Before we had the REAL thing

Dear 2007 & 2008,

I’ve been reminiscing. Reminiscing about a time before the drama of “Is David Slade or isn’t David Slade being replaced by a taller director?” and “Are Rob & Kristen really making love for hours on end in front of a fire on a bear skin rug or are they just banging quickly on a leopard printed one?” I was thinking back to YOUR time- when casting announcements were just being announced for the movies, a petition was being sent around to have Rob replaced in the films & Big Daddy hadn’t yet become a household name. Melissa Rosenberg hadn’t yet penned “How you likin’ da rain Arizona,” and Cathy Hardi was still hard at work coming up with a list of “terrible, awful, no good lines for Rob Pattinson to say when Kristen Stewart first climbs on his back.” Sigh… those were the good ol’ days.

Actually, I wasn’t around then but I would have been if I had known better. However, as I’ve read every page and seen every image the internet has to offer about the Twilight saga & its actors, I’ve discovered that things were different back then. Things were different before. Before the hype. Before the drama. Before there were promo photos, videos and interviews. Before anyone knew any better….. This stuff was made:

Back when Edward Cullen, the 21st century’s Romeo, was seen as a vampire with a mullet and loved a heroine who young enough to give Chris Hansen a MAJOR career booster.

Back when Pete Wentz was someone’s dream Edward Cullen

Back when a REAL Native American was expected to play Jacob

Back when Ronald McDonald fought a random Italian dude for Bella’s love

Back when no one was good enough for Rob Pattinson, so Ariel had to fill in

Was Ashlee Simpson someone’s dream Rosalie? Check it out after the jump!

We wish you a Cullen Christmas

Dear LTTers,

Merry Christmas Eve! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, merry time of year when everyone says “Merry Christmas” to you and you look at them and say, “But I don’t celebrate Christmas” and they stare back at you, not understanding, in a santa hat!

Moon and I have objected ourselves to 2nd-hand embarrassment, yet again, to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Love,

UC & Moon

After the jump, read all the wonderful lyrics penned by @Brookelockart, Moon & myself. Print them out and have a family sing-a-long around the dinner table tomorrow!

Breaking down my Twilight memories

Dear Twilight,

Wow… you have really changed my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting this week since it’s our anniversary week, and I’ve been thinking back to a year ago at the start of it all. Moon & I are extremely bummed that we can’t locate that very first chat we had on 12/8/08 when we decided to start the blogs, but in my searching for that first conversation, I’ve come across a gem. Way back on 11/25/2008, Moon was going through her first read of the Twilight saga, and I was SO excited to finally have a friend to discuss the series with! I laughed re-reading this conversation, realizing how far we’ve come, how much we’ve changed and yet, how little has really changed! I’m gonna stop talking about it and instead, I’m gonna break down one of the first conversations Moon & I ever had about Twilight… vanity fair style!

My “Break down” is italicized between the lines of conversation and it’s green. Green is (what?) GOOD

Someday will cover our faces with that ribbon...

Losing Moon’s virginity

UC: oh miss Moon HI! did you read my blog yet? My review on Twilight the movie? because I forgot you didn’t finish book 3… *spoiler alert*
Book 3? Really UC? No one calls it that. It’s Eclipse
Moon: Thats where I just clicked on! About to read it!
UC: NOOO Stop! Until you finish the series…. I don’t want to give it away!!!
Moon: But I’m halfway through Eclipse? Don’t read it?
UC: Don’t- just because I give away my favorite part!! A part you’ll love
It involves the guy who runs around in jorts warming up the heart-breaker in a tent while the cold one looks on!
Moon: Oh man! I can’t wait. I didn’t read any last nite because I wanted to save it for the plane tonight!!
What? Moon? Is that you? The one who has been tempted to read my blog posts before they post in the morning and has been known to sneak in fanfic at opportune times- like during work or while at church? You WAITED for Eclipse!?
UC: oh yay! Good Idea
You sound 12, UC, saying “Yay” like that. Plus that’s not a good idea
UC: I forgot how good Eclipse was! I think I might read the last 1/2 again before I start Breaking Dawn 🙂 I’m such a loser/really awesome
The phrase you’re looking for is “That’s Normal”
Moon: TOTALLY awesome.
Welcome to the 80s
Moon: yea I’m LOVING Eclipse- might be favorite
It stays your favorite
Moon: Then I’ll probably get Breaking Dawn this week sometime
You’ll try, but every store will be out of it. So you’ll look hopelessly for a week

The one where we prophecize

UC: How long will you be at home with your parents? Until Sunday?
Moon: Monday I come back- decided to make a vacay out of it
UC: nice!!
Moon: stalk stephenie meyer
UC: Oh yay! She lives there, I forgot!
Oh UC… next thing you’ll tell me you don’t know Rob Pattinson’s middle name.
Moon: It’s so sad but I’m so hoping for some odd reason I see her
That hope never dies
Moon: I’ve regressed to age 14 and I’m ok with it
That’s (still) Normal
UC: haha I would want to see her too! And I know what you mean I’m seriously going crazy. I’m only listening to the soundtrack and I keep repeating songs
You’ll do that for another 6 months. You’ll never play that Perry Ferrell song you thought you’d learn to like ever again
Moon: Dude the soundtrack is killing me
Dude- Just wait until New Moon’s soundtrack. You’ll wanna kill yourself
UC: So my review of the movie is VERY similar to yours (I didn’t read yours until after I wrote mine) Except.. I added my opinions of seeing it a 2nd time which was PERFECT because I loved it even more
Moon: yea I’m thinking I need to see it again away from little girls
UC: Yes. it was SO different
Moon: I think I’ll be able to focus on it and not wonder what’s next and stop worrying about the cheesy special FX and enjoy
You won’t stop worrying about the cheesy FX because they don’t stop being cheesy
UC: right- I def. wasn’t focused first time around. [My husband] Mr. Choice didn’t think it was cheesy at all (the diamonds)
The what? Diamonds? Do you mean the sparkles? Oh UC….
UC: he said if it was anything more, he thinks it would’ve been cheesy.
He’s wrong. It was cheesy
UC: I could’ve used some more sparkle myself. Spoiler alert for my review. He LOVED it
Moon: Every dude or person who didn’t read the books really liked it
Is every ‘dude or person” you know a family member of Catherine Hardwicke? [side note: this was during the phase when Moon called every guy a dude]
UC: I know!
Moon: so I think it’s just the diehards who are trying to reconcile the whole thing to whatever they imagined
UC: He said it’s a shame it’s the teen demographic because it’s not going to get the credit and attention it deserves for being a really kick-a movie
Hahahaha UC print that out and remind Mr. Choice DAILY that he once said that. He won’t believe you….
Moon: EXACTLY! So many people are like that’s a YA novel. I’m like SO WHAT?!
Preach it
Moon: If they got a different director and some kick ass CGI/FX this could contend with the summer blockbusters- it’s supernatural
Preeeacch it!
UC: and the actors were soo good!
Uh… who do you mean? Jessica and Mike? And sometimes Rob?
Moon: It could be put it in there with Batman and stuff
Uh, what?

Monday Funnies: Cuz nothing’s funnier than laughing at Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I’m so glad we can laugh at your expense. Cuz Lord knows that the list is growing of reasons why I need to laugh: Pics surfaced of Robsten having an intense argument at the Kings of Leon concert about who would have the most grease if they wrung their hair into a measuring cup; when writing about how I was scarred because I accidentally clicked on the snail & dragon penis‘ 3 times on Friday, I accidentally clicked on them another 3 times; I forgot Bella & Edward’s anniversary; I went to three cupcake places yesterday and all three were closed; Plus Cam Gigandet’s 27th birthday was yesterday, and I was really pissed cuz my “Important Twi dates” calendar had it wrong and listed his birthday as today, and then I realized instead of being pissed that I missed it I should just be embarrassed that I have an “Important Twi-dates” calendar. So, I need these laughs:

After the jump- a little bonus Monday Funny:

Happy 4th of July from the Twilight gang

Dear LTT readers,

The crew over at the Cullen house asked us to pass along their tips & advice to enjoy the best Independence Day possible!

(If you’re not from the US and not celebrating the holiday today, you could still take to heart these words of wisdom)

Carlisle: Practice safety while using fireworks. The 4th of July is the most dangerous holiday in the US due to misuse of fireworks. Most loss of limbs could be prevented- it is due to stupid mistakes from people not following instruction (When it’s not due to stupid mistakes, it’s usually the fault of my son, Jasper, but I don’t write that on the medical report)

Esme: If you don’t want to cook Italiano, try my favorite recipe. All the Cullens love it on special occasions. Hunt a fresh mountain lion and a fresh grizzly bear. Track them down, stalk them, pounce and then kill them. Drag them back to the family house and then drink the blood. Sprinkle with love and stir in good times.

Rosalie: When I was a human, I celebrated 4th of July every year by being crowned the Independence Queen at the Rochester, NY Independence Day fair. Of course, I never intended to become a vampire, so I don’t celebrate the holiday anymore.

Emmett: My advice is simple- get yourself a hot girl, a keg (I prefer a deer blood keg) and a raw bear burger. Grab the fam- play a lil baseball and you’re set!

Bella: I find to keep your child occupied during the day, if you have no other children for him/her to play with, it is best to invest in a dog.  In our case, we have a wolf. And while you’re at it, if your kids are playing with wolves, why not let them play in traffic too.

Edward: I’ve learned that if you have accident-prone or klutzy people in your family, it’s best to keep them away from the grill, the fireworks, the stick you use for s’mores, the diving board on the pool, the volleyball court and the local Native American reservation. (If you have a reservation near by, you’d probably be safest to lock up your loved one…) Another tip that you can learn from my mistakes is to practice safe sex. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…

Alice: It is not okay to help yourself to seconds or grab an extra large piece of patriotic cake. I know you think you’re going to exercise tomorrow, but trust me. You won’t. You can always bet on me

Jasper: Are you usually the one who laughs at the people wearing the flag t-shirts whistling “America the Beautiful” all day long? Don’t really feel like you have a patriotic spirit? Don’t worry. This year, with my help, you will wake up with the Star Spangled Banner stuck in your head all day, which you will sing, loudly, for everyone to hear. And forget a flag t-shirt, you’re going to be inspired to collect all the flags in your neighbor’s yards & sew together your very own, custom, patriotic flag-outfit (similar to this one (UC note- don’t click unless you want to see a big girl almost naked, seriously) here.) You will feel patriotic this holiday, with my help!

Advice from UC & Moon: Feel free to make this your desktop background:

And make sure to listen to this song:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Happy 4th of July!
Love,
UC & Moon & all the Cullens

Celebrate with Rob over on LTR

Not going to a picnic today (why not!? you should’ve told me- I would have invited you over!) play in The Forum

We are both out and about all weekend, so we may not approve your comment right away if it’s in moderation. Just chillax- enjoy. Eat a hot dog, or a raw bear burger if you’d rather! XO

It’s a Twilight Father’s Day

To all the Twilight daddy’s: Carlisle Cullen, Billy Black, Charlie, Harry Clearwater, Big-Daddy Lautner & Edward,

A big HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to the whole group of you from Moon & I.  We love you all so much, we couldn’t pick one fav to write to today so we’re writing to you all (just kidding, Big Daddy-Lautner, you know you’re our fav).  Actually your kids are writing to you because we have our own daddys to take care of (although ours aren’t as cool as a vampire, Native American, cop or McDonald’s spokesperson…)

Enjoy your day! Go on over to Harry’s and grill out with his famous fish fry!
<3, UC & Moon

Dear Carlisle,

Edward: Thank you for saving me from the Spanish Influenza & capturing my 17 year old perfection for eternity. Thank you for your encouragement to stay strong and not kill my beloved Bella &, of course, for the rockin’ sex tips. Although next time, I’d prefer it if you’d not get so detailed on how much Esme, my mother, likes to do that there.

Rosalie: Thank you, Carlisle, for changing my darling Emmett after he was attacked by that bear.  I’ll be honest I’m not crazy about how all that shit when down with Edward.  Why the hell didn’t you prep him first and convince him to love me? Also, I’ll deep down hate you forever for turning me into a vampire in the first place. Couldn’t you have let me die? F*ck y Oh yeah, this isn’t about me. Happy Father’s day Dad…

Emmett: Thanks for my smokin’ hot girl, Rose. And for that tip on how much mom likes that there- now Rose does too!

Alice & Jasper: (UC note: Uh, we couldn’t exactly find Alice & Jasper…. seems Jasper may have recently had a conversation with you, Carlisle? Something about something somewhere…..?)

Carlisle might be the reason we have Edward & so we’re the most grateful to him, but he’s not the only daddy! See all the other letters after the jump!

Lovin’ 100Monkeys means you’ll be loved in return

Dear God, please let this girl's name be Bella

Dear girls who thought by seeing the 100Monkeys last night at The Khyber in Philly Rob will now declare his eternal love for you,

Did he? Did Rob call you this morning anxious to begin your love affair? I figured. Cuz there’s nothing that turns on an actor more than girls showing up to a co-star’s band’s show wearing Twilight T-shirts, showing off their Twilight tats, swinging their home-made Jasper handbags over their shoulders, wearing a monkey hat, carrying around a huge stuffed monkey and asking when “Jasper” is going on stage.

By bringing a Monkey to the 100Monkey's show, Rob will be so happy & make me his wife

How ever will Rob chose between you all?

Last night was amazing. Big hugs to all the LTT/LTRs I met. Real recap to come this week. It’s 2:16 am and I need my beauty rest if I am going to be at my best for Rob’s call in the am, declaring his love for me since I saw a show tonight where the lead singer happened to be in two movies with him and they may or may not be friends outside of work.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Characters that got the shaft in the movie Vol. 1: Jasper

Dear Jasper –

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now since I first saw the movie and now that I’m rereading Twilight (again). I’ve come to a conclusion Jasper: I think you got royally screwed in the movie. You (as well as some others I will cover in later posts) got screwed out of some majorly needed character development and denied one of the most powerful and in my personal opinion one of the BEST scenes from the book. You know the one… if you’ve got your bibles Twilight books handy it’s on page 404, near the end after the baseball scene they’re in the garage and everyone has run off to chase after James and Victoria while Alice and Jasper take Bella to Phoenix. Bella and Jasper are alone in the garage and this exchange takes place…

Jasper and I looked at each other. He stood across the length of the entryway from me… being careful.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said quietly.

“What?” I gasped.

I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it.”

“I’m not,” I mumbled. “If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing.”

“You’re wrong,” he repeated, smiling kindly at me.

Amazing, isn’t it? Calm, cool reassuring Jasper says one of the most profound ideas of the entire saga, the whole basis for why they put themselves in danger, the reasoning behind Edward’s love for her. That above all else SHE’S WORTH IT! And it was not in the movie! What were they thinking? They added in some totally necessary parts and left THIS gem out? I really can’t quite understand that. Not only was this amazing scene cut from the movie we also never really learn fully about your abilities, Jasper. It’s mentioned that you’re “special” like Edward and Alice but they never explain how or why. Instead Jackson is forced to play Jasper as some sort of Edward Scissorhands caricature with crazy eyes and a serious need for Immodium AD. When really he’s a much deeper character with very deep emotions.

I understand the limitations of film but I still think you got screwed and I can only hope that they get it right from here on out with not only your character Jasper but with a lot of other ones. And while we’re at it can you tell Stephenie Meyer once she’s through finishing Midnight Sun she can start on the Alice/Jasper story. I’m DYING simply DYING to know more! I need to read the diner scene and get all ooey gooey with some Jasper and Alice love.

Soothe me Jasper,
Themoonisdown

Now don’t jump the gun… this is volume ONE and we have plenty of other characters to talk about!

Don’t let the good times end, head over to the forum and today’s daily chat!

A birthday party with the Cullens

Dear Moon,

Tonight, the Cullen family cordially invites you over to their home to celebrate your birthday.  I know you don’t like surprises, so I snooped around to see what gifts the family was going to surprise you with and I have some advice:

Carlisle is going to let you get any medical procedure at 10% off (Tues-Fri. only) although he is willing to “change you” for free. He also offered to introduce you to his son….

Esme promises to hug you often, but more gentle than any other member of the family. And if you were to hit if off with that son that Carlisle mentioned, she is offering free advice on being intimate with a vampire…

a

Edward promises to lend you his jacket for the evening as well as hitch your leg over his hip.

If that’s not good enough, you can take a spin in his volvo- I hear the seats go all the way back, if you know what I’m saying. (This is where Esme’s advice will come in handy!) Remember to take your birth control pill!

a

a

Rosalie has graciously offered to stay out of your way for most of the evening. She also has promised to keep her jealousy of you under wraps.

And that pesky little girl who follows Edward around? Bella something…? Well, Rose promises to be a fake lesbian with her for the night so you and Edward have some alone time (Wait.. is the fake lesbian theme in the Twilight Saga at all? Cuz the lines between twi-reality & our blog-reality are blurring…)

a

a

Bear hugs are Emmett’s specialty, and he loves giving them out. Watch out though- he might get a little frisky and try to turn them into “special hugs.”

After your done with his hugs, ask him to read you his favorite Bible story- the one about Samson.  He can’t get enough of Bible characters with superhuman strength!

a

a

Besides Edward, Alice is going to be the best thing about your birthday party! Not only will Alice tell you whether or not you’ll need that ‘intimacy with a vampire’ advice from Esme, but she’ll let you know what other presents Edward is surprising you with (ya know, just so you know how much you need to thank him)

Not sure what to wear tonight? No prob! Alice will be at your house 1 hour early with 2 bags full of high-end designer options. Plus she’ll do your hair & your make-up…..! You’re gonna look so smokin’ at this party that Rosalie won’t stick by her promise to keep her jealousy in check- plus Emmett & Jasper are gonna be begging Edward for details on your two…. (no pressure…)

a

Uh, Jasper won’t be there. He isn’t invited to birthday parties anymore…. the last one didn’t go so well…

a

Enjoy your night! Happy birthday! Remember.. I’m the first to know all hook-up with Edward details!

XO,
UnintendedChoice

PS: See what Rob & The Quad did for Moon’s big day over at Letters To Rob

Monday Funnies: It’s Monday, I’m at work and I’d rather be reading Twilight. FML

(We’re gonna play a little game… every time I tell you you’re going to hit the button in this link when I tell you to and then proceed… NOW don’t hit it YET until I say so… alright aaaaand GO…)

Dear LTT-er’s-

It’s once again  Monday (hit it!), and the debauchery of the weekend is now a distant memory (except that hickey) (hit it!) and instead of being curled up in bed reading Twilight or out with your friends wildin’ out or getting your drunk on in the Friday Night Crunk thread at the forum, we’re at work (hit it!). So in lieu of crying into your spreadsheets or that 3rd cup of coffee, let’s take a trip around the internet and laugh our faces off together.

Now you KNOW Twilight is getting big when entries on two of my favorite sites: F*ck My Life and Texts From Last Night start popping up and mention the saga. For the uninitiated, F My Life (FML) is a daily dose of short anecdotes based on a simple recipe: in a few sentences, users can tell everyone the shitty moment which ruined their day. These short stories must begin with “Today” and end with “FML”. When my friend sent me this one I KNEW I had to share…

click to maximum LOL's

(Hit the button!)

Now my newest favorite website is Textsfromlastnight.com and I just happened to catch a few today that you have to see. TFLN is a site where people submit texts messages they’ve received or sent after a particularly awesome or terrible night!

clicky for maximum LOL's

(Hit it!)

Who hasn’t sat around wondering things like this on occasion? Why didn’t the Cullens use their powers for good like killing Bin Laden (hit it!), or to help save the polar bears from extinction (hit it!), or heck, how come the Cullens couldn’t stop Sparks from never being produced again (hit it!)?! On these occasions I may or may not have been drunk.

clicky for maximum LOL's

(hit it!)

Capt Crunch donuts AND Jasper Hale? COME ON! Where and how do I get both of these delivered to my office right now? Oh wait… one’s a fictional character (hit it!).

Now I dare you to get through a day without wanting to use the button after your boss tells you you need to come in early tomorrow or finding out you’re up for a yearly review but because of the economy, all raises have been suspended (hit it!)

Now back to work kids! (hit it!)
Themoonisdown

PS While you’re in the forum today don’t forget to check out the video topic where the lovely Jena is going to be bringing us the very best in moving images! I saw a sneak peek of todays and I highly suggest you keep the button handy!