Christmas Caroling with the Cullens

Dear LTTers,

How are you!? Stuffed? Tired? Are you wearing your new clothes and playing your new CDs and watching your new DVDs? Good. Moon & I are busy with our families this weekend, but have no fear! We don’t plan to stop the holiday celebration. In fact, we both printed out today’s caroling lyrics and plan to lead our families in many rousing choruses throughout the day. So don’t stop the holiday celebrations! Get back in the spirit by singing the following Christmas carols with more appropriate lyrics!

“I’m Dreaming of a Black Christmas” Listen to the Real song here

Now that Edward is back, Bella spends less time with Jake. She’s not as happy as Stephenie Meyers makes her seem. And the holidays are especially tough. Bella is all sentimental…. wishing for more time with Jake. And so she sings this tune….

Who invited Buttcrack Santa?

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas
Just like they have down on the res
Where Emily bakes her muffins
and jorts are in fashion
and everyone does what Sam Uley says

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas
Just like when that wolf was my best friend
I won’t even throw a face punch
when he tries to kiss me
really, he wouldn’t be a bad boyfriend

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas
Every time Emmett jokes that I’m his snack
May your days be 110 degrees and laidback
And may all your Christmases be Black

Sing more tunes after the jump!

“I’m Dreaming of a Breaking Dawn”

Calliopeblabs was feeling especially Christmasey last time she thought about Breaking Dawn. She decided to share her feelings, in song…

Please don't let the dress be this fffuuuuggglllyy!

I’m dreaming of a Breaking Dawn
Just like the one my mind has dreamed
There there’s no fade to black,
And romps in the sack,
With moans and “Yes! Yes!” loudly screamed.

I’m dreaming of a breaking dawn,
Where there’s no frolic in the woods,
No awful dress decision,
We saw from the bella vamp vision,
Just please, deliever the sexy silk dress goods.

I’m dreaming of a breaking dawn,
Where imprinting doesn’t seem so wrong,
Cus Jacob falls in love with a baby,
That’s gross, how could SM not see?
besides, what boy would wait that long?

I’m dreaming of a breaking dawn,
Where when we see renesmees born,
There’s less “what the f*ck” from the story,
We don’t need it to be so gory
Don’t wanna spew up my overpriced popcorn.

“The Summit Holiday Bash”

Calliopeblabs (yes HER again) paints a beautiful picture of the Summit Entertainment holiday party to the tune of “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” (Hear the original song here)

RSVP so we can know how many Hot Pockets to order

Hanging around the Open Bar
at the Summit holiday bash
you swoon cus DILFs are not too far
The Fach and Billy Sans copstashe

Walking over to the finger food
Rob and Kristen are diggin’ in
You hear them both shout in a cheery mood
“Hot Pockets for the Win!”

Moving around the crowded dancefloor
You’ll see Jackson covered in sweat
Grinding up on every last whore
While the monkeys “play” a set

Suddenly you get a pissed off feeling when you hear
Nikki screeching
“kristen’s a hoe; take me back rob I clearly can’t let go”

Get ready to get CRUNK with these old dudes!!

Listening in to bathroom noise
You’ll hear Ashley Greene admit
two lists of twi saga boys,
the ones she’s done and those shes yet to hit

TayTay get’s a warm and fuzzy feeling, when he sees Kellan walk in
“flexin his muscles; Crap! TayTay, no one is supposed to know”

lurking around the Christmas Tree
It’s a summit holiday
Everyone’s groping drunkenly
In a classic TwiCast way

Merry Christmas (again!) Thanks Calliope! XO

Love, UC & Moon

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

14 Responses

  1. ok… Who is joining me in the Cullen Christmas caroling? Great lyrics!!! You are spoiling all my Christmas songs!!

  2. Hrmphf! Too bad I came down with a cold and can’t sing – this would perk up the family holidays compared to God rest ye merry gentlemen and the Christmas Oratorio…and probably make the equal amount of sense to everyone involved… 😉

    Have a good holiday, ladies! Soon, soon I get to turn to page one of my New Moon 2010 Calendar… 🙂

  3. Ah…Carols of the Twi…dont forget your other seasonal classics…*breaks out festive tambourine*

    “I heard mummy pray for Paaatinson…Underneath her christmas tree last night” (for my twinsie)

    “Here comes Robsten here comes Robsten…Robsten all the way…Holding wri-ists as they ski-ip down a dark runway…” (dedicated to my porcupine)

    “He knows when u are perving…He knows it when u products printing out….chapter 5 of ‘Wide Awake'”….(For the Ninja Twi-lovers at work)

    (Frosty the Snowman for the wolf girls)
    “Oh no.. we’re busted…Hansen’s seen our files of porn..he’s been stalking us on twitter and skype for a case to build upon…bre-wing the iced tea…in a kiii-tchen he lurks….waiting for the girls who like young boys…have a seat…oh noes we’re furrr-ked…”

    “Oh Chris Weitz Dilf…Oh Chris Weitz Dilf…how intensely we love thee…u gave us jorts and volturi…an almost kiss and hot Charlie…Oh Chris Weitz Dilf…Oh Chris Weitz Dilf…I wish you’d direct BD…”

    and finally the all-time favourite…
    “I’m dreaming of a Twiiii…Christmas…where all the hot boys come to play….With an Ed thats sullen…or really..any Cullen….or wolf boy…let’s face it I’d like…Ta..Chaske…..”

    Imma stop before I start mentioning appendages that Shimmer cause I cant sing ’em without ma Sparkle…
    There’s a song in this hamster’s heart…
    Morning everybody!
    Happy Boxing Day!

  4. “No awful dress decision,
    We saw from the bella vamp vision…”


    OK, I’m off to sing “The Summit Holiday Bash” to my family and watch as they have NO IDEA what I’m talking about.

    Thank God LTT is here!

    PS: Calliope cracks me up every time!!

  5. 😉

  6. 😉 😉

  7. For serious.
    I’m ready to throw on my hypothetical New Moon scarf (which i didn’t get for Christmas) and go carolling.

    Who’s with me?
    Let’s go get first hand embarassed.


    • I am in this with you!!! yay!!!
      And you didn’t get a new moon scarf even though you wanted one? That sucks…

    • Ha, ha!! My neighbor wanted to start a lil neighborhood caroling group. I however felt this to be ultra lamespice. If we could sing these cullen carols, I would be all up on that business!!

      I hope all my sistas in Twi had a wonderful holiday!


  8. LoL

    What a way to start the day after Christmas!

    the lyrics are hilar!!

    Im never going to sing the real songs ever again!

  9. Awesome. Just awesome…..

    Thanks for the giggles everyone!

  10. I read the books and loved them but the movie franchise has taken the saga to a whole new level. Beautiful stars, stunning cinematics and a sound track that rocks, bringing Meyer’s series to life.

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