Unicorns DO exist!

I miss Twilight. I think I’ll watch it again soon- as soon as I remember who I lent my copy of the DVD to! But what I miss a ton is hearing what guys think of Twilight. This fan letter today reminded me of when we heard these stories all.the.time:

Dear Twilight,

You acquired a new fan this weekend and it might surprise you who it is. It sure surprised me. It’s my husband! After a full year of trying to keep my husband in the dark about Twilight, I was forced out into the open by Showtime. You see, I hadn’t let my husband watch the Twilight movie for fear that he would think I was insane for liking it. I hid the DVD behind other DVDs in the hopes that he wouldn’t find it and decide to just pop it in one day to see what all the fuss was about. Then the moment I was dreading happened. Twilight started playing on cable. And let’s face it, once it starts showing on cable, it’s virtually impossible to NOT see it. So I had a choice to make. I could not pay the bill and let our cable get disconnected or I could “woman up” and finally sit down to watch it with him. I decided to be an adult and face the music. After putting the kids to bed and settling in with a bottle of wine (all for me, btw), me and my husband turned on Twilight.

I fully expected to be ridiculed for the next 2 hours, but something surprising started happening. My husband looked like he was enjoying it. I had to explain a few things at the beginning, because so much was left out from the book. But other than that he seemed to get it. He laughed at the appropriate times. He really enjoyed Charlie (but who didn’t, right?). He laughed at Edward’s snarky comments. But what was more surprising was what he didn’t laugh at. He didn’t laugh at “Spider Monkey”, the cheesy special effects, “My Monkey Man” or Kristen’s stuttering and stammering in the hospital scene. And I was certain he would laugh at the sparkling. Come on! Even we lover’s of Twilight laugh at the cheesiness of the sparkling vampires. Nope! There was not even a smirk when Edward revealed himself. Was it possible my husband was actually liking this or was he just humoring me? As the movie came to an end, I was a little nervous. I didn’t want to ask my husband what he thought. He’s pretty tough when it comes to movies. He has a tradition of rating movies on a scale of 1 – 10. Most movies get a 5. One of his favorite movies, The Dark Knight, only got a 9 out of 10. I figured we were doing good if he gave it a 5. He didn’t say anything, however, so I assumed it was much worse than I thought and he was just sparing my feelings. Finally as we were getting ready for bed he said, “I liked it. I’d give it a 7.” What?! Were my ears deceiving me? Did my husband actually like this? Was he just mocking me? Or did I have a unicorn on my hands? The next words out of his mouth confirmed it, “I wouldn’t mind going to see the next one at the theater with you.” He spent the next few minutes asking me questions about the rest of the books/movies and trying to clarify points he didn’t quite understand. In the end, he admitted he thought it was a pretty romantic movie.

To think that I’ve spent the last year trying to keep my obsession under wraps, when I could have just let it all out for him to see. Apparently sparkling, emo vampires who only drink animal blood and attend high school over and over do not bother him. He found it interesting. What I found interesting were some of his comments during the movie. I’ve only ever watched and discussed Twilight with other women. It was nice to get a man’s perspective. Here were some of this thoughts as the movie played.

Random thoughts my husband had during Twilight

• Jessica is “stacked”
• Why are all those guys hitting on her (Bella)? I would go for the other girl (Jessica). She seems like she’d be a lot more fun. She actually smiles and laughs.
• That guy (Rob) looks A LOT better in this movie than he did when we saw him on Letterman. ( I strongly disagreed with this, but he thought Rob looked better with his vampire make-up)
• I bet she’s a joy to live with with (Bella). She seems like such a downer.
• If you knew he was vampire, would you go off into the woods with him alone?
• He admits he killed people and she doesn’t care?!
• Wouldn’t kissing a vampire feel like kissing a cold, dead fish?
• I can’t imagine not being able to sleep. I’d get bored.
• So he (Edward) waits 100 years to fall in love and that’s (Bella) who he chooses?
• Why doesn’t he just change her? Wouldn’t that solve the problem? (This was said during the chase scene with James)

But my favorite exchange came during the bedroom kiss scene:

As Edward slowly leans in to kiss Bella
DH: Wouldn’t that be like kissing your steak dinner?
Me: Ssshh! You’re ruining it for me.
Edward flings himself off of Bella and against the wall
DH: Whoa! Why did he do that? Was he turned on?
Me: Yes. He can’t go too far. He can’t have sex with her.
DH: Really? Why?
Me: He can’t lose control around her or he might accidentally kill her.
DH: Hmmm. . . now I know why you like this. It’s all about the yearning and the longing. Women love stuff like that.
Me: Shut up.

Unicorns DO exist!

So there you have it. I was doubting the existence of unicorns. I’ve heard people on this site talk about unicorn sightings, but I never really believed it. Now I can say that, yes, there are men who like Twilight. There are men who don’t laugh at sparkling vampires who wear too much lipstick. I know. I live with one.

Toooldforthis

Seriously- I laugh at that picture to our right EVERY TIME. Tonight, my husband who normally tells me to STOP blogging said, “UC- you need to blog about vampires and stop watching Chuck & Blair fanvids” My.. how the times have changed!

After the jump, see the hilarious winning entry from the contest we ran yesterday! ANDDDDDDD finally… that trailer we all want to see!

Appreciation Sunday: Anna Kendrick

Dear Anna,

Today seems like an appropriate day to appreciate you since tonight you are going to one of the hottest events in this year’s award season to hopefully score a Golden Globe for best supporting actress. That is impressive. Even if you don’t win tonight (and I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t want to go up against Mo’nique if I were you!) you have SO much to be proud of!

Hey Jessica

First we loved you as Jessica Stanley and considered you part of the “dream team” of actors (aka the humans) in Twilight and then again in New Moon. You made us feel like were 17 again as we got out the old yearbook and reminisced about who Jessica Stanley was at our schools back in the day (Mine was Jenny Waller- cute, semi-popular (curly hair like the Jessica in the book) and sweet to your face but a bitch behind your back). And then you stole the show in your few scenes in New Moon. I lost the paper where I wrote it down, but I think I counted nine “likes” during the scene when you and Bella were leaving the movies. Brilliant. Like really.

And then you go and not only hold it together in the presence of George Clooney and that hot girl he hooks up with but you actually RULE your part. It’s no secret that actors tend to play parts that are similar from project to project. So I expected your character in Up in the Air to be a version of Jessica Stanley. No! You were an Ivy-league educated, know-it-all with a sweet, forward spirit and a really bad ponytail. And you blew me away! You blew a lot of people away, obviously since you’re winning awards all over the place! Not to mention the director, Jason Reitman, wrote the part for you, before he even met you! That’s impressive!

So girl, go get ’em tonight! You have a major fan in me!

Tell Clooney hi for me!,
UnintendedChoice

After the jump, check out some fun vids of Anna I found! Plus drool over more pictures cuz that girl is hoooot!

We wish you a Cullen Christmas

Dear LTTers,

Merry Christmas Eve! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, merry time of year when everyone says “Merry Christmas” to you and you look at them and say, “But I don’t celebrate Christmas” and they stare back at you, not understanding, in a santa hat!

Moon and I have objected ourselves to 2nd-hand embarrassment, yet again, to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Love,

UC & Moon

After the jump, read all the wonderful lyrics penned by @Brookelockart, Moon & myself. Print them out and have a family sing-a-long around the dinner table tomorrow!

New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown

(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)

Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon: ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?!
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut

Our top ten favorite moments in Twilight, the movie

Dear LTT/LTR-ers and Twihards, lovers and haters of this site,

Today is another big day in the life of us here at LTT. Yes, you might have guessed it but today marks our TEN MONTH anniversary. Now not to get all high school relationship on you but we think blogging solid for ten months is a big deal. Countless hours, love, conversations, text messages, good ideas, really bad ideas (trust me, there are tons), blood sweat and tears have gone into these ten months so UC and I want to celebrate this week. In honor of our ten month anniversary we are going to be bringing you a new top ten list every day this week to celebrate and look towards the next ten!

So to kick off our top tens I’m gonna start us off with Top Ten Favorite Twilight Movie Moments! All the little things, the good and the sometimes cheesy things that we loved and couldn’t imagine living without. All the moments that we wanted to see make it in, the ones we didn’t know and the ones that made us fall in love with the story all over again… here they are

10. The Cullen’s enter the Cafeteria

The set up for the whole movie: who are those kids and why are they different and most importantly WHO IS THAT BOY? Why yes, it’s only the hottest boy to ever grace the United States public school system, that’s who. And he just happens to be a Vampire. Ok wait, she’ll learn that later… let’s not get ahead of ourselves now!

09. Animal Attack

Oh Carlisle you kill us with the delivery of that line coupled with the totally obvious stare down you give Edward. Yup, it was totally an animal that killed Buttcrack Santa and not some crazy psycho nomadic vampire that’s going to develop some weirdo fascination with Bella and stop at nothing to kill her. Yup, totes an animal.

Wanna find out what else made our top ten list of favorite Twilight Movie Moments? Follow the cut…

The tassle’s worth the hassle! Twilight stars graduate

Seniors Rule, underclassmen drool! FORKS SENIORS YALL!!!

Dear Graduating Vampires, Humans and I’m sure some of the Werewolves,

We break for the weekend and you all decide to go and graduate on us. I’m a little disappointed I didn’t receive an invitation to commencement but I’ll just assume mine is lost in the mail and head over to Hallmark asap to get you all a bunch of shiz that says “Class of 2009” that you will eventually find 5 years later when you’re cleaning out our old bedroom at your parents house. Return it NOW for cash. Trust me.

Seeing the caps and gowns and fake diplomas got me thinking about when I graduated and how I loved those cheesy quotes that people used in their commencement speeches, on graduation announcements, and as the class motto so I got to thinking about which quote you guys would choose for your graduation. And here’s what I came up with…

Bella Swan - biggest tease

Mike Newton
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us  (burritos).  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bella Swan
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did….  (so TURN me already, Edward!! GEEZ!!) ~Attributed to Mark Twain, unconfirmed

Angela Weber
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. (Cause it always freaking rains in freaking Forks, Washington)  ~Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book

Best lines in a movie about vampires and hottest body when not playing a nerd

Eric Yorkie
Excellence is not a skill.  It is an attitude  (So CHILLAX!). ~Ralph Marston

Edward Cullen
The important thing is not to stop questioning (But I hope you enjoy disappointment). ~Albert Einstein

Alice Cullen
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance! Manolo Blahniks ~Andy McIntyre

(I know, I know they didn’t graduate the same year, but just go with it…)

Forks class of 09

Rosalie Hale
Education is the best provision for old age. (So it becoming an Vampire)  ~Aristotle

Jasper Hale
There is a good reason they call these ceremonies ‘commencement exercises’. Graduation is not the end, it’s the beginning (trust me, I’ve done this like 50 times) – Orrin Hatch

Emmett Cullen
Do not follow where the path may lead.  Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail (but hopefully no scent for any murderous nomadic vampires).  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Graduation!

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world (so is blogging about Vampires),
Themoonisdown

UC brings the awesome over at Letters to Rob
Sign Edwards yearbook in the forum!

Some suggestions for New Moon

Dear Chris Weitz,

I know you’re knee-deep in New Moon editing & have probably come across some scenes that are just “lacking” something- they need a little pizazz (and I’m talking about something more than a dance off between Newton & Yorkie in the cafeteria- although that would rule- thank me in the credits)

As a professional vampire blogger, I’ve spent way too much time watching Twilight, studying the art of Catherine Hardwicke’s directing (ahem) & making fun of things that suck, so I have some suggestions on how to ensure your movie provides us countless things to “break down” in the months following its release.  You may have to hire some new people and bring a few principle actors back in to shoot a few new scenes, but trust- it’ll be worth it.

Recreating “Spider-Monkey”

Psst Kristen, watch out! Chris Hansen is coming for you

I know you’re not as quirky as the cougar & may want to keep the line writing in the hands of the screen-writer, but I think you can trust your young actors with no writing experience to pick their own lines. Catherine let Rob choose the wonderful line “hold on tight, spider monkey,” and look how well that went over with fans. So I think you should let Taylor choose a line this time around. You can just bring him in the studio for some audio overdubs & have Jacob say one of the following to Bella right before the almost kiss (Oh by the way, if that’s not an almost kiss, you might wanna hold on to the family jewels. Cuz someone will cut them off if you let that kiss happen)

“Hold on tight you little puppy”
“I’m gonna lick you now”
“FETCH… my lips”
“Arizona, how you likin’ my lips girl?”
“I just wanna try one thing…. Sit. Good Bella”

The Mike Newton Shine

Newton & Yorkie dance off Take 1

I hope the reason you decided to switch from Catherine’s gray & blue Forks world to a vibrant warm brown-toned one was because the blue grays couldn’t contain the joy Mike Newton brings to the screen.  For New Moon, I highly suggest even more Newton & Yorkie screen time. Bring them back into the studio. Maybe you can incorporate a scene of banter between just them- perhaps a discussion on who has the better rack- Rosalie Hale or Jessica Stanley. And Chris, don’t disappoint- If we don’t hear Mike say “You’re alivveeee” with his famous Newton fist shake every time he sees Bella walk into Newton Outfitters looking like depressed death, I’m gonna demand my money back. Mike is kinda a dumb jock (minus the jock part) and obviously doesn’t know how to be sensitive about the depression Bella is in, so he needs to be unintentionally insensitive. Why not throw in a “Arizona- How you likin’ your tears, girl?”

The new Buttcrack in Town

vs.  

You really need to give your audience a reason to connect with a character. Catherine did this perfectly with the introduction of Buttcrack Santa.  Sadly, that connection was cut short with his unfortunate death while singing a song about mama making a kitty ‘meow.’  Who’s gonna be the one who connects with us this time around? I’ll tell you who- Tequila Tomás- the Mexican immigrant who serves as an uber stereotypical character (cuz Mike Newton, the handsome white boy who holds a basketball and hits on the new girl, isn’t stereotypical enough)

Catherine kicked us off with a stereotype– Her ‘creepy guy who volunteers as Santa during the holidays in hopes that the teenage girls sit on his lap in short skits’ was okay, but Tequila Tomás, the only Mexican in a town of 3,120 who serves as the local landscaper, bus boy at the diner AND plays in a Mariachi band every other Friday night down at the VFW, is the way to go.  I have a really good feeling about his ability to connect with the audience.

I’m not exactly sure what the storyline should be. Maybe Bella goes to the diner alone & he comes over to clear her plate and looks in her eyes and says “Bella,” and she takes it as a sign that he’s the one who will listen to her sorrows. When in fact he was just being a creepy older guy and telling her she was “bella”- beautiful in Spanish.  But they bond & he offers to trim her bushes for free (again Bella misinterprets) & a friendship begins.  Of course you’ll need to kill him off- this will really ensure we connect with poor Tequila Tomás. Maybe he can die an ironic death after binge drinking tequila when he realizes Bella isn’t falling for him- or perhaps you don’t kill him off & just help us sympathize with him. Maybe he loses a leg in a lawn mower accident.  I’m not sure what’s a better storyline- let Taylor, with his new-found screenwriting abilities, make that decision.

Just a couple tips from an experienced vampire blogger to help you finalize New Moon. You’re welcome. All I ask in return is that you slip Moon & I a few tickets to the premiere in November & slip me a certain someone’s hotel room….. (I’ve always liked Mariachi bands…..)

Love,
UnintededChoice

Make up funny jokes about Tequila Tomas on The Forum
Call Moon a Rob-ulance over on LTR

Screenshots via LionandLambLove
Buttcrack Santa & Tequila Tomas from my personal collection (aka google image)

Monday Funnies: Cuz nothing’s funnier than laughing at Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I’m so glad we can laugh at your expense. Cuz Lord knows that the list is growing of reasons why I need to laugh: Pics surfaced of Robsten having an intense argument at the Kings of Leon concert about who would have the most grease if they wrung their hair into a measuring cup; when writing about how I was scarred because I accidentally clicked on the snail & dragon penis‘ 3 times on Friday, I accidentally clicked on them another 3 times; I forgot Bella & Edward’s anniversary; I went to three cupcake places yesterday and all three were closed; Plus Cam Gigandet’s 27th birthday was yesterday, and I was really pissed cuz my “Important Twi dates” calendar had it wrong and listed his birthday as today, and then I realized instead of being pissed that I missed it I should just be embarrassed that I have an “Important Twi-dates” calendar. So, I need these laughs:

After the jump- a little bonus Monday Funny: