What the Twilight cast does when there’s no Twilight to do

Dear LTTers,

With Kristen Stewart at Sundance finding herself a new fake lesbian life partner and Rob growing a beard and packing on the pounds before he starts filming Bel Ami, the rest of the Twilight cast is heaving a sigh of relief thinking their off LTT’s radar at the present moment.

Not so fast

Today we’re going to explore what the cast members of Twilight are doing with their time off. We’re going to provide you with all the information you’ve never wanted to know about where people like Justin Chon and Michael Welch spend their days when they’re not Twilight promo-ing it up.

What fake tan?

Where’s our favorite naked girl been, Ashley Greene? Not to be outdone by Kristen Stewart into “Welcome to the Rileys,” is she currently walking Santa Monica Ave looking for some real life prostitution experience? Has she been stripping at Jumbos Clown Room but donating her earnings to a Haitian relief fund? I don’t know. Maybe. Why don’t we hop on over to WhereIsAshleyGreene
GonnaBeNakedNext.com to find out. Oh look! Her latest spread (ahem) is in Savvy Magazine which a magazine no one has heard of. Well, their 300 twitter followers have heard of them.

Will she be showing up to the Grammys on Sunday with one Mr. Jared Followhill of Kings of Leon (her New Moon premiere date)? Did she pay off the 16 year old cleaning the booths at the Hollywood Tan with naked pictures of Rob (stolen from Nikki Reed’s private collection) in order to stay under the bulbs for 45 minutes longer than the legal limit?

Ashley wears short jorts

Is she starring in a remake of that famous 80’s Nair commercial “Who wears short shots” with the new improved lyrics: “Who wears short jorts. Nail wears short jorts?”

I think so.

What about Anna Kendrick? Oh yeah, she’s been winning the hearts of Hollywood and being nominated left and right for “Best Supporting Actress”. She’s also been busy practicing the look on her face for when she loses every award she’s up for to Mo’nique. She calls it her “frownsmile.” She’ll look sad enough to show she wanted to win badly, but happy enough to prove she’s a gracious loser.

Also she’s been talking about George Clooney and Rob Pattinson EVERYWHERE. And let’s be honest, that’s not a bad gig


What else is new in Twi (kinda) land? Find out after the jump! Continue reading

The Twilight cast celebrates LTT’s 1 year anniversary

Dear LTTers,

Did you know that last night I threw a surprise 1 year anniversary party for UC and Moon? No I bet you didn’t. Know why? Cus I didn’t invite any of you. Know why? because I couldn’t afford the insurance it would have cost me to have people like Rob and Kellan and Taylor (especially Taylor) in the party with all you hungrily trying to get your piece. That’s right. I didn’t need Chris Hansen showing up at my attempt at a classy shindig for Moon and UC to celebrate Letters to Rob and Letters To Twilight’s 1st year anniversary. ‘Cus nothing dampers a party like implications of attempting to lure someone who’s underage into your bed. Anyways, the Twilight gang showed up. I know right? Amazing. Of course Jackson wasn’t there. I’m still not sure why… someone said something about a bad review of 100 monkeys and him “never getting past it”… psh. Whatever. We know things Jackson… Just be grateful we keep our mouths shut. So I got a chance to speak to some of the cast before they headed into the party… and I’ve got to say… they are ALL lovely. for the most part. sort of….

The first one on the carpet is Ashley… and she’s posing… she’s doing her best Susan Lucci and you’ve gotta love the girl for trying. Always the doll, she saunters over to me for a quick interview.

Why don't you ask me important things.. like why my hair is glittering like it's 1999?

Calliope: Ashley! Hey you look amazing… for once! okay twice maybe! who are you wearing?
Ashley: Who am I doing? well tonight I’m doing a Followhill brother. Or maybe chase crawford… crap what city am I in? That’s how I decide.
Calliope: I said who are you wearing not who are you doing.
Ashley: Oh? what? sorry I got distracted by Nikki’s lame’ dress…
Calliope: Right… anyways…so why are you here tonight? Why support LTT/LTR?
Ashley: Well like I’ve said before… even though we all claim to not read the internet or worry over gossip about ourselves we actually REALLY REALLY love it. One of our favorite places to drop by is LTT. Kristen seems to also like LTR for some reason… I think it’s because she’s doing Rob. Anyways, the one day I was reading the site and it struck me… these girls REALLY get me. They’d written something about my purity ring and I mean… they get it. It’s totally cool to flaunt ones sexual assets without actually doing it. Men respect that. Men want that. And I’ve had plenty of men. And the ring was totally a symbol of me re-saving it for Jackson. And they just knew!
Calliope: Your talking about your purity ring right Ashley?
Ashley: Yes.
Calliope: The purity ring you are noticeably not wearing right now.
Ashley: Umm… oh… well… *laughs nervously* look at that… hrm… ahh…
Calliope: I’m guessing Jackson’s not getting the re-saving anymore is he…
Ashley: Oh look at the time…. nice meeting you…

Ashley stalks off… because she is clearly wanting to be ogled and i think she may have tried to flash her panties for just a little more attention. Right on her heels though is the gorgeous Kellan.

Hey Calli, baby...

Kellan: *flashes his million watt smile and it takes me just a few moments to understand where I am* Hello gorgeous.
Calliope: Ummm… err…. uhhh…. hi.
Kellan: *smiling… and waiting….*
Calliope: Oh right. huh. yea. you want me to ask you a question. Why?!
Kellan: *amused* why what doll?
Calliope:  why… uh… here?
Kellan:  Why am I here?
Calliope: *shakes head… gulps*
Kellan:  Well at first I was apprehensive. It’s hard to live in the shadow of Rob and well, UC and Moon, they’ve got some serious Rob loving going on. but then I remembered the one post I read. and I knelt in prayer and knew what I had to do. So I’m here seeking forgiveness.
Calliope: forgiveness? *turns on sexy voice* what could hunky, desirable, sex-a-licious you *CallI runs a finger up Kellan’s chest* have possibly done wrong?
Kellan: please don’t do that. I am a person. Not just a hunk of man-meat for you to stare at.
Calliope: *clears throat* umm… yes… sorry… of course not.
Kellan: thank you.
Calliope: so you were saying… you are here for forgiveness.
Kellan: *hangs head in shame* yes… I want to ask UC and Moon to forgive me for causing them to have impure thoughts in their youth. It was never my intention. *begins to tear up* Abercrombie lured me in with their plaids and catchy phrases… *lets out a huge sub* I DIDN”T KNOW! I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW!
Calliope: *feels awkward* umm… of course not Kellan. *pats him lightly* there there.
Kellan:  excuse me *runs away bawling*

Kellan runs away bawling… and who should saunter up behind him but the joy of my existence. (Read the rest, after the jump) Continue reading