Resolutions we promise to keep longer than a week

Dear Fellow Twilighters-

So it’s that time of year where people are looking back and getting nostalgic and making resolutions they will inevitably break in the new year… so we thought, what the heck? Let’s join in on the fun and write our twi-solutions! Seriously, we’re not going to stop with the twi-words.

Freaks coming to a town near you!

In 2009 we promise to…

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town.

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon… are you listening Summit Entertainment marketing dept?! You need us, we’re professionals! Seriously, email us.

you call this music?! why yes, I'll torture myself for your reading pleasure!

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make.

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)

5. Make Kristen Stewart aka Sour Puss smile at least 3-4 times by our hilarious commentaries.

6. Bring you even more shirtless pictures of Kellan while making inappropriate comparisons between him and that hot guy from your youth group who was nice to everyone.

Us, New Moon premiere!

7. Start to v-log occasionally (UnintendedChoice might even perform a hit like “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar” live on video)

More girls! More Alice!

8. Actually start featuring more Twilight girls on this site! We love you Ashley Greene and Alice and Anna Kendrick and Angela and sometimes Kristen Stewart! Enough with these boys, girl power!

9. Keep bringing you all the best in Rob letters and mild obsessions over at LetterstoRob.com

In 2009 we promise NOT to:

1. Bore you with any more news/links of Rob Pattinson’s 2 week old haircut. Time to find something NEW to post about mainstream media! You are boring us. Try finding him playing that guitar he took back to London with him. Now THAT would be newsworthy! DUH!!

2. We promise to KEEP our promise to NEVER call Robert Pattinson: BOB. ever.

3. Not to leave you alone in your OCD– Obsessive Cullen Disorder… we’re in this together people!

Lastly, our most important resolution and promise for 2009 is:

To meet Rob Pattinson and have him fall madly in love with us.

Feel the love in 2009!

simple enough…

XO and all the best in ’09!
-Us, themoonisdown and unintendedchoice

Do you have any twi-solutions?

We’re 2nd hand embarassed

Dear Twilight haters (including UnintendedChoice’s husband),

Introducing the first video for our new series, “2nd-hand embarrassment:”

It was confirmed by this video that what we do is NOwhere near the nerdiness or embarrassment as stuff like this. I mean sure we take pictures with Edward pillows and stalk Borders employees looking for sold out calendars but we do NOT rewrite lyrics to songs or re-enact scenes from the movie and put them on the internet for everyone to see… at least not this week we don’t. After the cut watch more of these gems! We’ll be bringing you more of these every week cause there are TONS of them…talk about crafty fans!

Edward and Jen (World’s best wrapped Christmas gift)

Dear Edward,

I’ll be honest, I’m a little jealous.  Why did Jen get this for Twi-mas and I did not?

Jen's best Christmas ever

I have to say.. you going behind my back to work with her cousin, Sheri, on this gift stings a little. Oh, I know, I got a couple nice gifts for Twi-mas (and sent some nice things to theMoonisDown) that I have yet to post about, but I really wanted to lay on the floor and touch your paper face.

A little bummed,
me (still xo, though)

Twilosophy Vol. 1

Dearest philosophical Twi-hard,

This image has NOTHING to do with Twilosophy. Enjoy!

I present to you our first official version of Twilight Philosophy: aka Twilosophy.  So very often, theMoonisDown and I have such introspective conversations about Twi-life, but we miss out on sharing them with you due to our busy schedules providing pictures for Perez to rip off, writing hit Twi-mas songs and updating the world on all-things-Rob.

We don’t want you to think we’re shallow, or incapable of talking about the deeper aspects of living the Twi-life. Plus my husband majored in Philosophy in college, so I’m kinda an expert.

Warning: This week’s twilosophy contains spoilers

Tonight I had a revelation: While Rob Pattinson looks to be jizzing in his pants during the first Biology scene in the movie, he is, in fact, acting just as Stephenie Meyer hoped Edward would act. Last night I started re-reading Midnight Sun. (It’s not like I had anything better to do- dishes haven’t been done since before Christmas, there is still wrapping paper in shreads in the living room and I haven’t cleaned the cat’s litter box in over a week, but whatevs)

Reading Midnight Sun, you’re struck with just HOW MUCH Edward wanted to kill Bella. I thought to myself “UnintendedChoice (just kidding, I rarely call myself that), how would YOU act like you’re about to kill an innocent teenager and massacre an entire classroom?” And if we remember back to Anne Rice’s Interview with a Vampire, we learned that sucking the blood of a victim is quite a sensual experience. And Edward even imagines it..taking his time with Bella’s warm blood…so it makes sense that he would act like, well, he jizzed in his pants.

Forgot how awesome the movie was? (how could you?!) Thanks to a Chinese pirate, we can watch the entire movie in sections here.

(Read our first unofficial run at Twilosophy here)

Fanmade vid of the week: “Vampire’s Choice: Edward’s Volvo”

Congrats to TiffanyD666 (can we just call ya Tiff?) for this kick-ass fan-made video. You made me want to buy a Volvo and make out with Edward. Actually you didn’t make me want to do the latter- I was born with that desire.

Congrats again! You win this week’s prize: A spin around the block (ya know, from Forks to Chicago) with Alice in her yellow porsche!

Blood, guts and social messages

This guy totally killed my "Rathboner"

Dear Jackson-

How did you keep a straight face while being interviewed by THIS GUY? I mean the site is called Bloody Disgusting and the interviewer guy calls himself “Spooky Dan.” You looked like you were about to lose it from .14-.22 but you reigned it in and started getting all philosophical about Horror movies. You talked about social messages being ‘imbued’ in the subtext and racial tension being part of  “Night of the Living Dead.” WTF! Apparently we need to hire you to help us write our “Twil-sophy’ letters on here. Geez, smarty! Also you from 330-350, CUTE ALERT. Oh and there’s 100 Monkeys talk… guess there’s an ALBUM in the works. Imagine that. yea, just imagine.

If you wanna get creeped by Spooky Dan but soothed by cute Jackson watch the on-set video above and check out the movie Dread, which I guess Jackson was on the set of for this interview and will be acting in at some point.

Love your GUTS,
Me

PS oh god, I just found out Spooky Dan lives in Hollywood. Save me!

More from Bloody Disgusting
Tip: Twilight Series Theories

Impress this brother with a life of virtue

Dear Kellan-

Is it wrong to lust after your bible study leader?

Your sister in Christ-
Me

PS. so I guess Kellan is on 90210 on January 13th on the CW. Make sure to catch that or not… we don’t need any ‘stumbling blocks.’ 😀

PPS. Yes, I’m taking this Kellan/Youth Group storyline I’ve made up and I’m running with it. Especially after seeing him at Jackson’s 24k show (more on this later)

PPSS. Thanks to Kellmett Happens and Twilight Series Theories for the tip and pics. Hot sauce! And great sites.

Also… whenever I see, hear or think of Kellan why does the song “I don’t want it” by DC TALK ALWAYS come into my head?

overlook the random family… this is the only video of this song i could find.

Distorted Reality

Dear Twilight,

I’m not sure how you do it, but it seems you’ve distorted my reality.  I just spent an entire day indoors fearing that this sunny December day would reveal to my neighbors relatives, visiting for Christmas vacation, how I sparkle in the sun, just like diamonds.

I don’t think I’m the only one.  Remember LL from last week? The one dating Brian? She understands too.  She left me a message yesterday saying,

“um so today i was telling brian how i sometimes have a hard time reading him…. it went something like this:

‘i’m usually very good at reading people…with just one exception…’

i hope he never reads the book. he’ll find out where i get all my lines from.”

It seems that this girl has had her reality distorted, too:

I know, since I’m basically a vamp already (in my mind), why don’t you send Carlisle my way to turn me tonight? I’ll be home around 12:30 am EST!

Love, 
Rebekah Cullen.. oops.. not Cullen.. crap..

Bah-Humbug!

Dear Makers of Official Calender–

You SUCK.

No Love,
Me

Neither unintendedchoice or myself received said calendar for Christmas because there were none to be had not ANYWHERE. And trust me, if my mom couldn’t find it. NO ONE could. Look what I’m going to miss on my birthday month?! REALLY, what am I supposed to use now to keep track of days at work?

Oh and I hear July’s an especially HOT month featuring Carlisle… but guess we’ll never know.

All I want for Christmas

Dear Hot Topic (and other fine Twilight retailers),

All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar. I even wrote a song about it (enjoy below). My husband says (yes, I have a husband and want a twi-cal, so what?) that when he asks for them at your store and other calendar stores, the clerks literally LAUGH at him. Why don’t you stop laughing at my husband and just give him a twi-cal to let me open Christmas morn?

It’s a bummer.. I saw tons of calendars last month.. he should’ve bought one then. Oh well, it’s his fault if I divorce him when I don’t get my only Christmas wish. Or it’s your fault. Or amazon’s fault for selling a calendar made by a poor 7 year old boy in a third world country for $49.89

PS: I’d also take Rob, naked, wrapped in a bow under my tree. xo

*Do YOU have a Twilight wish for Christmas? Write your own letter and email it to letterstotwilight@gmail.com or comment below!