make our 2010 Resolutions!

First up how much did we fail on our 2009 Resolutions

FAIL!

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town
Verdict: FAIL – we never made it to the Olympic Peninsula and we were never named honorary members of the Quiliuete tribe.
UC/Moon: 0          People who want us to fail: 1

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon
Verdict: Sorta not fail… I mean we were at the premiere and we did see the cast and we could SEE the red carpet but weren’t officially ON it. NEXT YEAR!!
UC/Moon: .5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make
Verdict: WIN. We ruled at these sorta related to, sorta not related to musical events. Not only did we see these bands and report back with our own story times we even saw ROB at a couple of these shows.
UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

Fail and fail!

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)
Verdict: This is a HALF fail because obviously she didn’t publish it in 2009 BUT we did find out she reads LTT AND she mentioned Midnight Sun on her Oprah Interview because her Mom loves the Edward POV. So If we combine our powers (like Captain Planet) with Stephenie’s Moms maybe… just MAYBE someday (in like 20 years) we will be able to read ALL of Midnight Sun.
UC/Moon: 2          People who want us to fail: 2

See the rest of our report card and read out 2010 resolutions!

The Twilight saga: Cast New Year’s Resolutions

Dear people ready to celebrate a new year,

Do you do the New Year’s resolution thing? I usually do. Last year I resolved to drink only 2 diet cokes per week. I did pretty well. Well, except for April-October when I had a relapse and was drinking at least one per day. But now I’m back to my commitment to lay off the DC, and I usually only drink it if it’s available in a soda fountain. I’m still pondering my resolutions for 2010, but you can bet your bottom dollar meeting Big Daddy Lautner is on top of the list.

I got a chance to *talk* with a bunch of the cast/characters from the Twilight saga and I asked them what everyone is dying to know: What are your 2010 New Year’s Resolutions?

Michael Welch– I’m going to lay off the chips and try to lose that thing where it looks like I stuffed marshmallows in my cheeks. “Team Marshmallow” is cool and all, but I’m going for more of a Rob Pattinson-type chiseled face look in 2010.

Justin Chon– I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the  ‘bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia

Buttcrack Santa– In 2010 I’m going to be looking for a girl a little bit older than my usual to share those little bottles with. Maybe someone 14 instead of 12. I’m also going to try to reinvent myself and show a little less crack. I like the ring of “”Armpit Hair Santa,” and I might try to bring the white-mesh wife beater back in style

Ashley Greene– Well, 2009 was successful with my naked picture scandal, so my 2010 resolution is to kick it up a notch with a sex tape leak. In part 2 of my resolution I hope that the scandal involves a B-list celebrity this time rather than some of the D & C-listers I’ve been known to f*ck

Kristen Stewart– This year I plan to have much better hair. I’d also like to prove all those critics who talk me up right by starring in a great movie that gets me a legitimate award nomination like that other Twilight actress…. what’s her name again?

Anna Kendrick–Anna Kendrick wasn’t available for comment as she’s busy being a real actress, but we caught up with her manager who told us:
In 2010 Anna plans to continue her reign as the only actor to come out of the Twilight saga worth her paycheck as an actress. She might possibly say “no” to filming Breaking Dawn and instead star in next year’s Oscar Best Picture winner. Rob Pattinson can sit behind her next year!

See the rest after the jump!

The Best of Twilight in 2009! Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Twihards,

Yesterday, we started our Best of Twilight in 2009 list cause well, who doesn’t love those end-of-the year lists? I know I do. Were you worried we’d miss some of your best of 2009’s in the Twi-dom? Well, have no fear cause we’re back to finish out the list…

Review 10-6 in our countdown of the Best of Twilight in 2009…

10. Oscars
09. Britpack
08. HB/Vanity fair
07. Vancouver
06. Remember Me
c

Now let's really make every Twilight fan faint as if shirtless Tay wasn't enough

05. MTV Music Video Awards – May 31st 2009 will live in infamy for many reasons. Not only were we treated to the very first mini trailer for New Moon in which we got to see Jacob with his shirt off, Jacob looking hot and Jacob fursploding for the very first time then we got to see Kristen pull a Bella and drop her award on the ground but Rob and Kristen won best kiss. And oh how the fandom died a little inside when they faked us all out with their cockblock of a kiss. Of course this spiraled out of control and took the whole “are they or aren’t they”/Robsten vs Nonsten speculation to  meteoric levels. Oh and UC and Moon got the honor of live blogging the event for almost 50,000 folks with our fave blogger pals New Moon Movie, Twicrack Addict and Lauren’s Bite.
c

So I was like grrrrrrrl just wait till he takes off that cream colored sweater to reveal that sleeveless button up... HMMM MMMM

04. Stephenie Meyer mentions LTT – The day Stephenie Meyer wrote her blog recounting her summer vacation will remain one of the best days in all of LTT history and one of the best moments of 2009 (and maybe in my life). Hidden amidst stories of her summer reading list and music she was currently listening to was a short blip about websites she had recently found where she cryptically mentioned adding “LTT” to her “stalk list” and thanked us for the “laugh lines.” At that moment we knew Stephenie “got it.” She got that we loved her stories, her characters and HER but that we also loved all funny little things too. Our work and time and obsession was worth it because the author of the books we were so in love with had apparently read us AND liked us enough to mention us on her site and add us to some sort of “stalk list.” Which I can only imagine is magically stored some place between the phone number for Robert Pattinson and the finished manuscript for Midnight Sun along with the outlines for post Breaking Dawn saga additions and the Alice and Jasper backstory. *crosses fingers and adds this to my prayer request list*

What will make the top three best of Twilight 2009 list? Follow the cut to see!

The best of Twilight in 2009! Part 1

Dear LTT-ers and Twi-hards,

2009 has been a crazy year to say the least. We saw a movie about teenage vampires blow away box office records. We saw a boy become a movement and show us what Team Jacob was really all about. We saw a fandom divide down the middle over the “are they, or aren’t they” relationship of two costars. And we saw our beloved little saga explode into a cultural phenomenon. Since it’s the end of the year and everyone’s creating bes-of lists we’ve decided to create our own Best of Twilight in 2009 list…

Worth the dead blackberry

10. The Oscars – Sure Robert Pattinson was asked to present and sure he showed up and sat behind crazy Mickey Rourke and next to girl-crush Tina Fet but I think what makes this a memorable 2009 moment was that he wore the ef out of that dolce tux and that night we racked up our highest number of comments ever with almost 900 responses from you yahoos. This was also the night my blackberry died from comment overload. Word to the wise when a big event such as Rob being at the Oscars happens, turn OFF the comment alerts on your mobile phone.

Hey, you guys got a shirt I can borrow?

09. The Britpack – More often than not a Britpack concert will be the desired meet up spot of not only LTT gals but of Twilight fans in general. Trying to find a Twilight fan at a Sam/Bobby/Marcus show is like shooting fish in a barrel. Not that you’ll EVER hear any of them actually performing their “Twilight” song live at one of these shows, but they’re pretty talented musicians, they play shows at bars with alcohol and they’re pretty easy on the eyes, so why not? These men and their music spawned fan sites, a pyramid scheme street team and a manbang movement.

I got an idea, let's break Twitter and then I'll choke you out

08. Harpers Bazaar/ Vanity Fair Photoshoots – AKA the day of Twitter overload and back to back breaking it down segments between UC and Moon. Between the Cape Cod-esque deliciousness of the Vanity Fair spread and the Hefty bag couture of the Harper’s shoot there was weeks and weeks worth of blog fodder to work with. Not only did we slather ourselves in clarified butter and dream of threesomes at Gayhead but we debated (again) the validity of Robsten, created their fake engagement photo and started a sitcom just for them and stoners everywhere.

OMG I totally hope someone sees us, I mean doesn't see us!

07. Vancouver – 2nd only to a Britpack concert for a fan meet up was the lovely city of Vancouver. These poor Canadians didn’t know what they were in for when production of New Moon (and eventually Eclipse) was moved to their fair city. Paparazzi mobs, roid-raging teen wolves roaming the street and questionable musicians suddenly making tour stops. Vancouver was the site of much debauchery and monumental moments such as: Taytay’s doomed love affair with a Disney princess, KStew and Oregano’s one last failed attempt at faking their relationship and my favorite: Elizabeth Reaser and Nikki Reed’s chronic addiction to “accidentally” being photographed drinking smoothies and wearing work out clothes with hoods so that they appeared to be simultaneously “one of the people” but “trying to escape the paparazzi.” Good try gals, you ALMOST had us fooled. Next time don’t keep the paparazzi number on speed dial.

Respect Staten Island fangirls!!

06. Remember Me – Not only was this the first movie Rob shot after Twilight but it was arguably (past and present) the most photographed movie set ever. Every day we were inundated with gabillions of new photos from the set which caused us to ruminate on what this film could be about, whether Emilie de Ravin was tappin’ dat azzzzzz and why Rob punching someone was hot but probably the most memorable moment from Rob’s time in New York City over summer 2009 that is still talked about to this day would have to be cabgate and those crazy pyscho lunatic girls. Oh em gee, Rob got “hit by a cab” and “attacked” by some fangirls from Long Island? What should we do? I know! Freak out on Twitter and start a Respect Campaign. Duh.

Stay tuned for the rest of our countdown this week and we look back at 2009 and make resolutions for 2010!

Goodbye 2009!
Themoonisdown

What will we include on the rest of our countdown? Has ANYTHING happened in the Twi world since like November? Are you dying like we are?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Christmas messages from the Twilight cast

Dear LTTers,

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a little TwiPorn to get us in the spirit!!! Wait- are you allowed to say “Porn” and “Christmas” in the same sentence? Does that guarantee me a ticket to that firey place? Oh well. Looking at that 3rd picture, it might be worth it!

Love,
UC & Moon

See more after the jump!

Christmas Caroling with the Cullens

Dear LTTers,

How are you!? Stuffed? Tired? Are you wearing your new clothes and playing your new CDs and watching your new DVDs? Good. Moon & I are busy with our families this weekend, but have no fear! We don’t plan to stop the holiday celebration. In fact, we both printed out today’s caroling lyrics and plan to lead our families in many rousing choruses throughout the day. So don’t stop the holiday celebrations! Get back in the spirit by singing the following Christmas carols with more appropriate lyrics!

“I’m Dreaming of a Black Christmas” Listen to the Real song here

Now that Edward is back, Bella spends less time with Jake. She’s not as happy as Stephenie Meyers makes her seem. And the holidays are especially tough. Bella is all sentimental…. wishing for more time with Jake. And so she sings this tune….

Who invited Buttcrack Santa?

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas
Just like they have down on the res
Where Emily bakes her muffins
and jorts are in fashion
and everyone does what Sam Uley says

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas
Just like when that wolf was my best friend
I won’t even throw a face punch
when he tries to kiss me
really, he wouldn’t be a bad boyfriend

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas
Every time Emmett jokes that I’m his snack
May your days be 110 degrees and laidback
And may all your Christmases be Black

Sing more tunes after the jump!

Merry Christmas from LTT and the Twilight gang!

Click to enlarge and print for your fridge

Dear Twilight and our awesome LTT readers,

What are you doing online?! It’s Christmas! Instead of writing a letter for today we decided to “send” you a Christmas card to help spread the joy. Enjoy today and we’ll see you back here next week.  We’ll be featuring some fun posts this weekend with the help of our great gals in the forum so check back when you’re stuffed on leftovers and need a little break from your creepy uncle Rob and pestering aunt Edna.

Merry Christmas!!
Moon and UC

PS Don’t miss out on our LTR Christmas Card!

Our internet game is still ridiculous (and our Kung Fu is STILL strong): The Forum, LTR, Twitter

We wish you a Cullen Christmas

Dear LTTers,

Merry Christmas Eve! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, merry time of year when everyone says “Merry Christmas” to you and you look at them and say, “But I don’t celebrate Christmas” and they stare back at you, not understanding, in a santa hat!

Moon and I have objected ourselves to 2nd-hand embarrassment, yet again, to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Love,

UC & Moon

After the jump, read all the wonderful lyrics penned by @Brookelockart, Moon & myself. Print them out and have a family sing-a-long around the dinner table tomorrow!

The Lautner Family Christmas letter

Today, we’re bringing you a very special family Christmas letter:

December 2009                     Issue 19, Vol 4

Family trip to the jersey shore in 06

To our Family, friends, and all the folks over at BigDaddyFan.net,

Been a big year for the Lautner family. May have heard about all the successes young Taylor has had. It’s been great having a lot of young beauties hanging around. I can get lonely ever since Debbie left. I’ve been trying to get back out on the dating scene. When Debbie split I thought I’d just hit a couple hockey games with the son, maybe hop a plane over to ol’ Pari’, breakout the handheld and find a companion, but it seems Taylor has more luck in that department. Not that I’m complaining. This blonde that has been hanging around lately is a real cutie. We have this inside joke where I goose her every time she walks by. She gets a kick out of that. Haven’t seen her in awhile come to think… They seem to be spending a lot of time over at her place. Hmm.. I’ll have to cook her up my world famous “Big Daddy triple pounder, double fried burger with pepperjack, mozzarella & swiss cheese burgers” to entice her to come around more.

You may have heard that I’ve taken some time away from the airline industry. The company no longer felt it safe for me to hook two seatbelts together to stay in the pilot seat and there wasn’t room in the budget for a bigger belt. Just need to drop another 40-50 and I can retake my tests and hopefully get back up there in the air

News from the around the Valley: I’ve been really busy volunteering for city council. You might remember me mentioning last year I started the one-man restaurant team. We lobby for the best eats to be brought into the neighborhood and try to keep In-N-Out from growing their territory. What kind of restaurant only has 4 things on their menu? I don’t care what kind of secret menu you might find if you use the world wide web, I like having options when I go out to dine. Plus, I’d never set foot into an establishment without a fish sandwich on the menu. Why wouldn’t you have a fish sandwich, In-N-Out? Don’t you know some people like a change from the triple pounder from time to time? Anyway, we had great success this year protesting a local independent theater that was showing Super-Size-Me. That’s just propaganda no one needs to hear.

I’d include some recent pictures or a video of the kids, but I’ve been a little busy using the camcorder to film all the hot European chicks Taylor and I ran across during his press tour. I also ran out of memory on my digital camera after taking a picture of every Fish-o-Filet I’ve eaten in the last year (for a promotional video on the restaurant team section of the city council website. It’ll be up here real soon: valleycitycouncil.web.us.gov/team/misc/citizenoutreach.html/fishsandwiches.webs) I gotta get over to the Radio Shack to figure out how to add more memory to this camera. But if you really care to know what Taylor looks like, just peek at the posters on every bus stop- he pretty much looks like that in real life. Makena is growing up nicely. I think she looks more and more like her ol’ pop every day!

A healthy debate: Kristen Stewart’s Acting

Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.

Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,

Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?

Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it

The beginning

Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s.  I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.

Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....

And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)

New Moon

I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:

Click for awesomeness

So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“)