What if there was a Twilight theme park?

This rollercoaster doens't go fast. You THINK it's going to. You get ALL the way up to the top of the hill then... well, I'm not sure. It fades to black...

Dear Twilight,

I’m just going to come out and say it, I’m a Harry Potter fan. Hardcore. And I am SUPER excited to finally be able to go to Hogwarts when the Wizarding World of Harry Potter opens up in Florida this summer. I will drink Butterbeer and be merry all the day long. [UC note: ME TOO!!!!]

I know what you’re thinking…What the heck does all this Potter talk have to do with Twilight? Well, I’m getting there…

You see, I have a crazy Twilight fan as a friend. One who is out and proud. One who sports the Twilight t-shirts without thinking twice. While I’m not quite there, I do owe her. Cause she did introduce me to the Edward Cullen greatness. (Well…after I saw Cedric was playing Edward that is…) Now, this friend isn’t a Harry Potter fan. How we are still friends, I will never know. I think it is the Twi-talk that holds us together.

Anyways, sometimes I forget she doesn’t like Harry Potter (or maybe I just ignore it..) and I start to talk about things. Like the fact that I am super excited about this theme park. And it never fails, she always changes the topic of convo to Twilight. Always. So as I talk of fantastic HP rides and Hogwarts, she brings up the idea of a Twilight theme park. And that got me thinking…Would there ever be a Twilight theme park? Do I even want one? What the (Jasper) Hale will be in a Twilight theme park?

So let’s answer those questions, shall we? Good. We’ll start with that last one.

What would be in a Twilight theme park?
These are the ideas I have came up with:

• They recreate Forks High School and there is a large restaurant in the cafeteria of the school. It has a menu that serves up the best that high school lunches have to offer and servers dressed like lunch ladies. Think Chris Farley during the Lunch Lady skit from SNL.

• A souvenir shop filled with the best Twilight crap ever. Where else are you going to get your Buttcrack Santa bobblehead and pair of official wolfpack jorts? Nowhere else, that’s where.

• As for rides, here’s what I’ve got: The Volvo Ride of Doom. Here’s the concept: while riding in a cart that resembles a Volvo, you speed along dark highways at high speeds dodging other cars and people that walk across the street.
  

  “Holy crow! Is that Charlie’s police cruiser we’re coming up on?!” **cars swerves out of the way**

  “Oh no look out for those bears running in the distance!” **car relunctantly dodges the pack of animals that you realize upon closer inspection are “NOT bears”**

I mean, these are just some of the ideas I’ve thought up so far. (actually…that’s pretty much all I’ve got..) So let’s move on to the next question.

Don't forget to get your nails done before visitng the Twilight theme park!

Will there be a Twilight theme park in our future?
Here’s my simple answer: I don’t know. People would definitely flock there. People would probably make a lot of money from it. But is there really enough content in the stories to make an awesomesauce theme park? This is what stumps me. I’m sure other people can come up with more things than I came up with. Although, I bet you the Buttcrack Santa bobblehead would be a best seller. I think I should patent that idea right now.

So there you go. If people actually think up and create a Twilight theme park, a Twi-park if you will, will I go? Probably. We all probably will. Or at least think about it.

No student can escape the magic of Lunch Lady Land,
cedvanhalen

One word: Magic Carpet Ride (except it’ll be on a huge version of Jasper’s Wig). Okay another word (this is fun): Chris Hansen look-a-likes walking around the park, posing for pictures with you for a mere $25.00 while you hold a sign that says “I like ’em young.” What are your thoughts!?

See these hearts? This is to remind you to ENTER OUR VALENTINE’S DAY CONTEST & GIVEAWAY!

See this awesomesauce ad for a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle? Know a gal/daughter/cousin/friend/fake lesbian who you still need a vtines gift for? Want us to drop a hint to your hubby/boyfriend/boy you’re fantasizing is Rob/Taylor/Kellan/Yorkie when you close your eyes? We will. Send us his (or her!) email address & we’ll non-nonchalantly mention you just might like a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle. We’re not kidding. Your husband/boyfriend/Rob-replacement will be happy to find a gift and we would LOVE to let him know what you do in your spare time. KIDDING. We won’t tell! Email us if you want us to help you drop the hint!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilight New Dump… a lot of football and a dry hump picture

Dear LTT-ers,

There’s lots of crap happening in the Twidom that probably should be mentioned but we don’t have time to write entire letters about… so it’s time for another news dump…

• Dear Kristen is that a… uh… “cold sore?” You, uh, might wanna get that checked out

• Should we start taking bets now on how long it takes before Ashley asks Tom Felton to show her his “vanishing cabinet?”

Why am I playing this American sport called football? Cause I'm CHUCK BASS!

• Remember when we talked about the Celebrity Beach Bowl? Sadly, they were NOT shirtless but Taylor sure wore some gloves. And I gotta ask, is this kid SERIOUS?! Look at the pictures of him running, jumping, lunging, diving. WTF? Did anyone else on the team do any work?

And then later…

• Really guys, you’re fighting over an introduction to Hilary Swank? She would probably knock you both out for being such pansies and not taking a picture with each other

Kellan talks about the support Calvin Kleins give him as well as the fact they “hold him together.” This should make me feel weird, right?

Follow the cut for some more news like dry humps in the meadow

What the Twilight cast does when there’s no Twilight to do

Dear LTTers,

With Kristen Stewart at Sundance finding herself a new fake lesbian life partner and Rob growing a beard and packing on the pounds before he starts filming Bel Ami, the rest of the Twilight cast is heaving a sigh of relief thinking their off LTT’s radar at the present moment.

Not so fast

Today we’re going to explore what the cast members of Twilight are doing with their time off. We’re going to provide you with all the information you’ve never wanted to know about where people like Justin Chon and Michael Welch spend their days when they’re not Twilight promo-ing it up.

What fake tan?

Where’s our favorite naked girl been, Ashley Greene? Not to be outdone by Kristen Stewart into “Welcome to the Rileys,” is she currently walking Santa Monica Ave looking for some real life prostitution experience? Has she been stripping at Jumbos Clown Room but donating her earnings to a Haitian relief fund? I don’t know. Maybe. Why don’t we hop on over to WhereIsAshleyGreene
GonnaBeNakedNext.com to find out. Oh look! Her latest spread (ahem) is in Savvy Magazine which a magazine no one has heard of. Well, their 300 twitter followers have heard of them.

Will she be showing up to the Grammys on Sunday with one Mr. Jared Followhill of Kings of Leon (her New Moon premiere date)? Did she pay off the 16 year old cleaning the booths at the Hollywood Tan with naked pictures of Rob (stolen from Nikki Reed’s private collection) in order to stay under the bulbs for 45 minutes longer than the legal limit?

Ashley wears short jorts

Is she starring in a remake of that famous 80’s Nair commercial “Who wears short shots” with the new improved lyrics: “Who wears short jorts. Nail wears short jorts?”

I think so.

What about Anna Kendrick? Oh yeah, she’s been winning the hearts of Hollywood and being nominated left and right for “Best Supporting Actress”. She’s also been busy practicing the look on her face for when she loses every award she’s up for to Mo’nique. She calls it her “frownsmile.” She’ll look sad enough to show she wanted to win badly, but happy enough to prove she’s a gracious loser.

Also she’s been talking about George Clooney and Rob Pattinson EVERYWHERE. And let’s be honest, that’s not a bad gig

What else is new in Twi (kinda) land? Find out after the jump!

Stuff we like other than Twilight

Multi-task: Drive, Eat Cupcake, Take picture

Dear LTTers,

It’s the weekend, so you know what that means- we go have actual lives. We post short, sweet, simple posts & say “see ya Monday!” Cuz we like stuff other than Twilight. I know it’s hard to believe. But seriously. We do.

Now in the past 9 months we may not have had much time for stuff other than Twilight, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like it.

For example, I like:

• Cupcakes
• Kittens & grown-up cats
• Harry Potter
• Rob Pattinson
• Going out to eat

Since this is Friday while I’m writing this, tonight, after work, (are you shocked that I blog at work?) I’m going home to pet my 2 cats, eat the rest of the Oreo cupcake my husband brought me home yesterday (aww!), go out to eat with a few friends and then see the late showing of Harry Potter at the Imax theatre. See? I’m well-rounded.

I asked Moon for a few things she likes besides Twilight. She said:

• Music
• Hello Kitty
• Traveling

I’m pretty sure her weekend plans involve her grabbing her Hello Kitty pillow, hopping on a plane & heading up to some show in Vancouver. Why Vancouver? Well, it’s been like 13 days since she last saw Rob, and I think she’s dying.

But what I really wanted to show you was something I love other than Twilight, but is still Twilight related cause… well, we do run a Twilight Blog.

We both loved the movie “500 Days of Summer.” Hopefully you’ve seen it cause it rules. But in case you haven’t, here is the Trailer…. well, kinda…..

Go see 500 Days of Summer immediately if you haven’t yet. I wanna be Zooey Deschanel when I grow up.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

See the REAL 500 Day of Summer trailer after the jump!

My favorite part of the Twilight fandom: Clueless guys!

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

Dear LTTers- aka “expert” Twilight fans,

One of my favorite things is people who know nothing or very little about Twilight yet think they’re experts.  It is, of course, funny to laugh at their cute little mistakes “That Robert Patterson is so cute” and “I love that scene in the 4th book New Eclipse when Jasper, the wolf, shows up at their wedding,” but mostly I like to be 2nd-hand embarrassed at their lack of knowledge on proper Twi-etiquette (Twitiquette). True2Twilight recently sent us an observation she had while browsing at her local bookstore that perfectly explains my fascination with the less informed:

It seems that ever since Twilight has been a success there are tons of series’ about vamps (The Vampire Diaries, Vampire Kisses, Evermore, Blue Moon…wonder where that name came from). It’s really quite annoying. I refuse to read any of these series’ and stay loyal to Twilight. As I was leaving the bookstore an employee said “Have a nice day” to me and I almost burst out laughing because she had an Edward shirt on. Normally this wouldn’t be funny but she had to be at least fifty.

I don’t care if she was 19, that’s NOT proper Twitiquette. Clearly she was just a casual fan. No fan in the know with a true, deep obsession would actually wear their Edward shirt in public, let alone to work (Well, not unless it was ‘wear your most embarrassing shirt to work day’ or they were BEGGING to be posted on LetterstoTwilight as a featured 2nd-hand embarrassment!) It’s like how I threaten to dress up as Moaning Myrtle for every Harry Potter premiere. I’d do it. I’d embarrass those who sit on Harry Potter fansites 24/7. I’d star as THEIR 2nd-hand embarrassment, but you couldn’t PAY me to dress up like Bella or Alice or Mrs. Cope. And I’d never even ADMIT to owning a “I love boys who sparkle” pin, let alone wear it to see the movie. (I keep it close to my heart- pinned to my bra)

Nice Try hunny.... it's not the same with your gut hanging out though...

Even more than people with bad Twitiquette, I love men who try to get it, but just don’t. You know the type. They ask you what “Twilight Zone” book is your favorite and come to bed wearing fake fangs, thinking it’s the teeth that turn you on- not realizing that it’s actually a 108 year old vampire- Edward Cullen (and of course the guy who played him flawlessly- Robert Pattinson) I love these recent stories sent to me by LTT readers:

Jen shared:

So I went to see Transformers on Sat night with my friend Phil. And one of the previews was for New Moon. So of course I made some sort of sigh noise when shirtless Jacob came on screen. So at the end he morphs into the wolf and Phil leans over and asks, “Are you going to carry around a furry wolf doll in your purse too?” HAHA. I lost it!

Lisa told us:

On my Facebook homepage there was a “Which Twilight character are you?” quiz, so I casually asked my husband which character he thought I would be…his response? “The little Indian boy who turns into a fox” I about died laughing…but the funniest part? He was dead serious and thought that was an accurate description. Apparently my “turn your man into a unicorn” skills are lacking and I need to take the course again.

And a “mom who once had a life” e-mailed us, a little upset that we’ve kept her from going back to her life & sucked her into our LTT/LTR world, but also shared what her husband really thinks she’s up to:

I’m sorry ladies but I’m also one who has to keep you a secret guilty pleasure. Yes I’ve watched every video out there with the words Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. I’ve analyzed the expressions and the body language of said stars. I hunt for terms like RPatz, Robward, Robsten and curse the paps when they crowd my obsessions. When my husband tries to sit by me, I try to make it look innocent when I close my laptop. He thinks I’m secretly addicted to porn sites. In reality, I’m hunting through your archives for more things to make me LMAO. It’s getting difficult hiding my guilty giggles from the family. So I have to peek when no one’s home. Ughh. I’ve now become a LTR/LTT crack addict. I’m sending my rehab bill to you.

Will it ever get old? I’ll still laugh hysterically when I think of the first thing my husband ever said about Rob After explaining to him that Sam Bradley was a good friend of Robs, he said, in all seriousness, “I thought Victor Krum was his best friend?”

Aww! They’re so cute. Almost as cute as Twi-virgins, don’t you think? So cough it up- we know your guys have said the most insane things about Twilight. Share with all of us (and by “share” I mean save your second best story for the comments and e-mail us with the best ones so we can use them in a future post!)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Do you like this guy? Yeah, we thought so. Go read letters to him over on LettersToRob

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The things we do for Twilight

Dear Twilight,

You’ve made me crazy. Yep. Crazy. There I was- a perfectly normal 25 year old girl with a slight love of subway sandwiches, Harry Potter, Facebook, kittens (okay I’m obsessed with kittens) and music. Suddenly, after being quite bored on a family vacation, I’m obsessed with vampires. VAMPIRES! And then after seeing a movie with a few friends in November (a movie that wasn’t actually that good, by the way) I’m suddenly obsessed with a BOY (who, coincidentally was IN Harry Potter.. so WIN for me!) I’m married! I love my husband! A lot! And this BOY is younger than the geeky cousin- EW!

I’ve done the craziest things for you:

-I took a 5 hour flight to visit a friend and then stood outside a HOT TOPIC to meet Ashley Greene and buy a DVD that I just ended up selling on ebay. Let me repeat. I went to Hot Topic (multiple times actually) And stood in a line. Until 5am (eastern time.) I forgot to mention above, I’m obsessed with sleep

ihate100monkeys
-I went to a 100Monkey’s concert. And I’m a music snob. And they’re not good

-I talk DAILY to friends I made on the internet. How do I know you aren’t 54-year old men who play with themselves while looking at pics I text you, EastFriend & WestFriend? (uh, note to self, stop sending EastFriend & WestFriend half dressed phone pics of myself.. just in case)

I got picked up by Vickyb at the San Diego train station & we met Mrs.P for lunch downtown. I just trusted that Vickyb wasn’t gonna kill me.  And how did I know that Mrs.P’s teeny daughter wasn’t a cute ploy to get me to let down my guard so they could rob me of my millions?
iheartrob

If you're wondering if Mini Edward greeted me in San Diego, he did...

Please say hi to my gangsta booty

-I went BY MYSELF to Philly to a Jewish-Southern fusion brunch place and met AmourPSU. First of all, what the freak is Jewish-Southern fusion? Do you think AmourPSU made it up and staged a brunch place so she could drug me, insert something into my brain and steal all my creative ideas?
iloverob

-The other night I was at a loud, crowded bar with some friends. I could barely hear my friend Ray say, “That’s what she said” after everything my husband said (he says it so often I’ve changed it to: “That’s what Ray says”). But don’t worry, I heard the girl at the next table explain to her date how she likes the series “Twilight,” and I swung my head around so hard my neck muscles STILL hurt.  No one else noticed. And I wasn’t even the closest person to her.
iheartrob

One day I was just minding my own business driving home when, going 45 m.p.h. I pass a road sign that I SWEAR says “Twilight Party 5/30.” I SWERVE into the parking lot and drive to the other entrance to see if my eyes deceived me or not. They did not. The mudshack pottery studio is having a Twilight Party on Saturday. What are they gonna do? Make clay figurines of Edward? How gay. Oh, and you know I’ll be there…

robishot
What happened? How did I, a perfectly sane girl who occasionally did crazy things like dress up like Moaning Myrtle for the Harry Potter opening movie night become the: meets internet friends in person without a second thought, stays up till 5am at a HOT TOPIC to meet a girl from a movie that wasn’t that good, looks awkward in public places, almost gets into accidents, makes a fool out of herself-type girl over a book ABOUT VAMPIRES…… Oh, I also have given up all hobbies, all real life friends and spend Friday nights at home…. all to run 2 blogs….

FML? or…no.. I love my life…

You’re worth it. Friends, vampires, Rob, the Internets, Twilight…. I ❤ you enough to go crazy for you

Love,
UnintendedChoice
*omg… I’m KNOWN by a fake name from a MUSE song..! ugh!

I love all my internet friends more than you’ll ever know. And EastFriend/WestFriend if you DO turn out to be old dudes, well, I think you’ll be the best old dude friends I’ll ever have… you can’t get rid of me!

Concerned about the hos and dbags that will be surrounding our precious Rob on Sunday at the MTV Movie awards? Check out what Moon has to say at LTR

What has Twi made YOU DO? Leave us a comment then chat it up over at The Forum

We have some FUN stuff planned for the MTV movie awards so check back this weekend on The Forum our Twitter & the Blogs!

Some Twilight funnies for this sleepy Monday

Dear Twilight fans,

I hate Mondays. Do you? Plus it’s only 9:45am and my coffee is cold. And I hate microwaving coffee.

Instead of working, I will provide you with two Monday Funnies:

(you know you’re big time when there are comic strips about you! source)

Enjoy! Happy Monday. (or Tuesday for our South Asia fans! we have them! I swear!)

Love,
UnintendedChoice xo