New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!

(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)


Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut


Bella, I have to leave, these orthopedic shoes are killing me

The one where Edward loves Murder She Wrote
Calliope: “Bella I’m dressed like your grandfather so you have to listen to me when I tell you not to be reckless”
UC: “Bella, Do you see these shoes? These are old man shoes, they mean business”
Moon: “I’ve even got Wuthers Originals in my pocket so you know I’m being serious”
Calliope: “this jacket might be tweed. Tweed is serious Bella. I am serious.”
UC: “I even have a jitterbug phone & I desire to be a college professor so I’m leaving you”
Moon: “And don’t do ANYTHING stupid while I’m away. Here have a Wurthers and lets watch Matlock”

The one about Freedom

Just like George Micheal sang: FREEEDDDOOMM!! Oh FREEDOM!

Just like George Micheal sang: FREEEDDDOOMM!! Oh FREEDOM!

Calliope: distraught bella has sexy hair. she ditches the headband
UC: yes… she’s like.. fine.. I’ll make a wolf have a boner. Headband Bella is gone, boner Bella is here
Calliope: I bet edward made her wear the headband. REBELLION!!!!!!!!!!!!
UC: and Jasper made her feel like she wanted to wear it. FREEDOM!
Calliope: VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
Calliope: she also bought much cooler shirts to wear as distraught Bella

The one with Yorkie and the Beard

Skip to my loo my yorkieeee

Skip to my loo my yorkieeee

Moon: I was gonna draw our attention to :38 Yorkie and Angela holding bhands!
Calliope: i knowwwwwww she’s such a beard
Moon: i mean dont they know thats supposed to be Angela and Ben Cheney?! HELLOOO! Next to the charcoal volvo! FAIL
Calliope: charcoal is the new silver
Moon: suv is the new panty dropper
Calliope: and everyone knows she’s his beard because they are SWINGING their hands, the span of that swing SCREAMS beard
Moon: and the fact that they’re heading towards the “tool shack” Forks’ premier gay bar
UC: For those of us that do not know what a beard is but can only image, can you enlighten?
Calliope: a beard, my darling, is someone who poses as the girlfriend/boyfriend for some reason… usually its because the person is gay

The one about sudden onset orgasms and the Sleep Number Bed

Gimme an OOOOHH!!

Gimme an OOOOHH!!

UC: do you think she’s having a really scary orgasm? Like it’s so intense she just screams out of terror
Moon: in the bed? Or the woods?
UC: both, it’s so good that it starts in the woods then continues in the bed
Moon: maybe she just has sudden onset orgasms
Moon: and edwards like dude i dont even have to do anything she just HAS them
UC: it’s convenient…. for him especially during those times of month
Moon: no work necessary
Moon: the scream is awkward: like UHHH uhgggggh AHHHH
Calliope: i’m just glad we can clearly see that bella has a fullsized bed. Did anyone else ever wonder? I could never tell. Scream is awkward… but epic.
UC: it’s hard to take it seriously in this little clip
Moon: I may have to add that to my Bella repertoire: so I’ve got the hospital scene, the eyebrow and now the scream

Are you a hard or soft?

Are you a hard or soft?

UC: So what’s the context of the screaming? Is it because of Edward? Or is there a spider in her bed? Does she have cramps?
Calliope: maybe she just really hates the mattress, too lumpy
Calliope: she likes it HARD
Moon: thats what she said
UC: Yeah… she thought she was a #37, but turns out she’s an #88
Moon: Bellas pissed about her new sleep number bed
Moon: instead of a camera and scrapbook she got a sleep number bed for her birthday
UC: orgasm, bed bugs, wrong # on the sleep # bed… the movie is just gonna be a big ol’ advertisement for sleep #

Calliope: UC, maybe we should go to the sleep number store tomorrow after lunch and test out the beds
UC: i think we should
UC: maybe we can take our panera on a picnic on the bed
Calliope: and see if that really does happen if we put it on the wrong number
UC: watch out.. i might attack you if we’re in the same bed
Moon: and do THE SCREAM

The one where Anna Kendrick isn’t dedicated

The REAL Jessica Stanley

The REAL Jessica Stanley

Moon: its nice that jessica stanley is still bitch enough to taunt a mentally unstable person
UC: i really do wish for the curly haired afro jessica though. Another FAIL
Calliope: haha
UC: i don’t care about the Volvo, I don’t care about the kitchen cabinets, but NOT giving jessica a curly afro? FAIL
Moon: she was curly hair in the book?
UC: yes and i imaged her with a dark curly afro
Moon: dang! UC gets the Twi nerd of the day award
Calliope: anna kendrick is not dedicated to her craft. KStew would gotten a perm to play jessica
UC: i’ll find you a picture (to the right)
Calliope: anna kendrick bought a flat iron
UC: Nikki would have too
Moon: kstew would definitely have permed the mullet just so she could BE Jessica. Embody the character of Jessica. And then made out with nikki because in her mind jessica is a secret lesbian

The one about the sounds of cliff diving

Is this a game of Frogger?!

Is this a game of Frogger?!

Moon: the good thing is if bella needs a job she could always be one of those mexican cliff divers. The whole drowning thing might bum out the tourists but its an option
UC: listen to the sound effect when she jumps in
Moon: that’s the sound that plays when you just got shot in laser tag and your vest is disabled
UC: sounds like Pacman or some arcade game
Calliope: i always hear that sound when i jump into water off of cliffs you don’t?
UC: do you think they just went to dave & busters for their sound effects? Had to save a buck because Kristen demanded a REAL sleep-number bed to act the scene?
Moon: Actually, Chris Weitz found his old Atari gaming system in the garage and was like lets use this shiz! Summit was pumped cause they saved a few bucks

The one where Jacob cops a feel during CPR

Hello lips... you look like you could use a kiss

Hello lips... you look like you could use a kiss

UC: mother EFF. Look at the kid when he says “what the hell were you thinking?” Kiss her. DO it. damnit
Moon: is he looking at her lips?
UC: yes
Moon: HOT, do it!!
Moon: CPR/make out aka cardio pulminary make out
Calliope: haha maybe he was hoping she wasn’t breathing
UC: that’s why he’s mad “what the hell were you thinking? jumping in a cliff, getting me all wet & cold.. and not even stopping your breathing.. i wanna kiss damnit”
Calliope: so he could cope that feel once again

Here let me touch your boobs... i mean your heart

Here let me touch your boobs... i mean your heart

Moon: the chest compressions would mean he could touch her boobs. Bella comes to and shes like why are you massaging my boobs when my heart needs compressions?
Calliope: i bet his next line is … i promise i’m not this small … its just the cold water
thats what the shocked look is
UC: she’s like.. ‘dang… is that it?”
Calliope: she felt something…. but really she felt nothing
Moon: it was a stick in his pocket from the la push beach
Calliope: that’s what he told her
Moon: talk about disappointment
Calliope: jacobs peen is FAIL
UC: and Edward’s peen is missing. So what’s a girl gotta do? Get it on by herself in her sleep number bed
Calliope: OHHHHHHHHHHH thats why she was screaming- she was takin care of business by herself

The one where Edward and Jacob use the swears

Oh HALE NAH you don't!

Oh HALE NAH you don't!

Moon: lets talk edward cursing shall we? Whats with the make up when edward cusses? His head looks like its from a diff body
UC: he looks like Drag Edward/Eddie who says sexy things. They airbrushed his head to match his abs
Moon: like oh no one will notice we ran out of make up and didnt vamp him out
Calliope: if you freeze frame “you can go to hell” edward… he looks like shit

Moon: When she says “Edward im scared” – thats her first time
UC: yes.. that is her first time, you’re right
Calliope: they did a whole lot more than walkin in those volturi hallways under the cape
UC: Edward copped a feel
Moon: tracing the lips. Ahem!

The one where Moon is excited for Billy Burke



UC: um WHO is behind charlie in the tree? cuz that person I’d also like to bang. just cuz
Moon: everyone keeps saying Victoria
Calliope: victoria
UC: yeah.. I’d do her
Moon: you know billy burke is pumped he’s in the trailer. His copstache is famous! I’m surprised he didn’t drunk tweet about it
Calliope: moon, you’re also pumped he is in the trailer! I heard you gasp “Charlie!” So dont’ deny
Moon: i totes yelled CHARLIE, like a dork! And I also yelled “THAT’S NOT SILVER” when the volvo was on but you couldnt hear that on the video
Calliope: love that billy burke got all excited about being in the trailer
Moon: he totally celebrated with a 6-er of vitamin R and a couple mustache rides

The one where we wonder things…

You guys, how do my boobs look in this?!

You guys, how do my boobs look in this?!

Calliope: Can we talk about two scenes that confuse the EF out of me… and they are back to back
Calliope: minute 2:45 Bella in the bed in the sexy walmart cami with edward sitting by… and then the next scene where she’s in the italy shirt but in front of bushes. WHERE DO THOSE play into this shit? The bushes scene doesn’t make sense at all… she wouldn’t find bushes like that in italy in the middle of stone buildings, I know I was there, damnit
Moon: are there bushes in Italian piazzas? Not last time i was there
Calliope: exactly
Moon: maybe it’s bella’s limited wardrobe. I mean she has the khaki skirt and the ugly jacket and its cold in the NW so she cant wear the slutty top every day
Calliope: maybe they have a shopping sequence at the airport mall and the curtains for the dressing room were made of bushes?
UC: ooh that sounds right. At La Perla
Moon: right, a shopping montage for the hell of it to stock up on essential underthings for her reunion with Edward
UC: La Perla dressing rooms have a jungle theme
Calliope: makes sense jungle theme for bush covering items. I said it, yep
Moon: do you love us yet TBY789?!?
UC: she wanted Alice & Edward to see if her new bra made her look ‘perky’ in her button down shirt
Moon: and since garter belts are hard to run in she needed some new undies
Calliope: hence the running attack out of the curtains, she had to test them out
Moon: solved! la perla has jungle themed dressing rooms

Calliope: sometimes i think it might actually be a dream sequence like she dreams of running to find him in that shirt
UC: how many times have you watched this? So that you could consider it “sometimes” cuz… you might need help, i’m not sure yet
Calliope: i told you it bothered me
Moon: the lunch time meeting at the sleep number store tomorrow is actually a ruse, Calli. UC is taking you to an intervention
UC: yes I am. We are starting a ‘Obesssed with the Twilight trailer” anonymous group tomorrow
Calliope: holler! will there be refreshments at the intervention? That’s the only way i’ll go
if they have the little bottles
Moon: yes and sleep number bed consultations
Calliope: i’m a kid and the kids love those little bottles
Moon: you’ll also learn how to make a kitty meeeooowww

What number are you?!

What number are you?!

Moon: what was your other conundrum?
Calliope: the part right before that bella in her walmart tank in bed with Eddie looking on another dream? reality? she looks PISSED.
Moon: is that the proposal?
Calliope: or like she just asked for sex and he said No
Moon: or he re-adjusted her sleep number while she was sleeping and it woke her up and she was pissed. Cause he likes it HARD

And with that we draw this LONG break down to a close!! What did you think? Favorite part of the trailer and who has a Sleep Number Bed?

Special Thanks to the awesome Calli (Twi-theater mod and all around swell gal) for bringing the awesome! Everytime!

Rediscover the Rob butterflies at LTR
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PS In honor of Patrick Swayze revisit one of my favorite posts ever: No one puts Bella in a corner!

182 Responses

  1. Um wow that was epic.
    Spontaneous orgasms??
    Isn’t that actually a real medical condition? haha
    You know I actually forced my brother to watch the trailer (which I have downloaded to my iPhone so as to ensure plentiful viewing) and he laughe his head off when B screamed and called her a “f*cking retard”.
    Cos that scream IS kinda weird. Screams should be high-pitched.


    • It’s the same scream she had after she was bitten by James. It bothered me then and it bothers me now. Frankly it sounded like she was enjoying that bite a little *too* much. I can only conclude either that KStew does not know what screaming is OR that she is not a screamer when she and Rob are doing the deed… because wouldn’t he tell her that she should save those noises for their *private* time?

      • Ok I am taking a stand here..(not really, still on the couch…but you get my point) Lets leave KSTEW alone on this one…I mean a scream is a scream…as I have said before..I think I said it before…IS NOT EDWARD LEAVING as painful if not more or equal to being hurled across broken glass/bittenbyavamp/slammed in the head ???(THIS I CAN VOUCH FOR BELIEVE ME)!! So I ask…can the scream NOT be the same?? Can we not give the girl a break this one time?? You should hear my screams everytime I watch the movie and he gives me “the look” that sends me over the edge.. You would be giving Kstew an award…believe me you would…truth!

        • I’m willing to concede, because really it’s not so much that the scream didn’t sound like an uncontrollable exclamation of some sort, it just makes me really, really, uncomfortable to hear it.

      • LOL

        “she was enjoying that bite a little *too* much”
        That’s What I thought too

    • I laughed at the scream too. It does sound just like the scream after she was bitten by James, and both screams sound like a pig being slaughtered. She needs to work on the scream.

      • That scream always bugged me until I realized it was the same sound I made while giving birth without an epidural. Guttural and pure torture. So NOT orgasmic!
        PS. Always get the epidural ladies.

        • It’s funny you said that, about the giving birth, cuz when my husband saw this, he said, “oh, is this the part where she has the half breed baby?”

          Poor guy, not a clue we are still 2 more movies away from that…

    • its so the james scream! good call

  2. This is the best breakdown of the trailer EVER!!! I must admit though when Bella is in the water and she sees Edward and is pulled outta the water…totes made my eyes water up…the BEST part of al…Edward cussing!!! Oh Hale yea!!!! 😀

    • Something from “The List.” Get Edward to say Fuck. (Or something like that)

    • i LOVED that part! so beautiful too… good job chris! i cant wait to cry on the 20th!

    • Yes, that’s the one scene that really felt like a heartbreaker…wistful Bella longing for the image of Edward…

      But what’s with his makeup in this movie? Why are his eyes yellow and blodshot all the time? Bad contacts? Not to mention the sideburns and the dad-tweed…is he trying to ease the breakup for Bella? “You won’ t miss me, really: look, I’m hideous!”

  3. I may or may not of shouted “YEAH!” when Bella pops Sam(?) in the face. And then again when he phases into a believeable wolf and not a loony toons wolf.

    And at the very end when Bella is screaming at the Volturi and one of them (I know, I forget their names) picks Edward up by his head, swings him around, and slams his ass down on the stairs? Yup. That’s some good stuff.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed that Edward looks like he got run over by a truck. I know he’s distraught and all, but yikes! It looks like Rob is wearing a $10 Halloween Edward mask.

    • “I may or may not of shouted “YEAH!” when Bella pops Sam(?) in the face. And then again when he phases into a believeable wolf and not a loony toons wolf.”

      Best part we haven’t seen!!! Wolves as big as horses!

      • I assumed Bella slugged Paul and he phased, then comes the Jacob phase from the other trailer, and then they go bicker in the woods like in the book.

        I loooove how they made Edward all haggard looking in the Italy scene. He’s about to end his existence cuz he thinks the love of his life is dead for cryin’ out loud.

        And about those gold contacts… yeah, I admit I think they suck. The color just seems too weird. And there had better be a sexy hungry-eyed Edward at some point in the movie…

    • It looks like Rob is wearing a $10 Halloween Edward mask.

      WIN!!! where can i buy this mask?! same as the wig? would make for hilarious times scaring the crap out of uc!

      • “I may or may not of shouted “YEAH!” when Bella pops Sam(?) in the face. And then again when he phases into a believeable wolf and not a loony toons wolf.”

        …Doesn’t Bella punch a werewolf in the face in Eclipse?
        That is where the Bella-Emmett lines come from…

  4. I’ll touch Jasper’s special power . . .

    I heart Wurther’s!! Not grandpa food!

    I often wonder why the Cullen’s eyes had to be gold. Seriously? It kinda looks wicked weird. Especially in the “go to hell” still.

    My favorite part of the trailer is when Bella is under water and Edward is next to her upside down and her hand moves through his head and he disappears. Pretty awesome.


    • I agree… I can’t wait to see the movie, I think Chris seems to have done a fantabulous job with bringing in the Edward halucinations… much creepier than just hearing his voice.

    • I agree about these new golden eyes. It makes them look like reptiles. I cannot imagine how that lot of reptile-eyed folks could pass only as a weird Cullen family in Forks high.

    • WHY are his eyes gold? If he hasn’t fed in MONTHS shouldn’t they be black?

      Or did I miss something in the book?

      • Right! That has bothered me for days…how hard is it to switch contacts ppl?!
        Work with me!

      • No, Sass, you are correct. That’s what I thought, too, after I started calling him Crackheadward and everyone told me he was just really hungry. If he’s so hungry why does he have yellow eyes? Hrmph!

        I also agree with Gizmo that with eyes *that* freaky it’s a wonder they are able to blend in anywhere.

        Now that I’ve bitched about it, though, I have to admit that I think the yellow eyes look really cool.

        • I could care less what his eyes look like…long as they are looking my way….BUT those RED contacts are toooo ooogly…I mean talk about overdone…maybe they will be better in the actual movie??? One can only hope…AND maybe someone can explain how it is these Volturi (sp?) live in Italy if they are so obviously creepy & red eyed???

          • I think (and someone who has read the books more than once feel free to correct me) that the Volturi have lived in Volterra, Italy for thousands of years. The old guys rarely leave the house and if they need ‘food’ someone brings it to them. They have at least one human minion that we know of, and one vampire minion that lures folks in for the eating. If they need to go out and hide their freaky eyes they can always go with sunglasses, or for short periods of time, colored contacts.

      • Dang it, he forgot to change contacts! LOL I never noticed that before!

      • awww man… i was impressed with how shitty he looked, like he was really hungry and depressed and stuff. and now his gold eyes are gonna bother me. uuuuuugh.

      • Spot on! I’ ve been thinking about it too – such a wee thing, why couldn’t they get it right…

  5. Wow… that WAS an epic breakdown of the trailer. I love how you split it up into episodes a la Friends.

    And have you guys really never screamed and convulsed like that while pleasuring yourself on a sleep number bed???? Yeesh you’re really missing out there

    • I haven’t. However, I plan on doing that today at the Sleep # store with Calliope during lunch

    • Well, perhaps she was reading some of that fan fic I’ve discovered… If that stuff doesn’t make you scream (in a good way) then NOTHING will. OMG!!!!

      PS: Even the hubbs, who makes fun of me and suggested TA (Twilight Anonymous) is crushing on Fan Fic)

    • the one were we talked A LOT!!

      ps hubs should be forever grateful for FF. hahaha

      • He is. Oh, he is 🙂

        He remarked tonight that he has benfitted from my new obsession… I knew I could convince him if I just stayed the course. HA

  6. “I’ll make a wolf have a boner.”

    Love that! Hot coffee came out of my nose. Good thing I’m alone @ work right now…

  7. “Calliope: I bet edward made her wear the headband.”
    He also made her wear a catholic school girls outfitt w/ braids in her hair. Cos Eddie is 108 and he likes ’em young.

    • I’ve said it before…he’s Wooderson from Dazed and Confused…

      “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

      All right, all right, all right. Keep on L-I-V-I-N.

    • catholic schoolgirl reference *shivers* (although, if you think about it, he never “outgrew” his adolescence. Remember the vamp children? Apparently they got stuck in whatever their mental development stage was, which saves Eddie from being a creepie grandpa that goes after young bods)

  8. Excellent breakdown girls 🙂

    “Go to hell” Edward looks hungry and angry and pretty rubbish.

    But I would still hit that.


    • Isn’t he supposed to look pretty rubbish because of the whole wanting to die and thinking Bella is dead element?

      Actually, who cares, Rob’s got no shirt on…

      • Would he not want to look his best when he’s going to meet Bella to live happily ever after in heaven? Dead Bella would not be amused!

        • he’s going to hell anyway, so does it matter?

          • Good Catholic girl willing to go to the dark side if Edward is waiting there to welcome me….ok crosses myself and looks up “Only kidding”….like I said good Catholic Girl….scared shizless..

          • Didn’t he kinda confess right after Bella jumped into his arms that he thought he went to heaven after all? Part of him did believe he had a soul. Bella couldn’t resist pointing that out. I feel so Twi-nerdy right now.

            Anyway, I agree with all of you about him having to look like shit. I’m just being annoying here :p.

          • and TammyO is guarding the gates of HALE, so he didn’t feel the need to dress up!

      • @shleeeigh – glad you remembered the important stuff: SHIRTLESS ROB!

  9. Hahaha, best breakdown ever! Jacob’s peen is fail… LMAO!

    Maybe she’s running by the bushes in the forest when Edward leaves her? Like, she shrugs off the camel coat she’s wearing when he tells her, persecutes him, gives up, picks her coat back up and collapses there to obtain the desired drama effect, without actually freezing to death?

    Okay… I like your theory better.

  10. “I’ve even got Wuthers Originals in my pocket so you know I’m being serious”

    So reminds me of my grandpa.

    When Edward says “You can go to hell” he does look shitty. But that is how it should be. He was on the edge of death. The last step of dying is acceptance and he was so there!

    Still so verry, verryy hott!

  11. GTH Edward looks like he has a mullet. Obviously, proof that he & Kstew are hitting it since they are sharing hairstyles.

  12. Oh, and “stay for me” Jacob…hot dayum. Since I don’t live in GA, when does he turn 18?

  13. Oh ladies that was amazeballs! 🙂 I have to say, my favorite part was Grandpa Edward. Tweed is serious Bella.

    I have to think that Edwari does looks shitty because they want him to look extremely anguished, and on the verge of death. How ever it bothers me that it looks like he KNOWINGLY wears lipstick, because when he is NOT on the verge of death his lips look very much like the “red grape” cover girl outlast that I have. So is Edward putting on lipstick every day to not appear cold and blue and…dead….and just didn’t care enough when he was in italy, since he was there to die and all????
    I just had this revolation, its 808am and I haven’t had any coffee. I win.

  14. Um.. I unfortunately cannot watch the VMA’s extended trailer because all of the new “extended” scenes creep me out and I get all kinds of shudders. And I just realized it has a lot to do with folks’ hairdos. First, the cafeteria scene – Newton’s new hairdo, then the go-to-hell Eddie’s face AND hairdo, I still can’t exactly put my finger on it (that’s what she said).
    And the winner is the Demetri’s hairdo! What’s up with that?! Did anyone else notice that ridiculous do? And the hilarity of the sight of Demetri and Felix together? New Moon’s own Gayville.
    And you girls are on to something.. Bella’s scream has the potential of becoming New Moon’s next hospital scene.

  15. hehe. that is all you get out of me today cause i am sick.

  16. Seinfeld reference? A shoutout to Charlie’s glorious copstache? Pointing out Jasper’s ill-mentioned power AND the lack of Ben Cheney? Reference to fanfic?

    This might just be the perfect post!

  17. I like the trailer. Your dailoge is better. This likes a good movie. Great work and wit.

  18. I’m in love with this post, with every random bit of it!!!especially with boner Bella and the Wuthers Originals. Hahaha
    I can totally picture in myself in some mouldy retirement center swooning over a 75-year-old Wuthers Rob gracing our screens during the Days of our lives-breaks, while slapping my neighbour with my stick for trying to steal my camouflaged liquor, before continuing to work on the Cullen crest embroidery for my apron. There are definitely some good times ahead.

  19. I can’t help but think that the folks working on New Moon might have serious color issues. In addition to charcoal being the new silver (LMAO), I have a feeling dark green might be the new blue. Bella wears an awful lot of dark green around Ed (birthday dress, Italy – bush shirt). And we all know Ed loves blue, I mean dark green, on Bella.

  20. I love reading these long rambling conversations. I can relate to them, as I’m sure you can imagine. Totally hilar today, ladies.

    Also, THANK YOU for saying this:
    Calliope: if you freeze frame “you can go to hell” edward… he looks like shit

    Everyone’s been all swoony over that part and I’m like really? Dude looks diseased and zombie-like. And he has some weird shaggy haircut. Not a fan :X

  21. Copstache…that’s the scene where Harry Clearwater has his heartattack isn’t it? Doesn’t she jump out of the trees or something while they are hunting the “bears” in the woods and thus Harry dying?

    Great breakdown. I looked into getting a sleep number bed…but you have to have tools and an air pump and it was just too complicated BUUUUUUUTTT if you get O’s from one THAT hard, I should reall reconsider.

    • Oh, you’re so right! Harry Clearwater sees Victoria in the woods! That explains it.

    • Somebody read the leaked script! Now I don’t feel so lame. So much for purity. I totally know where every scene comes from. Including her running out of the bushes.

      • HAHA! That’s not in the book?

        I fail!!! And yes, I did read the script.

        Sad I remember more from the script than I do the actual book.

  22. ROTFLMAO! This is one of the best break downs yet! LMAO! My fave parts:

    “Moon: I’ve even got Wuthers Originals in my pocket so you know I’m being serious”

    —–Ok, this is going to get me through this moment because I’m going to be thinking about Wuthers Originals instead of the massive amounts of kleenexes I’ll be going through! LOL!

    “Calliope: a beard, my darling, is someone who poses as the girlfriend/boyfriend for some reason… usually its because the person is gay”

    —–LMAO! I had never heard of this so thanks for the explanation, LOL!

    “UC: do you think she’s having a really scary orgasm? Like it’s so intense she just screams out of terror
    Moon: in the bed? Or the woods?
    UC: both, it’s so good that it starts in the woods then continues in the bed”

    “Moon: Bellas pissed about her new sleep number bed”

    —-Actually, I bet she ordered a sparklepeen when Edward left and she’s pissed about how small it is!

    “The real Jessica Stanley”

    “Moon: that’s the sound that plays when you just got shot in laser tag and your vest is disabled”

    “Moon: or he re-adjusted her sleep number while she was sleeping and it woke her up and she was pissed. Cause he likes it HARD”

  23. wtf was up with the motorcycle scene where it shows two people on a motorcycle speeding down a street at night? I can’t place that scene anywhere…

    • Remember in the book when she goes to the movies with Jessica and Bella comes across those bikers and they ask her if she wants a ride and she gets on one and then she sees Edward telling her not to do it? At least I think that’s how it played out. It’s been so long since I read it and I’ve only read NM once.

    • It’s a scene added to the movie. When Bella and Jessica go to the movies to Port Angeles and she sees those guys in front of a bar and hears Edward’s voice for the first time. Apparently, in the movie, she gets on a motorcycle with one of them.

      • Did this happen in the book to? If not I’m totally screwed up! LOL! But that’s normal!

        • This did not happen in the book. I don’t think they even had bikes in the book. She just confronted them, heard Edward, said something to them and walked away and Jessica was pissed!

          No worries, it’s normal! 🙂

  24. Oh. Emm. Gee. Epic.

    “I have Wurthers Originals in my pocket so you know I’m being serious”

    “I bet Edward made her wear the head band….REBELLION”

    So FREAKIN funny…..I died this morning. Such a great break down…..break downs are my fav anyway, but this was above and beyond!

    ps. I think the part where she is running out of the La Perla dressing room is not to test the garter belts… was because they just announced over the loud speaker that the Men’s Wearhouse was having their BIG Clearance sale on Tweed Jackets…..she’s gotta get one for Eddy just in case he comes back….I don’t think they have Men’s Wearhouse in South America. The scream is just plain weird….maybe in the context of the movie it will be great, but….ummm don’t know about that. When I watched the trailer on the VMA’s…..during that part my husband was like….”Why the hell is she doing that….it makes me really uncomfortable”……I laughed my ass off….now I can’t watch that scene without thinking of his commentary. genius.

    • Oh, and I might have a slight crush on Charlie…..I mean the mustache alone warrants it, but the drunk tweets throw it over the edge. And I was glad to see in the trailer that the Forks Po po dept. are doing the same stellar job they did in Twilight…..”IT IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!”…..idiots. 😉

    • “…it was because they just announced over the loud speaker that the Men’s Wearhouse was having their BIG Clearance sale on Tweed Jackets…..”
      LMAO That explanation just SO matches her face!

    • I can’t speak for ALL of South America, but I don’t believe there are ANY Men’s Wearhouses in Brasil, and isn’ that where he went?

  25. You know that Buttcrack Santa (né Ned Bellamy) appeared on three episodes of Matlock, right? And one of those episodes was with Patrick Swayze’s brother. He also appeared on one episode of Seinfeld, but it wasn’t the shrinkage episode. It’s like Ned Bellamy is the thread that holds together my universe.

    I hate myself a lot for knowing these things, but I can’t just pretend I don’t.

  26. “I’ll make a wolf have a boner” – this is my favorite line EVER!!! You guys crack me up every single day! Love ya!

  27. Wurthers….for serious.

    Is it just me, or does Robward look like Joaquin Phoenix in the, “You can go to hell.” part???

    ‘Calliope: this jacket might be tweed. Tweed is serious Bella. I am serious.’
    Sounds what I said to my kids this morning…

    Pros3: “You might be crossing the line. Listen to my voice, look at my face, it’s serious. I am serious. Can you tell that I’m serious, cause I’m am.”

    Hey Calli…”Are you surrrrrrrrrre?” Still lol…omg. xo

  28. Geez Ladies?…way to start my day off …for the non-readers (all 10 of them) ….. ;( Although I admit to skimming this a.m and of course looking (staring) at all the pics and yes watching (several more times) the trailer!

    Really taxed the ole brain but laughing all the way..
    I have enjoyed the trailer soooo much..way too much..indecently too much..and now that I have it taped from the VMA’s (gag) I can see it on the “big” screen” such a thrill…and use slow mo to watch every sec of it…I am proud of this btw…
    My fav’s…definately the cliff dive…so much better special effects…love the fade of Edward (its like my worst nightmare posted for all to close..yet so far)…..and the wolves look sooo good compared to the original trailer that was a big “fail” imo.. The makeup….ok so this time they spent money on a real person(s) to do it instead of handing each actor a multi-color maybeline kit ” with instruction to “go for it”…I think that is why Bella actually looks half dead after the water dive..Yes Edward looks like crap as he should..poor guy…(wanna just hold him close and make him forget too young inexperienced Bella) he IS really old after all..Charcoal volvo=fail…even I know its not the right color….sleep number bed..hey if that bed can get me Ed/Rob..I am taking out a loan and burning my couch for sure…I personally love the whole screaming Bella..(done the same thing myself everytime reality hits and realize it is in fact just “Blanket Rob” I am sleeping with0….I think she is trying to act here…not bad at all…actually she does a much better job from what I have seen than she did in Twilight…could it be better director/better acting?? Jessica: arghh..all I have to say…Ok have to admit…thats all I got so far…tired of having to scroll up to keep re-reading what ya’ll I end up laughing so hard..I forget what I read anyway…You guys rock my world…be careful tho…I am fragile….need a good “bite” from you know who… getting my IV coffee from the hubs who like you has made my morning with “Geez you look rough this a.m.”

    PS..Wayyy creepy…just looked up at the TV and some guy on I think it is Regis/Cathi/Kelly what ever is in an ice tank and the guy has FANGS..NO SHIZ!!!

    JO…thanks and you know why….I SO HEART YOU!!!

  29. awesome breakdown, ladies, but there were sections where you might just as well have been speaking greek—Wuthers???—sleep-number bed???: ‘she thought she was a #37 [shoe size?], but it turns out she’s an #88 [piano?]’—Seinfeld! shrinkage??? [did he spend much time in cold water?]—‘sudden onset orgasms’ ??? [already reduced in my weak mind to SOO’s]—yes, but what are they? gives me to meditate on as i do today’s bike tour through the woods (where there are real bushes, but no dressing rooms—:-)

  30. This took me forever to read cuz my TV is having a major Sesame Street fail. What the fuck, PBS!?

    Srsly…the BEST breakdown EVER! *high fives Moon, UC and Calliope* Does anyone ever high five anymore?

    Anyway, the Sleep Number bed portion was so fucking funny, I’m still laughing about it. The thing that is bugging me, though, is that Edwards eyes are supposed to be black in Italy. Remember? He’s been shut up in somebody’s smelly attic and not hunting and all that. I haven’t read everyone’s comments yet, so sorry if this is a repeat, but I think Edward is sitting on the side of the bed when she wakes up after they get back from Italy…the night of the Vote.

    • I’m pretty sure people fist bump now….less chance of spreading swine flu…. 😛

      and yeah WTF’s up with the eyes?!?!? the same thing happened with laurent–his eyes are bright red in the meadow scene but he can’t resist Bella cause he’s hungry? HUH????

  31. Oh, and I forgot…

    I started reading the Office yesterday and did not know there was a blog…with pictures…

    Thank you.

  32. Moon! You took out the part where we discuss how Aro kills Aro in the beginning. And then how I don’t stop saying it throughout the entire convo..

    Cuz seriously.. go back and watch y’all.. Aro is clearing killing another Aro in the beginning.

    It did give me my morning Cullen Smile. Thanks moonie

  33. When I read the title of this post, I knew it was going to be a good one and I wasn’t disappointed. Hilarious! I laughed all the way through!

  34. You had me at Wurther’s.


    I have been wondering about that jacket since the first pics came out and thinking maybe it was really stylish and I didn’t know, but I READ GQ (every month, my house gets a subscription) and I am pretty sure it is not.

  35. It’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment.. But when Bella punches the werewolf she is wearing those oh so famous Black Nike trainers that Rob is always wearing.

    • I totally noticed that…..what is their deal with those shoes??

      • I saw a special needs 4 year old wearing them the other day. It was sooo adorable I had to smile. Part for the cute kid and part for the Rob reminder. Man those shoes are dorky.

  36. I laughed so hard reading this post that my office cube-mates came over to check on me. I’ve been outted …

    Thanks Ladies, you made my hump-day (I mean Wednesday).

  37. It’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment.. But when Bella punches the werewolf she is wearing those oh so famous Black Nike trainers that Rob is always wearing.
    (reposting now that I am logged on)

  38. This was EPIC! Loved it, especially the sleep number bed (I had no clue about until I put 2+2 together).

  39. Pure awesome.

  40. Awesome break down Ladies… I loved the cliff diving part of the trailer (in spite of the “sound effects”). I made my brother watch it and all he got out of it was “Dang, those are some BIG wolves” and I was like “Yeah, they’re supposed to be the horse-sized”.

    Anyhow, I just hope that Chris Weitz DIDN’T give the vamp sparkles a sound effect (I choked on the 1st movie…)

    P.S.: I must confess… I hated the movie the first time I saw it (a friend dragged me to see it and the books were not well known in Costa Rica). After that, one of my aunts gave me the 1st book, I read it to be nice to her… and that was it. In 3 days I had engulfed the 4 books and bought the movie (and became strangely obsessed with a certain actor). ^^

  41. ” So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
    so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!”


  42. don’t get me wrong peeps, i mean i tots get that he’s supposed to look like shit when he says “you can go to hell” and i’m glad he does… but DAMN did they do a good job!

    bet bella got to the airport and sat him down in the “quick spa” store and told the lady “do something about those straggly sideburns… for the love of gawd… before i can’t even look at him anymore.”

    as you can tell, i’m really hoping they elaborate on the airport sections of the novel for the movie. waiting two hours to board an international flight leaves much time for excitement and i may or may not just know that La Perla IS sold at the airport, and tax free at that. sexy and savy? edward’s getting more than he ever could have hoped for with bella.

    • “do something about those straggly sideburns… for the love of gawd… before i can’t even look at him anymore.”

      Oh Calli, you are going to ruin the movie for me now but that was hilar.

    • duty free shopping it where its at. HOLLAAA

  43. What an awesome breakdown! I love it! 🙂

  44. “distraught bella has sexy hair. she ditches the headband”

    She’s so pretty in New Moon, as fas as I saw in the trailer. I think I’m really digging this “no headband” thing, I could never wear one, it always gave me a headache!

    Edward looks very different, he seems older and wiser (duh he’s 108 yrs old). Maybe it’s the manner of dressing? I hope Bella shed tears in this movie! I want to see tears Bella!

    • i’m glad she ditched the headband… i can’t imagine that she didn’t get headaches from the pressure… i can’t go a whole day with wearing one without getting annoyed. i bet she has permanent “my boyfriend is controlling and made me wear a headband to keep my hair from falling in my eyes in an attempt to turn down my want which little does he know can’t be tamed” welts at the base of her ears. oh the things we do for love. FREEDOM!!!!!

  45. can we also talk about how Bella is an airplane traveling whore. she’s always flying. in EVERY novel. wait… revelation… and SO is edward!! they fly in every novel. sonavabetch! These kids just want to rub it in our faces don’t they. do you think bella’s a preferred customer by this point? think she’s mad edward makes her fly first class.. always flaunting his money? or do you think she just takes advantage of those extra wide seats to get a little mile-high club role play action going… “yes captain… it’ll be my pleasure”

    • I checked the FAQ’s on Stephenie Meyer’s site, but these issues were not addressed. Serious flaw if you ask me.
      Personally I think Edward flies first class with her because the comfy seats and free booze get her to shut up and fall asleep in no time.

  46. Love it!

    Btw, when I watched the trailer on here, the ads at the bottom of the video were for sleep number beds!!

    The movie really IS becoming an ad for sleep number beds. All thanks to you guys!

  47. I love how you guys hot on just about every qualm I had with the trailer. Dying here. Also this is my favorite exchange:

    Calliope: I bet edward made her wear the headband. REBELLION!!!!!!!!!!!!
    UC: and Jasper made her feel like she wanted to wear it. FREEDOM!
    Calliope: VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!

    “FREEDOM!” made me bust a nut. And I don’t have nuts.


  49. Anyone that can tie in Matlock and Twilight is effing WIN!

    Now when the break-up scene happens all I am going to think about is whether or not he will give her a Werther’s as he leaves. “This is the last time you’ll ever see me. Here. Have a Werther’s. Peas.”

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