*Join Freya as she pens a letter to Ashley Greene and confronts her about their relationship*
Dear LOVAH (I mean, Dear Ashley Greene),
Ever since Twilight, I knew you were the one. Sure, KStew’s got the pins to DIE for, and Rachelle has that fiery red hair, and even Nikki has that je ne sais quois, but you–you were the one I knew I would go fake lez for. (I’ve seen the pics of you and Rachelle—I knew you would be down.) And you have been such a gracious fake lady love. You were the perfect BFF in Twilight and New Moon, and I felt like we TOTALLY bonded. Especially when I realized that you was so much less stutter-y than Bella. I like my to ladies look good, and you did that, too. Except for the MTV Movie Awards, where clearly you were trying to allow me to shine as I sat at home wearing my sweats. You were a little sexy, but a little classy, too. You even filmed that movie with Kellan where you looked slightly “butch” in those sporty clothes. I figured that was a little wink and a nod to our fake lesbian relationship.
It was all going so well. But now, well, things aren’t going as well as they used to. I have this feeling, Ashley, that you might be—I hate to even say the words–UNFAITHFUL. Sure, you’ve always had your brief liaisons; there’s that Followill kid and of course Kellan, but you always managed to make those seem like passing fancies or very close friendships. But this is serious. Yes, I think you’ve been CHEATING on me. With, well…EVERYONE. I’ve been adding up the evidence, and it is fishy indeed, Ms. Greene–very fishy.
First there were the nudie cell phone pics. I know they must have been humiliating. But the first thing I wondered was “who were you taking those for?” I checked my phone–you definitely weren’t sexting them to me! I thought that maybe it was a faker–an AshGreene look-a-like porn star, perhaps, prepping for her role in New Poon, but I checked out the evidence (yes, uncensored, don’t judge me!) and indeed, all signs pointed to it really being you (as well as all signs pointing to a fresh waxing–holla!). I wondered why you took those pictures (and where your hips went to), but decided that maybe you were taking a picture of a suspicious mole for your dermatologist, or testing out a new camera phone right before getting into the shower. Could happen to anyone, right?
Follow the cut for the rest of Freya’s letter
Filed under: Alice, Ashley Greene, Fan Letters, Twilight, Twilight Fans | Tagged: Alice, Ashley Greene, boys, cute, fake lesbians, hot, Interview Magazine, Jared Followill, kellan lutz, KStew, men, New Moon, nide pictures, Nikki, nip slip, Rachelle, sexy, Sobe Water, Twilight, vintage | 101 Comments »