What the Twilight cast does when there’s no Twilight to do

Dear LTTers,

With Kristen Stewart at Sundance finding herself a new fake lesbian life partner and Rob growing a beard and packing on the pounds before he starts filming Bel Ami, the rest of the Twilight cast is heaving a sigh of relief thinking their off LTT’s radar at the present moment.

Not so fast

Today we’re going to explore what the cast members of Twilight are doing with their time off. We’re going to provide you with all the information you’ve never wanted to know about where people like Justin Chon and Michael Welch spend their days when they’re not Twilight promo-ing it up.

What fake tan?

Where’s our favorite naked girl been, Ashley Greene? Not to be outdone by Kristen Stewart into “Welcome to the Rileys,” is she currently walking Santa Monica Ave looking for some real life prostitution experience? Has she been stripping at Jumbos Clown Room but donating her earnings to a Haitian relief fund? I don’t know. Maybe. Why don’t we hop on over to WhereIsAshleyGreene
GonnaBeNakedNext.com to find out. Oh look! Her latest spread (ahem) is in Savvy Magazine which a magazine no one has heard of. Well, their 300 twitter followers have heard of them.

Will she be showing up to the Grammys on Sunday with one Mr. Jared Followhill of Kings of Leon (her New Moon premiere date)? Did she pay off the 16 year old cleaning the booths at the Hollywood Tan with naked pictures of Rob (stolen from Nikki Reed’s private collection) in order to stay under the bulbs for 45 minutes longer than the legal limit?

Ashley wears short jorts

Is she starring in a remake of that famous 80’s Nair commercial “Who wears short shots” with the new improved lyrics: “Who wears short jorts. Nail wears short jorts?”

I think so.

What about Anna Kendrick? Oh yeah, she’s been winning the hearts of Hollywood and being nominated left and right for “Best Supporting Actress”. She’s also been busy practicing the look on her face for when she loses every award she’s up for to Mo’nique. She calls it her “frownsmile.” She’ll look sad enough to show she wanted to win badly, but happy enough to prove she’s a gracious loser.

Also she’s been talking about George Clooney and Rob Pattinson EVERYWHERE. And let’s be honest, that’s not a bad gig


What else is new in Twi (kinda) land? Find out after the jump! Continue reading

Something’s Different: No more new Twilight fans?

This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..

Dear LTTers,

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than last year after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue reading

Speculation Wednesday

Today is Speculation Wednesday which is just like Speculation Thursday but on a Wednesday. I know, I’m brilliant. We’re gonna speculate about a few things today. And all of these things will lead to one big speculation. It’s gonna rule:

Psst: Ryan Gosling called & he wants his look back

Psst: Ryan Gosling called & he wants his look back

Dear Michael Oregano,

I did some research about you. I found a fan site so I could be better informed. First off, you were in Almost Famous and on Will & Grace? Dude! I just thought you were a guy that dated Kristen- maybe her next door neighbor or something! Turns out you really are an actor- I thought you just said that so you could feel cooler next to Robert Pattinson.

Anyway, your fan site isn’t updated as much as some other sites out there (say, any one of the gazillion Rob sites!), but I found no evidence to suggest you are currently off filming a moving picture anywhere. I also checked out IMDB and it looks like from the 4 things you’ve done with your life since 2007, 2 are completed and 2 are in post-production. This evidence brings me to conclude that you are at home, in LA. So…

  • Why weren’t you at the MTV awards? Did you hear your girlfriend was up for a few things? In fact… she won.
  • Why didn’t you join Rob, Kristen & 3 others for dinner after the MTV awards if you were told to stay away by Summit and/or Kristen’s management?
  • Why did Kristen supposedly stay at a hotel the night of the MTV awards when she could’ve stayed at your place, instead of a hotel or driving home to the valley?

In fact…. where are you? Why has there been no sign of you since those pictures surfaced of you and Kristen happily skipping down the street, holding hands in Vancity?

I’m gonna speculate that the rumors are true and you and Kristen are no longer together.

Oh where, oh where has your fake-lesbian life partner gone?

Oh where, oh where has your fake-lesbian life partner gone?

Dear Nikki Reed,

I’m concerned. Where were you Sunday night? How in the world was Mike Newton  at the MTV awards to accept the award for best picture and Rosalie Hale wasn’t? Were you off pretending to be in college somewhere? I, too, preformed some research on you and found no evidence to suggest that you are off filming anywhere. Being the Los Angeles resident you are, you should have been there.

All this confusion over Sunday night is forcing me to admit something I haven’t wanted to… Because by admitting this, I might as well shoot Moon & myself in the feet. It discredits us. It truly does. You see, for so long we have shared with the world, no PROVED to the world that you and Kristen are fake lesbians. But I am now being forced to speculate that you and Kristen are not only no longer fake lesbians, but you’re no longer even friends. Moon & I might as well pack up our computers and call it quits right now.

The sudden appearance of your new bff from that band Sage and the Dills arosed my suspicions long ago. But the lack of hand-holding, “we’re just friends,” googly-eyed (possible nipple tweeking) photos emerging of you and Kristen has forced me to speculate that your friendship with Kristen has ended.

All this speculation must be leading to something, right? Of course. Find out after the jump! Continue reading