Something’s Different: No more new Twilight fans?

This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..

Dear LTTers,

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than last year after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump!

In the last month, I have done the following:

• Re-read Twilight countless times
• Re-read my favorite portions of New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn
• Downloaded the audio version of Twilight onto my iPod so I can listen to it at the gym and in my car
• Watched the movie Twilight countless times
• Watched New Moon 3 times in the theater
• Watched the infamous one-hour Vanity Fair video
• And most recently, I have begun to find those online who, like me, have been so enamored with the story, its characters and the allure of one, Mr. Robert Pattinson (Is he really only 23??? Too young. Too young).

With the joy that I have found in experiencing the world that is Twilight, I also find myself a little sad. I feel like I’ve just arrived at a party that’s in full swing where I know no one. It’s like I’ve enrolled at Twilight University and all of the electives and groups have been filled, and I am left alone with independent study. I have no one to discuss the thrill of finding Midnight Sun and constantly re-reading it at work when I’m not supposed to. I have no one to discuss the various aspects of the love triangle and my frustration with Bella’s inability to make a decision (cardholding member of Team Edward!), not to mention the many WTF moments in Breaking Dawn and my disappointment that Jacob didn’t end up with Leah. My husband was kind enough to go see New Moon with me, and although content, I sat alone to watch New Moon two more times, wishing I had another fan to share both the triumphs and failures of Chris Weitz, as well as my new observances, like Edward wearing the same clothes from the break-up scene to Rio and Volterra. I now know that these are all topics that have already been covered numerous times online, and I’m just trying to keep up.

Alas, I am a 31-year-old married accountant with no kids. I’m not supposed to like Twilight, and although a few in my circle of friends have read the books, none seem to be as swept up into it as I am. With my recent searches online, I feel blessed to have found others like me. I especially identify and appreciate the “cool kids” like Jenny Jerkface, Snarkier Than You, UnintendedChoice and Themoonisdown. It’s refreshing to find those who appreciate you and yet can audaciously make fun of you. Reading the various letters and blog entries, I haven’t laughed so hard in months. It’s nice to be in on the joke that so many wouldn’t understand outside of the Twilight realm.

I don’t want to be in independent study any more. I’m crashing the party. I want to be in on it! <stomping foot and pushing lower lip out “petulantly”> I refuse to watch Eclipse multiple times in the theater alone. So now, with this letter, I take the first step to join the many who have come before me, sheepishly raising my hand and saying, “Hi. My name is Jennifer. I’m a Twilight fan too. Will you be my friend?”

Sincerely,
JenKB

I guess our obsession with big dudes & McDonalds could be odd if you're just joining us...

Okay… so Jennifer JUST read the saga!? Girl- where have you been!? So if she’s new to all of this… she can’t be the only one, right? So why do I feel like something feels different? Is it that I no longer know any Twilight virgins and only surround myself with those who have already lost their virginity? Do I shy away from those newly on the path of de-virginization? Am I embarrassed to be around those who don’t know who sings about making a kitty meow, what “Jorts” are, where Kellan went to youth group back home in South Dakota, when a certain someone turns 17 and why “Chris Hansen wants you to take a seat” is such a scary phrase? In our attempts to be funny about something different each and every day, do we forget that there are actually people out there who have NO idea who Big Daddy is (what a travesty)? And they never to see AmanDUH reenact Twilight with “special Edward” before she pulled it off You Tube? That was the DEFINITION of 2nd-hand embarrassment. Some people are STILL in the dark!

Jennifer: on behalf of all of us everywhere who have been a part of this for what seems like forever, who have an intimate understanding of the fears & hurts of Buttcrack Santa, who understand WHY PattinsonPants lady wears what she wears (Rob DID look her way!), who miss the simple days of fake lesbians and Italian Spices and have hoped every day for an invite to Kellan Lutz’ Wednesday Night Prayer group, we welcome you to our party. Welcome to our class. Cancel that independent study and join Twilosophy 101. Also known as New Moonlosophy 101, Taylosophy 101, and Tweedlosophy101. You also have an option to join Roblosophy 101 and study introductory courses like “Is he or isn’t he wearing underwear in this picture” and write essays answering tough questions such as “If Rob were to show up in your home right now, but you were watching 10 small children under the age of 5 and not due to be free for another 4 hours, but Rob only had 1 hour to spare, what would you do?” (There is also an option for extra credit if you can make it through an entire 100Monkey’s show without groaning, inserting ear plugs or yelling to your neighbor “Holy S*it! This sucks SO bad”)

Welcome to our party, Jennifer! We offer many ways for you to waste your time enrich your life!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think about The Twilight Saga being over-saturated? Do YOU know any Twilight virgins? We get emails often, though none as honest as Jennifer’s, that ask what “jorts” are, who “Chris Hansen” is and why we assume Kellan Lutz can all the books of the Bible while singing the Bible tune. So we KNOW there are newbies out there. There are newbies who don’t comment because they feel like they’ve missed a year’s worth of jokes. Let’s make today a WELCOME DAY for the new fans, the new LTT readers and those who JUST learned who Chris Hansen is and are now ‘shaking in their boots’ because they heard a knock on their door and they are just putting the finishing touches on a you tube video they are creating called “101 different angles of Taylor Lautner with his shirt off!”

These are GREAT places to find Twilight/LTT friends:

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter