A message for Nikki Reed and Kristen Stewart- BFFs

Maybe Nikki is just holding onto KStew b/c she's obviously plastered

Maybe Nikki is just holding onto KStew b/c she's obviously plastered

Dear Nikki Reed and Kristen Stewart,

Okay, I have to say something. I’ve been holding my tounge for awhile now, but I’m over it.

Stop being fake lesbians.

Seriously, you’re starting to remind me of T.A.T.U.  I get the “she’s my best friend and I love to kiss her on the lips” thing- I really do. I plant one right on the smacker of my best girls everytime I see them. But no one thinks we’re suddenly gonna go grab a pair of Birkenstocks and jump in a Subaru.

You can stop the ‘hand-holding at every event’ charade, and it would be okay to still do press for your films even if your “other half” can’t make it with you that day. And maybe, KStew, when you guys are out in public with your boyfriend you could hold his hand instead of Nikki’s. Just a tip from a girl who knows a thing or two about keeping a man around. (and here he is thinking Rob is the threat)

Poor Michael- not getting any KStew love...

Poor Michael- not getting any KStew love...

Instead of being sexy, if that’s what you think it is, it’s actually just kinda annoying. And no one’s buying it, well, no one except these lesbians over here. Did you read that? Instead of being the fantasy couple for hot guys everywhere, you’re on your way to becoming the LiLo and SamRo of 2009.

Just some advice from a caring friend,

(Apologizes to all Subaru-driving, Birkentstock wearing readers, lesbian or otherwise, but admit it, you laughed)

53 Responses

  1. They make me tired. Both of ’em.

    Wonder if Nik went to Sundance with Kristen? I’ll be looking for pics of them, wearing fur-trimmed parkas, holding their goodie bags from the Motorola swag tent. Man, I hope one of them is smoking in a shot, too.

    • i don’t see anything wrong in them holding hands me and my best friend hold hands when we go out sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing so you guys need to shut up about saying you are tired of them i mean there’s only like three pictures of them holding hands… i’m sure most of you would do so much worse if you were celebrities

  2. THANK YOU!!!! I could not have said this any better myself… its getting so damn old! When I watched the Vanity Fair photo shoot I thought they were lesbos at first! I mean, really!! Ugh. Its about time someone said something, so again, THANK YOU! 🙂

    • America seriously takes the whole gay thing way too seriously in many other countries like france and england girlfriends hold hands and boys hug all the time that doesn’t make one gay… and i would know this because i have lived in 5 different countries and america is the most STEREOTYPICAL!! no wonder people in foreign countries hate americans

      • Shit, now I can’t go to London w/o people noticing I’m American and hating me for it. Note to self: Get rid of Valley girl accent and adopt an English accent.

        I tried and I realized I sound like a craptastic sleazy girl version of Austin Powers.

  3. Isn’t LiLo and SamRo enough already? Is this really what the gay community needs? More fake lesbians? Kstew and NIkki are so cliche and they don’t even seem to know it. I felt bad for Kstew’s boyfriend when I heard he was on set, can you imagine having to watch your girlfriend kiss rpattz but I imagine it must be much worse for ol’ Mike Arg-whatshisface to watch her carry on like this with Nikki Reed. Poor Schmuck!

    • @vickybonnett i know.. poor gay community.. weed out the fakes!!! that’s our goal here.. that’ll be in the mission statement. ‘protecting the gay community from all the fake twi-lesbos’ (write that in the twidea book, moon) 🙂

  4. I can’t remember the last time I walked around holding a girlfriend’s hand. Oh wait, I do remember…grade school. When all the boy’s still had cotties!

  5. You made me and my birkenstocks laugh.

  6. LOL! Well, they are “artistic” and you know how “artistic” people don’t operate in the same reality that we do. Maybe it’s just a smokescreen to hide the REAL affair… we all KS and RP are totally doing it.

  7. I held my mom’s hand at the mall the other day..only for a few seconds…does that make me an incestuous lesbian?


  8. leighmm….NOOOOO! Rpattz has way better taste than that! Maybe Nikki is just trying to distract Kstew so she can get her hands on Rob herself.

    And the plot thickens…muahahaha!

    I so thought that when I was watching the Vanity fair thing, and all the premiere shots of them holding hands, I was like…hmmm… I haven’t held a friends hand since I was in second grade, and the teacher told us to buddy up when we had to cross the street! This is just weird, aren’t they supposed to be adults? ACT LIKE IT!! LET GO…give each other emotional support if need be….but holding hands with your BFF….while your boyfriend is standing right there…WTF!!! WEIRD :{

  10. @vickybonnett, we all know that every girl on the twilight cast is trying to get there hands at our Rob. But hopefully he has enough sense to realize that none of them are good enough for him… and one day he’ll realize that we’ve been waiting for him right here all along! 🙂

  11. @UC Well, I think we should we do what we can to make the world a better place, while still staying focused on our goal…gettin’ some Rpattz! *chants to herself, “I can do two things at once, I can do two things at once…”

  12. I wonder if my avatar will be back when I hit enter. Cross your fingers.

    I’m Meh about the whole hand holding thing. Whatever. But I might just be saying that because I’m afraid of what it means that I drive a Subaru. I’m even more afraid of what it means that it’s a hand-me-down from my Mom. File that under Things That Make You Go Hmm.

  13. PREACH! this is what i like to call “real talk!”

    LOL i love this one… especially the part about michael having to worry about nikki and not rob. DUH.

    @leigh anne – OF COURSE they’ll be smoking, they’re such rebels. they’re SOOO hardcore. they have to remind us 24/7

    @sass- no i hold my moms arm all the time

  14. @UIC,
    my brother used to get in trouble in elementary school for writing muuaahahaha on all of his Creative Writing assignments…He watched a LOT of cartoons, and thought it was something people ACTUALLY said. 🙂

  15. Crap. My old avatar is back. That’s not the one that was there last night when I posted. Hating the Gravatar right now!

  16. […] We haven’t forgotten about you. We’ve been a little distracted by all the NReed/KStew lesbo talk and the Kellan Lutz “good boy from your youth group” stories, but we still love […]

  17. […] I was going to be a fake lesbian I’d totally choose you […]

  18. […] till I drop (or ’til I kill one of them out of utter annoyance at the hand holding and fake lesbo kissing) with Nikki and Kristen. (Yep, I’d even do THAT. I KNOW, I AM committed- and REALLY crazy, […]

  19. “Maybe Nikki is just holding onto KStew b/c she’s obviously plastered.” LMAO
    Hey, I love Kris…a girl can dream that she’s a lesbian.
    But yes, Stop being fake lesbians and give the real girls that love you hope. That’s my statement.

  20. […] steely Rosalie glare (if you can even perfect it).  Plus, being the world’s most perfect fake-lesbian with Kristen really is an all-consuming […]

  21. […] nikki reed kristen stewart kiss – again! We know […]

  22. […] I’m worried about you! If these girls are trying to make you the new partner in their fake lesbian relationship please RUN AWAY. Run far, far away. Next thing you know you’re going to be […]

  23. […] *That’s not true, I have only met Moon in real-life and we’ve never kissed. But let me promise you, next time I visit her I’m loading her up with Patron and planting a big one on her lucious lips, Nikki Reed-style. […]

  24. […] our best Nikki Reed & Kristen Stewart “faux lesbians” impressions wearing Doc Martens and skinny jeans, while hand-holding, skipping down […]

  25. […] in that picture. Don’t worry- I’m sure Kristen thinks you’ll look great too, fake lesbos always have your back. (damn- I told myself I was gonna get through a letter without mentioning […]

  26. […] Moon: I’m gonna play devils advocate and say NO. she seems like a total prude who’s WAY too into NReed and her BF Friend #1: wrong- they’ve done it. UC: how do you watch (what’s the movie […]

  27. […] Moon: I’m gonna play devils advocate and say NO. she seems like a total prude who’s WAY too into NReed and her BF Friend #1: wrong- they’ve done it. UC: how do you watch (what’s the movie […]

  28. […] now K-Stupid and Nikki Lesbo Reed cannot be satisfying your manly needs. You need someone with a little more skill to help you […]

  29. […] We won’t talk about your fake lesbian relationship with Nikki Reed […]

  30. […] you had her all to yourself, no conspiracies theories, no fake on screen vampire boyfriends, no fake lesbian lovers… just the two of […]

  31. […] look like the girls from twilight – That’s what we thought too!! […]

  32. […] alike fell in love with her and created Haiku’s in her honor We uncovered her not so secret life partner We role played her working relationships with both Emile Hirsch AND Rob […]

  33. So what if they hold hand when they go places alot of friend`s do that ( some people wont agree with me) but i see it all the time and none of them are gay or lesbian.
    and if they are lesbian what`s it to you last time i checked it was their live`s and not your`s.
    if they were hooking up maybe you would have something to talk about && they were seen hooking up so what!!…It actually make`s them better yall

    • the sad thing is…. we believe they are no longer fake lesbians 😦 they seem to have broken up their fake lesbian-ship.

      i would also like the stress the importance of the word “fake” since that wasn’t obvious enough for you in this post! THANKS for commenting!

  34. holy fuck get over it. let them be fake lesbians if they want.

  35. […] Fake Lesbians This is a costume where you’ll need a close gal pal who is in on the Twilight gossip.  Wear big nikes and tight denim. Sport a very surly attitude. Chair smoke ALL night. Never leave each other the entire night. Hold hands. Kiss if the mood is right. Bonus: bring along a third wheel boyfriend (feel free to call him an Italian spice), walk in holding hands as a threesome. Don’t pay attention to him all night. […]

  36. […] they didn’t use their nick names when introducing them: famewhore, gay vamp, copstache, my ex fake lesbian life partner, the girl I should be getting it on with but I’m not, #hotalex (number 2), Barry […]

  37. […] WHY PattinsonPants lady wears what she wears (Rob DID look her way!), who miss the simple days of fake lesbians and Italian Spices and have hoped every day for an invite to Kellan Lutz’ Wednesday Night […]

  38. […] than I’ll ever make by the time they were 5…). And while she’s the originator of the fake lesbian- the girl bff- Kristen Stewart has never really been seen publicly with anyone other than costars […]

  39. […] by coming up with a list of what we won’t do or say today:We won’t talk about your fake lesbian relationship with Nikki ReedWe won’t make you feel bad that you have cheated on, are cheating on and will continue to […]

  40. I’m a lesbian & I didn’t laugh. Why does it bother you so much? Are you that insecure with yourself? I’m gay & don’t give a shit if they’re being fake lesbians! ffs. Get a life OTHER than your internet one! kthnx

  41. does anyone no how i can get a letter to nikki reeds hands….????

  42. I always sorta thought that Kristen was gay/bi, and Nikki has come out and said that she was bi-sexual. But that’s besides my point. Why do you people care so much that they hold hands and peck each other’s lips? Seriously. I hold hands with all my friends; well, rather they hold hands with me. Hell, I’ve held hands with my friend while she held hands with her boyfriend, too. And my other friend, fuck, she’s kissed me in front of her boyfriend, but it was just a peck. We weren’t being fake lesbians, we were showing affection.

    And how do you know they weren’t actually a couple? Maybe they weren’t so out with it because they knew what kind of publicity they would get. They obviously are not dumb. It would be all over the news and magazines and all that shit. And more than likely, America would be a fucking bitch about it because there are so many homophobes out there.

    But seriously, for fucks sake. Quit caring so much about their life. You don’t even know them. -.- Christ. And the only reason I saw this was because I was looking for a picture of two people holding hands to draw, and my eyes caught site of Kristen and Nikki holding hands and was like: “Wha-?” So meh.

    Oh, and for all you obsessed fangirls, Rob doesn’t want you. He never will. ;P He’s a star and you’re not. Face it. It’s life. Now quit obsessing over actors/actresses, and get a real life. 🙂


  43. I use to sleep in a babe doll with my best friend, she wore a short nightie and no panties, does that make us lesbians, we never kissed or caressed only cuddled as we slept.

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