My FanFic Storyline Ideas – Vol 1: JediWard

UUUUSSSEEE THE DAZZLE FORCE EDWARD!!! and t

Dear Twilight Fan Fiction writers-

Yesterday, while on Twitter I saw a trending topic called “Jedward” which as it turns out is some weird incestuous looking brother singing duo but because I’m not “down with the kids” like Billy Black, it made me think some FanFic writer created a hillbilly Edward hybrid. I tweeted it cause I think I’m funny sometimes and as it turned out I wasn’t the only one and someone else thought it was “Jediward” a Star Wars version of Edward. And THAT got me to thinking. What would Star Wars look like with Twilight characters subbed in? Now, I’m sure I’m going to get crucified by White Yorkie and the Font for attempting or even entertaining such SciFi/Fantasy heresy but I just have to explore the complete craziness of this idea.

With this in mind I present to you our latest series: My Fanfiction Storyline Ideas! Because I think of some pretty absurd ideas and feel like it’s my duty to share them with the word and please writers if you feel like taking up this mantle of absurdity, feel free. I just come up with the ideas if you can make it reality than more power to you and more laughing for me!

Click to enlarge and possibly frame

Title: Star Wars: May the Forks Be With You!
AU, Non canon Twi and Non Canon Star Wars (too hard, I tried), Scifi, Romance, Angst

Summary:
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… a rebellion begins against the evil Volturi Empire to take back the Republic and destroy the evil Darth Aro and his massive Death Star space station. Captured by the Empire while on a spy mission, Princess Bella who has the stolen Death Star blueprints hides them in escaped droids Eric2-D2 and Mike3PO.

EEEDDDWWWAAARRDDDD I am your sisterrrrr!!

Later on the planet of La Pushtouine, Edward Skywalker purchases Eric2-D2 and Mike3PO and accidentally uncovers a secret message from Princess Bella asking Charlie-Wan Kenobi to help as he’s her only hope. Inspired to help this girl Edward finds Charlie-Wan and they set out to find the Rebels to deliver the message and rescue Princess Bella. In need of transport and a secret passage they hire space pilot without a cause Jazz Solo and his Wookie co-pilot Chewbacob to lead them to the rebels.

Follow the cut to see what happens
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Moons friend is a Twilight comment whore, but not the way you think

*When my friend told me he skims our posts but reads our comments religiously every day I knew he had to write a letter to you all. And after much (read: me asking) convincing he has written a little love letter to you all so without further adieu I present to you my friend and fellow “Little People, Big World” lover…*

I'm pretty sure he would never be caught dead in this shirt

Dear Twi-Hards,

Let me write a quick introduction: I’m a dude. I’m straight. If my brothers knew that I was writing an entry for a blog called Letters to Twilight, they would kick my ass, assuming they know what Twilight is.

I’ve read the first book, and get the general gist of the rest of the series (girl meets vampire, falls for him, vampire leaves for some reason, nice guy werewolf tries to pick of the pieces, something about a Vampire Senate, vampire C-section, werewolf trying to fuck a baby, ecetera ecetera).

And let me be very clear about this: my involvement with the Twilight series began as something entirely mercenary. I had an outside shot at working for someone involved with the Twilight franchise (Twi-chise? Twi-fran? Team Franchise?) so that’s why I read the book and watched the first flick (in the theaters, no less!).

Now, I don’t like Twilight. At it’s best, it reads like well-crafted Buffy fan-fiction, and at it’s worst, it reads like an abstinent goth teenager ate a bad piece of soy-based pizza and watched that Ann Rice vampire movie with Brad Pitt.

The main character is bland, and has no redeeming qualities other than smelling nice or something. And she’s pretty? It’s saying a lot that I can’t remember anything about her other than those two facts.

Edward is basically a really good-looking vampire version of that guy that used to give you a lot of mixtapes, even after he told you that he just wanted to be friends. If Bella had any sense, she’d just make Edward do her homework and help her pick outfits for the shooting guard of Fork’s basketball team. Maybe one time she could get really drunk and let him feel her up, but then she’d have to hear about how it was the greatest night of his life for the next year and a half.

Jacob is a puppy dog (GET IT?!) sort of doofy dude who would probably end up being really cool in college and then marrying someone who’s probably too good-looking for him, but he’d be too dumb to be self conscious about it. I actually kind of like the guy, which makes the part at the end about him wanting to bang an infant all the more terrible.

Oh the power of the comments... just a click away from infamy or stupidity

But, all this being said, I am fucking addicted to reading this blog. Like, to the point of absurdity. It’s the first thing I read at work, which I’m sure would be enough to allow me to be castrated in Uganda (topical joke!).

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART! The worst part is that every work day, about a half hour it’s quitting time, I refresh the blog entry and start on the comments.

Oh, the comments. That’s what keeps me coming back, ladies. You have no idea. I start, and I go until my little heart can’t take any more. They’re like my own personal version of low-grade methamphetamine’s, except that they’re distributed by WordPress and not biker gangs.

Follow the cut to read the rest of his crazy fascination with your lovely commenters!
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Storytime with Moon: The Hot Topic New Moon Twi Tour kick off

Dear LTT-ers,

I ventured out last night with pals Ashley and Chelsea to attend the Twi Tour kick off at Hollywood & Highland with the stars and musicians of New Moon and boy did the stars ever show up! And here’s the story…

So 4 artists from the soundtrack, Band of Skulls, Sea wolf, Anya Marina and Death Cab for Cutie each played 2-4 song sets including their song from the soundtrack. I’m still at little sad that Death Cab only played 2 but oh wells there were bigger n better things to be had

twitourgals

Between each set was about a 15 minute break. We has wristbands for the signing but didn’t want to wait in a line that curled around the building with a bunch of people in New Moon shirts (tres embarassing) we wanted to see the bands and meet people! So we kept an eye on the line as we listened to each band, met Larry Carroll from MTV, met a radio station dude who wanted us to answer trivia (more on this later) and about a billion press folks and annoyed Hot Topic employees.

Finally it was time for us to run up to the signing. There were SO many cast members there that they broke them into two groups. Our group consisted of: Chaske, Kellan, Nikki, Kiowa and Cameron. We chose this group over Ashley/Elizabeth/Alex/Jared because we has already met Ashley and truth be told we really just wanted to hear some alpha wolf voice and exchange bitchface with Nikki.

signedjorts

Because the Hot Topic folks are meanies (aka wanted to keep the line moving) there were to be NO pictures or personal items signed but we had jorts and I told Ashley we should sneak them in! Chaske started signing our posters and I told him we brought some jorts for him to sign since the wolfpack made them famous but that they wouldn’t let us get them signed and he goes give them to me, I’ll sign them! So Ashley whips them out and Chaske begins signing them and Kellan sees this and he’s like WHAT?! And I say you know Jorts for the Wolfpack and he goes Not anymore! And whips them out of Chaske’s hand and starts signing them! The rest of the cast ends up signing the Jorts and now Ashley has a great keepsake! We chit chat some more with them and talk about where we all live and then it’s time to get the H out of the way. FYI Chaske and Kellan are good times! They talked our legs off and we were more than willing for it to happen. Too bad we couldn’t get Twicon/Prom pics with Kellan the whole encounter would have been complete. Like the Twilight circle of life!

TONS more after the jump. Video, pictures, stories, jorts, ROB!
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Breaking Down Swiftner aka we heart Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift HARD!

taylorsvdaykingandqueen

How ridiculously perfect is this picture?! Seriously!

Dear LTT-ers and Robsteners,

We so get it now! After the pictures of the Taylors (aka Swiftner) came out this week and the ensuing letters I wrote to them UC and I fangirled out (it was mostly a lot of high pitched “oh-em-geeing) half the day about Swiftner and how much we loved them. I started watching the clips commenters posted in the letters to the Taylors post and I knew I had a new addiction. Here’s UC and I breaking it down…

The one where I “come out”
Moon:
I officially sound like the Swiftner version of a robsten fan*
UC hahahahahahha and i like it SO much more!
Moon Yes, it’s not nearly as annoying or annoying at ALL
UC RIGHT! just cute!
Moon dude ive SO watched like 2 videos of him at her concert in Chicago. Stop me
UC: hahahahahhahaha love it!
Moon: people are posting them in the comments. She sings 15 in the audience in front of Taylor and then comes to hug the folks where he’s sitting and when she hugs him and the crowd goes nuts. its SOOO embarrassing. im embarrassed for them. and then they do that lingering hand holding thing as she walks away. Swiftner lives folks! hahahaha
UC: awwwww!!!! sooo cute!!!!
Moon its super cute
UC dude.. that’s amazing. Send me the link to the video

Moon: OMG!!! HAHAHA its even more embarrassing from this other angle
UC: Watching! Awwww!
Moon SO CUTE!
UC he’s like “i love you” SOO cute! what if he sang? i’d die if he started singing along with her!
Moon: HAHAHAH they need to do a duet. I hope taylor has seen taylors crappy student video

Follow the cut to see us have an epiphany and plot our Swiftner love blog
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Storytime with Moon – Comic Con in review

Dear LTT-ers

As you all know Thursday I was able to attend the 2nd coming of Jesus, aka the New Moon panel at Comic Con and I have a little (ok, it’s quite long) story to share with you! So that means it’s story time with Moon!

Sit back relax grab your poison of choice (mine’s a diet coke as the CC folks learned) and let’s get to it!

XO
Moon

Once the news came out that there would in fact be a New Moon panel and presentation at Comic Con the California LTT/LTR gals KNEW we had to be there, come hell or high water. And trust, there was a lot of hell and a lot of high water. But finally tickets were secured and plans made for several groups of Cali gals to converge on Comic Con last Thursday…

Making up part of the LA/OC group Chelsea and I headed down to San Diego Wednesday afternoon to meet up with our SD gals to plot, plan and scheme how we would make this happen. By Wednesday morning there were already reports of 100-ish Twihards in line and by the time we reached San Diego that evening a reported 500 were now in line. So we jumped in the car with VickyB and headed down to scope out our competition…

hallhoutside
The sign pointed us towards heaven on earth

tentcity
An impromptu little tent city of Twihards set up on the outside of Hall H. Since we knew there was no point in waiting in line over night at this point and in all honesty we didn’t want to (we just wanted to be in the room not in the front row), we honked and continued on in search of food and good times

hustler
Since we were going to be seeing Rob the next day we first stopped off to get some slutty outfits for our Comic Con Preparedness Kits. No Cullen crest or Team Jacob shirts for us. It was hooker lucite heels, cootchie cutter shorts and whips that we were looking for!

Let me tell you the rest of the story… after the cut!
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Living Single in a Twilight Kind of World!

Dear LTT-er’s

On the heels of last weeks super successful Hardball:  Is Kristen Stewart pregnant? post, I’ve decided to tackle another subject close to my heart: Living single in a Twilight/Rob kind of world! Yup, free feel to sing that to the tune of the Living Single theme song. I feel like a good portion of our audience are mature adult women in relationships and I wanted to give a platform to the other side of the equation. What is is like to be a single adult lady and like a YA novel about Vampires? How has obsessing over Rob and other Twi stars affected their relationships and pursuit of life and boys? And most of all how in the crap will we meet Rob and have him fall madly in love with us? Cause after all that’s a possibility when you’re single!

So again I’ve gathered a panel of the brightest, smartest raddest ladies from the LTT/LTR family to participate in a Sex and the City style round table discussion (aka chat). Just imagine us in the coffee shop with our most awesomest shoes (you’ll see those, don’t worry!) sipping cocktails and dishing the dirt on everything from boys to friends to Twitter to Jonathan Brandis. Yup, we hit it all.

Welcome to Part One (yes we had to break it up there was so much good stuff!) of Living Single in a Twilight Kind of World *cue music*

Heels and a High Life that's the way Moon rolls

Heels and a High Life that's the way Moon rolls

Moon: So ladies, just so you can introduce yourselves and let all those good viewers out there know who you are, I’ll start this how i start all my creepy online chats… A/S/L?
Moon: 26/female/los angeles… oh and send us tweetpics of your fabulous shoes while we chat…
Brooke: 29-F-Philly
chelsea: 24/F/Orange County
Calli: 25/f/Philly
janetrigs: 55/M/texas
aramisette: 28/F/Boston
janetrigs: Okay nooo
Brooke: oh Janet
janetrigs: 31/F/DC
freya: 34/Albuquerque
Brooke: Freya, you a man? didn’t want to tell us?
Moon: pre op?
janetrigs: She must totally be a man
freya: Sorry, 24/ALL WOMAN/Albuquerque
Moon: trannies living in a rob world!
freya: Dang–I just took my age down by ten years!
janetrigs: Trannies in Rob world seems NORMAL
chelsea: Pre or Post-op?

Freya likes booty with her heels

Freya likes booty with her heels

Single and Ready to Mingle?
Calli
: i’m drinking disarono on the rocks
Brooke: That’s normal!
Moon: so are we all single or in some sort of relationship?
Calli: and i’ve got rootbeer vodka on the backburner
Moon: calli is classy. i want to be calli when i grow up
janetrigs: Rootbeer vodka!!
freya: Single.
Calli: single
aramisette: single
Brooke: Single
janetrigs: single, of course
chelsea: I prfer Unencumbered to single..
freya: “Unencumbered”–LOL
Moon: foot loose and fancy free!
aramisette: unencumbered is better. shows u don’t need a man
janetrigs: Well I’s divorced
janetrigs: Is that diff from single, I like to think NOOOO
Brooke: Janey has a wusband
Calli: i’m going to go with “suffering from limited options
aramisette: u choose to be this way
janetrigs: Wasbands suck just so you know. But no kids thank the lord
Moon: couldnt match up to rob?
janetrigs: No one can Moon
janetrigs: No one is ever gonna match up to rob, that’s why I go for the drunk ones, closest to him I think
Moon: HAHAHA amen we’re getting there

Follow the cut to learn more about cover stories, batteries and which Rob is our favorite
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The Dirt – New Moon Merch, Stoli Shirts and Color Me Badd, Oh MY!

Dear LTT-ers,

So much has happened over the weekend and last week that we couldn’t possibly write letters about everything but we wanted to hand pick the news that we thought you needed to see!

Hold on to your Pattinsons pants cause away we gooooo!
Themoonisdown

I adore mi amore and bad dye jobs

I adore mi amore and bad dye jobs

  • New Twilight bookmarks available for preorder. Perfect for in between the pages of your copy of The Purpose Driven Life or for when you print out Fanfic and put it in a 3 ring binder so you can read it at work.
  • Remember last week when I wrote Nikki asking where in the world had she gone? Well obviously she reads LTT because she turned up in Greece over the weekend with a member of Color Me Badd
  • Fresh off his shift at the Home Depot and a hot oil treatment, Solomon Trimble still working any Twilight connection he has and makes an appearance at Quileute Days. Is Solomon even Quileute?
  • Seriously, is this what it's come to?

    Seriously, is this what it's come to?

    Rob’s blessed Stoli vodka shirt came out of hiding this week. Some folks at Why Not RPattz and Robsessed did some insanely minute investigation work tracing the rips, stains and lifespan of the shirt. Now just think if we had this kind of attention to detail on finding Osama Bin Laden or curing life threatening diseases. Dayum.

  • Cute Dude with hot  accent will be in Eclipse and his name is NOT Robert Pattinson… welcome to Victoria’s newborn boytoy Riley. Listen to him talk about being cast…
  • If UC and I were creepy guido papparazzo’s with man voices I’m pretty sure this is what we’d say…


“… only two minutes Rob, only two minutes brother…” Apparently Rob is not only the face and cure for vaginal dryness but also the spokesperson for erectile dysfunction. Poor guy.

  • Once again Taylor comes off as the most mature 17yr old I’ve ever heard, listen to him discuss NM and other junk in one of the best videos to come out in a while… also enjoy the music!
She's got legs, she knows how to use them!

She's got legs, she knows how to use them!

  • Some shiz is going on after Comic Con but I know where I’ll be at: an as yet determined watering hole drowning our scream frazzled nerves with Rob and the LTT/LTR gals! Won’t you join us?

So who ordered their set of bookmarks?

Read about all the things that make UC think of Rob at Letters to Rob
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