Where are you Nikki Reed?

Have you seen this girl?

Have you seen this girl?

Dear Nikki,

Monday when I was writing that post about Drunk emailing and how much would it cost to get a Twi star at your party, I was reviewing the list and kept wondering who I left out and then it dawned on me: I left out YOU! And so that’s why I wrote “Nikki – WHO?” Cause seriously girl where the h-word are you?! I’m kind of actually doing a Mom Moon and worrying about you and where you’ve been and how you’re doing. If I wanted to pull a real Mom Moon I’d start calling the LAPD, and area LA Hospitals to see if you’ve turned up. Cause it’s July 14th at 5am in Los Angeles, “Do you know where your Nikki Reed is?” Cause I sure as crap don’t.

So of course it got me thinking… where in the world could you be? And what are you doing? I checked IMDB and the only thing you have current is in pre-pro and that’s K-11 and we KNOW that ain’t filming right now and it might even be up in the air if you’re even still in it, especially if that whole KStew falling out rumor is true.

So then I checked to see if you have any fansites cause if anyone knows what’s up with Twi stars it’s their fans! Can I get an amen? And I find out no one’s updated in about a week. That isn’t good news. Then I hit Twitter, cause that’s all the latest and greatest and guess what all (read 2) fan twitters hadn’t updated in days either. Not even your FAKE twitter counterpart has cared enough to tweet about your fake goings on in over a week!

Accidental gang member or Nike enthusiast??

Accidental gang member or Nike enthusiast??

So it’s left me only a couple options as to where you’ve been…

  • You were driving to LAX one day, took and wrong turn and got lost in south central LA and were jumped into one of the local gangs… crips or bloods? I’d say crips cause you look better in blue than red. If this is true call us maybe we can initiate a trade off with the crips. You for Justin Chon or maybe they want someone beefier like Christian Serratos?
  • You’ve become a hermit spending all your time online at Nike.com designing more ridiculous neon high top sneakers than you know what to do with. My advice? Trash them all and get a nice pair of ballet flats.
  • This whole Oregano thing is true and you’ve chosen him over KStew. WOW if that’s true I really want the dish! Give me the gossip now! And so you two are hanging out at Cathy’s house, smoking up and worming your way into whatever movie she’s doing next. I wish I knew Cathy, I’d love to be an actress.

Take the cut to find out what Nikki’s REALLY been up to. TRUST it’s SOOO good!

But then I did another google search for Nikki Reed and found what you’re doing. I clicked on what I thought would be your official site and BOY was I surprised! I know you might be trying to keep it under wraps but I really think you should share NikkiReed.com (go there NOW!) with THE WORLD! You’ve moved to Canada and completely rebranded yourself as Nikki Reed: Impersonator, Comedienne, Musician, Multi Talented singer, Children’s entertainer, Motivational speaker and dinner theater and special events ready! That’s amazing Nikki!! I think I’d like to hire you for my party but I can’t decide between:

Klondike Kate – um for the obvious fake lesbian innuendo here

Naomi Judd – Hello! I just want to do a duet with you on “Love Can Build a Bridge” cause honey you and KStew need to build a bridge and get over it!

Dolly Parton – cause we all know my love for Islands in the Stream and 9 to 5

and last but certainly not least…
for the 4 people still alive who remember Gun Smoke – Miss Kitty! Seriously Nikki Reed, Miss Kitty?! WTF.

Well now that we know what you’ve been doing with your spare time… would it be two faced of me to say I miss you? I miss you and KStew and your fake lesbian shenanigans. I miss you randomly showing up at events with Rob, or having your friend perform with her band strangely close to a movie set you’re on and I even just miss watching you and your creepy smoking habits. Why don’t you, me and KStew call it a truce?! Let’s meet and go skipping down Melrose hand in hand and call just happen to get “caught” by the paps!

Please send up a smoke signal so we know you’re ok…

Sleepless in LA

PS I netflixed 13 back in March and it’s still sitting by my DVD player… I’ll watch it if you come back.

Don’t miss out on a fan-damn-tabulous Rob letter over at Letters to Rob
Got more ideas on where Nikki could be? Wanna talk about it? The Forum!

64 Responses

  1. I cried whem I went to the website and read: “Nikki Reed: Impersonator, Comedienne, Musician, Multi Talented singer, Children’s entertainer, Motivational speaker and dinner theater and special events ready! ”
    OMG LOL!!!! But where the hell is Nikki? Do something, flash you vagina or something so we know you are ok.

    • yes! do a britney/paris/lohan… get out of a car and flash us your ho-ha! and we’ll know SHE’S ALRIGHT!

  2. It couldn’t have been funnier if you made it up!!!

    I’ve been wondering the same thing, ever since Nikki was a no show at the MTV movie awards. What the hell else would have trumped going to that? Why do I always like to see her and Kristen goofing around, I don’t know, but it was nice to see K playing bff with Ashley for once! Ashley doesn’t get enough love!

    • ashley’s above all that drama! but i would love to see her out and about with the boys!

      • Yeah I agree Moon! She’s so cute with Jackson and Kellan! Going to search for the Atlanta TwiTour recap now.. hopefully someone put up videos of Ashley and Kellan!

  3. “I wish I knew Cathy, I’d love to be an actress.” LOL or that you were her niece so you can get cast in roles where you have nothing in common with the character description….


  4. The Nikki Reed on that side is the one that Rob actually banged. Everyone assumed it was his co-star, but it was really this lady. He requested she dress up like Ethel the Nerd. The good news is, Twi-Moms have a chance.

  5. She’s in rehab.

    After the falling out and final shoots of New Moon she went on a total bender. Drinking, shopping, smoking, calling paps…and it just had to stop. So Oregano and KStew did an intervention and she is in Promises.

    She is doing much better I hear. She has macramed a plant holder for Oregano and KStew as a way of saying thanks.

    One day at a time Nikki, one day at a time.

  6. Holy Sh*t!!! Where did you get that time machine that propelled you into the future 30 years!??? That website is totes Nikki Reed in 30 years. It’s sad that Twilight is so insignificant in 30 years that it doesn’t even warrant a mention on her website. You know, Nikki Reed, Rosalie from Twilight, now performing as…..

  7. All of us Nonstens on the forum know exactly where Nikki is…

      • She’s secretly one of us.
        Keep it on the DL!
        One word.

      • But don’t ask her though.
        She’ll just deny it.

        • I don’t know what you’re talking about. 🙂

          • I knew I ❤ you for a reason Skeeter…….
            Just one thing I want to know……Was Rob as 'GOOD' as the interview said he was? and where's that video? remember we all promised whoever got it first would share……….

          • SKEETER!!! you’ve been holding out on me!! now you’re telling me you’re nikki!!!!!!!

            NO SECRETS!

          • Ruby, you heart me for my quick wit and because I’ve been to your lovely country. Not because I – er Nikki has made Rob weep after sex from telling him no wonder Nina dumped him and no girl will ever love him. He likes to be emotionally tortured after the big O. I left that part out of the fighting and make-up sex story I – er Nikki told the National Enquirer.

            Sorry Moon. Ted C swore me – er Nikki to secrecy. 🙂

  8. First of all, let me just say this happens to ALL ppl who move to Canada…but only the one’s named Nikki…or some variation. It’s not pretty. At. All. I’ve seen it happen. Trust.

    and this..
    “You for Justin Chon or maybe they want someone beefier like Christian Serratos?” (*snort*) Good one!

    Just wait until she resurfaces for Eclipse. She will either have lost or gained twenty lbs.. Stopped smoking, or added two additional packs a day. Be all over the media again, or a filming recluse. Can’t wait to see which extreme she has swung to! Ya, I’m shallow…I’ve embraced it.

    • haha….everyone in Canada? love it

    • “She will either have lost or gained twenty lbs.. ”

      That’s along the lines of what I was thinking. She turned to pizza and Krispy Kreme to get over the loss of her beloved Rob/KStew/Oregano and now Summit is scrambling around finding her a nutritionist and trainer to get her back into Rosalie shape in time.

      Mm. Pizza… that sounds like a good idea..

      • Was she ever in Rosalie shape in the first place???

        • HAHAH YOUCH!!!

          you’re so right we WILL see her very soon! eclipse starts in august!!! she’ll have to dye this red hair she has now from being klondike kate/ethel the nerd/sparkling dolly/mrs claus

        • HAHAHA! MEOW!

          She rocked out those tight baseball pants, didn’t she? I liked that she had a little meat on her, but I think she mostly fell victim to some seriously unflattering clothes and bad camera angles. Like in the cafeteria and it looks like MY ass walking away instead of hers. Oof!

  9. Seriously Nikki, we’re worried. And we miss you. All of you- all the things we’ve made fun of.. we take it back.. COME BACK TO US!

    love it Moon… Love The real Nikki Reed too!

  10. Nikki, let us know that you are well. We love you and we miss you.

  11. i had nikki reed was in london..ave been keeping my eye out for her, i thought i saw few weeks ago but not totally sure, i didnt wana run up to a stranger nd start screaming OHH MA GOSHH UR NIKKI REED>>>it might not ave been her so i just stared untill she disappeared around the corner..but there was magazine that she’s gone 2 london..i bet she’s in africa doin some kind of charity work..

    • Haha there’s the link to what I am referring to below! Didn’t see this before I commented.

    • which one is she?? i cant even figure it out! sad

      • OMG!!!
        In that link you can’t even see her! I only remember where she was b/c I just saw it yesterday – her spot is literally at a point in between the two pictures. If you look at the 2nd photo, she should be standing to the left of the blonde chick, kind of across from the guy. But yeah, you can’t even see her because of the way they cut the photo.
        POOR NIKKI! Will the humiliation never end?

  12. The new Vanity Fair has a spread of “young stars” recreating Depression-era films. Nikki is in the 42nd Street shot. I was flipping through it in line at the store the other day and saw her name and thought, “Wait a tick, don’t I know that chick from somewhere?”

    Glad I’m not the only one who was wondering about her whereabouts/mental state.

  13. @Jax–‘Wait a tick’ LOL, that’s funny.

    Wow, just wow, about that website, I had no idea Nikki had so much range…..Islands in the Stream, hehheh, that’s what I would request, too. Or maybe the song about the coat.

    I watched 13 a lot of years ago, and sort of forget the details, but I do remember thinking “Harumph, no daughter of mine will behave this way at 13.” and then I harumphed again, because I am a fogie where my children are concerned……

  14. Nikki? Who?

    (Gunsmoke! I love you, Moon. I really do.)


    and my last name is wolf. so we’re kind of like sisters.

    wolves howl at the moon.

  16. Moon, you MUST watch 13 – it’s amazing and gives me stomach cramps for my two young daughters. NReed is pretty outstanding in it, but she may or may not have been acting…

    • Yes, 13 is actually a pretty good movie. And if I remember correctly, Nikki co-wrote it and it was semi-autobiographical. Her RL was supposedly like the character played by Evan Rachel Wood.

    • ive heard it’s pretty insane! i can imagine because i knew some crazies in jr high/HS but i never lived that!

      i will watch!

  17. I died laughing. I forgot about her too. Even when thinking about New Moon. I just…forgot.

    Oh man…this is hilarious.

  18. So, I was watching George Clooney on Ellen the other day and I think that we need to start the NikkiWatch ’09.
    You know lure her out of whatever hole she has fallen into.
    find her address and send her tons of the following: a marching band with chippendales dancers, lots of heineken, hot pockets and life-size cardboards of K-Stew wearing a shirt with “fake-lesbians 4ever” written on it.
    I’m sure she would be touched enough to make an appearance.

  19. Poor Nikki. someone on twitter reported seeing her with MA this weekend? i think that’s what kstew411 said…

    Ok, that impersonator thing is ridiculously funny LOL
    Gunsmoke omg

  20. Haha this made me laugh so much!
    Plus I actually saw on twitter this morning that someone spooted Nikki and Oregano together shopping at Wholefoods in LA over the weekend!!
    Maybe it’s on??

  21. I wonder if it’s true?

    What a weird little group… Rob and Nikki used to knock boots, Kristen and Oregano, now Rob and Kristen, Nikki and Orgeano, plus of course Nikki and Kristen fake lesbians … Geez there will be a Rob and Oregano rumor soon!!

    BTW, Love the site – u girls are so funny 🙂

  22. I love you, Moon. (Not in a creepy or lesbian way tho)You crack me up!

  23. I could hardly read this because suddenly in my head it was 5am and I was “listening to Los Angeles.” Thanks for that. Not a bad one to get stuck in my head for a while.

  24. SHE apparently has been in greece and is now dating Paris Latsis the guy that used to date Paris Hilton and is like filthy rich
    heres a picture http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/5645/60370569.jpg
    i guess that can shut down all those Michael Angarano rumors now and the whole feud thing.

  25. Sage is in a picture with Kristen Stewart on the Runaways set shown on Radar online. Nikki can’t be too far behind. (Sage died her hair blonde looks like)

  26. […] last week when I wrote Nikki asking where in the world had she gone? Well obviously she reads LTT because she turned up in […]

  27. […] or just a number to your agent like Kellan’s official site NikkiReed.com is owned by a crazy ol lady who does dinner theater in Canada and dresses in about 50 costumes. Seriously Nikki if you haven’t been to NikkiReed.com GO […]

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