Kristen Stewart it’s your 20th Birthday! Let’s take a look back!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Dear Kristen,

You’re finally out of those teen years and into what I refer to as the “old years” everything after teens just doesn’t really matter so much as you’ll find out. But alas you’re only 20 and you’re in that weird year that isn’t teen and isn’t fully adult. But it’s been a big year for you. Leaving behind your teens and entering adulthood has been pretty tumultuous to say the least. To celebrate let’s take a look back and see what all 19 had to offer…

After outting you and Nikki Reed as fake lesbians one of our friends Kim made this amazing video to celebrate your love and we laughed till we cried.

And as quickly as your love blossomed with NReed your love for that Italian spice Oregano ended.  In a last ditch effort to salvage the relationship and and Micheal Aranago embark on a not staged at all paparazzi documented piggy back romp through the streets of Vancouver. Goodbye Stewgano, we barely knew ye.

While Rob was off in Cannes he runs into your old Into the Wild costar Emile Hirsch and UC and I roleplay what that conversation must have been like. We also come up with our own safeword for future role playing. We also have amazing fun real lives outside of this blog, I SWEAR!

Obviously out of my mind I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy. You probably took my advice. Or you didn’t and played some softball with the locals.

What else happened last year? Let’s remember and wish KStew a happy happy 20th after the cut!
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New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown


(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)

bellwaitwhat

Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon:
ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?!
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut
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Living Single in a Twilight Kind of World!

Dear LTT-er’s

On the heels of last weeks super successful Hardball:  Is Kristen Stewart pregnant? post, I’ve decided to tackle another subject close to my heart: Living single in a Twilight/Rob kind of world! Yup, free feel to sing that to the tune of the Living Single theme song. I feel like a good portion of our audience are mature adult women in relationships and I wanted to give a platform to the other side of the equation. What is is like to be a single adult lady and like a YA novel about Vampires? How has obsessing over Rob and other Twi stars affected their relationships and pursuit of life and boys? And most of all how in the crap will we meet Rob and have him fall madly in love with us? Cause after all that’s a possibility when you’re single!

So again I’ve gathered a panel of the brightest, smartest raddest ladies from the LTT/LTR family to participate in a Sex and the City style round table discussion (aka chat). Just imagine us in the coffee shop with our most awesomest shoes (you’ll see those, don’t worry!) sipping cocktails and dishing the dirt on everything from boys to friends to Twitter to Jonathan Brandis. Yup, we hit it all.

Welcome to Part One (yes we had to break it up there was so much good stuff!) of Living Single in a Twilight Kind of World *cue music*

Heels and a High Life that's the way Moon rolls

Heels and a High Life that's the way Moon rolls

Moon: So ladies, just so you can introduce yourselves and let all those good viewers out there know who you are, I’ll start this how i start all my creepy online chats… A/S/L?
Moon: 26/female/los angeles… oh and send us tweetpics of your fabulous shoes while we chat…
Brooke: 29-F-Philly
chelsea: 24/F/Orange County
Calli: 25/f/Philly
janetrigs: 55/M/texas
aramisette: 28/F/Boston
janetrigs: Okay nooo
Brooke: oh Janet
janetrigs: 31/F/DC
freya: 34/Albuquerque
Brooke: Freya, you a man? didn’t want to tell us?
Moon: pre op?
janetrigs: She must totally be a man
freya: Sorry, 24/ALL WOMAN/Albuquerque
Moon: trannies living in a rob world!
freya: Dang–I just took my age down by ten years!
janetrigs: Trannies in Rob world seems NORMAL
chelsea: Pre or Post-op?

Freya likes booty with her heels

Freya likes booty with her heels

Single and Ready to Mingle?
Calli
: i’m drinking disarono on the rocks
Brooke: That’s normal!
Moon: so are we all single or in some sort of relationship?
Calli: and i’ve got rootbeer vodka on the backburner
Moon: calli is classy. i want to be calli when i grow up
janetrigs: Rootbeer vodka!!
freya: Single.
Calli: single
aramisette: single
Brooke: Single
janetrigs: single, of course
chelsea: I prfer Unencumbered to single..
freya: “Unencumbered”–LOL
Moon: foot loose and fancy free!
aramisette: unencumbered is better. shows u don’t need a man
janetrigs: Well I’s divorced
janetrigs: Is that diff from single, I like to think NOOOO
Brooke: Janey has a wusband
Calli: i’m going to go with “suffering from limited options
aramisette: u choose to be this way
janetrigs: Wasbands suck just so you know. But no kids thank the lord
Moon: couldnt match up to rob?
janetrigs: No one can Moon
janetrigs: No one is ever gonna match up to rob, that’s why I go for the drunk ones, closest to him I think
Moon: HAHAHA amen we’re getting there

Follow the cut to learn more about cover stories, batteries and which Rob is our favorite
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Speculation Thursday – Moon makes the case for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: NOT together!

We're actors

We're actors

Dear Kristen and Rob-

Last week my pal UC put on a brave face, sucked up her pride and posted the Speculation Thursday (though it was on Wednesday) post that she thought you may be together. As much as it pained both of us to see that in writing, we had to present the Pro Robsten side of the argument. But never fear, I am here with this week’s Speculation Thursday (on Thursday!) where I’m going to present the Non Robsten side! Cause I look at you two and I’m like, they CANNOT be together, the stoner and the nerd? No way.

If you’ll indulge me I’d like to treat this as a trial, and court is now in session*! The honorable Stephenie Meyer proceeding. Today we will be hearing the case of:

Robsten vs NonRobsten, in the court of public opinion

Opening statement:
Much has been said and speculated about you two over the last few weeks and now having some time to gather evidence and look at the facts I think we can be certain about a few things: Kristen and Oregano are not together and Kristen and Rob are in fact, NOT together. Snogged and hooked up? Sure! But together? No! I ask that the jury keep an open mind as we speculate our way through another Thursday.

Enter into the court room the Evidence…

Were doing each other behind this door!

We're doing each other behind this door!

01. The Charlie Hotel / The Morning After – UC cited this story and these pictures as her main turning point. But I have a different take on this much bally-hooed “secret goodbye photos” and “secret rendezvous hotel bungalows” nonsense… I did some research too on The Charlie and there are multiple bungalows in which bungalows also have multiple rooms! Amazing how this works, huh? It’s not uncommon for stars to get ready for awards shows in hotel rooms, Summit’s footing the bill, why not? And you’ve got the room paid for for the night, might as well come back and party after the show, right? I know where you’re going to go with this: “but Moon they were in the SAME bungalow! Ron, the underpaid dude at the front desk, told the shady paparazzo from X17 who palmed him a 50 it was true.” Riiiight. And, if I even believe that they were in the same bungalow, my research tells me that again, SURPRISE, there are bungalows with more than one room in them. I’ve stayed in rooms with guy friends, it’s totally possible. And who knows maybe she was wasted drunk from the dinner beforehand when they decided to go back and party? Maybe they smoked a bol and she passed out on that cute striped chair from the pictures of The Charlie. And then the next day her Mom came to pick up her hung over self and hug Rob for being such a good guy and looking out for poor little Kristen. And no kiss was ever photographed.

Follow the cut to hear the rest of the case!!! (Seriously do it!)
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Breaking it down, video style: exclusive video from New Moon!

Dear LTT-ers

If you haven’t seen this video yet where have you been? Not following our Twitter? Not hanging out in the forum? Off being an extra on set in Italy? Or perhaps you have a REAL job? Stop bragging. Well never the less we present to you 14 seconds that will make you lose your flipping mind, scream out loud and then hug your computer screen. All in about the span of 3 seconds. Trust.

Is it possible to break down like 4 actual seconds of dialogue and all from KStew? You bet your butts it is!

UC: I just had a heart attack
UC: Uh, she sounds like an effing man!
Moon: I’m gonna walk around all day doing that eyebrow lift while saying “KISS ME” in a deep voice. let’s see if the intern freaks!

and so of course without further adieu I embarrass myself in the name of the blog doing KStew’s man-voice and eyebrows…

(and next week in 2nd hand embarrassing videos…)

I must love you all!
Themoonisdown

If you didn’t know this Sunday we will be LIVE Blogging the MTV Movie awards with our pals at NewMoonMovie.Org, Lauren’s Bite and Twicrack Addict! Did you miss our announcement yesterday? Check it out here! Then come back and join us on the blog(s) (either one!) a lil’ before 9pm Sunday night (Eastern AND Pacific time in the US) to be apart of all the gossip, news and general freak outs during the MTV Movie Awards. Can you even imagine what we’re going to say about the New Moon trailer they’re going to be premiering?! Who’s with us?!

My plea to Kristen Stewart: Please bone Robert Pattinson

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well...

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well...

Dear Kristen-

I’m writing you two days in a row… I know- check my pulse, I may be ill, but after yesterday when we were treated to the images of you and Rob SHIRTLESS in Italy (aka the day the earth stood still), I knew I needed to talk to you again. I’m ‘unconditionally and irrevocably’ jealous of you. I’m openly admitting this to you on a very public blog in which I usually give you a lot of crap because, you see, to kiss a man like this and not do anything else would simply be a tragedy to the entire human race, female and male. I can’t live in a world where someone isn’t enjoying Mr. Pattinson… oh and uh Rob.

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump n grind...

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump n grind...

Now I know you and Oregano are an item and swear up and down every day that you’re happily together and whatever… but COME ON! You’re in a foreign country! People do stupid stuff when they’re in foreign countries, like buy leather jackets they don’t need and rub shoulders with the locals ifyouknowwhatimsaying. You should let loose one night and blame it on the goose, blame it on the henney, blame it on whatever but PLEASE PLEASE don’t waste such a great opportunity.

Ok if you’d like to keep denying yourself, Kristen, I’m gonna open this letter up to the following… any takers?

my FAVE pic... that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it

my FAVE pic... that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it

01. Ashley Greene (seriously girl)
02. Anna Kendrick (we already know he was in St. Louis with you, why not Italy?)
03. Elizabeth Reaser
04. Rachelle LeFevre
05. the actress that played Ms. Cope
06. Whoever will play Mrs. Newton
07. The craft services chick
08. The gay dudes from hair and make up
09. the camera man
10. Nikki Reed (you know I’m serious now)
11. Stephanie Ritz
12. Stephenie Meyer (make your dreams come true girl!)
13. The Plumber at the hotel
14. Random Italian grandmas in the piazza they’re shooting in
15. Chris Weitz
16. Dakota Fanning (whats the age of consent in Italy?!)
17. Kellan Lutz, when you guys are spooning in Rob’s hotel room!
18. SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok I’ll just have to fly over to Italy and DO IT myself! Like they say, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself!

On my way! Oh and get that gladiator costume ready…
Themoonisdown

PS Don’t forget to check out the inevitable breaking down of these pictures over at Letters to Rob!
Daily chat over at the forum along with a TON of other goodies

Pictures: from EVERYWHERE! Popsugar, Lainey, Robert Pattinson Unlimited, and whoever else helped make this the best day ever!

Ashley Greene, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning praying in the name of Rob in Italy

Dear Ashley, Kristen and Dakota-

I see that Kellan finally wore you down and you had a meeting of the girls accountability group of New Moon and decided to induct Dakota Fanning into the fold… how sweet of you gals!

Say Facebook! No say Rob DO ME!

Say 'Facebook!' No say 'Rob DO ME!'

First, Ashley decided to document the occasion because of course my BFF is like me and will inevitably scrapbook the moment for posterity to remember the day Dakota joined the league of girls “Praying and Fasting for a better New Moon.” The movement originally started by our dear Lula and continues till November 20 when we will find out if our prayers have been answered. Obviously you girls know how important this is so you started off the meeting with a round of prayer…

girlsprayingnewmoon

Kristen Stewart was just at a Women of the Word conference (obviously) and decided to begin after feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit and it went a little something like this…

KStew: Dear God we come to you today in front of the paparazzi and the crazy psycho set stalkers to say we are so thankful to be sweating our boobs off  filming here in Italy and want to welcome our newest sister in the Lord the Meyer, Dakota Fanning. Let her light shine to all she comes in contact with, though not Rob because he should only be seeing MY light, but anyway we ask for a hedge of protection around Dakota from all the whacky Pattinson pants girls and scary Twimoms, keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…

Dakota: Dear God, thank you for these special girls and may we all become closer than fake lesbians now that NReed is out of the picture… oh and an extra special blessing for my agent and manager for making a teen girls dream come true by taking me away from Oscar potential scripts and getting me this two-bit part and bringing me this much closer to Robert Pattin-

*interrupting* KStew: Uh that’s enough Dakota, don’t want to wear you out the first time, ASHLEY your turn, NOW!

Ashley: Huh? uh.. OH! I’m up… Dear God, after this whole accountability thingy is over please please please let us find an open Sephora store here in Montepulciano because all of us are out of concealer! Seriously, look at us, we’re out in public praying on a rooftop looking haggard, we NEED some MAC ‘studio stick’ coverage stat. Oh and please impress upon Jackson’s heart that he should ‘kiss groupies goodbye’ and shack up with me instead. Uh and thanks for Dakota, her presence helps give this little dog and pony show we call New Moon some much needed credibility.

And we all said AAAAAAMEN!

Then the always classy Kristen gave the watching paparazzi a little one finger blessing…

Jesus loves you too!!

Jesus loves you too!!

Spoken like a true prophetess! Don’t miss KStew on BET’s Sunday Best and next year on tour with Juanita Bynum bringing the word like only SHE can!

Your sister in the Meyer,
Themoonisdown

PS Don’t forget to check out our daily letters to Rob and see UC get him drunk!
Oh and chat about it all over at the forum!