Mr. Choice watches New Moon

Dear Unicorns, LTTers & those who care about a man’s opinion of New Moon,

Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary with Mr. Choice. This combined with my mention last week of not being done with New Moon quite yet really puts me in the mood to share with you an experience I had a week or so ago:

Mr. Choice said to me, on a Sunday afternoon, “I’d like to watch New Moon with you.” After I looked around for the “Pun’k” cameras and checked to feel if I still had a pulse, I asked him what I had to do in return. Apparently nothing (Well, there was a 30 second conversation about me needing to be in the “buff” in order for him to watch it, but I promised to make him popcorn instead. After 4 years of marriage I’ve learned what compromise means. And that sometimes food wins over sex) Watching New Moon with Mr. Choice was interesting. And embarrassing. And really kind of fun!

Here are his thoughts:

He did not know who the old woman was in the first scene despite Bella calling her “Gram” a few times

Have you seen my werthers? I seem to have misplaced them...

When Edward appeared in the field- he gasped. And Laughed. Then asked if I had a lady boner (I did)

Your werthers are in my pants...

Mr. Choice is a musician- a very talented one- and dreams of one day writing the score for a Twilight film. Before last night he had never heard the score to New Moon. Every night as I’m falling asleep I hear this song coming from his studio- it sounds JUST like the main theme from New Moon. I told him I thought that awhile back and he said he wrote the song in high school. Tonight, he said, “Desplat stole this shit from me. I have the original score in a box at my parents house.” He was pretty pissed the rest of the film…..Someone owes the Choice family a bunch of money…

When Jacob first appears outside of the school, he stops it and rewinds yelling IS THAT A MULLET!? Then we had to watch it in slow mo while I took this screen shot:

After Alice gives Bella her bday present and Jasper wishes her a happy birthday (well, he starts to wish her a happy birthday and then says “Nevermind…”) we had this conversation:

Mr. Choice: Why is he mean?
UC: He just controlled her mind right there. And then afterwards he noticed/felt how mad she was. So he decided not to follow through with his birthday wish. Plus he has a really bad wig. So he doesn’t know how else to act

During the famous line “You’re my only reason to stay alive (awkward pause) if that’s what I am (awkward Pause),” Mr. Choice yelled, “HE IS NOT GOOD!”

When the blood fell to the floor I heard the biggest, fakest GASP of his life. And then utter laughter when Edward goes after Jasper & pushes Bella out of the way. And then lastly, there was some true concern for the piano.

During the birthday kiss by the truck- the one we’ve talked about many times (aka the one I heard in the theater when the screen went black)

Mr. Choice yells, “DID HE JUST ROCK IT!?” I laughed and said, “I told you about how it sounds like they’re having sex when you close your eyes.” And he said- “NO. LOOK.” Then rewound it (it took us like 5 hours to watch the movie with all the rewinding), and put it on slow mo. He’s right. Something happened. Maybe the gaffer took the mic from below and gave Rob the ultimate tickle or something, but he definitely, using Mr. Choice’s choice of words, “ROCKED IT”

Oh yeah Gaffer.... right there.... right there...

Tragedy occurs, Mr. Choice adds lines & we find out how to make an Edward fort after the jump!

We’re not quite done with New Moon yet…

Dear Twilight New Moon,

Before we jump full swing into Eclipse mode, I feel we need to revisit New Moon & address some things we left out when discussing it incessantly over the past, oh, I dunno, year or so. While watching the movie with my hubby this weekend, (THAT review will be shared soon!) I was reminded of HOW AWKWARD it is to watch these movies with outsiders. I always feel the need to stop every 5 seconds and explain what is going on. Or explain what was going on in the book to make them come to this decision in the movie. Or explain how the book did it better. Or explain how it was less cheesy in the book. Or explain how Bella was less bitchy last time I remembered….

Here are a few things I meant to discuss long ago:

• When Jake visits Bella at school on her birthday and they’re discussing Jacob’s Rabbit, Bella asks, “Is it fast?” (Awkward pause) Jacob, “Not really….” Ummmmmmm WHY? Why did this have to happen? Was it necessary to kill 15 seconds with utter awkwardness right there? If you were looking for something to fill that time, you could’ve asked me. My answer would have been LEG HITCH or the New Moon equivalent. (Hand-holding in the Volturi hallway- FAIL- I’m still pissed that scene wasn’t included)

• Their English teacher, Mr. Birdy, looks like Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World!

• How does no one think it’s odd that when Sam finds Bella he has his shirt off? I feel like we already discussed this or at LEAST mentioned it, but why aren’t people more in an uproar? WE understand that Sam is a wolf and therefore wears his jorts on a cord around his ankle & runs around shirtless, but no one else does. It was raining out. It was chilly. Doesn’t Charlie, the cop, think it’s odd that an older, shirtless guy finds his daughter and he’s half naked? Isn’t he concerned that maybe Sam got a little freaky? Shouldn’t we see Chris Hansen popping out of the trees? Or maybe the 15 seconds wasted on the Rabbit conversation could’ve been used here. Charlie asks: “Why the hell is your shirt off, Sam?” Sam: “I’m a wolf therefore I’m used as sex appeal in this movie because Robert Pattinson is gone for the next hour and 1/2 I had to use it to dry off Bella’s face and I left it in the woods.” There done.

• 

  I'm sorry- who are you?

  After Bella finds out that Jake is a wolf & they are at Emily’s, Jacob saunters up to the house being the only boy fully clothed. Not only that, but he has this look. It’s this cocky look like he knows he’s the shit.  It’s hot. It’s a different Taylor and a different Jacob. The baby voice leaves us for a second & he just looks like a man. Gone are my visions of him on the cover of People mag in 3 years with the caption “YES- I’M GAY” while Big Daddy is in the background, with ketchup on his polo shirt. Just for those few minutes I can see Taylor as a grown up, sexy man- growing a little taller- fitting his muscles a little bit more- deepening his squeaky voice. Honestly, it looks like he lost his virginity the night before. I can’t tell if it’s Jacob who got freaky with a female wolf in the woods or if it was Taylor who gave it up. Either way I’m kinda feeling like Nikki Reed was involved. She either morphed into wolf form & took Jacob’s vcard or snuck into Taylor’s hotel room the night before. Possibly Forcefully.

• When Bella tells Charlie that she needs a “girls night out” I appreciate the try, but it sounds more like a tom boy trying to convince her mom she wants to buy some Jimmy Choo’s. Or she’s being sarcastic and really IS having a girls night out… with “Ilikebigboobs41” who she met on dykesRUs.com

• In the garage when Bella meets Quil & Embry she says to them, sarcastically, “Oh- you have girlfriends now!?” And …. I just don’t get it? What does she mean? I’ve read the books & seen the movie 7 times… and every time I have NOT gotten that joke. What am I MISSING here!?

• And THEN Jacob calls Mike a MARSHMALLOW? I mean #1 I don’t know what that is. And #2 Is that what the kids are saying these days? Because I’m PRETTY SURE a normal 16 year old isn’t going to call a dude he doesn’t like the name of a delicious snack that goes well with chocolate and graham crackers after being cooked over a fire. And #3 forget what I said above about forgetting Jacob is a soon-to-be-out-of-the-closet teen. I remember again.

• This is one of my other favorite parts from the brilliance screenplay: Jake: “Bella, you’ve been lying to everyone … Charlie…. (awkward pause) ” Then he stops because he realizes she hasn’t been lying to anyone else….

• And whyyyyy hasn’t it even been discussed or put on a Tshirt that it sounds like Jacob is trying to come out to Bella when she confronts him about being a wolf. “Bella, this isn’t a LIFESTYLE choice. I was BORN this way!” It feels a litttttle too much like Bobby is trying to tell his mommy that he wants to take Billy to the prom instead of Barbara

I could go on & on… and for sure I’d make at least 6 other gay references. I have no idea why I just made so many- but it’s like they all just HIT me when I watched the DVD this weekend!

Here’s for less gay jokes and more “oohs and ahhs” over hot LEG HITCH scenes in Eclipse,
UnintendedChoice xo

Before we retire New Moon forever (until our 10 year LTT world-wide tour) what have you noticed lately that we’ve never discussed? Did Yorkie seem the straightest of them all during your last viewing? Do you feel as awkward as I do when watching the movie with a first-timer!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Don’t forget about the HARRY POTTER BOOK CLUB that just started over on The Forum! Join them today!
Harry Potter LTT Book Club

Twilosophy, on a Friday?

Dear Twilosophy Class,

Normally on Fridays we like to go all “dumb” on you- post a funny story, a picture we can all lust over, etc. etc. etc. But today, you’re gonna have to DEAL with it because Moon & I got all Twilosophical through an email conversation with our friend EastFriend (yes- from The Quad- she’s still alive!) and it just HAD to be shared. While this may not be our normal Friday thang, you don’t want to miss this conversation. And we don’t want to miss your thoughts (although, I (UC) just left for vacation, so I’m going to have to miss it!)

EastFriend kicked us off sharing something she just read in Rolling Stone Magazine about Vampire Diaries, contrasting it with Twilight:

“We’re surrounded by bat-porn fantasies these days, but Vampire Diaries is the one that feels most authentic, because it’s the most adolescent, the most ordinary.  It would kill the fantasy if there were anything glamorous about Elena.  (That’s why Twilight was so great, when Kristen Stewart was just some mousy girl in a flannel shirt, and New Moon sucked, when Kristen Stewart was a movie star.)

EastFriend:

Really? “Twilight was so great?” “New Moon sucked?”

I do get the charm of the cast being relative unknowns when Twilight was 1st released, and the “old hat” feeling of them by the time we got to New Moon. And I also accept the fact that a percentage of the fandom is not on board with Eclipse due to (a) Being over it, (b) Hating Kristen, (c) Hating Rob for being with Kristen, (d) Worrying over David Slade and all these reshoot/new editor/blah-blah-blah rumors of late, etc., and (e) Complete over saturation of the series (how has Harry Potter maintained the magic for well over a decade?!?), which would fall in line with being over it, I guess.

Was Twilight “so great” because it was so “unknown” at first (and by unknown, I mean by the world at large–not by us, who’d read it at Hilton Head and knew greatness long before the masses!), and did New Moon suck because a cast full of young adults, heretofore unknown, had spent the previous year in our faces? Blogs, TV, magazine covers, websites, premieres, award shows, film festivals, etc.

Seriously. I have to discuss this.

Who is the best British fantasy star? I'm not sure, guess we'll have to see YOU naked, Rob...

UC:

The difference between Twilight and Harry Potter is that with HP we have to wait SO long between movies. I get why we don’t have to with Twilight:

#1- Summit wants the money NOW

#2- They don’t want the cast members to “Age,” but come on- it’s the MOVIES. you can make it work!

And about Twilight seeming so GREAT vs New Moon….I think it depends on who you ask about NM vs TWI…. reviewers & industry people hated both, but hated New MOON more- I think because it was a better quality movie- more money, more effort, less indie/rando/Cathy Cougar is a little drunk feeling. I think a lot of people connect with Catherine’s style & saw her portrayal of Twilight for what it was- a movie gearing towards the MTV crowd… and it was okay. It worked for what it needed to do. But with New Moon, Summit is trying to compete with major block-busters- with the Harry Potters & the comic-book-series of these days… and well, it falls majorly short if that’s what you’re comparing it to. But for us as fans (and most of the people that we come into contact with) the actors did SUCH a better job in NM & it was just less cheesy & more true to the book- so we love it more.

However… that being said.. I don’t have the emotional connection to New Moon like I did with Twilight. I haven’t watched the DVD yet. I didn’t see it as much in the theaters. Is that because of being inundated so much in the Twi world? After my emotional mess when I was entranced by this Twilight world and before I had the blogs to run to, I’d cry when I put on songs #7-12 of the soundtrack… the New Moon soundtrack is SOO GOOD and yet I never cried….. What IS that?

Get even DEEPER after the jump!

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by where the EFF have I been?

Dear Twilight,

Where the EFF have I been? I’ve missed some GREAT videos over the past year or so.

Starting with this BRILLIANT video from the fall that apparently 1,000,000 other people saw:

Spider Monkey with Grandma Bella? Carlisle’s voice!? Jasper’s hair? The Radiohead knock-off at the end and “They do in my world?” AMAZING!

This video from forever ago makes me sad & now I want to READ the book again!

And we may have posted this before but if we did not- SHAME on us becuase it’s so brilliant. And watch it again if we already posted it because.. well, it’s SO Brilliant:

I love weekend videos! Happy Weekending!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

If you are new or haven’t been around in awhile, a few weeks back Moon & I decided to stop posting on the weekends & instead post an “OPEN POST” on Saturdays that stays up until Monday morning. That way you can chat if you want, enjoy something short & funny and then get back to important stuff…. until the Twilight world picks up again. Then Moon & I will be back to wasting your time on the weekends! If you’re super bored…. I’m gonna pick a random post for you to read or re-read. How about from…… May 17, 2010? I have no idea what this is: Bad case of Lovin’ Dr. Cullen

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

When Twihards attack

Dear Twihards,

First let’s come up with a better name for ourselves because I don’t exactly like to be called anything that ends in “hards.” Secondly, other people are onto us. It’s not just our little LTT corner of the fandom that discusses the ridiculous (but amazingness) of the phenomenon anymore. Other people know. Like REAL people who haven’t fallen for the Edward Cullen or Jacob Black trap. They haven’t been entranced by the “spider monkey” line or Buttcrack Santa or the Fake lesbians, the DILF’s mustard pants or the brilliancy of “They’re NOT Bears!”

A few weeks ago I heard about some drama going down on a blog called The Score Card Review. Basically every year they host their own movie awards on their site. They work with writers & people in the industry to come up with a list of the best movies, actors, screenplays etc. etc. etc. And then their readers vote. It’d be like if we did an LTT award ceremony and had you vote between Buttcrack Santa & Big Daddy (which would be CRUEL and unfair. HOW COULD ONE CHOOSE!?)

So anyway, New Moon was included as one of the options on a few categories. The guy running the awards said even though the movie wasn’t at the caliber as many of the Oscar-nominated movies that were also up for his award, it made a lot of money and he wanted to see where it ended up in the rankings. Here is the rest of the story, straight from his site:

Last year, 823 people voted. February 16, a date that will live in infamy to … well, me. I was tracking my stats, and noticed people finding the TSR Movie Awards from [a bunch of Twilight sites]. On February 16, I had over 2,000 voters. Then I looked at the results. Everything Twilight was nominated for, was destroying the competition. Destroying. Something had to be done. It was a hostile takeover. I ran some filters and noticed a couple of things.

1. A number of voters were only voting for Twilight and nothing else.
2. A large number of voters were giving everything Twilight a 10 and everything else a 1.
3. Moon was crushing everything else for Best Ending. Keep in mind this is a film barely anyone saw, yet hundreds were voting for it. I think it did $1.5 million at the box office. My best guess as to why this was happening … Remember when I said the awards appeared on many Spanish websites? I think they recognized the word Moon and decided that must be The Twilight Saga: New Moon. When Moon was the ONLY film hundreds voted on for Best Ending, it’s the most reasonable explanation.

The site decided to pull New Moon from the awards. This was (part of) their official statement:

Unfortunately, I had to remove ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’ choices. Too many twihards were giving everything Twilight a 10, and every other film a 1, trying to manipulate the results.

I love movies, movie fans and I have no problem with people loving Twilight, but trying to kill other movies is not the point of these awards….but here is an example of what was happening …

In the BEST MUSIC category, Twilight had a 9.3 score. The next highest was Crazy Heart with a 3.8. That was the next highest! In other words, there were hundreds of twihards who decided the best way for Twilight to win was to give the other nominees a 1.

Apparently fans FLIPPED out & sent him hate mail & hate comments. And he had some pretty strong words for the “Twihards” and called them out for their avid fan… uh.. ish.. ness. Yes. their fanishness..

Hear my thoughts & get Twilosophical with me after the jump

Storytime with Moon – New Moon DVD release party in “Los Angeles”

Finally, you are out!

Dear Twilight,

Now that we’re all coming down off the high of having watched hours upon hours of special features, extended scenes, music videos, commentary (Jacob Black’s romantic fails!), Edward in fast forward and mostly just a lot of sighing and swooning I think it’s time we relive  actually purchasing the DVD and seeing Chris Weitz and Nikki Reed at the New Moon DVD release party. *needle skips* maybe I should ACTUALLY  say ATTEMPT to Chris Weitz and Nikki Reed and ALMOST buy a New Moon DVD… let’s back up shall we?

I think it’s time for Storytime with Moon:

After it was announced that CeeDubs and NReed would be gracing us with their presence here in LA for a NM DVD release party us LA gals emailed back and forth trying to narrow down where we thought it would be. Not Hot Topic like last year, they didn’t even have a DVD. Probably not a blockbuster… too small for LA folks so it had to be the Borders in Hollywood, right? The one that a previous Twilight event had taken place. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! @Twilight announce it would actually be in SANTA CLARITA which is about an hour north of Los Angeles at a WalMart. Because you see, Los Angeles doesn’t actually have a WalMart. So with our LA DVD release party not actually occuring in LA we organized the great Roadtrip of 2010 to Santa Clarita to meet our lover Chris Weitz and to see Nikki Reed again.

We arrived and being used to shopping in small shops, grocery stores or the 3 story Target for our toiletries, food and clothes we ran from aisle to aisle looking at everything WalMart had to offer.

Cases of Red Bull next to a copy of New Moon. Cause you’ll need artificial stimulants to make it through the entire saga in 2 days. AND GO!

And then we found these gems on the Barbie aisle. The Bella Barbie next to the Joan Jett Barbie?! What other unintentional hilarity would we find?

And then we found it! The Twilight “store” inside of WalMart and I did a leap for joy! Awkward TShirts for 9 dollars? Necklaces of fangs?! Dripping blood earrings? Oh WalMart you know this saga SOOOO well.

Over it! Goodbye Runaways and Remember Me, give me back my Twilight!

GET THE LOOK! And then get a life

Dear Remember Me & The Runaways-

If I see another commercial, video clip, interview, late night talk show, picture, WHATEVER about you it will be too soon. I think we have officially reached the over saturation point. You’re EVERYWHERE I turn. On the TV, on huge billboards, on Twitter, and on every TWILIGHT site. I’m SOOO over it. I don’t care how to get Kristen’s eye makeup look from the movie (sleep in day old eyeliner and smudge), I don’t care that Pierce Brosnon decided to use a “Brooklyn Accent” (he shoulda forgotaboutit, cause it’s awful), I don’t care who they wore to the premieres (Pucci, Doo.Ri, Elie Saab, Valentino, Derelique) and I DEFINITELY do not care that Dakota and KStew made out and it was “hot” (it wasn’t).

In the total media onslaught for these two films we seem to have lost track of two very important things: New Moon and Eclipse! WTF are those, right? I totally forgot about the New Moon DVD coming out and what happened to Eclipse?! I was too busy watching Rob and Emilie kissing on E! News to remember such trivial things like having FACEPUNCH available in the comfort of my home! It’s the day before New Moon comes out on DVD and we don’t even know know which stores the cast will be making appearances at. Who wants to talk about “Cherry Bomb” when I can see Chris Weitz in the flesh?! That’s a NO BRAINER.

I think I'm supposed to care that this guy took a pic w/ Rob. All I care about is Dick in a bow tie

I can’t even go to a Twilight site to see whats new in the TWILIGHT FANDOM without having to sift through post after post of red carpet interviews with Cherrie Currie talking about Dakota or Rob talking about the nuances of a love scene with Emilie. I don’t care anymore, that was last week give me my TWILIGHT BACK!! Give me Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse or give me death!

Oh and ANOTHER THING…

Seriously Twitter users, it’s just overkill now. We know and agree wholeheartedly that Kristen and Dakota looked hot at the premieres but your 24/7 virtual lady boners for these girls are weirding us the ef out. One more day of this stuff and I’m going to hang a “gone fishing” sign on the virtual door of our Twitter and come back once the fake lesbian (or maybe not) Viagra has worn off. Damn.

WAIT, Eclipse is coming out?! There are jorts and Edward!!

So remember last fall when we finally had to call a moratorium on the word “jizz?” Yup, I think we’re there again only this time it’s on the Runaways and Remember Me. Please go away and give me my Twilight back.

Hiding in a fallout shelter till the viagra wears off or until something worthwhile comes out,
Themoonisdown

/rant

PS If you will be in LA at some undisclosed location with Chris Weitz and Nikki Reed and hopefully me (moon) and some other gals please come say hi and hand me a chill pill, or a hug. Thanks!

Are you over it? Can’t get enough Runaways make up tips? Watched EVERY video of Rob on the RM red carpet? Want to hurt someone for some Eclipse information? What the crap is happening with Breaking Dawn? Do I need anger management class?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

New Moon DVD- which one should you get?

Moon, A famous guy at Hot Topic whose name we forget, Me

Dear New Moon DVD,

It really seems like no one gives a crap that you’re releasing this weekend. Oh wait, is that just me? I dunno, member last year how I flew to LA (okay the date was a coincidence) stayed up till 5 am eastern time to stand in line with Moon, meet Ashley Green, meet a goth/gay/Hot Topic celebrity & randomly ask people in line if they’d ever heard of “Letters to Rob” & meeting awesome people like Charlie Bewley’s future girlfriend Ashley who become a fast friend? (Not to mention get my husband SUPER PISSED off at me as we left him wandering down Hollywood Blvd alone at 1 am, texting me every 10 minutes to see if we are done yet)

This year I don’t even know who is selling the DVD.  Is Walmart gonna have it? What about Target? Most importantly, will Marks & Spencer carry a special edition? Will it come with a pair of the underwear Rob Pattinson & Tom Stu made so popular the other week?

I don’t know. So today I decided to do some research myself and find out WHO will have the BEST DVDs and what each different DVD will offer:

I'm sad- I don't come with a charm bracelet

Let’s kick it off with The Basic New Moon DVD (or Blu-Ray but I don’t have one of those so I didn’t really pay attention. Sorry)

The basic New Moon DVD available everywhere, including your local grocery store so you really can never escape from Edward Cullen, even when you just ran in to pick up some milk & eggs, and will feature the movie (yay!), a commentary with Chris Weitz & the film’s editor which should be boring as crap unless Chris mentions his mustard colored pants and his knowledge of what a DILF means. Then there’s a 6 part documentary that is 60 minutes long on the making of New Moon. That could be really awesome, except….. isn’t that like basically the commentary? I mean, Chris Weitz made the movie, is commentarying the movie AND doing a documentary? Um. Overkill. And we’ll also get some rehearsal footage of Muse & some music videos from Soundtrack artists. Otherwise known as “filler.”

Target’s 3 Disc Deluxe Edition comes with…. wait for it…a BONUS FILM CELL! Yes!!!!!!! If I get Target’s version of New Moon this year, I can do absolutely NOTHING with the film cell just like I did with Twilight’s last year!!! Besides the regular 2 discs, Target’s version has an extra 3rd disc of over 50 min of never before seen content including: Deleted scenes (please let there be a sex scene- I don’t care with who- just spice it up!), Introducing the Volturi (I’d take the sex scene here), a making of the movie Featurette (making of the sex scene? Okay… I’ll stop), a look at the fans, & the music of New Moon. It costs $24.99

Let’s discuss this “Look at the fans.” What do they mean? Are they going to discuss the outfits the fans wear? Will they focus on the 100 monkeys canvas bags? How about on the fans who let their babies wear that “I like it Doggy Style” onesie? All I know is that they DIDN’T interview us, and well, that means The “look at fans” will most likely be focused on those weird fans. You know, the ones who have read the books 10+ times, forego sleep to read fan fiction, fly thousands of miles across the country to meet friends and do Twi-related things, wear outfits, make signs, leg hitch cardboard cut outs of actors and oh- wait… that is us. My bad. That’s Normal. (I STILL don’t have a Twilight tattoo or an “I drive like a Cullen” Bumper sticker!)

Walmart’s Ultimate Fan Edition New Moon DVD comes with some sort of special packaging that will get just as dusty on your DVD shelf as all the other packaging PLUS a 7 min sneak peek of Eclipse. At $24.96 that’s 3 cents cheaper than Target’s special edition and totally worth the guilt you’ll feel after saving the money when you realize it was probably packaged “specially” by some unpaid 3 year old in Bangladesh.

Catch my dreams, New Moon DVD with dreamcatcher thingey

Border’s Special Edition has JUST what you’ve been waiting for. Not only does it come with exclusive packaging, but inside the package there is a….. wait for it……. MEDALLION NECKLACE! Yes! You will no longer be the only one without something Twi-related around your neck at your monthly TwiMoms: How to be a better mom and mirror your relationship with your daughter after Bella’s relationship with Renesmee meeting. You don’t have to look stupid when you go see the 100 monkeys and have nothing for the guys to sign. Just wear a low cut shirt, hang that medallion right in your cleavage and give the guys a little wink & a shake. They’ll know where to sign..

The DVD also includes unreleased extended scenes, interviews, red-carpet footage (you can see when Moon ran on stage and had Rob sign HER boob- take THAT 100 monkey lovers with the Medallion Necklace) and some sort of Webcast. All this fun for only $29.99

Are you bored yet? I am. Just give me the damn DVD already Ugh- Soldiering on after the jump:

Yes Bella, you are right, “They’re NOT Bears!”

*In honor of our dear UC who loves to call me and say “They’re Not Bears!” I bring you this lovely letter from the even lovelier Bella (and Alice) from Not and Addikt*

Dear Bella,

You know, I gotta hand it to Edward: you’re a lot more observant than all of us initially gave you credit for. You immediately noticed the Cullens, you worked out all on your own that men get crabby when they’re hungry, and in the blink of an eye, you noticed those big wolves in New Moon are NOT bears. Whew, I’m glad you pointed that one out, because frankly, I was still puzzled and confused until you put me in the know. Then again, no wonder you’re such an expert, what with all the wildlife problems Forks has been having. Animal attacks, giant bears, local kids that explode into giant wolves and the likes. Anywho, it got me wondering what a movie night with you would be like. Are you one of those annoying people who figure out the plot after 5 minutes and can’t help but release my poor soul from its ignorance? Do you keep on slurping through your straw even though that coke has been emptied hours ago? Do you finish your snacks after 15 minutes and then eye mine like a PMSing vulture? Do you repeat that one semi-funny movie quote for days to come, like I do to annoy my bloggy pal Alice? Only one way to find out. Pull on your favourite pair of holey sweatpants, send Eddie hunting for a night, and browse my dvd collection for something you like. How about we make this a little marathon movie night? Allright, here we go.

Oh, so you’re into sci-fi trilogies, are you? So am I. Then again, Star Wars IS a classic.

No but they’re not wolves either. Got any other furry foresty suggestions?

Spot on again Bella, they are indeed NOT bears. We know they’re neither Ork nor Troll. So it makes total sense for you to inform us they’re also not bears, about as much sense as the fact that you are sharing a frame with a band of feisty Uruk Hais in Middle Earth.

Follow the cut to see what else is NOT a bear according to Bella

A Unicorn strikes again

I don’t know about you but I miss talking about Unicorns. It’s been SO long that I bet a bunch of you even assume we’re talking about the “Unicorns” from the Fan Fic “Wide Awake.” No, no, no. I mean the REAL Unicorns. You know, the mythical creatures- a GUY who likes the Twilight saga. Here is a Unicorn story that was sent to us that I just had to share!

Kaleb Nation- the original Unicorn

Dear Unicorn Boy at the AMC,

So, I arrived for my 12th (yes, 12, what has happened to my life?…) viewing of New Moon.  Now there is usually a relatively predictable crowd at each viewing; a few girls out for a ladies’ night hoping to swoon over Edward and the fABulous Jacob, girls who have boyfriends nice enough to go see the movie only because the wolves looked pretty cool in the trailer and the occasional family with younger children, who obviously have a Twilight fan for a mother. However, you, darling unicorn boy made this particular show oh so special.

I settled in, surrounded by the regular crowd of viewers and in you waltzed (late, but I will overlook that) with your baggy pants and comb sticking out of your hair, clearly not your typical Twilight fan. You sat right down in the second row with your popcorn and glued your eyes to the screen. Now I will admit I wondered if you were lost or drunk, or perhaps both. Maybe you thought the sign outside said Avatar or maybe that other vampire movie Daybreakers. I waited to see if perhaps your girlfriend just hadn’t stumbled in yet, but no you were all alone.

At first I barely noticed you once Edward appeared onscreen but then I heard you laugh and realized you were not to be ignored. I had to see your reactions. I watched your shock as Jasper tries to attack Bella, I heard your roaring (and slightly over-the-top) laughter as Bella sits sandwiched between Mike and Jacob at the movies and just as I was starting to like you, you ruined it all. As Jacob made his jump from the window after trying to help Bella figure out the truth, you yell out “He’s a mother f***kin’ wolf, girl!!”. Now I won’t lie, I laughed, because that’s just funny but was it really necessary? Perhaps I wouldn’t have found this so obnoxious if you hadn’t done what you did next. You answered your phone! Yes, right there in the movie, you answered your phone. Here you sat, my very own unicorn to gawk at and you turn out to be totally full of crazysauce!

Is Rob Pattinson a Unicorn?

So your conversation ended and your awkward laughter, weird head-bobbing and random comments continued. You really enjoyed the Volturi scene, I could tell, your eyes were wide and your mouth hung open. After the movie was over, I was so hoping to chat with you but you totally bolted, perhaps not wanting to face anyone else in the theater, because we all heard you…and laughed at you, er, with you I mean…

Anyways, while I won’t compare you to my other unicorn friend, because he knows how to act in a movie, I will say you were one-of-a-kind. And I just want to thank you for making it worth the 70 miles I drove to the theater and the $10 I spent to see a movie I had already seen 11 times before.

I can’t deny that you were entertaining and I’ll admit you’re right, he is a mother f***kin’ wolf.

Love,
The girl 3 rows behind you and a little to the left, who found you just delightful.

There! Doesn’t’ it feel good to talk about those kinds of Unicorns? Share your recent Unicorn stories today in the comments! And get caught up on our Unicorn archive

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