Keep repeating it… he is 16, he is 16

uhhh.... what's the age of consent?

uhhh.... what's the age of consent?

Dear Taylor-

Could you please stop looking like the buff cousin of Adam Brody? It’s really making it hard for us to remember you’re only 16… not to mention REALLY hard to concentrate at work.

Good heavens…

US (themoonisdown and unintendedchoice)

PS us saying he looks ANYTHING like Adam Brody is a BIG deal

Edward Cullen as a bunny

Dear cute bunnies acting out Twilight,

Thanks for making me laugh!

Bella the Bunny

(If this isn’t actually funny, I blame the 1/2 bottle of merlot I just consumed while reading Eclipse)

Love,
(tipsy) UnintendedChoice

Fans still love Twilight

Dear Twilight,

Nope. We haven’t forgotten about you. We’ve been a little distracted by all the NReed/KStew lesbo talk and the Kellan Lutz “good boy from your youth group” stories, but we still love you.

While Rob is definitely out-shining you in the letter department, people do still write to YOU too.  See, I’ll prove it:

xo

twi-movie-companion1Dear People at Target,

I swear I am not crazy…and I am not a biatch (well maybe sometimes)! I just find it really annoying and hard not to use my vampire strength to rip your throats out for selling the last copy of the Twilight Movie companion you had in stock to a tween who still can’t possibly know or understand how Edward can make someone ‘jizz her pants,’ as he does me! I understand how you are not really in control of when you will get restocked again, but do you know how inconvenient it is for me to have to wait until tomorrow to hit up Barnes and Noble when you’re just 5 mins from my house?!!?? Anyway sorry for glaring at you (cashier girl) with my ‘onyx-colored’ eyes…I swear they’re not always this color. Next time please try and keep better stock…k?

Thanks,

krazykidd

P.S.

My apologies to my fiancee who thought he might have to restrain me when that bitchfaced tween wallked past me with a smirk on her smug little face in triumph…for a SECOND there I wished I was Jane so I could put her dumbass on check!! (only for a SECOND)   

 

Dear Twilight,twi book covers

Who knew you were this addictive? I’m sure Stephenie Meyer’s publishers did. 

From December 23, 2008 to January 2, 2009 I was completely engrossed in the Twilight Saga that I didn’t even notice Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day! Honestly, there should be some sort of disclaimer on the back. Only took me 11 days to finish the series because “I had to know”. I thought I would be past my obsession once I finished all four books…now even it’s worse.

Now, I take random online quizzes about Twilight and their characters (so sad), and I cannot go to bed without hearing Bella’s lullaby. Also, (and this is hard for me to admit) I rub body shimmering lotion on my boyfriend so that he could sparkle like Edward. It’s safe to say I have a problem.

I will admit that I don’t obsess over the book more than I do over the movie. Watching the book come to life made me wish that this fantasy would never end! Every fibre of my being anticipates the release of the New Moon movie. In the meantime, I get my fix from fanmade videos and blogs (although I would prefer the official complete draft of Midnight Sun, hint hint Steph). 

Twilight, all that’s left to say is this: “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin“. 

Patiently trying to wait,

newtwilightlover (Shari)

Sundance is like, SOOoo commercial

eh. stuff.

eh. stuff.

Dear Pals-

We were recently sent this picture of Kristen Stewart hanging out at Sundance this week, and I just couldn’t help myself; the bitchface she was working called to me ,and I felt compelled to write down what I thought she was doing in this pic. Imagine this: Kristen is live blogging from Sundance on her mac…

Fade in…

kbitches livejournal
01/19/08-

yooo dudes i’m at sundance. just saw spike jonze. his niece is a twilight fan apparently. guess she loved the movie or whatever. god i was so happy when he didn’t ask for an autograph for her. bleh. i wonder if he knows where the good green is at here? it’s SOoooo boring. fucking utah n shit. i wish i could have snuck some in my shampoo bottle or something. tsa is so weak. don’t they know we like to wake n bake, man? wake and muther fucking baaaaake.

anyshit i guess nikki reed is coming up here. she kept calling saying she could totally come up if i needed her or whatever. guess she’s at the airport now who knows, at least that’s what the pictures on perez say. i’ve got my sister here to keep up my fake lesbo facade until nikki decides to show up. then we can hit the gifting suites and do a three way kiss with the girl at the paige denim booth while the paps are shooting.

so uh, yea. sundance.

k.

AND SCENE.

I promise some twi-girl love soon. We have something cooked up already. Stay tuned. and until then, perfect your bitchface with Kristen.

If you can stand it, watch this video of KStew being interviewed by MTV where she bitches about being asked about Twilight. Yea, we get it- you’re in a new movie called Adventureland, but don’t bite the hand that feeds.

Love,
ME (themoonisdown)

Also see: Sour Puss

A message for Nikki Reed and Kristen Stewart- BFFs

Maybe Nikki is just holding onto KStew b/c she's obviously plastered

Maybe Nikki is just holding onto KStew b/c she's obviously plastered

Dear Nikki Reed and Kristen Stewart,

Okay, I have to say something. I’ve been holding my tounge for awhile now, but I’m over it.

Stop being fake lesbians.

Seriously, you’re starting to remind me of T.A.T.U.  I get the “she’s my best friend and I love to kiss her on the lips” thing- I really do. I plant one right on the smacker of my best girls everytime I see them. But no one thinks we’re suddenly gonna go grab a pair of Birkenstocks and jump in a Subaru.

You can stop the ‘hand-holding at every event’ charade, and it would be okay to still do press for your films even if your “other half” can’t make it with you that day. And maybe, KStew, when you guys are out in public with your boyfriend you could hold his hand instead of Nikki’s. Just a tip from a girl who knows a thing or two about keeping a man around. (and here he is thinking Rob is the threat)

Poor Michael- not getting any KStew love...

Poor Michael- not getting any KStew love...

Instead of being sexy, if that’s what you think it is, it’s actually just kinda annoying. And no one’s buying it, well, no one except these lesbians over here. Did you read that? Instead of being the fantasy couple for hot guys everywhere, you’re on your way to becoming the LiLo and SamRo of 2009.

Just some advice from a caring friend,
UnintendedChoice

(Apologizes to all Subaru-driving, Birkentstock wearing readers, lesbian or otherwise, but admit it, you laughed)

You gotta get lost to find yourself… and other life moments

newmooncoverDear Twilighters and Twilosphy Majors-

So as most of you know I’m currently rereading New Moon (edit, now finished) and I’ve read a bunch of comments and talked to a lot of people who say ‘Oh I skip that one,” or “I don’t read the part where he leaves, it’s too sad.” And I got to thinking… You CAN’T skip that part or an entire portion of their story. The story of Bella and Edward HAS to have this pain, this strife, this separation to make it REAL. To make it last. You can’t go from zero to sixty in a couple chapters and expect a healthy relationship.

Let’s take this to a ‘real world’ scenario. It’s the same thing if you’re in a relationship with someone and it gets too physical too quick. There isn’t that history or trust that you’ve built to fall back on. It’s all based on the superficial.

Same with Bella and Edward, a lot of us think their relationship is rushed in Twilight and it kinda is. And they’re brought together, for the most part, based on the physical, he’s drawn to her scent in an animalistic way (read MS) not because she’s different or new or whatever we want to romanticize it as, it’s straight lust. And she’s drawn to him because he’s designed that way, he’s the predator. Everyone about him “draws her in.” Of course I’m not trying to downplay the other aspects of their relationship but on the surface this is how it began and that simply can’t sustain a relationship.

well, this sucks

well, this sucks

From the time Edward leaves in New Moon and says goodbye (pg 72) to the first time Bella sees him in Italy (pg 451) (and he traces her lips in the dark, SWOON UC!) it takes 379 pages to get there! 379 pages out of 563 Bella spends WITHOUT Edward. There is simply NO other way around it. She HAD to go through the darkest part of her life (her new moon if you will) to figure out, ‘yea I could live without him,’  ‘I could be happy being with Jacob,’ or ‘I can be alright being by myself.’

Chapter 4
“Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”

Dear God! If that doesn’t speak to people, I don’t know what could. We’ve all been through back break ups, we’ve had someone close to us pass away, we’ve been dumped, we’ve been left, we’ve been by ourselves. But time still moves on. Painfully, yes. But can you ever grow or learn things about yourself or be reborn without the pain? Without time marching on?

If Edward hadn’t abandoned Bella (and yes, he does!), if she hadn’t gone through the pain of losing him, of feeling as if he was dead,  we couldn’t have an Eclipse or all the stuff that happens in Breaking Dawn. None of it would be supported or believable without the character development, the emotional development that Bella goes through in New Moon.

sniff sniff

sniff sniff

I previously thought New Moon was a bit of a snooze, that it lacked the action that the other books have, especially Eclipse but I’ve come to realize I think the series needs New Moon to balance it out emotionally. We need to have Bella’s character fleshed out and this exposition is absolutely necessary.

If Eclipse is the action than New Moon is the heart.

This makes me beyond excited and anxious and nervous for the movie adaptation. Can KStew pull this off? From what we’ve seen of her she’s a bit of a wet blanket and flounders around in the Bella character throughout Twilight. Watching interviews of her and seeing her portray of Bella makes me think more and more that’s she’s just playing herself, she’s the KStew version of Bella and we all know how interesting THAT is. We shall see if she can pull off this level of emotional intensity.

Until next time, Class dismissed!
Me, (themoonisdown)

PS discussion topic: do you need a ‘watershed moment’ (an edward leaving/a death/a whatever) to force this kind of change or self discovery?

Read previous Twilosophy sessions

We’re 2nd hand embarrassed v3

Dear Crazy Insane Twilight Fangirl-

Get a freaking grip. You are the reason why a lot of us feel ashamed about liking this series, or have to preface any declaration of Twi-love with “but I’m normal” or “seriously, it’s a really great series” or “it’s not JUST about vampires.” You losing your shit after finishing Breaking Dawn isn’t helping the cause any.

The fact that you’re all snot faced and unintelligible for like half the video is mind blowing… did you really think your friends at school wouldn’t see this? Or people like us?! We’re sooooo 2nd hand embarrassed right now.

Please seek mental help… or a good tissue company like Kleenex

Love (i guess)
Me (themoonisdown)

If you dare…  watch her follow up video titled “Still crying two hours after Breaking Dawn” after the jump

Continue reading

Another Unicorn sighting!

Guy at airport, rockin' a Twilight book

Guy at airport, rockin' a Twilight book

Dear Twilight,

On my way to Canada via Edmonton I saw this guy sitting reading Twilight. Of course, I was in shock.

He was alone. There was no girlfriend next to him reading New Moon. I really wanted to ask him who introduced him to Twilight and how is he liking it.

I finally got my boyfriend to read Twilight and now he’s on New Moon. He isn’t impressed but promised to read all books so we can talk about my favorite topic- Twilight:)

Twilight forever!
Rhonika

Twi-fans: We LOVE Unicorn sightings- send us yours at
letterstotwlight@gmail.com

The Dirt

twilight_movie-promoDear Twilight,

Seriously… we need some new news. This is all I’ve found in the past few days. Can’t we get something great like an announcement from Steph that she’s gonna release some juicy scenes she cut from Breaking Dawn that took place on Isle Esme? Come on now…

  • Wanna role-play your Edward/Bella fantasy this valentines day? Subtly hint to your lover with these bite me Twilight candies (I will be doing this in my bedroom which will be remodeled to look like Eddie’s)
  • This is what life would be like if Stephenie Meyer was the creator of Facebook: Meyerbook
  • Now you can make your 4 year old obsess about Twilight with these Twilight inspired cupcakes!
  • Do you think you might be a vampire? Take this quiz to find out (and then go straight to the crazy department at your local hospital b/c you’re crazy.)

That’s all.

Love,
Me (UnintendedChoice) xo

Baby, I’ve got the fever

tribe pride

tribe pride

Dear Twilight Fans-

It’s totally normal to have conversations like this on AIM at work with your friends after you’ve both just reread New Moon and are die hard nerds.

unintendedchoice
(11:10:21 AM):
i think i have a fever again 😦
unintendedchoice
(11:10:22 AM): uggh

themoonisdown (11:11:03 AM): what??
themoonisdown (11:11:16 AM): no way
themoonisdown (11:11:23 AM): dont become a werewolf
unintendedchoice (11:12:40 AM): hahahahahaa
unintendedchoice (11:12:55 AM): i’m trying to hold back the tremors!
themoonisdown (11:13:02 AM): HAHAHAHA
themoonisdown (11:13:06 AM): dont phase in the office
themoonisdown (11:13:11 AM): you could mess up some hot tubs
unintendedchoice (11:13:21 AM): and our store manager could end up like emily!
themoonisdown (11:13:37 AM): aw sad
themoonisdown (11:13:51 AM): just dont imprint on the stock guys 

We rule,
Me (themoonisdown)