The Twilight saga: Cast New Year’s Resolutions

Dear people ready to celebrate a new year,

Do you do the New Year’s resolution thing? I usually do. Last year I resolved to drink only 2 diet cokes per week. I did pretty well. Well, except for April-October when I had a relapse and was drinking at least one per day. But now I’m back to my commitment to lay off the DC, and I usually only drink it if it’s available in a soda fountain. I’m still pondering my resolutions for 2010, but you can bet your bottom dollar meeting Big Daddy Lautner is on top of the list.

I got a chance to *talk* with a bunch of the cast/characters from the Twilight saga and I asked them what everyone is dying to know: What are your 2010 New Year’s Resolutions?

Michael Welch– I’m going to lay off the chips and try to lose that thing where it looks like I stuffed marshmallows in my cheeks. “Team Marshmallow” is cool and all, but I’m going for more of a Rob Pattinson-type chiseled face look in 2010.

Justin Chon– I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the  ‘bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia

Buttcrack Santa– In 2010 I’m going to be looking for a girl a little bit older than my usual to share those little bottles with. Maybe someone 14 instead of 12. I’m also going to try to reinvent myself and show a little less crack. I like the ring of “”Armpit Hair Santa,” and I might try to bring the white-mesh wife beater back in style

Ashley Greene– Well, 2009 was successful with my naked picture scandal, so my 2010 resolution is to kick it up a notch with a sex tape leak. In part 2 of my resolution I hope that the scandal involves a B-list celebrity this time rather than some of the D & C-listers I’ve been known to f*ck

Kristen Stewart– This year I plan to have much better hair. I’d also like to prove all those critics who talk me up right by starring in a great movie that gets me a legitimate award nomination like that other Twilight actress…. what’s her name again?

Anna KendrickAnna Kendrick wasn’t available for comment as she’s busy being a real actress, but we caught up with her manager who told us:
In 2010 Anna plans to continue her reign as the only actor to come out of the Twilight saga worth her paycheck as an actress. She might possibly say “no” to filming Breaking Dawn and instead star in next year’s Oscar Best Picture winner. Rob Pattinson can sit behind her next year!

See the rest after the jump!

Catherine Hardwicke– I resolve to convince TGIFridays to rename the Ultimate Margarita the “Ultimate Cougarita” in honor of me. I’m pitching to them that we make the Ultimate Cougarita half off if you bring in a date who is at least 15-20 years younger than you are!

Must.Drink.Now (click to read details)

Taylor Lautner– With the recent demise of my never-really-was relationship Swiftner, I am back to the drawing board…Next year I plan to find new “safe” Disney-esque or country super star to take out on dates with her parents to steakhouse chains, and maybe I’ll even get a kiss on the lips. Fingers crossed that I can work up to copping a feel in 2011.

Jackson Rathbone– My only 2010 resolution is to stop straying from the Lord and accept Kellan’s invitation to his Wednesday night men’s Bible study. It’ll be hard, but I want to enjoy it even thought its just MEN. [UC Note: that’s what she said] I also might try to tackle actually WRITING a song as opposed to only improvising. I hear that’s rewarding….although, don’t worry, I still plan on writing songs about fish getting it on in your swimming pool as you watch them while sucking on a Popsicle.

Kellan Lutz– In 2010, as the Twilight cast’s token evangelical Christian, I plan to lead a group of young men into the mountains for one of those “Let’s go into the wildnerness alone with a bunch of dudes and commit to never jacking off again” conferences. I’d also like to pose for playgirl

the DILF in cranberryChris Weitz– I’m working up the nerve to try out my new cranberry pants in public in 2010.

Big Daddy Lautner– In 2010 I’ll be continuing my quest as the chairman on the 1 person “Restaurant Team” for the city council to shut down every in-n-out within 15 miles of the valley. I can’t reiterate enough how incomprehensible it is that they don’t have a fish option on their 4 item menu. What do the pescetarians eat?  I’m also started a new project and rolling out my clothing line “More to love” with the help of Taylor’s stylist. We specialize in the really big clothes- starting as small as XXXL. Our signature piece is that blue polo you always spot me in with our “More to love” logo!

Here’s to big Daddy hugs and even LESS diet coke in 2010,

What are YOUR resolutions? And I didn’t do all the cast- that fun part is for you. So what does everyone else resolve to do in 2010!?!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

110 Responses

  1. HAHAHAHAH… loved the Resolutions the Twilight cast has for the new year… Especially the one Chris Weitz has.,.. can’t wait to see that in real!!

  2. LOVE the resolutions!!! I’m trying to release my nude pics and sex tape as a combo deal…gack!
    I am truly truly sad that Swiftner is over…they were my hope and joy and Swifty would have actually approved me as a BFF cause she’s cool like that…Now he’s up for other Disney princesses to man-handle…K-Stew must be pleased…she never did like the cougars hovering about him,staring at his chest,touching his abs,grabbing his hair,hands hovering dangerously over his ass….ohhhhhhh….right Stew…that was YOU!!! YOU broke up Swiftner you evil evil…ok I cant. I like you too much for that…

    I’m just trying to find someone to blame while binging on ice cream and crying over “Ghost”…why Swiftner? why why WHY? But since it is safe to say that they are over I would like to put in my nomination for Illegalautner BFF-dom 2010…I will give every admirer a fair chance but i will also be ruthless in the selection process for his future “mate”, who must be cool with any benefits he and i may choose to share…
    like Guitar Hero and Karaoke…
    Morning everybody!
    The hamster is up for an epic bitch fest on twitter! what? we dont use it for that? oh right…sorry…LOL

    • So you are sad illegalwolflover?
      When I told my sister yesterday they broke up she was jumping up and down and being all happy and smiley… She thought they never fit….
      Even though she was the best example TayTay ain’t afraid of dating older chicks…

      • Yes I am…I find it hard to be happy when my BFF is sad. its also a testament to the fact that he likes leggy, squinty-eyed singers with curly hair…check, check, check and CHECK…and yes I can go blonde… 🙂

        • Yeah but what about Selena Gomes… she wasn’t blond… Which makes me guess he’s going for a completely different color this time around… Maybe red ??

        • Yes, what about Selena Gomez? And Ms. Sarah Hickes? Both brunettes.

          I believe GirlTay was an anomaly. An exception was made because they shared the same name.

          Magic 8 ball sees a dark-haired lovely in Taylor’s 2010 . . .

          • Another dark haired-lovely with a portugese surname perhaps? oooooh…I love ur magic 8 ball…so much more optimistic than mine. Unless you’re talking about Miley…naaah…u love me too much for that. *squishy*

          • Miley would never date anyone involved with the Twilight saga.

          • I disagree. I wouldn’t be surprised if, after yesterday’s Days of Their Lives/Swiftner episode, Ms. Cyrus (’cause she’s nasty? did I just type that out loud?) started hanging around yogurt shops wearing a Team Jacob tee. The only reason she denied the Twi was her uncontrollable envy of all things Swift.

        • Why would you go blonde when you’re gorgeous as you are? I’m assuming here that’s you – Illegal, as I like to call you – in the photo…

          He seems to like it when girls like to be friends first & then grow into something more( or am I mistaking him for his *fictional* counterpart). I’d head round with a box of tissues & a shoulder to cry on about now if I was you…

          • awwww beakerj ur such a sweetheart!!! *offers triple chocolate cookie*…The top of the head IS me…(i would say something about cropping and being covered in scales but people will yell so I will not)
            I totes have tissues and ice cream ready( How did you know?) *lean on me plays in the background*
            (Dont worry about the carbs BFF..I wont tell…)

            p.s. I LOVE being called Illegal…

    • Hey ILWL…How you doin’ girl?? You better be happy! Wolf boy is almost legal…are you planning a name change?? How bout..NLWL..(nowlegalwolflover) just an early morning not enough coffee idea….plus you should be happy that I felt “your presence” during the holiday whilst my future (maybenotnow) daughter in law insisted on wearing Team Werewolf shirt for most of the time she was here….so of course I wore my new Team Vampire/Edward tee….hope you are having a great holiday season…loves you…xoxox

      • HUGS! Miss you!

        • JODIEO….SO MISSING YOU TOO..How were your holidays??? Mine were typically crazy…but all in all pretty great…didn’t get my pocket Eddie…but did get Twilight game and Twilight “Scene It”…drop me an email and tell me how yours was…
          Puppy smooches!!

          • I dropped you an email a couple days ago about just that! Lemme know if you didn’t get it and I’ll send it again.

            Puppy smooches? Does that mean you are licking my face?

          • @JodieO…no licking of the face.. promise!! Just puppy smooches are the bestest! I didn’t get your email, but that seems to be happening alot with this computer..switching to the new one later this week.

      • Heya! I missed you…I’ve been doing a day shift at work so I havent been around as much…I’m not happy cause i’ve always liked Swiftner…does it mean I’m hoping he’ll call me out of the blue and tell me I complete im and other cliches? maaaaayyybeeee….lol
        Not changing me name and I’ wanna see pics of ur tree and ur hotness in the Edward tee… muah muah!

        • Agree – I remember you talking about making an LTT/LTR tree Midnight_Cyn! Send pics to Moon and UC so they can post them for us all to see!!

        • Totally been off the radar during the holidays..didn’t hear that the Taylors Split??? That makes me a sad puppy too..they were like two bright stars in the sky..but you know how long that lasts….besides…HE knows WHO he belongs with…..will try and figure out how to take pic of the tree and the tee…sorry NO hotness there tho…. 🙂
          Miss you lots…hoping to start to catch up..gonna switch to the new new computer later this week…YEAH!


      “epic bitch fest on twitter! what? we dont use it for that? ”

      Are you guys kicking me off the twits? This is all I use it for.

      I’m depressed. Imma have to go back to myspace land and hang out with the 12 year olds. I see how it is.

      • I did not get this memo. Now where the hell am I going to turn to express my deep thoughts/pervy tendencies/Jr. High cattiness in 140 characters or less?

      • Hm, so THAT is what Twitter is for? Guess that’s why I vowed to not go there, then – got enough in junior high… 🙂
        Plus I’m just kind of praying that Twitter and all technology (except LTT of course!) will go down with a massive virus so people like Rob and KStew can stay in one place and have coffee for more than 20 minutes before all hell breaks loose… 😦

    • Illegal, our boy needs to ditch the Disney Princess Parade. Srsly. He needs an image makeover, too. The roles he’s been taking, he’s still playing Sharkboy. If he wants longevity in Hollywood he needs to look more grown up.

      I suggest he play a stripper.

      In my house.


      • I am totally behind this idea . . . . with a video camera.

        Sharkboy. Wolfboy. Come February, we’re gonna need [Something] Man.

        *mutters* Milk Man? Meat Man? UPS Man? Love Slave Man?

      • Have I told you that it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when u call him “our boy”? Then those butterflies die in acid when I realise he just might play stripper in your house and you will overpower him with you errr…charm and i will never have my chance…sad panda…lol

        • S-pizz would never ever do that.

          But I agree, he needs a role makeover to go with his image makeover. Without doing what Leo did and disappearing for 5 years.

          Maybe something w/ no typecasting involved? And more nudity, but in a cinematic way… like a sex scene.

        • I TOLD you I’d send him to you when I’m done with him. xD

      • But give him some slack, he is still young and rising… Anyway, by the time he is legal he will begin to look like Big Daddy, and then he won’t get any roles as Sharkboy! 😉 Got to strike while the iron is hot, wot?!

    • Karaoke makes everything better 😉

      Also, you are STILL watching Ghost? How many times did you watch it?

      I’m voting for you for BFF-dom 2010 AND BEYOND!

    • If you want a reason for the end of Swiftner…Well inside sources say that the reason Swifty ended it when she did was because she wanted to be free to date someone else who had become available and was interested in, and for whom she had long harbored a crush. Since her mild interest in Lautner had faded once she got to see how young he was and how sheltered by his dad and publicity people, who wouldn’t let them date without supervision in LA, she began to lose interest since she had matured quite a lot in the last few months starting with the Kanye incident. So when she was approached by her dormant crush (who is very mature for his age..he’s the bassist for perhaps the biggest rock band in America and one of a trio of brothers (not the Jonas boys) who are very sought after by their female fans. These guys don’t play around in school-boy hand-holding romances so suffice it to say Swifty is getting a fast-track degree in mature full-fuctioning relationships. I wonder how she’s going to sing those innocent love and school girl songs when her tour resumes; perhaps she will be able to put her acting to good use.

  3. Haha! Hilarity!

    We must all bow down to the awesomeness of Anna Kendrick – will she be the Harrison Ford of this franchise??!

    • Great reference! And will KStew be the Mark Hamill?? All the promise in the world but never quite living up to the potential… So does that make Rob the Carrie Fisher?? God(dess) of the series, steady work for 30 years but never huge success? Hmm…

      • Before I get tons of thumbs down – I REALLY hope Rob doesn’t fall into plastic-surgeried Lifetime movie of the week obscurity. (LOVE Carrie! But let’s be honest…)

      • As long as Rob can pull off being a supporting in a movie as rad as When Harry Met Sally, I’ll be cool with it.

    • NICE refrence! the harrison ford of his franchise. LOVE IT!

  4. Great resolutions. I love em. What is Rob’s New years resolution. Stop eating hot pocket forts or building smoke castles in the sky. Go eagles.

  5. Sheesh. Poor Mike Welch, poor Big Daddy. I’m starting to feel like I should develop an eating disorder before ever attending an LTT/LTR meet up again.

    • I ought to thumbs down you for that! But I love you. And no, you shouldn’t!

      • I’m just not looking forward to the JodieOMyGodShe’sSoFat post the day the paps photograph me sneaking (dancing the dance of joy) out of Rob and/or Bobby’s hotel room.

    • @JodieO…so weird, stumbled onto Joan of Arcadia the other day on SyFY and realized that Mike Welch was a high school student in THAT series….he was really thin back then..but I was surprised that I didn’t remember him being on it and we watched that show all the time and it was before my accident…btw JUST HOW LONG can you pull off being a high school student unless your a handsome vampire????

      • @MidCyn – I loved Joan of Arcadia! I recognized him from that in Twilight…but only because I also had recently seen some reruns on cable when Twilight came out.

        • HI ANG!!! Just finished reading your email…the gang just left.. 😦
          Yeah stumbled onto Joan the other day while “recovering” and was shocked to see Mike on there…really weird that he hasn’t changed much..well at least in Twilight…NM not so much…Imma thinkin he was trying to pull a Taylor L. and “beef it up” and something went horribly wrong…lol…
          How is your day going??? Hope its good..we are getting ready for MAJOR snow storm….what a way to start the New Year.. I am so ready for summer!!! 🙂

          • No snow here….it’s just Forks-like. In RL, I would have to explain that Forks-like means cold and rainy. But here people know that!

    • Was that a quotation, or was that just coincidental? (Kept seeing Anna Kendrick biting down on a celery stick and looking suspicious when I heard “eating disorder”..) 🙂

  6. I like to set myself up for success and make resolutions I know I can keep. Soooo….I resolve to purchase New Moon on dvd on release day and proceed to watch it until it wears out!

  7. New Years Resolutions for RPatz: To finally admit his love for the Kstew, shock us all AND throw the paps a curve ball they will NEVER recover from! While filming BD “they” really get married on set…(why pay for the wedding when you can slip in a real minister and get it all paid for by Summit?) Just a thought….
    MY New Years Resolutions:
    I will meet up with my fav buds from LTT & Look out Moon/UC …Imma comin…twss
    I will quit smoking again…or at least switch to RPatz brand
    Edward and I WILL have our rendezvous…
    I figure out where I left the other half of my brain….
    One of the cast members will realize that we are related…(can’t tell you which one) NO NOT BC SANTA….
    To finally convince UC Post-Its are the BEST…
    That I remember to show up at sons wedding…..
    Meet SMeyer and thank her personally… then BEG for Midnight Sun to be completed…so I too may be complete!
    Ok need more coffee…Happy New Year everyone….

  8. In 2010, I wanna moisturize my face more often.

    Yes. I have high hopes.

    And I agree with JodieO, y’all are making me wanna eat lettuce leaves and drink Diet Coke for the entire year.

    This won’t happen but still…

  9. I don’t usually make resolutions, hmmm…In 2010, I will read something besides the Twilight saga books. I used to be well read until I slipped into this Twi-fog. 🙂

    • Twi Fog is the best place to be!!!

    • Ang, I just finished Mr Darcy, Vampyre, wherein the beloved Mr Darcy (from Pride & Prejudice) is a vampire, which is essentially what Edward is anyway, right? So I highly recommend this to slowly ween yourself back outa the Twi-fog!!

      • Ha, just reread that and it looks like I’m questioning that Edward is a vampire. DUH. What i’m trying to say is Edward is similar to Mr Darcy in a romantic hero kinda way.


        • Funny! Thanks for the clarification. I read that and thought “How is Edward only ‘essentially’ a vampire?” He’s totes like a Mr. Darcy. I was considering re-reading Wuthering Heights…but that may not be removed enough from the Twi-fog.

    • Agreed! I’m trying to read The Host now and even though it’s the same author I still can’t get into it because it’s not Twilight.

  10. True. I enjoy it quite a bit.

  11. Totes off topic…

    I heard on the radio this morning that Swiftner broke up?? Anyone else hear that? So sad if it’s true:(

  12. My New’s Years Resloution is to do a ‘Rentual’ – that is lose 30 years, I mean pounds, in order to find my abs…

  13. LMAO!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! Oh, dear Lord.

    Mkay…my absolute favs are Ashley’s and Kellan’s. I LOL’d at both, especially Kellan’s (cuz, you know.)

    Plus, on a side note…should I be concerned that I found/saw Robward’s face in my peanut butter this morning? Normal?

  14. Dear UC & Moon,

    after many failed years of trying to live up to my

    resolutions, this year I am going to try something different.

    This year instead of making resolutions, I’m going to


    What, you may ask, is a Robsolution? Well my dear

    friends, in stead of trying to, say, stop speeding or do yoga

    at least once a week, a Robsolution would be something

    like, make sure to look at some scruffporn at least once a

    day, or next time you are in the same room as him (as I

    have been, a few times) grow a pair and introduce yourself!

    With Robsolutions like this, my chances of actually

    establishing some kind of rapport with him, and having him

    remember who I am, without cringing and calling over

    Steve, his big ol’ security dude, are much better. And we all

    know that once you are in good with Steve, the next stop is

    sharing plaid.

    So this New Years Eve, I wont be toasting to a better,

    healthier year, I’ll be tosting to a more Rob-filled year,

    hopefully with me by his side!



  15. Loved this post! Comic genius, ladies. Personally I think Kellan is going to start his own line of talking “vegetarian” vampire Jesus dolls. They’ll say things like “Love thy Neighbor, then suck the blood of their pets.”

  16. I loved them all! Especially this:
    “I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the ’bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia ”
    They’re so cute together.

  17. When I got to the Cougarita, I sang “La Coug-a-racha!” so loud that my boyfriend ran downstairs to see what was wrong. Guess he’s still adjusting to us living in the same state [and house] again. Funniest.Stuff.Ever. (my resolution is to stop cussing so much–it makes me look ignorant, and I feel bad after accidentally dropping the f-bomb in front of little kids).

    I’m happy to help CDubs get his bold hype back on with those cranberry pantalones. Qué sexy, papa que quiero follar! (PQQF, not quite the same ring as DILF)

    I’d also like to let all the closet Charlie Bewley fans know, that on his twitter account, he mentioned that his new year’s resolution is to kiss each one of his angels (see: Charlie’s Angels is what the official bew-hards call themselves. Quite clever, I agree). So, if you wanna get a kiss from Bewley sometime next year, you should investigate becoming an angel. I think it’s some sort of official membership…I, quite apparently, am not one. Though I may or may not lie to him about that if I ever meet him in south London. Not that I’m going there any time soon and not that he even lives there. Anyway…

    Tuesday: The other Charlie.

  18. Post = Hilar!

    my resolutions are to be a healthy me again
    whatever it takes, imma do it

    and to become a Mommy :]
    wish us luck!!

  19. I never make resolutions, because I feel that when you’ve resolved to do something at any point, you will just do it. However, I have make resolutions as of late that just happened to coincide with that time of year.

    – Book the role of Kate in Breaking Dawn (this involves many other resolutions like: not biting my nails, toning up hard core, landing a column in a weekly, writing and performing a screenplay, submitting said screenplay to festival circuit, finding an agent)
    – Stop cussing
    – Get a job/create a job for myself

    I finished my website though! Met a 2009er goal. Thank goodness.

    • @ TS – (i just wrote you a nice comment here and it disappeared!) (i’ll try again)

      what’s your website addy again? http://www.goteamseth .com, .org, .net? if you don’t wanna put it here will you e-mail it to me? Thanks! [and it’s nice “to see” from you!]

      oh, and the “stop cussing” res is one i support 100%. Do you need a “sponsor”? A backer? You’ll hafta start introducing euphemisims into your vocab… like: fudge, sugar (as in sugar-honey-ice-tea) or for jorts sake (joking!)… but seriously though, cursing is very “common” and it really can make a person look… umm… ignorant, among other things. I’m trying not to say “pissed off” and “suck” (not they are really curse words, thery’re just ugly to say)… i go through spells where it doesn’t just fly out of my mouth but it’s hard not to slip up when life s*cks and people around you are morons!!! ha-ha-ha… t.t.f.n.

  20. The idea of Jackson and Kellen at prayer group is hilarious. Of course, after that pic from the post the other day of Jackson promising to be naughty , I’m kinda hoping I’m there when he falls off the purity wagon…

  21. Something completely of subject and random-

    I was day-dreaming yesterday about twilight and breaking dawn, and it occured to me…

    “Any cold (stutter) wet… (blink and look confused)… thing.. (breathe heavily).. I dont really…”

    Anyone remember that line? Of course you do.

    Well, in BD, the fade to black scene on the honeymoon on Isle Esme…

    Edwards cold, right? naturally… and he’s wet, from all the skinny dipping.

    Put 2 and 2 together? Bella doesn’t like COLD WET THINGS. What?

    • That an interesting observation. Although, I have to imagine that even with Edward’s level of vampiric frigidity against her skin, Bella would be so literally hot and bothered at that moment that she either wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t mind.

    • Do they not dry off after the dip in the ocean?

      • I dont think so. I reckon they sorta would have just rolled to the house or something.

        hee hee, then they woulda got all sandy.

  22. My new years resolution will be to get accepted into Stanford & to get my dad to stop smoking.
    so keep your fingers cross 🙂

  23. hey the movie is awesome

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