News Dump: All the Twilight News fit to print, Monkey smell, Bree’s back and bitchface

Turn off your smell-o-vision

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time again… tons of tid bits of interesting info but not enough time to write letters about it all. That means it’s time for a news dump. We’ll let you know what we think about the news and you decide from there if you care that much about 100 Monkeys or how Tyler Houseman’s promo shoot turned out.

  • If these pictures had a scratch-n-sniff function this post about Jackson and 100 Monkeys playing at Bamboozle would smell like BO, ear hair, vomit, a melted Slurpee, an ash tray full of wet cigarettes, a used sweat towel from Jr High gym class, and melted Depp hair gel. Yup, EXACTLY what it would smell like.
  • Bill Condon is announced as the director for Breaking Dawn. No word on whether it will be one or two movies or 3D or not lame but he writes fans a letter and does get a few things right, he addresses us all as twihards, Twilight fans and Twilight Moms. *RECORD SCRATCH* ummm… BILL? We’re gonna need to talk about this later
  • David Slade got into the #goo stuff Monday night and tweeted till he got the munchies and left. IN THE FUTURE disable all communication devices before lighting up. Just ask La Stew.

Wait, she wrote a book about ME?!!

  • Probably one of the causes of Slade’s online hissy fit, Lainey Gossip posted lots and lots of gossip and speculation about what REALLY went on behind the scenes of the Eclipse reshoots or as officials are calling them “pick ups.” Personally, I’d like to think the cause of all the hub-bub is actually because of the helicopters Punk’d Images hired to get these grainy ass photos of Bella and Jacob out on a dock somewhere… speaking of wasn’t I just talking about Vancouver and docks?
  • The New York City paparazzi show us that they’re big fans off LTT by yelling the most amazing comment ever at Kristen while on the Met Gala red carpet… witness and then crazy Krisbians you can yell at me in the comments


We’ll leave it up to you to decide whether that’s a curtain or a table cloth around the bottom of her dress

Biiiiiitch please, I gotta tattoo

  • Promo shots for Eclipse are starting to circulate around the nets of The Cullens, The Holy Trinity and The Wolfpack. For what it’s worthy Leah has the best bitchface and rack hands down.
  • Robert Pattinson still loves to choke a bitch out. And wear incredibly tight, ball hugging, high waisted pants. We love it. We don’t.

Yup, that’s the news… I’m still thinking about Bree and being called a Twi-hard by Bill Condon…

IN THE FUTURE the news will be beamed to our brains. THE FUTURE IS NOW!
Themoonisdown

So what do you think about Leah’s bitchface? Amazing, right? And her hot ass tatt. Has anyone gone to a recent 100 Monkeys concert? Did I get the smell right? It’s been quite a while for me.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

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Reshoots in Vancouver? What could POSSIBLY need to be reshot? Oh, I know…

Dear David Slade,

We’re 70 days out from Eclipse. SEVENTY. We’ve had one trailer (I think), a few stills, a lot of drama & rumor after rumor about so much stuff I can’t keep facts and rumors straight anymore.

Remember us?

Let’s think back to what was going on 70 days before New Moon released. I did a calculation (literally I checked it like 12 times & I’m probably still wrong) and figured out that was on September 10, 2009 (you remember, around our 10 month 9 month anniversary!)

70 days ago, Moon broke down ALL the best news in 10 words of less, signing off her Death Cab for cutie news section with my all-time favorite moonism ever:

Dear Chris Walla of Death Cab,
I think I’m in love, you called Edward an “A-hole.”

I will follow you into the dark,
Moon

We had the New Moon trailer released at the MTV movie awards and the LA times New Moon insider pictures. David you started your infamous twit pics of shadowy shapes of nature & pieces of grass, we had a soundtrack preview and more Jortspack pictures than we could handle. We were inundated with New Moon mania.

Sure, Chris Weitz is a DILF and you can’t compete with that- he rode the Summit PR train like Cathy Hardi rides Rob in her dreams. Eclipse WAS still filming during New Moon mania giving us double overload with Summit-released saga info as well as fan released Eclipse goods. And we know you’re doing reshoots in the upcoming days, so maybe you just don’t have anything good enough to give us. And speaking of reshoots, let’s vamp (ha!) on that for a second. Summit came out and acted like it wasn’t a big deal saying there were no major scenes to be re-shot. I think I’m gonna call your bluff. Not a big deal? We’re 70 days out- you’re in full on editing mode and there are some changes big enough that flying a few cast members to Vancouver is necessary? I’M GONNA CALL THAT A BIG DEAL.

As I’ve been kept awake late into the night thinking about WHY you might possibly need to re-shoot some scenes I’ve come up with only one possible explanation: You’re finally convinced the LEGHITCH is important and your half-assed attempt at it wasn’t good enough

We don't want any of your fancy-pants new dry humping in the meadow

You’ve been hearing our cry for a year now. You’ve seen our threatening tweets. Sure you didn’t believe us in the beginning and you tried some fancy new dry-hump scene where Bella feels the special tingles down there for the first time and tried to play it off as the leghitch, but that’s not what we asked for. That’s not what we need. It was simple. It was our only request- It’s the mother effing leghitch. And if my speculation is right and that IS why you’re going back up to Couve, then by all means, get it done, son! But just in case that wasn’t your plan and the LEGHITCH the RIGHT WAY still isn’t a part of the movie…… Here are some things I promise to do if there’s not a mother effing LegHitch, just the way we want it:

  1. Make cardboard cut outs of Chris Weitz & you and note the difference in their height with a big ass sign above their heads saying “BIG MAN vs SMALL MAN.” Then I will sleep out for as many days necessary to get up in the FRONT of the red carpet at the premiere where I can display my cut-outs proudly
  2. Boycott your movie (aka only see it once OR buy tickets for Sex in the City 2 and sneak into Eclipse without paying)*
  3. Track down your home address & give it to Catherine Hardwicke, telling her you were hoping she’d ‘stop by for a visit,’ margaritas in hand, to retell the story of how she was responsible for the love affair that is Robsten. If you’re extra bad I’ll tell her you want to help her make a new Robsten video for You Tube.
  4. Cut the blades of grass you were so adamant about taking pictures of during filming. You have a love affair with nature? Watch what I do to nature. Snip, snip.
  5. I will convince the VPs at Summit (and I’m VERY convincing (read: I got a new shirt that shows off the ‘girls’ real well)) that you want to direct Breaking Dawn SO badly that you’re willing to do it for free.

Half-assed attempt? Or the REAL deal?

So to recap, Eclipse is coming up SOON (70 days, 70 days) and I feel like we know very little about it. I’m scared to hear you’re doing some reshoots so late in the game, yet encouraged if they are to fix major issues that will give us a frownsmile if they are allowed in the final cut. If you HAD other plans for your time in Vancouver and you DON’T currently have an amazing leghitch scene of epic proportions currently shot, then I suggest you quick grab a couple sheets of screenplay paper & your teeny, tiny pencil and write us a mother effing leghitchscene to end all leg hitch scenes

Or else.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Are you nervous they are doing reshoots? Are you still afraid we’re not going to get the leghitch we all dream of? Is this top priority on our fasting & praying list?

*once in college I snuck into a 2nd movie after paying for the first one with some friends & I still live with the guilt, so I probably won’t be doing option #2

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WAIT, Catherine Hardwicke could direct reshoots for Eclipse??

Coming to a TGIFridays this June!

Dear Eclipse,

I’m worried about you. Like, A LOT! First off it’s no secret you are my favorite. Sorry Twilight, New Moon, Midnight Sun (psst you’re 2nd!) and Breaking Dawn, but Eclipse just does it better. So I’ve got even more invested in this one than I usually do. But now there’s news (via Lainey) that there might be reshoots taking place in Vancouver in the next few weeks (quick to the Twi-mobile!) which isn’t totally disconcerting (ok, just a bit) since a lot of movies have to do this but the BIG gossip is that someone other than David Slade might direct these reshoots and that someone just might be CATHERINE HARDWICKE!!! (click that!)

Yes, the Cathy Hardi that gave us famous lines such as “Hold on tight, you little spider monkey.” Ugh, I retch just thinking about it. Yes, the Cathy Hardi that gave us the infamous slow motion ghetto Vampire run that made every person in the history of ever laugh out loud. Yes, the Cathy Hardi that gave us Edward’s sweaty-sparkling-pock-marked face. Yes, the Cathy Hardi that had milked the supposed “Rob and Kristen Twilight Audition Tape” for all it’s worth, which in reality is probably just her and Solomon Trimble running lines on your couch in Venice Beach.

A still from the "audition tape"

So forget the whole, “what about the directors vision?” “what about being true to the spirit of the story?” I’m downright scared half these reshoots are going to take place in a TGIFridays with the crew getting paid in all they can drink mucho margaritas and potato skins. Will the tent scene actually take place in the handicapped stall of the women’s bathroom while Edward and Bella get their leghitch on in the vinyl booth for a party of 10?

You see Eclipse, these are the things that will keep my up at night until it’s announced/leaked/rumored who really puts the finishing touches on you. Speaking of that it’s almost May and you come out in JUNE and they’re reshooting now?! HOLD ME, Eclipse, HOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!

In my happy place,
Themoonisdown

PS I need one of those cougarita’s right about now
PPS Time to start fasting and praying in earnest people. Earnest!

Seriously? Reshoots? WHY? Catherine? David? Chris? Moon and UC who should direct this stuff and who else needs me to pour them a cougarita?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

David Slade Protection Program

I can’t tell you how much it pains me that it’s almost time to retire talk of the DILF (Don’t worry- We’re not done yet. I’ve still to watch the commentary) I’m really not ready to start discussing David Spade Slade. But the reality is, it’s his time to shine. So while I prepare some positive things to say about his short, hardcore-ness, let’s kick off letters to David Slade with the following fan letter:

Arrrgghh! I'm so hardcore

Dear LTT,

Per your request and my need to dig deep into my subconscious, I’m writing about my recent revelation of my odd protective nature of Mr. Slade. Maybe it’s because he’s just so little and I want to put him in my pocket and shield him from the world. But then, why do I need to protect a man who makes dark, scary movies (Mike Welch confirms) and brought the wrath of twilight nation upon himself when he so eloquently said he’d rather shoot himself in the head than watch Twilight?

I must confess that I’ve never judged him for that statement (I’m pretty much realistic and well aware of civilian stance on all matters of the Twi). All I thought is Eclipse is my favorite book of the saga and I want it dark and edgy. So, when I’ve seen trailers for his previous movies, I was confident about his direction of this one. Never once did I doubt him (well, that’s not entirely true, those weird code tweets made me wary of both his sanity and/or motives). And I’ve witnessed the doubt of the Twi-nation. The fear. Whilst, the only fear that I had was that they’ll make him bend to their will and make a mushy, colorful chick flick.

And I am still elbows deep in decoding his tweets. Are they cries for help? Are they insults to twi-fans? Are they eff you’s to Summit? Are they little people language? Are they secret conversing with Cougar Cathy? Or are they just landscape in tweet mode?

Sup fellow Libras!

And you know, lil’ Dave, bless him, is a Libra. And I am fiercely protective of my fellow Librans. They’re my people. So maybe I’m a little bias. So what? That’s another reason why I worry. Librans are generally indesicive and are inclined to diplomatic solutions in order to satisfy everyone around them. Is Dave a pushover? He did extend his invitation to that lady in the sneak peak to hit him in the head. I wish I had his natal chart on hand so that I can rest assure there are other planets that will even this out. I asked him via twitter to ring his mum and ask her the exact hour and minute of his birth but as of press time got no response.

My fear only increased when news broke about replacing his editor, the dude that worked with him on all of his movies. I saw red and thought: the a-holes of Summit are messing with my man, Dave. I will not allow that. They better let him do his dark thing. Another thought about his dark tendencies.. maybe it’s a defense mechanism. If people perceive him as this dark, scary director, no one will pick on him. Or maybe when the lighting is just right, his shadow appears much taller than he is. So, you see.. Eclipse has to be dark and scary, otherwise his reputation will shrink to his actual size.

So, my favorite twi-girls, what do you think? Do you think we should maybe make inspirational notes for Dave? A protection program? Do you think it’s a matter of horoscope loyalty? [Btw, I’ve always wondered why there has never been an in-depth sign profiling of the cast. That may or may not be the first thing I looked up when I became hooked. Did you know that Stew and Jackson are one of the most compatible ones? And while we’re at fun facts, did you know TomStu’s middle names are Sidney Jerome?]

Hugs & kisses,
Gizmo

Gizmo I did NOT know about TomStu’s middle names but the fact you did is…. well, That’s Normal!

What do you think? Are you worried about David Slade? Think he will be TOO dark for Eclipse? Think he will be just right? Are YOU protective of David Slade? Do you STILL accidentally call him David Spade like I do?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Breaking it down: Eclipse Sneak peek, threesomes, S&M workouts and Chippendales

Dear Eclipse Sneak Peek,

You’re just TOO good, too full of lol’s and wtf’s for us to let you pass by without breaking it down. All 5+ minutes. Yup, we’re breaking down the Eclipse sneak peek and away we go…

Moon: ok  here it is!

UC: let’s mother effing DO THIS
Moon: Wait, DUDE the little chocolatiers promo AGAIN!i love it.ok, I’m ready
UC: DAMN RILEY IS HOT
Moon: dude im so glad they got someone on etsy to make the clacker thingy that marks in the time for a scene
UC: aww david slade- so small, gay… short..
Moon: ps same cinematopgrapher as NM just saw that. so there will be SOME sort of continuity


UC: KELLAN HAS MAN BOOBS, I stopped it ON HIS BIG ASS BOOBS that are bigger than mine
Moon: THERES SO MUCH What, where are the boobs!?
UC: Haha he stands up like 29/30 major boobage
Moon: why is kellan wearing an off the shoulder top?
UC: I HAVE THAT SHIRT
Moon: like he took his sweatshirt and cut off the neckband
UC: he was at an 80s party earlier that day
Moon: he should be jazzercising or getting “physical” with Olivia Newton John and not kicking nomad vampire ass
UC: he needs a bra
Moon: you think he does that exercise from Judy Blume novels? “i must i must i must increase my bust” at night since like vampires dont sleep and he has nothing else to do
UC: yes, and it works but not for me. He has a perfect woman. with a big bust herself and he’s jealous she’s not always there… for him to caress the chest so … he grew his own
Moon: hahaha he can feel himself up
c

wait, Victoria's after BELLA?!

Moon: i just want to hear xaviers voice again. he better have a big part in the press for this
UC: um i think he will. look at his face it’s hot
UC: okay… this is seriously beating a dead horse…poor horse…but can we once and for all get it out of our system and LAMENT over Kristen’s awful wig?
Moon: HAHAHA and bryce’s while we’re at it. I feel bad she had to do an interview wearing it
Moon: at 38 she and david slade are having the most intense staring contest. i bet she won
UC: i THINK that Taylor just found out WHY victoria is upset he’s like…. “Bella is the reason that victoria is mad. SHe basically KILLED james” he had like a lightbulb go off in this interview..
Moon: he’s like DUDE thats why??!! and he turns around to ask kristen off camera and shes like DUH, haven’t you read this crap yet? So they cut to her and Kristen’s has to explain it
UC: nope- he’s too busy with his ka-rah-tay to have actually read the books
c
Follow the cut for threesomes, Rob running on the hampster wheel and the REAL story behind Eclipse
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The ‘ol switcheroo – Eclipse editor changes, what does it all mean?

Now playing: Editor roulette!

Dear Eclipse (is this your first letter?),

You’ve got a LOT of people up in arms… well make that Summit Entertainment has got a lot of people crazed and scared from the recent news about an editing switch on you. The Hollywood Insider (Entertainment Weekly) just reported that Art Jones, the editor for Eclipse has been replaced with Nancy Richardson the editor from Twilight. So of course this has everyone in the Twidom wondering what in the HALE is going on with you, Eclipse. What does this mean for the movie? Is it good, is it bad? Are we doomed to never see some Wolf on Vampire action?

So of course I went straight to my source for all editing information and news, MY BROTHER! As is our tradition here at LTT, he has a super special fake name which is pretty awesome. He is: Hatchet! Oh editing jokes, you are hilarious. So I went to the Hatchet cause I knew he’d level with me since he is a film editor himself, he has experience in such matters. I emailed him the post and said “give me your HONEST opinion, what does this mean?” And here is his response…

The Hatchet says*…

Well, I’d say it means the studio is not happy with the cut, so they brought in a new editor to look at the material with fresh eyes. Bad news for Eclipse?  Not always… Bringing in a new editor can really help make a movie better, but only if there’s good material in the footage they shot. However, it explains why there’s been no footage shown or even a teaser…

I’d love to know what’s actually going on behind the scenes, but I am only assuming there’s trouble in paradise.  There could be a rift between the studio and the director (aka creative differences), the film could not be testing well, or many other reasons. Remember, Summit has a ton of money on the line here both currently and in the future.  They have every right to make whatever personnel changes thy think will better the final film.  Replacing editors is somewhat common in Hollywood, but its interesting that this switch was publicized.

Bringing Slade in seemed like a move to give Eclipse a darker edge (which I’ve been told is the tone of the book).  I wonder if the studio is scared of it being too dark (aka not appealing to younger viewers) or simply wasn’t pleased with what Slade was bringing to the table any longer. If Slade was fired from the film, Art Jones, his editor, probably found himself in limbo.  Should he stay or should he go?  This is one option.

If Slade is still at the helm of Eclipse, it must have been hard for him to replace Jones, because the director-editor relationship is the most intimate of all of a films collaborations. And especially since Slade and Jones have had a good history.

Hollywood is a crazy place and the story behind this switch could be more or less dramatic than I’ve imagine.

However, I feel that if the movie was in really serious jeopardy, they’d bring a better editor than Richardson. She doesn’t exactly have an amazing list of credits and it sounds like she’s coming in because the studio feels comfortable with her (because of her work on the first film) and might just want someone to do their bidding.

Summit, if you want a real editor to come fix your film… Call Me!
Hatchet

Further proving our letter to David Slade earlier in the year when we asked where and when we were going to finally see some of his promised sneak peeks of the new film. So it looks as though some folks are’t so happy with the first cut of the movie but why is that? Could it be Slade’s darker style of film making? The studio wanting to cut a lighter version for it’s audience (you don’t need to, FYI!)? Or was it something else entirely different? We’ll never know until E!’s true Hollywood Story: The Twilight Saga comes out in like 1o years… so we came up with some fake possibilities:

Feel free to edit this hairline out, thx

  • Everyone one had their shirts on. Not enough shirtless men running around?
  • Was the tent scene a little too intense and we see Taylor copping a feel on Bella in the sleeping bag while Robert is preoccupied with the zipper on the tent door?
  • Everyone was breathing too regularly. Not enough gasps or lip biting to differentiate this as a Twilight film.

Yup, 2nd editor... 2 times the charm??

  • Slade and Jones hadn’t picked a new color palette for Eclipse. Twilight had blue and New Moon went for earthy browns and green but Eclipse was just normal. FAIL.

So without being in the inner sanctum we’ll never know but thanks to the Hatchet we have a little better understanding that this isn’t necessarily a doom and gloom scenario. It could end up being a really good thing. Or it could end up tinted red. We’ll just have to see come June 30.

117 Days,
Themoonisdown

Give the Hatchet a big hand for lending his expert editing opinion! So what do YOU think? Does this make you nervil? Would you not go see Eclipse if it was “dark,” Do you have any speculations as to who they changed editors? SPILL!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

*Note: this is purely hypothesis and the Hatchet has ZERO connection to the films in anyway and this is speculation based purely on personal experience in the industry. Please take this as such. THX!*

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Hey, David Slade! Where are the Eclipse exclusives?!

Whoopty-friggin-doooo

Dear David Slade,

One image and no trailer and we’re 4 months away from the premiere for Eclipse? Why? What is up over there at David Slade Headquarters, Inc.? Seriously… something’s wrong, isn’t it? At this point before New Moon we already had: Oodles of images, 1 mini trailer for MTV Video Music Awards, 2 clips from ComicCon, and if my math is correct the first trailer that played before Band Slam, and maybe a couple little interviews. So much so, I had to declare born again virginity and put on my New Moon chastity belt. So far the belt’s laying in a corner gathering dust and I’m begging on the streets (of Twitter) like a h00r. What gives?

Now that I’ve said that, let me first start off by saying I have to say THANK YOU for not bombarding up with clips, and interviews and crap like we got with New Moon. Which was SO overkill. But I also have to say a LITTLE something would be much appreciated. I know us bloggers are dying for anything to post. ANYTHING. And not that snoozeville of a picture you guys released of Edward and Bella in the meadow. YAWN. I could have taken that myself with a cardboard cut out of Edward/Rob and me in a Bella wig in the weeds at Griffith Park. Nice try though.

This is it?! At least we got some plaid in there

Why don’t you give us a 30 second super teaser trailer! The the box block of all mini trailers! Make us WANT IT even more (that’s what she said). Make Twitter explode from all the speculation. Trust me, it will be SO worth it to see those tweets instead of the ones that Twihards tweet you on a daily basis begging for some Bella/Edward/Jacob threesome action.

The real Eclipse!!

Since we haven’t seen anything new from Eclipse I can only assume the following…

01. There was a horrible error at the film processing plant thus completely erasing all the footage you shot and you’re currently having to go back and reshoot the entire movie using the mini Edward/Bella/Jacob dolls from Hot Topic along with a couple GI Joes for the Volturi, a Ken doll for Carlilse, a slutty Bratz Doll for Victoria and a Teddy Ruxpin as the wolfpack a la “Be Kind Rewind” since there is ZERO budget left to buy more glitter, white pancake makeup and jorts.

Follow the cut for the rest of my speculations on why there have been ZERO Eclipse exclusives
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