News on Breaking Dawn Production aka NO news on Breaking Dawn Production!

Dear Twilight and well, Breaking Dawn I suppose…

Today two posts came out referencing news behind the production of Breaking Dawn. While a few months ago we all thought making BD was a foregone conclusion and Summit was just waiting for New Moon to shatter box office records to make it official it’s been almost a month and a half since New Moon’s release and still no announcement. Since news on the twi front has been about as sparse as smiles at a KStew photoshoot, so any sort of news to come out will indefinitely make waves. But after reading both posts from the bitchtastic Ted C and a dude in his mom’s basement in North East Philly we learn… exactly… NOTHING. Why yes, it’s like a Robsten rumor… a lot of drama, a lot of words, a lot of retweets, a lot of “maybe’s” but no actual substance or truth. Someone at the LA Times spoke with producer Wyck Godrey and got this bit of totally evasive information regarding the splitting of BD into two films  “…If it’s not organic, I don’t think it will be done, and if it is, it will be…” Wow, heavy.

Breaking Dawn = tons more creepy images made by fans!

So we still don’t know if it will be made into two films (please say yes), whether Summit will hire geneticists to create a human vampire hybrid in their lair of doom (aka studio offices in Santa Monica) to play Renesmee, whether Taylor Lautner will in fact act out imprinting on a newborn baby, if Nikki Reed and KStew can patch up their differences long enough to play convincing as frenemies on screen, will Jacob and Leah spend 3/4ths of the movie running around the perimeter of the Cullen’s house “on patrol” thus reenacting the most boring parts of BD, will there be a behind the scene documentary on the making of Isle Esme which features all the “fade to black” scenes they cut out?

Sooooo many questions and ZERO answers.

Find out what we DO know about Breaking Dawn after the jump

Alas poor Swiftner!..We knew thee..NOT so well

Our silence on the topic of the fake-break-up-cuz-they-never-really-were “Swiftner”  has been hard for you. I know. We couldn’t quite put into words what we were feeling since we heard the news. So, we’ll let this fan letter be an offering of sincere sorrow for the ending of our favoritest fake relationship on the entire planet.

Dear Swiftner,

The ice cream and tissues are running out, “Ghost” is being watched and cried over and Streisand’s “The Way We Were” is on repeat. You came (That’s what she said but we don’t believe her cause you’re not legal), we sighed and then suddenly… it was over and no one cared cause some kid in a shoe shirt took pics with Robsten. Did you sigh in relief that the pressure was off? I mean, there were no wrist-holding pictures to squee over, we didn’t even have enough time to make manips of you in sexually suggestive poses or with your beautifully squinty-eyed children in a Lautner family portrait on Christmas day or even a simple slide show set to “Touch Myself” by the Divinyls. I, contrary to popular opinion, am shattered over your demise (Yes he’s back on the market but it’s not like he’ll be professing his love for ME anytime soon *snort* …as a BFF of course)

You’re keeping the true reason for the break-up under wraps (good on ya! Robsten has taught you well) but that means rumours are rife and so, I’d like to address them…cause then I can finally move on and refill my meds.

He wanted to get some protein in her…she didn’t

Are you telling me you couldn't put up with a mere 10 mile run every morning just to tap this wonder? Girls these days...

Apparently Big Daddy was messing up his plans to create the ULTIMATE TAYLOR WORKOUT video. There were gonna be leotards (for both of them…mmmmm), a featurette on the “perfect meat patty” and Swifty’s version of “Let’s get physical” as a DVD bonus that automatically unlocked itself after the 11th of February. Damn you Big Daddy for making junk food look as sexy as you! How could anyone resist?

penis

PENIS

PEEENNISS

i

am

like

It was all a media stunt

Tay was nervous.He had never kissed anything apart from his Team Edward folder before...

Pffft…yeah right…next thing you’ll be telling me that this was aaaall for some movie they’ve been doing…What? Swifty is HOW old? That can’t be right…That means she’s not in high school (wait..does Chris Hansen know about this?) So all these pics I’ve stuck on my sparkly, pink fur three ring binder…it’s all..*blink*…*bite lip*..fake? But all the angles…and the passion…NO ONE makes out that long for a movie right?

a

lame

14

yr

old

boy

!

There was no chemistry

Hands in pockets? CHECK! Almost Bella pose? CHECK! I sense wild shenanigans in a hotel room tonight!

Swifty are you serious? No chemistry? Weren’t you guys all over each other? Holding wrists…err..hands? …making out in taxi cabs?…taking individual pics with kids?…looking cozy at “makes-me-wanna-have-sex-faster-than-listening-to-Marvin Gaye” KOL concerts? NO? Oh right…That’s Robsten…You guys just looked adorably, squee-ably, teeth-hurtingly, un-touchy-feely cute. Does that mean we got it all wrong? Did we jump the gun faster than we would have jumped Rob behind a dumpster? Were you guys just (gasp! shock! horror!) BFF’s all along? Dun dun dunnnnnn….

i miss

swiftner

even

tho they never really existed

Kanye kept butting in …and he brought the Hansen as his wingman

What's with the hands, Grabby? It's our first date and you wanna go to second base already? But what if dad sees?

Turns out Kanye wasn’t too pleased with boy Tay’s performance on SNL and squealed on them to Chris Hansen. Who did we see hiding in the backseat with a “Team Edward cause he’s legal” thermos of iced tea, waiting for them to park on “Lover’s Point” and make out to “Your body is a wonderland” ? Yup! You guessed it!…somehow having a 50 year old tapping you on the shoulder asking you to get off him and take a seat UP FRONT AND AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!!! ruins a good night. Add Kanye telling you through the partially steamed up windows that Rizzo and Kenickie had the best make-out scene in a car (of ALL TIME!) and you know the relationship is doomed.

Enablers point fingers at some chick named “Illegal”

Oh em gee...So this chick writes letters about you? That's like the funniest thing evah!

I love you guys but there are crazies on other sites claiming responsibility for this already. I just can’t steal their thunder…or their delusional fantasies. My therapist says I can take responsibility for only one celeb break up at a time and currently I’m embroiled in the Robsten saga…I own a kick-ass shoe shirt and I look deceptively 10 years old when I’m actually 23…

Remember when we all thought that was Swifty's hand?...maayyymriiiieeeees...like the cooorners of my miiiiind....

Sigh…I can let you go now…unless you’re planning to revisit the epic-ness after February *wink wink*. If it happens, I’ll be there at your next “date”. I’ll be the one holding the boom box over my head blasting Little Mermaid’s “Kiss the Girl” while wearing a pink, bedazzled, “Swiftner forevah!” shirt. Till then…ILY

Off to buy more ice cream and tissues,

Love,

Illegal

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Appreciation Sunday: Nikki Reed

Dear Nikki Reed,

No, it’s not April Fool’s day and YES, we mean YOU Nikki Reed. We are going to be appreciating you this Sunday for our reoccurring post Appreciation Sunday. I know you’re probably pretty surprised but we do have a lot to be appreciative about when it comes to you… so let’s get started shall we?

We appreciate…

Your body
While some of the gals in Twilight have the bodies of 13 year old boys giiirrrrrrl you got some curves in all the right places. I can’t lie I was super jelly of your booty in that vampire baseball uniform. Thanks for keeping it real for the rest of us and all I can say is: You better WORK girl.
c

(Sorry Nikki, Google image search is a bitch)
Paris Latsis
I think I speak for all woman kind when I thank you for falling on this grenade. Poor poor Paris spent an unfortunate amount of time with a one Miss Paris Hilton and for that well, he’s considered unclean and probably lacking a little in the mental facilities BUT he did find you and you both seem to be happy and while he has looked like a member of Color Me Bad in the past, he IS a greek shipping heir so I gotta hand it to you boyfriend who owns yachts that sail around GREECE ain’t too shabby. Well played my dear.

Find out what else we appreciate about Nikki Reed after the jump

Lustin’ for the Ladies….

On Saturdays over on LTR, we have something called Saturday Morning Delight where we lust over vids of Rob. Well, introducing our LTT equivilent but for the girls (or, I guess you could argue this is for the men): Lustin’ for the Ladies!

Dear Ashley,

I was pretty sure you weren’t going to get any hotter for me. I was pretty sure you hit your height of hottness with that photo-shoot I saw you in a week or so ago (I forget what it was now- you’ll see why). I was pretty sure my jealousness of your gorgeous body couldn’t grow and my lusting over your perfect features had peaked.

Hell-to-the-no.
I was wrong….

Are those abs? And they’re not airbrushed?

Like a perfect mermaid….

So if I drink Sobe…. I’ll look like this?

I’ll be honest…. me and a bunch of gals looked closely… and we’re not sure where your nipple went..

Hottest.Painted.on.Bathing.suit.Ever

Lustin’ for life,
UnintendedChoice

After the jump, read a letter to Ash by long-time-LTT reader and friend Too_Far_Gone

Someone’s breaking up with you, Twilight

*So last night I may or may not have seen New Moon AGAIN (I won’t even keep track of what number this was at this point) with a couple of virgins and it was splendid and reminded me of all the craptastic and fun and awful things about Twilight the movie which Luladee sums up perfectly in her letter… so I’ll let her take the reigns!*

I'm leaving you for another movie...

Dear John Twilight the movie,

This has been a long time in coming. I wasn’t sure that I would ever have the strength to be able to say this, but recently things have changed and I know now what I have to do.

I’m breaking up with you.

It was never going to work. Oh, there was potential. I did love your book after all. When I found out you were coming to town, I couldn’t wait to meet you! I just knew that we would click and fall madly in love. I know you felt it too. But there’s something I never told you…

I never loved you. In fact, I didn’t even really like you very much. I tried to, I really did. I thought our first date was a fluke… Maybe it was me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have had that fifth second drink (I was really nervous). Maybe I had unfair expectations thinking we were meant for each other and all. So I went out with you again, sure that this date would go much better….it was just as bad as the first. I was crushed, but in denial. I mean, my friends seemed to think you were great. They kept talking about you and found ways to overlook your idiosyncrasies. I thought I could grow to love you, but after our third date, which I was late for (you didn’t even notice), I knew that I would never and COULD never love you. But I sort of faked it for awhile anyway. I thought for sure you knew, but then you aren’t very good at spotting bad acting.

Follow the cut to read the rest of Luludee’s Dear John letter to Twilight the movie

Taylor and a cougar… and other random stuff…

Hi. It’s me. I am sick. I thought I could pretend like I’m not and just go on my merry-old way, but it turns out it’s pneumonia and I’m supposed to “rest.” Whatever. So today is a random hoj-poj of stuff I want to post or talk about. Enjoy! And stay away from me, unless you want time to “rest” too.

Dear Taylor,

I was just perusing the interwebs looking for news and I happened upon this article in News in Film about you that I have NO idea if it’s true or not, but it gave me a big chuckle.

When Taylor Lautner ripped off his shirt countless times in The Twilight Saga: New Moon, women of all ages swooned for the new found muscled figure he had cultivated between movies.  Nothing was more creepy, however, than Lautner’s recount on “The Jay Leno Show” about the time a 40-ish woman, accompanied by an embarrassed daughter, told the 17-year-old actor she wanted him to autograph her panties.Which is why the new possible starring vehicle for Lautner hits close to home.  According to E! Online, the sought-after teen phenom may be up for the lead in a remake of Vision Quest, a cheeseball 1985 movie about a high school wrestler who falls for an older woman.  Matthew Modine starred in the original alongside the feature debuts of Linda Fiorentino and Madonna.

Twilight producers Wyck Godfrey and Marty Bowen are developing the onesie to fit Lautner, as well as a Taken-style action movie set in Cancun for him to bust out more stunts and ab shots.  He’s also signed to play Max Steel in an adaptation of the Mattel action figure line.

My favorite part of this story, though, is that Empire mixed up Taylor Swift and Taylor Hicks, calling the latter and American Idol winner Lautner’s “current squeeze.”  I guess I’m not the only one who mixes up the Taylors on occasion.  Just last week I called him Johnathan Taylor Thomas.  What ever happened to that guy, any way?

Okay SO many LOLs- the jab about busting out more stunts and ab shots in the Max Steel movie, and the mention of my main squeeze from ’91-’99, JTT! But the biggest of them all?

may be up for the lead in a remake of Vision Quest, a cheeseball 1985 movie about a high school wrestler who falls for an older woman.

Seriously? If this is true that role was MADE for you! Young guy falling for an older woman? Hey- I bet Chris Hansen would even be willing to do a little cameo!

Can’t wait to see you and some cougar getting it on,
UnintendedChoice

Follow the jump for more randomness!

Twilosophy: Charlie & Renee – a parenting cop out?

Dear Twilosophy Majors,

My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…

Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.

Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.

Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?

Read more Twilosophy after the jump

Why “The Hillywood” show is better than Twilight and New Moon combined

Dear Catherine Hardwicke & Chris Weitz,

We love you Chris only– you know that, but…. well, you got outdone. By some amateurs with one camera. And a budget much smaller than you had.

Seriously, did you see the acting? It’s better than in both your movies combined. Hilly (aka Bella) brought us TEARS- real, actual tears.

And did you SEE the character of Jacob? Were we actually applauding Taylor Lautner for gaining weight and putting on muscle? This guy (aka Kyle Dayton- who I have since google stalked for many hours) seems to have a naturally amazing body and quite possibly a hotter face than Taylor Lautner. OR maybe it’s just because he’s probably older than 17 that I think that. Either way- WIN ALL AROUND!

Remember how I mentioned how I like the Bella that is with Jacob? I said how I love Bella with Edward because obviously they’re meant to be, but I kinda wish Bella could be split in two and be with Jake too? Well, the Hillywood girls have BAD BELLA aka Bella with Jake DOWN!! The leather pants? The rockstar attitude? The dark make-up? It was hot. I have a major crush on Hilly Hindi

And did you notice FUTURE Bella & Edward? They weren’t Anne-of-Green Gables fail. They were hot, attractive, and the dress was gorgeous- just like they should have been in New Moon. I am now convinced Bella can be attractive as a vampire. Before… not so much.

The Sparkles!?!- They RULED IT. While Chris you did a MUCH better job than Catherine, it turns out it wasn’t THAT difficult… all the Hillywood people did was use SPARKLY make-up. Duh! Even I could’ve told you that! And Jasper’s wig? While it’s totally still atrocious it was much less so than in New Moon! I think you need to contact those girls about their wig hook-up before Breaking Dawn starts shooting.

There is so much that is SPOT ON! The Tweed! The Grandpa shoes! The Purple (purple’s cool) on the bed!  Hilly rocks the attitude Bella should’ve had! Edward LEFT her! Cut down that Edward/Bella tree girl!

Everyone knows I’ve never been impressed with the chemistry between Edward & Bella from the movie. It has nothing to do with Robsten- I thought that from my first viewing. But in THIS parody? The chemisty between THEIR Edward & Bella? Aka Jacob Jost & Hilly Hindi? I’m ‘shipping Josttly or Hillcob or Jacly now. HARDCORE.

If you’re still not convinced at how much we loved this parody, read Moon’s reaction after the jump!

Return to Monday Funnies: Bella & The Beast and some teen boy humor

Dear LTT-ers,

Since it’s most folks first Monday back from the Holidays I thought we could all use a good laugh and since there’s pretty much nothing new in the Twilight world let’s have a few laughs shall we…

Bella and the Beast – Someone mashed up Beauty and the Beast and Twilight and it pretty much kills. Too bad they didn’t make Mrs. Potts as Alice.

Way to jump on the Twi train a bit late but still… Guermo from Jimmy Kimmel Live talk show takes a turn as everyone’s favorite Vampire.
c

This totally appealed to the 13yr old boy inside me. YOUR MOM!
c

Follow the jump for more laughs

Twilight Saga videos you may not have seen…

Dear crazy party people,

Are you still recovering from your big New Years Eve? I hope so. I hope I am too by the time this is published. We’re keeping it light since it’s still a holiday weekend and lots of people are traveling to and fro this weekend, but I thought we could all use a laugh to kick off 2010.  Here are two videos that were new to me when I saw them a week or so ago. I hope they bring a Cullen Smile to your pretty faces.

XO,
UnintendedChoice

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Thanks to Krystle for telling me about the Jay Leno show video and thanks to MY HUSBAND for caring about my “hobby” once in his life and sending me a funny vid! XO

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter