CHOOSE! Just make a decision already!!

You're trying my patience!

You're trying my patience!

Dear Bella, in Eclipse chapters 22-25 (well actually most of the book)-

I kinda freaking HATE you.

Your inability to make a decision and almost hairpin waffling between Edward and Jacob makes me want to punch your dumb, whiney high school face. You finally have your supposed DREAM MAN back, he’s pledged his forever love to you, has asked you to marry him and promises to “TRY” (ahem) after he HIMSELF turns you into a vampire and yet you’re going back to fool around with Jacob!?

I cheer every time when you have a flippin moment of clarity and finally say “Edward would never see me shed another tear for Jacob Black” (517). And then I inevitably want to throw the book across the room when a page later you’re begging Edward to help you find Jacob, he does you beg him not to fight and then your “brain disconnects from your body and you’re kissing (Jacob) back” (527). DOUBLE U-TEE-EF!!!??? First, are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?? Second, if you don’t want Edward I will gladly take him off your incapable hands, just let me know when to pick him up, you idiot.

After reading through New Moon again and completely identifying with your depression and near insanity over losing Edward, followed by giving Jacob mad props for being a good friend to your catatonic self and then rejoicing with you when you finally get Edward back. Eclipse makes me almost inclined to say you don’t DESERVE either of them after all this nonsense.

not worth it boys...

not worth it boys...

I think the worst part, well one of the worst, was when Edward comes back after you’ve kissed Jacob and you’re in the tent crying about how retarded you are. Cause you should be! It’s that split moment between him asking you what’s wrong and then ‘seeing’ it happen in Jacob’s mind, through Seth. AHH!! I can’t even imagine that, seeing the person you’re in love with cheating (for all intents and purposes) on you right in front of your face! It’s one thing for them to tell you it happened, but to be face to face with the actual crime. And of course Jacob’s very VIVID memory and imagination probably only made it worse. The kicker is that Edward totally forgives you because he thinks Jacob was “playing dirty” and you were just the victim. Sweet innocent you. OHH HAAALE nah! It takes two to tango my friends, as my mom would say. Though Edward is a good person and forgives you, I wish he’d have let it ride for a few minutes and let you feel guilty about it. But he is Edward and he is too good.

We all love a good love triangle, who will she choose? Who’s best for her? But after a while Bella, you just come off looking like a pathetic cruel MEAN girl. The good thing is you recognize that in yourself… the sucky thing is sometimes I think it might be too late. I don’t know if it’s possible to ‘have your cake and eat it too.’ Maybe you should figure that out. Before I LOSE my mind reading this again. GOD.

Wishing I could reach through the book and slap some sense into your head… (who’s with me?!)
Themoonisdown

PS Start studying up kids… I have an Eclipse Twilosophy session brewing.

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To Michael Oregano:

michael-arangano

cute little italian spice

Dear Michael Arangano,

Hey. I know I haven’t been the nicest to you in the past, so I’m writing to apologize. Plus you’re kinda cute in this picture, and that’s the first time I’ve thought that. So good job.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling kinda bad for you with all the tweens of the world hoping for a KStew + RPattz hook-up and all. That’s really gotta suck, especially when you’re competing with this guy. 

edward

this guy is hotter than you, just sayin'

So, I wanna let you know I’m on your side. I’m really, really hoping you and Kristen pull through all the drama and the (at least) two more Twilight-saga  movies she’s gotta do and stay in love ‘n stuff. And I’m not just saying that b/c I’m selfish and want her to keep her grimey little hands off of Rob.  Well, I’m 90% saying that b/c I don’t want her touching Rob, but 10% of me just doesn’t want to see true love fail, ya know?

I know what you’re asking. Why now, UnintendedChoice? Why all the love when all this time you’ve made fun of me for how I look, for the fact that I was in Seabiscuit and called me Michael Oregano? It’s a fair question because I didn’t think this day would come, but I kind of got a glimpse of how you feel on a daily basis with all this Kris/Rob shizzat when I saw this picture last night: 

robert_pattinson_and_kristen_stewart_in_bed

they were just playing 'sleep-over' no, she was helping him wax his chest, no, they were in alaska in the wilderness and he took off her shirt to save her life...

Those are some CRAZY fans with CRAZY photoshopping skillz. (Source) and I’ll be honest, for a split second I thought it was real (and his hair is SHORT, so you know it was recent) until I realized Perez posted that pic of his face last week.

So, I feel awful for you (and for me- how do you think I feel seeing Rob in bed with a ho beautiful young woman?) and wanted to let you know I’m on Team Michael Oregano (it’s a cute name, I’m not stopping, take what you can get) Oh- and yesterday I randomly came across Robert/Kristen fan fiction (yep, not Edward/Bella fan fiction, but a love story about ROBERT AND KRISTEN) No, I will not post the link because it’s too 2nd hand embarassing (well, it’s 90% b/c it’s 2nd hand embarassing and 10% because I’m embarassed that I read all 9 chapters at work.)

Also, I wanted to let you know that apparently Kristen is preggers, although I think it’s probably Michael Welch’s baby. You know he and Kristen were playing “Bella decides to stay human and has a boring life with Mike Newton” in her trailer.

please inform your gf that her hand looks like a man's hand

please inform your gf that her hand looks like a man's hand

K bye,
UnintendedChoice

The rarest type of Unicorn

In continuing with our Unicorn series, we had a real-life friend submit her find. (By ‘real-life-friend’ we mean someone we’ve actually met opposed to become bff’s over the internet with. Cuz despite the fact that we spend all our time on here, we actually have real lives. We use our real lives to stalk Rob, but they are real…)

The Rarest Type of Unicorn of them all:

What is this unicorn I speak of? Well it’s not just your average Twilight reading male. No no. This male not only reads Twilight but he shares his love of it with other males and tries to convince them to read it as well! I know what you’re thinking- you thought this unicorn didn’t exist, that it was the sort of thing fantasies are made of. And I know what your next thought is, he must be gay. But he’s not! I know him personally, I’ve met his girlfriend, and aside from the occasional pink polo shirt, there isn’t anything that would make you question his sexuality.

I came to find out about this unicorn’s love for Twilight from one of the males that he tried to convince to read it. He was not convinced, and dare I say, appalled at the thought. In an interview with this gentleman he was quoted as saying, “It made me wonder what vibe I had given off that would make him think I would appreciate Twilight, let alone read it?!” I think we can all agree that this would be the reaction of most males. So for more information, I had to go to the source…

I sent a casual email to him saying, “so I hear you’re a twilight fan. Is that true?” His response went above and beyond anything I could have possibly imagined. I think that rather than paraphrasing it would be better for me to just give you the word for word:

“Hahah twilight is awesome! I read the book and watched the movie.  You probably think I am weird but I learned bellas lullaby on piano too hahaha.” 

Really, what else can I say? I imagine that his response has left you as dumbfounded as I was. I feel privileged for uncovering such a rare gem, and I hope that you have enjoyed my discovery. This is my first contribution for letters to twilight. I wanted my first one to be something special, and I think it was. But just to put a little extra icing on the cake, the unicorn let me take his picture. Which isn’t surprising, because if you’re willing to talk to guys about it, you sure as hell know you’ll put it out there for girls 🙂

Peace. -JPo

(

Sorry girls, this Unicorn is taken 😦

Just a thought, wouldn’t it be heavenly if we got THIS Unicorn together with theMoonisDown’s guy friend who loves to talk Twilight? They could play Bella’s Lullaby on the piano while discussing Kristen Stewart’s facial espressions- with their moms! 

One picture, Two takes: a blogger divided

kswhipTake 1 –

Dear Kristen –

I’m usually not your biggest fan (as you might know, if you read these other letters, seriously they’re for your own good!) but I saw this picture on TMZ (gross i KNOW!) and I had to stop and give you props, cause dang girl you’re keeping it real with that car. You could waste mad money on some car you won’t ever drive cause you’re on location making movies or just to keep up a fake appearances like so many other Hollywood dbags, but you don’t. A refreshing move in a city full of facades.


Me

KStew riding dirrrtay

KStew riding dirrrtay

Take 2-

Dear Kristen-

You don’t need to show us how “real” you are. We get it, you’re down with “the people” and you’re not enslaved to “the man,” by such superficial things like cars.

But honey, you might think about investing some of your weed money into a safer ride instead of smoking it up. Just a thought.

Oh and can you please move your shit-whip, it’s in my way and I need to fill up.

Thanks,
Me

I can paint with all the colors of the wind

new-moon-cover1Dear Vancouver, British Columbia,

Hello. My name is UnintendedChoice, and I wanted to introduce myself because I am coming to visit you really soon. Actually, it’s a good idea for us to become bff’s because you’ll be seeing a lot of me in the upcoming months, starting on Sunday, February 8, from 9am-12pm at the Second Ave Studios.

You see, I have what we call an acute fondness for Robert Pattinson (not to mention a sorta unhealthy obsession of looking at this picture of Taylor Lautner),

uhhh.... what's the age of consent?

and I will do whatever it takes to be in his next film (Yes, I’ll even miss my grandfather’s 90th birthday party- but shh, I’ll be feigning a migraine that day)

There is a mysterious casting call that has popped up all over the web, and this is the reason for my visit. I know, I know, you see a few problems with my reasoning, right? Well, let me assure you, I know what I am doing:

  1. You don’t even know that this audition is for New Moon. Oh yeah? Do YOU know of another major motion picture being filmed in your city from mid-March to the end of May requiring the expertise of “First Nation” actors? Yeah, didn’t think so.
  2. Okay. You’re not a First Nation/Aboriginal actress. That’s why they call it ACTING, people. I can do it. Pocahontas was my favorite movie as a child. One of my best friends is 1/32nd Native American. I live in Pennsylvania near the Skukyll and Delaware rivers. I threw up in Lake Lenape when I was 7 years old. Another friend went to Susquehanna University, and my high school’s mascot was an INDIAN for God’s sakes! UPDATE: theMoonisDown just informed me her grandpa is 1/4 NA and she grew up in the state with the MOST reservation land in the country. This makes me even more qualified!
  3. …You have pale white skin… Ugh, such minor details! I will hit up the Tantopia every day until the audition. Did I forget to mention I think John Smith is the most smokin’ of all the Disney male characters? That’s gotta help me, right?

On second thought.. I do really have pale white skin. I wonder…. you know how there’s all this spectulation going around about what Edward/Rob will be doing during New Moon and how they’re going to make sure he’s still a “main part” of the movie without ruining the integrity of the book?  Well, he visits Tanya in Alaska, right? And Tanya loves Eddie….and they need more Eddie in the movie… and Tanya probably attempts to kiss Eddie while he’s visiting and/or bite his neck and/or wrestle him to the ground/snow while possibly sticking her hand down his pants to distract him from missing Bella..and Tanya has pale white skin.. and so do I.. OMG! GET CHRIS WEITZ ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.  I am a GENIUS!

See you soon,
UnintendedChoice aka Emily, err, Tanya xoxo

Fan Art award

Dear Twilight,

"your skin is pale white and ice cold..."

"your skin is pale white and ice cold..."

Today we present our first “Fan Art” winner, Adrienne Trafford. We stumbled across Adrienne’s art blog after she left us a comment on one of our posts.  Not only is she an amazing artist, but we think she likes Twilight too!

She’s probably going to cringe at my interpretation of this piece, but since it was posted on her site with the caption I threw under the picture, I’m going to say that this is Bella, after her transformation into a vampire. Maybe Adrienne can provide us with more details, if I’m completely off!

Congrats, Adrienne- thanks for your art & for checking out our blog! You win an opportunity to catch one of Emmett’s fly balls during baseball. If you do, Edward promises to ravish you with kisses.

Xo,
UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown

All this and class too!

hot sauce!

hot sauce!

Dear Rachelle and Ashley-

If I was going to be a fake lesbian I’d totally choose you ladies.

You’re hot, wear awesome clothes, and you’re doing photo calls next to DIAMOND necklaces looking like extras from Mad Men (best show ever, just sayin). Now that’s what I call classy. You two seem like real gals gals AND girls who can be real with the boys too. And if you can do that, you are girls after my own heart.

Rachelle, I am in love with your hair… two hairdo’s ago I had your hair color and I kick myself every day for going darker. Being a redhead is my true calling in life, and you are a beacon in all this bleach blond playboy hair nonsense in California.

ashleyrachelle021

shoooooes!

Ashley, I heard that after you did this photo event you were spotted out with a friend getting pizza in jeans and tshirts. I think we’re meant to be BFF’s ladies. FYI

Ok can we all take a moment and look at THE SHOES. And the POCKET on the dress?!

Moment over.

Carry on ladies, CARRY ON!

Wishing we could share closets,
Themoonisdown

PS I TOLD you we’d get to some Twi-girl loving!

(clickify to enlarge all this girly goodness)