Wait, Renesmee is cool? She serves a purpose? Cam explains why

*Cam writes to Stephenie about the much debated vampire love child Renesemee and gives it to us from a mom perspective. An LTT mom perspective… settle in… This is also an excuse to post more creepy Renesmee fan images*

The fact that these exsist make my day!

Dear Stephenie,

I get it. I totally get it. Reneesme. See, I’m a mom, too. So I 100% get and support Reneesme.

I know most of the fandom can’t stand your rapidly aging, mind-reading, half – vamp baby and they really can’t stand her name, but I get why Reneesme had to happen and appreciate her part of the story.

You said on Oprah that your kids were terrible sleepers – that they didn’t sleep through the night until they were almost 2! Ouch. As any mother knows, those first few months of sleep deprivation (or in your case years!) will make you go crazy. Straight up question your sanity, make you feel like a zombie crazy. (No wonder you dreamed of vampires!) You’ve also said that to you, your Twilight world was a fantasy world where Bella did and experienced things you never would. So no wonder that when you took our beloved Twilight series to its ending, you would include a miracle half – human, half – vampire baby who embodies all of the things real babies aren’t. You wanted Bella to experience motherhood in a way none of us ever will – in idyllic (if slightly creepy and horrific) perfection. You made Bella the luckiest vampire in the world when you created Reneesme. Not only does she get the perfect man night after night for all of eternity, she gets the world’s perfect baby. Win – win.

So Stephenie, I’ve compiled a list of all the reasons Reneesme totally makes sense and all the fabulous qualities of a fantasy half – human, half – vampire baby and pregnancy.

• Conception – On a private island with the world’s perfect man, with action so hot you break beds, plus all the eggs you can eat? Sign me up!

• Pregnancy – Instead of 40 long weeks of your body slowly getting bigger and bigger and stretching every which way – you get it over with quickly. One month of rapid stretching and bone breaking. Um, wait…maybe this isn’t an advantage.

• Birth – This sounds pretty horrible. I think both my husband and I would freak out if he had chewed our children out of me. I had to convince him just to cut the umbilical cord. But hey, any way you get a baby out is no walk in the park. Plus, ultimately this gets Bella what she wants – Edward. Maybe it is worth it.

• The baby sleeps through the night immediately. Win!

Seriously, if you made this please raise your hand

• You don’t have to nurse her. Yes, being able to nurse your children is a gift and a joy and a special bonding time. But it also ruins your boobs. And limits what you can do. I’m not one of those people to just whip out my boobs and nurse anywhere. Although UC’s boob off does sound interesting. Can there be a National Geographic prize for those TwiMoms among us?

• No post baby weight to get off. In fact, post birth you look better than you did before. This is pure fantasy. After I had my babies, I was just glad my earrings hadn’t fallen out and I hadn’t sweated or cried all of my mascara off.

• You wake up wearing a hot silk dress and stilettos, ready to spring into vampire action!

• You have sex really quickly after you have the baby. Like all night every night while your baby sleeps happily in the next room. This is why there are TwiMoms. Because we know the reality — your sex life is totally different after kids – and right after you have the baby…um, not so much.

• Jacob imprinting on her. You know, love, and trust the person who will take care of your child for the rest of her life. You know they have met their soul mate. Those are all dreams of moms for their children. We want nothing more than for our children to have life partners who will love, respect and take care of them. Sure, it’s a bit creepy that he used to be in love with Bella, but whatever. Minor detail.

The newest and my most favorite entry into the Renesmee fanart Hall of Shame

• The name — Do I like the name you picked, Stephenie? Does it matter? Nope. My theory is if you birth it, you get to name it no questions or opinions from anyone else allowed. Is it a mouthful to say and spell?  Yes. But this is your baby, Steph, so if you like the name, then good for you.

You’re welcome, Stephenie. I know most people complain about Reneesme. I know she ruined the story for a lot of fans. But to me, she was the icing on the fantasy vampire life cake. And while there are some aspects of vampire mommy hood (Edward) that sound appealing, I think I prefer human mommy hood.

Just one request….could you help a sister out and finish Midnight Sun?

Completely and Irrevocably in Reneesme’s Defense,

Cam

Good call Cam… Maybe Stephenie just wanted to write about having the perfect little girl that she wouldn’t get to have as a human. And the boob thing, totes get that! But these manips? Don’t get these… What do you all think? What’s the real reason Stephenie decided to write Renesmee into the story?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilosophy: Charlie & Renee – a parenting cop out?

Dear Twilosophy Majors,

My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…

Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.

Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.

Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?

Read more Twilosophy after the jump

Kristen Stewart, pregnant with Rob’s lovechild? Or just bloated?

Touching somewhere NEAR her stomach... it MUST be true!

Dear LTT-ers, Robstenites, Nonstenites, and general gossip hounds,

Recently a most outrageous “news” story began circulating around the interwebs. Rag mags, gossip sites and weirdos alike have been reporting that Kristen Stewart is pregnant! Yes, the 19 year old, barely legal, girl from Zathura, the chosen one of Stephenie Meyer, aka Bella is allegedly PREGNANT. Now I’m not one to believe most stuff from the Rag mags until the star themselves confirm it. But what’s the fun in waiting? So I’ve gathered together a panel of obsessed freaks experts on the subject of all things Twilight, Kristen and pregnancy. We’re going to treat this like our very own cable news show so sit back and relax as we bring you all the facts, reactions and advice on:

HARDBALL with Themoonisdown

Hello and welcome to our very first addition of Hardball, today is Friday, July 10th, 2009 and here’s what we know on the Kristen Stewart might be pregnant news front…

The Aussie tab’s insider says, “When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.”

The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her and that she is “very nervous about the whole situation.”

As evidence, the mag ran a shot of Stewart with a small round belly on the set of her upcoming film, “The Runaways.”

Naturally reps for Stewart and Pattinson have not confirmed whether there is any truth to the New Weekly’s report.

Click to enlarge the NEWS

As it stands this is what we know: Kristen Stewart is supposedly “late” in getting her monthly visitor. And of course thinks that a one Mr. Robert Pattinson is the father, nevermind her ex-boyfriend who from all accounts she was still with 2-3 months ago. Kristen Stewart has an unknown “friend” buy her a pregnancy test. And finally as physical evidence we have a photo of Kristen from the set of the Runaways with what reporters are calling a “small round belly.”

I turn now to my panel of highly esteemed journalists, Robsten followers, snarky commenters and legal experts for their reactions… Let’s play Hardball!

LOOK AWAY FROM HIS EYES!!

First up from the always on top of it Rob Pattinson site “Robsessed” we have the lovely Gozde. What is your opinion of the news that Kristen might be pregnant with Rob’s love child?

Gozde: Rob can impregnate with a stare, true story, but for this time I say ‘What a Load of Crap’

Moon: As proof Gozde has brought along this lovely picture at right to help prove her point. Can we get that on the screen now? (look to your left) *sees rob* Uh… yea I’m gonna have to say you might be right… I feel my ovaries spontaneously ovulating… NEXT expert! Quickly!!

Kristin: *interupting* “I would also like to mention that after seeing pictures of Rob and Ruby (his pint sized costar for Remember Me) together, my uterus spontaneously impregnated itself, so if there is a babymama, It’s me, spelled with an IN. Just in case you were all wondering…”

Moon: Well, I guess we’ve proven your point Gozde, maybe a Kristen IS pregnant from his stares, it just might be OUR KristIN, instead. Why don’t we toss this to the super wonderful TwiCrackAddict for her take. What do you think TwiCrack, pregnant or not?

TwiCrackAddict: “Hullo? If having a lil’ pooch is evidence of being knocked up, then people must think that my ever-present Food-Induced-Belly-Bump is an indication that I’m pregnant with sextuplets these days. Sorry, I’m just puffy and eat too much ice cream”

Follow the cut to see what else the panel has to say, and IS SHE PREGNANT?? Come back after this commercial break