Ashley Greene’s been cheating on Freya

*Join Freya as she pens a letter to Ashley Greene and confronts her about their relationship*

The beginning of a beautiful relationship

Dear LOVAH (I mean, Dear Ashley Greene),

Ever since Twilight, I knew you were the one.  Sure, KStew’s got the pins to DIE for, and Rachelle has that fiery red hair, and even Nikki has that je ne sais quois, but you–you were the one I knew I would go fake lez for.  (I’ve seen the pics of you and Rachelle—I knew you would be down.)  And you have been such a gracious fake lady love.  You were the perfect BFF in Twilight and New Moon, and I felt like we TOTALLY bonded.  Especially when I realized that you was so much less stutter-y than Bella.  I like my to ladies look good, and you did that, too.  Except for the MTV Movie Awards, where clearly you were trying to allow me to shine as I sat at home wearing my sweats.  You were a little sexy, but a little classy, too.  You even filmed that movie with Kellan where you looked slightly “butch” in those sporty clothes.  I figured that was a little wink and a nod to our fake lesbian relationship.

Awwwww pals

It was all going so well.  But now, well, things aren’t going as well as they used to.  I have this feeling, Ashley, that you might be—I hate to even say the words–UNFAITHFUL.  Sure, you’ve always had your brief liaisons; there’s that Followill kid and of course Kellan, but you always managed to make those seem like passing fancies or very close friendships.  But this is serious.  Yes, I think you’ve been CHEATING on me.   With, well…EVERYONE.  I’ve been adding up the evidence, and it is fishy indeed, Ms. Greene–very fishy.

First there were the nudie cell phone pics.  I know they must have been humiliating.  But the first thing I wondered was “who were you taking those for?”  I checked my phone–you definitely weren’t sexting them to me!  I thought that maybe it was a faker–an AshGreene look-a-like porn star, perhaps, prepping for her role in New Poon, but I checked out the evidence (yes, uncensored, don’t judge me!) and indeed, all signs pointed to it really being you (as well as all signs pointing to a fresh waxing–holla!).  I wondered why you took those pictures (and where your hips went to), but decided that maybe you were taking a picture of a suspicious mole for your dermatologist, or testing out a new camera phone right before getting into the shower.  Could happen to anyone, right?

Follow the cut for the rest of Freya’s letter
Continue reading

What the Twilight cast does when there’s no Twilight to do

Dear LTTers,

With Kristen Stewart at Sundance finding herself a new fake lesbian life partner and Rob growing a beard and packing on the pounds before he starts filming Bel Ami, the rest of the Twilight cast is heaving a sigh of relief thinking their off LTT’s radar at the present moment.

Not so fast

Today we’re going to explore what the cast members of Twilight are doing with their time off. We’re going to provide you with all the information you’ve never wanted to know about where people like Justin Chon and Michael Welch spend their days when they’re not Twilight promo-ing it up.

What fake tan?

Where’s our favorite naked girl been, Ashley Greene? Not to be outdone by Kristen Stewart into “Welcome to the Rileys,” is she currently walking Santa Monica Ave looking for some real life prostitution experience? Has she been stripping at Jumbos Clown Room but donating her earnings to a Haitian relief fund? I don’t know. Maybe. Why don’t we hop on over to WhereIsAshleyGreene
GonnaBeNakedNext.com to find out. Oh look! Her latest spread (ahem) is in Savvy Magazine which a magazine no one has heard of. Well, their 300 twitter followers have heard of them.

Will she be showing up to the Grammys on Sunday with one Mr. Jared Followhill of Kings of Leon (her New Moon premiere date)? Did she pay off the 16 year old cleaning the booths at the Hollywood Tan with naked pictures of Rob (stolen from Nikki Reed’s private collection) in order to stay under the bulbs for 45 minutes longer than the legal limit?

Ashley wears short jorts

Is she starring in a remake of that famous 80′s Nair commercial “Who wears short shots” with the new improved lyrics: “Who wears short jorts. Nail wears short jorts?”

I think so.

What about Anna Kendrick? Oh yeah, she’s been winning the hearts of Hollywood and being nominated left and right for “Best Supporting Actress”. She’s also been busy practicing the look on her face for when she loses every award she’s up for to Mo’nique. She calls it her “frownsmile.” She’ll look sad enough to show she wanted to win badly, but happy enough to prove she’s a gracious loser.

Also she’s been talking about George Clooney and Rob Pattinson EVERYWHERE. And let’s be honest, that’s not a bad gig


What else is new in Twi (kinda) land? Find out after the jump! Continue reading

Something’s Different: No more new Twilight fans?

This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..

Dear LTTers,

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than last year after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue reading

The Twilight cast celebrates LTT’s 1 year anniversary

Dear LTTers,

Did you know that last night I threw a surprise 1 year anniversary party for UC and Moon? No I bet you didn’t. Know why? Cus I didn’t invite any of you. Know why? because I couldn’t afford the insurance it would have cost me to have people like Rob and Kellan and Taylor (especially Taylor) in the party with all you hungrily trying to get your piece. That’s right. I didn’t need Chris Hansen showing up at my attempt at a classy shindig for Moon and UC to celebrate Letters to Rob and Letters To Twilight’s 1st year anniversary. ‘Cus nothing dampers a party like implications of attempting to lure someone who’s underage into your bed. Anyways, the Twilight gang showed up. I know right? Amazing. Of course Jackson wasn’t there. I’m still not sure why… someone said something about a bad review of 100 monkeys and him “never getting past it”… psh. Whatever. We know things Jackson… Just be grateful we keep our mouths shut. So I got a chance to speak to some of the cast before they headed into the party… and I’ve got to say… they are ALL lovely. for the most part. sort of….

The first one on the carpet is Ashley… and she’s posing… she’s doing her best Susan Lucci and you’ve gotta love the girl for trying. Always the doll, she saunters over to me for a quick interview.

Why don't you ask me important things.. like why my hair is glittering like it's 1999?

Calliope: Ashley! Hey you look amazing… for once! okay twice maybe! who are you wearing?
Ashley: Who am I doing? well tonight I’m doing a Followhill brother. Or maybe chase crawford… crap what city am I in? That’s how I decide.
Calliope: I said who are you wearing not who are you doing.
Ashley: Oh? what? sorry I got distracted by Nikki’s lame’ dress…
Calliope: Right… anyways…so why are you here tonight? Why support LTT/LTR?
Ashley: Well like I’ve said before… even though we all claim to not read the internet or worry over gossip about ourselves we actually REALLY REALLY love it. One of our favorite places to drop by is LTT. Kristen seems to also like LTR for some reason… I think it’s because she’s doing Rob. Anyways, the one day I was reading the site and it struck me… these girls REALLY get me. They’d written something about my purity ring and I mean… they get it. It’s totally cool to flaunt ones sexual assets without actually doing it. Men respect that. Men want that. And I’ve had plenty of men. And the ring was totally a symbol of me re-saving it for Jackson. And they just knew!
Calliope: Your talking about your purity ring right Ashley?
Ashley: Yes.
Calliope: The purity ring you are noticeably not wearing right now.
Ashley: Umm… oh… well… *laughs nervously* look at that… hrm… ahh…
Calliope: I’m guessing Jackson’s not getting the re-saving anymore is he…
Ashley: Oh look at the time…. nice meeting you…

Ashley stalks off… because she is clearly wanting to be ogled and i think she may have tried to flash her panties for just a little more attention. Right on her heels though is the gorgeous Kellan.

Hey Calli, baby...

Kellan: *flashes his million watt smile and it takes me just a few moments to understand where I am* Hello gorgeous.
Calliope: Ummm… err…. uhhh…. hi.
Kellan: *smiling… and waiting….*
Calliope: Oh right. huh. yea. you want me to ask you a question. Why?!
Kellan: *amused* why what doll?
Calliope:  why… uh… here?
Kellan:  Why am I here?
Calliope: *shakes head… gulps*
Kellan:  Well at first I was apprehensive. It’s hard to live in the shadow of Rob and well, UC and Moon, they’ve got some serious Rob loving going on. but then I remembered the one post I read. and I knelt in prayer and knew what I had to do. So I’m here seeking forgiveness.
Calliope: forgiveness? *turns on sexy voice* what could hunky, desirable, sex-a-licious you *CallI runs a finger up Kellan’s chest* have possibly done wrong?
Kellan: please don’t do that. I am a person. Not just a hunk of man-meat for you to stare at.
Calliope: *clears throat* umm… yes… sorry… of course not.
Kellan: thank you.
Calliope: so you were saying… you are here for forgiveness.
Kellan: *hangs head in shame* yes… I want to ask UC and Moon to forgive me for causing them to have impure thoughts in their youth. It was never my intention. *begins to tear up* Abercrombie lured me in with their plaids and catchy phrases… *lets out a huge sub* I DIDN”T KNOW! I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW!
Calliope: *feels awkward* umm… of course not Kellan. *pats him lightly* there there.
Kellan:  excuse me *runs away bawling*

Kellan runs away bawling… and who should saunter up behind him but the joy of my existence. (Read the rest, after the jump) Continue reading

Last minute Twilight Halloween Costume Ideas

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s Halloween today! Did you forget like me and need a costume for that party you’re going to? Do you want to pay tribute to your love of Twilight in a subtle, non-fangirl, non bouffant and bella’s jacket sorta way? Well have no fear we’ve come up with some last minute costume ideas for the Twilight/LTT gal (and maybe their unsuspecting boy).


Forks police officer

All you need is a stick on mustache, a can of Vitamin R and grab that Sheriff badge from your kids toy box. Instant Charlie Swan! Bonus points: bring your friends: Waylon Forge, Billy Black and Harry Clearwater. Extra bonus points for a bag of fish fry and lugging your flat screen TV around


Fake Lesbians

This is a costume where you’ll need a close gal pal who is in on the Twilight gossip.  Wear big nikes and tight denim. Sport a very surly attitude. Chair smoke ALL night. Never leave each other the entire night. Hold hands. Kiss if the mood is right. Bonus: bring along a third wheel boyfriend (feel free to call him an Italian spice), walk in holding hands as a threesome. Don’t pay attention to him all night.

jack100
100 monkeys

Wearing the bananagers banana costume, sneak into a zoo after it closed but right before the party. Find the monkey/chimp/gorilla cages. Let them all loose, befriend them, invite them to the party. Load them in your car and take them to the party. Give the primates instruments and play bad music all night. Write impromptu songs about Halloween candy and trick or treating or how much you love the girls on “slut-lo-ween.”

Want some more last minute costume ideas? Follow the cut!
Continue reading

New Moon T-shirts worth wearing

Dear New Moon t-shirt competition at CafePress,

Please accept the following t-shirt designs as entries into your contest to design the perfect New Moon T-shirt for Twi-hards to wear (or as I like to call us: ‘New Mooners”) I plan to spend my $250 Am/ex gift card at Hot Topic buying Robward v-neck T-shirts for all my guy friends in Jonas Brothers cover bands and the $100 CafePress gift card on Jacob Black thongs. I will give them out at women’s shelters in Georgia.

If that doesn’t prove I’m the biggest “New Mooner” around, I don’t know what does. I didn’t follow your instructions as I felt it limited my creativity, but I know you’ll be happy with what I’ve produced:

1. Wolfpack Pride

jorts

2. Never Forget

forget

3. Something for everyone:

robstencheck

4.

nonsten

5.

crapsten

6. Made in the U.S.A.

legalinga

7. What number are you?

sleep

8. Hot

fakelesbian

9. Delusion on a t-shirt

dreams

Tell all those other suckers designers I’m sorry I’m so much better!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Yes. I am seriously going to enter this contest. Even though I didn’t follow the directions & I totally broke all their rules.  But which shirt should I enter? I can’t decide. They’re all so amazing cuz I’m so amazing at t-shirt design (ahem) How about YOU all decide:


Moon embarrasses herself AGAIN in the name of the blog on LTR (I think she’s gonna expect the same from me soon enough…. yikes… how will I embarrass myself in front of you all…..)

Discuss which t-shirt YOU would buy on The Forum

Don’t forget about the contest WE’RE having! *hint* We are getting a TON Of entries via email, but few via Twitter- we’re picking a winner from email AND twitter, so for a better chance, enter on the tweets!

The mistakes of Twilight

Dear LTTers,

Thank you so much for your congratulations & sweet words regarding our 10 month anniversary yesterday. We have a confession that we’d like to share in the form of “texts from last night” between Moon & UC:

Text from Moon: “Just wrapped up my ’10 month anniversary/10 things I love about Twi’ post- getting in bed- wouldn’t it be funny if we calculated wrong and our 10 month anniversary is next week?
Text from UC
: “We’d look like the biggest idiots”
Text from Moon:
“Umm…. I just calculated. Can you double check my math”
Text from UC: “Yep. Just double checked.
Happy 9 month anniversary”

Oops. I know we seem perfect, but we’re not. For example, we miss things. Once there was a picture of Big Daddy with a dabble of ketchup down the front of his shirt. We missed an opportunity to photo-shop him in a Heintz ketchup ad. And one time Moon said “I bet it’s hard to be Jacob Black” and I forgot to say “that’s what she said.” It’s hard to be perfect all the time. We try. But we sometimes fail. Even we make mistakes.

So in honor of our 9 month anniversary (yesterday) and to continue our new fond love of making lists, here are 9 mistakes from the Twilight world:

1. The Bandslam & PUSH previews on the Twilight DVD

(that you cannot fast forward through- bastards) Summit thought they were being sneaky, making us watch those previews before we got to see Robward’s beautiful face. Little did they know that I just made copies of the DVD, got rid of the previews and sold them illegally on the black market. In your Face Summit. Just kidding. What I really did was press Play; Go make some popcorn; Pour myself some bubbly; Walk back into the room; Groan that Vanessa Hudgens was STILL on the screen; Go pee; Put on my PJs; Come back. Movie time. In your face, Summit.

Dear Stephenie, This outfit is not hot Love, us

Dear Stephenie, This outfit is not hot Love, us

2. Edward’s taste of music, clothing & bedding in the books

WestFriend: Why did Stephenie make Edward so lame when it comes to music taste. Umm…hi. He hates the 60’s and 70’s? The BEST time for music ever? And he LOVES the 50’s and some of the 80’s? It has bothered me so bad.
Moon
: SMeyer is an enigma. Cause the 60s ruled the music scene. But the real questions are: Why does she make Edward wear sleeveless button ups and have black and gold brocade bedding?? These things I’ve never understood.

3. Including Perry Farrell and Collective Soul on the Soundtrack

Dear Summit,

It’s clear from your marketing that you are unaware that anyone other than 12 to really immature 15 1/2 year olds like the Twilight saga, so why in the world would you force Alexandra Patsavas (who made Death Cab for Cutie & Imogen Heap household names, so I know it wasn’t her doing) to include an old washed up rocker looking for a comeback & a band that no one has thought of since 1995 on the soundtrack?

4. The EW magazine cover that ended the careers of a photographer & editor

brilliantEWcover

I just need one.more.hit. Buy my apple?

And if the photographer & editors weren’t fired, they should’ve been- or maybe even hung. Who told them Twilight was about methed-up teen addicts who sell their last piece of food- an apple- to buy enough meth so they could ceremoniously commit a joint suicide/OD and spend eternity together listening to Collective Soul? EW Fail

Follow the jump for the rest of the mistakes! Continue reading

Storytime with Moon – Comic Con in review

Dear LTT-ers

As you all know Thursday I was able to attend the 2nd coming of Jesus, aka the New Moon panel at Comic Con and I have a little (ok, it’s quite long) story to share with you! So that means it’s story time with Moon!

Sit back relax grab your poison of choice (mine’s a diet coke as the CC folks learned) and let’s get to it!

XO
Moon

Once the news came out that there would in fact be a New Moon panel and presentation at Comic Con the California LTT/LTR gals KNEW we had to be there, come hell or high water. And trust, there was a lot of hell and a lot of high water. But finally tickets were secured and plans made for several groups of Cali gals to converge on Comic Con last Thursday…

Making up part of the LA/OC group Chelsea and I headed down to San Diego Wednesday afternoon to meet up with our SD gals to plot, plan and scheme how we would make this happen. By Wednesday morning there were already reports of 100-ish Twihards in line and by the time we reached San Diego that evening a reported 500 were now in line. So we jumped in the car with VickyB and headed down to scope out our competition…

hallhoutside
The sign pointed us towards heaven on earth

tentcity
An impromptu little tent city of Twihards set up on the outside of Hall H. Since we knew there was no point in waiting in line over night at this point and in all honesty we didn’t want to (we just wanted to be in the room not in the front row), we honked and continued on in search of food and good times

hustler
Since we were going to be seeing Rob the next day we first stopped off to get some slutty outfits for our Comic Con Preparedness Kits. No Cullen crest or Team Jacob shirts for us. It was hooker lucite heels, cootchie cutter shorts and whips that we were looking for!

Let me tell you the rest of the story… after the cut!
Continue reading

Our Crazy Twilight Life

Dear LTTers,

If you think Rob & Kristen have had a crazy time since Twilight made it big, you should see what happens to Moon & I in our lives. We were just two little twenty-somethings, minding our own business, breaking down that 1 hour long Vanity Fair vid that we love so much when BAM- we suddenly have a blog bigger than we ever expected where sometimes, when UC writes a post about Cougars & Robert Pattinson, it gets reposted on a blog who’s description is:

Catering to men leaving the country for a good time

(They also give re-post love to blogs about hot Asian girls with sexy legs)

And right before I got the good news about us being the new spokeswomen for prostitution in Thailand, I signed into wordpress.com (our blogging platform) to approve some comments and I noticed that wordpress thought our post about Cougars and Robert Pattinson deserved the term “Hawt.” And they decided to throw my face nice & big next to the post- ensuring that everyone will now think I am the cougar instead of the 26 year old I actually am, and solidifying the fact that my dad will find out I run this blog instead of do work at his company since he knows every single thing about every single cougar in the Tri-state area.

Daddy, I promise I work on the blog from 5:15pm-11:15pm. Not during office hours

Daddy, I promise I work on the blog from 5:15pm-11:15pm. Not during office hours

And then there was that time when Moon was in her office, minding her own beeswax, and her co-worker (the goddess who introduced her to the Twilight series) IMed her and said “You gotta check out this hilarious new blog I found: LetterstoTwilight.com” and Moon frantically tried to play it off like she was surprised to hear of this brand new blog until she finally gave up and confessed she runs the blog and moved on to trying to figure out how to explain to her coworker where she gets the time to run a blog (Coworker: blog running always happens from the hours of 5:15pm-11:15pm- don’t worry. I can vouch for Moon)

Smile Girls. Someone approves your fakelesbian-ship

Smile Girls. Someone approves your fakelesbian-ship

And sometimes, when I am drifting off to sleep while trying to clear our LTT e-mail inbox thinking “please let this be the last one. God I promise I will never let 3 weeks go by without replying to e-mails every again,” I come across a gem like this:

im deeply in luv with all characters from twilight saga. i hear tht ppl think nikki and kristen saposably are in an affair??? well who cares i luv them both and i will stick up for them as long as i live. both are best friends for each other and best friends are always close…extremely close. so they may have tap kisses here and there but those can be friend kisses or not. i mean look at nikki shes beautiful im a 15 y/o girl and if i had the chance to kiss her i would same for kristen. im not bi or les but hey i wouldnt and dont care what ppl would say.

And when all these things happen within a few days of each other, I think to myself, “Those Twilight kids have it easy- Moon & I are the ones with the crazy lives.”

And then at 12am Saturday morning when I’m in a video/audio/text chat room with 11 LTT/LTR pals, and everytime a new “guest” arrives I ask ‘Is that you, Rob?”, Moon and I end up having a side conversation and gushing how 6 months ago, we knew none of the girls (and one unicorn!) we were chatting with. And we will take the people who mistake us for cougars, the co-workers who find out our secrets, the jailtime in Thailand for soliciting prostitutes & the crazy e-mails, just because we love all of you. And we also believe it’s about time we share more of the crazy e-mails we receive, so this will become a more regular feature!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What in the world is going on in Rob’s world over on LTR?
Chat it up! In The Forum

Where are you Nikki Reed?

Have you seen this girl?

Have you seen this girl?

Dear Nikki,

Monday when I was writing that post about Drunk emailing and how much would it cost to get a Twi star at your party, I was reviewing the list and kept wondering who I left out and then it dawned on me: I left out YOU! And so that’s why I wrote “Nikki – WHO?” Cause seriously girl where the h-word are you?! I’m kind of actually doing a Mom Moon and worrying about you and where you’ve been and how you’re doing. If I wanted to pull a real Mom Moon I’d start calling the LAPD, and area LA Hospitals to see if you’ve turned up. Cause it’s July 14th at 5am in Los Angeles, “Do you know where your Nikki Reed is?” Cause I sure as crap don’t.

So of course it got me thinking… where in the world could you be? And what are you doing? I checked IMDB and the only thing you have current is in pre-pro and that’s K-11 and we KNOW that ain’t filming right now and it might even be up in the air if you’re even still in it, especially if that whole KStew falling out rumor is true.

So then I checked to see if you have any fansites cause if anyone knows what’s up with Twi stars it’s their fans! Can I get an amen? And I find out no one’s updated in about a week. That isn’t good news. Then I hit Twitter, cause that’s all the latest and greatest and guess what all (read 2) fan twitters hadn’t updated in days either. Not even your FAKE twitter counterpart has cared enough to tweet about your fake goings on in over a week!

Accidental gang member or Nike enthusiast??

Accidental gang member or Nike enthusiast??

So it’s left me only a couple options as to where you’ve been…

  • You were driving to LAX one day, took and wrong turn and got lost in south central LA and were jumped into one of the local gangs… crips or bloods? I’d say crips cause you look better in blue than red. If this is true call us maybe we can initiate a trade off with the crips. You for Justin Chon or maybe they want someone beefier like Christian Serratos?
  • You’ve become a hermit spending all your time online at Nike.com designing more ridiculous neon high top sneakers than you know what to do with. My advice? Trash them all and get a nice pair of ballet flats.
  • This whole Oregano thing is true and you’ve chosen him over KStew. WOW if that’s true I really want the dish! Give me the gossip now! And so you two are hanging out at Cathy’s house, smoking up and worming your way into whatever movie she’s doing next. I wish I knew Cathy, I’d love to be an actress.

Take the cut to find out what Nikki’s REALLY been up to. TRUST it’s SOOO good!
Continue reading

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