Letters to Twilight dot com

Dear Twilight,

It’s been over a month at our new home at LetterstoTwilight.com and we love it, but we’re dumbfounded why people still think they can find new letters to you here. You know where to find us. Now let’s help the 5,000 plus people who still stop here daily to find new letters to you!

If you’d like to get new LTT by Email: Subscribe to Letters to Twilight by Email here. You’ll never miss new LTT that way!

Love,
UC & Moon

LETTERSTOTWILIGHT.COM

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Letters To Twilight DOT com!

Dear Twilight,

Can you Tell Stephenie Meyer to Tell Buttcrack Santa to tell Tequila Tomas to tell Bella to tell Edward to come over and show me the leg hitch to tell the THOUSANDS of people still coming here to read Letters to you that we no longer write them here but instead write them at:

LetterstoTwilight.com

Thank you!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Update your bookmarks: LetterstoTwilight.com

Update your feed in your blog reader: LetterstoTwilight.com/feed

Having trouble reading the new site? Comment here & we’ll see what we can do to help!

Reasons to keep blogging about vampires

Dear faithful readers,

Quite often we receive emails from our beloved readers and without a doubt a first time emailer always says something like this:

UC & Moon,

Oh I feel like I’m writing to celebrities! You guys have no idea how lost I was before I found you. I’ve just stopped working for the past 3 days to read EVERY SINGLE post you wrote in the past! I think you are so funny and smart and SO freakin’ beautiful. I mean, UC, have you considered sending in a picture to Rob? He’d drop whatsherface in a second if he knew what you looked like. I don’t know how you guys do it- write letters- each and every day!

Love,
Your biggest fan

Okay so maybe I made SOME of that up, but without a doubt, at least once a day we get asked “how do you do it day after day?” Whenever I get those emails I want to write back:

IT’S 11:48PM AND I HAVE TO BE IN BED AT MIDNIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE UP AT 6:30 FOR WORK AND I HAVEN’T WRITTEN A SINGLE WORD OF MY LETTER TOMORROW. SO HOW DO I DO IT EACH AND EVERY DAY? HOW ABOUT I STOP. DO YOU WANT TO WRITE MY LETTER TOMORROW?

All in caps like a 12 year old (or my grandmother) for emphasis. Because some days, and I’ll be honest MOST days these days, I have NO inspiration. Nothing to write. Usually “how” I do it day after day is that I heard the news, read something funny, got a brilliant idea during the day at work. I start a draft or jot down ideas in no real form and then later that night when I’m home, I spend a little bit of time crafting it into a letter. The problem THESE days is that there’s no ideas flowing while at work. There’s no news to speak of or no funny things to make funnier. So no draft gets written, and I get home and want to watch the Olympics/Gossip Girl/Anything just so that I don’t have to write my letter. And that’s NOT fun.

But I don’t want to stop blogging about Vampires. I like blogging about vampires. (And I should probably add on to the “vampire-blogging” title and include things NOT related really at ALL to vampires but still somehow all relate back to vampires, like: pedophilia/monkeys/buttcracks/olive garden/lesbianism/XXL polo shirts/Taylor Swift/Paris’ Hilton’s ex’s etc. etc. etc.)

But I need encouragement. I need to remember WHY I do this. So I’ve decided to create a document. For Moon too because she’s in the same boat I am. Here are the reasons I came up with for why I can’t stop blogging about vampires:

Big Daddy Lautner1. We still haven’t met Big Daddy: The cream of the crop, the creme de la creme, the goal, my life’s mission and once it’s done I can die happy. And it hasn’t happened yet. Do you think it’s gonna happen if I give up LTT and go back to my boring blog with 58 followers (Aww that was mean- I love my boring blog. Sorry boring blog) NO. I must keep blogging about Vampires in order to hopefully one day meet Big Daddy Daniel Lautner, former pilot now In-N-Out destroyer/Olive Garden supporter. I know that the more I mention “Fish-o-filet” sammys in my letters, the better chance we’ll come up in a google search result for “Fish-O-Filet” and Big Daddy will see our site and think “They want to meet me!?” So if you’re reading this Big Daddy Daniel Lautner, Yes! We want to meet you. And we want to throw our hands 1/4 a way around you in a big hug. Or grab a bunch of friends to do a group hug so we can reach all the way around.

2. We still have two- maybe three- more movies: (F-M-L) And with epicness like Buttcrack Santa in Twilight, strong KungFu and “they’re not bears” in New Moon, you KNOW whatever Eclipse and Breaking Dawn #1 and #2 will bring will be THAT MUCH MORE EPIC! I mean, imagine all the jokes we’ll make when Taylor has to act like a guy/wolf in love eventually but not yet with a CGI baby. I mean, we’re gonna see Kristen with a prosthetic stomach. We HAVE to be around for that! The fandom needs us. We can’t let someone think “Oh, that’s not as awkward as I thought it was gonna be.” You’re wrong, fandom. We know this already. It is MORE awkward and we have to be around to remind you of that daily!

Meet Boo-Boo. Does that move look familiar?

3. Where will all your fine readers go? Back to boring un-named blogs that say things like “Here is a picture of Boo-boo Stewart hugging a little child. How sweet” NO! That cannot happen! There will be a day, mark my words, probably the summer between 9th and 10th grades, when Boo Boo’s balls drop, his voice deepens, he grows taller and muscular and confesses that “Boo Boo” was what his mom started calling him when he came in the house crying at age three saying “boo boo on my knee. boo boo on my knee” and his real name is James or Tim. And do you think the OTHER un-named boring sites will say, “Call Chris Hansen. James/Tim Stewart has entered our radar. Hold me back.” I don’t think so.

4. Someone needs to keep Kellan accountable in his faith. It’s tough being the hot piece of man meat that he is. He wants to stray. He wants to take those Calvin’s OFF but he doesn’t. Cuz he knows we’re watching. That’s why he climbed in a tree and read his Men of Faith Bible that he got at a Promise Keeper’s conference in 2005 with his dad and Uncle Jerry. If we weren’t around that would be him, naked in a tree reading a Hustler mag. We need to do this for Kellan.

So, faithful readers, I got us started but help me finish the list. Why should we keep on blogging about vampires. I will take the best reasons, add them to what I started and put the list into PDF form, laminate two copies, mail one to Moon, make her memorize it and say it EVERY day as our mantra.

Your faithful vampire blogger,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Our Crazy Twilight Life

Dear LTTers,

If you think Rob & Kristen have had a crazy time since Twilight made it big, you should see what happens to Moon & I in our lives. We were just two little twenty-somethings, minding our own business, breaking down that 1 hour long Vanity Fair vid that we love so much when BAM- we suddenly have a blog bigger than we ever expected where sometimes, when UC writes a post about Cougars & Robert Pattinson, it gets reposted on a blog who’s description is:

Catering to men leaving the country for a good time

(They also give re-post love to blogs about hot Asian girls with sexy legs)

And right before I got the good news about us being the new spokeswomen for prostitution in Thailand, I signed into wordpress.com (our blogging platform) to approve some comments and I noticed that wordpress thought our post about Cougars and Robert Pattinson deserved the term “Hawt.” And they decided to throw my face nice & big next to the post- ensuring that everyone will now think I am the cougar instead of the 26 year old I actually am, and solidifying the fact that my dad will find out I run this blog instead of do work at his company since he knows every single thing about every single cougar in the Tri-state area.

Daddy, I promise I work on the blog from 5:15pm-11:15pm. Not during office hours

Daddy, I promise I work on the blog from 5:15pm-11:15pm. Not during office hours

And then there was that time when Moon was in her office, minding her own beeswax, and her co-worker (the goddess who introduced her to the Twilight series) IMed her and said “You gotta check out this hilarious new blog I found: LetterstoTwilight.com” and Moon frantically tried to play it off like she was surprised to hear of this brand new blog until she finally gave up and confessed she runs the blog and moved on to trying to figure out how to explain to her coworker where she gets the time to run a blog (Coworker: blog running always happens from the hours of 5:15pm-11:15pm- don’t worry. I can vouch for Moon)

Smile Girls. Someone approves your fakelesbian-ship

Smile Girls. Someone approves your fakelesbian-ship

And sometimes, when I am drifting off to sleep while trying to clear our LTT e-mail inbox thinking “please let this be the last one. God I promise I will never let 3 weeks go by without replying to e-mails every again,” I come across a gem like this:

im deeply in luv with all characters from twilight saga. i hear tht ppl think nikki and kristen saposably are in an affair??? well who cares i luv them both and i will stick up for them as long as i live. both are best friends for each other and best friends are always close…extremely close. so they may have tap kisses here and there but those can be friend kisses or not. i mean look at nikki shes beautiful im a 15 y/o girl and if i had the chance to kiss her i would same for kristen. im not bi or les but hey i wouldnt and dont care what ppl would say.

And when all these things happen within a few days of each other, I think to myself, “Those Twilight kids have it easy- Moon & I are the ones with the crazy lives.”

And then at 12am Saturday morning when I’m in a video/audio/text chat room with 11 LTT/LTR pals, and everytime a new “guest” arrives I ask ‘Is that you, Rob?”, Moon and I end up having a side conversation and gushing how 6 months ago, we knew none of the girls (and one unicorn!) we were chatting with. And we will take the people who mistake us for cougars, the co-workers who find out our secrets, the jailtime in Thailand for soliciting prostitutes & the crazy e-mails, just because we love all of you. And we also believe it’s about time we share more of the crazy e-mails we receive, so this will become a more regular feature!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What in the world is going on in Rob’s world over on LTR?
Chat it up! In The Forum

Everything I needed to know about life I learned from Twilight

twilight-book-coverDear Stephenie Meyer,

I’ve been apart of the Twilight fandom and reader of your saga for going on 9months now. Quite a short amount of time when you think about it and especially compared to some folks who have been around since the beginning. But 9months of living, breathing, reading and blogging about anything and everything, Twilight has show me quite a few things about life, stuff I can’t believe I didn’t know before all this and I’m sure you’ll agree…

  • If your boyfriend ever breaks up with you, getting lost in the woods is a good way to meet some of the local boys and perhaps Mr. Rebound will carry you home if you act ‘out of it’ enough
  • When you really need to know if your 17yr old crush exhibits characteristics of  a vampire, it’s totally ok to wait till you can get to a bookstore to buy a book about Native American Legends instead of googling it immediately
  • Fake, sexy vampires. Yes please

    Fake, sexy vampires. Yes please

    It is perfectly acceptable to expect to find a guy who is gorgeous, smart, rich, charming, has a 6 pack, desires you above anyone else, would die for you and doesn’t’ mind when you’re a whiny little bitch

  • If your crush shows you that his skin sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight, stick around! You definitely want to find out if he can uproot trees, hurl logs across fields and breathe you into submission with his ice cold breath
  • If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection
  • It’s perfectly normal to expect your vampire boyfriend and your werewolf best friend to fight to the death on your behalf even when you can’t choose between them while leading them both on. It’s called chivalry after all
  • To be a true catch all you need is: rock hard abs, family of super hero quality people, immortality, a sister with the ability to see the future, a shiny silver volvo, and a wounded heart
  • jasperaliceIf you’ve ever thought the idea of doing it with a vampire is sexy and dangerous, it is. You will enjoy the sex. The sex will be more mind blowing than you can imagine. But the pain of a half-vampire child ripping it’s way out of your womb because you chose to have unprotected sex with said handsome vampire? Not worth it
  • When you go into labor with your unplanned, supernatural child, having your husband chew through your abdomen to deliver the monster baby is a viable delivery option
  • I can write something funny about ANYTHING vampire-related in 30 minutes at 2 in the morning
  • Meeting people off the internet with names like Mrs. P_ifurnastee,  Jaspergetsmeexcited and DrCullenatyourService and is a really safe idea!
    Wait. You're how old?

    Wait. You're how old?

  • If a man tries to manipulate your emotions, let him. He’s only using his special gift to make you feel better about yourself because your boyfriend is a flawless human specimen, his sister is quite possibly a former supermodel, treacherous rival vampires have made it their lifes mission to kill you and you’re an average human girl who’s clumsy and thinks sweatpants and holey tshirts are acceptable clothing options to take on a trip to Italy
  • Spending every evening online tweeting, posting in a forum and blogging about Vampires is good for your social life

So as you can see the keys to living a good life are found in your saga Stephenie! Did you know that? Between you and me I think you may be on to something. Who knows, this whole Twilight could really blow up some day!

Off to find a sparkly perfect boyfriend! Cause that’s totally possible!
Themoonisdown

Do what did you learn about life from Twilight?

Don’t miss out on Letters to Rob today!
Wanna chat more? Or read some new FanFic? Head over to the Forum!

Stuff people tell us about Twilight. That we already know

For example, we've already seen this hot pic of Ashley and discussed how we want to be lesbians with her (not the fake kind, either)

For example, we've already seen this hot pic of Ashley and discussed how we want to be lesbians with her (not the fake kind, either)

Dear people who email us,

We love you. We really do. We love hearing from you. Promise. Even though sometimes it stresses me out that every time I check my email (like every 5-7 minutes) I have 5-7 new emails from you. But we love you despite that. Even though we don’t have time to write back promptly, which makes me sad because we hate not being prompt. We still love you more than you know.

We love you even though you tell us things we already know. (Yes, we heard Kristen was caught wearing Rob’s shirt, and no, we don’t think it magically shrunk from a male size M to a female size XS so it now fits Kristen snugly.  There is a small chance they have the same shirt) We love you even though you tell us things 3 weeks late. (Yes, we heard Kristen held Jackson’s hand leaving dinner in Vancouver and no, we don’t think they’re secretly dating.) We love you even when 5-7 of you send us an email that says the exact same thing, with the exact same picture/post with the exact same plea to “Break it down” or post it as “2nd-hand embarrassment.” (We’ve seen every one of the Twilight/Edward/Rob tattoos possible and promise we’re so 2nd-hand embarrassed we’re not even sure how to respond)

We love you all.

And we are huge fans, just like you

We are bloggers. We do this full time. (Don’t tell our bosses)

We also know about this thing called “Google alerts” and also use them. If you have a google alert set for the words “Rob Pattinson” (which all good RPattz fans should), you will get the same exact alerts that we get. It’s magic. Hug Larry Page next time you see him.

We usually find out those 5-7 things you sent us before anyone else (Except for Gozde at Robsessed.. that girl knows everything- We swear she’s actually Rob)

If we did not post something you emailed us 5-7 times, it was intentional. Cuz we can’t break it all down. We’re not superwomen (Fine yes, we are.. .but we limit our super powers to a limited number of things)

So, if in the next 5-7 minutes you were planning on drafting the following topics in an email to us, maybe think twice.

  • We’ve seen the Jizz in my Pants Twilight spoof & laughed hard. Like 6 months ago.
  • Taylor got buff. We know. We stared.hard would never care about that because he is a child
  • We will not feel bad if you send us hate mail because you bought the Edward Action figure thinking he’s be so awesome and so much fun, but it turns out he sucks. We told you that back in January. Just because we were the first to photograph him at random spots around the globe doesn’t mean it’s fun, in fact, it’s really 1st-hand embarassing.
  • Yep, we’ve seen the Wolfpack.  Yep, they’re smokin’.  Yep, we wish they would have been in the trailer too. Yep, we think they’ll be in the next one. Nope, we can’t admit Taylor is hot, he’s a child.
  • Yes. Seen the trailer. Finally admitting Taylor’s muscles are freakin’ hot. Arrest me, Chris Hansen. 17 is legal some places.

Love you 5-7 times more than you thought we did,
UC & Moon

This is not a post telling anyone to stop emailing us (unless you were about to press send on an email telling us Rob is in NYC- we KNOW), it is merely an excuse to use that hot picture of Ashley. Oh, and to also tell the girl who emailed us earlier (thinking we’re Rob) who is planning on telling her friends she found Rob Pattinson’s e-mail address that Rob is really looking forward to hearing from her.

-I have this weird thing where I have to mention Larry Page at least once a day.
-I think Moon is actually posting about seeing Sam Bradley this weekend on LTR. Go check now & e-mail her hate mail if she hasn’t shared with us her magical experience yet. I’ll give you her direct line at work to hate call her too.
-Guilty of e-mailing us news 6 months late? Follow us on Twitter and you’ll know whatever we know, whenever we know it
-Need more LTR or LTT and are sad we only post once per day? Go to the Forum & you’ll never be alone. (Seriously, we got 3 new viagara spammers yesterday who personally private messaged me asking for the e-mail addresses for lonely girls. Apparently they have a ‘fix’ for your lonliness)