A special Twilight birthday wish, for a special Twilight Girl

Dear Moon,

Happy Birthday! If you remember your birthday at all last year (If I recall you went on a pub crawl, so you may not) we celebrated your birthday on LTT with birthday greetings from the Cullens.

Well, they’re too busy this year impressing men with their ability to fight as opposed to letting us women peek in our their most intimate moments together, which is why we liked their story in the first place (no I didn’t just watch the Oprah Eclipse trailer for the first time & noooo I don’t think they’re pushing hard to capture a male audience. Why would you think that!?) so I thought I’d check in with some our favorite Twilight actors & LTT-characters for birthday wishes for you. Well, let me be clear- I have no interaction with these people… but if I did, I’m SURE this is what they’d say:

Jackson:

Moon for your birthday I promise to shower & look like my picture to the left for at least 24 hours. PLUS, I’ll even put down the guitar and come over and watch all my episodes from The OC with you. Then I’ll act out the baseball scene from Twilight. And show you what else I can do with my bat.

Rob:

I know that every time I’m photographed out and about some where in LA you lament, “UH why was he THERE? He needs ME to show him where to hang out in LA.” Well, for your birthday I’ll let you be my LA travel guide. We can start with brunch at the little cafe down the hill from your house where UC loves to get coffee (you know- the one across from the pot smoker’s coffee shop- if we wanna stop in there later, I know a girl who can score us some weed), and then we’ll hit the thrift shops that the paparazzi don’t know about, followed up by a trip to Amoeba Music to check out their record collection (Slightly obvious, but I figured you would’t HATE it if we happened to get photographed together). Then you can show me some of LA’s best, unknown beaches and after laying out in the sun Tyler & Ally style we’ll go back to your place for a little dance party- since I know you love those- but it’ll just be you and me. How does that sound? And I’d like to see your record collection so if you wanna lead me up to your bedroom and show me where you keep the music… well, then.. I wouldn’t mind lounging on your bed while you educate me with your fine music skills….and if you want to lounge on your bed also… I won’t mind. I’ll even pretend not to notice the Edward Cullen pillowcase starting up at me from the head of the bed… After the records are over I hope you don’t mind if I pick up the guitar in the corner by your closet. I wrote a little something with you in mind… I might mumble it while lounging on your bed, if that’s okay with you. It’s okay if you get emotional. It’s okay if you stare intently at me- I’ll be staring back. If you need me to hold you I’ll do that too, but I promise you… I have bigger plans in mind….I always treat my travel guides with the utmost care & respect. And after all, we both deserve a “happy ending” [Uh, is it getting hot in here? And did I just say that about a Moon/Rob fantasy?)

After the jump, find out if Moon gets her birthday wish- a Fake Lesbian story starring her, Nikki & Kristen! Continue reading

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What ever happened to…

Dear LTTers,

We’ve been with you for awhile now and over the past year and 4 months we’ve talked about a lot. A lot of themes and characters have come and gone. Some people who were SO vital to our – err- organization are like distant memories. Today we begin a new series where we dig into the past and find out whatever happened to… whoever we’ve sadly stopped talking about. First on today’s list…..

Buttcrack Santa

After his wild success playing the role of “Buttcrack Santa” in Twilight in 2008, Ned Bellamy went on to star as a secondary, mostly-forgotten character in a few episodes of 2 different, barely watched television shows and as the highly popular character named “Cabinet Member” in the television series 24. No- I got that wrong. He was the “character name “Cabinet Member” in the highly popular television series 24. He has not yet worked in 2010.

In his spare time he either writes or reads one-shot fan fic about himself:

Just in time for Christmas! This is what I think happened during the “butt-crack Santa incident”. Written in Waylon’s POV One-shot.

Seeing Bella all grown up reminded me of the last time I saw her. It was Christmas. Charlie brought four-year-old Bella to a Christmas party. I decided to suprise the kids and dress up like Santa Clause. Well, the suit was a little big, so I stuffed it with a few pillows.

At about seven o’clock, I came out to give out the presents. All the kids lit up, especially Bella. I gave out all the presents from under the tree. There was one last present left, but the bow was stuck on a branch. I bent down to get it unstuck and I heard some giggling. I thought it was just from getting the present caught on the tree, but Bella blurted out, “Ew! Butt crack!” Everyone laughed. I pulled the sagging Santa pants up and finally got the present unstuck and gave it to it’s owner. The rest of the party went fine, but I didn’t get up from the couch the rest of the night. When Charlie was about to leave to take Bella home, he patted me on the back and said, “Good job, butt-crack Santa.” Bella giggled and they went home.

A.N.: Now, wasn’t that a good holiday Pick-me-up? Now click that little green button below and give me a nice, tasty review!

P.S. Beware of ill-fitting Santa suits!

(Go review that fic & make that writer’s- aka Ned Bellamy’s- day)

The 100 Monkeys

Once known for their ability to write a hit song about an every day object found in the puffy-painted canvas tote of a fan club member, the 100 Monkeys have seemed quiet as of late. Or has it just been our incredible lack of care for Jackson Rathbone as compared to the other cast members like we were accused of in a recent fan letter:

Hooray- a way for you to make up for your inexcusable neglect of Jackson Rathbone- have you been covering the 100 City tour?  did you have pictures of the black eye? did you write about the Hard Rock Las Vegas brouhaha? have you shown us awesome Last Airbender trailers?  noooo it’s all about Kellen in underwear ads and Taylor’s father for some unfathomable reason.
Anyway here’s your chance to make it all up.  Jackson and the 100 Monkeys will be in Philadelphia April 8th at the North Star and it would be lovely if you would attend and tell us about it.
Coco
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Unfortunately I was busy on April 8th ogling pictures of Kellan Lutz in his undewear and photoshopping Big Daddy Lautner getting stuck in the drive thru window of a McDonalds and couldn’t make the show. However, maybe in a few years I’ll think about attending one again after my ears heal from the last time I saw the band in Philadelphia.
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However, in keeping with the theme of “Whatever happened to” and in no way writing this to appease Coco (even though I love nothing more than to bend over backwards for someone’s bitchy request), I did some research on the band. The Monkeys now have a pretty cool-looking website and seem to still run around town with Marty the Bananager. They are reconsidering his role in the band as the banana suit smells so bad that it’s actually keeping the girls away. This spring the band is on a 100 city tour and Jackson latest “look” is turning me- normally a lover of hippie, dirty rock boys- into a lesbian. Their music is just as bad- if not worse- than when I first saw them a year ago. Believe me, I just spent the last 5 minutes listening to clips of their songs on the “100 Monkeys Jukebox” praying for something I could tolerate. I came up empty handed.
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On the new website, there is a “Chatter” section where their fans can discuss the latest color of puffy paint to use on their canvas Monkey bag & share with each other (and hope that the band will take a peek too) the most recent art inspired by the band. For example:

This beautiful masterpiece

Or this- the best Jackson has looked in 2 whole years:

(I actually like this- shhh don't tell)

And I’m so happy to have finally found Moon’s birthday present:
Find out MORE after the jump! Continue reading

Breaking it down: Eclipse Sneak peek, threesomes, S&M workouts and Chippendales

Dear Eclipse Sneak Peek,

You’re just TOO good, too full of lol’s and wtf’s for us to let you pass by without breaking it down. All 5+ minutes. Yup, we’re breaking down the Eclipse sneak peek and away we go…

Moon: ok  here it is!

UC: let’s mother effing DO THIS
Moon: Wait, DUDE the little chocolatiers promo AGAIN!i love it.ok, I’m ready
UC: DAMN RILEY IS HOT
Moon: dude im so glad they got someone on etsy to make the clacker thingy that marks in the time for a scene
UC: aww david slade- so small, gay… short..
Moon: ps same cinematopgrapher as NM just saw that. so there will be SOME sort of continuity


UC: KELLAN HAS MAN BOOBS, I stopped it ON HIS BIG ASS BOOBS that are bigger than mine
Moon: THERES SO MUCH What, where are the boobs!?
UC: Haha he stands up like 29/30 major boobage
Moon: why is kellan wearing an off the shoulder top?
UC: I HAVE THAT SHIRT
Moon: like he took his sweatshirt and cut off the neckband
UC: he was at an 80s party earlier that day
Moon: he should be jazzercising or getting “physical” with Olivia Newton John and not kicking nomad vampire ass
UC: he needs a bra
Moon: you think he does that exercise from Judy Blume novels? “i must i must i must increase my bust” at night since like vampires dont sleep and he has nothing else to do
UC: yes, and it works but not for me. He has a perfect woman. with a big bust herself and he’s jealous she’s not always there… for him to caress the chest so … he grew his own
Moon: hahaha he can feel himself up
c

wait, Victoria's after BELLA?!

Moon: i just want to hear xaviers voice again. he better have a big part in the press for this
UC: um i think he will. look at his face it’s hot
UC: okay… this is seriously beating a dead horse…poor horse…but can we once and for all get it out of our system and LAMENT over Kristen’s awful wig?
Moon: HAHAHA and bryce’s while we’re at it. I feel bad she had to do an interview wearing it
Moon: at 38 she and david slade are having the most intense staring contest. i bet she won
UC: i THINK that Taylor just found out WHY victoria is upset he’s like…. “Bella is the reason that victoria is mad. SHe basically KILLED james” he had like a lightbulb go off in this interview..
Moon: he’s like DUDE thats why??!! and he turns around to ask kristen off camera and shes like DUH, haven’t you read this crap yet? So they cut to her and Kristen’s has to explain it
UC: nope- he’s too busy with his ka-rah-tay to have actually read the books
c
Follow the cut for threesomes, Rob running on the hampster wheel and the REAL story behind Eclipse
Continue reading

Open Weekend Post – Hosted by Disapproving GIFs

Dear Weekenders-

Remember when we asked if you’d die of loneliness on the weekends if we didn’t post on Saturday and Sunday? Well we heard your answers and we’re going to give it a whirl for a while till things heat up with Eclipse again and then we’ll be back full time on the weekends.

First it’s business time…

  • Since we won’t be posting regularly (on the weekends until Eclipse returns!) we’ve come up with what we’re going to call “Open Posts” inspired by our lover Micheal K from Dlisted. Essentially we will post something for the whole weekend. It will be the place you can comment, chat, discuss, email us letters or ideas, whatever, in lieu of our normal posts. With that in mind some comments may end up in moderation as they sometimes do but we’ll get them out asap, it just might not be as quick as we do during the weekdays. We also encourage you to run over to the forum where they continue to have lively topics and discussions throughout the weekend.
  • Also a BIG reminder (as if you could forget) Rob’s new film Remember Me is now in theaters, if you haven’t gotten your tickets yet DO THAT and if you’re so inclined and want to see Rob in a shower multiple times this weekend, you can participate in Remember Me Saturday!

So without further adieu… let’s get on with the show…

This weekends Open Post is Hosted by: Disapproving GIFS!

Ever needed to show your disapproval with a quick look? Been so annoyed you needed to show how NOT INTO IT you are? Well Jackson and Rob have it down pat… just follow their lead… and drop these GIFs the next time someone’s harshing your buzz.


Jacky doesn’t want to have to cuttabitch. So DROP IT!


There’s never been a headshake with so much behind it. So much win, so much disapproval, so much funny. And Rob brings it.

Do you feeeeel their disapproval?

Now it’s YOUR TURN! Have fun in the comments and we will see you in the theaters this weekend for Remember Me and back here on Monday morning!

*shakes head* BOTHERED!
Themoonisdown

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Pictures that made my week!

Dear LTT-ers,

I was catching up on the (lack of) Twilight news and ran across a bunch of pictures that made me laugh. A lot. And of course send them to UC so she could laugh too. So I thought you would enjoy them too while you’re preparing for Taytay and KStew on the Oscars this evening! Please feel free to use this post for commenting on the Oscars as well at the forum topic for today!


This is exactly what Big Daddy looked like 20 years ago. I can finally see it!!


WHAAAA HUH??!!


Twimoms everywhere just orgasmed


You’re right ladies, it IS a Chico’s kind of day!


See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no 100 Monkeys

Oh weekends… dontcha love these pictures? Any other funny ones come out that we should be aware of? Post em in the comments and stay tuned to our Twitter for updates on the Oscars!

Love,
Moon

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Remember what Jackson Rathbone used to look like?

About a year ago, Jackson Rathbone looked REAL hot up there in The Couv.  A year later….. wellllllll, Too_Far_Gone and TxLiLi have some different thoughts on what they’re thinking now, a year later. We think you’ll relate to one of them…. we do:

Jackson,

In the approximately 416 days I have been reading LTT (yeah, I counted, I’m that girl, and it’s an APPROXIMATION thankyouverymuch)… I have never once thought about writing you a letter. But I came across some old pictures of you on Lainey, and let me tell you… I was suddenly ready to clip a Team Jacksper button to my Suspenders o’Flair.

Jeebus.

I’m sorry, what we were saying? I blacked out for a minute.

Oh yes… HOT DAMN. The jeans, the cowboy boots… Hey, I have cowboy boots too, maybe we should meet up and knock them together hang out sometime. The blazer! It’s a great look for you. And look at that swagger! You are sex on legs!

If these were the only pictures of you that I ever saw, I would have canceled my membership to the RPattz-Is-A-God-Among-Men Society in favor of a lifetime membership with Jackson-Please-Be-My-Babydaddy Association. *IF* these were the only pictures I ever saw. Unfortunately, I have seen you in the past year… and every time you’ve looked like this:

NOOOOO *sobs*

Jackson, why would you do this to me? What are you even THINKING? I’m speaking as your friend, because there is no chance I’ll be banging you while you resemble Mr. Smee from Captain Hook. I have fantasies, but none of them involve Wendy being ravaged by an overweight pirate. Seriously, even Rob looks like he showers more often than you do. People keep saying that you’re The Sex in person, but I’ve seen you TWICE this past year at 100 Monkeys shows, and I never once felt an inclination to launch myself across at you to lick your jaw from chin to ear say hello!

Jackson's fashion muse?

Please, what will it take to get back to your March 11, 2009 old self? Do I need to stage an intervention? Should I strip you of your clothes and hold you down under hot shower spray? Should I make sure to scrub every inch of your —- what?! I’m just trying to be helpful…

Jackson, I’m just saying, I know you have the potential to be the subject of my fantasies be a functioning member of society again. Can’t you help a girl out?

President of the Jackson-Please-Take-A-Shower-Then-Call-Me Coalition,

Too_Far_Gone

Lili gets real honest after the jump! Continue reading

Twilight New Dump… a lot of football and a dry hump picture

Dear LTT-ers,

There’s lots of crap happening in the Twidom that probably should be mentioned but we don’t have time to write entire letters about… so it’s time for another news dump…

  • Should we start taking bets now on how long it takes before Ashley asks Tom Felton to show her his “vanishing cabinet?”

Why am I playing this American sport called football? Cause I'm CHUCK BASS!

And then later…


Kellan talks about the support Calvin Kleins give him as well as the fact they “hold him together.” This should make me feel weird, right?

Follow the cut for some more news like dry humps in the meadow
Continue reading