Ashley Greene’s been cheating on Freya

*Join Freya as she pens a letter to Ashley Greene and confronts her about their relationship*

The beginning of a beautiful relationship

Dear LOVAH (I mean, Dear Ashley Greene),

Ever since Twilight, I knew you were the one.  Sure, KStew’s got the pins to DIE for, and Rachelle has that fiery red hair, and even Nikki has that je ne sais quois, but you–you were the one I knew I would go fake lez for.  (I’ve seen the pics of you and Rachelle—I knew you would be down.)  And you have been such a gracious fake lady love.  You were the perfect BFF in Twilight and New Moon, and I felt like we TOTALLY bonded.  Especially when I realized that you was so much less stutter-y than Bella.  I like my to ladies look good, and you did that, too.  Except for the MTV Movie Awards, where clearly you were trying to allow me to shine as I sat at home wearing my sweats.  You were a little sexy, but a little classy, too.  You even filmed that movie with Kellan where you looked slightly “butch” in those sporty clothes.  I figured that was a little wink and a nod to our fake lesbian relationship.

Awwwww pals

It was all going so well.  But now, well, things aren’t going as well as they used to.  I have this feeling, Ashley, that you might be—I hate to even say the words–UNFAITHFUL.  Sure, you’ve always had your brief liaisons; there’s that Followill kid and of course Kellan, but you always managed to make those seem like passing fancies or very close friendships.  But this is serious.  Yes, I think you’ve been CHEATING on me.   With, well…EVERYONE.  I’ve been adding up the evidence, and it is fishy indeed, Ms. Greene–very fishy.

First there were the nudie cell phone pics.  I know they must have been humiliating.  But the first thing I wondered was “who were you taking those for?”  I checked my phone–you definitely weren’t sexting them to me!  I thought that maybe it was a faker–an AshGreene look-a-like porn star, perhaps, prepping for her role in New Poon, but I checked out the evidence (yes, uncensored, don’t judge me!) and indeed, all signs pointed to it really being you (as well as all signs pointing to a fresh waxing–holla!).  I wondered why you took those pictures (and where your hips went to), but decided that maybe you were taking a picture of a suspicious mole for your dermatologist, or testing out a new camera phone right before getting into the shower.  Could happen to anyone, right?

Follow the cut for the rest of Freya’s letter

Dakota Fanning at Sundance – A Thank You

Fan-dance!

Dear Dakota-

I think this is our first letter to just you! After this weekend’s Sundance overload I felt it was time to throw some of the spotlight on YOU and add you to the hallowed halls of letter recipients. It seems as though Twitter exploded with KStew information and pictures from Sundance even going as far as to proclaim it “Stewdance” which is probably blasphemous since if it needed to be renamed anything this weekend if should have been “Howldance” but what I couldn’t help noticing between all the clutter and tweets and pictures and koolaid drinking was you. You held a quiet confidence in pictures and looked like a young actress with tons of experience but was not willing to dismiss her age in lieu of appearing more mature, skanky or above it all like some of the actors and actresses who showed up. That’s pretty high-five worthy in my book.

I’d also like to thank you for going to Park City and keeping it real. You showed that you can be a teenager, comb your hair, put on a nice jacket, some ripped jeans and Doc Martens and still look presentable like you’re trying to sell a movie you’re proud of. Good on you!

Now THIS is the way to do rocker chic in the snow! Loving the Docs, I think I may have to dig my pair out

Thanks for giving us a kick-ass Ziggy Stardust shirt instead of a free shot of your nipple or midriff

Can you tell I’m over the Sundance madness already?
Themoonisdown

What do you think of the hoopla surrounding Sundance? Love it? Hate it? Anyone got love for the Fanning? Anyone know where I can get that Panther shirt?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Appreciation Sunday: Nikki Reed

Dear Nikki Reed,

No, it’s not April Fool’s day and YES, we mean YOU Nikki Reed. We are going to be appreciating you this Sunday for our reoccurring post Appreciation Sunday. I know you’re probably pretty surprised but we do have a lot to be appreciative about when it comes to you… so let’s get started shall we?

We appreciate…

Your body
While some of the gals in Twilight have the bodies of 13 year old boys giiirrrrrrl you got some curves in all the right places. I can’t lie I was super jelly of your booty in that vampire baseball uniform. Thanks for keeping it real for the rest of us and all I can say is: You better WORK girl.
c

(Sorry Nikki, Google image search is a bitch)
Paris Latsis
I think I speak for all woman kind when I thank you for falling on this grenade. Poor poor Paris spent an unfortunate amount of time with a one Miss Paris Hilton and for that well, he’s considered unclean and probably lacking a little in the mental facilities BUT he did find you and you both seem to be happy and while he has looked like a member of Color Me Bad in the past, he IS a greek shipping heir so I gotta hand it to you boyfriend who owns yachts that sail around GREECE ain’t too shabby. Well played my dear.

Find out what else we appreciate about Nikki Reed after the jump

Young love is Taylor-made

Dear Taylors,

Awwww, ain’t young love grand?! It’s not even spring and we get to enjoy a little bit of love blossoming in the fall as we watch you two meet up all over the country. I’m going to write each of you a letter and you can figure out which one is to who…

XO,
Moon

PS Can we come up with a better couple name that Tay-tay or Taylor squared for you guys? Those just don’t have the right ring to them

Our song is the way you phase, sneaking out past paps, tip toeing past a snoring Big Daddy

Dear Taylor,

Don’t screw this up!!! If it’s true and you are playing the hanky panky at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel with Taylor than you’re a lucky SOB cause this girl is 19, you are 17 and in boy/girls maturity levels that’s a lot. And besides that, she’s a young musician who not only plays an instrument but also writes her own music! This girls got it going on, and has the songs to prove it. Which you can learn a lot from, by the way! If we know anything about Taylor we know she likes Romeo and Juliet, love stories, flowers, screen doors slamming, Tim McGraw, castles, tear drops, glitter,  that stupid old pick up truck, burning shit, white horses, hates cheer captains and loves being fearless. Oh and she hates the JoBros. But who doesn’t?

So seriously don’t screw this up cause you KNOW Taylor will turn your relationship in her next number one album if you break her heart! And don’t think we won’t know who’s she’s referring to when she sings about “that stupid dog.”  I will also warn you know that Big Daddy told me he’s getting ready to sit you down and have “the talk” with you! So if Big Daddy asks to take you to McDee’s for some “one-on-one time” he’s not refering to private time with a certain fried fish sammy, he’s talking about emabarassing birds and the bees, this is where babies come from, true love waits, keep it in your pants shiz! Prepare yourself! And tape it, so we can listen later cause it will be epically 2nd hand embarrassing! Oh and if Kanye gets any funny ideas at this years Grammy’s you better come prepared to throw down. I’m talking “don’t get me upset” Jacob style throw down.

Ok now go send this girls some flowers and do a back flip for her while you recite a poem you wrote called “Taylor + Taylor, we can make it not a failure” So, clearly you’ll help you with your writing skills (and mine).

It’s a love story Taylor, just say yes!
Moon

PS If something happens and you have to break up with her don’t do it via phone like that loser Jonas Brother did. You’re a classy fellow have the balls and do that ish in person!

Follow the cut to see my letter to the other Taylor! And some other goodies…

What a difference a year makes – Taylor Lautner then and now!

One of these things is not like the other

Dear Taylor, (have I ever written JUST you?)

It seems like just yesterday that you were that little kid who played Jacob Black with the bad wig in Twilight. The same dude who looked like a nerd on the red carpet at the Twilight premiere with your popped collar and bad sonic-the-hedgehog hair. But boy, how times have changed. It doesn’t seem like a day goes by without some picture hitting the interwebs of you looking like a hot piece. Now I know we already border on the possibly inappropriate with you but we’re the same age as the chicks on your movie set, so no harm no foul, right? And well we’re moving to Georgia till February when all this is legal, anyway so don’t worry, Chris Hansen is alright with it. I asked.

The other day I was sending UC OLD pictures of you and we were laughing our faces off at dorky you were and then I started sending over some new ones and it struck me: MY what a difference a year makes… from popped collars to soaked suits in the pool, you’ve come a long way Taylor. And since I can’t get enough of charts and turning normal business tools into tools of “mass Twilight shenanigans,” I present you with the “Then and Now: Taylor Lautner, what a difference a year makes” time line…

Click to enlarge, it's HUGE (that's what she said)

Your life in a timeline… I especially enjoy the glimpse into the future circa 2049… I bet it’s like looking into a mirror for Big Daddy. So if you’re keeping track you can print this out to add to your Twilight business documents folder. You know the one next to that folder you keep your fanfic in at work. Yup, that one.

Take the cut for a little treat

Wolfpack Appreciation – Jorts Club!

Dear Wolfpack,

Looks like Sunday might be our unofficial Appreciation Day here at LTT! Since last week I have been thinking about who we should feature next and it struck me that we don’t talk about you guys enough! I mean sure, we talk about Taylor but he’s in the trinity, that doesn’t count! And mostly this is just an excuse for us to post gratuitous amounts of shirtless pictures of healthy looking boys with all their OWN hair and feature one of your lovely ladies! And also, the Wolf just happened to be my high school mascot, so I hold a special place in my heart for Los Lobos and take any chance I can to yell crap like “Wolfpack Pride!” and hold up the wolf hand signal which also just happens to be the Sundevil sign. So if you see me doing this while watching New Moon, you’ll know why.  Ok, enough Arizona nerdery.

So here we go again with another Appreciation Day, Wolfpack style. All the stuff I appreciate…

Either a diabetic or wears a kickin' dad phone on his belt

BooBoo- Freakin cutie Seth Clearwater. You’re the newest addition to this gang of good hoodlums and if I’m honest the first pics I saw of you with the long hair, I was super underwhelmed but as with all other casting choices I should just learn to trust those casting folks because after that haircut you transformed into Seth! You’re not exactly what I pictured when I read Seth’s character in the book originally but just like Taylor before you, you ARE Seth now. And this is all based on a couple pictures! I can’t wait to see you actually on screen!

Weapon of mass hottness!

Alex – Model with a message. Always looks like a model even while wearing my favorite Native American tshirt and proving that wolves don’t need protection from the elements like rain in Vancouver.

Follow the cut to appreciate the rest of the pack!

Kellan Lutz Appreciation Day

Come on ride the Kellan train and ride it!

Dear Kellan-

Most people might not know but you were the very first person we ever wrote a letter to so you hold quite a special place in our hearts. But it seems as of lately Letters has been ruled by the holy trinity of: The Jailbait, the Sourpuss and the Holy Rob with little time left over for that hot brother. So since we declared yesterday Mike Newton Appreciation Day I’ve decided to declare today, a Sunday (of course!) Kellan Lutz Appreciation Day. I know a ton of our readers are HUGE Kellan fans and heck, we love your face and your love for life affirming literature too!

So let’s talk about the reason I heart you Kellan…

One of my favorite things about you is your ability to “whore yourself out” for lack of a better phrase and that means that you’ll show up to any Hotel Ballroom within the continental US if there’s a Twilight Convention banner hanging over head and then gladly pose for pictures with total whackos and cute girls for hours on end. And not just any pictures you really get into it with hugs and prom poses and kisses. I gotta say I love you for it cause not everyone would do it or even feel comfortable with that kind of attention. But like any good fame whore/teddy bear you man up and smile!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

You were in a Hinder video. While I can’t personally stand Hinder or music like this, it makes me smile to see you as the High School Jock cause it’s pretty much you playing yourself! All they needes to add was a Bible Study scene and this could be a video of your life circa early 2000’s.

Follow the cut to see what else we appreciate about Kellan!

Twilight video time with Jena – Edwards Lullaby

*Hey LTT-ers, This Saturday’s video’s will be hosted by none other than Jena our very own video mod from the forum! She finds, creates and posts all the best so we’ve asked her to bring some of that goodness over here for you! Enjoy! Moon&UC*

Dear Twilighters,
 
Weekends are about relaxing, spending quality time with those you love, doing something fun, or curling up and watching your favorite
movie.  Which is why I bring you the latest in Twilight Theater.
 
I’m about to provide you, FINALLY, with the true lyrics to Edward’s lullaby to Bella. Get verklempt ya’ll!
 

 
But seriously, what would Edward’s famous Bella’s Lullaby lyrics really be?
We’d love to your compositions and read your lyrical inspiration.
 
A proud commentator in MST3K,
Jena
 
Thanks to JodieO and her facebook page for the vid*** alert!
(***video is in representation to the MST3K days (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

Head over to LTR to see some smokin’ Rob vids!
Want more Jena? Go to the forum and make some new pals!

Twilight Dirt – All the news that’s fit to print

Do your Twitpics look THIS GOOD? David Slade's do

Dear LTT-ers and Twihards,

It’s about that time again, yup we need to do a news dump, since we can’t write letters regarding EVERY little news piece nor do you want to hear us TRY to wax poetic about Sarah Clarke’s suitcase. I tried. It doesn’t work. So let’s get to it…

XO
Moon

• If you’re not following David Slade on Twitter you are missing out on some awesome shiz, like pictures of Taylor doing backflips and THIS DUDE! This is the guy you see in the mirror after you chant “Red Rum” into your bathroom mirror with the lights off at your 6th grade sleepover. Eclipse crew are SEXYtimes.

• New pictures from the New Moon set were released of Slutty Bella gazing longingly into tranny-licious Edwards eyes. Is her gaydar going off yet?

• Are you ready to simultaneously pee your pants, puke into the DVD storage unit near your tv, scream like a 14 yr old girl and hyperventilate? Yea, we are too! The holy trinity (Rob, KStew and Taycob) will be premiering a new (read: legit) trailer at the MTV Music Video Awards. And yes, Russell Brand is hosting again, get your pitch forks ready.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

• Guaranteed UC and I will be crying over the new Death Cab song which will be also be premiered at the MTV VMA’s. We share a deep, passionate and enternal love for this band. What a better combination that Twilight and mopey flannel nerd rockers from Seattle? Tissues not included.

OMG, Eclipse is filming right now? Let's go work out some more!

• I’m beginning to think these biotches aren’t even in Eclipse, they’re just hanging out, walking through Vancouver with their hoods up, drinking smoothies and working out 23 hours a day. Seriously, who owns THAT MUCH workout gear?

• Dude, who knew Edward was originally supposed to be a Hobo? Apparently Cathy has a thing for homeless men.

MORE News after the cut!

Kristen Stewart in Bella’s new wig!

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Dear Eclipse Wig Dept,

Since Eclipse started filming last week and no one’s seen Kristen Stewart in her new Bella get-up everyone’s been well: wigging out. Heh. Clearly fans have been flipping out since they saw Kstew’s Runaways hair and wondered what the crap you were going to do with it for Eclipse. Wigs? Tracks? A weave? Extensions?! The mind spins with options! Ok, maybe that’s the 2 “big girl” drinks I just had, but spinning none the less.

So maybe we weren’t so kind to your New Moon counterparts a few months ago when we saw poor Jackson in that god awful poodle wig that was designed for Jasper. I still shudder even now when I see it and don’t know if I’ll be able to overcome it when I’m watching the movie, but well, I guess that’s something you have to live with and not me. Just don’t be surprised if I have Vietnam style flashbacks during the premiere anytime Jasper is on screen. But anyhow, what I’m now currently worrying about is what Bella’s wig will look like. I know we all let out a collective gasp and clutched our throats when we saw that KStew up and got crazy and cut herself a mullet for Runaways filming (you guys more than us I’m sure). Cause now you have to deal with that dead raccoon on her head and turn it into beautiful Bella hair. Sucks to be you all. BUUTT since we’re professional bloggers and total Twilight nerds around here, we’re here to help and I’ve got a few suggestions that just might work for The Great Mullet Fiasco of 09…

Since we’re in a recession and Jacob is now a werewolf you won’t need his old wigs, so why not reuse that for Bella’s wig? Almost the same color, just curl it up a little and presto long hair! We’re in a recessional yall and we all know how Summit likes to save a few clams so WIN WIN!

And since we’re talking about re-using why not try out the old Jasper poodle wig?! What, Bella’s not blond? Who cares, make her squirm a little for cutting it all off.

Follow the cut to see some more AWESOME wigs!