Imma enter a Twilight contest

Dear country music lovers, Twilight fans, lovers of contests & closet rappers,

Who can forget the night of September 13, 2009 when we all crowded around our TVs in fear of what Rob would show up wearing, wondering if Ash would have a nip slip on the red carpet, pondering if Kristen’s hair could possible look any worse than at ComicCon and hoping that Taylor wouldn’t charm us so much that we really consider moving to Georgia? And then, our hearts skipped a couple beats as said underage boy in a man’s suit stepped on stage and this happened:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Congrats Kanye, you’ve again proved to be a douche.

But like everything in pop-culture, Kanye’s a-hole move quickly became a meme and provided us with countless LOLs as “KanyeGate” took over the radio, TV, news reports and interwebs.  It all came to a head when I discovered the Kanye Gate tumblr account, which, of course, had Twilight/Kanye mashups!

Seriously? Photoshopping a little Kanye image with Twilight-related stuff? That looks like SO much fun & RIGHT up my alley. So I gave it a shot (after the jump)

New Level of dedication: Twilight Flow Chart

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday, UC and I were having a discussion about the Wolfpack ladies. UC kept confusing Tinsel Korey with Julia Jones and I was kept confusing Julia Jones with January Jones who she most certainly isn’t and it became clear: We needed a flow cart to remember all these new folks and how they’re all connected in the Twilight world. So I set out to create a master flow chart and as the day wore on (and on) and I remembered more and more connections and it become more of a circle flow chart, cause just like Rafiki tells us: it’s the circle of life and it moves us all.

And what came out looks a lot like a grade school project… next up book reports and a diorama of Bella’s room in a shoe box.

Yea, this is what you do with your spare time when you’re a Twilight blogger.

Twilight Dork of the Day Award Recipient/Life Time Achievement Nominee,
Themoonisdown

Enjoy this cause it took for darn near ever. Oh and click on it to open in a new window, cause it’s HUGE!

Clicky to enlarge and be amazed at my time wasting!

Um yea! If I missed anything TOO BAD! hahaha

Go enjoy a letter to Rob that rules!
Talk about this level or nerdiness in the forum!

Take the cut to see a special treat

Monday Twilight Secrets

Dear Secret Keepers,

Sometimes we laugh on Mondays, sometimes we get twilosophical and other times we share secrets. If you’re new, check out the first time we shared Twilight Secrets.

I’ve been thinking a lot about MY Twilight Secrets lately (I didn’t submit any last time or this week) and I know I do share them quite often in the form of a letter, but here’s one that I’ll openly share: I’m re-reading Twilight for the 4th time right now and I’m bored. And disappointed. And I don’t know why….

Here are some of the secrets we collected from you all in the past few weeks:

It turns out we’re not the first ones to think of this “Twilight Secrets” idea- there is a group on facebook. It looks to be filled with lots of young Twilight fans and there’s a lot of ‘junk’ mixed in with the secrets, but here are a few good ones:

More LTT Twilight secrets after the jump

Wolfpack Appreciation – Jorts Club!

Dear Wolfpack,

Looks like Sunday might be our unofficial Appreciation Day here at LTT! Since last week I have been thinking about who we should feature next and it struck me that we don’t talk about you guys enough! I mean sure, we talk about Taylor but he’s in the trinity, that doesn’t count! And mostly this is just an excuse for us to post gratuitous amounts of shirtless pictures of healthy looking boys with all their OWN hair and feature one of your lovely ladies! And also, the Wolf just happened to be my high school mascot, so I hold a special place in my heart for Los Lobos and take any chance I can to yell crap like “Wolfpack Pride!” and hold up the wolf hand signal which also just happens to be the Sundevil sign. So if you see me doing this while watching New Moon, you’ll know why.  Ok, enough Arizona nerdery.

So here we go again with another Appreciation Day, Wolfpack style. All the stuff I appreciate…

Either a diabetic or wears a kickin' dad phone on his belt

BooBoo- Freakin cutie Seth Clearwater. You’re the newest addition to this gang of good hoodlums and if I’m honest the first pics I saw of you with the long hair, I was super underwhelmed but as with all other casting choices I should just learn to trust those casting folks because after that haircut you transformed into Seth! You’re not exactly what I pictured when I read Seth’s character in the book originally but just like Taylor before you, you ARE Seth now. And this is all based on a couple pictures! I can’t wait to see you actually on screen!

Weapon of mass hottness!

Alex – Model with a message. Always looks like a model even while wearing my favorite Native American tshirt and proving that wolves don’t need protection from the elements like rain in Vancouver.

Follow the cut to appreciate the rest of the pack!

David Slade turns 40 and STILL can’t believe he’s directing a teenage love story

Dear David Slade,

Happy 40th birthday!  Do you feel any different today? Any taller? What a great way to be celebrating your 40th birthday- directing a movie you said you’d rather be shot at gun point than SEE, let alone direct.

One day I'll be "this tall"

We hope that you have the bestest of 40th birthdays. We hope Cathy the Cougar leaves you alone today and stops calling to tell you she just wants to “pinch your widdle cheeks & give you a widdle hug.” We hope Jackson & the 100 monkeys write an impromptu song just for you about birthdays, vampires & a little angry British man. We hope you’re showered today with LOTS of twilight-themed gifts as the cast & crew poke fun of how you once said you hated Twilight and now how you’re getting paid by directing it. We hope Tom Cruise calls you with his secret tips on looking taller, and we really really hope there’s a leg hitch in Eclipse (or else).

I have to be honest. Moon & I completely forgot your birthday. It’s to be expected since I never think about you and up until this week was still calling you “David Spade.” But thankfully we have readers who keep “David Slade” calenders and stuff and remind us of such important dates. That blessed reader, today, was TeamSeth (who would like to add this: “I wanted to clear up that while I go by TeamSeth, I’m not a pedophile and do not find BooBoo attractive. I mean he’s cute for like my ten year old brother (what is he 14? 15?), but um, he’s also you know, a decade younger than me.  Does he not scream Jonas Brothers and Bop Magazine?  Yick.”)

Since we don’t talk about you much, I wanted to share some tidbits about you for our readers.
Fun Facts about David Spade:

• Suffers from hypoglycemia.
• Has been commercial spokesman for Sierra Mist soda and Capital One credit cards.
• He was so smart in 3rd grade he got moved up to the 4th grade for some of his classes.
• Was one of the guests at Lindsay Lohan’s 19th birthday party. (don’t tell Cathy the Cougar)

Since I’m an idiot, TeamSeth did some light google research for us about David Slade to help celebrate your birthday:
Fun Facts about David Slade:

• David is known for his non-stop camera movement and shooting in dim lit settings.
• He has a dachshund named Django (that is almost as big as he is)
• 95%* of the David Slade pictures on Google’s Image Search are him giving off the “two-fingered salute”, the British version of the infamous middle finger.
• He, on Sept 21, 2009, tweeted this enlightening quote on filmmaking, “When the vampires sparkle we need to use a special camera filter to expose it on film. Otherwise the film over exposes.”

Yeah… there’s not much. Remind me to write your biography. It’s sure to be a bestseller and I could use an extra 30-40 bucks.

Learn much more about David Slade on his birthday thanks to TeamSeth’s brilliant comments after the jump!

All the Twilight news that’s fit to print – Unicorns and lots of BooBoo’s

Xavier: I thought I was supposed to be deaf? Ash: Trust me, that excuse only works once!

Dear LTT-ers,

There comes a time every few weeks or so that we have to do a news dump because there’s simply too much news and not enough letters in the day. So here’s all the news we think you should know about but couldn’t cover.

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!
Themoonisdown

• Our BFF Ashley Greene gets a Twitter and proceeds to lull us to sleep with tweets of her sleeping habits and stories of buying dog food. There’s something to be said about keeping the mystery, isn’t there? Love you BFF!

• Dude, Xavier did you forget what I told you to say if Jackson invited you to a 100 Monkeys show!? Did he not think you were deaf or sick with food poisoning? In other news, HIGH FIVE for going with Ashley, maybe you’ll be the lucky SOB to finally figure out she’s a hot piece, while the rest of that numbnuts cast wonders why they don’t have a girlfriend, or why theirs smells of grease.

• Both Melissa Rosenberg and Justin Chon dish that Eclipse will be a much “darker” film. No really? This is the book in that saga that contains the story of Jasper’s shady past, killing innumerable people, the turning and training of a newborn vampire army, the rape of Rosalie at the hands of her fiance, and fight training all culminating in arguably the saga’s most satisfying moment of conflict: the battle. So “dark,” you say? NO DUH!

Jacob hungry! Me want filet-o-fish!

• New Moon Action figures go on sale at Hot Topic. Is it just us or does Jacob look a little “special” in the face?

• Little Jacky is photographed with a boo-boo (not the kid playing Seth) Tuesday. No one knows whether it was his hand, his head or that terrible wig that was injured. I’m hoping he broke his hand after punching out the wig department after he saw his reflection in the mirror. Jackson Rathbone-r: kicking ass and NOT taking names!

• Little BooBoo Stewart gets his first tattoo! Awww, they grow up so fast, don’t they? How friggin cute is this kid?!

Follow the cut for more news, shirtless Kellan and Jackson the Unicorn!

Jackson got hurt. Did he try the leg hitch?

Dear Jackson,

Rumor has it that this week on the Eclipse set, you fell down and went ‘boom.‘ You poor baby! What happened? Tell me, it didn’t happen to involve a ‘leg hitch’ between Edward & Bella did it? I have no idea why you’d be on set for that scene, but I’m just double checking. Uh, if not, you don’t happen to know if there IS a leg hitch scene do you? Could you ask David Slade? Yes. Now. Get off the couch, stop icing whatever body part is ailing you (or remove the female currently helping you to “feel better”) and go check for me. And relay this message: “Dear David Slade, if there’s not a leg hitch you’re gonna wish you never took this job as director (well, you’ll wish it again). Trust me- you’d rather be shot by Charlie’s bb gun, attacked by wolves while a vampire sucks your neck and Cathy the Cougar offers to pleasure you orally then experience my wrath if Eclipse doesn’t include a leg hitch.”

To help you feel better, Jackson, I’ve provided, with the help of the gals at Rob’s flat in The Forum, Zephyersky & JodieO (okay they did ALL the work),  a little “Jackson porn” as well as some caption action. Okay, most of that is for us- we’ve been so worried about you- but I’ve included a little somethin’ somethin’ I think you’ll enjoy.

Feel better,
UnintendedChoice

Celebrating Jashley!

I’m starting to feel better! Are you? More after the jump!

Breaking down the REST of the LA Times pics – Nude Moon

Dear LA Times-

You might have heard (yes, you read us cause we’re serious journalists like you) that we broke down the pictures from your Hollywood Backlot series of New Moon pictures on Letters to Rob yesterday. And since they were so good we didn’t make it through all of them, so we’re back today to finish what we started cause we have mad follow through. Sometimes. And because well we like being discussing anything Twilight and seeing how random it can get.

Enjoy…

Themoonisdown and UnintendedChoice

Miss the first half of the break down yesterday? Catch up here!

*Warning some of this isn’t for the faint of heart… or prudish*

Dear Cathy, lose my number. Thx, Chris

Am I really the Director?

Moon: so this might be my favorite pic. He looks like his has old man bushy brows and hes SOOO playing with the ifart app on his iphone
UC: what do you FEEL when you see it?
Moon: i feel like i want to hug this picture, i hope he doesnt let me down in November! NO pressure chris (since you’re obvs reading this)
UC: I think that’s what he’s thinking “what the F did i get myself into?’ NO one warned me about the fasting & the praying
Moon: or the virgin sacrifices!

C
C
Animal Sacrifices

How do I put this thing on?

UC: JAKE?
Moon: OMG this one is my favorite. Such a WTF kind of picture. Just makes you wonder what poor PA (production assistant) has to put that thing on and get on all fours while they line up shots
UC: that dude needs a raise
Moon: maybe animal sacrifices are part of the fasting and praying they’re been doing and this is the evidence to show her holiness (stephenie)
UC: clearly. sick to the nast
Moon: wolves, virgins and PA’s died in the making of this film
UC: and so did a lot of cod. they were method acting and had a lot of fish fry
Moon: god its so creepy… it’s eyes are following me

Follow the cut to read the rest

The New Moon Soundtrack, preview and speculation

Dear LTT-ers and music nerds alike,

Yesteryday’s the day I had been waiting for with baited breath… the Soundtrack track listing for New Moon was released. Would Alexandra Patsavas, Chris Weitz and team knock New Moon’s soundtrack out of the park this time? Would they avoid the pitfalls of the Twilight soundtrack? Mainly the inclusion of shiz like Collective Soul and Perry Ferrell? Well we still have a little bit longer to find out since the soundtrack itself isn’t released till October 20th and the ultimate test: the movie isn’t released till November 20th, but for now we have a track listing that looks SOLID. And like any good music nerd, I’m here to break it down for you, introduce some of these artists and also learn a bit about the ones I’m not familiar with.

Hold on tight you little creep!

As explained on Stephenie Meyer’s website as well as the super awesome New Moon Soundtrack site “…all of the music is original, and exclusive to the soundtrack.” Though I have to point out that Muse song was released on their latest album The Resistance, but according to them they were asked by Chris Weitz to cut a different version of the song. All that to say not only is it exciting that we’ll be hearing all (almost) new music but how telling is it that this saga can get TOP artists like Thom freaking York to cut all new music for it?! That’s called pull and this saga’s got it.

Anyway, on to the track listing…

01. DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE — MEET ME ON THE EQUINOX

I really love the line “Oh darling understand, that everything ends…” which works so well with the themes of New Moon. Bella learns that nothing is forever and that as much as she thought she’d be with Edward forever, it wasn’t meant to be. Little does she know! I can almost seeing this being a song from Jacob’s perspective, not only did we learn Chris Walla is SO Team Jacob the lyrics have so much longing, so much want. Wanting to be that person for her but needing her to meet him halfway. Hmmm love to ponder the lyrics, my friends!

Get your coffee and follow the cut as we jump into the rest of the tracklisting…

The Internet Has Spoken: Twilight is Lame

Dear people who don’t live in a Twilight bubble (aka normal people, most people in the universe & people I should spend more time with),

Sometimes when I see/hear/think of things in the Twilight world that you are also seeing/hearing/experiencing without being in the Twilight bubble yourself, I get really 2nd-hand embarrassed. Like, it’s one thing for ME to go to see a band play who’s lead singer is the baby mama of the 2nd-cousin of the father of the dude who plays Jacob’s sister Rebecca’s husband and see a crazed fan with a Twilight-themed tattoo and her fake lesbian life partner holding all 4 books plus a print-out of Midnight Sun for the the lead singer to sign, but for “normal” people to see that? Or even KNOW it exists? I apologize on behalf of the fandom.

I recently came across this website that has a ‘guide’ for all things Twilight called, “The Internet has spoken: Twilight is lame.” I read what they posted; I laughed along with them, and then I covered my face in 2nd-hand embarrassment because THEY think WE ALL are crazy for liking Twilight and are ALL crazy fans. And now I’m sure ALL FOUR of their readers probably agree with them. So I’m gonna do what any respectable 2nd-hand embarrassed person would do- share the embarrassment with all of MY readers so that we can, once again, thank the Twilight god (Buttcrack Santa, of course, turned into a god after his ascension into heaven) that we can proudly exclaim about all our Twilight actions: “That’s Normal.” (All our actions except attending that 100Monkey’s show. That was not normal! )

Enjoy today’s Monday Funnies after the jump!