#FanFail- what is it in the Twidom?

Do I have to photoshop Robsten in order to be a fan?

Dear Twilight,

I realized yesterday that I, quite often, hashtag #fanfail, even when I’m not on Twitter, when talking about myself as a fan in this Twidom. If I forget who a minor character is or accidentally miss Ashley Greene’s dog’s birthday or forget to mention that when the manager of the McDonald’s in Pasadena gave control of the franchise to Big Daddy Lautner for one day, I am hard on myself. I sometimes consider myself a failure as a fan.

I realized that I think this about myself when yesterday morning I received an email from an old friend you might remember, EastFriend from The Quad, who, I can only imagine was INSPIRED BY GOD to say (aka she read Moon’s post from yesterday), “Don’t hate me. I’m a bad fan, but WHO is Boo-Boo Stewart!?” I wrote back, “You’re NOT a bad fan. No one is supposed to remember who he is.” But it spurred on some thoughts in my mind about who IS or ISN’T a bad fan. Can we really quantify that? Is there a fine line between FAN and NON-FAN? There just might be….Here is what I’ve come up with.

Here’s how you know you’re STILL a fan:

• It IS okay if you still aren’t sure what part Boo-Boo Stewart plays and wonder if he’s actually Justin Bieber’s younger brother. You’re still a fan.

• It IS okay if you’re not sure who Justin Bieber is & think he’s probably connected to The Twidom since he’s trending at #1 on Twitter almost every day and what else can be that popular other than something Twi-related? You’re still a fan.

• Even after reading Brookelockart’s rant about Bree in Eclipse, if you still had to pull out your book when you got home to remember who she was, don’t worry- You’re still a fan.

• Even if you haven’t watched New Moon on DVD yet… You’re still a fan.* (see my explanation below)

• It’s okay if you don’t know why Rob Pattinson is in Budapest right now. You’re still a fan.

• It’s EVEN okay if you still like Nikki Reed on occasion and don’t understand why people seem to hate on her. You’re still a fan.

• Guess what? Even if you thought TWILIGHT was better than NEW MOON even though it wasn’t as good but it was still better (follow me?) You’re still a fan.

• If your cousin’s boyfriend’s half sister’s brother told you that one of the Twilight cast members is gay because he experienced it first-hand and you forget whether or not that knowledge is public because you are so disconnected from the Twidom. You’re still a fan.

• If you LIKE your Twilight books & movies pure & innocent and even though you feel majorly cock-blocked you’d rather that than have all the blanks (and SO MUCH MORE) filled in by FanFic writers, You’re still a fan.

Here is how you know you MIGHT need to turn in your fan card:

• You lost your Twilight books. And didn’t immediately replace them. You’re probably not a fan

• If You saw this commercial and did not IMMEDIATELY think that it’s Big Daddy Lautner’s theme song, then You’re probably not a fan.
  

• If when you’re watching New Moon and see Bella RUSH into the kitchen you don’t immediately think of Moon & I when you hear the following, You’re probably not big UC & Moon fans (but you still might be Twilight fans)
  

• If you don’t own even one little embarrassing memento of your obsession (like a bookmark or a melted piece of Jacob milk chocolate) You’re probably not a fan

• You saw the new Nicolas Sparks book-turned-film last weekend and are now on Team Miley-Cyrus’ Boyfriend, You’re DEFINITELY not a fan

• You ran into Cathy Hardi at the TGIFridays in Venice Beach and now you’re dreading your hair, smoking the tree, prank calling Oregano at 4 am and talking shizz about Summit and how they “screwed the pooch with that Weitz-guy.” You’re either not a fan or Cathy roofied your drink while she distracted you by showing you the Robsten audition tape on her cell phone

So it’s hard to tell.  Am I still a fan? Are you a fan or not? Where is the line? It’s not black & white. It’s all gray & gray’s not good (or cool), but I think we can say this. For as long as I continue blogging on LTT, even if I mistakenly think that Boo Boo Stewart is a distant cousin of Kristen’s, I’m still allowed my fancard. And if you still read LTT every day (or at least 3.67 times a week), despite forgetting the exactly date and time of Edward Masen Cullen’s birthday, you’re still a fan, as well.

Glad we settled that!
UnintendedChoice

*I haven’t watched New Moon on DVD yet. And yet I blog about Twilight each and every day of my life (except Sundays now- it’s my day of rest) so if you wanna say I’m not a fan, I’ll be happy to have a fan off with you. And show you my boobs. For fun. Cuz I wouldn’t win if we had a boob-off, but it’d be fun to say I was a part of.

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Yes Bella, you are right, “They’re NOT Bears!”

*In honor of our dear UC who loves to call me and say “They’re Not Bears!” I bring you this lovely letter from the even lovelier Bella (and Alice) from Not and Addikt*

Dear Bella,

You know, I gotta hand it to Edward: you’re a lot more observant than all of us initially gave you credit for. You immediately noticed the Cullens, you worked out all on your own that men get crabby when they’re hungry, and in the blink of an eye, you noticed those big wolves in New Moon are NOT bears. Whew, I’m glad you pointed that one out, because frankly, I was still puzzled and confused until you put me in the know. Then again, no wonder you’re such an expert, what with all the wildlife problems Forks has been having. Animal attacks, giant bears, local kids that explode into giant wolves and the likes. Anywho, it got me wondering what a movie night with you would be like. Are you one of those annoying people who figure out the plot after 5 minutes and can’t help but release my poor soul from its ignorance? Do you keep on slurping through your straw even though that coke has been emptied hours ago? Do you finish your snacks after 15 minutes and then eye mine like a PMSing vulture? Do you repeat that one semi-funny movie quote for days to come, like I do to annoy my bloggy pal Alice? Only one way to find out. Pull on your favourite pair of holey sweatpants, send Eddie hunting for a night, and browse my dvd collection for something you like. How about we make this a little marathon movie night? Allright, here we go.

Oh, so you’re into sci-fi trilogies, are you? So am I. Then again, Star Wars IS a classic.

No but they’re not wolves either. Got any other furry foresty suggestions?

Spot on again Bella, they are indeed NOT bears. We know they’re neither Ork nor Troll. So it makes total sense for you to inform us they’re also not bears, about as much sense as the fact that you are sharing a frame with a band of feisty Uruk Hais in Middle Earth.

Follow the cut to see what else is NOT a bear according to Bella

A healthy debate: Kristen Stewart’s Acting

Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.

Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,

Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?

Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it

The beginning

Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s.  I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.

Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....

And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)

New Moon

I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:

Click for awesomeness

So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“)