A birthday party with the Cullens

Dear Moon,

Tonight, the Cullen family cordially invites you over to their home to celebrate your birthday.  I know you don’t like surprises, so I snooped around to see what gifts the family was going to surprise you with and I have some advice:

carlisleesmeCarlisle is going to let you get any medical procedure at 10% off (Tues-Fri. only) although he is willing to “change you” for free. He also offered to introduce you to his son….

Esme promises to hug you often, but more gentle than any other member of the family. And if you were to hit if off with that son that Carlisle mentioned, she is offering free advice on being intimate with a vampire…


edwardEdward promises to lend you his jacket for the evening as well as hitch your leg over his hip.

If that’s not good enough, you can take a spin in his volvo- I hear the seats go all the way back, if you know what I’m saying. (This is where Esme’s advice will come in handy!) Remember to take your birth control pill!



_rosalie_haleRosalie has graciously offered to stay out of your way for most of the evening. She also has promised to keep her jealousy of you under wraps.

And that pesky little girl who follows Edward around? Bella something…? Well, Rose promises to be a fake lesbian with her for the night so you and Edward have some alone time (Wait.. is the fake lesbian theme in the Twilight Saga at all? Cuz the lines between twi-reality & our blog-reality are blurring…)



emmettcullenBear hugs are Emmett’s specialty, and he loves giving them out. Watch out though- he might get a little frisky and try to turn them into “special hugs.”

After your done with his hugs, ask him to read you his favorite Bible story- the one about Samson.  He can’t get enough of Bible characters with superhuman strength!



Alice-Cullen-twilight-movie-2185809-800-600Besides Edward, Alice is going to be the best thing about your birthday party! Not only will Alice tell you whether or not you’ll need that ‘intimacy with a vampire’ advice from Esme, but she’ll let you know what other presents Edward is surprising you with (ya know, just so you know how much you need to thank him)

Not sure what to wear tonight? No prob! Alice will be at your house 1 hour early with 2 bags full of high-end designer options. Plus she’ll do your hair & your make-up…..! You’re gonna look so smokin’ at this party that Rosalie won’t stick by her promise to keep her jealousy in check- plus Emmett & Jasper are gonna be begging Edward for details on your two…. (no pressure…)


JasperHaleUh, Jasper won’t be there. He isn’t invited to birthday parties anymore…. the last one didn’t go so well…


Enjoy your night! Happy birthday! Remember.. I’m the first to know all hook-up with Edward details!


PS: See what Rob & The Quad did for Moon’s big day over at Letters To Rob

27 Responses

  1. Happy Birthday Moon!

    Really jealous about the whole “hitching leg over his hip” bizz but it is your day…..so ENJOY! 😉


  2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Moon!! Have a FANTASTIC day, and may it be filled with lots of people like the Cullens (other than maybe Rosalie) and no one like James!

  3. More love for you Moonie 🙂 ❤ Hope there is lots of leg hitching for you today! 🙂

  4. ROFL, Jasper isn’t invited to bday parties anymore.


  5. Happy birthday Moon!
    lol lol Jasper’s not invited.

  6. Happy birthday, Moon! So nice of the Cullen’s to make it a special one for you!

  7. (It’s gonna be one of those days, weeks, months…) *Cullens* No apostrophe necessary in that one. Oi.

  8. Sigh…
    leg-hitching on our birthday…

    I combine two great movies when I tell you I pray that Edward “makes it so.”

    (Um…Edward and the young Capt. Kirk…now there’s a sandwich you’d wanna be in the middle of. Yeah, I said that.)

  9. HAPPY BDAY Moon! Please take lots of pic of the bday party with the Cullens and by pics I mean, naked pics of Emmett, Robward untucked, and pics of Peter’s fine arse.

  10. Happy Birthday Moon!

  11. happpy birfday moon! uc, i loveddd this entry.=)

    “uh, jasper won’t be there. he isn’t invited to birthday parties anymore…. the last one didn’t go so well..”
    ^^this is so “mean girls” when damien is giving out candycane grams. (“and none for gretchen wieners, byeee)

    love you ladies!!!

  12. happy birthday, moonpie!!!


    I hope you have many chilled beverages, cupcakes and leg-hitches. And I wish you all the best in the next year…xoxo.

    PS Don’t worry about Jasper feeling sad that he wasn’t invited, I’ll be taking very good care of him over here in the NorthWest. It’s sort of sunny today, so we’ll be *staying in*.

  14. HAHAHAHAH this is the best UC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    samson, biblical characters with super human strength!

    jaspser not being invited!

    esme with the advice

    I LOVE YOU!!!!

    thank you for my cullen bday party!

  15. Happy Birthday, Moon!


  17. Happy Birthday Moon! Be sure that that Bella something is not around to purposely trip and cut herself to ruin your birthday. And if she does trip around, be sure nobody gets in time to save her from Jasper.
    Have a GREAT birthday!! 🙂

  18. Happy birthday Moon!!!

    And please reconsider inviting Jasper. It’s not a party unless you have at least a little bit of drama.

  19. Happy Birthday Moon! So jealous of the leg hitch….

  20. Happy Birthday Moon!

    And lol that Jasper won’t be there… cause the last one didn’t go so well…

  21. Happy Birthday Moon!

    I’m still laughing over Jasper not being invited. Very clever UC, but that’s not surprising!

  22. A leg hitch and a special bear hug? No need to tell you to have a Happy Birthday! You’re having the best one ever!

  23. Poor Jasper….. Happy birthday moon…. so cute….. lots of love eza

  24. “Edward promises to lend you his jacket for the evening as well as hitch your leg over his hip.” HITCH YOUR LEG OVER HIS HIP! That is the sexiest thing Edward/Rob/any unicorn could do to me. Apart from, you know, the actual sexy time.

  25. […] Happy Birthday! If you remember your birthday at all last year (If I recall you went on a pub crawl, so you may not) we celebrated your birthday on LTT with birthday greetings from the Cullens. […]

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