Open Post: Wolf subculture (uh, one step too far)

Dear Future neighborhood eccentric,

This headline:

New subculture emerges in suburban high schools,
instead of being emo, lost tweens pretend they are wolves

Followed by THIS video

worries me. In case you were too scared to watch the video, let me recap it for you:

-Kids in Texas howl while at school. Like wolves.
-They pin tails on their butts. That’s not a game at a 7 year old’s birthday party. See Exhibit A

-They say they are not a gang, therefore they don’t want attention
-They call themselves a “pack”
-And go to each other with their problems, which is completely different than any other group of teenagers I’ve ever heard of

As you might imagine, the media has quickly blamed this teen phenomenon on Twilight.

Right. That makes sense. Cause This:

is the same as THIS:

And I know I’ve been out of high school for awhile, but the boys who wore eyeliner and had long hair, and would have gladly sported a tail had they known it was sold at Hot Topic, wouldn’t be caught DEAD watching or reading something as commercial as “Twilight.”

Then again this girl (yes, girl) is wearing a Harry Potter shirt…

Hey! She should join the Harry Potter book club on the forum

That is… if the gals in the book club wouldn’t mind if she looked like this after having a little snack….

Imma get me one of those tails,
UnintendedChoice

Please read the article where I learned of this phenomenon I wish I could have been a part of when I was in my teens (um sarcasm for those of you who are stupid new) because it’s hilarious. And make sure you don’t miss my comment.

Alright- let’s all say this together now on 3, ready? 1-2-3: THAT’S NOT NORMAL!!!!!

Thank you to everyone who was so marvelous to me for my birthday yesterday. I had the best day all because of you all! Here is my blurry, self-portrait thank you

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Prom Edward

Honey, tilt your date a little, he's glaring in the flash!

Dear Girl going to prom with a cut out Edward,

I’m sure the reason you’re going to prom with a cardboard cutout stems from some really awful “Mean Girls” type story where your best friend stole your prom date / best friend / wanna be boyfriend (a la ME) in High School and you were forced to improvise and this is what you came up with, but I gotta just say it, if you’re gonna do this you gotta go hard or go home.

Why doesn’t the cardboard Edward have a tweed jacket on, or better yet why didn’t you take the cardboard New Moon Edward in his tweed suit with you instead of Twilight Edward in his shirtsleeves? And how are you going to pin a boutonniere on him? You’re just going to spend all night re-duct taping it to his flat chest. And what about when you two are grinding on the dance floor to “Bedrock?” That flower is just gonna keep falling off.  I mean how is this even plausible? And your dress, that’s not a combination of black, white or red OR an exact replica of movie Bella’s prom get up. And I see NO ribbon ties on your shoes. I mean, do you even know anyone named Alice!?

If you were serious you would have hired the real Edward to escort you in a tux and give you his mothers old corsage (dried flowers are in) and if you really wanted to make the girls and boys jealous you’d bring along Jacob too! The ultimate love triangle at the Prom in Anytown, USA, like this girl…

Take it from the master honey, follow her example and you’ll be all set for Homecoming next year!

A Night To Remember!
Themoonisdown

HAPPY WEEKEND! Did you go to Prom? If not, do you regret it (I don’t!) What was the theme? What would a Twilight themed Prom entail besides total and utter lunacy and embarrassment?

Thanks Failblog!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

2nd hand embarrassment: Eclipse Soundtrack commenters

June 8th here we come, ready or not!

Dear people who commented on the Chop Shop blog yesterday and people with Soundtrack sour grapes,

Are you people serious?

First I’ll start with the commenters on the Chop Shop music blog today. As we know Summit announced the tracklisting for the Eclipse Soundtrack today by rolling out a new artist and song every half hour to hour on MySpace and the Chop Shop blog. Now for those who don’t know, Chop Shop is the music supervision company owned by Alex Patsavas. The music supervisor is essentially the person who along with the director (and team) picks the music to be included in the movie and then clears it legally etc etc. I’ll save you the gory details.

So needless to say some of the comments on the Chop Shop blog today as they updated every hour with new tunes was tres embarrassing! Who goes to the blog of someone who essentially brought the craft of music supervision to the forefront and made shows like The OC, Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl synonymous with great music while breaking MANY unknown bands and you DOG their choices and their (award winning) taste? That’s like Alex and crew showing up at your McDonalds and telling you you’re not flipping burgers right. Have some respect man.  Sure everyone’s entitled to their opinion but not when you like shitty music.

I was hesitant to even write this for fear of coming off like a total snob but I don’t really care especially when it comes to music. I hope you’ll understand and bear with me… let’s take a few comments for example:

Not showing up on a soundtrack near you.....

i am very disappointed that Adam Lambert didn’t make the cut. If you look at all the Eclipse Soundtrack polls ADAM LAMBERT was always a front runner on them. You guys just lost ALOT of sales…. hope your happy. – Katie

Like FOR REALS?!! ADAM LAMBERT?! What part of glam rock American Idol fits into this story line besides the sparkling? And secondly Eclipse Soundtrack polls?! WHAT? WHERE? How old are you?

I was really hoping Candace Charee would be on the Eclipse soundtrack but I understand you got her music too late to be considered. You know, Candace’s music is influenced by Twilight – how many of the artists on this album can say that? Have even read the books? Maybe, Vampire weekend and Muse have read the books. So, for your consideration, Candace Charee. – JoAnn

WHO? And just because it’s sent to Chop Shop and is influenced by Twilight means about… ohh… zero! And if what you think is true I would die to have a conversation with Ezra Koenig about Twilight. Then I would hump his leg. And be like why are we talking about Twilight? You’re Ezra Koenig and you’re HOT! Do me now!

Wait I found this Candace Charee… um there’s a reason she’s not on here.

Trust pays off!

I think It is great! I am happy with the diversity of this soundtrack! I know the fans are really excited by the choices! We cannot wait to hear who is next!!! Thank you for listening to the fans!
hugs
Candace Charee’

Spoiler Alert Candace, you will not be one of them. Ever.

Would LOVE to see some Blue October, Saliva, or Band of Horses on here. 100 Monkeys would be an awesome addition as well. Muse is always a must-have. This is a really fun way to reveal the soundtrack – love it!

SALIVA?! I almost cried from embarrassment when I read that earlier. And 100 Monkeys, I’m sorry folks maybe theyre fun in concert or whatever or even the fact Jackson is in the band, but I just DON’T see that ever happening. I mean tell me a 100 Monkeys song that fits the tone and mood of Twilight, cause I sure don’t know one.

Follow the cut to see me wild out on some more comments

Monday Funnies: Twilight Tattoo Freaks Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Crazy Insane Twihards with a need for ink,

Last summer we wrote a post that highlighted the best and worst of the Twilight themed tattoos we could find on the web… you guys responded and it remains one of our most popular posts almost a year later. Of course last summer was a bit more innocent and not as many folks knew about Twilight like now… so when I went to search for something the other day and saw new tattoos floating around I knew it was time we revisit the best and worst of Twilight tattoos…

(click to enlarge these to witness full size crazy)

Oh hey there crazy New Moon fan, you have a ruffled Tulip growing out of your armpit. You might wanna get that checked out.

Reminiscent of  the NM tattoo, this girl went ahead and straight up tattoo-ed the entire section from the “moonless night” part of New Moon. Sure, this is commitment but now I’m just waiting to see some girl do full sleeves of all the words from the saga. DO IT someone. COMMIT or else your shit is WEAK!

From the badass mother effer file comes my favorite Twilight tattoo so far. Nothing says “I will ef your shiz so fast” like a “Cullen” knuckle tatt. FORKS REPRESENT!

From the “I took a couple Literature classes and look at my lace panties” file we have the “Fire & Ice” tattoo along with something from Edna St Vincent Millay, Shakespeare, and a partridge and a pear tree and someones rib cage.

Next to Jimmy Neutron/Edward of the Shire tattoo, this one of my next favorite portrait tattoo. This Edward has a hot ass mullet and a wonk eye. I’m think this girl took in our “picture” of the dealbreaker Rob mullet. So sexy.

and now… witness the piece de resistance

Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart we have the tattoo that was emailed to us at least 2390492034 times last week! Bonus points for it actually looking like Robert Pattinson is hiding in the back of this woman’s White Stag sweater at Walmart. Negative points for her being able to buy 96 cent KoolAid and me not having a Walmart within reasonable driving distance.

Oh Monday, with these Tattoos you are somewhat bearable. SOMEWHAT. You know what would make it more bearable? For Rob to pull out that guitar and start playing… but I guess we’ll have to settle for some tattoos in the meantime.

CULLEN PRIDE!
Themoonisdown

Are you planning your Twilight tattoo? What would you get? I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

What ever happened to…

Dear LTTers,

We’ve been with you for awhile now and over the past year and 4 months we’ve talked about a lot. A lot of themes and characters have come and gone. Some people who were SO vital to our – err- organization are like distant memories. Today we begin a new series where we dig into the past and find out whatever happened to… whoever we’ve sadly stopped talking about. First on today’s list…..

Buttcrack Santa

After his wild success playing the role of “Buttcrack Santa” in Twilight in 2008, Ned Bellamy went on to star as a secondary, mostly-forgotten character in a few episodes of 2 different, barely watched television shows and as the highly popular character named “Cabinet Member” in the television series 24. No- I got that wrong. He was the “character name “Cabinet Member” in the highly popular television series 24. He has not yet worked in 2010.

In his spare time he either writes or reads one-shot fan fic about himself:

Just in time for Christmas! This is what I think happened during the “butt-crack Santa incident”. Written in Waylon’s POV One-shot.

Seeing Bella all grown up reminded me of the last time I saw her. It was Christmas. Charlie brought four-year-old Bella to a Christmas party. I decided to suprise the kids and dress up like Santa Clause. Well, the suit was a little big, so I stuffed it with a few pillows.

At about seven o’clock, I came out to give out the presents. All the kids lit up, especially Bella. I gave out all the presents from under the tree. There was one last present left, but the bow was stuck on a branch. I bent down to get it unstuck and I heard some giggling. I thought it was just from getting the present caught on the tree, but Bella blurted out, “Ew! Butt crack!” Everyone laughed. I pulled the sagging Santa pants up and finally got the present unstuck and gave it to it’s owner. The rest of the party went fine, but I didn’t get up from the couch the rest of the night. When Charlie was about to leave to take Bella home, he patted me on the back and said, “Good job, butt-crack Santa.” Bella giggled and they went home.

A.N.: Now, wasn’t that a good holiday Pick-me-up? Now click that little green button below and give me a nice, tasty review!

P.S. Beware of ill-fitting Santa suits!

(Go review that fic & make that writer’s- aka Ned Bellamy’s- day)

The 100 Monkeys

Once known for their ability to write a hit song about an every day object found in the puffy-painted canvas tote of a fan club member, the 100 Monkeys have seemed quiet as of late. Or has it just been our incredible lack of care for Jackson Rathbone as compared to the other cast members like we were accused of in a recent fan letter:

Hooray- a way for you to make up for your inexcusable neglect of Jackson Rathbone- have you been covering the 100 City tour?  did you have pictures of the black eye? did you write about the Hard Rock Las Vegas brouhaha? have you shown us awesome Last Airbender trailers?  noooo it’s all about Kellen in underwear ads and Taylor’s father for some unfathomable reason.

Anyway here’s your chance to make it all up.  Jackson and the 100 Monkeys will be in Philadelphia April 8th at the North Star and it would be lovely if you would attend and tell us about it.

Coco

secret

Unfortunately I was busy on April 8th ogling pictures of Kellan Lutz in his undewear and photoshopping Big Daddy Lautner getting stuck in the drive thru window of a McDonalds and couldn’t make the show. However, maybe in a few years I’ll think about attending one again after my ears heal from the last time I saw the band in Philadelphia.

secret

However, in keeping with the theme of “Whatever happened to” and in no way writing this to appease Coco (even though I love nothing more than to bend over backwards for someone’s bitchy request), I did some research on the band. The Monkeys now have a pretty cool-looking website and seem to still run around town with Marty the Bananager. They are reconsidering his role in the band as the banana suit smells so bad that it’s actually keeping the girls away. This spring the band is on a 100 city tour and Jackson latest “look” is turning me- normally a lover of hippie, dirty rock boys- into a lesbian. Their music is just as bad- if not worse- than when I first saw them a year ago. Believe me, I just spent the last 5 minutes listening to clips of their songs on the “100 Monkeys Jukebox” praying for something I could tolerate. I came up empty handed.

secret

On the new website, there is a “Chatter” section where their fans can discuss the latest color of puffy paint to use on their canvas Monkey bag & share with each other (and hope that the band will take a peek too) the most recent art inspired by the band. For example:

This beautiful masterpiece

Or this- the best Jackson has looked in 2 whole years:

(I actually like this- shhh don't tell)

And I’m so happy to have finally found Moon’s birthday present:

Find out MORE after the jump!

A Very Twi-Weekend, Part 2 (part 1 to come later)

Enjoy this VERY entertaining story from LTT readers turned real life loves of our lives Ashley & Chelsea

Twi related costumes? Check! Dignity? Back at home!

Second working title “Please don’t hate us!”

Dear Creation Entertainment TwiCon 2010,

As a means of satiating our Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse needs, Chelsea and I went to the Twilight Convention in Los Angeles at the grand old Marriott this Saturday. This would be part 2 of our crazy weekend…we hung out with KStew and Joan Jett on Thursday…but that’s another post! So as a continuation of our “Very Twi-Weekend” (Runaways Thursday, Remember Me Friday) we decided to go to TwiCon! Chelsea and I resurrected our Twi-alter egos as the hot busty Rosalie and Alice, and of course checked our dignity at the door.

Why God, WHY??!!!

We were running a bit late so we missed the Hillywood introduction but we were JUST in time to walk in and hear the sweet sultry sound of Chaske Spencer’s deep and velvety voice. He was doing the Q&A session and answering all kinds of Twi-related wolf pack questions. Like, “What’s your favorite fruit?”… *bitchface* Kiowa Gordon followed after Chaske and was a bit quiet, reserved, and a little shy. He got pretty comfortable after a while and jumped off the stage to walk around the crowd. He stopped to give a girl a hug and then recognized Chelsea from when she saved him from a pack of rabid fangirls at the New Moon red carpet line. He then performed a song with his band, “Touche”. Did you know he had a band? We didn’t either! Apparently it was their first live performance! Maybe he can play with 100 Monkeys! Hot Alex Meraz was next and was super hilarious! He did a spot-on imitation of KStew *stutter blink blink hand in hair stutter* being nervous before filming the scene where Bella hits Paul. Alex thought he would tease her by blowing her kisses…the Stew did not approve. He said after that she had no problem hitting him. After all of the Q&A we now knew all of their favorite fruits. Which is very crucial information…*bitchface*

Follow the cut to hear the rest AND see some Charly Bewley!

My Edward/Jacob Manllow – A secret affair

The Edward "Manllow"

Dear LTT-ers, Twihards and makers of Twilight Merchandise,

Of ALL the things on the internet that are Twilight related and have come out over the past couple years the one I’ve been sent to most BY FAR has to be the Manllow!! Yes, EVERYONE and their iguana sent me (and UC) the link to that pillow shaped like a man with Edward or Jacob’s face printed on it on it.

And I must apologize for not returning all those emails because, honestly… I already have my own Manllow* and I’ve just been TOO busy this week with him/it to be bothered to write any of you back. Sorry Mom, sorry bill collectors, sorry BFF’s from high school looking to reconnect, sorry 8374349 Facebook notifications, sorry Grandma and sorry organ donor society emailing to tell me my new heart is available, I can’t write you back. I have a Manllow and I’m not afraid to sleep with it!

So why have I been too busy to answer my emails because of a Manllow, you say? What have I been doing with the Manllow?

Don't look now Jacob, Edward Manllow and I are having a private moment

• Watching movies and the entire 2nd season of Six Feet Under with my Manllow is a no-brainer. He holds the remote AND me while I cry over David and Keith’s lost love and the craziness that is Brenda (seriously can she die yet?)

• He’s also a great day bed and hang out spot for my 10 cats! They love purring in his arms when I’m away for the day. Manllow is NEVER lonely for company

• When I want a night in I cook a special dinner of Lean Cuisines for the both of us and pop the top on some Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaii, light a few candles and have a special romantic night for two

Oh and FYI the Manllow isn’t just for your bedroom, you can take the Manllow into public with you… here’s what I’ve done with my Manllow outside of the bedroom this week

Ain't no thang just a Manllow threesome

• I live in LA so traffic is horrendous! Our lovely Dept of Transportation provides HOV lanes for vehicles with more than one person riding in them and they go way faster than regular lanes. SO to save time on my way to see New Moon for the 8 gajillionth time I stuck my Manllow in the passenger seat and zoomed off down the freeway in search of popcorn and Face Punches!

• My Manllow and I snuggled at the movie theater with the armrest UP! Making out WITH Edward/Jacob WHILE watching New Moon in the theater? You should try it sometime, I HIGHLY suggest it

• Went for a picnic with my Manllow. Griffith Park will never be the same now that I’ve reenacted the Meadow Scene with the Edward Manllow. He sparkled and we talked about forever. It was magical. Sorry UC.

• I take my Manllow shopping with me. I stick him in the front basket of the grocery buggy and he points out everything he wants. Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Check! Cuties? Check! Cookies & Cream Dreyers Yogurt? Check! Cat Food? Check! Ladies Dove Deodorant? Check! I mean…

• For dinner I took my Edward/Jacob Manllow to Fridays so I could get the 2 for Tuesdays. Two appetizers, two dinner entress and two desserts all for 22.22! What a steal that I couldn’t have gotten without my Manllow. We even saw Cathy Hardwicke in the bar and she sent over a mucho Cougarita “for Rob, call me.” How nice was that?!

Love me, love my Manllow

So can you blame me, people? The Manllow and I are in love and just like Lars and Bianca in Lars & the Real Girl- we’re taking our love public and we’re here to stay regardless of public perception that I am a crazy lunatic. My Manllow loves me just the way I am.

My Manllow kinda makes me think of the Kid Sister/My Buddy that I had as a kid… only WAY more adult. Ifyouknowwhatimsaying. So all week I’ve been signing the theme song… sing it with me friends:

My Manllow, my Manllow… my Manllow aaaannddd mmeeee!

XO
Themoonisdown

Who has a Manllow on back order? Do you think I’m legit and actually really have a Manllow? What would YOU do with your Manllow?

I’d tell you to get your OWN Manllow but they’re SOLD OUT!

*HALE NO I do NOT own an Edward/Jacob Manllow and I’m allergic to cats!*

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilight stuff that should not exist…. then some that should

Dear Twilight art lovers,

While we’re waiting for the leg hitch anything from David Slade & Summit, I thought we’d take a stroll through the Twilight Saga Art Gallery to see what’s new. What I love about this saga is all the crap it provides that I can make fun of that with each new movie, more and more people are inspired to make horrifying beautiful art. I hope their inspiration doesn’t wane. And I hope that with the new stills of Eclipse that we’re sure to see any day now and the eventual images of Taylor Lautner and a little girl from Toddlers and Tiara’s and the shots of Kristen Stewart with a prosthetic pregnant stomach when Breaking Dawn starts filming, some creative artists will make us drawings, paintings, sculptures and finger puppets so that the images of Taylor and a baby and Kristen with child can be etched in our minds forever. And with just the touch of a button and the virtual swipe of a credit card on Etsy, we can each have a physical reminder of the incredible creepiness of the storyline of a grown boy imprinting on a child powerful story of love between Edward & Bella.

First, an artful homage to Jacob Black

Good thing she copywrote this drawing. I was about to make 1,000 copies and sell them at the Remember Me premiere in March for Rob to sign. (Instead I’ll just bring him my Twilight books)

Something for your baby to wear in the church nursery

Oh you think this is just an attractive pic of Taylor Lautner shirtless? I did too. Look closely at what he’s touching

Let’s not forget about Jasper

The crazy thing is, he actually looks better here than he does in the movies….

And how about a little Robsten art love?

These little upside-down clay pots representing Bella & Edward come with a cardboard cut out of the Meadow scene for you to act out when your husband is asleep!

Don’t ask why. Ask why not!

Thankfully, there is GOOD Twilight art out there. Follow the jump to see some that might be new to you!

We wish you a Cullen Christmas

Dear LTTers,

Merry Christmas Eve! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, merry time of year when everyone says “Merry Christmas” to you and you look at them and say, “But I don’t celebrate Christmas” and they stare back at you, not understanding, in a santa hat!

Moon and I have objected ourselves to 2nd-hand embarrassment, yet again, to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Love,

UC & Moon

After the jump, read all the wonderful lyrics penned by @Brookelockart, Moon & myself. Print them out and have a family sing-a-long around the dinner table tomorrow!

Amanduh is back and her sex is on fire (among other things)!

Dear LTT-ers,

A few months ago UC and I mourned the lose of AmanDUH’s YouTube channel after she deleted all her videos and we thought she was forever gone from our lives. I mean what were we going to do now without her beautiful musical stylings, without her reenactments of Twilight, without her choreography, withouth slightly special faked Edward? Die, that’s what. A world without Amanduh is not one I want to live in!
c
I always thought Ashley Greene’s portrayal of Alice was missing something and I think Amanduh NAILED it!

c

Covering one of the best songs of 2008 AND 2009…

(I’m pretty sure even listening to this is blasphemous)

Seriously, ALL music videos should be made by Amanaduh and ALL songs should be sung by her… come to think of it all MOVIES she be made by her too. It’s Saturday so you might as well go over to her YouTube profile and enjoy the rest of her musical stylings and show her some love.

YEAAAAAAAA her sex is on fiiirrrreeee!
Themoonisdown

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter