Lainey Gossip & I just may become friends…

Just a day in the life of Nikki & Kristen, hanging out with Rob- err- Michael Oregano

Dear Lainey,

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I think we need to be friends. I know, I know, why in the WORLD would you want to be friends with a Twilight/Rob “Open Mouth” Pattinson lover like me, (and more importantly why the H would I want to be friends with a smut-hound, Twi-hater like you?) but hear me out.

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I think we’re a lot alike. Sure you’re bitchier than me and pretty rude to Twilight fans and make your living writing gossip that no one really needs to hear about (and if I weren’t running a Twilight/Rob site myself, I would NEVER read you or have even heard of you- gossip ain’t my thang), but you’re also snarky and write with an “i don’t give a shit” attitude and are pretty spot-on about the whole of the Twi-dom most of the time. Plus you’re using Twilight/New Moon news to self-promote and like Sam Bradley, I kinda gotta give you some credit. Plus I secretly think you’re a Twifan yourself deep down.  (But it’s okay, I can keep a secret.)

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My girls and I (we call ourselves “the quad”- go ahead, make fun) like to break things down Vanity-Fair Style (It’s a LTT/LTR thing, you wouldn’t understand) and today via e-mail we broke down your latest post about Nikki, Kristen & Oregano out and about in Vancouver:

Me: Did you see Lainey’s post today? I hate her, but I also love her snarkiness b/c she’s so right

Friend #1: She’s a nutjob, for the record.  I’d LOVE to see what she looks like.  Ten to one says the 4 of us are way more fabulouser than she is.  Fo’ sho.

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Via Lainey: Nikki was spotted heading over to Rob’s. She stayed at his place a few hours, then they went out and hooked up with some friends… Next question, I know it’s coming: Are they dating? Doubtful. Are they f-cking? Probable.

 

Shhhh paps.... keep the secret that I was the one who actually called you, k? Tell Lainey me and Rob- err- Mikey are in love n' stuff...

Friend#1: Rob and Nikki are totally using each other for booty calls.  I know y’all don’t want to hear that, but it’s true.  They’ve done it before…they’ll probably do it again.  And the thing is, Rob knows it’s just friends with benefits.  But Nikki wants it to be more. Nikki needs it to be more…

So that’s the real deal.  I feel it in my bones.

And if it’s not, he and Kristen are banging and this whole “holding hands with Oregano while skipping through the streets of Vancouver” thing was a total set up.  KStew was completely looking at the cameras–making sure everyone saw her face, while holding his hand.

It was a set up.  Big time.  And NReed was there to ease the tension/awkwardness.

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Via Lainey: Am told RP was approached repeatedly, some girls doing the usual super loser twi-hard gushy flappy arms thing and others trying to front like they were too cool to obsess over a movie hunk and starting up a conversation with him anyway, because he can totally tell between super loser twi-hard hysterics and closet super loser twi-hard hystericsd. It’s a huge difference.

 

I want to be Rob

I am Rob

Friend #1: Finally, bitch that she is, Lainey is fairly correct in her assessment of Twi-fans.

And do we think that Oregano was trying too hard to look like Rob?  Yes.  We do.

Moon: PS: Lainey is probably a Twi-fan herself but like us can be funny about it and knows how to keep “the crazy” inside her brain instead of embarrassing the whole of the Twi-Dom. (aka the fans at the “how to be” screening this weekend.)

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Girl, we’d hate you less if you’d just come out of the closet. You love Twilight. You even loved Breaking Dawn and probably sleep with it under your pillow every night. Everyone is wondering who you’re blowing to get all this New Moon ‘smut,’ and we know that you’re getting it first hand. YOU’re stalking the set, YOU’re taking all the pics, YOU’re going up to Rob and pretending not to know who he is. Just admit it so we can all have a good ol’ laugh and become bffs.  Too ashamed that you were bit by the Twi-bug? Make fun of yourself… that’s what we do.. we can even make fun of you for you, if you’d like. Get over yourself so we can come up and visit and all stalk the Wolf-pack together. I’ve got dibs on the dorky wolf!

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Love,
UnintendedChoice

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All pics and quotes from Lainey Gossip (our new bff- in consideration for the 5th member of “the quad”)

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I also realized after posting this that the 4th member of the quad wasn’t involved- whoops. We missed you Friend #2!

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Dazzle Awards- Vote for us as your fav Rob fan Site

Update: Just spoke with Friend #2 who said:

I can’t believe I missed the Lainey Breakdown. Here are my thoughts: 

• Nikki/Rob shagging most def
• Rob/Kstew shagging most def
• Nikki/Kstew wishing they would shag, most def

Another Jackson post… yet again

Dear Jacksper-

Since we didn’t get to rock out with you and that thing you call a band this week (Thanks for canceling by the way, whatever it’s not like UC and I are together every Tuesday my dear but anycrap…) We’re apparently going to OD on posts about you instead. See what you do to us? Please see us through this phase!

One of the great and sometimes embarrassing things about being a loud n proud Twilight fan is that people will send you links to everything Twi-related. Mostly it’s crap we’ve seen before, I mean we do run a Twilight/Rob blog after all, but still this means sometimes you get some real goodies that fall between the cracks. Like this little gem to the left here…

With all the hoopla surrounding Team Wolves and big reveal and Rob going into hiding and other crap we somehow missed this cuteness from Vancouver. And ain’t nothing like a little Jacksper and Ashley real life action. Cause this shiz is too cute for words. It’s like seeing Alice and Jasper in real life just out gettin’ coffee, ya know just another day in the neighborhood.

Jackson's got nothin' but a smile for you!

First off, tell Ashley since we’re now BFF’s to please share her boots, not the handbag. Kthanx.

Secondly, Jack ( hope you don’t mind if I call you Jack cause that’s what I’ve named your folder on my computer) this is re-donk-ulously adorable. Like in that you-look-like-a-high-school-crush-of-mine kinda way. Not so much the hat but the smile and the dimples. I just wanna poke my finger in one of them. Oh and the hair! Don’t cover it up! Have I ever told you about my curly hair fetish? People who know me well know I call it “the curly hair factor.” Chances are if you have curly or wavy hair I will be stupidly in love with you for no reason. Curly hair boys can do no wrong in my book. Now don’t use that to your advantage or tell Rob he needs to get a perm, cause his hair is wavy and perfs.

Ok, now that you know that will you please come back to LA and play with your ridiculous band so UC and I can rock out to some curly hair.

XO
Themoonisdown

PS ray bans, always the ray bans PLEASE!

PPS if you love us and you love Rob please vote for us at the Dazzle Awards! We’re up against some stiff competition and we’re currently in 4th place but I BELIEVE!!! We can do this people. IN OUR TIME! Now get over there and scroll down to best rob fansite and choose wisely!

2nd Hand Embarrassed – Jacob/Renesmee

Dear Stephenie Meyer-

I’ve always been a little weirded out with the whole Jacob/Renesmee imprinting scenario, never mind how I can NEVER spell “Renesmee” correctly. But that’s a different post for another day. Back to Jacob and Renesmee… seriously though I understand it’s not like a sick-o gross pedi thing and I get that it totally adds another wrinkle to the storyline that make the future possibilities OH SO interesting but STILL.

We’ve all been there, we’ve convinced a friend to read the Twilight saga and they’re WAY into it, then they get to Breaking Dawn and you inevitably get the text late at night that says “JACOB IMPRINTED ON RENESMEE?? WTF!?” And then you have to explain yes, a 17 yr old boy is oddly “in love” with Edward and Bella’s baby.   UH YEA. I find the “I’m unexplainably drawn to love/protect/obsess/someday marry” a baby storyline super weird.com. And bordering on some Dateline NBC shiz.

So when I saw this fanmade video I knew it was gonna be some whacky stuff and it did NOT disappoint.

Please Stephenie, write the Jacob/Renesmee story so I can wash these bad memories out of my brain!

Mildly creeped out…
Themoonisdown

More thoughts after the cut

Thanks, but we already know we’re fabulous

Dear Twilight,

I don’t understand who is reading this when I write “Dear Twilight.” Is it you, Stephanie? Or the CEO of Summit Entertainment? Don’t tell me it’s just an intern at Little, Brown and Company publishing because I’ll quit right now. It better be the entire cast of Twilight- seriously.

We appreciate all the “Your Blog is Fabulous” awards, but we already know this- Rob tells us every night.

Fine, we’ll play along:

Duh

The way this game starts is with sharing our top-addictions in life. This is so that you can learn more about your fabulous bloggers UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown. We have the following 5:

1. Champagne with Lizzy Pattinson while watching Pattinson family home videos
2. Listening to Rob say “hamburger” and “underpants”
3. Washing our unmentionables on Taylor’s washboard abs
4. Backcombing Robert and Jasper’s bouffants
5. Going with Daddy Lautner to Mcdonalds for Filet-o-Fish Fridays

Now, to share the fabulous blog love around, here are our picks for the top 5 fabulous blogs:

1. Lauren’s Bite: Cuz she’s adorable, hilarious and would kill us if we didn’t give her the #1 spot since we talk to her on a daily basis. (She would get our #1 spot even if we didn’t live in fear of her wrath because we love her that much. Plus she invited the term “Pocket Edward.” Seriously. You can Google it. See if anyone said “Pocket Edward” before she did. They didn’t. While you’re there see if anyone took pictures with Pocket Edward before we did. They didn’t. We win)
2. Robsessed: Because NO ONE brings us better or faster Rob news than Gozde & Dani. Plus Gozde is Turkish, and we like to refer to her as our “Turkish Delight” (which is where the named “Sat. am Delight” came from for LTR). We actually just thought of that right now. Awesome.
3. Rob Pattinson Loves Me: Because they have video versions of our letters but funnier. And next time we’re in NYC we’re having drinks with them. And drink-talking about Robert Pattinson is amazing. They also promised Lizzy would show up with a bottle of champagne
4. Confessions of a TwiCrack Addict: Cuz this girl’s GOT IT and DOES IT perfectly every time (plus risks getting fired and/or losing her husband over it)
5. Cullen Boys Anonymous: Cuz they talk about the Cullen Boys and Robward is a Cullen boy and they pretend to spread the love equally but in real life focus more on Rob… so they win

We hate doing these things because we don’t like choosing favorites. And we could only chose 5, but we wanted to shout out to these amazing sites that either mentioned us or are just so freakin’ delightful. They are in no particular order (except best to worst- JK): The Danger Magnet, Pillow Biters, Twilight-Headed, ’86 Rabbit, New Moon Movie (dot) Org

Love,

UnintendedChoice & theMoonisFabulousDown

What are your top 5 addictions related to Twilight? Do you sing Perry Farrell at the top of your lungs (please stop if you do)? Do you count Rob Pattinson’s locks of hair instead of counting sheep? Share your Twilight-related addictions with us in the comments and we’ll pick our fav for an awesome fake prize.

A Haiku for KStew

KStew someone loves you!

Dear Kristen-

As you know, this past weekend Moon & I were together in LA with my husband and his best friend (the bff).  We dragged their butts all over LA and made them sit in the back of the 2 door car Moon drives. We loved every minute of our girl-power.

We were shocked on Saturday night because they agreed to watch Twilight with us if we promised to stop at the liquor store first. Many beers, gin & tonics and champagne toasts later, we started the movie. The bff was actually excited to see the movie because “that hot indie chick from Into the Wild is in it.” (Don’t worry- we didn’t tell him you’re a fake lesbian)

Ya know that part when James jumps onto the boat right before the bad vamps kill Buttcrack Santa? Well, Waylon asks “Who are you?” and James appears.  My husband announced that the bff looks like James.  And he’s right. We rewound that part and had a lot of laughs imagining the bff answering Waylon’s fearful “Who are you” with his name instead. It was funny. Believe us.

After the movie ended we asked what the guys thought, and the bff declared: “I’m going to write Kristen a haiku.” [Just a little FYI- the bff is an artist- a songwriter, a poet, (and apparently a wandering vampire) and he likes to respond to text messages in haiku. So this wasn’t a very strange declaration (well, it’s a little strange b/c no one ever thought anyone would write you a haiku, and well, okay. It’s also strange because.. who writes haikus?)] And he wrote one. On the spot. He’s that good.

He'll 'track' you down girl

A vampire I’m not
But in love with you I am
(Edward is a tool)

The bff actually sent us a bunch of haikus to choose from, and we thought we’d share one per week. We’re so cruel to you half the time (you deserve it) that we thought we’d show you something nice written by your friendly neighborhood nomad vampire male fan.

Hugs & Haikus,
UC, Moon & the Bff

*Do you have the hots for the bff? Wanna hear more from the creator of the amazing haiku? Well, check out his band because we love them and promised him TONS of new fans in exchange for plastering his face on a Twilight blog. No seriously, they’re good. You can say you knew him when he was “just a guy writing haikus” Far Beyond Frail

Breakin’ all the rules – My First Time

Every ticket comes with a free pair of earplugs

Dear LTT folks-

When I first saw Twilight in the movie theaters, it was the Saturday (22nd) after it came out. I was trying to wait till I went home for Thanksgiving so I could beg my mom and cousin (lilcrazycow) to go with me. But I woke up that morning and couldn’t take it anymore, all I could think about was Twilight all day, every day. So I gave in and went by myself. This was before I knew about a million Twilight fans and my only other Twilight contact in LA was my coworker who first lent me the book. I showed up at the earliest screening expecting to sit in an empty theater by myself and have my personal Twilight moment.

Nope, WRONG! I was packed in with all the Twi-hards and the Twi-moms and everyone they dragged along. I knew the second the lights dimmed and people started screaming at every little thing: the title logo, the first time Bella was on screen, the first time the Cullens walk in, heck when ANY character walked in they screamed, I knew this thing called Twilight was something big.

I’m not gonna lie, the beginning was rocky for me… the dialogue seemed a bit flat, Kristen was boring to me, it felt rushed and it was getting awkward but then THIS happened…

and I knew that I would forever love this movie saga… however cheesy, and cheap it looked. I couldn’t resist Edward’s shit-eating grin or those ray bans, or how perfectly the song worked at that moment, or how I felt like I totally wanted to be Bella. Then he delivers the line “…breaking all the rules now anyway… since I’m going to hell…” and I was sold. I had broken all the rules of being a hip 20 something, I liked Twilight, I was about to start a blog about it and I didn’t care I was “going to hell” so might as well enjoy it.

And here we are now 4 months after the movie was released, a week after the DVD and now 8 months out from the next movie and I can’t help but think, what will that first time be like? What scene will be the one to grab me like this one did?

Only time will tell.

XO-
Themoonisdown

PS what was your first time (twilight screening*) like? What was the scene that hooked you for life?

*yea like how i had to qualify that?! i KNOW you people too well!!

Fan Art – Bella

Deepest Loss

Dear Bella,

We’ve given an award already to Adrienne Trafford for her amazing dipiction of you, but she deserves all the awards in the world. Today Adrienne gets the “You gave UnintendedChoice goosebumps and made her cry” award for this picture entitled Deepest Loss.

Adrienne writes on her site that she was thinking many things when creating this beautiful piece, but she thought a lot about you being left in the woods in New Moon.

She posted this for the first time along with a poem entitled the Promise of Water. Here is a snippet:

at some point i will
look straight ahead,
but now only know the
saltiest tears.
they are like the waves
that break against the rocks
you hide behind.
they roll to the beach like they
roll down my face.
they are almost a
relief.

"...what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed?....i was changed..."

Thank you for sharing your beautiful art, Adrienne! And for the goosebumps and the tears…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Go check out Adrienne’s art blog now- she has recently made some of her 5×7 prints available for purchase.  But if you all buy Deepest Loss and there isn’t one left for me, I’ll be so sad that you’ll get the “Made UC cry b/c of your cruelty” award.

One picture, two takes: Jacksper’s edition

Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me!

Take One:

Dear Jacksper-

It’s awesome to see that you’ve taken up a part time job as an Elvis impersonator to fill all your down time while filming New Moon.

So tell me, do the grandma’s swoon when you sing “Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love” or perhaps they cry when you croon “Fools Rush In?”

But what I really want to see if you in a sequined jumpsuit doing “A Little Less Conversation” with KStew, NReed and Rachelle as your back up singers. That would blow that 100 Monkeys nonsense out of the water! Trust me.

Watch out Vegas, there’s a new star in town!

A little more bite, a little less bark!
Themoonisdown

Maria! I just met a guy in the Marines named Maria!

Take Two

Dear Jackson,

I’m trying to put my finger on the vibe I’m getting from your hair, and I’m a little confused. I’m feeling like you’re either going for the “Hi! I’m Jacksper Rathbone, and I look like a skunk” look or are secretly part of the gay Marine core.

Oh, I know what it is!  You’ve been feeling left out that Cam & Rob were asked to do that Vanity Fair “West Side Story” shoot last Spring that you are trying to convince the VF editors that you look the part, as well.  With hair like that, I bet you have killer dance moves, right?

Lovin’ the locks,
UnintendedChoice

Source

This if how you found us? Vol. 2

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR Readers and Random Googlers –

It’s that time of the month again! Time to go trolling through the search terms that led people to our site. Last month we started this feature because we wanted to share with you awesome readers some of the funny stuff UC and I see on the ‘backend’ of the blogs that never get seen by anyone else. For the uninitiated wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. Most searches that lead people here are obvious ones like: Twilight, Letters, Rob, shirtless Kellan pics… you know the usuals! But every so often we get a real winner that simply must be shared with the world and here are this months…

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find us

• filet-o-fish fan site – uh no, not us but this sounds like the perfect name for our new LetterstoTaylorsDad fan site. We LOVE you Taylor’s Dad!

• a shirtless jackson rathbone – it warms my heart that we’re thought of as a place where shirtless pics of the cast can be found. Someday I will unveil my gallery of all the shirtless pictures I’ve been collecting since we started these blogs

• kristen stewart looking like shit – so uh you’re looking for just ANY picture of Kristen, huh. Is there any other way she looks?

• robert pattinson buttcrack – Oh HALE nah, who does Rob think he is? Our lover Buttcrack Santa. NEVER!

• Robert pattinson win a date contest 2009 – Brought to you by a Nigerian Prince and the UK Lottery (which you’ve won!). Just ask these girls

• im rob pattinson ex-girlfriend – no you’re not! SHE is!

• robert pattinson hamburger – ok fakerpattz we know this one’s you!

• unicorn jasper – He does speak eloquently about Twilight, but these guys might have something to say about that!

• pornos – um, wrong place dudes. Unless we’re talking Rob, then head over here

• sass family crest – Sass? Was this you?

• does rob pattinson brush his teeth – this is still up for debate

• edward von twiligt – is this anything like the Count von Count?

More funnies after the cut…

Ashley Greene our new BFF

Dear Ashley,

Friday night was a night of amazing luck.  Not only did my flight get in 52 minutes early, but Moon BOOKED IT over to Hollywood after work (without eating any dinner- that’s commitment) got us tickets for your appearance at Hot Topic, picked me & the hubster up at LAX, and drove us BACK to Hollywood where we showed up at 10:04 and live twitted our entire evening’s experience. And though the night ended around 2am, I still had enough energy to drag my bag up Moon’s bajillion stairs into her house, even though it was 5am my time. Luck, I tell you…

Because we had tickets, we decided NOT to wait in the long-ass line of ticket holders since it was freezing and FAR away from the action. Instead we got up close and personal with all your fans and the camera crews waiting outside of the Hot Topic Store.  There we met some pretty great new Twi-friends (and made fun of and took pictures of some way weirdo Twi-fans) and got to be with Mini-Edward for his first MTV experience.  It was so fun being with all the hyped-up fans (minus the one girl who seriously needs to be kicked for her insane screaming fits) that we didn’t even mind waiting for you for two hours. Plus when you finally showed you were in this adorable red dress flashing your famous, gorgeous “Ashley Greene” smile that we didn’t even mind the crowd rushing us from behind and pushing us into the security gate. (Okay…we minded a little…)

After you went into Hot Topic we decided to be super smart and, again, forego the long-ass line and get us a midnight snack. Johnny Rockets rocks the fries at 12:15am.  By the time we were done, we jumped back at the end of the line, made it into Hot Topic within a 1/2 hour, snapped some adorable shots of you behind the counter, picked up our signed copies of the DVD & swooned over your adorable Twilight earrings (and after viewing some of the professional vids of you that night- we realize you didn’t show up with those earrings and must’ve put them on mid-evening… we’re guessing you were wearing a fan gift, which makes you even more bff-worthy in our minds).

Plus, we ended the night meeting the BEST Unicorn ever in line- Kynt from season 12 of The Amazing Race. He’s the biggest Twilight fan and we wanna invite him to our next sleepover with you and Rachelle, if that’s okay with you.

Really, not much could’ve made our night better (well, maybe 5-8 degrees, a soft comfy chair, 1 less screaming, crazy girl, & you coming 2 hours earlier serving us Rob on a platter). It was amazing and so wonderful to know without a doubt that you are the graceful, beautiful person you appear to be on screen, up close & personal!

Bffs already,
UnintendedChoice

Seriously, amazing night. I was high on adreneline and that’s the only reason I wasn’t falling asleep standing up. Thanks to Ashley Greene for being your adorable, awesome self. Thanks to Moon for not eating dinner and running all over town to ensure we had an amazing night- plus putting the Edward Cullen PillowCase on the bed to welcome me to your home. Thanks to JBell who is our best cheerleader on Twitter! Thanks to the hubster for sitting by himself for hours in downtown Hollywood and enduring the people pretending to be Jesus & Spiderman in the street. And thanks to Kynt, our new friend, who blogs here, and who was so fun to meet at 1-something in the am. Oh, and thanks to Rob Pattinson because you’re hot and… why the hell not?