Why the crap did you have to step in between the boys about to fight? They were about to go at it, maybe rip some shirts off or make some grunting sounds and you stepped in the middle of it all! Uh, thanks man! Why’d you have to go and be a narc? I mean sure you’re a cop and all but seriously dude, throw us a bone. Go crack down on grannies making moonshine on the rez or maybe go undercover to catch shoplifters at Newton’s outfitters, we don’t need you stepping in between a couple of hot pieces about ready to scrap. Duh.
Oh and Edward, get angry more often, that’s so flipping hot.
45 days!
Themoonisdown
HAPPY WEEKEND! Congrats to my cousin LondonCalling for graduating college this weekend!
Why is boys fighting hot? I still don’t get it. Especially because in real life it’s really scary! I’m a baby.
Yesterday, while on Twitter I saw a trending topic called “Jedward” which as it turns out is some weird incestuous looking brother singing duo but because I’m not “down with the kids” like Billy Black, it made me think some FanFic writer created a hillbilly Edward hybrid. I tweeted it cause I think I’m funny sometimes and as it turned out I wasn’t the only one and someone else thought it was “Jediward” a Star Wars version of Edward. And THAT got me to thinking. What would Star Wars look like with Twilight characters subbed in? Now, I’m sure I’m going to get crucified by White Yorkie and the Font for attempting or even entertaining such SciFi/Fantasy heresy but I just have to explore the complete craziness of this idea.
With this in mind I present to you our latest series: My Fanfiction Storyline Ideas! Because I think of some pretty absurd ideas and feel like it’s my duty to share them with the word and please writers if you feel like taking up this mantle of absurdity, feel free. I just come up with the ideas if you can make it reality than more power to you and more laughing for me!
Click to enlarge and possibly frame
Title: Star Wars: May the Forks Be With You!
AU, Non canon Twi and Non Canon Star Wars (too hard, I tried), Scifi, Romance, Angst
Summary:
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… a rebellion begins against the evil Volturi Empire to take back the Republic and destroy the evil Darth Aro and his massive Death Star space station. Captured by the Empire while on a spy mission, Princess Bella who has the stolen Death Star blueprints hides them in escaped droids Eric2-D2 and Mike3PO.
EEEDDDWWWAAARRDDDD I am your sisterrrrr!!
Later on the planet of La Pushtouine, Edward Skywalker purchases Eric2-D2 and Mike3PO and accidentally uncovers a secret message from Princess Bella asking Charlie-Wan Kenobi to help as he’s her only hope. Inspired to help this girl Edward finds Charlie-Wan and they set out to find the Rebels to deliver the message and rescue Princess Bella. In need of transport and a secret passage they hire space pilot without a cause Jazz Solo and his Wookie co-pilot Chewbacob to lead them to the rebels.
My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…
Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.
Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.
Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?
Dear LTT-ers and anyone every having to do with New Moon,
Today we continue on with beating a dead horse aka our reviews of New Moon and this is my part two since I was so long winded the first time around. Wednesday, I started this review by posting what I call the hits and misses of the movie so let’s continue down that path…
c
Alrighty smile for the camera, say: "cheee-we'retotallyoblivious towhatsreallygoingoninthistown-eeese"
Hit The Humans
Once again the humans are really the highlight of the film. Just like in Twilight they bring the funny and the sense of reality. They act like high school students, make stupid (read: awesome) jokes and generally remind us that not everyone is an undercover sensitive, brooding monster. If I had to give props to give one human though I think it would have to be Billy Burke as Charlie, famous ladies man. This time around we actually feel the bond between him and Bella which isn’t cut short with stutter-y phrasing or bad awkward moments. He plays the Dad figure well and you actually feel for him as he tries to comfort Bella. I also noticed in the dream sequence when Bella remembers the Werewolf/Vampire story the person laying on the forest floor is not her but is Charlie (at least I think!) if so, it just further illustrates that she really doesn’t want him to get hurt because of her crazy monster secret life. Awwwww… can’t wait till I see if again to really see if it was Charlie.
c
Dizzy, I'm so dizzy my head is spinning Like a whirlpool it never ends And it's You girl makin' it spin
Miss Dizziness
UC talked about it and I will to, I’m sure it was used as some sort of visual tool to disorient us but I think it worked all TOO WELL. Everytime she trips and falls in the forest I think “here we go again” and get a good grip in my chair because we’re about to take a trip on New Moon the ride now at Universal Studios. Let me off! Let me off! Bellaaaaa, BellAH… Get me off this crazy thing… called love (anyone? anyone?!)
c
Excuse me, what did you just say?
Hit Chemistry between Bella & Jacob
One of my favorite scenes between them is the “break up” scene after Jacob has turned and Bella, tired of getting the dismissal from Billy, goes to find out why he’s been missing. They emote, they stare into each other eyes, they tug at my heart strings, they make me cry. Taylor has probably the best set of puppy dog eyes ever and uses them to kill us every time. How can Bella be immune to THAT?! They really do portray two people who are great friends torn apart by great odds who try to overcome them. I think it’s probably why I lean so heavily in favor of Team Jacob in this movie. There’s really nothing like a true best friend.
I took to the twitter-webs (one of your favorite places) to ask our lovely followers who we should appreciate this Sunday and we got the message loud and clear. They wanted to appreciate YOU, Billy Burke! Can we blame them really? You are the man who plays Bella’s pops Charlie AND you were Jack on My Boys, one of our personal faves. There really is too much to appreciate here but how about we give it a whirl this Sunday…
We appreciate:
Your Tweeting skills
What other celeb uses Twitter to call out journalists, lame-o tweeters and to just plain #drunktweet? You, that’s who! Never let your agent/manager cramp your twitter style! Keep on tweeting country songs and bitching out dumb folks who @reply you and we’ll keep following!
Your Copstache
I’m gonna have to let the other girls wax poetic about your stache because I, like Bella, grew up with a dad who rocked a stache so I in no way think it’s sexy but apparently the other ladies about these think your copstache is the best thing since sliced bread and I’m gonna let them talk about it in the comments, but just know your stache is one of the best “props” Charlie has and might just give a bunch of gals naughty thoughts. c
c Your gun cleaning, Vitamin R and lil Halo-
I can’t lie you had some of the best lines and actions in Twilight. But we all know the humans rocked Twilight the hardest. But how you play Charlie is so spot-on… in fact dare I say your version of Charlie might even be better than Stephenie’s version of Charlie. SHHH!!! Don’t tell!
Follow the cut to see what else we appreciate about Billy and add your favorite things Continue reading →
You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!
UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown
(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)
Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??
The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon: ok burning daylight, lets hit it Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella. UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING! Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad? Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down? Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO” Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?! UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow UC: good job cathy the cougar Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!” UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled! Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?! Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.
Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut Continue reading →
Dear LTT/LTR-ers and Twihards, lovers and haters of this site,
Today is another big day in the life of us here at LTT. Yes, you might have guessed it but today marks our TEN MONTH anniversary. Now not to get all high school relationship on you but we think blogging solid for ten months is a big deal. Countless hours, love, conversations, text messages, good ideas, really bad ideas (trust me, there are tons), blood sweat and tears have gone into these ten months so UC and I want to celebrate this week. In honor of our ten month anniversary we are going to be bringing you a new top ten list every day this week to celebrate and look towards the next ten!
So to kick off our top tens I’m gonna start us off with Top Ten Favorite Twilight Movie Moments! All the little things, the good and the sometimes cheesy things that we loved and couldn’t imagine living without. All the moments that we wanted to see make it in, the ones we didn’t know and the ones that made us fall in love with the story all over again… here they are
10. The Cullen’s enter the Cafeteria
The set up for the whole movie: who are those kids and why are they different and most importantly WHO IS THAT BOY? Why yes, it’s only the hottest boy to ever grace the United States public school system, that’s who. And he just happens to be a Vampire. Ok wait, she’ll learn that later… let’s not get ahead of ourselves now!
09. Animal Attack
Oh Carlisle you kill us with the delivery of that line coupled with the totally obvious stare down you give Edward. Yup, it was totally an animal that killed Buttcrack Santa and not some crazy psycho nomadic vampire that’s going to develop some weirdo fascination with Bella and stop at nothing to kill her. Yup, totes an animal.
Wanna find out what else made our top ten list of favorite Twilight Movie Moments? Follow the cut… Continue reading →
To all the Twilight daddy’s: Carlisle Cullen, Billy Black, Charlie, Harry Clearwater, Big-Daddy Lautner & Edward,
A big HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to the whole group of you from Moon & I. We love you all so much, we couldn’t pick one fav to write to today so we’re writing to you all (just kidding, Big Daddy-Lautner, you know you’re our fav). Actually your kids are writing to you because we have our own daddys to take care of (although ours aren’t as cool as a vampire, Native American, cop or McDonald’s spokesperson…)
Enjoy your day! Go on over to Harry’s and grill out with his famous fish fry!
<3, UC & Moon
Dear Carlisle,
Edward: Thank you for saving me from the Spanish Influenza & capturing my 17 year old perfection for eternity. Thank you for your encouragement to stay strong and not kill my beloved Bella &, of course, for the rockin’ sex tips. Although next time, I’d prefer it if you’d not get so detailed on how much Esme, my mother, likes to do that there.
Rosalie: Thank you, Carlisle, for changing my darling Emmett after he was attacked by that bear. I’ll be honest I’m not crazy about how all that shit when down with Edward. Why the hell didn’t you prep him first and convince him to love me? Also, I’ll deep down hate you forever for turning me into a vampire in the first place. Couldn’t you have let me die? F*ck y Oh yeah, this isn’t about me. Happy Father’s day Dad…
Emmett: Thanks for my smokin’ hot girl, Rose. And for that tip on how much mom likes that there- now Rose does too!
Alice & Jasper: (UC note: Uh, we couldn’t exactly find Alice & Jasper…. seems Jasper may have recently had a conversation with you, Carlisle? Something about something somewhere…..?)
Carlisle might be the reason we have Edward & so we’re the most grateful to him, but he’s not the only daddy! See all the other letters after the jump! Continue reading →
And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free...
Dear Military service people, fallen heroes, deceased vampires and those who have gone before us-
Today is Memorial Day here in the states, it’s a day set aside to remember the past, people who have passed on in our lives and also to thank our service men and women for protecting and serving. We here at Letters to Twilight and Letters to Rob salute you and thank you for you service to our country! Without people like you we wouldn’t be free to profess our love for a British Boy, wear cute outfits like Ms. Stewart over there, or be free to write a snarky blog about vampires.
Today we’ve dragged Kristen Stewart out in her campy military finest to pay special tribute to the following:
James – You certainly made for interesting sport and fodder for the first book/movie but I have to say I’m glad your creepy trailer trash-y self won’t be around for another movie
Victoria – We will most definitely miss your faboo hair after Edward rips you limb from limb in Eclipse. It’ll be awesome but we’ll miss seeing a kick ass girl uh well… kicking ass!
Harry Clearwater – we barely knew ye… but anyone who fathered Seth Clearwater, makes the best fish fry in Forks and is Charlie’s BFF MUST be good people!
Jasper Whitlock – Thank you for your valiant service as a major in the Confederate Army before you were unceremoniously turned into a vampire and then helped train and lead the New Born Army… though I’m not quite sure that kind of army is something we celebrate on Memorial Day but we’ll use any excuse to talk about Jasper
Army Unicorn – our very own unicorn commenter who happens to serve and protect each day in the US Army. We ❤ ya!
Have a wonderful holiday… cook lots of cured meats and we’ll see you back here tomorrow and back to our regularly scheduled programming
XO
Themoonisdown
PS Don’t forget to check out Letters to Rob and see what’s cooking over there for Memorial Day
Chat it up in the forum!
Worst show that I love to love and hate all at the same time
Dear Billy Burke,
I was watching the season premiere of “My Boys” the other day, which is the worst show in the history of the world, yet I love it and still can’t believe hasn’t been canceled.
Last season left on a cliffhanger with Bobby (the one P.J. SHOULD be with) getting married the next morning, and P.J. in her hotel room with Bobby’s brother Jack, about to do the nasty. Bobby comes to her room and tells P.J. he thinks he’s making a mistake marrying the girl and then sees his brother in the room. Dun dun DUN!
I was torn- I liked Bobby a LOT b/c duh, he’s played by the actor Kyle Howard and was once on Home Improvement in ’97 and he’s super hot.
P.J., please have the sexual intercourse with me
But his brother Jack is charming and handsome and sooo into P.J. You can see my predicament. Who do I root for? Who do I want P.J. to end up with in this awful yet amazing show that I can not believe has lasted longer than Arrested Development did?
So I’m watching the new episode, seeing the drama go down and feeling strangely disconnected from Jack (the bro). I can’t put my finger on it. Why don’t I want him and P.J. together anymore? Did I make my decision subconsciously and I’m rooting for team Bobby (aka Kyle Howard from 7 episodes of “The love boat: the next wave” in 1998?) And why does Jack suddenly look so familiar to me? Did I see him at the grocery store or something?
Bella, please be home by 9
After a quick trip to IMDB, I figure it out. Jack is Charlie Swan and you played Charlie Swan so you play Jack. I never realized it. That mustache did a lot.
So while I used to be attracted to Jack and want him to hook-up with P.J., now I think it’s all creepy and weird b/c Charlie is Jack and you are Jack and Charlie and Charlie is the father of a 17 year old, and Jack is trying to hook up with a 27 year old and ahhh.. it’s all messed up.
Hugs and Chicago loves,
UnintendedChoice
Are you so intrigued by this amazingly awful show? Wanna know if Bobby wins or Charlie-Jack wins? Okay, I’ll tell you: After three seasons and lots of flirting and talk about Chicago, Bobby & P.J. finally hook-up. Then they play lots of poker, talk about the Cubs & P.J.’s guyfriends have a ‘stache growing contest (they wanna be just like Charlie Swan). That was my 3 season recap. Now you don’t have to waste time watching the show, even though it’s the most amazing badly written show that should have been cancelled episode 2 EVER!
Have you been the The Forum? Have you checked out TwiTheatre with Calli? You don’t want to miss it this week. It’s hilarious. TwiTheatre
Letters to Twilight 