What the Twilight cast does when there’s no Twilight to do

Dear LTTers,

With Kristen Stewart at Sundance finding herself a new fake lesbian life partner and Rob growing a beard and packing on the pounds before he starts filming Bel Ami, the rest of the Twilight cast is heaving a sigh of relief thinking their off LTT’s radar at the present moment.

Not so fast

Today we’re going to explore what the cast members of Twilight are doing with their time off. We’re going to provide you with all the information you’ve never wanted to know about where people like Justin Chon and Michael Welch spend their days when they’re not Twilight promo-ing it up.

What fake tan?

Where’s our favorite naked girl been, Ashley Greene? Not to be outdone by Kristen Stewart into “Welcome to the Rileys,” is she currently walking Santa Monica Ave looking for some real life prostitution experience? Has she been stripping at Jumbos Clown Room but donating her earnings to a Haitian relief fund? I don’t know. Maybe. Why don’t we hop on over to WhereIsAshleyGreene
GonnaBeNakedNext.com to find out. Oh look! Her latest spread (ahem) is in Savvy Magazine which a magazine no one has heard of. Well, their 300 twitter followers have heard of them.

Will she be showing up to the Grammys on Sunday with one Mr. Jared Followhill of Kings of Leon (her New Moon premiere date)? Did she pay off the 16 year old cleaning the booths at the Hollywood Tan with naked pictures of Rob (stolen from Nikki Reed’s private collection) in order to stay under the bulbs for 45 minutes longer than the legal limit?

Ashley wears short jorts

Is she starring in a remake of that famous 80’s Nair commercial “Who wears short shots” with the new improved lyrics: “Who wears short jorts. Nail wears short jorts?”

I think so.

What about Anna Kendrick? Oh yeah, she’s been winning the hearts of Hollywood and being nominated left and right for “Best Supporting Actress”. She’s also been busy practicing the look on her face for when she loses every award she’s up for to Mo’nique. She calls it her “frownsmile.” She’ll look sad enough to show she wanted to win badly, but happy enough to prove she’s a gracious loser.

Also she’s been talking about George Clooney and Rob Pattinson EVERYWHERE. And let’s be honest, that’s not a bad gig

What else is new in Twi (kinda) land? Find out after the jump!

Wanna see what I'm hiding?

Where has Taylor been. Did Big Daddy eat him? Or worse- did he get caught with a burger Animal-Style at In-N-Out (a big Lautner family no-no) and feel the wrath of one Daniel Lautner? No. In fact- here he is in some Men’s Health outtakes with an appropriately placed left hand in one last attempt to crowd our county jails with women and provide Chris Hansen with a job for 15 more days.

He owns Taylor

Where’s Big Daddy? Cause he’s most definitely not at the Colt’s game with Taylor. This dude who seems to have a tag that says “owner” so let’s assume he owns the Colts, or at least an In-N-Out. And Taylor found a pretty blonde to chat up during the game. And it seems to me that she’s going to be in for a rude awakening when Chris Hansen visits her door tomorrow to remind her that she has 15 more days until she’s allowed to be looking that happy about Taylor.

Expelliarmus bitch

Nikki Reed is cast as the lead in the all-female remake of a beloved Children’s story. Her character’s name is “Harriet Potter”
(This is in no way true. She did some stuff this past month. There are some hot and semi-dirty pictures you can look at if you really want to)


It's Marty's first...

How about Jackson and those 100 Monkeys? Have they written a hit song yet? Have they written a song that doesn’t cause everyone other than TwiMoms with their custom-made, bedazzled Monkey-bags to run in fear? NO! But they did pose for a picture with a fan who probably had one too many “banana shots” to try to drown out the noise they call music to realize that what she thought was a funny “I’m gonna pretend to give Marty the Bananager’s Banana costume a blow job” idea would be plastered all over the internet.

Kellan has been busy practicing his best sad face ever to become the forgotten husband of Mandy Moore in his new movie Love, Wedding, Marriage. Reading the synopsis of the movie, we’re not quite sure yet how Kellan is going to work in a partially nude scene (or a shirtless sequence where he can at least show off the “V” muscles), but we’re confident he’ll figure it out. We’re also pretty sure he told Mandy to “Tell Bryan I love “Summer of ’69′” during their first conversation. He, of course, thinks she’s married to Bryan Adams and not Ryan Adams. Believe me, us Ryan Adams fans sometimes still think we heard the news wrong and she really did marry Bryan.

Who said there was NOTHING going on in the Twi world!? There is PLENTY to talk about, look at and look forward to! And I even ran out of time and didn’t get a chance to share allllll that Justin & Michael are up to!!! NEXT TIME!


Are you a “TwiMom” who likes to bedazzle canvas bags and iron faces of Twilight actors on them? Then this place is probably not for you. But, if you’re a TWIMILF who would never in a million years do something that lame, then the TWIMILF thread on the Forum is JUST for you! The gals over at The TwiMilf thread are awesome, funny & ready to welcome any of you new TWIMILFS with open arms! Get your puffy paint pens ready so that you can make Moon & I some valentine’s cards together!!! Check out the TwiMilf Forum!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Thanks to ALL These places today!

102 Responses

  1. Can I just say that I envy Anna’s position. I mean, who gets both George AND Rob? I think Anna might need to pull out those kindergarten skills and learn to share 🙂

  2. Poor Twi-cast. Bet you made them all Frownsmile.

  3. I didn’t actually read the post yet. I just wanted to hurry and comment so that I could tell everyone that I still don’t get the KStew appeal.

  4. that was great. i feel “all up to date and now up late”!

    but umm, Rob Lowe… totally doesn’t own Tay… just saying… 😉

    • Haha I THOUGHT he looked familiar!!! Me= fail

      • I think you need to have a Brat Pack marathon and remember who these Twi-stars founding fathers are! Get it together! I wonder if Rob Lowe ever mistakenly thought letterstorob.com was for him. 😉 hahahaha

      • Oooooh! woah, i am in shock and awe that i caught something you missed! well we wrok as a team, right? Team Twi? Team LTT? Team UC? 😉

  5. “Who wears short jorts?”


  6. Expelliarmus bitch!

    Accio Beardward!

    Erecto sparklepeeno!

    Levicorpus haters!

    You know what Avada Kadavra does?

    Turns you into a hawt, sparkly vampire!

  7. I just saw Up in the Air the other night, and I think Anna really deserves that Oscar nomination. She was all right-out-of-college bitchy know-it-allness. And George is… well… George. No further commentary needed.

    I heard Ryan Adams once had security throw a guy out of his show because said guy thought it would be funny to request Summer of 69.

  8. George Clooney would love her. What would it be like dating your father or grandfather? In and out burgers are great. he should eat a ton of them. What’s in a name. They have the same last name — http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  9. Noooooo! Why oh why did you leave us hanging like that? Where are Justin and Mike!?! I must know!

  10. Justin Chon is currently exploring his options and thinking really hard about doing the off broadway play, “Gaysian Invasion.” Mike Welch is in therapy. Everyone thought the scene in New Moon between him and Taylor at the movies was just good acting. It wasn’t. Taylor literally scared the poo out of Mike and he’s now meeting with top psychologists to recover from being called a marshmallow.

  11. I don’t think I stopped giggling the entire time I spent reading this post. Just FYI. =)

    Anna Kendrick is all kinds of awesome. I just loved her character in Up in the Air.

  12. I totally thought Rob Lowe and Taylor were holding hands. I had to enlarge to be sure. 15 more days, Rob! Keep it in the pants until then!

  13. “WhereIsAshleyGreeneGonnaBeNakedNext.com” hehehehe.

    All the boring crap in ‘Love, Wedding, Marriage’ will finally come to and end when after 90 minutes forgotten husband Kellan grows a pair, takes off his shirt and says “I’m pretty sure you haven’t forgotten this”. *flexes pecs*
    The End.

  14. Mandy Moore is married to Ryan Adams???!!!

    Gasp! (This is my 9 year olds’ new vocab word, we are trying to use it in everday conversation)

    • that was news to me too… but at 1st i was like, “WHO?!” so i “Wiki”ed and saw that he contributed to the Elizabethtown sndtrk (which i LOVE) and i learned that he’s from my local area! WOAH! literally a short drive from my house! crazy… small world… it’s like the Twi-version of “7 degrees of separation”!!!

  15. Hilar UC! I wish I could pull off “short jorts.” I’m a little jealous of Ashley’s rockin bod but I think I remember her telling someone that she got it by starving herself so maybe I’m not that jealous. And that chick biting the banana is classic but I’m sure it made every guy in that picture cringe a little.

  16. Anna was so funny on the red carpet. She totallly fake smiled when it was time to pose then once she thought the cameras were off her she scowled and walked away. Oh funny!

  17. Dammit, I wanted more controversey or contraversey? See I still can’t spell goo!

    • You see, this is the first time I’m telling this to a complete stranger on the web, so you have got to take it at least a bit seriously. Are you ready? OK…. iloveyou!
      I’ve loved you for some time now and especially yesterday.

  18. Also in loosely related Twi-news, Michael Sheen is currently filming a guest spot on 30 Rock. Not exactly where is Oscar is going to come from, but it will be nice to see him bring the funny with Liz Lemon.

  19. What’s with pregnant blonde Huckleberry Finn behind Rob Lowe and Taylor?

  20. havent seen up in the air, but heard it was good
    we’ll see if i get to drag my hubby w/me :]

    “Ashley wears short jorts” hahah that was hilar
    i couldnt stop laughin for some reason…

    Have a good day!!

  21. TOLD you I’m gonna have to go blonde (to get a chance to even talk to him, which I will do… in my head….. across the street…. three blocks down…..in another state)
    Sorry for Rambo Panda yesterday…not feeling funny today…I’ve been drained of the happy and my reset button has not been pushed.

    • Ugh I totally understand! We need to forget the events of yesterday -coughpauletacough- and and get back to the fun ridiculous real reasons we come here – sparklepeens and jailbait.

      • You KNOW your life is errr…different when two words like sparklepeen and jailbait makes you smile. Thanks DJ…*hugs*

        • Yay! IWL is smiling again!

        • Seriously normal! Just like the Jacob “book bracelet” I own. And in case you have never heard of a book bracelet (I hadn’t until I received this most splendid of gifts) it’s basically a GIANT hair tie with jewels and a picture of Taycob’s gorgeous face staring at you, wrapped around whichever book you happen to be reading for the zillionth time, and he chivalrously holds your place! See – normal!

          • Where would one buy such a *wonder* if one was so inclined?

          • I’ve always wanted a real-life Taycob to hold my place in a book (cause thats what BFF’s do in case u need to get a snack) but wow! a book bracelet seems to be the next best thing but of course they wouldnt sell it in NZ cause this is a Twilight ghost town…with one souvenir stand..selling just the books…and maybe a “bite me” shirt. (booooooo!)

          • This particular item of Twilight merchandise (along with a Jacob keychain and TeenBop magazine cover all of Taylor’s life (PS I almost barfed at myself when reading it and seing his baby pictures from, oh, 2004) were part of a “thanks for being my bridesmaid” gift basket I received! I am guessing the bride in question probably braved Hot Topic for these things…I can’t imagine anywhere else that would sell this awesome stuff!

        • It’s so wrong to enter into a meeting with your boss when the last words you read were “sparklepeen and jailbait”.

          • Try and discreetly work it into the conversation.
            “Have u ever had sparkle peen-uts? I heard that they scatter them outside Jail. Bait for the bears that roam around there apparently. U didnt hear this from me but…. they’re NOT bears!”
            Ok that made no sense…I’m sorry I even tried…lol

  22. I don’t know what Justin Chon is up to these days, but I know his haircut is up to. It’s become “The Rachel” of Koreatown.

  23. That chick with the banana costume in her mouth is a brave soul. You don’t wanna know where that thing has been….

  24. I would rather do Rob Lowe than Taytor-tot. Even though he’s getting on a bit. I just love the West Wing. And St Elmo’s Fire, of course 😉

    It still amazes me sometimes that the casting director(s) looked at most of this mob and went – “Vampires. Totally.” I don’t see it. At least Rob is white most of the time!

    • Rob Lowe does not age – he is made of some sort of unnatural substance, like those weird wax lips you used to get as a kid…Whatever happened to his brother, Chad Lowe, of Life Goes On fame?!?!?!? the one who dated Becca (Becky???) and had AIDS????

    • Aren’t you forgetting “Soul Man? Oh wait, that was C. Thomas Howell, I have bratpacknesia.

  25. You know I love a Harry Potter reference in a Twi post…
    “Expelliarmus, Bitch!”

    That’s a thing of beauty.

    So are Ash’s boobs.

    But not Mandy’s dress. She’s clearly seen the softer side of Sears.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: