We’re so glad you’ve happened upon Letters to Twilight. We love you. That being said, if you’re new there’s probably a chance you’ve missed out on some jokes that we started a long time ago (If you wanna start at the beginning and read all the archives, we won’t stop you!). Here are the answers to some commonly asked questions, and we’ve included a glossary at the end that links to the first time we mentioned something that we now mention a lot. Happy Twilighting!
1. How many bowls of ice cream do you eat a day while you waste your lives writing ridiculous and crazy fan letters no one will ever read? Moon eats 3-4 and UC packs away 5-7, depending on the time of month. Wanna know our favorite flavors too? UC- Mint chocolate chip & Moon likes cherry-limeade.
2. Why do you act like Kellan Lutz is a former youth grouper & good Christian boy when he’s more likely a former Chippendales dancer? One time, in an interview, Kellan said his favorite book was The Purpose Driven Life. We loved learning this little bit about Kellan, and after Moon got the opportunity to see him interact with fans at a 100Monkeys show, we decided he wasn’t the former-model tool that he once seemed, but is a nice, kind guy- just like that hot guy from your youth group who never dated and was even nice to the slow, weird girls.
3. Do the cast members or does Stephenie Meyer actually ever come here? Yes.* They actually are the ones submitting most of the fan letters.
4. I don’t get it. You’re not funny: Then why are you here? If you don’t like us then leave. Have you ever heard of sarcasm? We use it.. a lot
5. Why are you guys so mean? First of all, that’s mean that you called us mean. Secondly, we’re actually really nice people in real life. But that being said, we tend to just say what we know everyone is really thinking. Believe us- there’s a lot more we want to say, but we actually hold back. This whole fangirl phenomenon is hysterical to us. Especially because we’re a part of it. So, we do what we can to poke fun of everyone, including ourselves. Nothing in the Twilight world is sacred to us, and we feel you have to be cruel to be kind!
6. What are your real lives like? Pretty great. UC is married with two kittens and lives in the Philly burbs. She does marketing & loves the internet. Moon lives in LA and doesn’t have cats but loves Hello Kitty a lot. She does marketing in the entertainment industry**. We met in college in 2002 and did not speak a word to each other. We became friends after college when we started talking, where else, online!
7. What’s with the fake lesbian’s? Have you seen all the old pics of Kristen Stewart & Nikki Reed all up in each other’s personal space? Does it remind you of T.A.T.U.? Ya know, the pretend lesbian vocal duo from Russia? We thought so too, so we starting calling them fake lesbians.
8. How do I contact a certain actor? We have no idea. You can google it.
9. How do I contact you to pay you millions of dollars to promote something on your site? Firstly, we only accept porn ads. Secondly, just kidding. E-mail us at email@example.com and we’ll talk. We are actually really professional girls and both work in internet marketing, so we know how it is. We love the advertisers we’ve had and they seem to love the results, so hit us up!
10. If I e-mail you, will you write back? Yes. We love to write people back and get to know our readers. That being said, sometimes it takes us awhile. Like 6-8 weeks awhile. So sit tight. We will write you eventually. Unless you come across so crazy and think you’re writing to “Twilight” (whoever that is) or Stephenie Meyer or something. Then we file you away in a special folder called “Crazies”
- 2nd hand embarrassment: Some times we get so embarrassed even though we didn’t do the embarrassing act…
- Big Daddy Lautner: Taylor Lautner’s dad- aka the “character” from our crazy Twi-life that we want to meet more than any other. We talk about him and his (made up or very possibly true) love for Fish-o-Filet sandwiches all the time.
- BobbyGee: BobbyGee is a male commenter (we think) on our site. He popped up late Summer 2009 with random comments that usually didn’t have to do with the post and a link to his blog. He seems to blog about futbol (aka soccer). He often comments ON the post now and cracks us all up with his comments.
- Breaking it down Vanity Fair Style: Have you watched the 1 hour long paparazzi-style video of Rob & Kristen from the Vanity Fair photo shoot for Twilight? It’s the reason we started this blog. Cuz we broke it down after we realized we both were lame enough to have watched it. Ps. That’s Normal
- Buttcrack Santa: Yep. The character from the movie. We love him
- Fake lesbians: The one, the only NReed & KStew
- Holy Trinity: Kristen, Taylor & Rob
- Jorts: Jean-Shorts. The wolfpacks outfit of choice. We.Love.This
- LTT: Letters To Twilight I know, we’re so smart.
- Wolfgirl: UC’s younger sister and future girlfriend to Taylor Lautner
- Oregano: Michael Arangano, Kristen Stewart’s boyfriend former boyfriend.
- TammyO: Tammy is the one and only commenter we banned. She said some pretty awful things to our readers & we don’t stand for that. So we give her what she wants- attention- and talk about her all.the.time. She’s kind of the mascot for haters.
- That’s Normal: A phrase we accidentally came up with but have adopted to justify our lifestyle. EVERYTHING is Normal on LTR… well, almost everything.
- Twilosophy: The philosophy of Twilight!
- Unicorn: The name given to the mythical creature of that of a man who loves Twilight. We write about them all the time
Have a question you’d like us to address in the FAQs? Email us and we’ll consider adding it. But we probably won’t, since we’re mean and all…
*No (Update as of 8/17/09: Stephenie Meyer apparently does read our site)
**Sounds shady like she’s in Adult Entertainment or something. She is. She markets Kellan’s Chippendale’s career.