LTT Mailbag: Questions for Stephenie – We answer them

Hey youuu guuuuysss! Get ready for some crazy emails!

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We’re going to meet you in a few weeks and become BFF’s and talk like girlfriends about Robert Pattinson and shoes and whether Pinkberry or Yogurtland is the best and about how we think Nacho is a hot piece and well maybe a little bit about Eclipse too. So when we got this letter to you we thought since we’re like 3ish weeks away from being BFF’s we could totally answer them for you. Why, not?

DEAR STEPHENIE MEYER,

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS FOR MY SCHOOL BOOK REPORT……
c

1.IS IT REALLY TRUE THAT YOU GOT THE IDEA OF TWILIGHT FROM A DREAM?

– TRUE. Double chili cheese dogs, fried pickles and jalapeno nachos from the Arizona State Fair will do that to you. Edward and Bella in the meadow were in fact the by product of the most wicked case of heartburn every medically recorded in the state of Arizona. Besides eating through half my esophagus and a whole bottle of Pepcid AC I just had to sit down and write out the dream, minus the nachos, churros and frozen lemonade’s that danced a circle around them.
c

HA HA Bill Condon, prepare yourself!

2.DID YOU ENJOY MAKING THE BOOKS AND MOVIES FOR TWILIGHT?

I don’t “make” the movies I just sit back and watch people like Chris Weitz try to figure out how to bring my books to the screen and not be maimed and beaten in the process by crazy Twihards who insist on exact book to movie translations. Those are my favorite days on set. I saw four women hoist David Slade over a toliet and threaten to give him a swirly if he left out the story about the 3rd wife. HAHA Slade, good luck figuring that out for the screen. So to answer your question: Yes, I totally enjoy it!
c

3.WILL YOU BE MAKING MORE BOOKS LIKE THE TWILIGHT SAGA?

Maybe, that depends on what new food venders show up at the Fair this year. I’m hoping for some of those friend oreos and a ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl and presto blamo hopefully I’ll have the Alice/Jasper story all worked out.
c

Going up in flames in a mall parking lot near you!

4.WILL YOU STILL BE MAKING THE BOOK MIDNIGHT DAWN?

Yes, I’ll be slipping a finished copy to UC and Moon when I meet them in a few weeks. No one else will see if but rest assured they will get to read all the rest of Edward’s juicy thoughts and I may just slip in a copy of Forever Dawn while I’m at it. Shhhhh don’t tell! It’s a surprise!
c

5.DO YOU HAVE OTHER HOBBIES THAN WRITING?

Lots, but my favorite is going to every Hot Topic store within a 100 mile radius of where I’m at and buying out all their Twilight merchandise. Then I take it outside and burn it all. But I save one shirtless Jacob shirt for myself. That’s what I wear to sleep in at night. Nacho loves it. No, he doesn’t. But I rest easier knowing that stuff isn’t in the hands of impressionable young teens and older women who should know better.
c

Working on my jazz hands

6.WILL YOU BE IN ANY OF THE OTHER TWILIGHT SAGA MOVIES?

I’m in them all! Just because you didn’t see me order a veggie burger in New Moon doesn’t mean I wasn’t there. I was actually biker #2 in that Port Angeles scene with Bella. They needed someone with motorcycle experience so of course both David Slade and I stepped in. Unfortunately, he got the part of Biker #1 and got to drive Bella around but he returned the favor by doing me a solid and subbing me in for Kristen during the leg hitch scene. So I win! Where I end up in Breaking Dawn, you’ll just have to wait and see. Spoiler Alert: I’m the maid who sings the song “Scattered feathers, busted headboard, this dude scored.” in the morning after Isle Esme musical number.
c

7.WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A VAMPIRE OR WEREWOLF IN THE MOVIES?

C. a Zombie

Wait, who's this guy again? His hand is NOT cold as ice

8.WHAT ARE YOUR HUSBAND AND SONS NAMES?

Edward and Renesmee… I mean umm… what’s their names again?
c
LOVE ONE OF YOUR # 1 AND BEST FANS OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA,
HONEY LOVER 🙂

So we hope/know those answers are pretty close to what you’d tell sweet, sweet delusional Honey if she actually had your email address and not ours. And yes, now that you’ve announced us and some other sites will be hanging with you, our “crazy” (a real folder we have in gmail) emails have increased exponentially. I can only imagine what the other sites are getting but we hope this does you justice

Until June!
Themoonisdown

PS Want to send Stephenie us an email?! Do it!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

*obviously Stephenie Meyer didn’t answer any of these questions, we just have overactive imaginations*

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We be podcasting again Episode 4… East Coast/West Coast podcast wars challenge!

Dear LTT-ers,

Guess what! We podcasted again… well White Yorkie and I podcasted because The Font left our asses for the east coast and in an effort to ignite the east coast/ west coast rap wars again we decided to challenge our east coast counter parts to a podcast-off. Only way nerdier and lamer, because it’s bloggers podcasting about Twilight and not rappers capping asses and such. BRING IT EAST COAST! UC and The Font need to get together and talk some vampires and werewolves IN PERSON!

You name the time and the questions and we’ll be ready to kick butt. If we can pull ourselves away from the beach/movie theater/concert venue/sunny day long enough to do it…

So without further adieu the White Yorkie wears Jorts and I don’t for our special west coast edition podcast!

Episode 4 – Total Eclipse of my heart (right click save as)

I can't stand these people but I can't stop listening!

Eclipse Soundtrack – White Yorkie bashes my career aspirations, etc.

Listen to us get interrupted

Eclipse trailer

Breaking Dawn – Condon, contract negotiations, the birth scene

Reader Questions
Do you mind being classified as a unicorn?

White Yorkie and The Font meet some of our readers – the aftermath

Would our readers date unicorns? Some of our readers are called out!

The new girl in town. Real life Bella’s and “new girl goggles.” Does this really happen in real life?

White Yorkie gets out nerded and I laugh a lot.  – The Flash vs. Superman?

Star Wars vs Twilight. Who would win in a battle to the death? Han, Chewie and Luke vs Aro, Caius, Marcus

A #goo haiku from Janetrigs

So let us know in the comments if you want us to put a hit out on the Font and UC till they podcast and continue sending in your questions to LTTpodcast@gmail.com

Happy Listening and Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Past podcasts here!

Do you love the term “new girl goggles” as much as I do? Can you wait to meet White Yorkie and the Font soon? Should our gang sign be a two fingers pointed down to represent fangs?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

It’s Business Time:

Two fun things to tell you about today. First, the gals over at the forum, headed up by JodieO & Lindelle, have started a HARRY POTTER BOOK CLUB. If you haven’t read the books, get over there now. I’m serious. You’ll love them. They’re better than Twilight. And if you have read them, get over there now to re-read and make some new friends. Harry Potter LTT Book Club

Bite Me Edward Notepads

You know how we love those Bite Me Edward Notepads you always see on our sidebar? Well, Jenny, the designer, emailed to tell us they are on SALE! WHOO HOO! You can stock up for gifts & for yourself & for Moon & I because I seriously use mine every day (I lost mine & Jenny sent me a new one because she’s the best!) The sale is: 15% off your entire purchase or as many Bite ME pads as one could ever want….. code: eclipse good from today – July 15th, 2010. Stock up today!

Open Weekend Post: My new, much funnier than me, bff

Dear Saturdayers,

I just made up a word and put “Dear” in front of it so I could turn what would normally be just a regular ol’ blog post into a “letter,” thus fitting in with the theme of our site. See that? Pretty brilliant, huh? Blogging 101, y’all!

This past week I fell in love. In love with a Chinese guy named Vince Mancini. He makes fun of Twilight and puts Moon & I to shame. I love those people. Not only do they reassure me that it is, indeed, normal to poke fun of Twilight because that’s what “outsiders” are doing, but they make me feel so bad at my attempts to be funny that it forces me to be better. After I almost quit the blog out of depression, and after I email such a writer offering them my spot on the blog (“the pay sucks, but the people are nice,” I tell them), I get over it and move on. Until the next funny guy comes along. Anyway, I found Vince this week. And fell in love.

Just read what he had to say about Bill Condon being brought on to direct Breaking Dawn. Oh, and the picture is the one he posted on his blog. Yes. An outsider saw that. Vince writes:

(It's one thing for US to see pictures like these, but to know that people OUTSIDE of the fandom do too!? Shudder..)

“If you watched Kinsey or Dreamgirls or Gods and Monster (for which Bill Condon won an Oscar for best adapted screenplay), you probably thought, “Gee, that’s great, but where are the snorkeling vampires, the c-sections, the wolf-on-baby love affairs?” Well you’re in luck, because Summit has officially announced that Condon will direct the final chapter in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, as translated from Stephenie Meyer’s original elementary schoolese.

Yes, it takes a certain grace and a subtle sensitivity (as opposed to my own brand of overbearing, ostentatious sensitivity) to bring to the big screen a book with such plot points as:

The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it’s in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. …In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his teeth.

So basically, an Academy Award winner is directing the sparkly vampire version of Little Man. How could that not be awesome? I can’t wait to see how Kristen Stewart decides to play the scene in which her unborn vampire baby severs her spine. Ten bucks says she plays it like really bad heartburn. She’s such a subtly sensitive actress.”

SO FUNNY, right!? (I know, right!?) That’s not even all of it. Read the entire thing here

Then, In a post about how Kellan Lutz & friends will be joining the rest of the cast for Breaking Dawn, the man I hope to make my new best friend says:

“Bite open my C-section scar, Press Release:

Summit Entertainment has confirmed that Peter Facinelli, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Elizabeth Reaser, and Nikki Reed will all return as members of the Cullen Family in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. These cast members join Billy Burke as Charlie Swan.

Oh God, joining Billy Burke as Charlie Swan would be a dream come true. There are perhaps no sweeter words in the English language than “join Billy Burke as Charlie Swan.” My entire childhood I sat in class daydreaming about the day when the arena would go dark, the spotlights would come on, my entrance music would start to play, and announcer would shout, NOW JOINING BILLY BURKE AS CHARLIE SWAN… I’d run out, the crowd would go wild. I was the best they ever saw. Gay Vampire Scarf Baseball would never be the same.”

Seriously read this whole thing & leave him some comment love (preferably asking him to be my bff)

So hilarious.
Looking for more to waste your time with this Saturday? Check out his post about Dakota Fanning and of COURSE you must read the one about Robsten!

Happy Saturday! I’m off to the shore- which just means the “beach,” but Philadelphians & Jersey people don’t call it that. I’ve lived here for 27 years and I still don’t get it!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: The most amazing part of this entire letter is that after I wrote it I went to find my new bff Vince’s twitter account and noticed he no longer looked Asian. So I did some more research (aka read his about page fully) and realized that the Asian guy in the picture + the fact that he used to be a Chinese food chef does NOT necessarily mean that Vince is Chinese. IN fact, the guy next to the Asian guy on the about us page is NOT Michael Cera, as I first thought, and seems to actually be Vince. Oops. Let’s blame it on the 12:38 am message on the clock. Or the 1 glass of wine I had at 5:30 pm. Yeah…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Bill Condon: Reading between the lines

Dear Bill Condon,

Welcome to the Fandom! Welcome to the crazy! Welcome to a decision you will most likely regret!!! Moon & I enjoyed reading your letter a few weeks ago. It was kinda weird to read and completely unnecessary, but we get it. This fandom is unlike any other and expectations are high. We just want to let you know we don’t expect much. I mean, we expect a LOT- like there better be a LOT of feathers (so much that they cover HER completely, if you could), Renesmee better not be creepy & you better make sure to time the birth scene with my mid-movie bathroom break. But we’re pretty easy-going gals & Unicorns around these parts. We just want Rob Pattinson naked a true representation of Breaking Dawn with lots of naked Edward except a version that’s much more R-rated. NC-17 is cool too. I’ve never seen one of those. Unless you count looking at Ashley Greene’s naked pictures that one time..

Moon & I were just STRUCK at the political correctness of your letter. I mean, I guess what else were you going to do? Come out yelling “YOU’RE ALL SOFA KING CRAZY AND YOU BETTER LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME DO MY JOB?” (That would’ve RULED) I’m sure you wanted to. Or maybe you’re confused and have no idea why anyone would suggest that. Oh, Bill.. you have so much to learn. We’ll teach you soon, we promise.

Although… it seems like you’re a pretty smart dude. I want to think you’ve done your homework and you DO know what you’re getting yourself into. Your letter left a LOT unsaid… and we didn’t waste anytime reading between the lines. In the following “Break Down” of your letter, I selected the color green for your words so we don’t get confused with our interpretation. I choose green because green is what? GOOD! (Don’t worry- It’s a Twilight joke. You won’t get it)

Moon: Oh, Bill… we ALL can read between the lines of your letter
UC
: how so?
Moon
: I mean writing a letter is a tricky thing, hello we’ve done it for quite a while now. So Bill is trying to talk to the fandom but you can see he thinks some other things about it as well…….like the opening line- when I first tried to read the letter over a week ago, I couldn’t read past the opening line:

Greetings Twihards, Twifans, Twilight Moms, Team Edward, Team Jacob and Team Switzerland,

UC: It’s cuz we don’t fit in any of those categories
Moon
: He sounds like the new teacher or a step parent or new boss trying to show you he’s “down with the kids” and that he gets it. Come on, really? Team Switzerland?! That’s soooo 2007 right? We weren’t even around then but imagine it to be so. He might as well have put:

Dear Dorks, nerds, girls who shop at Hot Topic and think they’re “goth,” sex crazed moms with 4 kids and girls with no lives, I’m here to write you because I know you’re crazy

UC: YES!! I feel left out of this letter
Moon
: Right- like where’s: “Dear reluctant girls who love this saga but haven’t really told anyone other than those 2 others girls you met online about your mild (serious) obsession- I’m here to tell you I’m gonna try not to f*ck up too bad.” THATS the letter I wanna read!
UC
: let’s be honest- do we think Team Summit told him about US? no.. Team Summit told him about the big 5 approved sites and THAT’s it!
Moon
: He should’ve been straight- like “I know we’re totes gonna fumble on some key stuff and you’re gonna hate us for a few days but we’re really gonna nail some other stuff. and besides I’m kinda a hot dude… in a nerdy pseudo-European way”
UC
: “And I can’t wait to see what you end up calling me”

After these divas, Rob Pattinson should be a PIECE OF CAKE

Moon: “I mean I’m not Chris Weitz but I direct musicals, give me SOME credit”
UC
: “The hobbit has already been taken, The DILF unfortunately can’t be mine”
Yeah… I’m looking forward to the name we come up with for him as well!
Moon
: do we know ANYTHING about him?! Is he gay, straight, married, single? kids?
UC
: no…. we will have to RESEARCH another day!
Moon
: does he just have a crazy niece who loves Twilight?
UC
: What he’s really saying is: “I’m stoked to be getting underway on the adventure of Breaking Dawn- my step daughter told me if I didn’t bring on this project she’d start dating that guy on the motorcycle with the tattoos I saw her talking to outside of the metroplex last weekend”
Moon
: I like to think he’s gay or married to a hot piece like Helen Mirren with no kids.

Gay? Married? Both? Find out after the jump! Continue reading

News Dump: All the Twilight News fit to print, Monkey smell, Bree’s back and bitchface

Turn off your smell-o-vision

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time again… tons of tid bits of interesting info but not enough time to write letters about it all. That means it’s time for a news dump. We’ll let you know what we think about the news and you decide from there if you care that much about 100 Monkeys or how Tyler Houseman’s promo shoot turned out.

  • If these pictures had a scratch-n-sniff function this post about Jackson and 100 Monkeys playing at Bamboozle would smell like BO, ear hair, vomit, a melted Slurpee, an ash tray full of wet cigarettes, a used sweat towel from Jr High gym class, and melted Depp hair gel. Yup, EXACTLY what it would smell like.
  • Bill Condon is announced as the director for Breaking Dawn. No word on whether it will be one or two movies or 3D or not lame but he writes fans a letter and does get a few things right, he addresses us all as twihards, Twilight fans and Twilight Moms. *RECORD SCRATCH* ummm… BILL? We’re gonna need to talk about this later
  • David Slade got into the #goo stuff Monday night and tweeted till he got the munchies and left. IN THE FUTURE disable all communication devices before lighting up. Just ask La Stew.

Wait, she wrote a book about ME?!!

  • Probably one of the causes of Slade’s online hissy fit, Lainey Gossip posted lots and lots of gossip and speculation about what REALLY went on behind the scenes of the Eclipse reshoots or as officials are calling them “pick ups.” Personally, I’d like to think the cause of all the hub-bub is actually because of the helicopters Punk’d Images hired to get these grainy ass photos of Bella and Jacob out on a dock somewhere… speaking of wasn’t I just talking about Vancouver and docks?
  • The New York City paparazzi show us that they’re big fans off LTT by yelling the most amazing comment ever at Kristen while on the Met Gala red carpet… witness and then crazy Krisbians you can yell at me in the comments


We’ll leave it up to you to decide whether that’s a curtain or a table cloth around the bottom of her dress

Biiiiiitch please, I gotta tattoo

  • Promo shots for Eclipse are starting to circulate around the nets of The Cullens, The Holy Trinity and The Wolfpack. For what it’s worthy Leah has the best bitchface and rack hands down.
  • Robert Pattinson still loves to choke a bitch out. And wear incredibly tight, ball hugging, high waisted pants. We love it. We don’t.

Yup, that’s the news… I’m still thinking about Bree and being called a Twi-hard by Bill Condon…

IN THE FUTURE the news will be beamed to our brains. THE FUTURE IS NOW!
Themoonisdown

So what do you think about Leah’s bitchface? Amazing, right? And her hot ass tatt. Has anyone gone to a recent 100 Monkeys concert? Did I get the smell right? It’s been quite a while for me.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Barbie Breaking Dawn Part 2

I’m Bacccckkkkkkkk!!!!! And I missed you so greatly. I had great “Welcome back from vacation” letter plans for today, but CalliopeBlabs graced us with PART 2 of her epic “Breaking Dawn through the eyes of Barbies” and it just couldn’t wait. I can. So make sure you read Part 1 if you haven’t yet, and get ready to laugh & call your mom to have her ship you your old moldy barbies from her basement so you can act out a similar scene. Xo- UC

Dear Summit,

*WAY OVER-DRAMATIC SIGH*

I hate being right. Well… okay, no, that’s definitely a lie, but I mean… I guess, I hate when being right is soooooo easy. And Summit, you make it sooooo easy. NO challenge. NO hesitation. NO uncertainty. I called you out on not having a clue how to handle Breaking Dawn and you didn’t even TRY to sneakily deny my claims. There was no… “oh, look, we’ve picked a location!” or any “oh look we’ve decided on 1 movie vs 2” to counter my claims. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

And now I know… KNOW… that you are just sitting there, twiddling your thumbs, playing in the Ball Pit I’m convinced is not only present at Summit Headquarters but is also the most challenging part of a Summit employees workday, awaiting my next installment of Barbie Breaking Dawn.   You saw the idea and thought… “you know, this Calli, she just might be on to something.” And there you sit… waiting for my direction on how to handle this conundrum you seem to have found yourself in.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you Barbie Breaking Dawn Part 2 … and hope… beyond reasonable hope… that you somehow get your shit together for Breaking Dawn. Because it is going to be ridiculous – Nay EMBARRASSING – if you have your actors start promoting the final filmed installment of the series without providing them with a SOLID, FORWARD MOVING ANSWER to the question they always seem to get: Kristen, are resolute on visiting a McDonald’s in every country and thats why you were in Hungary? Nikki, at exactly what point did you sell your soul to the devil? Slade, do you feel discriminated against as one of the lone midget directors in Hollywood? Rob, will you actually be trying to knock Kristen up for method purposes during the final film? Taylor, do you know what a vagina is? What is happening with Breaking Dawn?

Until then, I’m going to soldier on and give the people what they have asked for (see how that works?).  Therefore, here is it, the Book that everyone (okay no one) is waiting for…

Breaking Dawn Book 2: Jacobs POV

(the one where I prove this part of Breaking Dawn could just be entertaining.)

Jacob: (petulant and whiny) Woooeee is me… No one to love in my life.

Jacob: Bella! You’re back!

Bella: Come in! Have I got news for you! As if u already didn’t hate Edward… we had sex!

Does Jacob freak out? Does he phase after hearing the news? Does he put on 60s-era Beatles clothes? Find out after the jump Continue reading

Open Weekend Post: Inspired by stuff I find when I’m not trying

Dear LTTers,

While I’m just perusing the interwebs, researching for my latest letter, looking for pretty pictures of Edward & Bella to go with my latest post, I come across shit I wish I didn’t have to see.

Today I decided I’ve had enough. You have to see it as well:

And I’ll leave us with that. Because we HAVE to discuss…. is that Alice telling Renesmee an old fairytale about her and Jasper? Or is Jacob copping a feel??

Going to take a shower,
UnintendedChoice

All the beautiful images were found by googling “Breaking Dawn,” but I don’t suggest you try it

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter