The Twilosophy of Twilight celebrities

Dear Twilight cast member lovers,

I did a lot of thinking while I was on vacation last week. I tried not to, but as I laid on the beach, relaxing to the tunes on my iPod, feeling the salty breeze flow over my body, my mind drifted. And I know you know what that means. Yes. I thought about you all. And of Twilight. On vacation. I thought specifically about the lives of these stars that Moon & I write about each and every day. And I started pondering WHY we’re so enamored with them.

A few weeks ago, Moon & I were talking about how it seems like Taylor has no friends. Sure he has Big Daddy, and WE know he’s all the friend anyone could ever need, but Taylor’s an 18 year old guy. He shouldn’t yet be in the mindset of “I have a really cool dad who always knows how to get the best table at a national food chain.” He should be watching porn with his bros & getting crap from them for letting Taylor Swift drive HIM around Hillsboro village in Nashville last week (Oh, did I forget to mention my friend’s boss saw them drive by? Oops- it’s true.) And I’m not so sure Dakota has too many friends. Sure maybe there’s that girl who lent her a pencil once in Spanish class, but most 16 year olds are constantly surrounded by an entourage of gal pals (then again, most 16 year olds haven’t made more than I’ll ever make by the time they were 5…). And while she’s the originator of the fake lesbian– the girl bff- Kristen Stewart has never really been seen publicly with anyone other than costars or lovers. What do Taylor, Dakota & Kristen have in common? Twilight err Oprah err all think Rob is hot err NO! Child Stars. So I got thinking about how many people want to be friends with celebrities. I hear people talk all the time about being BFFs with Kristen and how they’d love to be her friend.. people say that all the time about all sorts of celebs- Hell, I even say it.. but why?

UC & Moon

Do your friends do THIS with you!?

If you know me at all in real life, you’ve probably heard about the friends I love dearly. Pardon me while I brag, but I have incredible friends. My friends run their own companies. They make me laugh- like could be on a comedy tour kind of laugh. They are artists, musicians and creators. They are extremely educated and smart, and yet half the time instead of talking to them I choose to blog about celebrities? Why? Sure Kristen uses big words from time to time and has an allure about her that might be mysterious and interesting to some, but I don’t think she’s ANY more interesting than any of the incredible people in my life. And Ashley has a smokin’ bod & a bitchface to rival Kstew’s, but give any of my friends a trainer, stylist & hair extensions and they’d be competing for the same modeling gigs she is.

What are we so interested in about celebrities? Their stories from being famous? That they are world-traveled? That they have money? That they “know” people? But who cares about the people they “know?” I just explained above the people I know. Give my friend Scott the level of celebrity that Rob has and he’d be much more alluring and better spoken- guaranteed. My husband is just as talented as any famous musician out there- I’d say that even if I didn’t sleep with him- and I can go on and on naming my friends & their talents. The only difference between with them and celebrities is that celebrities got a break. They were a few of the lucky, talented (or beautiful and untalented or just really lucky) who got through- very few do.

Come see my many talents

And it’s one thing to obsess over celebrities in general, but then we’re talking the TWILIGHT cast!? Some will argue for Kristen or Rob’s talent. Most will agree that Dakota is pretty legit, but no one seriously thinks Taylor is gonna win any sort of award except for “Kept me in business for the most time in years 2008-2009” from Chris Hansen. Yet we talk about him over and over and over again. WHAT is it!? WHY is it!?

I know all these things, yet I still DESIRE to talk about celebs because their lives seem so much more interesting. But are they? Kristen may get to travel the world but at what cost- do those things matter if there’s no one really close to share it with? Did Rob ENJOY Budapest while being there? He might as well have been in Jersey, shooting in some old warehouse in Camden. And while going out to the Olive Garden with dad is cool the first couple of times, eventually….. that’s just a little sad….

I kind of feel bad for the Twi celebs- especially those who were sort of brought up in the world of the rich & famous- it’s one thing to not be able to go grab a burger in LA without getting photographed, but to have few close relationships? That makes me kinda sad….. Until I remember how much richer than are than me…. Never mind…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Do you ever wonder why we’re so obsessed with celebrity culture? And specifically the celebs of Twilight? Do you agree that Tay, Dakota & Kristen seem to be semi-friendless? Wanna write them REAL letters & see if they wanna be pen pals?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Over it! Goodbye Runaways and Remember Me, give me back my Twilight!

GET THE LOOK! And then get a life

Dear Remember Me & The Runaways-

If I see another commercial, video clip, interview, late night talk show, picture, WHATEVER about you it will be too soon. I think we have officially reached the over saturation point. You’re EVERYWHERE I turn. On the TV, on huge billboards, on Twitter, and on every TWILIGHT site. I’m SOOO over it. I don’t care how to get Kristen’s eye makeup look from the movie (sleep in day old eyeliner and smudge), I don’t care that Pierce Brosnon decided to use a “Brooklyn Accent” (he shoulda forgotaboutit, cause it’s awful), I don’t care who they wore to the premieres (Pucci, Doo.Ri, Elie Saab, Valentino, Derelique) and I DEFINITELY do not care that Dakota and KStew made out and it was “hot” (it wasn’t).

In the total media onslaught for these two films we seem to have lost track of two very important things: New Moon and Eclipse! WTF are those, right? I totally forgot about the New Moon DVD coming out and what happened to Eclipse?! I was too busy watching Rob and Emilie kissing on E! News to remember such trivial things like having FACEPUNCH available in the comfort of my home! It’s the day before New Moon comes out on DVD and we don’t even know know which stores the cast will be making appearances at. Who wants to talk about “Cherry Bomb” when I can see Chris Weitz in the flesh?! That’s a NO BRAINER.

I think I'm supposed to care that this guy took a pic w/ Rob. All I care about is Dick in a bow tie

I can’t even go to a Twilight site to see whats new in the TWILIGHT FANDOM without having to sift through post after post of red carpet interviews with Cherrie Currie talking about Dakota or Rob talking about the nuances of a love scene with Emilie. I don’t care anymore, that was last week give me my TWILIGHT BACK!! Give me Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse or give me death!

Oh and ANOTHER THING…

Seriously Twitter users, it’s just overkill now. We know and agree wholeheartedly that Kristen and Dakota looked hot at the premieres but your 24/7 virtual lady boners for these girls are weirding us the ef out. One more day of this stuff and I’m going to hang a “gone fishing” sign on the virtual door of our Twitter and come back once the fake lesbian (or maybe not) Viagra has worn off. Damn.

WAIT, Eclipse is coming out?! There are jorts and Edward!!

So remember last fall when we finally had to call a moratorium on the word “jizz?” Yup, I think we’re there again only this time it’s on the Runaways and Remember Me. Please go away and give me my Twilight back.

Hiding in a fallout shelter till the viagra wears off or until something worthwhile comes out,
Themoonisdown

/rant

PS If you will be in LA at some undisclosed location with Chris Weitz and Nikki Reed and hopefully me (moon) and some other gals please come say hi and hand me a chill pill, or a hug. Thanks!

Are you over it? Can’t get enough Runaways make up tips? Watched EVERY video of Rob on the RM red carpet? Want to hurt someone for some Eclipse information? What the crap is happening with Breaking Dawn? Do I need anger management class?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Kristen and Dakota on Leno? This is war!

Someone is NOT with Coco!

Dear Dakota and Kristen,

I heard the news that you will be on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show to promote your movie, The Runaways. And I gotta say I’m a bit hurt. I mean JAY LENO?! This is a traitorous move to the legions of Team Coco fans around the world who love the red-coiffed one and feel he was unjustly forced to leave the Tonight Show by the evil doers at NBC because of what a crap fest the Jay Leno Show was.

Don’t be surprised when Jay whips out some zingers like “This movie has BITE,” or “Watch out Dakota and Kristen will RUN AWAY with your hearts on this one folks,” or I’m hoping against hope he makes your girls participate in “Jay Walking All Stars.” That will teach you girls to turn your back on Conando.

Traitors

How can you do it girls?! And especially you Kristen! You touched Conan’s HAIR when you were on his show promoting New Moon! You’ve touch God, essentially and then to sully yourself by going over to sit on Leno’s couch is unthinkable. Such treason is not looked upon lightly by the Team Coco nation. “We’re with Coco” after all and if you’re not with us, you’re against us.
I’m off to wonder why Conan didn’t chose to follow me on his hilarious Twitter. Such is life.
Themoonisdown

PS Now let’s get to what we’re here for… screaming over the TEN SECOND (wtf?) TEASER TRAILER (another WTF?!) for Eclipse which I’m sure we’ll post here once it goes up.

How much of a Conan O’Brien nerd am I? Also please don’t make me link to the “How to tell if this is sarcasm” link. Seriously!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

UPDATE: THIS bad boy was just sent to us…

Quick thoughts on Twilight things

Dear LTT readers,

All I really want to do on this Monday is discuss the amazing Valentine’s Day gift we were given yesterday in the form of Eclipse stills and try to figure out whether THIS is the LEG HITCH or not:

But, alas, the images were all leaked and not supposed to be seen by the public yet even though everyone saw them (if you didn’t clearly you’re not on twitter or you have a life on the weekends) or will see them today when major media picks them up and posts them thinking they are ready to be seen and discussed and loved and oohed and aahed over. So for now, we can just stare at the image I pixelated off the images I have on my hard-drive for my own personal enjoyment (just like all of you who saw the images yesterday have!) and imagine the day when we’ll discuss in full detail the ‘is this or is this not the leg hitch’ question.

In the meantime, I have a few things on my mind. And I thought I’d just write them in mini letters:

Dear Dakota’s eyebrows,

You creep me the eff out like that German ice skater last night at the Olympics. On the other hand…

Dear Hot version of Dakota,

Where did little version of Dakota go? This creeps me out in… kinda a good way. Like I’m not sure what to think. I might wanna be a fake lesbian with you… I dunno.. jury is still out. You’re still that little girl with the mentally retarded dad to me sometimes. And then… sometimes you’re hot…. I’m gonna think on this.. And probably end up requesting a life partnership, but don’t quote me on it…Those eyebrows still creep me out

Dear Kristen,

Did California have an earthquake I missed? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for that hair you wore to a Haiti  fundraiser….

Dear Kellan,

Let me guess, that’s your “Wild at Heart” study Bible and you are reading your favorite passage from Song of Solomon 7:7-8

Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree;

I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,

What tunes do you have playing? The new Switchfoot?

Dear Taylor,

You’re skinnier than Heidi Montag after 18 tummy tucks. Time to grill up some meat. Form them into patties. And stick them into little baggies. And then eat them.

Dear Kristen,

Did Carey fart? Did Abbie say she was going to steal your boyfriend? Your hair looks the best it has in TEN months. You’re wearing a dress any girl would KILL for. S-M-I-L-E

Dear Kellan Lutz & Chase Crawford,

It’s obvious this is what went down at the Calvin Klein fashion show in NY: You saw you were supposed to sit next to each other. Calvin wants Chase next for the face err other body part of his underwear line. He hoped Kellan could encourage him and show him the ropes. But you guys gave each other “the look.” It was “the look” that said: “Yeah, Ashley did that thing to me too and I still can’t get it out of my mind, although the fact that I know she did it to you and at least 12 other guys in this room kinda freaks me out enough but not enough to not want to try to get her to do that thing again so let’s not talk or sit next to each other because we’re in competition, man.”

That’s what’s on my mind!
Love,
UnintendedChoice

What’s on your mind!?

Images found on TwiCrackAddict & EclipseMovie

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Dakota Fanning at Sundance – A Thank You

Fan-dance!

Dear Dakota-

I think this is our first letter to just you! After this weekend’s Sundance overload I felt it was time to throw some of the spotlight on YOU and add you to the hallowed halls of letter recipients. It seems as though Twitter exploded with KStew information and pictures from Sundance even going as far as to proclaim it “Stewdance” which is probably blasphemous since if it needed to be renamed anything this weekend if should have been “Howldance” but what I couldn’t help noticing between all the clutter and tweets and pictures and koolaid drinking was you. You held a quiet confidence in pictures and looked like a young actress with tons of experience but was not willing to dismiss her age in lieu of appearing more mature, skanky or above it all like some of the actors and actresses who showed up. That’s pretty high-five worthy in my book.

I’d also like to thank you for going to Park City and keeping it real. You showed that you can be a teenager, comb your hair, put on a nice jacket, some ripped jeans and Doc Martens and still look presentable like you’re trying to sell a movie you’re proud of. Good on you!


Now THIS is the way to do rocker chic in the snow! Loving the Docs, I think I may have to dig my pair out


Thanks for giving us a kick-ass Ziggy Stardust shirt instead of a free shot of your nipple or midriff

Can you tell I’m over the Sundance madness already?
Themoonisdown

What do you think of the hoopla surrounding Sundance? Love it? Hate it? Anyone got love for the Fanning? Anyone know where I can get that Panther shirt?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

The Twilight cast takes on awards season!

Here to provide advice to the Twilight cast members about the upcoming awards season, CalliopeBlabs

Dear Twilight Saga Cast Members,

There’s always something sad about the end of the holidays. There’s this period of mourning when the holiday decorations start to come down, the leftovers make their way into the trashcan, and you discover that last piece of glitter hiding in that unmentionable place and hope its from when you dropped the container while making ornaments for charity and not from that midnight encounter in the back of the crowded bar while you were engaged in… questionable shenanigans during the ball dropping. Yes, the end of the holidays is harsh. Sad. Depressing. I can only imagine how much this is affecting all of you… as I envision the holidays (and the time off) were especially dear to you this year. Especially you Stew, I know how you love Christmas so (#HolidayStewLivesOn).

But you see, the gods of Hollywood knew that the end of the Holiday season could prove detrimental to the well being of the faces of their industry. This is why, they invented… drum roll please… AWARDS SEASON. What better way to get the fabulous hunks of Hollywood to hop into a tanning booth to shed themselves of the pallid tone they’d acquired while secluded in the mountain ski resorts across the world. How else to insure that the starlets would do everything in their power to shed the ghastly 1 pound they put on while actually EATING over the holidays? Why… COMPETITION of course! NUMEROUS, LIVE, OVERLY DOCUMENTED, COMPETITIONS!!! And the competition isn’t even what makes awards season fabulous… no, no… it’s the horrible fashion faux pas, The embarrassing speeches, The scandalous dates, The hopeful catfights, The after party gossip,… all these things whose mere mention make me more excited than a teen wolf who imprints on someone his own age!

Now, though New Moon may not have been the most critically acclaimed movie this past year, it sure as hell did put a good dent in the Box office numbers for 2009… and that alone should allow you, dear TSCMs (aka Twilight Saga cast members… I’m in the mood for acronyms today), some good leeway in earning your way into the swag-bag pre-parties, The sizzling, boozefest afterparties, and, of course, the events themselves. Between the PCAs, CCAs, GGs, SAGs, BAFTAs, Grammys and of course the Oscars… there are a lot of Hollywood bigwig asses to be kissed there is a lot to know! I won’t bore you with my winner predictions or tease you with who I think will be best dressed on this year’s carpets (hint: it’s not you Ashley Greene) instead, I’d like to present you with a guide of sorts to all things awards… so that you understand where to go, what to wear , and who to bang who to approach to further your career.

Kristen voted "Bobby Long" 1,200 times

The PCAs (The People’s Choice Awards)

Aka the ones where you only the winners have to show up

These awards, dear TSCMs, are voted on by the people… you know… people like me. Or you. That’s right. I’m calling you out ROB and KRISTEN. I know what you’re thinking readers… “Rob and Kristen didn’t win”… and nope… they sure didn’t. And you know why? Because since they’d wrapped promotion on New Moon, those two had been sitting around, feeding each other In-N-Out, sipping Heinekens, and voting for other people. And you thought the only thing they knew how to do sneakily was each other… HAH! Know why the whole BritPack was on Isle of Wright for New Years? It wasn’t because they wanted company… no, no… it was because Rob and Kristen, in a last ditch effort, had practically set up a command central where everyone focused on voting for other people in their categories. This is how serious they were about NOT showing up to another awards show. I fear for MTVMAs… I do.

The CCAs (The Critic’s Choice Awards)

Aka the ones you most definitely should stay clear of

Dakota- showing the newbies how it's done

For some reason or another, the Critics HATE you guys. Well… most of you. Stewie, Sheen and Fanning… you guys would sorta be in the clear to go to this… as long as you do not mention the Saga AT ALL. Like, when a reporter asks if you are excited about Eclipse you simply look at them, dumbfounded, and say “you must have me mistaken with someone else… I’m Listen Hewart” and then run off. Like RUN. And Rob, for the love of the hot pocket, you are NOT to go near this event. In fact, I think you’d be well advised to bunker down in the UK for a good 2 days pre and post event just to be safe. They would spot you coming and literally EAT YOU ALIVE. Furthermore, it’s on VH1… if that doesn’t scream waste of your time… I don’t know what does.

Calliope REALLY educates the cast after the jump! Continue reading

Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

  • The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone


Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

  • This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00
Continue reading