Twilosophy: Charlie & Renee – a parenting cop out?

Dear Twilosophy Majors,

My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…

Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.

Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.

Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?

Read more Twilosophy after the jump

What’s a DILF? Chris Weitz knows!

Dear Chris Weitz,

There’s probably more we want to tell you than any letter here could ever contain about how much we love you for New Moon and finally giving the fandom a film version worthy of the saga. While watching New Moon Thursday night it all finally clicked into place that there was one HUGE difference between the Twilight movie and New Moon movie and that is YOU! Yes, you!

Our pal Jen from MyRobPattinson was lucky enough to get to be on the red carpet as the stars walked by. She got to see Kellan and Taylor and Kristen and those volturi dudes and some wolves and that guy named Rob but most importantly she got to see YOU and ask you a few of the most important questions in the world… you know stuff like what was with those orange pants at the London premiere and if you knew what a “DILF” was and since you directed the American Pie series which pretty much originated the term “MILF” I think you do! And here’s your answer……….

Oh you shudder to think! HA!

Hearts your face,
Moon

Video: Thanks Jen!! Visit her site: My Robert Pattinson

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum LTR Twitter

Where’s Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner?

Have you seen this man?

Dear Taylor,

Where the HALE is your dad?! Every time a new photo of you comes out of you at an airport or running around town I hold my breath as I scroll through each image just waiting to see Bid Daddy’s face among them. Preferably off to the side, holding a to-go box wearing an XXXL polo shirt and some dad pants but alas he’s no where to be found. He’s been missing in action for weeks, maybe even a month since we last saw the man we’ve all come to know and love and refer to affectionately as Big Daddy.

Hmmmm filet o fish

Where could be be? Did he get stuck in Rob’s old hotel room jail cell? Was Summit jealous of the coverage Big Daddy was getting from paps so they threw him in the same cell Rob was in for almost a month? Is Big Daddy jealous of Taylor Swift and all the face time she’s been getting with YOU? I mean, you took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and didn’t take Big Daddy? That’s blasphemy! They serve red meat there! I would be hurt too. I’ve even started searching every McDonald’s in the Los Angeles area looking for a cuddly dad in a corner self soothing with a Filet-o-Fish while you’re out on the town with the other half of Swiftner, but he’s no where to be found! It’s as if he never existed! Tell him to stop taking Edward’s words so literally. I can’t take this anymore!

And now you’re off gallivanting through foreign countries with KStew with NO parental guidance? Is Big Daddy sitting at home in his easy chair when the newscaster says “It’s 10PM do you know when your children are?” and NOT KNOW where you are?! I shudder to think.

I’m worried Taylor! Please tell me Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner is ok.

It’s 10PM do you know where your Big Daddy is?
Themoonisdown

Oh and Dear Kristen,

Nice outfits! No, I’m serious, I swear!

Thank god for press tours! Oh and wanna share shoes?

❤ sometimes,
moon

What say you? is Big Daddy MIA? Where is he? And do you heart or hate KStew’s look in Mexico?

Find Big Daddy at The Forum
Rob’s doing something over at LTR
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!

Peter Facinelli Appreciation Day!

Fat man in a little tie! (yea yea you're not fat!)

Dear Peter,

So a few weeks ago we started this whole “Appreciation Sunday” thing quite by accident but has turned out to be a fun way to spend a few minutes on a Sunday. Another happy accident is that we’ve been featuring the “dads” of Twilight for the last couple Sundays and by popular request YOU’VE been chosen to complete the hat trick of dads! So we’re here this Sunday to appreciate YOU, Peter Facinelli!
c

What we appreciate about YOU:
c

You are Mike Dexter!

As most of the folks here know Can’t Hardly Wait is one of my most favorite movies ever and when I found out last year that you would be playing Carlisle Cullen I couldn’t contain myself. I mean you played Mike Dexter the high school jock jerk who dumps AmanDUH and befriends William Licther (spoiler alert!) only to show his true jerk feelings the next day. For someone who seems like a nice dude you play a great d-bag! Mike Dexter you are a GOD!

Bonus Mike Dexter clip (cause I can’t help myself):

You’re one of our favorite DILF’s

The family that wears Crocs together stays together! (I'm just gonna assume this wasn't your idea)

You, much like Chris and Billy our one of our favorite DILF’s! You’re the dad to a gaggle of girls and that probably gives you a special understanding of this whole Twilight thing. You live with all ladies so you “get it” and we love ya for that! Oh an Jennie Garth is one lucky chickadee!

Follow the cut to keep appreciating Peter

Meeting Chris Weitz at the Billboard Film and TV Music Conference

Oh myello there Chris and Alexandre! Even this lady couldn't contain herself!

Dear LTT-ers/nmm.org-ers (that’s your new name!) and Chris Weitz fans (which should be everyone),

Today was a mindgasm, red letter day in the life of me, your faithful blogger: Moon. As both a Twilight fan, music fan and aspiring music supervisor, I was able to attend the Billboard Film and TV Music conference in Beverly Hills to cover to events for both us and our awesome super special friend and affiliate Will at NewMoonMovie.org who secured our entrance into the event. The conference featured two Twilight New Moon themed panels. One discussing the soundtrack success featuring New Moon soundtrack music supervisor Alex Patsavas, a VP from Atlantic Records and Paul Katz, music consultant and uppity up at Summit Entertainment.

The other New Moon themed panel was “A Conversation with a Director and Composer” featuring Chris Weitz and Alexandre Desplat who discussed New Moon and its score and music for a hour. Now, this was some hardcore discussion regarding the composition of the score, influences how they began the process, etc. It was NOT a panel where they discussed Robsten or anything about the actors other than what pertained to the topic of the New Moon score.

I’ll be writing a more in depth post in the next few days reviewing both panels in more depth but for today I’ll give you a quick overview of some juicy tidbits from Chris’s panel and what WE (yes WE I met the man himself talked about after the panel) chatted about. Hang on kiddies, we’ll get there but first some of what Chris and Alexandre discussed:

• There were themes (musical) created for for each character. IE one for Bella, one for Bella and Edward, one for Jacob

• To reflect the confusion in Bella’s mind after Edward leaves, at times the “Edward” and “Jacob” themes are “blurred” together to help created “subliminal confusion” in her mind

• Jacob’s “theme” features electric guitar. Alexandre used a guitar that sounded very similar to an Indian sitar and Chris jokingly reminded him that Jacob is Native (Indian) American not Indian from India

• The score will not featuring any of Carter Burwell’s score. (I’ll expound more on this decision in a later post)

• And the most important info: Chris wore a lot of olive and tan. He was in full on DILF mode with cargo pants, striped socks (i love a good sock!), some sort of olive sweater and a leather man purse. Work it Chris, WORK IT!

Ok, so here’s the part you all want to read MY CHRIS WEITZ ENCOUNTER (that didn’t take place in my dreams):
FOLLOW THE CUT (moohahahaa)

Taylor Lautner at a hockey game in 4 takes…

Dear Taylor-

I had a great weekend, saw some friends, went to some house parties, got a fathers day gift (don’t forget Big Daddy Lautner this Sunday!) and wondered what you were up to now that New Moon wrapped principle photography… and lucky me Just Jared found you at a Detroit Red Wings hockey game! I totally forgot you were from the North because who else watches hockey around here? You and Big Daddy Lautner (my other name for Poppa Filet o Fish) did not disappoint with your AMAZING facial expressions during that game that were all caught on film for folks like UC and I to enjoy… and enjoy them we did!

Taylor: OH DUDE DAD!! That cougar behind me just grabbed my balls in the hall and I liked it!!
Big Daddy: Isn’t that a Katy Perry song?
Taylor: Um Yea, something like that, I don’t know Dad but she pushed me into the guys bathroom and told me she’d “make me a man” for Rob’s phone number, can you believe it?! I was like get in line sister!
Big Daddy: Hmmmph… kids these days… freakin 6 pack abs and mystic tans are wasted on the youth… I wonder if they have a McDee’s in this arena. Taylor go get me a McFlurry!

Taylor: Daaaadd… I just remembered Selena broke up with me. I’m really sad… do you have a kleenex?
Big Daddy: Uh, I got this leftover napkin from Wendy’s, will that do?
Taylor: sniff… sniff… yeaaaa but who will I walk in the rain with now? What about the umbrella I bought? Who will I give chaste sweet hugs to on the sidewalk in front of the papparazzi?
Big Daddy: Consider it a blessing she dumped you now Son. She’s a Disney girl, it would have taken 2 years to get to first base and then it would have ended in sorrow after the inevitable dirty webcam pics surfaced. Do you want some cotton candy?

Follow the cut to see if Big Daddy tackles a Dippin Dots vender…

Working out with a Filet o Fish and Taylor Lautner

(TGIF LTT-ers!! I can’t tell you how happy I am we’ve made it to another Friday, so in honor of a great week of posts and a crappy week of work I’m bringing you one of the most ridiculous videos EVER!)

Dear Daddy Lautner –

What the heck is going on in this video? Was it time for Taylor to work out and that’s why you pulled over the SUV for a little impromptu weight training session?

“Hey Taylor and Trainer guy, pop the hatch you’ve got some reps to do kid, these filet o fishes ain’t buying themselves!”

And what’s the loud popping noise in the background? If I didn’t know better about the premise of New Moon I’d say you were on the set of “Saving Private Rob” and those are fake gun rounds going off… instead of what we all know that sound really is! It’s you crushing beer cans on your forehead while Taylor works the Delts out.

What we really need is a Daddy Lautner work out video… it’s pretty much like those old people chair work outs only yours involved a lawn chair and lifting 40’s instead of soup cans. Then to really get the muscles warmed up there’s a relay between you and that blond chick to see who can eat a McRib the fastest. You win of course! And the cover is the best… I picture Taylor standing over your shoulder spotting you as you benchpress a platter of McGriddles. GOLD, I tell you! You’re rich all thanks to me! Where’s the Amazon preorder?

Nice form Taylor!
Themoonisdown

Oh and get Taylor another Crest White Strip, I couldn’t see his gleaming chompers from space!

PS TGIF!!!!!!!!!! Time to hit that forum and get to chatting after commenting!

This is how you found us? Vol. 3

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and lost Googlers-

April is drawing to a close so it’s once again time to crack into our vaults of search terms. I know, I know! It’s just like (buttcrack) Santa came last night and left us all kinds of fun gifts.  So for the uninitiated, wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. It’s generally the stuff you’d expect: Rob, Twilight, Filet o Fish (of course!) and for some odd reason Muse is one of our biggest terms, but then there are the othesr! And boy, are they off the wall! So we thought man, this is funny stuff- we really have to share it with everyone… and well here we are again with another round of “THIS IS HOW YOU FOUND US?!”

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find both LTT and LTR

• Adam Brody – be still my heart… our secret secret blog? Yup, that’s right: letterstoadambrody.com

• we were fine. i have not left my boyfriend – is that you Kristen Stewart? Are you trying to tell us something? You can email us, ya know!

• i gotta discuss – WHAT? What do you have to discuss with us?? Maybe you should head to the forum?

• 

  He loves me... he loves me not

  stephenie meyer +rob pattinson – equals true love 4ever? She wishes! You can stop googling you and Rob’s name Stephenie, it ain’t gonna change anything! Maybe you should read some fanfic instead

• taylor lautner with his mom – Seriously, right?! We love and adore Papa Filet o Fish but what about Mama Lautner? Is she a Mama Yogurt Parfait? Where is she? Cooking Taylor’s eggwhites? So many questions…

• what would taylor lautner want for a birthday gift? – I don’t know, how about a year membership to 24 Hour Fitness? A copy of season one of Wizards of Waverly Place? Or maybe a My Little Pony comb for his beautimus flowing wig?

Check out more crazy Googles after the cut!

Dad-icorn

And then Edward hitched Bella's leg up over his hip...

Dear Dad on flight from Chicago to LAX-

I was settling in for another tortureous 4 hr flight on American “we don’t believe in legroom” Airlines when I saw you pull out something familiar from your bag. As all twi-fans can attest we have Twi-dar, meaning we can sense or see anything Twilight related within a 5 mile radius and so OF COURSE I KNEW what that little red ribbon was on the front of your book. You had brought along Eclipse to help pass the time. I was about to rip it out of your hands and read some good ol Bella/Edward/Jacob love triangle when you started READING IT OUTLOUD!! I sat there going ‘why in the world would he be reading that outloud?’ Then I stood up to AHEM “stretch my legs” AHEM and I saw that sitting in between you and the lady I assume is your wife was your son! A young-ish 12-13 yr old BOY! And I knew I’d found another Unicorn*: A Dad reading Eclipse to his son!

Mile high book club

So I grabbed my bag and ripped out my phone cause this just had to be documented. Then I stealthy took like 10 shots without you ever knowing. Seriously, look at these! TMZ needs to hire me cause this is some stalker-azzi shiz right here! I thought long and hard about asking you and the fam for a pic, but I didn’t want to freak anyone out so I grabbed the shot you see and parked myself to listen to your dad-voice read the part where Edward and Bella exchange notes in Mr. Berty’s English class. As I sat there I wondered what if you got to the part where Edward “hitches Bella’s leg up around his hip.” How would you explain THAT to your son? Or what about all the shirtless kissing?!

Oh well, at least he was even talking to the kid! More parents should be as involved and kids need to hear about Bella and Edward’s love story. So I stopped asking questions and listened to your voice as we landed to the tales of the Wolves trading stories.

Dads Rule!
Themoonisdown

See more Unicorns!

What’s a Unicorn? *A Unicorn is a term we use to refer to mythical creatures… meaning people we’ve only heard exist but have never seen in real life, i.e.: a man reading Twilight/A male Twilight fan*

OH HALE NAH!

"psst Rob I just told someone you and your movie sucked!"

Dear Kristen Stewart’s Dad: John Stewart

Today our lovely friend Leigh Anne sent us a post about why Kristen Stewart didn’t present at the Oscars and you said this:

Access’ Billy Bush got the answer on the red carpet, when he asked Kristen’s father, John Stewart, why she wasn’t presenting with Robert Pattinson.

John responded that Kristen would present at the Oscars, “When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

And now JOHN my resulting RANT…

You, my dear long-haired-hippie-stoner daughter-supporting-dad, are a jerkoff and as the wise Poet Laureate of Dogwood Lane, Drum Eatenton, once said:

“An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure“

I have a great idea! Let's burn every bridge we've ever built in Hollywood by saying some really insensitive stuff!

What a load of garbage you people are! At this point I wish Summit would just recast your daughter to teach you all a lesson and get it done with cause she’s bologna and this only proves it. Because even BIG stars (which you are NOT my dear Kristen) understand the need to balance both types of movies. You gotta do your little indie flicks but you also gotta do your big blockbusters too.

What you’ve said John, is a slap in the face to NOT ONLY her costar Robert (who understands the importance and presented!) but also to people like: MERYL freaking STREEP, Philip Seymore Hoffman, Sean Penn, Amy Adams, and flipping Mickey Rourke. COME ON! You and Kristen aren’t even good enough to be those people’s seat fillers during the commercials.

This really got me:

“When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

UH you folks only have yourselves to blame because kstews acting was a majority of the problem! Stuttering, blinking and looking uncomfortable does not equal acting… unless you’re playing a psych ward patient. And that you weren’t!

Since you and your wife work in the film industry you should know first hand how EVERYONE knows EVERYONE. Hollywood is a very small town and you should probably watch what you say to people like BILLY BUSH on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD. Never bite the hand that feeds you John.

And to think UC and I were feeling like being nice girls and posting Kristen’s NYLON pics. YEA RIGHT, not anymore! Saying crap like this just pisses me off and if you think I was being mean in those other KStew posts, I’ve got news for you folks: you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Save us the hassle and piss off!
Themoonisdown

PS Apparently Perez isn’t impressed either