All the Twilight news that’s fit to print – Unicorns and lots of BooBoo’s

Xavier: I thought I was supposed to be deaf? Ash: Trust me, that excuse only works once!

Dear LTT-ers,

There comes a time every few weeks or so that we have to do a news dump because there’s simply too much news and not enough letters in the day. So here’s all the news we think you should know about but couldn’t cover.

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!
Themoonisdown

• Our BFF Ashley Greene gets a Twitter and proceeds to lull us to sleep with tweets of her sleeping habits and stories of buying dog food. There’s something to be said about keeping the mystery, isn’t there? Love you BFF!

• Dude, Xavier did you forget what I told you to say if Jackson invited you to a 100 Monkeys show!? Did he not think you were deaf or sick with food poisoning? In other news, HIGH FIVE for going with Ashley, maybe you’ll be the lucky SOB to finally figure out she’s a hot piece, while the rest of that numbnuts cast wonders why they don’t have a girlfriend, or why theirs smells of grease.

• Both Melissa Rosenberg and Justin Chon dish that Eclipse will be a much “darker” film. No really? This is the book in that saga that contains the story of Jasper’s shady past, killing innumerable people, the turning and training of a newborn vampire army, the rape of Rosalie at the hands of her fiance, and fight training all culminating in arguably the saga’s most satisfying moment of conflict: the battle. So “dark,” you say? NO DUH!

Jacob hungry! Me want filet-o-fish!

• New Moon Action figures go on sale at Hot Topic. Is it just us or does Jacob look a little “special” in the face?

• Little Jacky is photographed with a boo-boo (not the kid playing Seth) Tuesday. No one knows whether it was his hand, his head or that terrible wig that was injured. I’m hoping he broke his hand after punching out the wig department after he saw his reflection in the mirror. Jackson Rathbone-r: kicking ass and NOT taking names!

• Little BooBoo Stewart gets his first tattoo! Awww, they grow up so fast, don’t they? How friggin cute is this kid?!

Follow the cut for more news, shirtless Kellan and Jackson the Unicorn!

A tear jerker Twilight Thursday

Dear LTTers,

We’ve shared this week about the crazy letters we get from special Twilighters who provide us with countless laughs.  But for every 10 25 crazy emails we get, we read one that brings us to tears.  Today we’re going to set-aside the normal funny jokes & banter (I know you don’t believe me- you think I’m gonna post a picture of Buttcrack Santa singing “Friends are Friends forever” with Tequila Tomas, but I’m being serious) because we received a letter that touched us so deeply that it can’t not be shared:

To me the Twilight Saga has more meaning than most.
It has actually changed my life!

I know that sounds crazy but please let me explain:

Almost 3 years ago I had an accident that resulted in a head injury. I have been trying to re-learn everything, but without short term memory, it is a huge, frustrating, challenge. The best way to describe my life is like living the movie “Fifty First Dates” without the humor! I feel “lost in space” most of the time. My brain now reacts like pieces of a puzzle that have been thrown up in the air, and I am constantly trying to grab them to put them back in place! Reading had always been my escape- my passion- until the accident. Since then, no matter how hard I tried, I either couldn’t understand the most simplest of words, or couldn’t hold on to the information long enough so that I could follow the story. I had all but given up hope. Then came Twilight!

My daughter knew I’d love the movie, but because I can’t ever go out (It’s very hard with a head injury, you look “normal”, so people don’t understand if you’re dizzy or say the wrong word, and it became too embarrassing (especially when people assumed I was drunk!) I stopped going anywhere). So she waited for the DVD to be released and didn’t tell me she also bought the book. Using the movie as a guideline, I tried to read the book. What I couldn’t follow or understand while reading, I would use the movie I had loaded onto my computer, to refer to. It took many months and lots of notes, but I DID IT! I read my 1st book! I can never find the words to express how I felt the day I came to the last page! A precious gift had been given back to me!

How do I thank everyone for creating a movie with characters that were interesting enough for me to WANT to read the book. A story, so well written that I REFUSED to give up until I finished reading it. Although I lose pretty much all of it after I sleep, it’s a worthwhile challenge to watch the movie and read the book every day, to keep practicing! (Although I have to admit on a couple of occasions, I made myself stay awake all night because I was at such a great part in the book, I didn’t want to lose it!!) I must hold the record for having watched and read Twilight the most times!! A friend of mine was even keeping count for awhile, I think she stopped after 122 or something! I wish I could personally thank Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Catherine Hardwicke & the entire cast for giving back to me the gifts of courage, strength and determination. Who knows what is next, maybe I WILL find the courage to go OUT to see New Moon! The thought alone terrifies me, but I know that I have to keep trying, that I can NEVER give up because dreams do come true! My most sincere thanks to all!

Sincerely,
Cyndi

How many tissues did you go through during that story? To quote Jessica Stanley, “I know, right?”

Cyndi shared with us that LTT/LTR have made it onto one of her infamous post-its, to remind her to read it everyday! And even though it sometimes takes her hours to read what we write, when she finishes and ‘gets’ the joke, she is laughing along with all of us!

Cyndi- you joked that you were going to have to write a post-it note to remind yourself that your letter is going to be posted. Hope the reminder worked & we didn’t scare you! Thank you again for sharing your beautiful story and not only touching me & Moon, but I’m guessing everyone who reads this post today!

Kellan bear hugs from both of us,
UC & Moon

PS: Decided to throw you a little “Cullen Smile” after the jump

Praying and Fasting: For a better New Moon

Dear intelligent LTT readers who know better than to love a Young Adult novel & its poorly made movie adaptation but love it anyway,

Comic Con is over. We saw the new clip. We’ve seen the new pictures. The official website is up, and so New Moon time is ON.  It’s time we start our “Fasting & Praying for a better New Moon” which is a phrase we borrowed from our friend Lula who is doing a similar concept with her Twi-pals.

You’ve heard us say it countless times- We love Stephenie Meyer & the world she created. We love Robert Pattinson’s portrayal of Edward & (some of us) love Kristen as Bella, but a LOT about Twilight the movie just plain BLEW.  Buttcrack Santa? Thank you Melissa Rosenberg for writing him in because he’s my favorite character to make fun of, but really? Oh gosh, you’ve all read our blog- I don’t need to keep going- you know what we hated about the movie.

I saw Twilight 5 times in the theaters and have watched the DVD 3 times now (once with the commentary- I know! That’s nothing) and each time I watch it the more embarrassed I am that I spent over $50 at the movie theaters (plus all the money I spent on popcorn- b/c I can’t see a movie without out- seriously. Even if I just had popcorn for dinner, I’d still get popcorn in the theater)

We recently got this email from an LTT reader

Dear Melissa Rosenberg,

Twilight was a joke movie. I love Twilight and have seen it 800,000 times because (of Rob) of my love for the books, but to be honest, it’s a really terrible, second-hand embarrassing movie. The first time I watched it, I had not read the books yet, and I walked out. Of course, after I read the books I went back and watched it 3 more times in theaters. I had been contemplating whether New Moon would be just as…lame for lack of better words, or would it actually live up to it’s explosive hype? Of course, it doesn’t matter, it will still make bazillions in the box office, Twihards around the world, including myself, will watch it multiple times in theaters. But with the AMAZING trailer and all the set videos and visit reports, will the movie end up being an actual good movie that humans beyond the Twiworld would be able to enjoy? I have been pondering this question for awhile, and I had high hopes, because of new direction, a bigger budget, and Rob. But then I remembered. Yes, the director has been replaced (love the coug, but my, my was the directing terrible), and the stunts and make up will actually look professional this time around, but I’m sorry, the worst part about the movie was…THE SCRIPT. It was all your fault. Well not all, but you play a big role in why Twilight was unintentionally hilarious. The dialogue was SO incredibly cheesedick. Come on, “How you likin’ da rain grrrrrrrrl?” It’s not ‘hip’ to talk like that anymore. Nor was it ever. “Any cold…wet…thing…” Really? REALLY? You couldn’t come up with something better to respond to how ‘shez likin da rain?’ And why does Edward HAVE to show Bella he’s sparkly after she says it…OUTLOUD (that made Edward sound like a douche btw). Oh dear, MelMel, you really butchered it. See, because of you, not only do Twihards get made fun of for liking the books, but they are REALLY looked down upon for liking the movie. You should be ashamed of yourself. I really, really hope you watched Twilight yourself, realized how much you assraped the script, and wrote a less parody-like screenplay for New Moon. Stop smokin’ da herb grrrrrrl. Thanks.

Love,
me.

MelMel: At fault? Or another victim of Cathy Hardy's wacky ways?

So I have to ask. Was it the script? I think that was a huge contributing factor.  So our first prayer & first object of fasting is for “MelMel,” as the email writer called her, to step it up a notch & lay off the ‘suck’ with the New Moon script.

I think she can do it. I mean, she’s got a pretty impressive resume up on imdb. She wrote for Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman for gosh sakes! I wanted to do Sully before I even knew what ‘doing’ meant. But seriously, she’s written for The OC, which like it or love it, is a brilliantly written show, and she is currently a writer for Dexter. I’ve only seen a few episodes and they’re creepily awesome, but it’s one of Moon’s favorite shows and she agrees that the writing is very creative & well-done.

So she’s obviously experienced, although those 3 shows I mentioned (yes, I wasn’t kidding about Dr. Quinn) are all TV shows, and I understand the process is different for TV versus film. Moon argues that she thinks ‘the cougar” (aka Hardy- Catherine Hardwicke) may have had a lot to do with botching the script & added some of those cheeseball lines we all cringe to hear. Admit it- the first month or two you made excuses for those lame lines like “LA Push it’s… La Push” and “Purple’s cool” saying they were “cute” and ‘just a few high school kids playing around.” But by now, we’re over making excuses- we admit it- those lines sucked big time. Did “MelMel” write them in? Or was it Hardy’s fault?

I don’t know and I doubt we ever will.  All I know is that it’s Monday night at 9:51 pm and I just had myself a cupcake (of course), a glass of wine (fine 4 glasses), half a bag of pirate’s booty, some pasta, shrimp fried rice & an apple because my fast starts tomorrow and I’m not going to eat much from now until November.  And I’m holding my eyes opened in preparation for them being closed in a three and 1/2 month prayer that MelMel figured out a way to best write the script so that Chris Weitz can represent those empty pages with just the names of the months listed when Bella is barely surviving visually and beautifully so that not a single sound is heard in any theater across the globe on November 20 other than the sound of heart-broken, sobbing Unicorns & women.

Only 114 more days until I can eat again,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Did Melissa Rosenberg have a lot to do with Twilight’s issues? Are you worried about her involvement with New Moon?

Fun Fact: I drafted this post days ago, and when I went into it last night to do a final edit & schedule for today, I noticed I called the screenwriter: Melissa ROBsenberg

Moon loves Rob. And wrote him something special on LTR
The Forum loves you. Go love it back

Characters that got the shaft in the movie Vol. 1: Jasper

Dear Jasper –

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now since I first saw the movie and now that I’m rereading Twilight (again). I’ve come to a conclusion Jasper: I think you got royally screwed in the movie. You (as well as some others I will cover in later posts) got screwed out of some majorly needed character development and denied one of the most powerful and in my personal opinion one of the BEST scenes from the book. You know the one… if you’ve got your bibles Twilight books handy it’s on page 404, near the end after the baseball scene they’re in the garage and everyone has run off to chase after James and Victoria while Alice and Jasper take Bella to Phoenix. Bella and Jasper are alone in the garage and this exchange takes place…

Jasper and I looked at each other. He stood across the length of the entryway from me… being careful.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said quietly.

“What?” I gasped.

I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it.”

“I’m not,” I mumbled. “If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing.”

“You’re wrong,” he repeated, smiling kindly at me.

Amazing, isn’t it? Calm, cool reassuring Jasper says one of the most profound ideas of the entire saga, the whole basis for why they put themselves in danger, the reasoning behind Edward’s love for her. That above all else SHE’S WORTH IT! And it was not in the movie! What were they thinking? They added in some totally necessary parts and left THIS gem out? I really can’t quite understand that. Not only was this amazing scene cut from the movie we also never really learn fully about your abilities, Jasper. It’s mentioned that you’re “special” like Edward and Alice but they never explain how or why. Instead Jackson is forced to play Jasper as some sort of Edward Scissorhands caricature with crazy eyes and a serious need for Immodium AD. When really he’s a much deeper character with very deep emotions.

I understand the limitations of film but I still think you got screwed and I can only hope that they get it right from here on out with not only your character Jasper but with a lot of other ones. And while we’re at it can you tell Stephenie Meyer once she’s through finishing Midnight Sun she can start on the Alice/Jasper story. I’m DYING simply DYING to know more! I need to read the diner scene and get all ooey gooey with some Jasper and Alice love.

Soothe me Jasper,
Themoonisdown

Now don’t jump the gun… this is volume ONE and we have plenty of other characters to talk about!

Don’t let the good times end, head over to the forum and today’s daily chat!

Told you all they weren’t in Vancouver yet

Dear people in the media who jump to conclusions instead of doing research like you were taught in your 2nd day of undergrad,

I told you the cast wasn’t in Vancouver yet.  (Okay, I didn’t tell you- but I can provide e-mail PROOF where I wrote it to many friends in the past few days.. and I meant to post something yesterday about the “crazies” believing the “lies,” but I got busy.. I am a busy gal, what with all the making out I do with my Edward Cullen pillowcase Robert Pattinson.)

When I first read what Melissa Rosenberg said, I immediately knew it was taken out of context or her words were mixed around. Here is what she supposedly said:

“I can tell you the original cast will all be coming back. They’re on set right now, in Vancouver! They’re all up there prepping the movie to start shooting very soon.”

My guess, from the first moment I read this, was that she said “I can tell you the original cast will all be coming back,” and then the interviewer said- “Yeah- I hear Taylor is too! Awesome. He’s looking smokin’ hot and a little like Adam Brody. I bet everyone is itchin’ to start filming” to which Melissa said “They’re on set right now, in Vancouver! They’re all up there prepping…”

Immediately I said… duh- the crew is in Vancouver.. prepping. B/c last I checked, “big” stars like KStew and Rob aren’t setting up mics, lighting and staging. I mean, maybe I’m wrong.. maybe Rob signed up to be on catering crew this time around b/c of his love for making tuna melts. Yeah, that must be it. You’re right, I’m wrong. Rob IS in Vancouver.

Also, I’ve actually some posts on blogs “Congratulating” Rob and Kristen for getting to Vancouver without being filmed and/or photographed. OMG! THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE! Those days are OVER! If Kristen gets filmed at the VET (which she did yesterday, in case you’ve been living under a rock- and if you are living under a rock and still read this blog, please e-mail us, I want to give you a prize), do you think it’s actually possible for her to go to LAX or Rob to Heathrow without anyone catching them? NO WAY JOSE!

A hilarious friend and I were discussing the absurdity of this  “Twilight news” today and she said she’s praying that the psycho crazies who don’t do their research (or just DON’T think logically) already made the trip up to Vancouver, expecting to see Rob, but instead have found nothing but gaffers, Best Boys and 3rd assistant directors. SUCKERS!

Plus, unless you live in a small tiny box in the middle of the words with no friends or internet connection, everyone has heard about all the snow in London.  There’s been no buses running and over 800 flights were canceled.  Rob’s ass is at home, staying out ’til 3 am, sleeping ’til noon and only waking when his mama tells him to come down and eat his Wheatbix. Rob is in the SNOW. Just like me! I feel connected to him already.

So seriously, media people and bloggers who believe the absurdity, just take a second and think it through… the cast is NOT in Vancouver. (and I’m really pissed about it because my plane ticket here was NOT cheap.. plus I’ve been laying naked on my hotel bed for the past 24 hours, covered in rose petals waiting for Rob to get the note & room key I left on the beat-up BMW I saw outside of the hotel, and I really have to pee)

Kristen is PISSED cuz Michael told her she CANNOT have a tuna melt if Rob had any part in making it. And she REALLY loves Tuna melts

Love,
UnintendedChoice xo

Pic stolen from here (yeah, that’s right. I’m badass, I steal stuff)

How about your put your dissapointment about Rob still being in the UK* into a poem or something for our Twi-alentines day contest!

*dissapointment does not apply to fans in UK who never want him to leave.