Your fans have broken down what some consider to be the hallmarks of your acting style. They include, the blink, the lip bite (sexy, I use this one too!), the lip lick, the exhale and the hair toss all in video form, curated here by me! Please tell your fans to not attack us but rather to enjoy the absurdity that someone made these…
The Lip Bite – So people say you bite your lip a lot. This is the go to move when you’re a bit nervous or need a second to contemplate your next move. Or maybe you just have really dry lips and need someone to call cut so you can grab your chapstick. Totes understandable. Word to the wise, stay hydrated.
The Lip Lick – Someone broke it down in Twilight and you lick your lips 28 times in the movie. I want to meet the person who sat there and counted with a piece of paper and a pen while watching
The Blinking – You use this one when you seem perplexed or exacerbated. The blink is utilized to show us just how just how innocent and wide eyed you are and just how unthinkable what the other actor is saying/doing, really is.
The Exhale – used to show your disbelief or speechlessness. When used properly the exhale can be a good indicator that not only are you alive but you’re really thinking about what they said.
The Hair Toss – Oh the hair toss, girlhood’s most ancient of tricks. It can be a dead giveaway that you are nervous or super attracted to someone. In acting it can show your annoyance or personal flair for unruly hair
Now all together…
And then my favorite to show some love…
Now Kristen we’ve had some fun here today so please remind everyone that this is all in good clean fun and to have a laugh!
*Before you get your pitchforks, tar and feathers and rope to string me up in the nearest town square, please see this as a healthy debate and read to the end with an open mind… aaaannddd GO!*
Get it
Dear Kristen Stewart Shippers,
I’m just gonna put it out there. After over a year of follower this saga and it’s fandom, the actors, even working on a project close to a Kristen movie, reading all the Tweets and posts about her, seeing her movies, watching her interviews, seeing her in person several times, I just gotta say it:
I DON’T GET IT.
I don’t get why people love Kristen so much. Sure, I totally agree she’s a pretty girl, she’s probably nice in person, she tries to be different, she has that “I don’t care” attitude,” WHATEVER. And maybe I’ve never fake lezzed out over a female celeb before but I seriously DON’T get it. I’m not a star and I dress better than her. I even wash my hair every other day. And I gotta say it, I smile quite often and don’t look like I’m in pain at work events. And because I’m looking to fill up our inbox and the comments section with death threats I thought I’d talk about it and get your opinion.
Don't drink the KStew-laid
So it seems lately that the Kristen shippers mixed up a huge batch of Kristen-is-awesome-Koolaid and passed it around to EVERYONE who seemed to gladly gulp that shiz down. I even gave them a chance and looked at links and pictures but just couldn’t see what was so tasty about the sweet nectar of that KStew-laid. Here are the main points that most KStew fans point out as their favorite things about Kristen and I break them down…
Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.
Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,
Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?
Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?
Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it
The beginning
Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s. I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.
Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....
And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)
New Moon
I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:
Click for awesomeness
So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“) Continue reading →
Dear Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Casting Directors, David Slade and whatever director ends up getting saddled with BD,
With all the news about the recent casting announcements and rumors swirling regarding who’s going to play who I’d like to formally toss my hat into the ring. Yes, I Moon Last Name Withheld would like to be in your movie(s). Besides the obvious: I don’t have an agent, a manager, a resume, a head shot or any serious acting skills beyond a couple school and church productions (oh and a very amazing video about wearing your seat belt shot for our 9th grade Safety Ed class), why not me? And why not UC while we’re at it? Remember when she begged to be Emily then Tanya? Come on!
You’ve recently cast Leah who wears a scarf over her boobs, some kid named BOO BOO for goodness sake and about every slut with a head shot around the world is starting a rumor that she will be Tanya. And now some chick from Germany who won a reality show contest is going to play Vera, Rosalie’s friend. So why not us? Here’s my pitch:
We can do slutty! Sorta.
We’re random unknowns with questionable skills, so we fit in with the folks you’ve already cast. We can wear scarved around our awesome racks and come up with an odd name for ourselves. How about Moon-Moon and UC baby? And I’m sure if given the chance we’d kick ass on a reality show, especially a reality show where the prize is a role in a Twi-movie. Our confessionals/Diary room footage would be worth it alone!
For the studio and production: A plus for the marketing side is that we even have a couple followers who might be interested if we actually made it into a twi film! We could rally our total rad troops to spread the word about how great Volturi gaurd #4 and Random Witness #23 are! And really, choosing us as your newest cast members would be a savings since we’re already pale, so there’s no need for make up to airbrush on us, and no need for wigs since we have luscious locks and a coupon to the costume supply shop if one of us gets attacked by a random girl with a mullet and a pair of scissors. Heck, you could pay us in kisses from Rob and gift cards to Pink Berry.
Our joint headshot
So won’t you find it in your heart and scripts to cast us as Hiker who gets killed and friend of Leah #2?
After all there are no small parts only small actors!
Themoonisdown
See what good times UC has cooking over at Letters to Rob
Post your acting resume and run lines at the forum!
Letters to Twilight 