Before we had the REAL thing

Dear 2007 & 2008,

I’ve been reminiscing. Reminiscing about a time before the drama of “Is David Slade or isn’t David Slade being replaced by a taller director?” and “Are Rob & Kristen really making love for hours on end in front of a fire on a bear skin rug or are they just banging quickly on a leopard printed one?” I was thinking back to YOUR time- when casting announcements were just being announced for the movies, a petition was being sent around to have Rob replaced in the films & Big Daddy hadn’t yet become a household name. Melissa Rosenberg hadn’t yet penned “How you likin’ da rain Arizona,” and Cathy Hardi was still hard at work coming up with a list of “terrible, awful, no good lines for Rob Pattinson to say when Kristen Stewart first climbs on his back.” Sigh… those were the good ol’ days.

Actually, I wasn’t around then but I would have been if I had known better. However, as I’ve read every page and seen every image the internet has to offer about the Twilight saga & its actors, I’ve discovered that things were different back then. Things were different before. Before the hype. Before the drama. Before there were promo photos, videos and interviews. Before anyone knew any better….. This stuff was made:

Back when Edward Cullen, the 21st century’s Romeo, was seen as a vampire with a mullet and loved a heroine who young enough to give Chris Hansen a MAJOR career booster.

Back when Pete Wentz was someone’s dream Edward Cullen

Back when a REAL Native American was expected to play Jacob

Back when Ronald McDonald fought a random Italian dude for Bella’s love

Back when no one was good enough for Rob Pattinson, so Ariel had to fill in

Was Ashlee Simpson someone’s dream Rosalie? Check it out after the jump!

Christmas messages from the Twilight cast

Dear LTTers,

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a little TwiPorn to get us in the spirit!!! Wait- are you allowed to say “Porn” and “Christmas” in the same sentence? Does that guarantee me a ticket to that firey place? Oh well. Looking at that 3rd picture, it might be worth it!

Love,
UC & Moon

See more after the jump!

Rereading New Moon – Chapters 1-3

Dear LTT-ers,

To prepare for the November 20th release of New Moon I begin rereading the book this week to refresh my memory on the details and such. I mean it’s been since like summer when I read New Moon last and it was time to reach for one of my favorite books in the saga! It’s funny, if you asked my this time last year what was the order of my favorite Twilight books, I definitely wouldn’t have listed New Moon near the top but as with all relationships your tastes and ideas grow and mature with time like some fine Vampire wine (no, seriously there really is Vampire wine. Hot Topic is pissed they didn’t think of it first).

Currently, I’ve read chapters 1-3 (yea super far, I know!) but I’m currently in the chapter “The End” can you blame me?! I HATE this chapter. Stupid Edward… stupid Bella for not chasing his dumb ass. Stupid me for talking to characters in a book.

Here let me examine you with my mouth...

Last night I read chapter 2 “Stitches” aka “Happy Birthday, Jasper’s hungry!” wherein the well meaning Cullen’s throw an ungrateful Bella a birthday party. Even if you hate attention, really what can you complain about? Your boyfriends awesome family LOVES you, throws you an amazing little bash at their “palatial pad” in the forest, buy you gifts, have a cake and multiple plates (even when they don’t eat food) and all for Bella to be surly about. I seriously, don’t GET it. But anyway, we have the infamous papercut moment, Jasper nom nom nom-ing on Bella and then we come to the scene where Carlisle stitches Bella up and gives her some much needed back story on the Volturi and about his decision to change Edward. While he’s stitching her up, Bella comments about how blood doesn’t bother him and how he helps so many people by being a doctor which got me to thinking…. Sure Carlisle may be able to resist the scent of blood after all these years, but patients would most certainly notice his ICE COLD hands! Think about it, when Bella touches Edward’s hand in the car in Twilight it’s one of the major deciding points for her that he’s a Vampire (besides that super helpful book she bought in the Port Angeles bookstore) AND while he’s stitching her up she even notes how cold his hands are. Now imagine if it’s time for your favorite yearly check up and the doctor used his ice cold hands (even IN gloves) to examine you? Now tell me you wouldn’t wonder why was using icicles to check for a hernia and swollen glands?

Dr. McIcy hands at your service!

And now on to the god awful, gut wrenching “The End” chapter.

Somebody hold me!
Themoonisdown

So are you rereading New Moon to get your in the mood? Or are you refraining in hopes to enjoy it even more and not nit pick? Anyone had a doctor with ice cold hands? Was it Carlisle?

PS tomorrow I’ll be seeing a pre screening of Rob’s movie Remember Me!!! You know the one that’s not due out till next March? Yup, I’ll be seeing it and reporting back here on what I thought, watch our Twitter for details too! (Spoiler free details). I guess I finally know wtf that movie’s about after all!

PPS My good pal Katelin aka the rad girl who let me borrow her copy of Twilight over a year ago attended the press junket in LA this weekend. Read her account of meeting, well, um EVERYONE at her blog: Goregous Footsteps and thank her because without her insistance we wouldn’t all be reading this crap every day! 😉

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum LTR Twitter

Happy 4th of July from the Twilight gang

Dear LTT readers,

The crew over at the Cullen house asked us to pass along their tips & advice to enjoy the best Independence Day possible!

(If you’re not from the US and not celebrating the holiday today, you could still take to heart these words of wisdom)

Carlisle: Practice safety while using fireworks. The 4th of July is the most dangerous holiday in the US due to misuse of fireworks. Most loss of limbs could be prevented- it is due to stupid mistakes from people not following instruction (When it’s not due to stupid mistakes, it’s usually the fault of my son, Jasper, but I don’t write that on the medical report)

Esme: If you don’t want to cook Italiano, try my favorite recipe. All the Cullens love it on special occasions. Hunt a fresh mountain lion and a fresh grizzly bear. Track them down, stalk them, pounce and then kill them. Drag them back to the family house and then drink the blood. Sprinkle with love and stir in good times.

Rosalie: When I was a human, I celebrated 4th of July every year by being crowned the Independence Queen at the Rochester, NY Independence Day fair. Of course, I never intended to become a vampire, so I don’t celebrate the holiday anymore.

Emmett: My advice is simple- get yourself a hot girl, a keg (I prefer a deer blood keg) and a raw bear burger. Grab the fam- play a lil baseball and you’re set!

Bella: I find to keep your child occupied during the day, if you have no other children for him/her to play with, it is best to invest in a dog.  In our case, we have a wolf. And while you’re at it, if your kids are playing with wolves, why not let them play in traffic too.

Edward: I’ve learned that if you have accident-prone or klutzy people in your family, it’s best to keep them away from the grill, the fireworks, the stick you use for s’mores, the diving board on the pool, the volleyball court and the local Native American reservation. (If you have a reservation near by, you’d probably be safest to lock up your loved one…) Another tip that you can learn from my mistakes is to practice safe sex. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…

Alice: It is not okay to help yourself to seconds or grab an extra large piece of patriotic cake. I know you think you’re going to exercise tomorrow, but trust me. You won’t. You can always bet on me

Jasper: Are you usually the one who laughs at the people wearing the flag t-shirts whistling “America the Beautiful” all day long? Don’t really feel like you have a patriotic spirit? Don’t worry. This year, with my help, you will wake up with the Star Spangled Banner stuck in your head all day, which you will sing, loudly, for everyone to hear. And forget a flag t-shirt, you’re going to be inspired to collect all the flags in your neighbor’s yards & sew together your very own, custom, patriotic flag-outfit (similar to this one (UC note- don’t click unless you want to see a big girl almost naked, seriously) here.) You will feel patriotic this holiday, with my help!

Advice from UC & Moon: Feel free to make this your desktop background:

And make sure to listen to this song:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Happy 4th of July!
Love,
UC & Moon & all the Cullens

Celebrate with Rob over on LTR

Not going to a picnic today (why not!? you should’ve told me- I would have invited you over!) play in The Forum

We are both out and about all weekend, so we may not approve your comment right away if it’s in moderation. Just chillax- enjoy. Eat a hot dog, or a raw bear burger if you’d rather! XO

Rating the New Moon Trailer

Dear Twi-hards,

Introducing Moon & UC Grade something. It’s just like Breaking-it Down Vanity Fair Style, but just with us. Sometimes The Quad is busy & this is just easier. Today we grade the New Moon Trailer. Oh, you haven’t seen it? Clearly you’re not a real fan, but we’ll let it slide. Check it out then let us know if you agree with our grade scale:

Love,
UC & Moon

Here’s a fun game. See if you can count how many times we say “Dude”

Moon: Wanna break down the trailer, right now?
UC: Yes. This feels so forced. Like we scheduled sex. 6/1/09 9:00 pm SEX
Moon: Let me close the door (sounds like we’re doing something dirrrrty)
UC: dude i’m drunk. Okay I’m reading. i mean. i’m ready
Moon:  one second let me enlarge this sucker
UC:  that’s what she said

Edward & Bella
Moon:  ok so he says “you’re my only reason to stay.. alive.. IF thats what i am”
WHAT?!
UC:  The husband just said “such predictable dialogue” Um, no commentary from you, thank you very much
Moon:  it’s stephenie meyer- everything is predictable.  So…what Edward says doesnt even make sense
UC: “you’re my only reason to stay alive..if that’s what i am.” What does that mean!?
Moon:  WHAT?!
UC:  WHEN is that part?
Moon: It’s in the cullen house. Before the bday party?? Maybe after? Either way that line makes no sense, but he could speak pig latin and i’d listen
UC: “ihay ovelay youhay obray.” It’s kinda sexy.. the way she’s all up on his chest.. with her hand. I’m kinda turned on right now. DAMNIT 3rd glass of wine
Moon:  he could be like “i farted cause i ate a bean buritto” and i’d be like WOW- profound
Moon:  ok not really but ya know. It’s like when someone speaks a different langauge than you and it sounds hot even if they’re asking where the bathroom is. He’s working THAT
UC: He totally is. He’s working that sexy, drool-worthy voice that you know he doens’t have in real life. In between takes he was totally burping Kristen’s name

Rose rocks a hot bitchface

The Party (:31)
Moon:  we need to break down the outfits
UC:  first impression: House..l.. um YES… major win over the last house, which i loved
Moon:  yea i LOVED the last house. I want to MARRY the last house
UC:  House= win. so romantic. I so hope that the hubby does that exact thing for our annivesary celebration tonight.
Moon:  the two houses don’t look like they go together
UC:  i want to marry THIS house. They’re diff houses, but I love them both. This is an upgrade. Let’s discuss the coloring. It’s great. I wasn’t against the blue. I liked the blue. It was depressing, rainy. I thought it was nice, but the warm golden colors? I like
Moon: The blue color was dreary twilight, and I think the change to warn tones reflects the change to the wolves and earthy shiz like the quilutes. LOVE the new look
UC:  Um Alice= my bff. She shoulda worn THAT Sunday night to MTV cuz it’s major win. Also notice NO showing of Nikki/Rosalie except for one bitch-face moment that I’m about to screen cap
Moon:  No joke, Ash’s wig is better than her bouffant from last night
Moon:  Rose looks hot for once and not like she fell out of a TJ Max sale rack like she did in Twilight.
UC:  right. Ross Black Friday special
Moon:  seriouisly lest we forget her ACID wash jeans
UC:  she goes well with uncle jesse
UC: Esme? Uh, make me a vamp now and make her my mama
Moon:  Esme will always be hot and timeless. NEED that dress
UC:  WILL BUY that dress on ebay. For $7,000 if I have to. Will fight over any Twimom to get it.

"Won't you be my supper?"

UC:  so far I’m in love with Chris Weitz. Can we discuss the manly sound we hear “Alice that cake could feed 50. you guys don’t even eat”
UC:  It’s like Kristen said “damn, it’s 3am, i don’t give a F*ck… i’m gonna sound like it’s 3am. Or like I ate a frog.”
Moon:  uh JASPER- aka:  Mr Rogers cardigan and a poodle wig
UC:  SO nasty! Seriously. Almost as bad as sweat fest 2009 at the khyber in philly
Moon:  he’s all top heavy with that hair, makes him look like a pinhead. I’m so sad and underwhelmed.  Sweatfest was better

Not so fast, you sweaty monkey, you

The dramatic, small flesh wound (:43)
Moon: Jasper running is ridiculous! totes diff than how i imagined it but awesome
UC: poor piano
Moon:  next time i get a papercut im going to fling whatever it is im holding in the air. totally dramatic “OW PAPERCUT!”
UC:  Yes! Then throw someone on the piano! And ruin it. Even though it’s an antique from the 1800s that Bach played in the 1600. F*ck it. Who cares.
Moon:  thats how you react to small flesh wounds
UC:  Caust it’s a MUCH bigger deal than Bella getting her period
Moon:  dude you can totally see the harness and wires on jasper/stunt double. It’s all rumbled and a big square thing on his back
UC: Rush job!
Moon: yes definite rush job
UC:  Insert note from the Hubby “how many times do you think you’re gonna watch that clip? You probably should a bunch more. You don’t want to miss any foreshadowing or symbolism” (this is where I get my wonderful sarcasm)

See where Bella gets sad and Chris Hansen comes after us, after the jump

A birthday party with the Cullens

Dear Moon,

Tonight, the Cullen family cordially invites you over to their home to celebrate your birthday.  I know you don’t like surprises, so I snooped around to see what gifts the family was going to surprise you with and I have some advice:

Carlisle is going to let you get any medical procedure at 10% off (Tues-Fri. only) although he is willing to “change you” for free. He also offered to introduce you to his son….

Esme promises to hug you often, but more gentle than any other member of the family. And if you were to hit if off with that son that Carlisle mentioned, she is offering free advice on being intimate with a vampire…

a

Edward promises to lend you his jacket for the evening as well as hitch your leg over his hip.

If that’s not good enough, you can take a spin in his volvo- I hear the seats go all the way back, if you know what I’m saying. (This is where Esme’s advice will come in handy!) Remember to take your birth control pill!

a

a

Rosalie has graciously offered to stay out of your way for most of the evening. She also has promised to keep her jealousy of you under wraps.

And that pesky little girl who follows Edward around? Bella something…? Well, Rose promises to be a fake lesbian with her for the night so you and Edward have some alone time (Wait.. is the fake lesbian theme in the Twilight Saga at all? Cuz the lines between twi-reality & our blog-reality are blurring…)

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Bear hugs are Emmett’s specialty, and he loves giving them out. Watch out though- he might get a little frisky and try to turn them into “special hugs.”

After your done with his hugs, ask him to read you his favorite Bible story- the one about Samson.  He can’t get enough of Bible characters with superhuman strength!

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Besides Edward, Alice is going to be the best thing about your birthday party! Not only will Alice tell you whether or not you’ll need that ‘intimacy with a vampire’ advice from Esme, but she’ll let you know what other presents Edward is surprising you with (ya know, just so you know how much you need to thank him)

Not sure what to wear tonight? No prob! Alice will be at your house 1 hour early with 2 bags full of high-end designer options. Plus she’ll do your hair & your make-up…..! You’re gonna look so smokin’ at this party that Rosalie won’t stick by her promise to keep her jealousy in check- plus Emmett & Jasper are gonna be begging Edward for details on your two…. (no pressure…)

a

Uh, Jasper won’t be there. He isn’t invited to birthday parties anymore…. the last one didn’t go so well…

a

Enjoy your night! Happy birthday! Remember.. I’m the first to know all hook-up with Edward details!

XO,
UnintendedChoice

PS: See what Rob & The Quad did for Moon’s big day over at Letters To Rob