What ever happened to…

Dear LTTers,

We’ve been with you for awhile now and over the past year and 4 months we’ve talked about a lot. A lot of themes and characters have come and gone. Some people who were SO vital to our – err- organization are like distant memories. Today we begin a new series where we dig into the past and find out whatever happened to… whoever we’ve sadly stopped talking about. First on today’s list…..

Buttcrack Santa

After his wild success playing the role of “Buttcrack Santa” in Twilight in 2008, Ned Bellamy went on to star as a secondary, mostly-forgotten character in a few episodes of 2 different, barely watched television shows and as the highly popular character named “Cabinet Member” in the television series 24. No- I got that wrong. He was the “character name “Cabinet Member” in the highly popular television series 24. He has not yet worked in 2010.

In his spare time he either writes or reads one-shot fan fic about himself:

Just in time for Christmas! This is what I think happened during the “butt-crack Santa incident”. Written in Waylon’s POV One-shot.

Seeing Bella all grown up reminded me of the last time I saw her. It was Christmas. Charlie brought four-year-old Bella to a Christmas party. I decided to suprise the kids and dress up like Santa Clause. Well, the suit was a little big, so I stuffed it with a few pillows.

At about seven o’clock, I came out to give out the presents. All the kids lit up, especially Bella. I gave out all the presents from under the tree. There was one last present left, but the bow was stuck on a branch. I bent down to get it unstuck and I heard some giggling. I thought it was just from getting the present caught on the tree, but Bella blurted out, “Ew! Butt crack!” Everyone laughed. I pulled the sagging Santa pants up and finally got the present unstuck and gave it to it’s owner. The rest of the party went fine, but I didn’t get up from the couch the rest of the night. When Charlie was about to leave to take Bella home, he patted me on the back and said, “Good job, butt-crack Santa.” Bella giggled and they went home.

A.N.: Now, wasn’t that a good holiday Pick-me-up? Now click that little green button below and give me a nice, tasty review!

P.S. Beware of ill-fitting Santa suits!

(Go review that fic & make that writer’s- aka Ned Bellamy’s- day)

The 100 Monkeys

Once known for their ability to write a hit song about an every day object found in the puffy-painted canvas tote of a fan club member, the 100 Monkeys have seemed quiet as of late. Or has it just been our incredible lack of care for Jackson Rathbone as compared to the other cast members like we were accused of in a recent fan letter:

Hooray- a way for you to make up for your inexcusable neglect of Jackson Rathbone- have you been covering the 100 City tour?  did you have pictures of the black eye? did you write about the Hard Rock Las Vegas brouhaha? have you shown us awesome Last Airbender trailers?  noooo it’s all about Kellen in underwear ads and Taylor’s father for some unfathomable reason.

Anyway here’s your chance to make it all up.  Jackson and the 100 Monkeys will be in Philadelphia April 8th at the North Star and it would be lovely if you would attend and tell us about it.

Coco

secret

Unfortunately I was busy on April 8th ogling pictures of Kellan Lutz in his undewear and photoshopping Big Daddy Lautner getting stuck in the drive thru window of a McDonalds and couldn’t make the show. However, maybe in a few years I’ll think about attending one again after my ears heal from the last time I saw the band in Philadelphia.

secret

However, in keeping with the theme of “Whatever happened to” and in no way writing this to appease Coco (even though I love nothing more than to bend over backwards for someone’s bitchy request), I did some research on the band. The Monkeys now have a pretty cool-looking website and seem to still run around town with Marty the Bananager. They are reconsidering his role in the band as the banana suit smells so bad that it’s actually keeping the girls away. This spring the band is on a 100 city tour and Jackson latest “look” is turning me- normally a lover of hippie, dirty rock boys- into a lesbian. Their music is just as bad- if not worse- than when I first saw them a year ago. Believe me, I just spent the last 5 minutes listening to clips of their songs on the “100 Monkeys Jukebox” praying for something I could tolerate. I came up empty handed.

secret

On the new website, there is a “Chatter” section where their fans can discuss the latest color of puffy paint to use on their canvas Monkey bag & share with each other (and hope that the band will take a peek too) the most recent art inspired by the band. For example:

This beautiful masterpiece

Or this- the best Jackson has looked in 2 whole years:

(I actually like this- shhh don't tell)

And I’m so happy to have finally found Moon’s birthday present:

Find out MORE after the jump!

My FanFic Storyline Ideas – Vol 1: JediWard

UUUUSSSEEE THE DAZZLE FORCE EDWARD!!! and t

Dear Twilight Fan Fiction writers-

Yesterday, while on Twitter I saw a trending topic called “Jedward” which as it turns out is some weird incestuous looking brother singing duo but because I’m not “down with the kids” like Billy Black, it made me think some FanFic writer created a hillbilly Edward hybrid. I tweeted it cause I think I’m funny sometimes and as it turned out I wasn’t the only one and someone else thought it was “Jediward” a Star Wars version of Edward. And THAT got me to thinking. What would Star Wars look like with Twilight characters subbed in? Now, I’m sure I’m going to get crucified by White Yorkie and the Font for attempting or even entertaining such SciFi/Fantasy heresy but I just have to explore the complete craziness of this idea.

With this in mind I present to you our latest series: My Fanfiction Storyline Ideas! Because I think of some pretty absurd ideas and feel like it’s my duty to share them with the word and please writers if you feel like taking up this mantle of absurdity, feel free. I just come up with the ideas if you can make it reality than more power to you and more laughing for me!

Click to enlarge and possibly frame

Title: Star Wars: May the Forks Be With You!
AU, Non canon Twi and Non Canon Star Wars (too hard, I tried), Scifi, Romance, Angst

Summary:
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… a rebellion begins against the evil Volturi Empire to take back the Republic and destroy the evil Darth Aro and his massive Death Star space station. Captured by the Empire while on a spy mission, Princess Bella who has the stolen Death Star blueprints hides them in escaped droids Eric2-D2 and Mike3PO.

EEEDDDWWWAAARRDDDD I am your sisterrrrr!!

Later on the planet of La Pushtouine, Edward Skywalker purchases Eric2-D2 and Mike3PO and accidentally uncovers a secret message from Princess Bella asking Charlie-Wan Kenobi to help as he’s her only hope. Inspired to help this girl Edward finds Charlie-Wan and they set out to find the Rebels to deliver the message and rescue Princess Bella. In need of transport and a secret passage they hire space pilot without a cause Jazz Solo and his Wookie co-pilot Chewbacob to lead them to the rebels.

Follow the cut to see what happens

Tonight on a very special “To Catch a Predator”…

Dear Taylor Lautner lovers, counting down the days until he turns 18 (56),

What would happen if you had the opportunity to meet up with Taylor Lautner? Sarah (comment name SEM) shared with us a story of one lucky woman who did just that or so she thought…Call it fan fiction; call it a work of art; call it so realistic it’s a bit disturbing; We just call it EPICNESS (and hope you don’t call Chris Hansen on us).

To Catch a Predator

I arrived at the nondescript little house around 4 p.m. As I pulled my generic automobile into the driveway, I noticed I was shaking a little. Did I have a sense of foreboding? Did I suspect what trouble lay around the bend? Was I just super-uber excited about getting to meet Taylor Lautner?

It’s hard to say. Sure, like any red-blooded woman I was thrilled about meeting the sexier half of Swiftner. But if I was being honest with myself, I did find it a little odd that I had met Taylor in a chat room a few weeks ago and was meeting him in person in what amounted to BFE, Middle America. It didn’t seem logical that Taylor would live anywhere near there, but I figured with his money he might have properties all over the place. And it did have its charms. It was the kind of small town you’d see in a typical 1950s filmstrip about wholesomeness.

But I didn’t feel wholesome. Who knows why. Maybe it was because I was meeting him for the first time at his home instead of in a public place. Maybe I was experiencing a sort of compulsory nervousness that accompanies all first dates. Or maybe it was the fact that the instant messages I had been sending the as-yet-underaged TaycobSexxy8Pak@perv-sting.com for the last 6 weeks had been categorically debauched. Whatever it was, I was uneasy.

My jitters caused me to drop my tote bag on the way to the door. I told myself to get a grip. He’s just another guy. He’s probably nervous too. I rapped lightly on the door. There was no answer. I knocked a little harder. Nothing. What, does he think I can just use some tree limbs like the uneven parallel bars and then ricochet off the side of his house directly into his bedroom? I’m fast, but I’m not that fast. Finally I heard a young man’s voice from inside the house.

“It’s open. Just come on in.”

Okay, he’s not even gonna come to the door. I know he’s underaged, but he’s old enough to know what bad manners that is…

I opened the door and slowly stepped across the threshold. I didn’t immediately observe anything out of the ordinary, though the décor was admittedly Spartan. Perhaps he had just recently moved in. Hanging in the hallway was a portrait of Taylor with what appeared to be a grandparent. He’s sentimental… That’s hott.

Looking for Taylor, I stepped into the kitchen. The plain pine cabinets, beige linoleum floor, and outdated appliances made the room appear dour despite the light color palette. In the center of the room was a plain pine island surrounded by wooden stools. Something about this house, especially this room, was familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint where I might have seen it.

Just then he called out from a room farther back down the hallway: “I’m just gonna throw a load of towels into the washer. I’ll be right out.”

This isn’t right… Something is very wrong. Why hasn’t he come out to say hi? Why is he doing laundry when he should be doing me? Why did that picture of he and his grandmother look like someone cut out one of Taylor’s magazine covers and grafted it onto the picture that came with the frame?

At that moment he uttered the words that I immediately recognized as the harbingers of disaster:

“I made some sweet tea. Go ahead and pour yourself a glass. I’ll be right out.”

I realized instantly why the house was so familiar. About 3 things I was absolutely positive. First, I had not been corresponding with the real Taycob. Second, a part of my online conversations – and I didn’t know how large a part – were going to be exposed on network television. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably busted.

Uh oh. Who caught her? Read on after the jump!

Waiting in line for New Moon premiere? Get your helpful tips here!

4 days of hell start here

Dear LTTers,

Yesterday morning we were told a super big secret that 13 people were already in line for the New Moon premiere. Then the news leaked on Twitter and suddenly it wasn’t a secret anymore. Did you just panic because you have plans tonight and didn’t set aside time to glue your eyes to your laptop while you watch a live stream of the red carpet? Don’t worry you still have a few days. Yes, that’s right, because the premiere isn’t tonight, but it’s Monday night. Yep. Those who got in line yesterday are there 4 days in advance. Those who will get in line today will be there 3 days early. Tomorrow… 2 days. Sunday 1 day… etc.

It turns out that the first group of people are line are the gals from Twifans.com and Cullenboysanonymous.com. Okay, they both run Twilight fansites, I get why they want to be up close and personal on the red carpet. They want to get first-hand accounts and interviews and videos for their readers. That’s really nice. I can hear your questions now, “UC- aren’t you changing your flight and flying out tonight instead of waiting until Sunday so that you and Moon can get in line and be sure to get us an exclusive interview with Solomon Trimble (who I bet is the 3rd person in line behind Twifans & CBA) and catch the action when Cathy Hardi tries to sneak past security and onto the red carpet?” Uh, no. We’re not going to be doing that. We love you and all, and while a one-on-one with Solomon would be great and we could potential make our dream come true if we see HIM on the red carpet (our dream being a UC & Moon sandwich with Big Daddy Lautner in the middle), we value sleep in a comfy bed and protection from crazy Twihards & tweens more than spending 4 days in the hot sun then cold nights on a deflating air mattress while suffering from the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that we’d get because we’d have to hold our pee for four days all the while one person stays awake to protect us from the non-rob hobos that roam the streets of Westwood, CA.

Cardboard cut out of Jacob. Check. Cranberry Juice. Check

So while we’re not going to be there many people are. I’d venture to say that by tonight, there will be a good 100-200 people in line. 45 of them will be Solomon Trimble’s closest friends and family, but they still count. And since the 4 day waiters (Hey Kim & Allison!) probably got bored 5 minutes after their tent was set up and their coffee was gone (regretting that Venti cafe latte now, huh?), I’ve compiled a list entitled “Things to do while we wait for a opportunity to see Kristen Stewart’s bare breasts in a new sexy dress and cross our fingers that Rob may or may not look our way for 2.5 milliseconds 4 days from now on the New Moon premiere red carpet” to help ease the boredom a bit:

• Play the FanFiction game: Someone reads out loud from a famous fic like The Office or Wide Awake and you take turns acting out scenes with cardboard Edward. Since there is a New Moon Cardboard Ed & a Twi version, it’ll be like he changed clothes (unlike you who is stuck in the same thing for four days).

• Transcribe New Moon by hand into a leather-bound notebook as a gift to Rob since it’s his favorite book. Get Solomon to sign it.

• Knit something for Rob in hopes that it will be better than anything Kristen has knit for him

• Comb the dictionary for every word you believe could be used to describe Rob

• Paint your nails so that each finger has a detailed picture of a cast member- Edward-Bella-Jacob-Alice-Charlie-The Wolves- The Cullens-the Humans-The Volturi- The bad Vamps- 10!

• Reorganize your entire Itunes library into Rob or New Moon appropriate categories. “Songs that make me think of Rob.” “Songs that make me hate Kristen.” “Songs that make me wish Solomon Trimble was in the 2nd movie” OR “Songs that make me wish Solmon Trimble would move ahead of me in line and hit on the girl over there.” You could also change all the genres around. Examples: Instead of “Rock” it could be “Songs I wanna eff Rob to.” Instead of “Indie ballads” it could be “Songs I played the day I finally believed that Rob was actually dating Kristen.” Instead of “Garage band music” it could be “Bands that are horrible but still better than 100 monkeys”

After the jump, check out what people on Twitter said THEY would add to the list!

FanFiction and Twilight: Do we or Don’t we

Confession found on PostSecret.blogspot.com (click)

Dear Twilight,

I’ve learned a lot because of you.  I know that despite not having a real celebrity crush for 25 years of my life, it just took a book about vampires & an attractive male lead to bring out my inner teenager. I learned that people other than my geeky cousin can find friends on the Internet & that most some people aren’t weirdos. And I learned what in the world FanFiction was. That’s right- up until we started LTT & LTR I had never even heard of Fan Fiction.

I know you’ve probably been wondering why Moon or I have never discussed FFic on LTT. We’re grown-women. We say bad words & talk about naughty things- why aren’t we openly discussing how turned on we get when Jasper makes Bella feel attracted to him and then they get it on while Edward and Esme do it in the kitchen after he reads her mind and sees that him preparing a morning omelet makes her hot? Welllll…I’m kinda ashamed. And for a long time I pushed it off even thought we were getting emails with FF links sent to us on a daily basis. Then finally, after reading Breaking Dawn my 3rd time through and getting frustrated w/ SMeyer’s Fade to Black, I looked up some good ol’ Isle Esme FanFic. And man, was it good! It’s my “thing” that I do when a TwiVirgin finishes the series. I send her an e-mail with the link and a simple “You’re welcome.” No explanation. They thank me. Always.

Now words like “Wide awake,” “lemons,” “unicorn,” and “Domward” are regular parts of my vocabulary. Seriously. Oftentimes 10 times a day I’ll yell, “DOMWARD, I’m Wide Awake & I want some lemony unicorns.” No I don’t. And I’ve probably read a total of 3 FF since my initial jump into non-fade to black territory (and started and never finished countless others). I think most (not all) FanFiction is horribly written, most is incredibly cheesy, most say “unconditionally & irrevocably” way too often, and most are a waste of time. But the select few I’ve read that meet my strict “This Twilight FanFic better not suck” guidelines have been amazing. And I don’t regret reading them (even though I’m still ashamed.)

I’m not going to review the FanFic I have read- there are plenty of other sites for that. I’m not even really going to tell you what I have read cuz it’s not really important, but I am going to explore the FanFic phenomenon with the help of some amazing LTT readers.

After the jump, check out the survey I did with: Brooke, Mrs. P, Veddersgirl, Kristin, Too_Far_gone, Marta, Gozde, Vickyb, Jbell, Southfriend and Moon PLUS some special FanFic thoughts from two girls anti FanFic: janetrigs & limeslice

Pledging to LTT

Dear LTT Pledges,

The Twilight Sisterhood has been having pledge month this June & we thought of how amazing it would be if we did that here at LTT.

We’re pretty easy-going Sisters, and we only require one task from the following list of initiations to be achieved in order to be accepted into our sorority:

• 

  Yep, make him take off the monkey costume & run around nude with him

  Streak naked at a 100Monkey’s show and get Marty, the bananager, to join you. Yell “JASPER” at the top of your lungs the entire time.

• Eat only Twilight conversation hearts for breakfast lunch and dinner ’till you’re rushed to the hospital with sudden onset diabetes.
• Insist that all band aids you receive while AT the hospital be Hot Topic Twilight band aids.
• Head on over to a neighboring sorority or frat and rip a tree (roots intact) out of the ground while screaming “AS IF YOU COULD FIGHT ME OFF.”
• Act out chapter 32 of Wide Awake fan fiction with a male friend, at a church pot luck. In a park. Against a tree. (yep, it’s that chapter)
• Read the mind of the hottest guy at work or school & write down his thoughts in Edward’s calligraphy (And if his thought happens to be “Be Safe”– you’ll get something extra special. Like Sam Bradley’s email address)
• Run miles around a high school wearing a gray peacoat only stopping when you see a van approaching. Stop it with your hand, even if it’s just pulling into a parking spot, safely.
• 

  For extra credit, you & Kristen could also become the newest spokeswomen for PBR

  Invite & successfully get Kristen Stewart to join you at a Nascar race where you will ALSO need to have a mullet, like she currently has, and drink Pabst Blue Ribbons until you strip off your clothes and do a ho photoshoot on Dale Jr’s hood (that’s what she said).

• Buy a Volvo. Drive from New York to Forks, WA in 12 hours or under while making home-made mushroom ravioli (I don’t wanna hear that this is impossible to do while driving. Figure it out)
• Kill, filet & bread a mountain lion in Harry Clearwater’s famous fish fry (fine- if you can’t find Harry’s fish fry, you can use whatever your local market sells)

Good luck and may the best pledges win!

Love your favorite sisters,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

Thanks to: Kristen, EastFriend, WestFriend & Moon, for without you I would have to stay up much later

a secret message about how rob will love you forever if you pick our name

Name our sorority: We’re serious. We want a name for our sorority. Even though it’s kinda a pretend sorority. Who cares. Name contest happening NOW. Leave your ideas in the comments. Winner gets automatic entrance into this kinda fake, but sorta real sorority. And first crack at Rob at our first frat/sorority mixer.

a secret message about how rob will love you forever if you pick our name

Introducing: Blurbs from the Forum topic Mods.

We had some weird forum issues this week. Kristin emailed and said this:

Good news is though, my whole gateway 504 issue is resolved! I was apparently riding the techno short bus…now I’m all up to speed and I even get to have recess with the normal kids! yay!

and Calliope, who apparently did not have the same “Gateway 504” issues with the forum said this:

this is me shaking my head up and down and smiling at you and pretending to have even the slightest effing clue as to what you are talking about while i’m mentally undressing rob.

a secret message about how rob will love you forever if you pick our name

What’s going on in our world? The following:

• Rob has a question for us over on LTR
• The Forum is buzzing with activity. Wanna see why? Check it
• Follow us on Twitter & help us get to 2,000 followers this weekend!
• Lauren from Lauren’s Bite is hosting a give-away. GO WIN
• I have a wedgie so far up my butt I’m not sure it’s ever gonna come out (not true- just seeing if anyone reads this far…..crickets….)

To Michael Oregano:

cute little italian spice

Dear Michael Arangano,

Hey. I know I haven’t been the nicest to you in the past, so I’m writing to apologize. Plus you’re kinda cute in this picture, and that’s the first time I’ve thought that. So good job.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling kinda bad for you with all the tweens of the world hoping for a KStew + RPattz hook-up and all. That’s really gotta suck, especially when you’re competing with this guy. 

this guy is hotter than you, just sayin'

So, I wanna let you know I’m on your side. I’m really, really hoping you and Kristen pull through all the drama and the (at least) two more Twilight-saga  movies she’s gotta do and stay in love ‘n stuff. And I’m not just saying that b/c I’m selfish and want her to keep her grimey little hands off of Rob.  Well, I’m 90% saying that b/c I don’t want her touching Rob, but 10% of me just doesn’t want to see true love fail, ya know?

I know what you’re asking. Why now, UnintendedChoice? Why all the love when all this time you’ve made fun of me for how I look, for the fact that I was in Seabiscuit and called me Michael Oregano? It’s a fair question because I didn’t think this day would come, but I kind of got a glimpse of how you feel on a daily basis with all this Kris/Rob shizzat when I saw this picture last night: 

they were just playing 'sleep-over' no, she was helping him wax his chest, no, they were in alaska in the wilderness and he took off her shirt to save her life...

Those are some CRAZY fans with CRAZY photoshopping skillz. (Source) and I’ll be honest, for a split second I thought it was real (and his hair is SHORT, so you know it was recent) until I realized Perez posted that pic of his face last week.

So, I feel awful for you (and for me- how do you think I feel seeing Rob in bed with a ho beautiful young woman?) and wanted to let you know I’m on Team Michael Oregano (it’s a cute name, I’m not stopping, take what you can get) Oh- and yesterday I randomly came across Robert/Kristen fan fiction (yep, not Edward/Bella fan fiction, but a love story about ROBERT AND KRISTEN) No, I will not post the link because it’s too 2nd hand embarassing (well, it’s 90% b/c it’s 2nd hand embarassing and 10% because I’m embarassed that I read all 9 chapters at work.)

Also, I wanted to let you know that apparently Kristen is preggers, although I think it’s probably Michael Welch’s baby. You know he and Kristen were playing “Bella decides to stay human and has a boring life with Mike Newton” in her trailer.

please inform your gf that her hand looks like a man's hand

K bye,
UnintendedChoice