Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Prom Edward

Honey, tilt your date a little, he's glaring in the flash!

Dear Girl going to prom with a cut out Edward,

I’m sure the reason you’re going to prom with a cardboard cutout stems from some really awful “Mean Girls” type story where your best friend stole your prom date / best friend / wanna be boyfriend (a la ME) in High School and you were forced to improvise and this is what you came up with, but I gotta just say it, if you’re gonna do this you gotta go hard or go home.

Why doesn’t the cardboard Edward have a tweed jacket on, or better yet why didn’t you take the cardboard New Moon Edward in his tweed suit with you instead of Twilight Edward in his shirtsleeves? And how are you going to pin a boutonniere on him? You’re just going to spend all night re-duct taping it to his flat chest. And what about when you two are grinding on the dance floor to “Bedrock?” That flower is just gonna keep falling off.  I mean how is this even plausible? And your dress, that’s not a combination of black, white or red OR an exact replica of movie Bella’s prom get up. And I see NO ribbon ties on your shoes. I mean, do you even know anyone named Alice!?

If you were serious you would have hired the real Edward to escort you in a tux and give you his mothers old corsage (dried flowers are in) and if you really wanted to make the girls and boys jealous you’d bring along Jacob too! The ultimate love triangle at the Prom in Anytown, USA, like this girl…

Take it from the master honey, follow her example and you’ll be all set for Homecoming next year!

A Night To Remember!
Themoonisdown

HAPPY WEEKEND! Did you go to Prom? If not, do you regret it (I don’t!) What was the theme? What would a Twilight themed Prom entail besides total and utter lunacy and embarrassment?

Thanks Failblog!

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Eclipse Soundtrack Tracklisting! Insert excitement here! Every hour on the hour (ish)

Dear Eclipse Soundtrack Folks-

Um, by now I’m sure you know our crazy love for the soundtracks and breaking them down like a nutjob to the infinite degree, so of course you know we’re waiting with bated breath for you to release the hounds the tracklisting today. BUT being good followers of Stephenie Meyer you’ve mastered the art of the cock block and want to guarantee repeat visits, you have decided to release ONE TRACK an hour starting at 8AM Pacific Time (holla WEST COAST!) today on MYSPACE. Now, MYSPACE?! That’s another letter for a whole other day (or year), but COME ON!!! So now this is how it’s going to work, I’m going to be updating this letter through out the day to include all the latest announcements and artists on the sound track and hopefully give you some samples and scene ideas I think they might use the song in…

Until then let’s start with what we know and then some guesses…

Lead single…

Muse: Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever) – Besides having the best name ever and being SMeyer’s ladyboner band, I’m secretly hoping they use that picture of the Edward Cullen Neutron of the Shire as the single cover. Here’s a total cockblock of a sample of Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever) (say that ten times fast! you will be tested June 30).


Why yes, what a lovely piano tinkling sound.
*updated: supposed leak of the song HERE doesn’t sound like the same key, but I’ll let you decide*

Some other Muse tunes to hold you over since we know what they sound like… Starlight, Knights of Cydonia

Jesse & Joy: Magic & Desire – This was reported by Eclipse Movie (and some others but we love our bb Eclipse Movie) that Jesse and Joy, a latin band would be contributing a song to the soundtrack. This makes me wonder two things… where is this going to end up in the soundtrack? Maybe a Jasper/Maria scene? Or is this song only on Soundtracks in Latin America, since we learned that certain tracks only make it onto soundtracks in specific world areas. We shall see!


Jesse & Joy – Mi Sol
Love the totally emo graphics the video maker used. ANARCHY!!!!

This is quite beautiful and now I’m even more convinced whatever “Magic & Desire” is it will be included on a Latin America only version of the soundtrack. If Jessie & Joy had been more Rodrigo y Gabriella flavored I might be more inclined to think it could be for a certain scene but now I’m not so sure. Unless they do an english language song (like ‘And then there was you’ below) Dang, listen to these guys! They’re great!

Other Jesse & Joy: Adios, And Then There Was You

*UPDATED*

1. Metric – “Eclipse (All Yours)
UC will be jumping for joy with the news that Metric will be on the Soundtrack. Her fake lesbian lover is Emily Haines.

Metric can kinda go either way with the up beat stuff or the more ballad-y songs… should be interesting and good call on just being obvious and titling the song Eclipse. Lest we forget what movie this is for…
Other Metric: Help I’m Alive, Twilight Galaxy (heh, someones a fan!)

2. Muse: Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever)
OMG! didn’t see this one coming…see above…

3. The Bravery – “Ours”
The Bravery are super upbeat and rocky, this is a fun inclusion though they’re not rock in the traditional sense this could be something at the graduation party or maybe a cool chase or driving scene

Love this title!
More from The Bravery: Unconditional, Believe

4. Florence and the Machine – Heavy In Your Arms
So quality. I just saw Florence on Live at Abbey Road sessions the other day and can’t wait to hear “Heavy In Your Arms” she can really howl… speaking of…

Howl from Florence and the Machine

She such a strong female it almost makes me want to think about someone like Leah or maybe when Bella grows a pair…

More FATM: You’ve Got The Love, Hurricane Drunk

5. Sia – My Love
Now we all know everyone’s love affair with her song “Breathe Me” which was probably the best ever synch on 6 Feet Under a few years back but call me crazy I want to see some whacky Sia… or like Zero 7 Sia!


More Sia: Gimme More (cover of Britney) Destiny (zero 7)

6. Fanfarlo – Atlas
If I wasn’t freaking before I defs am now! Welcome to one of my favorite bands! UGH! Amazing. I usually don’t fan girl out over Twilight (says the girl who writes a blog about Twilight), but we’re talking the MUSIC, and it’s GOOD music!

UPDATED:

Atlas performed live earlier this year. (Thanks Lula!)


My fave Fanfarlo song The Walls Are Coming Down

More Fanfarlo: In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (cover of another of my faves: Neutral Milk Hotel)

7. The Black Keys – “Chop And Change
Oh the Black Keys you are great…

(For Carter)

8. The Dead Weather – “Rolling in on a Burning Tire”
Dayum finally some (probably) hard ass music. Jack White kills in yet another side project band. We all know from David Slade’s tweets he had a director boner for them while filming in Vancouver, so good on him for making it happen. And besides anyone who names an album “Whorehound” is good peoples.

Alison Mosshart is a badass bitch throw her in with Jack and some others from Queens of the Stone Age and the Rancetouers and this is a SUPER group!

More from The Dead Weather: Treat Me Like Your Mother, I Cut Like A Buffalo

9. Beck and Bat For Lashes – “Let’s Get Lost
UMMMM as we saw from  the Bon Iver / St. Vincent track from New Moon this collaboration could be redonkulous. Though I haven’t been a huge Beck fan for the last album or so I LOVE his album Sea Changes and couple that with my lady lover Natasha Khan (aka Bat for Lashes) and we have the makings of something that could be awesome!


Natasha will creep you out in the best way possible with What’s A Girl To Do?

More Bat for Lashes: Her cover of Use Somebody (one of my faves)

Beck

The Golden Age

More Beck: Girl, Sex Laws

10. Vampire Weekend – “Jonathan Low
If UC would be peeing her pants over Metric, I will be peeing my pants over Vampire Weekend. Heck yea Ezra is my lover! I’ve kinda always hoped they’d end up on a Twilight soundtrack but knew it might be a slim chance because of the kitsch factor with the name but HALLELUJAH we have some Vampire Weekend!

Now VW can go both ways (TWSS) and I love them for it. They have a very, (I’m reluctant to use the word) ‘world’ ish vibe to their music that is very danceable  but then they can lay on the sweet jams. Because I love them so I’m giving you some extras here!


Giving up the gun


Probs my fave VW song ever… California English Pt 2

More Vampire Weekend: Cousins, Kids Don’t Stand a Chance, WalcottCape Cod Kwassa Kwassa I told you I liked them. Now don’t go stealing my bf Ezra!

11. UNKLE – “With You In My Head (featuring The Black Angels)”
Brit band of greatness…


Be There

12. Eastern Conference Champs – “A Million Miles An Hour”
Hey, Philly folks here’s a band from your neck of the woods and one I don’t know much about so let’s take a listen…


The Box

More ECC: Sideways Walking

13. Band of Horses – “Life on Earth”
Who wants the sads? These boys bring them with their music. Need a fix before June 8th, their new album comes out next Tuesday!


The Funeral
One of my fave songs from back in the day, used to listen to this when I drove to work.

More BOH: No One’s Gonna Love You

14. Cee-Lo Green – “What Part Of Forever
WWWHHHAAATTT>>!! CEE-LO GREEN?! Shit just got REAL interesting! For those not in the know, Cee-Lo is the other half of Gnarls Barkley and original member of Goodie Mob and boy can he SANG. Not just sing, SANG. Shall this be some sorta romantic soul moment? Engagement anyone? ORRR ORRR maybe the big kiss off between Bella and Jacob?! God that would be gut wrenchingly awesome!


Who’s gonna save my soul (Gnarls Barkley)

Cee-Lo is soul through and through but it’s soul that’s taken a ride on a space ship.

More Cee-Lo: Under the Influence, I’ll be Around, Going On (Gnarls Barkley). Spend the Night In Your Mind

15. Howard Shore – “Jacob’s Theme”
Dude, this is the guy who wrote the Lord of the Rungs score, I think we’re gonna be in good hands!

The Shire

I REALLY loved Alexandre Desplat’s Jacob’s Theme so I’m interested to see if Howard keeps any of the same tone or theme or does a whole new theme… we do get a different Jacob in Eclipse after all

Who will NOT make the cut…
100 Monkeys – They couldn’t write a song that wasn’t improvised, so every song they tried to record was different and NO ONE wanted to hear a song about a wolf threesome, Mrs. Cope’s menopause or what’s for lunch in the Forks High School Cafeteria. For serious.

Anyone from the Brit Pack, Sage, Mitch Hanson whoever, etc etc – For obvious reasons, do we even need to go into this?

Robert Pattinson – because he’s a big pansy and can’t put on his big boy Marks & Spencer underwear and give us a flippin’ song! UGH.

I’ve got my fingers and toes and legs and whatever else I can cross, crossed that this soundtrack will be as freaking awesome as the New Moon Soundtrack was. That soundtrack blew ours and every other music lover/snobs socks off and now that Alex Patsavas and the Twilight crew can demand original content from HUGE, awesome, credible artists I really can’t contain myself to see what kind of coup her and her team pulls off for Eclipse.

IS IT JUNE 8TH YET?!
Themoonisdown

Yes, I will be updating this as we find out the artists on the soundtrack and giving you the 411 and some tracks to listen to! Get excited! I am!!!!!! I live for this stuff! Any favorites or speculation you want to throw out there? What artists do you think are perfect for Eclipse?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Monday Funnies: Twilight Tattoo Freaks Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Crazy Insane Twihards with a need for ink,

Last summer we wrote a post that highlighted the best and worst of the Twilight themed tattoos we could find on the web… you guys responded and it remains one of our most popular posts almost a year later. Of course last summer was a bit more innocent and not as many folks knew about Twilight like now… so when I went to search for something the other day and saw new tattoos floating around I knew it was time we revisit the best and worst of Twilight tattoos…

(click to enlarge these to witness full size crazy)


Oh hey there crazy New Moon fan, you have a ruffled Tulip growing out of your armpit. You might wanna get that checked out.


Reminiscent of  the NM tattoo, this girl went ahead and straight up tattoo-ed the entire section from the “moonless night” part of New Moon. Sure, this is commitment but now I’m just waiting to see some girl do full sleeves of all the words from the saga. DO IT someone. COMMIT or else your shit is WEAK!


From the badass mother effer file comes my favorite Twilight tattoo so far. Nothing says “I will ef your shiz so fast” like a “Cullen” knuckle tatt. FORKS REPRESENT!


From the “I took a couple Literature classes and look at my lace panties” file we have the “Fire & Ice” tattoo along with something from Edna St Vincent Millay, Shakespeare, and a partridge and a pear tree and someones rib cage.


Next to Jimmy Neutron/Edward of the Shire tattoo, this one of my next favorite portrait tattoo. This Edward has a hot ass mullet and a wonk eye. I’m think this girl took in our “picture” of the dealbreaker Rob mullet. So sexy.

and now… witness the piece de resistance

Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart we have the tattoo that was emailed to us at least 2390492034 times last week! Bonus points for it actually looking like Robert Pattinson is hiding in the back of this woman’s White Stag sweater at Walmart. Negative points for her being able to buy 96 cent KoolAid and me not having a Walmart within reasonable driving distance.

Oh Monday, with these Tattoos you are somewhat bearable. SOMEWHAT. You know what would make it more bearable? For Rob to pull out that guitar and start playing… but I guess we’ll have to settle for some tattoos in the meantime.

CULLEN PRIDE!
Themoonisdown

Are you planning your Twilight tattoo? What would you get? I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Tweed Edward vs High-School Edward

I’m almost home! Have you missed me? Probably not, because I posted some pretty kick-ass fan letters this week. THIS ONE is not any different!


Dear Summit Execs/Twilight & New Moon hair, makeup & wardrobe people:

Allow me to introduce myself:  I’m a thirty-something married mom.  Middle class, suburbs, Midwesterner, blah blah blah.  All I’m missing is the minivan and that’s only because that would cramp my style.  But I digress.  My purpose of writing is to discuss with you the urban myth of women hitting their sexual primes in their 30s.  When I turned 30, my husband waited with baited breath but as I was 4 days away from going into labor with our 2nd child, there was no sexual awakening that night.  The next year, same thing-hubs crossing the digits-but apparently taking care of a 3 year old and a 1 year old doesn’t make you frisky.  Who knew??  Another year or two or four went by and the husband was like a kid who has found out Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

Then in April 2009, I picked up Twilight.  I started reading it one night in bed while the hubs was snoring next to me, probably dreaming of Farrah Fawcett (holdover adolescent crush, RIP Jill Munroe).  I read through a few chapters and was intrigued but not hooked.  Yet.  That next night, I had a naughty dream about Edward and woke up………IN LOVE.

Cue obsession with all things Robward.

Cue voracious reading of consecutive novels in “The Saga” and the first of MANY viewings of Twilight.

Cue husband’s disdain (jealousy?) of my obsession.

Cue my discovery of the “fade to black” blanks filled in via *speaks reverently* FAN FICTION.

Cue………sexual prime!

See husband’s happy face as he finds out “Yes, Virginia, Santa DOES exist.”

Myth busted, Summit.  With a little help from a fictional character from  young adult novels, of course.

So why the hell am I writing to you, Summit execs and movie hair/makeup/wardrobe people, you ask?  Because as a newly inducted member of the “Sexual Prime Club” who fantasizes about sharpening her claws, I find myself noticing young adult men in ways I never did.  (That’s normal, right?  And I did say “adult.”)  Twilight allowed me to perv on a hot, hot, hot seventeen-year-old who is really a 108-year-old vampire but portrayed by a 23-year-old man!  GENIUS!  WIN for cougars everywhere.  I can fantasize but it’s legal.  I can lust but there’s no threat of jail time and ridicule from my peers.  (Well, there’s always ridicule but no threat of “pedophile” spray-painted on my driveway.)  I can perv without a visit from Chris Hansen.

This kiss gave me the chills.  He sneaked into her bedroom!  How hot to my thirty-something old self that knows how creepy it should be! “I just wanna try one thing” INDEED!

The T shirt.  That tight jaw.  The bad-boy sheepish grin.  The crazy driving.  The stalking and voyeurism.  It’s like someone read my 14-year-old self’s diary!

Then…..New Moon happened.  (And some particularly angst-ridden FF.  And some dreaded Christmas shopping. And flu season.)

Allow this chart to illustrate:

How Twilight/New Moon affected my sex life:

This is supposed to keep my sexual prime going strong?

WTF, Summit?  Where did that hot, hot, hot high school boy go?  I don’t WANT to crush on my college Anthropology professor!  I don’t WANT to fantasize about chalk dust on tweed.  I don’t WANT to role-play getting an A for “extra credit.”  (Wait-scratch that.  That kinda sounds fun.)  I don’t WANT Edward to be as grumpy as my grandpa discussing the Great Depression and how every “kid” under the age of 45 is on drugs.

I WANT my illicit (yet legal) thrills, Summit.  I WANT high school Edward back.  Now I know Eclipse will be out soon so this letter may be too late, but millions of thirty-something libidos (and the future happiness of their partners) are counting on you.  Leather, NOT  tweed.  Sex hair, NOT old man hair.  Tight, sexy jeans, NOT elastic-waist “slacks.”  The Cullen crest cuff, NOT Grandpa’s pocket watch.

To recap:

YES please

HALE NO!

Keep the myth alive, Summit.  (You can probably expect another letter before Breaking Dawn so you don’t go the “Dad” route on Edward with sneakers and bald spots.  “Teenaged” dads can be HOT too.)

Signed,

USDA Prime

Why have we never discussed this before? Teenage Edward vs. Old Man Edward. MOON & UC FAIL! What do you think? Are you into OldManward? Or do you like the idea of the 17 year old who is really 108 but played by a 23 year old Teenagerward?

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Breaking Down the Eclipse Trailer – It’s the Circle of Life and a Rave all wrapped up in a wig

Dear UC,

Yes, I’m writing you about the Eclipse trailer that premiered on Oprah on Friday. Since you’re outta the country without a lifeline internet connection, I am by myself! Who am I supposed to talk to about the trailer? I feel like I’m all alone! Ok, maybe not we have a billion friends and blog readers, but still it’s just not the same! I feel like I’m cheating. I keep looking over my shoulder because I think you’re gonna walk in and catch me breaking it down with someone else. Well, I did and it was goooood. It wasn’t you and me but it was gooooood. And so is the trailer. There’s lots to discuss. The ring, The Riley, The Circle of Life… LET’S DO THIS!!!!

Moon: Brookie, we need to break down this trailer PRONTO! UC has gone south of the border, Calli is drunker than Cathi Hardwicke at TGIFriday’s all you can drink Cinco De Mayo celebration and The Font won’t answer my calls. It’s just you and me girl. You, me and some questionable hairlines.

Brooke: lemme watch again I love how the trailer starts off with Bella wearing a hoodie like it isn’t already the 800 pound gorilla in the room let’s hide the hideous wig under a hoodie. NO ONE will notice
Moon
: HAHAHAHAAH exactly its so obvious they tightened the shot to keep her hairline out of like 3/4ths of the shots in the trailer. COME ON!

Brooke: I also don’t get who in the make up department has it out for rob

Dude, tell me before she shows up... do I look like Caspar?

Brooke: he’s a funking gorgeous guy and yet he looks closer to Ronald McDonald than Edward Cullen
Moon
: some poor girl who thought he turned her down during the filming of twilight and it just turns out he was so embarrassed he was mumbling
Brooke: hahaha, he probably proposed and she took it seriously she probably breaks make up brushes every time she has to do K’s makeup
Moon: Wouldn’t you?

Follow the cut to feast on some Riley, talk about Ronald McDonald and Raves
Continue reading

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by the Eclipse Cardboard Stand Ups

Dear Eclipse Merchandise/Marketing folks,

WTF happened here? Was someone asleep at the wheel? Let’s take a closer look?


First off the expression on his face. It’s a mix between “the one who smelt it, dealt it” and “eh, fuck it, let er rip.” Put that face in the NSYNC circa Pop Odyssey denim jacket with converse from the Target collection and you’re got a recipe from my dreams. Also pretty sure those are his personal black jeans. He doesn’t let anything but the best thrift store denim tough those thighs.

Next up…

Poor pooooor Jacob/Taylor. This is just an all around bad look. The poofy hair, the moobs (man boobs) showcased by a shirt that makes you look like you just ate the WHOLE Chipotle burrito during your lunch break and you’re really regretting it now. Worn with the haphazardly tied LUGGS and this cardboard cut out screams construction worker with his heart on his (non-existent) sleeve.


Who left the wind machine on between the America’s Next Top Model shoot and the Eclipse Promo photo shoot? And the poor girl was told “do the KISS ME” eye brow raise and ended up the recipient of some crazy photoshop shenanigans as her left eye is like 2 inches lower than the right. WTF happened there?

So if waking up in your darkened bedroom only to be greeted by a teenage construction worker who loves Carne Asada, America’s Next Top Model reject and the Fart-meister than these cardboard cut outs are for you. 33 bucks and the dream can be yours!

Happy Freakin’ Weekend!
Themoonisdown

Who’s buying one of these? I think the LTT/LTR headquarters needs the entire set so we can put them in compromising positions and feed the Jacob one tacos when we have writers block. Who’s with us?

Thanks Twifans for the tweet to tip me off!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

A Rebuttle: The Font wants to talk about the Leg Hitch and life and 93 Buicks

*Because we like to beat dead horses here at LTT and because the Font has a response to my letter from yesterday that you need to read and then hug someone after, here he is to talk about his take on The Leg Hitch*

Hey Twi-Fans.

How are you? Good? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.

So what’s been going on since we last talked? Oh, did someone write gay fan fiction about you and a close friend? Did you get yelled at on Twitter about Michael Vick by someone who is now blurring the line between fan and friend? Did a pretty girl you were interested in refer to you as “that Twilight guy” in person? No, no, sorry. I’m getting your life confused with mine.

But listen. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about Leg Hitch or whatever the fuck it’s called.

I cannot believe all of you women are getting this excited about dry sex. Seriously.

Yeah, sure, foreplay’s exciting NOW. Where were you when a generation of teenage males were locking themselves in their rooms eight times a day? If you would have asked a fourteen year old Font “hey buddy, what do you want to do all day?” I would have responded “dry sex and video games.” Maybe something about collectible card games if you caught me in the right month.

Now, I certainly was not unwillingly abstinent from dry sex for too long in my teenage years (thank you Cinco De Mayo pageant queens), and I harbor no grudges about teenagers being slow to give into their Font-related jean-on-jean urges. I get it. They were young and confused.

BUT. My point is this. When Moon explained what it actually was, I got confused, because that is like rank amateur shit. I was “leg hitching” in the back of my 1993 Buick Skylark before I was legal to drive it. It is not a complicated procedure. It is also not that uncommon.

It’s sort of like someone explaining to a pitcher what a curveball is. He’s almost going to get confused about what they’re talking about, because it’s so simple. What’s the big deal? Put your hand in the ‘C’ shape, twist and swing it over the corner of the plate. You’ve done it a thousand times before you got out of little league.

[Please appreciate how hard it was to not make a sex joke in the previous paragraph.]

All this to say! You are not really excited about Leg Hitching. You are excited about having a man desperately in love with you finally being willing to profess that love in a tangibly physical way. If there’s a takeaway for the legions of fourteen year old girls that I know read this blog daily: it’s that sex (even dry sex) matters.

None of the dudes you fall in love with is going to be as pretty as Edward, or have his literally rock hard abs. That is science. But they can love you the way that he does: not just cause you’re gonna give it up, or because he doesn’t like being alone, or because you’re a prop in the production that is his life.

And T&A is plentiful. There are always more nineteen year olds with tighter abs and thinner thighs, there’s always a new exciting girl with new noises and new things to say about how interesting your job/car/suit is.

But the SOUL, right? That stays. That’s eternal. You love a woman for something you can’t see, you’ll be there for awhile.

There’s an Edward out there for you. Some dude you’ll get excited about basic sex moves for. It’s worth separating the wheat from the chaff.

Yes, I actually wrote a post about the value of sex while using a vampire metaphor.

Until the next time someone says something dumb that upsets me,

The Font

Number one, let’s get mad at The Font for calling us 14 year old girls when clearly we don’t allow them here (although they occasionally sneak on. Hey little girl- Taylor Lautner probably likes boys now- you need to go on a Justin Bieber fan site.) Secondly, what do you think? Is The Font, gulp, right? Thirdly, do you like how I got carried away with all the motivational posters? Those are so addicting. Oh, and The Font thought of ALL of them!

Kinda think you might be crushin’ on “The Twilight Guy?” Read more from him

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