Honey, tilt your date a little, he's glaring in the flash!
Dear Girl going to prom with a cut out Edward,
I’m sure the reason you’re going to prom with a cardboard cutout stems from some really awful “Mean Girls” type story where your best friend stole your prom date / best friend / wanna be boyfriend (a la ME) in High School and you were forced to improvise and this is what you came up with, but I gotta just say it, if you’re gonna do this you gotta go hard or go home.
Why doesn’t the cardboard Edward have a tweed jacket on, or better yet why didn’t you take the cardboard New Moon Edward in his tweed suit with you instead of Twilight Edward in his shirtsleeves? And how are you going to pin a boutonniere on him? You’re just going to spend all night re-duct taping it to his flat chest. And what about when you two are grinding on the dance floor to “Bedrock?” That flower is just gonna keep falling off. I mean how is this even plausible? And your dress, that’s not a combination of black, white or red OR an exact replica of movie Bella’s prom get up. And I see NO ribbon ties on your shoes. I mean, do you even know anyone named Alice!?
If you were serious you would have hired the real Edward to escort you in a tux and give you his mothers old corsage (dried flowers are in) and if you really wanted to make the girls and boys jealous you’d bring along Jacob too! The ultimate love triangle at the Prom in Anytown, USA, like this girl…
Take it from the master honey, follow her example and you’ll be all set for Homecoming next year!
A Night To Remember!
Themoonisdown
HAPPY WEEKEND! Did you go to Prom? If not, do you regret it (I don’t!) What was the theme? What would a Twilight themed Prom entail besides total and utter lunacy and embarrassment?
Um, by now I’m sure you know our crazy love for the soundtracks and breaking them down like a nutjob to the infinite degree, so of course you know we’re waiting with bated breath for you to release the hounds the tracklisting today. BUT being good followers of Stephenie Meyer you’ve mastered the art of the cock block and want to guarantee repeat visits, you have decided to release ONE TRACK an hour starting at 8AM Pacific Time (holla WEST COAST!) today on MYSPACE. Now, MYSPACE?! That’s another letter for a whole other day (or year), but COME ON!!! So now this is how it’s going to work, I’m going to be updating this letter through out the day to include all the latest announcements and artists on the sound track and hopefully give you some samples and scene ideas I think they might use the song in…
Until then let’s start with what we know and then some guesses…
Lead single…
Muse: Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever) – Besides having the best name ever and being SMeyer’s ladyboner band, I’m secretly hoping they use that picture of the Edward Cullen Neutron of the Shire as the single cover. Here’s a total cockblock of a sample of Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever) (say that ten times fast! you will be tested June 30).
Why yes, what a lovely piano tinkling sound.
*updated: supposed leak of the song HERE doesn’t sound like the same key, but I’ll let you decide*
Jesse & Joy: Magic & Desire – This was reported by Eclipse Movie (and some others but we love our bb Eclipse Movie) that Jesse and Joy, a latin band would be contributing a song to the soundtrack. This makes me wonder two things… where is this going to end up in the soundtrack? Maybe a Jasper/Maria scene? Or is this song only on Soundtracks in Latin America, since we learned that certain tracks only make it onto soundtracks in specific world areas. We shall see!
Jesse & Joy – Mi Sol
Love the totally emo graphics the video maker used. ANARCHY!!!!
This is quite beautiful and now I’m even more convinced whatever “Magic & Desire” is it will be included on a Latin America only version of the soundtrack. If Jessie & Joy had been more Rodrigo y Gabriella flavored I might be more inclined to think it could be for a certain scene but now I’m not so sure. Unless they do an english language song (like ‘And then there was you’ below) Dang, listen to these guys! They’re great!
1. Metric – “Eclipse (All Yours)”
UC will be jumping for joy with the news that Metric will be on the Soundtrack. Her fake lesbian lover is Emily Haines.
Metric can kinda go either way with the up beat stuff or the more ballad-y songs… should be interesting and good call on just being obvious and titling the song Eclipse. Lest we forget what movie this is for…
Other Metric: Help I’m Alive, Twilight Galaxy (heh, someones a fan!)
2. Muse: Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever)
OMG! didn’t see this one coming…see above…
3. The Bravery – “Ours”
The Bravery are super upbeat and rocky, this is a fun inclusion though they’re not rock in the traditional sense this could be something at the graduation party or maybe a cool chase or driving scene
4. Florence and the Machine – Heavy In Your Arms
So quality. I just saw Florence on Live at Abbey Road sessions the other day and can’t wait to hear “Heavy In Your Arms” she can really howl… speaking of…
Howl from Florence and the Machine
She such a strong female it almost makes me want to think about someone like Leah or maybe when Bella grows a pair…
5. Sia – My Love
Now we all know everyone’s love affair with her song “Breathe Me” which was probably the best ever synch on 6 Feet Under a few years back but call me crazy I want to see some whacky Sia… or like Zero 7 Sia!
6. Fanfarlo – Atlas If I wasn’t freaking before I defs am now! Welcome to one of my favorite bands! UGH! Amazing. I usually don’t fan girl out over Twilight (says the girl who writes a blog about Twilight), but we’re talking the MUSIC, and it’s GOOD music!
UPDATED:
Atlas performed live earlier this year. (Thanks Lula!)
7. The Black Keys – “Chop And Change”
Oh the Black Keys you are great…
(For Carter)
8. The Dead Weather – “Rolling in on a Burning Tire”
Dayum finally some (probably) hard ass music. Jack White kills in yet another side project band. We all know from David Slade’s tweets he had a director boner for them while filming in Vancouver, so good on him for making it happen. And besides anyone who names an album “Whorehound” is good peoples.
Alison Mosshart is a badass bitch throw her in with Jack and some others from Queens of the Stone Age and the Rancetouers and this is a SUPER group!
9. Beck and Bat For Lashes – “Let’s Get Lost”
UMMMM as we saw from the Bon Iver / St. Vincent track from New Moon this collaboration could be redonkulous. Though I haven’t been a huge Beck fan for the last album or so I LOVE his album Sea Changes and couple that with my lady lover Natasha Khan (aka Bat for Lashes) and we have the makings of something that could be awesome!
Natasha will creep you out in the best way possible with What’s A Girl To Do?
10. Vampire Weekend – “Jonathan Low”
If UC would be peeing her pants over Metric, I will be peeing my pants over Vampire Weekend. Heck yea Ezra is my lover! I’ve kinda always hoped they’d end up on a Twilight soundtrack but knew it might be a slim chance because of the kitsch factor with the name but HALLELUJAH we have some Vampire Weekend!
Now VW can go both ways (TWSS) and I love them for it. They have a very, (I’m reluctant to use the word) ‘world’ ish vibe to their music that is very danceable but then they can lay on the sweet jams. Because I love them so I’m giving you some extras here!
Giving up the gun
Probs my fave VW song ever… California English Pt 2
11. UNKLE – “With You In My Head (featuring The Black Angels)” Brit band of greatness…
Be There
12. Eastern Conference Champs – “A Million Miles An Hour”
Hey, Philly folks here’s a band from your neck of the woods and one I don’t know much about so let’s take a listen…
13. Band of Horses – “Life on Earth”
Who wants the sads? These boys bring them with their music. Need a fix before June 8th, their new album comes out next Tuesday!
The Funeral
One of my fave songs from back in the day, used to listen to this when I drove to work.
14. Cee-Lo Green – “What Part Of Forever”
WWWHHHAAATTT>>!! CEE-LO GREEN?! Shit just got REAL interesting! For those not in the know, Cee-Lo is the other half of Gnarls Barkley and original member of Goodie Mob and boy can he SANG. Not just sing, SANG. Shall this be some sorta romantic soul moment? Engagement anyone? ORRR ORRR maybe the big kiss off between Bella and Jacob?! God that would be gut wrenchingly awesome!
Who’s gonna save my soul (Gnarls Barkley)
Cee-Lo is soul through and through but it’s soul that’s taken a ride on a space ship.
15. Howard Shore – “Jacob’s Theme” Dude, this is the guy who wrote the Lord of the Rungs score, I think we’re gonna be in good hands!
The Shire
I REALLY loved Alexandre Desplat’s Jacob’s Theme so I’m interested to see if Howard keeps any of the same tone or theme or does a whole new theme… we do get a different Jacob in Eclipse after all
Who will NOT make the cut… 100 Monkeys – They couldn’t write a song that wasn’t improvised, so every song they tried to record was different and NO ONE wanted to hear a song about a wolf threesome, Mrs. Cope’s menopause or what’s for lunch in the Forks High School Cafeteria. For serious.
Anyone from the Brit Pack, Sage, Mitch Hanson whoever, etc etc – For obvious reasons, do we even need to go into this?
Robert Pattinson – because he’s a big pansy and can’t put on his big boy Marks & Spencer underwear and give us a flippin’ song! UGH.
I’ve got my fingers and toes and legs and whatever else I can cross, crossed that this soundtrack will be as freaking awesome as the New Moon Soundtrack was. That soundtrack blew ours and every other music lover/snobs socks off and now that Alex Patsavas and the Twilight crew can demand original content from HUGE, awesome, credible artists I really can’t contain myself to see what kind of coup her and her team pulls off for Eclipse.
IS IT JUNE 8TH YET?!
Themoonisdown
Yes, I will be updating this as we find out the artists on the soundtrack and giving you the 411 and some tracks to listen to! Get excited! I am!!!!!! I live for this stuff! Any favorites or speculation you want to throw out there? What artists do you think are perfect for Eclipse?
Dear LTT-ers and Crazy Insane Twihards with a need for ink,
Last summer we wrote a post that highlighted the best and worst of the Twilight themed tattoos we could find on the web… you guys responded and it remains one of our most popular posts almost a year later. Of course last summer was a bit more innocent and not as many folks knew about Twilight like now… so when I went to search for something the other day and saw new tattoos floating around I knew it was time we revisit the best and worst of Twilight tattoos…
(click to enlarge these to witness full size crazy)
Oh hey there crazy New Moon fan, you have a ruffled Tulip growing out of your armpit. You might wanna get that checked out.
Reminiscent of the NM tattoo, this girl went ahead and straight up tattoo-ed the entire section from the “moonless night” part of New Moon. Sure, this is commitment but now I’m just waiting to see some girl do full sleeves of all the words from the saga. DO IT someone. COMMIT or else your shit is WEAK!
From the badass mother effer file comes my favorite Twilight tattoo so far. Nothing says “I will ef your shiz so fast” like a “Cullen” knuckle tatt. FORKS REPRESENT!
From the “I took a couple Literature classes and look at my lace panties” file we have the “Fire & Ice” tattoo along with something from Edna St Vincent Millay, Shakespeare, and a partridge and a pear tree and someones rib cage.
and now… witness the piece de resistance
Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart we have the tattoo that was emailed to us at least 2390492034 times last week! Bonus points for it actually looking like Robert Pattinson is hiding in the back of this woman’s White Stag sweater at Walmart. Negative points for her being able to buy 96 cent KoolAid and me not having a Walmart within reasonable driving distance.
Oh Monday, with these Tattoos you are somewhat bearable. SOMEWHAT. You know what would make it more bearable? For Rob to pull out that guitar and start playing… but I guess we’ll have to settle for some tattoos in the meantime.
CULLEN PRIDE!
Themoonisdown
Are you planning your Twilight tattoo? What would you get? I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?
Allow me to introduce myself: I’m a thirty-something married mom. Middle class, suburbs, Midwesterner, blah blah blah. All I’m missing is the minivan and that’s only because that would cramp my style. But I digress. My purpose of writing is to discuss with you the urban myth of women hitting their sexual primes in their 30s. When I turned 30, my husband waited with baited breath but as I was 4 days away from going into labor with our 2nd child, there was no sexual awakening that night. The next year, same thing-hubs crossing the digits-but apparently taking care of a 3 year old and a 1 year old doesn’t make you frisky. Who knew?? Another year or two or four went by and the husband was like a kid who has found out Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
Then in April 2009, I picked up Twilight. I started reading it one night in bed while the hubs was snoring next to me, probably dreaming of Farrah Fawcett (holdover adolescent crush, RIP Jill Munroe). I read through a few chapters and was intrigued but not hooked. Yet. That next night, I had a naughty dream about Edward and woke up………IN LOVE.
Cue obsession with all things Robward.
Cue voracious reading of consecutive novels in “The Saga” and the first of MANY viewings of Twilight.
Cue husband’s disdain (jealousy?) of my obsession.
Cue my discovery of the “fade to black” blanks filled in via *speaks reverently* FAN FICTION.
Cue………sexual prime!
See husband’s happy face as he finds out “Yes, Virginia, Santa DOES exist.”
Myth busted, Summit. With a little help from a fictional character from young adult novels, of course.
So why the hell am I writing to you, Summit execs and movie hair/makeup/wardrobe people, you ask? Because as a newly inducted member of the “Sexual Prime Club” who fantasizes about sharpening her claws, I find myself noticing young adult men in ways I never did. (That’s normal, right? And I did say “adult.”) Twilight allowed me to perv on a hot, hot, hot seventeen-year-old who is really a 108-year-old vampire but portrayed by a 23-year-old man! GENIUS! WIN for cougars everywhere. I can fantasize but it’s legal. I can lust but there’s no threat of jail time and ridicule from my peers. (Well, there’s always ridicule but no threat of “pedophile” spray-painted on my driveway.) I can perv without a visit from Chris Hansen.
This kiss gave me the chills. He sneaked into her bedroom! How hot to my thirty-something old self that knows how creepy it should be! “I just wanna try one thing” INDEED!
The T shirt. That tight jaw. The bad-boy sheepish grin. The crazy driving. The stalking and voyeurism. It’s like someone read my 14-year-old self’s diary!
Then…..New Moon happened. (And some particularly angst-ridden FF. And some dreaded Christmas shopping. And flu season.)
Allow this chart to illustrate:
How Twilight/New Moon affected my sex life:
This is supposed to keep my sexual prime going strong?
WTF, Summit? Where did that hot, hot, hot high school boy go? I don’t WANT to crush on my college Anthropology professor! I don’t WANT to fantasize about chalk dust on tweed. I don’t WANT to role-play getting an A for “extra credit.” (Wait-scratch that. That kinda sounds fun.) I don’t WANT Edward to be as grumpy as my grandpa discussing the Great Depression and how every “kid” under the age of 45 is on drugs.
I WANT my illicit (yet legal) thrills, Summit. I WANT high school Edward back. Now I know Eclipse will be out soon so this letter may be too late, but millions of thirty-something libidos (and the future happiness of their partners) are counting on you. Leather, NOT tweed. Sex hair, NOT old man hair. Tight, sexy jeans, NOT elastic-waist “slacks.” The Cullen crest cuff, NOT Grandpa’s pocket watch.
To recap:
YES please
HALE NO!
Keep the myth alive, Summit. (You can probably expect another letter before Breaking Dawn so you don’t go the “Dad” route on Edward with sneakers and bald spots. “Teenaged” dads can be HOT too.)
Signed,
USDA Prime
Why have we never discussed this before? Teenage Edward vs. Old Man Edward. MOON & UC FAIL! What do you think? Are you into OldManward? Or do you like the idea of the 17 year old who is really 108 but played by a 23 year old Teenagerward?
Yes, I’m writing you about the Eclipse trailer that premiered on Oprah on Friday. Since you’re outta the country without a lifeline internet connection, I am by myself! Who am I supposed to talk to about the trailer? I feel like I’m all alone! Ok, maybe not we have a billion friends and blog readers, but still it’s just not the same! I feel like I’m cheating. I keep looking over my shoulder because I think you’re gonna walk in and catch me breaking it down with someone else. Well, I did and it was goooood. It wasn’t you and me but it was gooooood. And so is the trailer. There’s lots to discuss. The ring, The Riley, The Circle of Life… LET’S DO THIS!!!!
Moon: Brookie, we need to break down this trailer PRONTO! UC has gone south of the border, Calli is drunker than Cathi Hardwicke at TGIFriday’s all you can drink Cinco De Mayo celebration and The Font won’t answer my calls. It’s just you and me girl. You, me and some questionable hairlines.
Brooke: lemme watch again I love how the trailer starts off with Bella wearing a hoodie like it isn’t already the 800 pound gorilla in the room let’s hide the hideous wig under a hoodie. NO ONE will notice
Moon: HAHAHAHAAH exactly its so obvious they tightened the shot to keep her hairline out of like 3/4ths of the shots in the trailer. COME ON!
Brooke: I also don’t get who in the make up department has it out for rob
Dude, tell me before she shows up... do I look like Caspar?
Brooke: he’s a funking gorgeous guy and yet he looks closer to Ronald McDonald than Edward Cullen
Moon: some poor girl who thought he turned her down during the filming of twilight and it just turns out he was so embarrassed he was mumbling Brooke: hahaha, he probably proposed and she took it seriously she probably breaks make up brushes every time she has to do K’s makeup Moon: Wouldn’t you?
Follow the cut to feast on some Riley, talk about Ronald McDonald and Raves Continue reading →
WTF happened here? Was someone asleep at the wheel? Let’s take a closer look?
First off the expression on his face. It’s a mix between “the one who smelt it, dealt it” and “eh, fuck it, let er rip.” Put that face in the NSYNC circa Pop Odyssey denim jacket with converse from the Target collection and you’re got a recipe from my dreams. Also pretty sure those are his personal black jeans. He doesn’t let anything but the best thrift store denim tough those thighs.
Next up…
Poor pooooor Jacob/Taylor. This is just an all around bad look. The poofy hair, the moobs (man boobs) showcased by a shirt that makes you look like you just ate the WHOLE Chipotle burrito during your lunch break and you’re really regretting it now. Worn with the haphazardly tied LUGGS and this cardboard cut out screams construction worker with his heart on his (non-existent) sleeve.
Who left the wind machine on between the America’s Next Top Model shoot and the Eclipse Promo photo shoot? And the poor girl was told “do the KISS ME” eye brow raise and ended up the recipient of some crazy photoshop shenanigans as her left eye is like 2 inches lower than the right. WTF happened there?
So if waking up in your darkened bedroom only to be greeted by a teenage construction worker who loves Carne Asada, America’s Next Top Model reject and the Fart-meister than these cardboard cut outs are for you. 33 bucks and the dream can be yours!
Happy Freakin’ Weekend!
Themoonisdown
Who’s buying one of these? I think the LTT/LTR headquarters needs the entire set so we can put them in compromising positions and feed the Jacob one tacos when we have writers block. Who’s with us?
*Because we like to beat dead horses here at LTT and because the Font has a response to my letter from yesterday that you need to read and then hug someone after, here he is to talk about his take on The Leg Hitch*
Hey Twi-Fans.
How are you? Good? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.
So what’s been going on since we last talked? Oh, did someone write gay fan fiction about you and a close friend? Did you get yelled at on Twitter about Michael Vick by someone who is now blurring the line between fan and friend? Did a pretty girl you were interested in refer to you as “that Twilight guy” in person? No, no, sorry. I’m getting your life confused with mine.
But listen. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about Leg Hitch or whatever the fuck it’s called.
I cannot believe all of you women are getting this excited about dry sex. Seriously.
Yeah, sure, foreplay’s exciting NOW. Where were you when a generation of teenage males were locking themselves in their rooms eight times a day? If you would have asked a fourteen year old Font “hey buddy, what do you want to do all day?” I would have responded “dry sex and video games.” Maybe something about collectible card games if you caught me in the right month.
Now, I certainly was not unwillingly abstinent from dry sex for too long in my teenage years (thank you Cinco De Mayo pageant queens), and I harbor no grudges about teenagers being slow to give into their Font-related jean-on-jean urges. I get it. They were young and confused.
BUT. My point is this. When Moon explained what it actually was, I got confused, because that is like rank amateur shit. I was “leg hitching” in the back of my 1993 Buick Skylark before I was legal to drive it. It is not a complicated procedure. It is also not that uncommon.
It’s sort of like someone explaining to a pitcher what a curveball is. He’s almost going to get confused about what they’re talking about, because it’s so simple. What’s the big deal? Put your hand in the ‘C’ shape, twist and swing it over the corner of the plate. You’ve done it a thousand times before you got out of little league.
[Please appreciate how hard it was to not make a sex joke in the previous paragraph.]
All this to say! You are not really excited about Leg Hitching. You are excited about having a man desperately in love with you finally being willing to profess that love in a tangibly physical way. If there’s a takeaway for the legions of fourteen year old girls that I know read this blog daily: it’s that sex (even dry sex) matters.
None of the dudes you fall in love with is going to be as pretty as Edward, or have his literally rock hard abs. That is science. But they can love you the way that he does: not just cause you’re gonna give it up, or because he doesn’t like being alone, or because you’re a prop in the production that is his life.
And T&A is plentiful. There are always more nineteen year olds with tighter abs and thinner thighs, there’s always a new exciting girl with new noises and new things to say about how interesting your job/car/suit is.
But the SOUL, right? That stays. That’s eternal. You love a woman for something you can’t see, you’ll be there for awhile.
There’s an Edward out there for you. Some dude you’ll get excited about basic sex moves for. It’s worth separating the wheat from the chaff.
Yes, I actually wrote a post about the value of sex while using a vampire metaphor.
Until the next time someone says something dumb that upsets me,
The Font
Number one, let’s get mad at The Font for calling us 14 year old girls when clearly we don’t allow them here (although they occasionally sneak on. Hey little girl- Taylor Lautner probably likes boys now- you need to go on a Justin Bieber fan site.) Secondly, what do you think? Is The Font, gulp, right? Thirdly, do you like how I got carried away with all the motivational posters? Those are so addicting. Oh, and The Font thought of ALL of them!
Kinda think you might be crushin’ on “The Twilight Guy?” Read more from him
*I hope you have some water proof mascara on and a hankie handy cause Freya write US (that doesn’t happen very often!) a special letter on her one year anniversary*
awwww memories!
Dear Moon and UC:
It’s my one year anniversary commenting on LTT! I finally came out of lurkdom on April 19, 2009, and commented on a post on Kellan. I’d been hanging out on LTR and LTT for about a month, since the Twilight DVD came out, and I saw how cute Rob was when he talked on the commentary, and I proceeded to Google everything Twi-related. Which, of course, led me to you.
I have to get a little Twintimental and Twilosophic here, which is not my normal way, but I have to say, Twilight and LTT have changed my life. Literally. I knew when I put my first comment out there that I was stepping into an established society of commenters. I felt like it was already a clique as people commented back and forth all day long, not just talking about Twilight, but also about daily life. I was worried, because I had never commented on a blog before. But Kellan was oiled up and dirty and reading Purpose-Driven Life and Moon referenced the Song of Solomon—I couldn’t help but ask Kellan to reenact passages from the Song of Solomon with me. And low and behold, out of the 27 comments that day (can you believe it? So few!), both VickyB and Moon responded back to me, laughing at my joke! (Moon, the first few times you or UC commented on anything I wrote, I fangirled a little. I won’t lie.) I became a commenter in that moment. Then the Forum came along, and I really started to interact with the lovely ladies of LTT.
Then came Twitter, and I was a goner. I could Tweet all day long, look at pictures of Rob, and keep abreast of all the Twi news. And in the course of that, I really got to know some people. I began to associate names and faces with the funny, witty comments. I began to share more and more of myself. And it rose above being just about those “vegetarian vampires” or Rob’s hotness, and instead became about the relationships that I was lucky enough to develop.
Who doesn't write their 1st novel in silver ink?
When I first read Twilight (and subsequently New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn in rapid succession), I had decided to be pragmatic. I gave up on having a dream in life. I didn’t have time for love, friendships, or my own creativity. There was work, and blankly staring at the TV, and that was pretty much it. I felt numb. Then (as dumb as it may seem), I read Twilight, and fell a little bit in love with Edward. And like an involuntary itch that you have to scratch, I found the need to write something. In the course of three months, I wrote an entire novel. I will never publish this novel, but it was an amazing experience, because I knew that I COULD write a whole book, if I wanted to. That was empowering to me. And I felt more alive than I had in a long time. Then I began to get to know people (now that I wasn’t holed up with my novel every night), and I started to really want to be friends with people I was meeting, not just to talk about Twilight.
Some of my best friends now are people I met here, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’ve done a few meet-ups with some fantastic people—Brooke Lockart, Marta, Stage Manage This, It’s La Push Baby, Jordan the unicorn, and Krazy Kidd are people I’ve all been fortunate enough to meet in real life. I’ve got big vacation plans for this summer to meet up with even more fabulous people I’ve met here.
I could have never predicted, last year when I first hesitantly wrote my mini-letter to Kellan, how much I would need friends this year. That I would need people who lived outside of my life, who could listen, sympathize, and laugh with me. People to talk books and music and makeup with on any given day. People who would give me a new perspective and enrich my life. Letters to Twilight has given me people who seem hand-picked, just right for being my friends. They have been the key to my sanity when my world seems insane, the refuge from all the things I can’t control right now.
So, to my LTT friends, thank you for being good friends. For all the talks, the gifts, the encouragement, and the love, I thank you so much. My world would be bleak without your friendship.
Yea, thanks guys!
To the cast of Twilight, thank you for being so ridiculously good-looking. Not to mention funny, bright and interesting enough for me to YouTube you, Google you, and find this place.
To Stephenie Meyer, thank you for listening to Bella and Edward and making them come to life in the pages of your books. Without them, I wouldn’t have had the impetus to make some changes in my life and to reach out to these people. You are to credit for creating this community in the first place.
To Moon and UC, thank you for being so incredibly funny and devoted and for becoming my friends, as well. I know you never anticipated this being what it is now, and that it’s evolved almost organically. But the fact is, without your willingness to slog through every day, whether you felt like it or not, this all would not be. You’ve brought together hundreds of people. You’ve spawned countless friendships. You’ve given us a spot in your lives, and in turn, have received a spot in ours. I love you ladies.
My love for Twilight may wane, my love for Rob cool to passing interest, but for the very real people here, I hope that our friendships last a very long time, indeed.
dangit Freya now my eye make ups all jacked up but I lurve you anyway! We’ve said it a billion times bit we’re glad we can be a place where friends meet and friendships are born. Twilight is just the catalyst for all this and we couldn’t be happier because of it. So have you made any friends through LTT/LTR or that Micheal Buble forum you’re apart of or the NKOTB fan club you were in back in the day? Tell me about i!
*Cam writes to Stephenie about the much debated vampire love child Renesemee and gives it to us from a mom perspective. An LTT mom perspective… settle in… This is also an excuse to post more creepy Renesmee fan images*
The fact that these exsist make my day!
Dear Stephenie,
I get it. I totally get it. Reneesme. See, I’m a mom, too. So I 100% get and support Reneesme.
I know most of the fandom can’t stand your rapidly aging, mind-reading, half – vamp baby and they really can’t stand her name, but I get why Reneesme had to happen and appreciate her part of the story.
You said on Oprah that your kids were terrible sleepers – that they didn’t sleep through the night until they were almost 2! Ouch. As any mother knows, those first few months of sleep deprivation (or in your case years!) will make you go crazy. Straight up question your sanity, make you feel like a zombie crazy. (No wonder you dreamed of vampires!) You’ve also said that to you, your Twilight world was a fantasy world where Bella did and experienced things you never would. So no wonder that when you took our beloved Twilight series to its ending, you would include a miracle half – human, half – vampire baby who embodies all of the things real babies aren’t. You wanted Bella to experience motherhood in a way none of us ever will – in idyllic (if slightly creepy and horrific) perfection. You made Bella the luckiest vampire in the world when you created Reneesme. Not only does she get the perfect man night after night for all of eternity, she gets the world’s perfect baby. Win – win.
So Stephenie, I’ve compiled a list of all the reasons Reneesme totally makes sense and all the fabulous qualities of a fantasy half – human, half – vampire baby and pregnancy.
Conception – On a private island with the world’s perfect man, with action so hot you break beds, plus all the eggs you can eat? Sign me up!
Pregnancy – Instead of 40 long weeks of your body slowly getting bigger and bigger and stretching every which way – you get it over with quickly. One month of rapid stretching and bone breaking. Um, wait…maybe this isn’t an advantage.
Birth – This sounds pretty horrible. I think both my husband and I would freak out if he had chewed our children out of me. I had to convince him just to cut the umbilical cord. But hey, any way you get a baby out is no walk in the park. Plus, ultimately this gets Bella what she wants – Edward. Maybe it is worth it.
The baby sleeps through the night immediately. Win!
Seriously, if you made this please raise your hand
You don’t have to nurse her. Yes, being able to nurse your children is a gift and a joy and a special bonding time. But it also ruins your boobs. And limits what you can do. I’m not one of those people to just whip out my boobs and nurse anywhere. Although UC’s boob off does sound interesting. Can there be a National Geographic prize for those TwiMoms among us?
No post baby weight to get off. In fact, post birth you look better than you did before. This is pure fantasy. After I had my babies, I was just glad my earrings hadn’t fallen out and I hadn’t sweated or cried all of my mascara off.
You wake up wearing a hot silk dress and stilettos, ready to spring into vampire action!
You have sex really quickly after you have the baby. Like all night every night while your baby sleeps happily in the next room. This is why there are TwiMoms. Because we know the reality — your sex life is totally different after kids – and right after you have the baby…um, not so much.
Jacob imprinting on her. You know, love, and trust the person who will take care of your child for the rest of her life. You know they have met their soul mate. Those are all dreams of moms for their children. We want nothing more than for our children to have life partners who will love, respect and take care of them. Sure, it’s a bit creepy that he used to be in love with Bella, but whatever. Minor detail.
The newest and my most favorite entry into the Renesmee fanart Hall of Shame
The name — Do I like the name you picked, Stephenie? Does it matter? Nope. My theory is if you birth it, you get to name it no questions or opinions from anyone else allowed. Is it a mouthful to say and spell? Yes. But this is your baby, Steph, so if you like the name, then good for you.
You’re welcome, Stephenie. I know most people complain about Reneesme. I know she ruined the story for a lot of fans. But to me, she was the icing on the fantasy vampire life cake. And while there are some aspects of vampire mommy hood (Edward) that sound appealing, I think I prefer human mommy hood.
Just one request….could you help a sister out and finish Midnight Sun?
Completely and Irrevocably in Reneesme’s Defense,
Cam
Good call Cam… Maybe Stephenie just wanted to write about having the perfect little girl that she wouldn’t get to have as a human. And the boob thing, totes get that! But these manips? Don’t get these… What do you all think? What’s the real reason Stephenie decided to write Renesmee into the story?
Oh Bill Condon… oh Bill, Bill, Bill… if you only knew what you were getting yourself into… alas that is a letter for another day. We have more pressing matters to discuss today…
Of all the rumored directors being vetted for Breaking Dawn: Gus van Sant, Sofia Coppola, Fernando Meirelles and a few others your name seems to just keep coming up. Especially yesterday when we learned that you may be in talks/negotiations to direct BD. And I gotta say I’m super excited! For the general public they probably best know you from your film adaptations of the musicals Chicago and Dreamgirls*. As a HUGE nerd fan of musicals this has my head spinning. Because I’m sure, like me, there are tons of people out there thinking Breaking Dawn will be turned into a musical. A musical version of Breaking Dawn? YES PLEASE!!! Just imagine it…
We open with a wide shot of Forks with an incoming rain storm in the background. Charlie slowly drives the streets in his cop car singing a “Patrolling in the Rain” type of song under his breath. Then the skies open up and it begins raining. Raining glitter, of course.
glitter, lots and lots of glitter!
Then we catch up with Bella singing about that dumb ol car as she gases up the Mercedes Guardian at the gas station and then uses the gas pump as a prop jump rope and sings “Only a Human, not yet a Vampire” as a man taps dances around the car inspecting it.
Later on we have the wedding scene which I imagine as a sort of Guys and Dolls Nathan and Adelaide getting married scene only set in the Cullens backyard while we cut to shots of Jacob running through the forest singing “Get me to the church Cullens on time.”
Then to celebrate their marriage we have a huge ensemble number, a re-imaging of “We’ve only just begun” with the Cullen family, Wolfpacks, humans, townspeople raising closed umbrella’s for them to walk through and then as they leave for the honeymoon, instead of throwing birdseed or rose petals the guests throw, what else? Glitter!
In honor of Stephenie Meyer’s ultimate cockblock, for the honeymoon scene instead of fading to black the musical version of Breaking Dawn will have something very similar to “Contact” by Angel in Rent, where we don’t actually really see anything go down but we know it’s a big metaphor for sex. Yup, Stephenie you will still have your fade to black in the end.
Yup, twihards made this Bill. GET READY
Bella giving birth closes the first act . I imagine this like the scene (I think, theater nerds help me out) in Carousel when Billy is stabbed and instead of it being literally blood spurting, instead a red sheet slowly gets pulled out to symbolize her bleeding to death as Edward holds up Reneesme all Rafiki-holds-Simba-up-in-Lion-King like and then hands her to Rosalie as he launches into a gut wrenching soliloquy about possibly losing Bella all while Jacob cowers in the corner singing to himself quietly.
End of Act 1
Follow the cut to see what I dream up for Act 2, it’s a real show stopper, trust me Continue reading →
Letters to Twilight 