2nd-hand embarassment

Dear girl in this video,

What did you said after :43 cuz I didn’t watch? I was wayyyyy too embarassed.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to Emily W. for the heads up on the vid. XO

More 2nd-hand Embarassment here *if some of the vids are no longer available, it’s cuz the vid makers got embarassed that we called them 2nd-hand embarassing. Which is kinda the point. So we WIN!

He agrees with us!

Dear Kristen and the recent haters-

2nd question:

What is it that you can’t bear about the person next to you?
Rob: “Her personality.”

BOOM. Roasted! (office anyone?)

See! Even Robert agrees with us!

Love ya
the gals who run this joint

This is how you found us??

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR Readers and random Googlers-

When we started this blog we weren’t really sure anyone would show up and it was mostly a place for us to catalog all the funny things we had said about Twilight and Rob… but little did we know you all would show up. And boy, did you ever! So we sat around wondering how in the world did they find us? Then we found this handy dandy feature on our blogs that tells us the search terms people used to find us. Most of them are your regular run-of-the-mill Twilight related terms but then there are the ones that made us wonder who in the world are these people and WHY would they be searching for this and WHY of all places would they come here looking for THAT? (we also wondered how many run-on sentences we could create). So we started keeping track of all the ones that made us laugh…

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find us

• taylor lautner is ripped – Yea he is! and we feel like creepsters talking about it, but we must cause he is now Wolfgirl property

• save a volvo ride a vampire lyrics – Heck no we did not write this ‘parody song’ but we definitely make fun of it!

• who plays renesmee in breaking dawn- um, no one. That’s a weird question. Have you ever read breaking dawn? This is not actually a movie. YET.

• jizz in my parents– I about peed my parents when I read this one, uh GROSS?

• kristen stewart twilight pants off makeo – so excited they couldnt even finish “makeout.” trust us, she’s not that exciting

• kristen stewart lesbian– yeah, we thought so too

• is rob pattinson a virgin – not after we’re done with him

• kristen stewart has no boyfriend – HAHA this might be news to Mikey Oregano

• rob and kristen fanfiction– i’m so 2nd hand embarrassed to read this one. as IF we’d ever write rob/kstew fan fic! Come on people!

• nikki reed kristen stewart kiss – again! We know
  

• susquehanna university – and you ended up here? I think you may be lost

• kristen stewart and nikki reed holding hands – apparently EVERYONE else is thinking the same thing

• taylor lautner teeth whitening – RIGHT!! Seriously, we want to know this too! Spill your secrets Taylor!

• rob pattinson likes asian – Yea, we have a sneaking suspicion who searched this one and her name is: his one and only and yes, friend he wants to give you a HUCG!

• 

  r-o-b-e-r-t h-o-m-e a-d-d-r-e-s-s

  rob pattinson ticklish – yes but only on his… uh… yea we’ll save those details for ourselves

• nikki reed kiss with kristen stewart van – kissing in a VAN?! down by the river perhaps?

• edward pantless pics – What?! WHERE?!

• twilight unicorn quote – have you READ Twilight? There are NO Unicorns in Twilight but there are TONS here!

• i hate ashley hate site ex gf – Sounds like you need some anger management cause we LOVE us some Ashley

• emmett shirtless pics – yes, i’m proud of this one because it is my one-woman mission to procure every shirtless Kellan picture in existence and curate them here as a homage to his greatness

• pictures of hand writing of robert pattinson – uh, this is creepy! what are you some kind of stalker?

• robert pattinson i hate you but i want to – again with the hate! don’t hate, participate people!

• reed midnight sun online – maybe you should READ more school books instead

Keep em coming googlers!
Themoonisdown & UnintendedChoice

OH HALE NAH!

"psst Rob I just told someone you and your movie sucked!"

Dear Kristen Stewart’s Dad: John Stewart

Today our lovely friend Leigh Anne sent us a post about why Kristen Stewart didn’t present at the Oscars and you said this:

Access’ Billy Bush got the answer on the red carpet, when he asked Kristen’s father, John Stewart, why she wasn’t presenting with Robert Pattinson.

John responded that Kristen would present at the Oscars, “When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

And now JOHN my resulting RANT…

You, my dear long-haired-hippie-stoner daughter-supporting-dad, are a jerkoff and as the wise Poet Laureate of Dogwood Lane, Drum Eatenton, once said:

“An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure“

I have a great idea! Let's burn every bridge we've ever built in Hollywood by saying some really insensitive stuff!

What a load of garbage you people are! At this point I wish Summit would just recast your daughter to teach you all a lesson and get it done with cause she’s bologna and this only proves it. Because even BIG stars (which you are NOT my dear Kristen) understand the need to balance both types of movies. You gotta do your little indie flicks but you also gotta do your big blockbusters too.

What you’ve said John, is a slap in the face to NOT ONLY her costar Robert (who understands the importance and presented!) but also to people like: MERYL freaking STREEP, Philip Seymore Hoffman, Sean Penn, Amy Adams, and flipping Mickey Rourke. COME ON! You and Kristen aren’t even good enough to be those people’s seat fillers during the commercials.

This really got me:

“When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

UH you folks only have yourselves to blame because kstews acting was a majority of the problem! Stuttering, blinking and looking uncomfortable does not equal acting… unless you’re playing a psych ward patient. And that you weren’t!

Since you and your wife work in the film industry you should know first hand how EVERYONE knows EVERYONE. Hollywood is a very small town and you should probably watch what you say to people like BILLY BUSH on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD. Never bite the hand that feeds you John.

And to think UC and I were feeling like being nice girls and posting Kristen’s NYLON pics. YEA RIGHT, not anymore! Saying crap like this just pisses me off and if you think I was being mean in those other KStew posts, I’ve got news for you folks: you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Save us the hassle and piss off!
Themoonisdown

PS Apparently Perez isn’t impressed either

A Halloween Surprise

Dear Edward,

When Halloween rolled around last October, my husband informed me he would be dressing up like you. At first I thought he was joking, but it turned out he was serious. It was something I secretly desired and being the great catch he is, he actually went through with it.

I'm gonna guess that "Edward" got some lovin' that night!

I was afraid no one would recognize him, so I sported a “Team Edward” tee just in case.

We weren’t prepared for the reaction we would get while trick-or-treating with family.

We had moms whisper in coy voices, “I know who you are,” with an oh so subtle wink. Their husbands looked confused asking, “I don’t get it, who is he? He’s wearing normal clothes?”

aOne cougar almost pounced on him chanting, “Oh yeah, Oh yeah baby.” (She was like, 45)

Fangirls follow him wherever he goes

But the best reaction came from teenage girls. One group of girls SCREAMED, yes, SCREAMED when they saw my love dressed up like you (my other love, coincidentally)

It was as if he WAS you by their response. They followed him around, they giggled when he took pictures with them. Some were even dressed as Bella and Alice.

We got such a good response that he volunteered to dress up like you again for the premiere. {Okay, maybe I forced him too} He endured cat calls all night and photo sessions with numerous twi-hards. He kept saying he looked stupid, like he had an eye disease because who wears sunglasses at night? But he looked hott. Super hott. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who thought this because the group of grown women sitting next to us kept hitting on him.

So thank you Edward (and of course to Rob for giving Edward his “look”), for being such an appropriate muse.

Love, Malia

Coming soon "LetterstoMaliashusband.com"

Twilight- the Lost Script

Dear Twilight,

I must be really out of it here because I thought I had read/seen/heard everything related to you that was published in the last 2 years, but I totally missed this one. MSN did a hilarious post called “Twilight- the lost Script” back in November.  I captured the pictures and hilarious convo for my blog so that I can read it forever into eternity. It’s that good.

Love,
UnintendedChoice  

Click to make the pics bigger and laugh along with me! 

The hilarity continues after the jump. You don’t want to miss this!

 

Some Dirt… the AnnaLynne McCord edition

and then I threw up

Dear Kellan-

Could you please be a pal and keep your girlfriend/shag buddy/whatever she is outta all the Twilight news? Cause if I see her weird cat-face one more time yapping about anything Twi-related I think I’ll go nutty.

And besides I’m not sure she’s read the entire bible in 365 days. Just sayin.

Now onto the dirt!
themoonisdown

And so it begins… AnnaLynne auditions for New Moon – ET Online

Hmmmmm hun, that guacamole tastes so good on your tongue.  – LA Rag Mag

Annie needs a break but wants to do a small role like Heidi during her hiatus – Hollyscoop

Someone considers themselves “HARDCORE” yet thinks Heidi is a “1000 yr old vampire” – MTV

annnnd that settles lil Orphan Annie won’t be playing Heidi, hot hardcore enough I would imagine: OK! Mag

Non Anna
Abandon Ship!!! – Convention at Sea

2nd hand embarassed- it’s getting worse, ya’ll

Eddie-Beddie

Dear Edward,

I’m sorry. This is weird.

And Rob, babe….seriously you need a new lawyer. Don’t let your contract be allowing this kind of nonsense.

Love,
Us

Special thanks to JBell for finding this gem!

If you love this and want more, this special link is just for you- you can create your very own Twilight-inspired bedroom. But be sure to send us pics of the finished product so we can either laugh behind your back, or, if you’re lucky, post it on our site for all the world to laugh at.

Some crazy Twilighter got married

To the person who thought it would be cool to put a Breaking Dawn quote on their wedding picture,

Bella would never have those nails. And Edward’s perfect hands don’t look like that. I promise.

Love,
I’m not going to tell you who this is from b/c I’m so 2nd-hand embarassed that I’m hiding under a tree.

Big shout out to M-Styles for sending this to us! XO

Move over Rob, I’ll take Kellan

Robert Pattin-who?

Dear Kellan,

So, I’ve met you 3 times and I’ll stand in line for days to meet you 3 more times. I don’t get the whole hype on Rob. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the guy is amazingly gorgeous, but you are one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Is it totally crazy to think that someone’s kind personality can make them cuter than a so-called RPattz?

a

People out there need to realize that just because you don’t have greasy hair and a British accent doesn’t make you any less attractive. Oh, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think Rob’s body even compares to the one that you’ve got.

a

I’m all about Team Edward, but when it comes to the actors that play the characters in the book, it’s Team Kellan for me.

Someone needs to get this boy some oil blotting sheets pronto. He's starting to grease up like Robbie

Xoxo,
Joleena

a

*about TIME someone gave Kellan some love!

Interested in joining Kellan’s Bible study? Yeah, we are too

Round Two is a no-go

Bitch, please! Once is enough

Dear Nikki Reed,

I know you’re probably pretty bummed that Rob’s been in town since Tuesday and hasn’t called you yet.  I wouldn’t take it too personally. He just got here and he needs to get fitted for his tux, try on his shoes, shave, unpack his one pair of pants and black shoes, grab some in-and-out, pleasure theMoonisDown (& wish it was me), etc. etc. He’s keeping a pretty tight schedule.

I’m gonna take a wild guess at what you were expecting to happen with Rob in town, and well, he isn’t going there, girl.  I’m not sure what happened the first time around, back on some drunken night in Portland, but I do know Rob isn’t doing it again.

Those were the days when he “couldn’t get a date” and was “fat” and “lived in a crack flat with TomStu.” Now he can “get lots of dates”, is “in no way fat” (only delicious) and, well, I guess he potentially still does live in that crack flat with TomStu, but that’s besides the point. You’re just not necessary. I know you thought you were- but that one time was just that- one time. And it only happened b/c you stumbled into his room, drunk, and he thought it would be more interesting than “playing his own trumpet” that night.

That’s it. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Round Two is a no-go.

"I know you want this"

You’re busy though, right? Since you’re such a brilliant actress, you really have to start working on your craft again.. it’s going to take WEEKS to perfect your steely Rosalie glare (if you can even perfect it).  Plus, being the world’s most perfect fake-lesbian with Kristen really is an all-consuming activity.

Even if he wanted you, you just wouldn’t have time for Rob (and just as a reminder, he doesn’t want you)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to my late night IMing partner, you know who you are, for all the help, all the time. “We did it, we hit it, it was whack” I’d like to be a fake lesbian with you. XO