The Video Round Up: Ex Lesbian Lovers get real, Muse rocks and Vitamin Water makes fun of us

Dear LTT-ers,

With all the hub-bub of the past fews days we’re already gotten behind on all the Eclipse info starting to come out. FINALLY! But I guess I gotta say I’m glad they didn’t kill us with stuff from the movie like they did with New Moon. Let’s hope this less-is-more approach holds out for the next month.

Tons of new videos, clips and commercials are out and we gotta talk about some of these, so I thought we could do a few mini letters within a letter


Dear Nikki and Kristen,

Why do I get the feeling this whole scene was actually not taken from the movie but was in reality a conversation between you two while you waited to be called to set? The obvious disdain for each other is oddly reminiscent of your rumored ex-friendship. You girls went from fake lesbian lovers who were more interested in each other than actual boys to never being seen in public together again, rumored screaming fights, and greek shipping heir boyfriends. What happened here? What it really all about “the choice” like the tagline the Eclipse marketers want to shove down our throats?

Did you, Kristen have the choice between Oregano and Rob while Nikki sat on the sideline hoping you’d stay with the Italian spice so she could slide in with the new guy. But instead you dropped the old news for the new flavor of the week. Must have been a sad day for you Nikki when you were ousted from the “family.” And all because of KStew’s choice. Word to the wise for next time Nikki, don’t push the hand of the 19yr old on the freshmen team. Just sit back and watch her crumble under the pressure of trying to play in the varity league with the big girls, but  instead you gamed too hard and effectively had the choice made for you. Rookie mistake my friend. Stick around, let the big girls show you how it’s done.

Varsity Team!
Moon

PS Girls, these wigs need readjusting the hair lines are lower than my pantyhose after the elastic’s shot.

FINALLY, the first single from the soundtrack is due out TODAY! MTV will be debuting the video for Neutron Star Collision.


(enjoy this creeper photo for 3ish minutes)

Dear Muse,

You guys are SO over the top I can’t help but love you. What’s better for this dazzling, balls to the wall, romantic, idealistic saga then you guys bellowing over galloping guitars, bombastic piano lines and drum loops? NOTHING. Sadly, this will probably just be over the closing credits since that always seems to be the place they stick the lead single from these movies. But if I was in charge I’d make Bill Condon come in early and stage some huge over the top musical number. Think: dancing werewolves, twirling police officers, fountains of spurting blood in the background and glitter falling from the heavens on Bella and Edward. Best scene ever. DONE.

Jazz Hands!
Moon

Dear Vitamin Water Ad geniuses-

Are you people serious? Like really? My cat “Forks?” My bodies free radical “Victorias?”

Just don’t, Ok?

As “normal” fans we deal with people thinking we’re crazy already just because we like Twilight, we don’t need a national television spot perpetuating the assumption that we’re all camping out for Eclipse with glitter in our pockets. What I’m sure you want to come off as funny comes off as condescending. I’m all for making fun of the crazies in the world, but I don’t need another thing I have to explain to people as a false assumption about all fans. I’ve already got my hands full with the Twimom fiasco from Oprah.

Why don’t you hire a new creative agency to actually come up with something fresh/funny instead of tired material about the fans? WE can make fun of fans because WE ARE FANS. You are not. Catch the difference?

Thanks, but NO THANKS.
Moon

PS If you’d like to try again by sending me a case of Essential and Power C I may cut you a little slack. JUST SAYIN’

So did anyone else get the totally art imitating life vibe from that NReed/KStew video? And seriously, the Vitamin Water ad? Embarrassing!

LAST DAY TO ENTER!!! Wanna win a tshirt from our new LTT Store? Our “In 20 years” Contest is going on until Thursday! Read all about it & then get your entries sent in!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

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Breaking down my Twilight memories

Dear Twilight,

Wow… you have really changed my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting this week since it’s our anniversary week, and I’ve been thinking back to a year ago at the start of it all. Moon & I are extremely bummed that we can’t locate that very first chat we had on 12/8/08 when we decided to start the blogs, but in my searching for that first conversation, I’ve come across a gem. Way back on 11/25/2008, Moon was going through her first read of the Twilight saga, and I was SO excited to finally have a friend to discuss the series with! I laughed re-reading this conversation, realizing how far we’ve come, how much we’ve changed and yet, how little has really changed! I’m gonna stop talking about it and instead, I’m gonna break down one of the first conversations Moon & I ever had about Twilight… vanity fair style!

My “Break down” is italicized between the lines of conversation and it’s green. Green is (what?) GOOD

Someday will cover our faces with that ribbon...

Losing Moon’s virginity

UC: oh miss Moon HI! did you read my blog yet? My review on Twilight the movie? because I forgot you didn’t finish book 3… *spoiler alert*
Book 3? Really UC? No one calls it that. It’s Eclipse
Moon: Thats where I just clicked on! About to read it!
UC: NOOO Stop! Until you finish the series…. I don’t want to give it away!!!
Moon: But I’m halfway through Eclipse? Don’t read it?
UC: Don’t- just because I give away my favorite part!! A part you’ll love
It involves the guy who runs around in jorts warming up the heart-breaker in a tent while the cold one looks on!
Moon: Oh man! I can’t wait. I didn’t read any last nite because I wanted to save it for the plane tonight!!
What? Moon? Is that you? The one who has been tempted to read my blog posts before they post in the morning and has been known to sneak in fanfic at opportune times- like during work or while at church? You WAITED for Eclipse!?
UC: oh yay! Good Idea
You sound 12, UC, saying “Yay” like that. Plus that’s not a good idea
UC: I forgot how good Eclipse was! I think I might read the last 1/2 again before I start Breaking Dawn 🙂 I’m such a loser/really awesome
The phrase you’re looking for is “That’s Normal”
Moon: TOTALLY awesome.
Welcome to the 80s
Moon: yea I’m LOVING Eclipse- might be favorite
It stays your favorite
Moon: Then I’ll probably get Breaking Dawn this week sometime
You’ll try, but every store will be out of it. So you’ll look hopelessly for a week

The one where we prophecize

UC: How long will you be at home with your parents? Until Sunday?
Moon: Monday I come back- decided to make a vacay out of it
UC: nice!!
Moon: stalk stephenie meyer
UC: Oh yay! She lives there, I forgot!
Oh UC… next thing you’ll tell me you don’t know Rob Pattinson’s middle name.
Moon: It’s so sad but I’m so hoping for some odd reason I see her
That hope never dies
Moon: I’ve regressed to age 14 and I’m ok with it
That’s (still) Normal
UC: haha I would want to see her too! And I know what you mean I’m seriously going crazy. I’m only listening to the soundtrack and I keep repeating songs
You’ll do that for another 6 months. You’ll never play that Perry Ferrell song you thought you’d learn to like ever again
Moon: Dude the soundtrack is killing me
Dude- Just wait until New Moon’s soundtrack. You’ll wanna kill yourself
UC: So my review of the movie is VERY similar to yours (I didn’t read yours until after I wrote mine) Except.. I added my opinions of seeing it a 2nd time which was PERFECT because I loved it even more
Moon: yea I’m thinking I need to see it again away from little girls
UC: Yes. it was SO different
Moon: I think I’ll be able to focus on it and not wonder what’s next and stop worrying about the cheesy special FX and enjoy
You won’t stop worrying about the cheesy FX because they don’t stop being cheesy
UC: right- I def. wasn’t focused first time around. [My husband] Mr. Choice didn’t think it was cheesy at all (the diamonds)
The what? Diamonds? Do you mean the sparkles? Oh UC….
UC: he said if it was anything more, he thinks it would’ve been cheesy.
He’s wrong. It was cheesy
UC: I could’ve used some more sparkle myself. Spoiler alert for my review. He LOVED it
Moon: Every dude or person who didn’t read the books really liked it
Is every ‘dude or person” you know a family member of Catherine Hardwicke? [side note: this was during the phase when Moon called every guy a dude]
UC: I know!
Moon: so I think it’s just the diehards who are trying to reconcile the whole thing to whatever they imagined
UC: He said it’s a shame it’s the teen demographic because it’s not going to get the credit and attention it deserves for being a really kick-a movie
Hahahaha UC print that out and remind Mr. Choice DAILY that he once said that. He won’t believe you….
Moon: EXACTLY! So many people are like that’s a YA novel. I’m like SO WHAT?!
Preach it
Moon: If they got a different director and some kick ass CGI/FX this could contend with the summer blockbusters- it’s supernatural
Preeeacch it!
UC: and the actors were soo good!
Uh… who do you mean? Jessica and Mike? And sometimes Rob?
Moon: It could be put it in there with Batman and stuff
Uh, what? Continue reading

Blurbs about the Teen Choice Awards

Dear Twilight,

Another award ceremony is over huh? I’ll confess I didn’t watch it. But I plan to do no work and catch up on all the video clips I missed during the day today.

Don’t think I didn’t spend all Monday & Monday night breaking down people, outfits & gossip from the TCAs though. No no.. never doubt me.  Enjoy today’s Blurbs about the Teen Choice Awards from The Quad, Calliope & Brooke.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

The one with that girl we don’t recognize from Twilight

Vodpod videos no longer available.

EastFriend: I watched Mark Steines’ cute lil’ interivew with the Twilight cast after the TCAs ended, and could not, for the life of me, figure out why there was a little Asian lady tagging along with the Twi-crew.

  • Did Ashley rescue her from a Taiwanese sweatshop and put her on Summit’s staff, thereby offering and encouraging a better lifestyle?
  • Was sweet lil’ Asian lady really a dealer in disguise? Cause some serious doobie could be hidden in the folds of that scarf!

And then it hit me. It’s Justin Chong. Dude…when did he come out? And where was Neil Patrick Harris?

The one where Rob channeled Ward Cleaver

Leave it to Rob-ver

Leave it to Rob-ver

EastFriend: Rob looked cute.  The scruffy beard was good times.  But the outfit?   What’s with channeling Ward Cleaver at the TCAs?  Even Mike Brady had better style than that.
4 hours later she still can’t get over it
EastFriend: 50 bucks says that plaid shirt Rob wore last night was STINKY. Marcus’ sweat all over it. You know he didn’t wash it. Just picked it up off Marcus’ hotel room floor. Thank God Stephanie prob had the foresight to say, “Let me press that for you.” Maybe she sprayed Febreeze on the arm pits. One can only hope…

Read all about classical music, twilight scandals & real lesbians after the jump! Continue reading

Twilight museum of art (and crap)

Dear Fans of LTT and Fans of art,

We spend so much time making fun of things on LTT that I bet most people think Moon & I are the meanest people in real life. We’re not usually. I thought it was time to celebrate some of the beautiful things that come out of the fandom. Cuz there are some. I’m being serious. Don’t think that I’m gonna pretend like they’re great & then show you the most second-hand embarrassing art EVER that surely would star in the “Second-Hand Embarrassing Art Museum” in Manhattan (that doesn’t exist… yet)

Let’s stroll together through the Twilight Museum of Art….

Twilight___New_Moon_by_ember_snow

This scene found on google images beautifully depicts the theme of racism throughout the Twilight Saga. Wait. Were you aware of those themes? That instead of being a story of girl stuck between vampire & werewolf it’s really a story of a girl choosing between those paler than her or darker than her? Me neither. Okay, so maybe that’s not what the artist was trying to say, but isn’t art in the eye of the beholder? That’s what I saw here, but I still think it’s beautiful!

Alice_by_RinianAlice, drawn by Rinian, looks as cute as I had pictured her while reading the series. I wish I could be best friends with a cartoon character

eclipse___Tied_Up_by_shirohatoLOVE this picture of Bella and the two different colored ribbons representing the choice she has to make. Also love that she seems like a ballerina because, I don’t know about you, but I could’ve used less of a klutzy Bella.  By shirohato

Rosalie__s_Unhappy_Ending_by_Eclipse_AwayThis is my favorite piece that I’m sharing with you on our journey through the Twilight museum of art. The artist explained that this is a representation of Rosalie’s unhappy ending. If you look closely you’ll see her ghost in the picture, too. I have goosebumps. Found here on deviant art

bellaedwardThere is so much Bella & Edward art out there. Mostly because there are so many great pictures of Robert & Kristen together- so people just use their pictures as inspiration. While often times they can be good (although mostly they’re not), I love this because it’s the artist’s vision of Edward & Bella. Plus added with the quote from New Moon (appropriate placed- not inked in an armpit or doodled on the back of a minivan) it’s incredibly powerful! Found here

See! Wasn’t that fun!? To take a walk through the Twilight art gallery and, maybe laugh a little less, but instead be inspired!? And Look at me! I am being so nice today. Come on- you have to admit it, you like nice UC….

Fine… it’s hard for me too.. I’ll cave… after the jump, enjoy the good stuff…. Continue reading

Happy 4th of July from the Twilight gang

flying-flagDear LTT readers,

The crew over at the Cullen house asked us to pass along their tips & advice to enjoy the best Independence Day possible!

(If you’re not from the US and not celebrating the holiday today, you could still take to heart these words of wisdom)

Carlisle: Practice safety while using fireworks. The 4th of July is the most dangerous holiday in the US due to misuse of fireworks. Most loss of limbs could be prevented- it is due to stupid mistakes from people not following instruction (When it’s not due to stupid mistakes, it’s usually the fault of my son, Jasper, but I don’t write that on the medical report)

Esme: If you don’t want to cook Italiano, try my favorite recipe. All the Cullens love it on special occasions. Hunt a fresh mountain lion and a fresh grizzly bear. Track them down, stalk them, pounce and then kill them. Drag them back to the family house and then drink the blood. Sprinkle with love and stir in good times.

Rosalie: When I was a human, I celebrated 4th of July every year by being crowned the Independence Queen at the Rochester, NY Independence Day fair. Of course, I never intended to become a vampire, so I don’t celebrate the holiday anymore.

Emmett: My advice is simple- get yourself a hot girl, a keg (I prefer a deer blood keg) and a raw bear burger. Grab the fam- play a lil baseball and you’re set!

Bella: I find to keep your child occupied during the day, if you have no other children for him/her to play with, it is best to invest in a dog.  In our case, we have a wolf. And while you’re at it, if your kids are playing with wolves, why not let them play in traffic too.

Edward: I’ve learned that if you have accident-prone or klutzy people in your family, it’s best to keep them away from the grill, the fireworks, the stick you use for s’mores, the diving board on the pool, the volleyball court and the local Native American reservation. (If you have a reservation near by, you’d probably be safest to lock up your loved one…) Another tip that you can learn from my mistakes is to practice safe sex. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…

Alice: It is not okay to help yourself to seconds or grab an extra large piece of patriotic cake. I know you think you’re going to exercise tomorrow, but trust me. You won’t. You can always bet on me

Jasper: Are you usually the one who laughs at the people wearing the flag t-shirts whistling “America the Beautiful” all day long? Don’t really feel like you have a patriotic spirit? Don’t worry. This year, with my help, you will wake up with the Star Spangled Banner stuck in your head all day, which you will sing, loudly, for everyone to hear. And forget a flag t-shirt, you’re going to be inspired to collect all the flags in your neighbor’s yards & sew together your very own, custom, patriotic flag-outfit (similar to this one (UC note- don’t click unless you want to see a big girl almost naked, seriously) here.) You will feel patriotic this holiday, with my help!

Advice from UC & Moon: Feel free to make this your desktop background:

4thofjuly_LTT

And make sure to listen to this song:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Happy 4th of July!
Love,
UC & Moon & all the Cullens

Celebrate with Rob over on LTR

Not going to a picnic today (why not!? you should’ve told me- I would have invited you over!) play in The Forum

We are both out and about all weekend, so we may not approve your comment right away if it’s in moderation. Just chillax- enjoy. Eat a hot dog, or a raw bear burger if you’d rather! XO

Give me my money back! Kellan Lutz will no longer be Twilight-Cruising

twilightcruiseDear Kellan,

I was devastated when I found out you won’t be going on the Twilight Cruise in August of 2010. Seriously. Devastated. I actually said out loud, “Aww shucks!” It’s not going to be the same without you there peeling shrimp with me at the midnight seafood buffet. And who will I do the macarena with now, and how am I going to find a new duet partner to sing Islands in the Stream with me during late night karaoke? And I was planning on dressing as Rosalie during the Twilight-Prom themed “formal night” and going to ask you to dress up as Emmett so we could grind together to Paramore songs.

In the beginning...God created Kellan. And he looked good"

In the beginning...God created Kellan. And he looked good"

But now, who’s gonna judge the “Twilight t-shirt, wet-t-shirt” contest and what about leading prayer the morning after the wet t-shirt contest when we regret the fornicating we did that evening after I won?  And in the off chance that the ship starts to sink, you were my #1 choice to lead us in singing our favorite hymns as we plunge into the icy waters. Who’s gonna fill your shoes now!? Alex Meraz? Humph- it’s clear that he does not have the same commitment to his spiritual life that you do.  Have you seen his shirtless pictures? Completely man-whorish. At least with your shirtless pictures it’s clear you’re just trying to teach the children the story of how Adam was put here on this earth by God in a perfect form- naked and unashamed. You are truly a Biblical example.

"Buttcrack Santa"

Say "Berry Cobbler"

Obviously Alex Meraz is a last-resort choice and no one will come close to you, but I do have some suggestions for the Twilight Cruise planners for who might come in at a close second. #1: The person who cleaned the trailers on the set(s). Now that person would be interesting to talk to. What did they find? What did Rob eat? Did they come across any condoms? What were the results of the DNA test they ran (obviously) after picking up the used condoms? This would be a perfect session to hold in the grand ballroom on Day 1 of the cruise. #2 That waitress (Cora) from the diner, Ayanna Berkshire. What an interesting choice she would be to lead a discussion on the why’s and how’s she went about the line “Buttcrack Santa?” Quick teaser from my list of Top 10 things I want to ask Ayanna Berkshire: “How many times did you have to do the scene where you said “The boys wanna know” since you were talking about the oldest looking lumberjack grandpas on the planet? Ha! “The Boys…” good one.”

While your place will never be filled completely, I believe either one of these options gets us closer to the magic that would have happened with the infamous Kellan Lutz, womanizer, lover of all sorts of Twilight fans- short ones, tall ones, hot ones, fat ones, skinny ones, pretty ones, hot ones, not pretty ones, old ones, young ones, hot ones- on board. I just really need to express my deep disappointment that you won’t be there. Because you, Kellan Lutz, lover of Twilight fans, lover of shirtless pictures, lover of talking about your small role in the Twilight saga, would be an incredible addition to a boat full of thousands of twi-hards, floating at sea for a full seven days never giving you a moments peace from their demands to sign their paperback books, posters of Rob, twilight chuck taylors & breasts.

My heart will go on,
UnintendedChoice

*Little Tip from UC & Moon, gals who would never ever in a million years subject ourselves to the 2nd-hand embarrassment of a Twilight cruise, don’t book your tickets now. They say Ashley & Alex are committed- and they are, but only until they have a conflict with another film. Which they will. It’s so far in advance. Plus, it’s not going to sell out. (Oh my gosh… if a Twilight Cruise sells out….. I am really ashamed to be a fan….)

Let me tell you what Jena does in The Forum for us all. She posts literally every video of Rob EVER. Cuz she rules. And we love her. Find them all here

And check out what Moon has for us & Robbie on LTR

Rating the New Moon Trailer

Dear Twi-hards,

Introducing Moon & UC Grade something. It’s just like Breaking-it Down Vanity Fair Style, but just with us. Sometimes The Quad is busy & this is just easier. Today we grade the New Moon Trailer. Oh, you haven’t seen it? Clearly you’re not a real fan, but we’ll let it slide. Check it out then let us know if you agree with our grade scale:

Love,
UC & Moon

Here’s a fun game. See if you can count how many times we say “Dude”

Moon: Wanna break down the trailer, right now?
UC: Yes. This feels so forced. Like we scheduled sex. 6/1/09 9:00 pm SEX
Moon: Let me close the door (sounds like we’re doing something dirrrrty)
UC: dude i’m drunk. Okay I’m reading. i mean. i’m ready
Moon:  one second let me enlarge this sucker
UC:  that’s what she said

chesttouchEdward & Bella
Moon:  ok so he says “you’re my only reason to stay.. alive.. IF thats what i am”
WHAT?!
UC:  The husband just said “such predictable dialogue” Um, no commentary from you, thank you very much
Moon:  it’s stephenie meyer- everything is predictable.  So…what Edward says doesnt even make sense
UC: “you’re my only reason to stay alive..if that’s what i am.” What does that mean!?
Moon:  WHAT?!
UC:  WHEN is that part?
Moon: It’s in the cullen house. Before the bday party?? Maybe after? Either way that line makes no sense, but he could speak pig latin and i’d listen
UC: “ihay ovelay youhay obray.” It’s kinda sexy.. the way she’s all up on his chest.. with her hand. I’m kinda turned on right now. DAMNIT 3rd glass of wine
Moon:  he could be like “i farted cause i ate a bean buritto” and i’d be like WOW- profound
Moon:  ok not really but ya know. It’s like when someone speaks a different langauge than you and it sounds hot even if they’re asking where the bathroom is. He’s working THAT
UC: He totally is. He’s working that sexy, drool-worthy voice that you know he doens’t have in real life. In between takes he was totally burping Kristen’s name

Rose rocks a hot bitchface

Rose rocks a hot bitchface

The Party (:31)
Moon:  we need to break down the outfits
UC:  first impression: House..l.. um YES… major win over the last house, which i loved
Moon:  yea i LOVED the last house. I want to MARRY the last house
UC:  House= win. so romantic. I so hope that the hubby does that exact thing for our annivesary celebration tonight.
Moon:  the two houses don’t look like they go together
UC:  i want to marry THIS house. They’re diff houses, but I love them both. This is an upgrade. Let’s discuss the coloring. It’s great. I wasn’t against the blue. I liked the blue. It was depressing, rainy. I thought it was nice, but the warm golden colors? I like
Moon: The blue color was dreary twilight, and I think the change to warn tones reflects the change to the wolves and earthy shiz like the quilutes. LOVE the new look
UC:  Um Alice= my bff. She shoulda worn THAT Sunday night to MTV cuz it’s major win. Also notice NO showing of Nikki/Rosalie except for one bitch-face moment that I’m about to screen cap
Moon:  No joke, Ash’s wig is better than her bouffant from last night
Moon:  Rose looks hot for once and not like she fell out of a TJ Max sale rack like she did in Twilight.
UC:  right. Ross Black Friday special
Moon:  seriouisly lest we forget her ACID wash jeans
UC:  she goes well with uncle jesse
UC: Esme? Uh, make me a vamp now and make her my mama
Moon:  Esme will always be hot and timeless. NEED that dress
UC:  WILL BUY that dress on ebay. For $7,000 if I have to. Will fight over any Twimom to get it.

jasperbuffont

"Won't you be my supper?"

UC:  so far I’m in love with Chris Weitz. Can we discuss the manly sound we hear “Alice that cake could feed 50. you guys don’t even eat”
UC:  It’s like Kristen said “damn, it’s 3am, i don’t give a F*ck… i’m gonna sound like it’s 3am. Or like I ate a frog.”
Moon:  uh JASPER- aka:  Mr Rogers cardigan and a poodle wig
UC:  SO nasty! Seriously. Almost as bad as sweat fest 2009 at the khyber in philly
Moon:  he’s all top heavy with that hair, makes him look like a pinhead. I’m so sad and underwhelmed.  Sweatfest was better

Not so fast, you sweaty monkey, you

Not so fast, you sweaty monkey, you

The dramatic, small flesh wound (:43)
Moon: Jasper running is ridiculous! totes diff than how i imagined it but awesome
UC: poor piano
Moon:  next time i get a papercut im going to fling whatever it is im holding in the air. totally dramatic “OW PAPERCUT!”
UC:  Yes! Then throw someone on the piano! And ruin it. Even though it’s an antique from the 1800s that Bach played in the 1600. F*ck it. Who cares.
Moon:  thats how you react to small flesh wounds
UC:  Caust it’s a MUCH bigger deal than Bella getting her period
Moon:  dude you can totally see the harness and wires on jasper/stunt double. It’s all rumbled and a big square thing on his back
UC: Rush job!
Moon: yes definite rush job
UC:  Insert note from the Hubby “how many times do you think you’re gonna watch that clip? You probably should a bunch more. You don’t want to miss any foreshadowing or symbolism” (this is where I get my wonderful sarcasm)

See where Bella gets sad and Chris Hansen comes after us, after the jump

Continue reading