The new kid on the LTT block finds out she’s normal after all!

(We love to hear from you guys and today we have a fresh newbie treating us to her very first letter and how she’s finally figured out she’s “normal” after all!)

Oh hello there LTT, where have you been all my life?

Dear LTT and LTR,

It was a week ago (last Saturday, to be precise) that I first learned about you from a friend who will forever have a special place in my heart for sharing you with me. LTT & LTR, you have filled a hole in me that I didn’t realize existed. You see, ever since I first read Twilight last fall, I’ve been, well, slightly fully obsessed with all things Twilight and, especially Rob.

I mean, I haven’t bought any apparel; I’ve never purchased a magazine because the cover featured Rob or KStew (I mean, I’ve stolen borrowed them from friends, but that’s different); and I refused to pay full price for the New Moon DVD ($24.99—are you kidding me?). I get points for that, right? And, until last week, the only blog/website I’d used for information about Twilight was Stephenie Meyer’s own site. (Well, and People.com, but that’s not exclusively Twilight content.)

But you have given me a gift: I know now that I’m not crazy. I’m normal.

Lost count how many time's I've read these

Just because I’ve watched Twilight… um, more times than I count… even while cringing at the corniness of the movie and KStew’s mumbling, open-mouthed delivery of every line and emotion (is this the bitch face you write about?(Moon: No, but stick around and we’ll teach you!), that doesn’t make me crazy. The countless hours I’ve listened to the movie soundtracks on repeat, the insane number of times I’ve read the four books and Midnight Sun, the way when I’m reading Eclipse & Breaking Dawn I imagine how the directors will make it happen (the LEG HITCH, Hallelujah!!!!),  the way I replay certain scenes from the movies over and over (Edward first talking to Bella, Edward smirking while Mike asks Bella to prom, the first kiss, then in NM when they’re reunited in Italy… sigh)… there’s more, but I feel like I don’t need to tell you. Because you know (Moon: Oh girl, do we ever).

Although my best friends share my love of the books and movies, I’ve always had this intense feeling of guilt and sliminess: I’m lusting after a dirty (literally), awkwardly built (his hips sometimes look wider than his shoulders, and have you ever noticed how awkwardly he walks with his hunched shoulders? Moon: Oh we notice. Those are his “mothering hips”), smoking/cussing/alcoholic, smarmy guy 5 years younger than me.

Not that one, but just as good...

In truth, I’ve always feared that someone would catch and understand the gleam that comes into my eyes when Twilight (and hence Rob) comes up in conversation—do they see how truly inappropriate my fascination is? I know KStew wants her space and privacy, yet I crave photographs and news of Robsten, dying to factor that confirmed relationship (or not) into my fantasies of when I run into Rob, and he looks like he does in the Vanity Fair 2009 shoot (the photo with the cigarette?? OMG)… and he says to me, “Hello, my name is Edward Cullen.” And then he smells my throat… Well, you understand.

And that is why I will always be grateful to you, LTT & LTR. Because you do understand. You strike the perfect balance of obsessing and distancing yourself from that obsession with humor. Through you, I discovered the online archive of the Vanity Fair shoot (the video! the photos!). And so, while I will still never feel comfortable revealing the true extent of my Twilight/Rob obsession to my loved ones, at least now I know that I have kindred spirits. Normal, rational, intelligent women who say that it’s OK to feel this way.

Thank you, LTT & LTR, for providing me an outlet for my obsession.

Yours truly,

ThatsNormalGrlNC

P.S. Seriously, gals. Thank you! You’re the best, and I love your sites. Keep up the great work!! – Kirsten 🙂

We love our readers, truly, madly, deeply (sing it!), we do! If you’re new or hanging out in lurkdom, delurk yourself and comment or write us an email or letter! We’d love to hear from you!! Welcome ThatsNormalGrlNC into the fold! When did you discover us?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

LTT Mailbag: Questions for Stephenie – We answer them

Hey youuu guuuuysss! Get ready for some crazy emails!

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We’re going to meet you in a few weeks and become BFF’s and talk like girlfriends about Robert Pattinson and shoes and whether Pinkberry or Yogurtland is the best and about how we think Nacho is a hot piece and well maybe a little bit about Eclipse too. So when we got this letter to you we thought since we’re like 3ish weeks away from being BFF’s we could totally answer them for you. Why, not?

DEAR STEPHENIE MEYER,

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS FOR MY SCHOOL BOOK REPORT……
c

1.IS IT REALLY TRUE THAT YOU GOT THE IDEA OF TWILIGHT FROM A DREAM?

– TRUE. Double chili cheese dogs, fried pickles and jalapeno nachos from the Arizona State Fair will do that to you. Edward and Bella in the meadow were in fact the by product of the most wicked case of heartburn every medically recorded in the state of Arizona. Besides eating through half my esophagus and a whole bottle of Pepcid AC I just had to sit down and write out the dream, minus the nachos, churros and frozen lemonade’s that danced a circle around them.
c

HA HA Bill Condon, prepare yourself!

2.DID YOU ENJOY MAKING THE BOOKS AND MOVIES FOR TWILIGHT?

I don’t “make” the movies I just sit back and watch people like Chris Weitz try to figure out how to bring my books to the screen and not be maimed and beaten in the process by crazy Twihards who insist on exact book to movie translations. Those are my favorite days on set. I saw four women hoist David Slade over a toliet and threaten to give him a swirly if he left out the story about the 3rd wife. HAHA Slade, good luck figuring that out for the screen. So to answer your question: Yes, I totally enjoy it!
c

3.WILL YOU BE MAKING MORE BOOKS LIKE THE TWILIGHT SAGA?

Maybe, that depends on what new food venders show up at the Fair this year. I’m hoping for some of those friend oreos and a ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl and presto blamo hopefully I’ll have the Alice/Jasper story all worked out.
c

Going up in flames in a mall parking lot near you!

4.WILL YOU STILL BE MAKING THE BOOK MIDNIGHT DAWN?

Yes, I’ll be slipping a finished copy to UC and Moon when I meet them in a few weeks. No one else will see if but rest assured they will get to read all the rest of Edward’s juicy thoughts and I may just slip in a copy of Forever Dawn while I’m at it. Shhhhh don’t tell! It’s a surprise!
c

5.DO YOU HAVE OTHER HOBBIES THAN WRITING?

Lots, but my favorite is going to every Hot Topic store within a 100 mile radius of where I’m at and buying out all their Twilight merchandise. Then I take it outside and burn it all. But I save one shirtless Jacob shirt for myself. That’s what I wear to sleep in at night. Nacho loves it. No, he doesn’t. But I rest easier knowing that stuff isn’t in the hands of impressionable young teens and older women who should know better.
c

Working on my jazz hands

6.WILL YOU BE IN ANY OF THE OTHER TWILIGHT SAGA MOVIES?

I’m in them all! Just because you didn’t see me order a veggie burger in New Moon doesn’t mean I wasn’t there. I was actually biker #2 in that Port Angeles scene with Bella. They needed someone with motorcycle experience so of course both David Slade and I stepped in. Unfortunately, he got the part of Biker #1 and got to drive Bella around but he returned the favor by doing me a solid and subbing me in for Kristen during the leg hitch scene. So I win! Where I end up in Breaking Dawn, you’ll just have to wait and see. Spoiler Alert: I’m the maid who sings the song “Scattered feathers, busted headboard, this dude scored.” in the morning after Isle Esme musical number.
c

7.WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A VAMPIRE OR WEREWOLF IN THE MOVIES?

C. a Zombie

Wait, who's this guy again? His hand is NOT cold as ice

8.WHAT ARE YOUR HUSBAND AND SONS NAMES?

Edward and Renesmee… I mean umm… what’s their names again?
c

LOVE ONE OF YOUR # 1 AND BEST FANS OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA,
HONEY LOVER 🙂

So we hope/know those answers are pretty close to what you’d tell sweet, sweet delusional Honey if she actually had your email address and not ours. And yes, now that you’ve announced us and some other sites will be hanging with you, our “crazy” (a real folder we have in gmail) emails have increased exponentially. I can only imagine what the other sites are getting but we hope this does you justice

Until June!
Themoonisdown

PS Want to send Stephenie us an email?! Do it!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

*obviously Stephenie Meyer didn’t answer any of these questions, we just have overactive imaginations*

Questions for Stephenie about Midnight Sun

With the excitement of Monday’s surprise announcement, the launch of our LTT Store, Running our contest through Thursday, and the hundreds of dirty dishes piling up on my kitchen counters, we’ve been busy. Our email inbox has been filled with contest entries, fun messages from long-time lurkers and lots and lots of question suggestions for Stephenie Meyer. I think we need an assistant. Brookelockart has been offering her services for years, but turns out she expects payment other than the promise of UC & Moon co-written smutty fan fic starring her, Edward & Larry411. Who knew!? Anyway, a theme has emerged from the questions we’ve been told to ask so far: Midnight Sun, Midnight Sun, Midnight Sun…..I’ve had two fan letters about this very topic sitting around for awhile now, so I thought today would be the perfect time to share them!

Please, God. No

Dear Stephenie:

Brooke’s letter to you when the news about the Bree novella broke pretty much said it all: We want Midnight Sun- not some story about a newborn who barely had a blip of a connection with Bella and Edward (though I know I will end up buying it).

But with the desire for Midnight Sun that is so strong its painful, I would like to ask one thing of you WHEN you relieve our suffering and finish the book (I can’t bare to think of out as an if):

Please don’t have Edward purposely pick out that specific outfit on the day of the meadow so he can match Bella. Tell me that after I read the Midnight Sun draft and (naturally) went back to re-read Twilight, I misinterpreted a detail with the extra information I had. I noticed that Bella, the night before going out to the meadow with Edward, no only gratuitously used “drugs” (cough medicine), but she fussed over what she was going to wear. Does that mean she laid her clothes out? Because Edward was most likely in her room that night watching her sleep. PLEASE tell me that she didn’t lay out the ensemble and Edward saw it and thought that somehow it would be a good idea to dress alike.

Hey Bells, I noticed you picked out Brown panties for today. Me too

Have you seen couples that do this? It’s not cute- it’s not sweet. I cringe whenever I see this atrocity. But more so, it’s not something Edward would do. But I felt I had to mention it because I didn’t think he would have kept a lemonade bottle cap as a “token” either, which made me worry that maybe my fear was valid.

So please, keep that in mind. And for the love of all that is holy finish Midnight Sun!

Thanks,
JacobEdwardsWife

PS – I can never thank you enough for your choice of Jacob and Edward’s names. But THANK YOU 😉

We ponder more Midnight Sun stuff after the jump!

Twilight Unicorns, Dads & gynecologists

Hardcore Twilight Lover

Dear people who aren’t as excited as I am that it’s Friday but who are probably still pretty excited,

Did you catch how I mentioned on last weekend’s Open Post that one day while in Mexico I was relaxing by myself in a chair in the pool & I looked to my left and saw a woman, who I swear had a tattoo that looked vaguely familiar- (red flowing ribbon? I didn’t want to stare too hard but I considered pretending to take a picture of the iguana hanging out a few feet beyond her), whose husband settled in a chair next to her and whipped out a Twilight book- just like that. In public. Dude. I don’t even think I’d do that anymore. Cause if I did, guarantee someone sees it who’s a non-normal Twihard and wants to talk stuff that normally makes my pulse race, but not on VACATION. While other PEOPLE are around! Or she’d be sorta a fan, and in conversation with her I’d say something that makes it OBVIOUS I know way too much about this stuff…. Either way- lose, lose. No Twilight books in public for me! So it was a shocker to see this Unicorn be so open about it! I really wanted to ask him some questions. I almost got up the nerve to ask him for a picture. Dammit- I should have interviewed him. I was on my 3rd Caprina drink & it was 11 am.. what was WRONG with me!?

Anyway, seeing my Unicorn on vacation got me missing the good ol’ days when we’d spot Unicorns on planes, in our chat sessions, in the beds next to us & in the break room at work. They may be harder to spot these days, but as evidenced by the following letters, they are still out there!

We need to get your dad one of THESE- A Dadcase to hold books 1-4. PLUS there's room for the New Moon lunchbox & thermos- perfect to tote your midday snack at work!

Dear LTT,

I had to share my Dad’s thought’s on Twilight… Yes, he has thoughts on Twilight!

First of all, my Dad is almost 60. He reads constantly – good literature, autobiographies, history. He’s been known to preview movies before letting his kids watch them, just to make sure that there weren’t any unexpected and HUGELY offensive surprises. Of course, now his youngest child is 30 so he didn’t really need to worry about what we might discover in these “teen books”!  So…why did he read ALL 4 BOOKS? Because he has two grown daughters who haven’t been able to get over them. We’ve been discreet but little things outing our enthusiasm occasionally slip past our self constructed censors… (i.e. I took a trip to visit my sister in Paris and we just so happened to wait in line with all of the Parisian twihards to see New Moon on opening weekend!)  They all added up to him becoming a little intrigued

So with shock and awe I lent him my precious 4 books. Here is his review (yes, he reviewed them without my prompting! He does things like that!):

“Okay, first, I’ll try not to give away the details as half the interest of a series on vampires and acquaintances is in the unfolding of the narrative.

Second, I surprised myself by really enjoying all four books – there is no way the movies can do justice … but I might sneak a peek at one of them anyway.

4 books:
Book 1 – good start for the first 25%, bogged down in the second 50% making me think this might really be chick romance literature with a few twists, but the last 25% was action filled and full of suspense.

Book 2 – Okay, vampires AND werewolves no less. Interesting, nothing so goofy that you can’t make yourself pretend its plausible – after all, we are reading about vampires …

Book 3 – Another twist! And another! and one or two more – the author keeps adding in “life” and this reader keeps reading to see if nothing else whether she can keep this tale together.

Book 4 – I could hardly bear another book – what else could the author do with this saga, and this book at least looks bigger than any of the first three… Well, she found new directions, and carried through. This one was a page turner 75% of the time. This reader was trapped in a story that simply had to be read, as I had no idea where it would go.

And from this saga, the author is able to speak on themes of love, loyalty, family, “extended family,” responsibility, decision making, trustworthiness, choices, regrets, etc that teens might not want to read of in any other way.

I know it should NOT be sold with a small group study guide … but it could be.”

Truly, this twilight thing IS like a drug! Could there actually be other Dad’s out there reading Twilight too??

Still in shock,
Sarah

A Unicorn…. at the gynecologist?  Oh yeah, read it after the jump!

Barbie Breaking Dawn Part 2

I’m Bacccckkkkkkkk!!!!! And I missed you so greatly. I had great “Welcome back from vacation” letter plans for today, but CalliopeBlabs graced us with PART 2 of her epic “Breaking Dawn through the eyes of Barbies” and it just couldn’t wait. I can. So make sure you read Part 1 if you haven’t yet, and get ready to laugh & call your mom to have her ship you your old moldy barbies from her basement so you can act out a similar scene. Xo- UC

Dear Summit,

*WAY OVER-DRAMATIC SIGH*

I hate being right. Well… okay, no, that’s definitely a lie, but I mean… I guess, I hate when being right is soooooo easy. And Summit, you make it sooooo easy. NO challenge. NO hesitation. NO uncertainty. I called you out on not having a clue how to handle Breaking Dawn and you didn’t even TRY to sneakily deny my claims. There was no… “oh, look, we’ve picked a location!” or any “oh look we’ve decided on 1 movie vs 2” to counter my claims. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

And now I know… KNOW… that you are just sitting there, twiddling your thumbs, playing in the Ball Pit I’m convinced is not only present at Summit Headquarters but is also the most challenging part of a Summit employees workday, awaiting my next installment of Barbie Breaking Dawn.   You saw the idea and thought… “you know, this Calli, she just might be on to something.” And there you sit… waiting for my direction on how to handle this conundrum you seem to have found yourself in.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you Barbie Breaking Dawn Part 2 … and hope… beyond reasonable hope… that you somehow get your shit together for Breaking Dawn. Because it is going to be ridiculous – Nay EMBARRASSING – if you have your actors start promoting the final filmed installment of the series without providing them with a SOLID, FORWARD MOVING ANSWER to the question they always seem to get: Kristen, are resolute on visiting a McDonald’s in every country and that’s why you were in Hungary? Nikki, at exactly what point did you sell your soul to the devil? Slade, do you feel discriminated against as one of the lone midget directors in Hollywood? Rob, will you actually be trying to knock Kristen up for method purposes during the final film? Taylor, do you know what a vagina is? What is happening with Breaking Dawn?

Until then, I’m going to soldier on and give the people what they have asked for (see how that works?).  Therefore, here is it, the Book that everyone (okay no one) is waiting for…

Breaking Dawn Book 2: Jacobs POV

(the one where I prove this part of Breaking Dawn could just be entertaining.)

Jacob: (petulant and whiny) Woooeee is me… No one to love in my life.

Jacob: Bella! You’re back!

Bella: Come in! Have I got news for you! As if u already didn’t hate Edward… we had sex!

Does Jacob freak out? Does he phase after hearing the news? Does he put on 60s-era Beatles clothes? Find out after the jump

Tweed Edward vs High-School Edward

I’m almost home! Have you missed me? Probably not, because I posted some pretty kick-ass fan letters this week. THIS ONE is not any different!

Dear Summit Execs/Twilight & New Moon hair, makeup & wardrobe people:

Allow me to introduce myself:  I’m a thirty-something married mom.  Middle class, suburbs, Midwesterner, blah blah blah.  All I’m missing is the minivan and that’s only because that would cramp my style.  But I digress.  My purpose of writing is to discuss with you the urban myth of women hitting their sexual primes in their 30s.  When I turned 30, my husband waited with baited breath but as I was 4 days away from going into labor with our 2^nd child, there was no sexual awakening that night.  The next year, same thing-hubs crossing the digits-but apparently taking care of a 3 year old and a 1 year old doesn’t make you frisky.  Who knew??  Another year or two or four went by and the husband was like a kid who has found out Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

Then in April 2009, I picked up Twilight.  I started reading it one night in bed while the hubs was snoring next to me, probably dreaming of Farrah Fawcett (holdover adolescent crush, RIP Jill Munroe).  I read through a few chapters and was intrigued but not hooked.  Yet.  That next night, I had a naughty dream about Edward and woke up………IN LOVE.

Cue obsession with all things Robward.

Cue voracious reading of consecutive novels in “The Saga” and the first of MANY viewings of Twilight.

Cue husband’s disdain (jealousy?) of my obsession.

Cue my discovery of the “fade to black” blanks filled in via *speaks reverently* FAN FICTION.

Cue………sexual prime!

See husband’s happy face as he finds out “Yes, Virginia, Santa DOES exist.”

Myth busted, Summit.  With a little help from a fictional character from  young adult novels, of course.

So why the hell am I writing to you, Summit execs and movie hair/makeup/wardrobe people, you ask?  Because as a newly inducted member of the “Sexual Prime Club” who fantasizes about sharpening her claws, I find myself noticing young adult men in ways I never did.  (That’s normal, right?  And I did say “adult.”)  Twilight allowed me to perv on a hot, hot, hot seventeen-year-old who is really a 108-year-old vampire but portrayed by a 23-year-old man!  GENIUS!  WIN for cougars everywhere.  I can fantasize but it’s legal.  I can lust but there’s no threat of jail time and ridicule from my peers.  (Well, there’s always ridicule but no threat of “pedophile” spray-painted on my driveway.)  I can perv without a visit from Chris Hansen.

This kiss gave me the chills.  He sneaked into her bedroom!  How hot to my thirty-something old self that knows how creepy it should be! “I just wanna try one thing” INDEED!

The T shirt.  That tight jaw.  The bad-boy sheepish grin.  The crazy driving.  The stalking and voyeurism.  It’s like someone read my 14-year-old self’s diary!

Then…..New Moon happened.  (And some particularly angst-ridden FF.  And some dreaded Christmas shopping. And flu season.)

Allow this chart to illustrate:

How Twilight/New Moon affected my sex life:

This is supposed to keep my sexual prime going strong?

WTF, Summit?  Where did that hot, hot, hot high school boy go?  I don’t WANT to crush on my college Anthropology professor!  I don’t WANT to fantasize about chalk dust on tweed.  I don’t WANT to role-play getting an A for “extra credit.”  (Wait-scratch that.  That kinda sounds fun.)  I don’t WANT Edward to be as grumpy as my grandpa discussing the Great Depression and how every “kid” under the age of 45 is on drugs.

I WANT my illicit (yet legal) thrills, Summit.  I WANT high school Edward back.  Now I know Eclipse will be out soon so this letter may be too late, but millions of thirty-something libidos (and the future happiness of their partners) are counting on you.  Leather, NOT  tweed.  Sex hair, NOT old man hair.  Tight, sexy jeans, NOT elastic-waist “slacks.”  The Cullen crest cuff, NOT Grandpa’s pocket watch.

To recap:

YES please

HALE NO!

Keep the myth alive, Summit.  (You can probably expect another letter before Breaking Dawn so you don’t go the “Dad” route on Edward with sneakers and bald spots.  “Teenaged” dads can be HOT too.)

Signed,

USDA Prime

Why have we never discussed this before? Teenage Edward vs. Old Man Edward. MOON & UC FAIL! What do you think? Are you into OldManward? Or do you like the idea of the 17 year old who is really 108 but played by a 23 year old Teenagerward?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

My “Twilight: Is This Really Happening To Me” Moment

Dear LTT gals, ladies & Bobbygee (wherever you are, *sniff*),

I miss you. I’m here in sunny (please be sunny next week, please be sunny) Mexico just thinking about you, missing Moon, wondering what The Font & White Yorkie are confused about in the Twilight world & just all around really wishing you were all relaxing in paradise with me. Sorta.

Before I left for the land of never-ending margaritas, nachos on the beach & fresh lobster for dinner, I received an email from LTT-reader turned real-life friend turned girl who is going to make my gardens look pretty (her family owns a local nursery I love. Oh and by “gardens” I, of course, mean the 2 plastic pots I have sitting on the stoop outside of my apartment), Yellow911T, with the following message I just had to share:

This is normal: There are Virginia Blue Bells blooming all over the yard at our new house and it was looking a little too much like “the meadow” to resist. I borrowed cardboard Edward (Cardward? Boardward?) from my sister a had my fiancee take this picture for me. He was really embarrassed and worried that the neighbors might see us. Oh well.

I.Freakin.Love.Her (and seriously- those flowers are outside of her house!?).

What I love the most about it though is that it’s… just normal. For us anyway. Twilight has infiltrated so much of our lives. We all know that by now- nothing should shock us!

Then we go this email from a reader with the best story proving that exact point, and I had to share this as well!

The merging of two great things....

Dear LTT,

Very recently I went through one of those things in a young woman’s life that is both traumatic and earth shattering. I got dumped. By a guy I REALLY liked and thought could be “the one.” We had tons in common; he wasn’t a vampire (cause we all know how difficult that makes things), we both love Star Wars, and we had great chemistry. BOOM. He even admitted on our first date he has seen the Twilight movies with his 13 year old niece, he didn’t love them, but he saw them because she loves them. Nice right? I thought so too. So after awhile of courting (he was Edward old fashioned, he even like butterscotch candies) I felt safe enough to say “this guy is my boyfriend and everything is FANTASTIC!”

Man, was I wrong. Shortly after my announcement to family and friends that we were exclusive, said “boyfriend” told me he didn’t think I was “appropriate” for his type of life style. What this really meant was that he, being old fashioned, didn’t think my “fast” personality was right for him. That I wasn’t a “good” girl. I was devastated. Not only am I a good girl, I’m a great girl. Sure, I occasionally partake in alcohol, cigarettes, Twilight movies, and sexy make outs (trying to keep it PG-13), but that doesn’t make me “fast.” So I did what all girls do when they’re grieving (no not a three month montage to Lykke Li) I went out with my girlfriends to get drunk. Is it constructive? No. Does it help make the sad thoughts diminish for a few hours? Yes. So we go out to the local bars and who do we run into……the very, very recent ex.

That was the last straw. He looked at me with those judgmental eyes, I stared back with my drunk KStew bitch face, and I knew what I had to do. I had to find my back up, my second in command, the old stand by, I needed to find my Jacob Black. And three shots of tequila later I did. One of my oldest, dearest friends walks into the bar and walks right over to me. We are incredibly close and on occasion, have been known to “hook up.” So while the ex looked on I weaved my magic with my version of Jacob Black and before you know it we’re having a steamy make out session Twilight Fan Fic worthy. Still aggravated about being dumped cause I wasn’t a good girl, I asked, “do you think I’m a good girl?” To which he replies “anyone who leg hitches like that isn’t a good girl.” Word for word. I almost died. DIED laughing. Here we are in this intimate moment and I’m laughing my ass off and say “did you just say leg hitch, while my leg is wrapped up around your hip?” He says “yeah so what?” So what? Well now my attention was completely turned to David Slade, Eclipse, Edward, LTT comments, and most of all the question “is the guy I’m about to sleep with a unicorn?” Turns out….he is. He’s actually a Twilight-word-using unicorn. If I hadn’t completely sobered up at this point I would have thought I was dreaming. But I wasn’t. This ridiculous situation was actually happening.

After realizing a Twilight-word-using unicorn had his hand up my shirt a mixture of arousal/disgust washed over me. I didn’t know if I should be offended that my leg hitching made me “bad” or excited cause maybe I could rope this mythical creature and keep him forever. Turns out, unicorns aren’t all they are cracked up to be and his fondness for Ashley Greene annoys and confuses me. SO needless to say I used that unicorn and then sent him back to the depths of RPatz’s hair forest until I need to use him again, but I’ll never forget the night “leg hitching” was used to describe an aggressive sexual foreplay move in real life and not just by the craziness that is Stephanie Meyer.

Love,

TeamJorts

Oh girl- The ONLY thing that would have made this story better was if you were actually WEARING jorts at the time!!

So I must get back to my vacationing in the land of Tequila Tomas (he says hi). As Twilight follows me EVERYWHERE, I’m sure I will come home regaling you with stories of Mexican-Twilight adventures. Get ready!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What is your “Twilight: Is this really happening to me?” Moment?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

A Rebuttle: The Font wants to talk about the Leg Hitch and life and 93 Buicks

*Because we like to beat dead horses here at LTT and because the Font has a response to my letter from yesterday that you need to read and then hug someone after, here he is to talk about his take on The Leg Hitch*

Hey Twi-Fans.

How are you? Good? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.

So what’s been going on since we last talked? Oh, did someone write gay fan fiction about you and a close friend? Did you get yelled at on Twitter about Michael Vick by someone who is now blurring the line between fan and friend? Did a pretty girl you were interested in refer to you as “that Twilight guy” in person? No, no, sorry. I’m getting your life confused with mine.

But listen. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about Leg Hitch or whatever the fuck it’s called.

I cannot believe all of you women are getting this excited about dry sex. Seriously.

Yeah, sure, foreplay’s exciting NOW. Where were you when a generation of teenage males were locking themselves in their rooms eight times a day? If you would have asked a fourteen year old Font “hey buddy, what do you want to do all day?” I would have responded “dry sex and video games.” Maybe something about collectible card games if you caught me in the right month.

Now, I certainly was not unwillingly abstinent from dry sex for too long in my teenage years (thank you Cinco De Mayo pageant queens), and I harbor no grudges about teenagers being slow to give into their Font-related jean-on-jean urges. I get it. They were young and confused.

BUT. My point is this. When Moon explained what it actually was, I got confused, because that is like rank amateur shit. I was “leg hitching” in the back of my 1993 Buick Skylark before I was legal to drive it. It is not a complicated procedure. It is also not that uncommon.

It’s sort of like someone explaining to a pitcher what a curveball is. He’s almost going to get confused about what they’re talking about, because it’s so simple. What’s the big deal? Put your hand in the ‘C’ shape, twist and swing it over the corner of the plate. You’ve done it a thousand times before you got out of little league.

[Please appreciate how hard it was to not make a sex joke in the previous paragraph.]

All this to say! You are not really excited about Leg Hitching. You are excited about having a man desperately in love with you finally being willing to profess that love in a tangibly physical way. If there’s a takeaway for the legions of fourteen year old girls that I know read this blog daily: it’s that sex (even dry sex) matters.

None of the dudes you fall in love with is going to be as pretty as Edward, or have his literally rock hard abs. That is science. But they can love you the way that he does: not just cause you’re gonna give it up, or because he doesn’t like being alone, or because you’re a prop in the production that is his life.

And T&A is plentiful. There are always more nineteen year olds with tighter abs and thinner thighs, there’s always a new exciting girl with new noises and new things to say about how interesting your job/car/suit is.

But the SOUL, right? That stays. That’s eternal. You love a woman for something you can’t see, you’ll be there for awhile.

There’s an Edward out there for you. Some dude you’ll get excited about basic sex moves for. It’s worth separating the wheat from the chaff.

Yes, I actually wrote a post about the value of sex while using a vampire metaphor.

Until the next time someone says something dumb that upsets me,

The Font

Number one, let’s get mad at The Font for calling us 14 year old girls when clearly we don’t allow them here (although they occasionally sneak on. Hey little girl- Taylor Lautner probably likes boys now- you need to go on a Justin Bieber fan site.) Secondly, what do you think? Is The Font, gulp, right? Thirdly, do you like how I got carried away with all the motivational posters? Those are so addicting. Oh, and The Font thought of ALL of them!

Kinda think you might be crushin’ on “The Twilight Guy?” Read more from him

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilight and LTT become more than just a book and more than just a blog for Freya

*I hope you have some water proof mascara on and a hankie handy cause Freya write US  (that doesn’t happen very often!) a special letter on her one year anniversary*

awwww memories!

Dear Moon and UC:

It’s my one year anniversary commenting on LTT!  I finally came out of lurkdom on April 19, 2009, and commented on a post on Kellan.  I’d been hanging out on LTR and LTT for about a month, since the Twilight DVD came out, and I saw how cute Rob was when he talked on the commentary, and I proceeded to Google everything Twi-related.  Which, of course, led me to you.

I have to get a little Twintimental and Twilosophic here, which is not my normal way, but I have to say, Twilight and LTT have changed my life.  Literally.  I knew when I put my first comment out there that I was stepping into an established society of commenters.  I felt like it was already a clique as people commented back and forth all day long, not just talking about Twilight, but also about daily life.  I was worried, because I had never commented on a blog before. But Kellan was oiled up and dirty and reading Purpose-Driven Life and Moon referenced the Song of Solomon—I couldn’t help but ask Kellan to reenact passages from the Song of Solomon with me.  And low and behold, out of the 27 comments that day (can you believe it?  So few!), both VickyB and Moon responded back to me, laughing at my joke! (Moon, the first few times you or UC commented on anything I wrote, I fangirled a little.  I won’t lie.) I became a commenter in that moment.  Then the Forum came along, and I really started to interact with the lovely ladies of LTT.

Then came Twitter, and I was a goner.  I could Tweet all day long, look at pictures of Rob, and keep abreast of all the Twi news.  And in the course of that, I really got to know some people. I began to associate names and faces with the funny, witty comments.  I began to share more and more of myself.  And it rose above being just about those “vegetarian vampires” or Rob’s hotness, and instead became about the relationships that I was lucky enough to develop.

Who doesn't write their 1st novel in silver ink?

When I first read Twilight (and subsequently New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn in rapid succession), I had decided to be pragmatic.  I gave up on having a dream in life.  I didn’t have time for love, friendships, or my own creativity.  There was work, and blankly staring at the TV, and that was pretty much it.  I felt numb.  Then (as dumb as it may seem), I read Twilight, and fell a little bit in love with Edward.  And like an involuntary itch that you have to scratch, I found the need to write something.  In the course of three months, I wrote an entire novel.  I will never publish this novel, but it was an amazing experience, because I knew that I COULD write a whole book, if I wanted to.  That was empowering to me.  And I felt more alive than I had in a long time.  Then I began to get to know people (now that I wasn’t holed up with my novel every night), and I started to really want to be friends with people I was meeting, not just to talk about Twilight.

Some of my best friends now are people I met here, and I couldn’t be more grateful.  I’ve done a few meet-ups with some fantastic people—Brooke Lockart, Marta, Stage Manage This, It’s La Push Baby, Jordan the unicorn, and Krazy Kidd are people I’ve all been fortunate enough to meet in real life. I’ve got big vacation plans for this summer to meet up with even more fabulous people I’ve met here.

I could have never predicted, last year when I first hesitantly wrote my mini-letter to Kellan, how much I would need friends this year.  That I would need people who lived outside of my life, who could listen, sympathize, and laugh with me.  People to talk books and music and makeup with on any given day.  People who would give me a new perspective and enrich my life.  Letters to Twilight has given me people who seem hand-picked, just right for being my friends. They  have been the key to my sanity when my world seems insane, the refuge from all the things I can’t control right now.

So, to my LTT friends, thank you for being good friends.  For all the talks, the gifts, the encouragement, and the love, I thank you so much. My world would be bleak without your friendship.

Yea, thanks guys!

To the cast of Twilight, thank you for being so ridiculously good-looking.  Not to mention funny, bright and interesting enough for me to YouTube you, Google you, and find this place.

To Stephenie Meyer, thank you for listening to Bella and Edward and making them come to life in the pages of your books.  Without them, I wouldn’t have had the impetus to make some changes in my life and to reach out to these people.  You are to credit for creating this community in the first place.

To Moon and UC, thank you for being so incredibly funny and devoted and for becoming my friends, as well.  I know you never anticipated this being what it is now, and that it’s evolved almost organically.  But the fact is, without your willingness to slog through every day, whether you felt like it or not, this all would not be.  You’ve brought together hundreds of people.  You’ve spawned countless friendships.  You’ve given us a spot in your lives, and in turn, have received a spot in ours.  I love you ladies.

My love for Twilight may wane, my love for Rob cool to passing interest, but for the very real people here, I hope that our friendships last a very long time, indeed.

Love,
Freya

dangit Freya now my eye make ups all jacked up but I lurve you anyway! We’ve said it a billion times bit we’re glad we can be a place where friends meet and friendships are born. Twilight is just the catalyst for all this and we couldn’t be happier because of it. So have you made any friends through LTT/LTR or that Micheal Buble forum you’re apart of or the NKOTB fan club you were in back in the day? Tell me about i!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Appreciation for the supporting cast

We love the Twilight supporting cast- we really do. From Butcrack Santa to Tequila Tomas, and Big Daddy Lautner to Michael Oregano we can’t get enough of them. Even if they were killed off in the first movie, don’t really exist or aren’t really ‘cast’ members- they are in our hearts. We’re not alone in our love for the smaller parts of the Twilight cast:

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Dear Twilight,

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I would like to express my appreciation for your supporting characters who don’t get as much time in the limelight as the main cast:

Thank you for staring at me, my young friends...

Aro– Thanks for being a traditional vamp. You’re an intriguingly odd blend of hand wringing, “My Precious” coveting, Golum mixed with Paul Reubens from the Buffy movie. Your cat-playing-with-a-mouse demeanor just kills. I may have even dabbled a little in Team Aro on occasion (just briefly and ’cause I’m old). But alas, Aro, I don’t think you’d be on my team, ifyouknowwhatimsayin.


Jane’s Eyebrows- Above that fabulous smokey eye is a well groomed, but very prominently wide eyebrow. It’s comforting. It takes me back to my early childhood in the 80’s where eyebrows were encouraged to run wild. It was a simplier time for eyebrows, back then. Brooke Shield’s -before-she-was-peddling-Latisse caterpillers were “the Rachel” of the eyebrow world. True, we have Rob’s free range eyebrows, but they are an entity all to themselves. Jane’s eyebrows are a waxed, 2nd cousin to Robs. If Rob is Team Eyebrow’s pitcher, Jane is the teams first baseman.
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Anna Kendricks Boobs– Seriously, you could bake cookies on that rack and everyone appreciates a good boob. Daily, I am awash in a sea of clevage (Snow, are you a stripper? No. Are you a mammogram tech? No… I just live in the OC) and all I can say is Nice Tits. Go Team Boobs!
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Carlisle’s Scarf Collection– Carlisle, I’m jealous and I admire your appreciation of neckware. You’ve seen centuries of neckcessories come and go, from Ruffs, to Cravats, to Ascots, to Neckties, and now scarves. I bet you have some cashmere beauties tucked away. Caius likes scarves too. Were you two, like, scarf buddies back in the day? Team Scarf? (OK I just pictured the opening scarf scene from “Basic Instinct” and now I’m a little creeped out). Anyway, I’d love any of your cast offs. Mmmmm I bet they smell delicious.
Secret
Jacob’s Teary Wolf Eye– Oh how you made me howl with sadness and oh how I was Team Jacobed in that moment. The “Academy” should give a nod to The Eye. The Eye made me feel. The Eye can ACT. (OK, maybe I’m projecting here because my dog gives me the same sad eye, hang head, dejectedly skulks out of the room whenever he catches me putting on non-dog walking shoes. Guilt is powerful). Oh Sad Wolf Eye, how you break my heart.
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Ashley Greene’s Painted on Bikini Pictures– Many of us have that pesky 15 5 pounds to lose. I lost 4 lbs. following the What Would Ashley Eat diet. On “What Would Ashley Eat”, or W.W.A.E. for short, One simply asks herself when, say, choosing a salad dressing, would Ashley pick Bleu Cheese? HALE No. She’d probably use lemon juice and salt &pepper. Lemon is a great diet aide. You don’t get those fierce hollow cheeks without suckin some sour. For that 9 PM snack, when dinner just wasn’t quite enough, instead of reaching for crackers (would Ashley? No), grab some almonds and a big glass of tequilla organic fat free milk. I’m thinkin there is another component to this diet, like What Would Ashley Throw-up, but I’m not going to go there.
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Appreciating the supporting cast like a good bra,
snowwhitedrifted


Don’t forget Angela’s camera! And what about that kid who almost kills Bella with his car? And MRS. Cope! Poor flustered by 17-year-old Edward-Cullen, Mrs. Cope! What secondary “Characters” do YOU love!?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter