And even MORE Imma contest entries!

Dear Imma contest entrants and LTT-ers,

I know what you’re thinking “Wow, UC & Moon are SO lazy. They took advantage of the “Imma enter a Twilight contest contest” entries & have now posted them THREE days in a row as an excuse for a break from blogging.” And you would be right. We did this. Because bloggers are people too. And sometimes we get busy & need a break. Plus we’re lazy.

Since there were SO many good entries and since only two special folks could win AND since  we just happened to create fake categories that just happen to fit perfectly with some of the entries we’ve created fake prizes to show you just how much we love you. Cause we care. Sometimes.

Time for the funny…

Best entry featuring an American more popular in Germany than his home country

Kendall – You win the complete series of Baywatch on DVD and a private performance of “Hooked on a Feeling” by the Hoff himself! Lucky.

Best entry featuring an infomercial host who’s now in jail

JodieO – you win a free palm reading session with Jackson. He may not really be able to read palms but he definitely see’s a 100 Monkeys concert in your future

Follow the cut to see more entries!

Shh, we’ve got a secret to share… and it might involve Jacob Black

Who are you people?

Dear LTT/LTR-ers and Team Edward members-

I’ve got a secret that I’ve been hiding for a while. It’s not something I tell other people I usually hide it away and tell people what they want to hear cause really who wants to hear this dirty tale? No it’s not an addiction to Rob Porn and no I’m not hitting the sauce or smokin’ the mary jane, and no I haven’t turned into a crazy Pattinson Pants wearing Twihard. Nope it’s an entirely different secret all together.

But I couldn’t handle the secret anymore… I just had to share with someone else and risk ostracizing myself because I couldn’t take it anymore! So I asked UC to sit down and brace herself cause what I was about to reveal was quite heavy. And what ensued reads like two addicts discussing their secret tendencies for the bad stuff…

Moon: i picked up NM again
Moon: bella said “holy crow” in the part i read last night
Moon: im having team jacob tendencies but i think its cause i havent read about edward in forever
UC: i’ll be honest… i’m loving him these days too
UC: i dunno why
Moon: seriously, I’m so glad you said that!! I felt like an outcast!
UC: i dunno why… but we are

Forget cliff diving! Let's go skinny dipping!

OK OK OK!!! Yes, I’m secretly loving Jacob and I can’t stop. Don’t look at me that way, I can see your disappointed eyes through this letter! So why is that? Why do we feel like we’ve betrayed Edward? And why is Jacob looking like such a possibility these days? Do we have a classic case of the wandering eye? Have we gotten a little too comfortable in our love for Edward that seeing Jacob again shines a new light on the situation? I feel like initially you’re so blinded by how lovely, and beautiful, and hot, and perfect  Edward is that Jacob just comes off like my good buddy from gym class. But now that we’ve been going steady for a while, you start to look around a little and see Jacob again and notice that he’s not only your pal but actually that amazingly hot, nice guy who might be the quarterback of the football team that you overlooked in your initial Edward-lust.

Omg, is it November yet?

And I’m sure seeing Taylor at Comic Con didn’t help, nor did those picture of him with Taylor Swift, or that official picture from the set of him and Kristen in the truck, or reading the part in New Moon where he jumps into her window to tell her he’s trying to “keep his promise” or the part where Bella chooses to let him drive away after she spots Alice. So what’s a girl to do when she’s questioning her team allegiance?

Well… how about question it some more, keeping reading New Moon, count down the days till New Moon is released and OD on some Taylor and wonder if Team Edward will ever forgive me…

We’re not cheating on you Edward, we just want you to know you have some serious competition!

XO
Themoonisdown

PS I just figured out I’m almost 10 years older than Taylor. That’s just wrong and also weird that I never realized that before.

Get over to Letters to Rob to read about what UC think’s Rob is doing right now
Switch to Team Jacob in the Forum and don’t feel bad about it!

Pics from someplace I can’t remember and Lion & Lamb Love

Where are you Nikki Reed?

Have you seen this girl?

Dear Nikki,

Monday when I was writing that post about Drunk emailing and how much would it cost to get a Twi star at your party, I was reviewing the list and kept wondering who I left out and then it dawned on me: I left out YOU! And so that’s why I wrote “Nikki – WHO?” Cause seriously girl where the h-word are you?! I’m kind of actually doing a Mom Moon and worrying about you and where you’ve been and how you’re doing. If I wanted to pull a real Mom Moon I’d start calling the LAPD, and area LA Hospitals to see if you’ve turned up. Cause it’s July 14th at 5am in Los Angeles, “Do you know where your Nikki Reed is?” Cause I sure as crap don’t.

So of course it got me thinking… where in the world could you be? And what are you doing? I checked IMDB and the only thing you have current is in pre-pro and that’s K-11 and we KNOW that ain’t filming right now and it might even be up in the air if you’re even still in it, especially if that whole KStew falling out rumor is true.

So then I checked to see if you have any fansites cause if anyone knows what’s up with Twi stars it’s their fans! Can I get an amen? And I find out no one’s updated in about a week. That isn’t good news. Then I hit Twitter, cause that’s all the latest and greatest and guess what all (read 2) fan twitters hadn’t updated in days either. Not even your FAKE twitter counterpart has cared enough to tweet about your fake goings on in over a week!

Accidental gang member or Nike enthusiast??

So it’s left me only a couple options as to where you’ve been…

• You were driving to LAX one day, took and wrong turn and got lost in south central LA and were jumped into one of the local gangs… crips or bloods? I’d say crips cause you look better in blue than red. If this is true call us maybe we can initiate a trade off with the crips. You for Justin Chon or maybe they want someone beefier like Christian Serratos?

• You’ve become a hermit spending all your time online at Nike.com designing more ridiculous neon high top sneakers than you know what to do with. My advice? Trash them all and get a nice pair of ballet flats.

• This whole Oregano thing is true and you’ve chosen him over KStew. WOW if that’s true I really want the dish! Give me the gossip now! And so you two are hanging out at Cathy’s house, smoking up and worming your way into whatever movie she’s doing next. I wish I knew Cathy, I’d love to be an actress.

Take the cut to find out what Nikki’s REALLY been up to. TRUST it’s SOOO good!

Drunk texts, drunk dialing, drunk emails all about Twilight!

Paintings required

Dear LTT-ers,

You know that feeling, waking up the day after a particuarly crazy drunk fest and not quite rememebering how it all ended. Then you check your celly and realize you drunk dialed every ex you had in the last 5 years and left 10 minute messages about god knows what, then texted your Dad (accidently) about how eff-able that guy you just met is and then you realize you’re not wearing any pants and you’re on your porch. Trust we’ve all been there. And if you haven’t, well… what are you waiting for?

I think that may have happened to one of our dear readers because yesterday I checked our LTT email and read this gem which was clearly written after one too many gin and tonics at the Cat & Fiddle…

Heyheyy,, how much do you think they would charqqe to appear at a party?
 
Andd,, whenn aree KStew,, RPatzz,, andd TLaut makinqq ann aperance,, inn southh florida??
❤
Drunk in South Florida (this is what I would imagine he/she would sign this if they hadn’t passed out before hitting send)

This could be YOU!

Well dear heart either your keyboard is sticky from all those gin and tonics or you are the victim of drunk emailing gone wrong. But I like where your head’s at so let’s explore this one shall we… How much do I think they would charge for an appearence? Well probably depends on which star you’re wanting to get at your party. Let me break down what I think each one would “cost”

Kellan – he seems like a Twi-whore going to all these Twiconventions so I’m gonna guess, a coach ticket to your nearest airport, a corner room at the nearest Holiday Inn, 100 bucks “mad money,” and his choice of Twihards to be available after his check in at the hotel. What they do after depends on their contracts. If you want Kellan to return I suggest one dress up like a naughty Sunday School teacher. At least that’s what I hear he likes.

Jackson – a spare corner in the venue for 100 Monkeys to set up. Cause obviously his contract includes a clause that they will play at the closest dive bar or AT your event. He also requested that you hand wash the bananager’s costume, cause trust after a 3 month tour of the east coast’s finest shit holes that thing smells like death.

Ashley – 30k. She ain’t stupid and she’s got an open line of credit at Barneys. Duh.

Nikki – Who?

Peter – A supply of ugly shirts by Affliction set up near his autograph table, a video camera so he can record his friend that no one care about, dancing in a bikini and room enough in the parking lot to park the RV. Oh and when you introduce him you must preface it with: “Mike Dexter is a GOD!”

Gil Birmingham – Bus fare to the event, Greyhound if they travel to your town. And the finest assortment of 40year old+ moms who are just there to “chaperone” their daughters at the event. Right, ladies, RIGHT.

Taylor – I spoke with Big Daddy Lautner and this is what he said it would take to get Taylor at your party: 100 dollar gift card to McDonalds, one of those Dominoes Pizza Bread Bowls in the hotel toom upon check in and a supply of new Polo button up shirts, size XXXL. Hey, don’t ask me that’s what Big Daddy said Taylor needs!

Kristen– You’re joking right? She’d give you the ‘bitch please’ stare through the phone and then hang up on your ass for being so stupid. But maybe if you send her some “herbal treats” before you call it might help the pitch.

Rob– His only request is that Moon be present, ready, willing and able to help him with his every need. Oh and maybe a baseball cap from your local tourist shop. Anything with a lobster, flower or whatever represents South Florida. He loves those free hats.

As for your other question, When will Rob, KStew and Taylor make an appearence in South Florida? My guess is the 10th of never… or maybe after you do the above.

Good luck Drunk in South Florida!!

Moving on… A while ago we featured one of my favorite sites Texts from Last Night on a Monday Funnies post. Texts from Last Night which is a site where people submit funny/inapporpriate texts they’ve receieved usually sent when people were of questionable sobriety. Well they’re at it again because recently JodieO alerted us to a new Twilight related Text that was posted.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/47253

So JodieO has this to say…

“Have you guys heard of the website www.textsfromlastnight.com ?  If not, it’s just a site where you send in strange or funny texts.  I consider myself fairly worldly, but the more I read it, the more impressed I am at how drunk and slutty some people can be.  Anyway, There was one about Rob that caught my eye: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/47253
 
(706): i just met rob pattinson in italy. he’s so stupid, i feel like i would have to say “your penis goes here!”
 
While I would be surprised to learn that he really is stupid, it still wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me.
 
Drawing a map, just in case!
 
JodieO

Amen JodieO AMEN! I’m getting mine printed up and lamenated for when Rob comes back to me in LA. You can never be too prepared!

FYI we LOVE getting these emails! Please keep them coming oh and add our email to your phone for the next time just such on occasion arises. And by occasion I mean every day after 6! Email us letterstotwilight at gmail dot com!

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Hop on over to Letters to Rob!
Drunk post in the forum! We don’t mind!

Speculation Thursday – Moon makes the case for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: NOT together!

We're actors

Dear Kristen and Rob-

Last week my pal UC put on a brave face, sucked up her pride and posted the Speculation Thursday (though it was on Wednesday) post that she thought you may be together. As much as it pained both of us to see that in writing, we had to present the Pro Robsten side of the argument. But never fear, I am here with this week’s Speculation Thursday (on Thursday!) where I’m going to present the Non Robsten side! Cause I look at you two and I’m like, they CANNOT be together, the stoner and the nerd? No way.

If you’ll indulge me I’d like to treat this as a trial, and court is now in session*! The honorable Stephenie Meyer proceeding. Today we will be hearing the case of:

Robsten vs NonRobsten, in the court of public opinion

Opening statement:
Much has been said and speculated about you two over the last few weeks and now having some time to gather evidence and look at the facts I think we can be certain about a few things: Kristen and Oregano are not together and Kristen and Rob are in fact, NOT together. Snogged and hooked up? Sure! But together? No! I ask that the jury keep an open mind as we speculate our way through another Thursday.

Enter into the court room the Evidence…

We're doing each other behind this door!

01. The Charlie Hotel / The Morning After – UC cited this story and these pictures as her main turning point. But I have a different take on this much bally-hooed “secret goodbye photos” and “secret rendezvous hotel bungalows” nonsense… I did some research too on The Charlie and there are multiple bungalows in which bungalows also have multiple rooms! Amazing how this works, huh? It’s not uncommon for stars to get ready for awards shows in hotel rooms, Summit’s footing the bill, why not? And you’ve got the room paid for for the night, might as well come back and party after the show, right? I know where you’re going to go with this: “but Moon they were in the SAME bungalow! Ron, the underpaid dude at the front desk, told the shady paparazzo from X17 who palmed him a 50 it was true.” Riiiight. And, if I even believe that they were in the same bungalow, my research tells me that again, SURPRISE, there are bungalows with more than one room in them. I’ve stayed in rooms with guy friends, it’s totally possible. And who knows maybe she was wasted drunk from the dinner beforehand when they decided to go back and party? Maybe they smoked a bol and she passed out on that cute striped chair from the pictures of The Charlie. And then the next day her Mom came to pick up her hung over self and hug Rob for being such a good guy and looking out for poor little Kristen. And no kiss was ever photographed.

Follow the cut to hear the rest of the case!!! (Seriously do it!)

Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez come out. Officially.

And they called it puuupppyyyy looooveeee

Dear Taylor-

Looks like someone had the DTR* talk recently!! I can’t say how excited I am for you two… you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you like a couple of cabbage patch kids!

As a girl with an ass ton of guy friends I can say with some authority that I believe a DTR talk has occurred because unless you two are underage drunk in broad daylight on the sidewalk in front of the paps, no one goes for the under the boob side grab. Not even good friends.

Have your fun and kick out the jams with Selena now because puppy love is fleeting but Wolfgirl love is forever.

Your older wiser faux sister something
Themoonisdown

*for the uninitiated or those no longer in High School, DTR= “define the relationship”

Picture Source: Lainey Gossip

Monday Funnies: It’s Monday, I’m at work and I’d rather be reading Twilight. FML

(We’re gonna play a little game… every time I tell you you’re going to hit the button in this link when I tell you to and then proceed… NOW don’t hit it YET until I say so… alright aaaaand GO…)

Dear LTT-er’s-

It’s once again  Monday (hit it!), and the debauchery of the weekend is now a distant memory (except that hickey) (hit it!) and instead of being curled up in bed reading Twilight or out with your friends wildin’ out or getting your drunk on in the Friday Night Crunk thread at the forum, we’re at work (hit it!). So in lieu of crying into your spreadsheets or that 3rd cup of coffee, let’s take a trip around the internet and laugh our faces off together.

Now you KNOW Twilight is getting big when entries on two of my favorite sites: F*ck My Life and Texts From Last Night start popping up and mention the saga. For the uninitiated, F My Life (FML) is a daily dose of short anecdotes based on a simple recipe: in a few sentences, users can tell everyone the shitty moment which ruined their day. These short stories must begin with “Today” and end with “FML”. When my friend sent me this one I KNEW I had to share…

click to maximum LOL's

(Hit the button!)

Now my newest favorite website is Textsfromlastnight.com and I just happened to catch a few today that you have to see. TFLN is a site where people submit texts messages they’ve received or sent after a particularly awesome or terrible night!

clicky for maximum LOL's

(Hit it!)

Who hasn’t sat around wondering things like this on occasion? Why didn’t the Cullens use their powers for good like killing Bin Laden (hit it!), or to help save the polar bears from extinction (hit it!), or heck, how come the Cullens couldn’t stop Sparks from never being produced again (hit it!)?! On these occasions I may or may not have been drunk.

clicky for maximum LOL's

(hit it!)

Capt Crunch donuts AND Jasper Hale? COME ON! Where and how do I get both of these delivered to my office right now? Oh wait… one’s a fictional character (hit it!).

Now I dare you to get through a day without wanting to use the button after your boss tells you you need to come in early tomorrow or finding out you’re up for a yearly review but because of the economy, all raises have been suspended (hit it!)

Now back to work kids! (hit it!)
Themoonisdown

PS While you’re in the forum today don’t forget to check out the video topic where the lovely Jena is going to be bringing us the very best in moving images! I saw a sneak peek of todays and I highly suggest you keep the button handy!

Edward Cullen as a bunny

Dear cute bunnies acting out Twilight,

Thanks for making me laugh!

(If this isn’t actually funny, I blame the 1/2 bottle of merlot I just consumed while reading Eclipse)

Love,
(tipsy) UnintendedChoice