News Dump: All the Twilight News fit to print, Monkey smell, Bree’s back and bitchface

Turn off your smell-o-vision

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time again… tons of tid bits of interesting info but not enough time to write letters about it all. That means it’s time for a news dump. We’ll let you know what we think about the news and you decide from there if you care that much about 100 Monkeys or how Tyler Houseman’s promo shoot turned out.

• If these pictures had a scratch-n-sniff function this post about Jackson and 100 Monkeys playing at Bamboozle would smell like BO, ear hair, vomit, a melted Slurpee, an ash tray full of wet cigarettes, a used sweat towel from Jr High gym class, and melted Depp hair gel. Yup, EXACTLY what it would smell like.

• Bill Condon is announced as the director for Breaking Dawn. No word on whether it will be one or two movies or 3D or not lame but he writes fans a letter and does get a few things right, he addresses us all as twihards, Twilight fans and Twilight Moms. *RECORD SCRATCH* ummm… BILL? We’re gonna need to talk about this later

• David Slade got into the #goo stuff Monday night and tweeted till he got the munchies and left. IN THE FUTURE disable all communication devices before lighting up. Just ask La Stew.

Wait, she wrote a book about ME?!!

• You know that girl baby vamp that no one really care about, but is apparently a big enough deal that Stephenie decided to write a whole book about just her, while Midnight Sun remains unfinished? Yea there’s a new picture of her as Bree.

• Probably one of the causes of Slade’s online hissy fit, Lainey Gossip posted lots and lots of gossip and speculation about what REALLY went on behind the scenes of the Eclipse reshoots or as officials are calling them “pick ups.” Personally, I’d like to think the cause of all the hub-bub is actually because of the helicopters Punk’d Images hired to get these grainy ass photos of Bella and Jacob out on a dock somewhere… speaking of wasn’t I just talking about Vancouver and docks?

• The New York City paparazzi show us that they’re big fans off LTT by yelling the most amazing comment ever at Kristen while on the Met Gala red carpet… witness and then crazy Krisbians you can yell at me in the comments

We’ll leave it up to you to decide whether that’s a curtain or a table cloth around the bottom of her dress

Biiiiiitch please, I gotta tattoo

• Promo shots for Eclipse are starting to circulate around the nets of The Cullens, The Holy Trinity and The Wolfpack. For what it’s worthy Leah has the best bitchface and rack hands down.

• NOKIA Theater was announced as the place for the Eclipse premiere, and then it wasn’t and then everyone was confused. And then it was back at Grauman’s Chinese Theater like it was supposed to be all along.

• Robert Pattinson still loves to choke a bitch out. And wear incredibly tight, ball hugging, high waisted pants. We love it. We don’t.

Yup, that’s the news… I’m still thinking about Bree and being called a Twi-hard by Bill Condon…

IN THE FUTURE the news will be beamed to our brains. THE FUTURE IS NOW!
Themoonisdown

So what do you think about Leah’s bitchface? Amazing, right? And her hot ass tatt. Has anyone gone to a recent 100 Monkeys concert? Did I get the smell right? It’s been quite a while for me.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

WAIT, Catherine Hardwicke could direct reshoots for Eclipse??

Coming to a TGIFridays this June!

Dear Eclipse,

I’m worried about you. Like, A LOT! First off it’s no secret you are my favorite. Sorry Twilight, New Moon, Midnight Sun (psst you’re 2nd!) and Breaking Dawn, but Eclipse just does it better. So I’ve got even more invested in this one than I usually do. But now there’s news (via Lainey) that there might be reshoots taking place in Vancouver in the next few weeks (quick to the Twi-mobile!) which isn’t totally disconcerting (ok, just a bit) since a lot of movies have to do this but the BIG gossip is that someone other than David Slade might direct these reshoots and that someone just might be CATHERINE HARDWICKE!!! (click that!)

Yes, the Cathy Hardi that gave us famous lines such as “Hold on tight, you little spider monkey.” Ugh, I retch just thinking about it. Yes, the Cathy Hardi that gave us the infamous slow motion ghetto Vampire run that made every person in the history of ever laugh out loud. Yes, the Cathy Hardi that gave us Edward’s sweaty-sparkling-pock-marked face. Yes, the Cathy Hardi that had milked the supposed “Rob and Kristen Twilight Audition Tape” for all it’s worth, which in reality is probably just her and Solomon Trimble running lines on your couch in Venice Beach.

A still from the "audition tape"

So forget the whole, “what about the directors vision?” “what about being true to the spirit of the story?” I’m downright scared half these reshoots are going to take place in a TGIFridays with the crew getting paid in all they can drink mucho margaritas and potato skins. Will the tent scene actually take place in the handicapped stall of the women’s bathroom while Edward and Bella get their leghitch on in the vinyl booth for a party of 10?

You see Eclipse, these are the things that will keep my up at night until it’s announced/leaked/rumored who really puts the finishing touches on you. Speaking of that it’s almost May and you come out in JUNE and they’re reshooting now?! HOLD ME, Eclipse, HOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!

In my happy place,
Themoonisdown

PS I need one of those cougarita’s right about now
PPS Time to start fasting and praying in earnest people. Earnest!

Seriously? Reshoots? WHY? Catherine? David? Chris? Moon and UC who should direct this stuff and who else needs me to pour them a cougarita?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Will Bill Condon direct Breaking Dawn, The Musical? I sure hope so!

If you only knew...

Dear Bill Condon,

Oh Bill Condon… oh Bill, Bill, Bill… if you only knew what you were getting yourself into… alas that is a letter for another day. We have more pressing matters to discuss today…

Of all the rumored directors being vetted for Breaking Dawn: Gus van Sant, Sofia Coppola, Fernando Meirelles and a few others your name seems to just keep coming up. Especially yesterday when we learned that you may be in talks/negotiations to direct BD. And I gotta say I’m super excited! For the general public they probably best know you from your film adaptations of the musicals Chicago and Dreamgirls*. As a HUGE nerd fan of musicals this has my head spinning. Because I’m sure, like me, there are tons of people out there thinking Breaking Dawn will be turned into a musical. A musical version of Breaking Dawn? YES PLEASE!!! Just imagine it…

We open with a wide shot of Forks with an incoming rain storm in the background. Charlie slowly drives the streets in his cop car singing a  “Patrolling in the Rain” type of song under his breath. Then the skies open up and it begins raining. Raining glitter, of course.

glitter, lots and lots of glitter!

Then we catch up with Bella singing about that dumb ol car as she gases up the Mercedes Guardian at the gas station and then uses the gas pump as a prop jump rope and sings “Only a Human, not yet a Vampire” as a man taps dances around the car inspecting it.

Later on we have the wedding scene which I imagine as a sort of Guys and Dolls Nathan and Adelaide getting married scene only set in the Cullens backyard while we cut to shots of Jacob running through the forest singing “Get me to the church Cullens on time.”

Then to celebrate their marriage we have a huge ensemble number, a re-imaging of “We’ve only just begun” with the Cullen family, Wolfpacks, humans, townspeople raising closed umbrella’s for them to walk through and then as they leave for the honeymoon, instead of throwing birdseed or rose petals the guests throw, what else? Glitter!

In honor of Stephenie Meyer’s ultimate cockblock, for the honeymoon  scene instead of fading to black the musical version of Breaking Dawn will have something very similar to “Contact” by Angel in Rent, where we don’t actually really see anything go down but we know it’s a big metaphor for sex. Yup, Stephenie you will still have your fade to black in the end.

Yup, twihards made this Bill. GET READY

Bella giving birth closes the first act . I imagine this like the scene (I think, theater nerds help me out) in Carousel when Billy is stabbed and instead of it being literally blood spurting, instead a red sheet slowly gets pulled out to symbolize her bleeding to death as Edward holds up Reneesme all Rafiki-holds-Simba-up-in-Lion-King like and then hands her to Rosalie as he launches into a gut wrenching soliloquy about possibly losing Bella all while Jacob cowers in the corner singing to himself quietly.

End of Act 1

Follow the cut to see what I dream up for Act 2, it’s a real show stopper, trust me

Open Weekend Post – Hosted by our reignited hope in Swiftner

It’s the weekend, time for an open post!

Dear LTT-ers,

Remember when we all fell in love with Swiftner? And then we ultimately had our Lisa Frank unicorn illustrated dreams crushed when they “broke up?” Well now they’re just messing with our emotions! The pair of them followed by a trail of rainbow hearts, dancing teddy bears and puffy stars went out for a little lunch in Beverly Hills! I know… I know… just try to remain calm. Let’s not get too excited here… I’ll let you enjoy this photo and this weekend and let the speculation run wild

Pitter patter goes my black heart,
Themoonisdown

So do you think they’re back on? Were they EVER on? Where’s Big Daddy? We know he doesn’t miss out on a good lunch date

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

The ‘ol switcheroo – Eclipse editor changes, what does it all mean?

Now playing: Editor roulette!

Dear Eclipse (is this your first letter?),

You’ve got a LOT of people up in arms… well make that Summit Entertainment has got a lot of people crazed and scared from the recent news about an editing switch on you. The Hollywood Insider (Entertainment Weekly) just reported that Art Jones, the editor for Eclipse has been replaced with Nancy Richardson the editor from Twilight. So of course this has everyone in the Twidom wondering what in the HALE is going on with you, Eclipse. What does this mean for the movie? Is it good, is it bad? Are we doomed to never see some Wolf on Vampire action?

So of course I went straight to my source for all editing information and news, MY BROTHER! As is our tradition here at LTT, he has a super special fake name which is pretty awesome. He is: Hatchet! Oh editing jokes, you are hilarious. So I went to the Hatchet cause I knew he’d level with me since he is a film editor himself, he has experience in such matters. I emailed him the post and said “give me your HONEST opinion, what does this mean?” And here is his response…

The Hatchet says*…

Well, I’d say it means the studio is not happy with the cut, so they brought in a new editor to look at the material with fresh eyes. Bad news for Eclipse?  Not always… Bringing in a new editor can really help make a movie better, but only if there’s good material in the footage they shot. However, it explains why there’s been no footage shown or even a teaser…

I’d love to know what’s actually going on behind the scenes, but I am only assuming there’s trouble in paradise.  There could be a rift between the studio and the director (aka creative differences), the film could not be testing well, or many other reasons. Remember, Summit has a ton of money on the line here both currently and in the future.  They have every right to make whatever personnel changes thy think will better the final film.  Replacing editors is somewhat common in Hollywood, but its interesting that this switch was publicized.

Bringing Slade in seemed like a move to give Eclipse a darker edge (which I’ve been told is the tone of the book).  I wonder if the studio is scared of it being too dark (aka not appealing to younger viewers) or simply wasn’t pleased with what Slade was bringing to the table any longer. If Slade was fired from the film, Art Jones, his editor, probably found himself in limbo.  Should he stay or should he go?  This is one option.

If Slade is still at the helm of Eclipse, it must have been hard for him to replace Jones, because the director-editor relationship is the most intimate of all of a films collaborations. And especially since Slade and Jones have had a good history.

Hollywood is a crazy place and the story behind this switch could be more or less dramatic than I’ve imagine.

However, I feel that if the movie was in really serious jeopardy, they’d bring a better editor than Richardson. She doesn’t exactly have an amazing list of credits and it sounds like she’s coming in because the studio feels comfortable with her (because of her work on the first film) and might just want someone to do their bidding.

Summit, if you want a real editor to come fix your film… Call Me!
Hatchet

Further proving our letter to David Slade earlier in the year when we asked where and when we were going to finally see some of his promised sneak peeks of the new film. So it looks as though some folks are’t so happy with the first cut of the movie but why is that? Could it be Slade’s darker style of film making? The studio wanting to cut a lighter version for it’s audience (you don’t need to, FYI!)? Or was it something else entirely different? We’ll never know until E!’s true Hollywood Story: The Twilight Saga comes out in like 1o years… so we came up with some fake possibilities:

Feel free to edit this hairline out, thx

• Was Bella’s wig just too unbelievable, even for a bunch of middle aged suits who probably don’t notice things like hair?

• Everyone one had their shirts on. Not enough shirtless men running around?

• Did Carlisle’s “Killers” shirt make it into the cut making him look like a crazy psycho murderer of local teen boys instead of the gentle town doctor?

• Was the tent scene a little too intense and we see Taylor copping a feel on Bella in the sleeping bag while Robert is preoccupied with the zipper on the tent door?

• Was Riley aka Xavier Samuel just too hot it was overshadowing the other dudes, whatever their names are Smaylor and Edmund?

• Everyone was breathing too regularly. Not enough gasps or lip biting to differentiate this as a Twilight film.

Yup, 2nd editor... 2 times the charm??

• Slade and Jones hadn’t picked a new color palette for Eclipse. Twilight had blue and New Moon went for earthy browns and green but Eclipse was just normal. FAIL.

So without being in the inner sanctum we’ll never know but thanks to the Hatchet we have a little better understanding that this isn’t necessarily a doom and gloom scenario. It could end up being a really good thing. Or it could end up tinted red. We’ll just have to see come June 30.

117 Days,
Themoonisdown

Give the Hatchet a big hand for lending his expert editing opinion! So what do YOU think? Does this make you nervil? Would you not go see Eclipse if it was “dark,” Do you have any speculations as to who they changed editors? SPILL!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

*Note: this is purely hypothesis and the Hatchet has ZERO connection to the films in anyway and this is speculation based purely on personal experience in the industry. Please take this as such. THX!*

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Twilight New Dump… a lot of football and a dry hump picture

Dear LTT-ers,

There’s lots of crap happening in the Twidom that probably should be mentioned but we don’t have time to write entire letters about… so it’s time for another news dump…

• Dear Kristen is that a… uh… “cold sore?” You, uh, might wanna get that checked out

• Should we start taking bets now on how long it takes before Ashley asks Tom Felton to show her his “vanishing cabinet?”

Why am I playing this American sport called football? Cause I'm CHUCK BASS!

• Remember when we talked about the Celebrity Beach Bowl? Sadly, they were NOT shirtless but Taylor sure wore some gloves. And I gotta ask, is this kid SERIOUS?! Look at the pictures of him running, jumping, lunging, diving. WTF? Did anyone else on the team do any work?

And then later…

• Really guys, you’re fighting over an introduction to Hilary Swank? She would probably knock you both out for being such pansies and not taking a picture with each other

Kellan talks about the support Calvin Kleins give him as well as the fact they “hold him together.” This should make me feel weird, right?

Follow the cut for some more news like dry humps in the meadow

Big Daddy & Taylor go to the Olive Garden “where they’re family”

Hmmmm I can almost taste "The Tour of Italy"

Dear Big Daddy,

I see that you convinced Taylor to go to the Olive Garden for a lunch of all-you-can-eat “Soup, Salad and Breadsticks” so that you can finally get that last punch on your frequent diner card. Free chocolate lasagna with you next meal here you come! It’s also nice that you swung by Santa Monica Ave to pick up a local tranny to participate in your “Launter for a day” charity that you started with the family. Every weekend the family picks up a stray tranny/hobo/Disney star to “adopt for the day” and show them what Lautner-style hospitality is really all about. What they don’t know if that for every diner you bring in you get an extra punch on your card, so really it’s cutting your time till you get the free dessert in half. You’re SO smart, no one could pull a “shocker” on you! You’re pretty much the reason Outback had to stop their frequent diner program, after a week of consecutive lunches with the cast of The Suite Life plus all the ladies from Jumbo’s Clown Room (look it up) they almost went bankrupt from giving out so many free Bloomin’ Onions. Way to stick it to the man!

LTT: Where you’re family,
Themoonisdown

Black v neck? Check! Shiteous Nikes? Check! Borrowed plaid shirt? FAIL!

Dear Taylor,

So either Rob gave his costars personalized shiteous Nike’s for Xmas or this is a not-so-silent plea for GQ to name you their number 1 Best Dressed Male in 2011. Well played friend, well played!

XO
Moon

Follow the cut for an extra special Saturday surprise… you should defs follow the cut if your name is UC

News on Breaking Dawn Production aka NO news on Breaking Dawn Production!

Dear Twilight and well, Breaking Dawn I suppose…

Today two posts came out referencing news behind the production of Breaking Dawn. While a few months ago we all thought making BD was a foregone conclusion and Summit was just waiting for New Moon to shatter box office records to make it official it’s been almost a month and a half since New Moon’s release and still no announcement. Since news on the twi front has been about as sparse as smiles at a KStew photoshoot, so any sort of news to come out will indefinitely make waves. But after reading both posts from the bitchtastic Ted C and a dude in his mom’s basement in North East Philly we learn… exactly… NOTHING. Why yes, it’s like a Robsten rumor… a lot of drama, a lot of words, a lot of retweets, a lot of “maybe’s” but no actual substance or truth. Someone at the LA Times spoke with producer Wyck Godrey and got this bit of totally evasive information regarding the splitting of BD into two films  “…If it’s not organic, I don’t think it will be done, and if it is, it will be…” Wow, heavy.

Breaking Dawn = tons more creepy images made by fans!

So we still don’t know if it will be made into two films (please say yes), whether Summit will hire geneticists to create a human vampire hybrid in their lair of doom (aka studio offices in Santa Monica) to play Renesmee, whether Taylor Lautner will in fact act out imprinting on a newborn baby, if Nikki Reed and KStew can patch up their differences long enough to play convincing as frenemies on screen, will Jacob and Leah spend 3/4ths of the movie running around the perimeter of the Cullen’s house “on patrol” thus reenacting the most boring parts of BD, will there be a behind the scene documentary on the making of Isle Esme which features all the “fade to black” scenes they cut out?

Sooooo many questions and ZERO answers.

Find out what we DO know about Breaking Dawn after the jump

Breaking Down Swiftner aka we heart Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift HARD!

How ridiculously perfect is this picture?! Seriously!

Dear LTT-ers and Robsteners,

We so get it now! After the pictures of the Taylors (aka Swiftner) came out this week and the ensuing letters I wrote to them UC and I fangirled out (it was mostly a lot of high pitched “oh-em-geeing) half the day about Swiftner and how much we loved them. I started watching the clips commenters posted in the letters to the Taylors post and I knew I had a new addiction. Here’s UC and I breaking it down…

The one where I “come out”
Moon: I officially sound like the Swiftner version of a robsten fan*
UC hahahahahahha and i like it SO much more!
Moon Yes, it’s not nearly as annoying or annoying at ALL
UC RIGHT! just cute!
Moon dude ive SO watched like 2 videos of him at her concert in Chicago. Stop me
UC: hahahahahhahaha love it!
Moon: people are posting them in the comments. She sings 15 in the audience in front of Taylor and then comes to hug the folks where he’s sitting and when she hugs him and the crowd goes nuts. its SOOO embarrassing. im embarrassed for them. and then they do that lingering hand holding thing as she walks away. Swiftner lives folks! hahahaha
UC: awwwww!!!! sooo cute!!!!
Moon its super cute
UC dude.. that’s amazing. Send me the link to the video

Moon: OMG!!! HAHAHA its even more embarrassing from this other angle
UC: Watching! Awwww!
Moon SO CUTE!
UC he’s like “i love you” SOO cute! what if he sang? i’d die if he started singing along with her!
Moon: HAHAHAH they need to do a duet. I hope taylor has seen taylors crappy student video

Follow the cut to see us have an epiphany and plot our Swiftner love blog

All the Twilight news that’s fit to print – Unicorns and lots of BooBoo’s

Xavier: I thought I was supposed to be deaf? Ash: Trust me, that excuse only works once!

Dear LTT-ers,

There comes a time every few weeks or so that we have to do a news dump because there’s simply too much news and not enough letters in the day. So here’s all the news we think you should know about but couldn’t cover.

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!
Themoonisdown

• Our BFF Ashley Greene gets a Twitter and proceeds to lull us to sleep with tweets of her sleeping habits and stories of buying dog food. There’s something to be said about keeping the mystery, isn’t there? Love you BFF!

• Dude, Xavier did you forget what I told you to say if Jackson invited you to a 100 Monkeys show!? Did he not think you were deaf or sick with food poisoning? In other news, HIGH FIVE for going with Ashley, maybe you’ll be the lucky SOB to finally figure out she’s a hot piece, while the rest of that numbnuts cast wonders why they don’t have a girlfriend, or why theirs smells of grease.

• Both Melissa Rosenberg and Justin Chon dish that Eclipse will be a much “darker” film. No really? This is the book in that saga that contains the story of Jasper’s shady past, killing innumerable people, the turning and training of a newborn vampire army, the rape of Rosalie at the hands of her fiance, and fight training all culminating in arguably the saga’s most satisfying moment of conflict: the battle. So “dark,” you say? NO DUH!

Jacob hungry! Me want filet-o-fish!

• New Moon Action figures go on sale at Hot Topic. Is it just us or does Jacob look a little “special” in the face?

• Little Jacky is photographed with a boo-boo (not the kid playing Seth) Tuesday. No one knows whether it was his hand, his head or that terrible wig that was injured. I’m hoping he broke his hand after punching out the wig department after he saw his reflection in the mirror. Jackson Rathbone-r: kicking ass and NOT taking names!

• Little BooBoo Stewart gets his first tattoo! Awww, they grow up so fast, don’t they? How friggin cute is this kid?!

Follow the cut for more news, shirtless Kellan and Jackson the Unicorn!