LTT Podcast Episode 5 – All the family together at last!

Dear LTT-ers,

Guess what! We FINALLY joined the 21st century, figured out technology and Both UC and I AND The Font and White Yorkie are together at last on Episode 5 of the podcast. All our voices together at last discussing all the latest in the Twi-world, it’s like a chorus of angels singing. Kinda like when Robert Pattinson walks down the street. And I must admit it might be the best one we’ve done. For reals.

Episode 5 – Robert Pack-it-in-your-son Part 1 (right click save as)

• UC intros us!

• LTT is chosen to participate in the “fan junket” with Stephenie Meyer – White Yorkie & The Font react. They also give us ideas for questions as only they could.
  -Discussion of  the evolution of Stephenie Meyer’s writing
  -How our questions will be different
  -Moon is secretly dating the Twilight guy

The only acceptable ipod to listen to this podcast on

• Kristen’s Roadtrip
  -Rob Zombie and musical taste

• The Font and White Yorkie ask us about Ok Magazine
  -Masters of spin

• Official LTT Store
  -Reaction to the Unicorn tshirt
  -Send your pictures of you in LTT/LTR gear and the Font & White Yorkie will
  -Autographing underwear at Comic Con
  -White Yorkie’s type of ladies

• Big announcement!

• The LOD / Brit Pack

Reader Responses from last week – The Flash, Justin Long & Bruce Willis

• LTT Event during Eclipse week in Los Angeles

Or I guess this one is acceptable too...

Reader Questions

• Do guys really have a problem dating older women? If Bella can be with Edward who’s 107, why isn’t it the other way around? White Yorkie gets personal. What about the cougar phenomenon? UC gets personal

So there you have it! Part 1 of the whole podcasting family together at last. Wasn’t it great? Want more? Then you have to send us your questions, news topics for discussion, haiku’s to read, poetry and applications for the boys’ hearts! We work off your questions alone! EMAIL your questions to our special podcast email and hopefully your question will be featured on the next LTT podcast!

Happy Thursday!
Themoonisdown

PS If your name is NOT UC than PLEASE please read this post for a special announcement! Seriously, GO read it!

Need more LTT Podcasts in your life? Check em out!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Mr. Choice watches New Moon

Dear Unicorns, LTTers & those who care about a man’s opinion of New Moon,

Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary with Mr. Choice. This combined with my mention last week of not being done with New Moon quite yet really puts me in the mood to share with you an experience I had a week or so ago:

Mr. Choice said to me, on a Sunday afternoon, “I’d like to watch New Moon with you.” After I looked around for the “Pun’k” cameras and checked to feel if I still had a pulse, I asked him what I had to do in return. Apparently nothing (Well, there was a 30 second conversation about me needing to be in the “buff” in order for him to watch it, but I promised to make him popcorn instead. After 4 years of marriage I’ve learned what compromise means. And that sometimes food wins over sex) Watching New Moon with Mr. Choice was interesting. And embarrassing. And really kind of fun!

Here are his thoughts:

He did not know who the old woman was in the first scene despite Bella calling her “Gram” a few times

Have you seen my werthers? I seem to have misplaced them...

When Edward appeared in the field- he gasped. And Laughed. Then asked if I had a lady boner (I did)

Your werthers are in my pants...

Mr. Choice is a musician- a very talented one- and dreams of one day writing the score for a Twilight film. Before last night he had never heard the score to New Moon. Every night as I’m falling asleep I hear this song coming from his studio- it sounds JUST like the main theme from New Moon. I told him I thought that awhile back and he said he wrote the song in high school. Tonight, he said, “Desplat stole this shit from me. I have the original score in a box at my parents house.” He was pretty pissed the rest of the film…..Someone owes the Choice family a bunch of money…

When Jacob first appears outside of the school, he stops it and rewinds yelling IS THAT A MULLET!? Then we had to watch it in slow mo while I took this screen shot:

After Alice gives Bella her bday present and Jasper wishes her a happy birthday (well, he starts to wish her a happy birthday and then says “Nevermind…”) we had this conversation:

Mr. Choice: Why is he mean?
UC: He just controlled her mind right there. And then afterwards he noticed/felt how mad she was. So he decided not to follow through with his birthday wish. Plus he has a really bad wig. So he doesn’t know how else to act

During the famous line “You’re my only reason to stay alive (awkward pause) if that’s what I am (awkward Pause),” Mr. Choice yelled, “HE IS NOT GOOD!”

When the blood fell to the floor I heard the biggest, fakest GASP of his life. And then utter laughter when Edward goes after Jasper & pushes Bella out of the way. And then lastly, there was some true concern for the piano.

During the birthday kiss by the truck- the one we’ve talked about many times (aka the one I heard in the theater when the screen went black)

Mr. Choice yells, “DID HE JUST ROCK IT!?” I laughed and said, “I told you about how it sounds like they’re having sex when you close your eyes.” And he said- “NO. LOOK.” Then rewound it (it took us like 5 hours to watch the movie with all the rewinding), and put it on slow mo. He’s right. Something happened. Maybe the gaffer took the mic from below and gave Rob the ultimate tickle or something, but he definitely, using Mr. Choice’s choice of words, “ROCKED IT”

Oh yeah Gaffer.... right there.... right there...

Tragedy occurs, Mr. Choice adds lines & we find out how to make an Edward fort after the jump!

We be podcasting again Episode 4… East Coast/West Coast podcast wars challenge!

Dear LTT-ers,

Guess what! We podcasted again… well White Yorkie and I podcasted because The Font left our asses for the east coast and in an effort to ignite the east coast/ west coast rap wars again we decided to challenge our east coast counter parts to a podcast-off. Only way nerdier and lamer, because it’s bloggers podcasting about Twilight and not rappers capping asses and such. BRING IT EAST COAST! UC and The Font need to get together and talk some vampires and werewolves IN PERSON!

You name the time and the questions and we’ll be ready to kick butt. If we can pull ourselves away from the beach/movie theater/concert venue/sunny day long enough to do it…

So without further adieu the White Yorkie wears Jorts and I don’t for our special west coast edition podcast!

Episode 4 – Total Eclipse of my heart (right click save as)

I can't stand these people but I can't stop listening!

Eclipse Soundtrack – White Yorkie bashes my career aspirations, etc.

Listen to us get interrupted

Eclipse trailer

Breaking Dawn – Condon, contract negotiations, the birth scene

Reader Questions –
Do you mind being classified as a unicorn?

White Yorkie and The Font meet some of our readers – the aftermath

Would our readers date unicorns? Some of our readers are called out!

The new girl in town. Real life Bella’s and “new girl goggles.” Does this really happen in real life?

White Yorkie gets out nerded and I laugh a lot.  – The Flash vs. Superman?

Star Wars vs Twilight. Who would win in a battle to the death? Han, Chewie and Luke vs Aro, Caius, Marcus

A #goo haiku from Janetrigs

So let us know in the comments if you want us to put a hit out on the Font and UC till they podcast and continue sending in your questions to LTTpodcast@gmail.com

Happy Listening and Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Past podcasts here!

Do you love the term “new girl goggles” as much as I do? Can you wait to meet White Yorkie and the Font soon? Should our gang sign be a two fingers pointed down to represent fangs?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

It’s Business Time:

Two fun things to tell you about today. First, the gals over at the forum, headed up by JodieO & Lindelle, have started a HARRY POTTER BOOK CLUB. If you haven’t read the books, get over there now. I’m serious. You’ll love them. They’re better than Twilight. And if you have read them, get over there now to re-read and make some new friends. Harry Potter LTT Book Club

Bite Me Edward Notepads

You know how we love those Bite Me Edward Notepads you always see on our sidebar? Well, Jenny, the designer, emailed to tell us they are on SALE! WHOO HOO! You can stock up for gifts & for yourself & for Moon & I because I seriously use mine every day (I lost mine & Jenny sent me a new one because she’s the best!) The sale is: 15% off your entire purchase or as many Bite ME pads as one could ever want….. code: eclipse good from today – July 15th, 2010. Stock up today!

Twilight Unicorns, Dads & gynecologists

Hardcore Twilight Lover

Dear people who aren’t as excited as I am that it’s Friday but who are probably still pretty excited,

Did you catch how I mentioned on last weekend’s Open Post that one day while in Mexico I was relaxing by myself in a chair in the pool & I looked to my left and saw a woman, who I swear had a tattoo that looked vaguely familiar- (red flowing ribbon? I didn’t want to stare too hard but I considered pretending to take a picture of the iguana hanging out a few feet beyond her), whose husband settled in a chair next to her and whipped out a Twilight book- just like that. In public. Dude. I don’t even think I’d do that anymore. Cause if I did, guarantee someone sees it who’s a non-normal Twihard and wants to talk stuff that normally makes my pulse race, but not on VACATION. While other PEOPLE are around! Or she’d be sorta a fan, and in conversation with her I’d say something that makes it OBVIOUS I know way too much about this stuff…. Either way- lose, lose. No Twilight books in public for me! So it was a shocker to see this Unicorn be so open about it! I really wanted to ask him some questions. I almost got up the nerve to ask him for a picture. Dammit- I should have interviewed him. I was on my 3rd Caprina drink & it was 11 am.. what was WRONG with me!?

Anyway, seeing my Unicorn on vacation got me missing the good ol’ days when we’d spot Unicorns on planes, in our chat sessions, in the beds next to us & in the break room at work. They may be harder to spot these days, but as evidenced by the following letters, they are still out there!

We need to get your dad one of THESE- A Dadcase to hold books 1-4. PLUS there's room for the New Moon lunchbox & thermos- perfect to tote your midday snack at work!

Dear LTT,

I had to share my Dad’s thought’s on Twilight… Yes, he has thoughts on Twilight!

First of all, my Dad is almost 60. He reads constantly – good literature, autobiographies, history. He’s been known to preview movies before letting his kids watch them, just to make sure that there weren’t any unexpected and HUGELY offensive surprises. Of course, now his youngest child is 30 so he didn’t really need to worry about what we might discover in these “teen books”!  So…why did he read ALL 4 BOOKS? Because he has two grown daughters who haven’t been able to get over them. We’ve been discreet but little things outing our enthusiasm occasionally slip past our self constructed censors… (i.e. I took a trip to visit my sister in Paris and we just so happened to wait in line with all of the Parisian twihards to see New Moon on opening weekend!)  They all added up to him becoming a little intrigued

So with shock and awe I lent him my precious 4 books. Here is his review (yes, he reviewed them without my prompting! He does things like that!):

“Okay, first, I’ll try not to give away the details as half the interest of a series on vampires and acquaintances is in the unfolding of the narrative.

Second, I surprised myself by really enjoying all four books – there is no way the movies can do justice … but I might sneak a peek at one of them anyway.

4 books:
Book 1 – good start for the first 25%, bogged down in the second 50% making me think this might really be chick romance literature with a few twists, but the last 25% was action filled and full of suspense.

Book 2 – Okay, vampires AND werewolves no less. Interesting, nothing so goofy that you can’t make yourself pretend its plausible – after all, we are reading about vampires …

Book 3 – Another twist! And another! and one or two more – the author keeps adding in “life” and this reader keeps reading to see if nothing else whether she can keep this tale together.

Book 4 – I could hardly bear another book – what else could the author do with this saga, and this book at least looks bigger than any of the first three… Well, she found new directions, and carried through. This one was a page turner 75% of the time. This reader was trapped in a story that simply had to be read, as I had no idea where it would go.

And from this saga, the author is able to speak on themes of love, loyalty, family, “extended family,” responsibility, decision making, trustworthiness, choices, regrets, etc that teens might not want to read of in any other way.

I know it should NOT be sold with a small group study guide … but it could be.”

Truly, this twilight thing IS like a drug! Could there actually be other Dad’s out there reading Twilight too??

Still in shock,
Sarah

A Unicorn…. at the gynecologist?  Oh yeah, read it after the jump!

A Rebuttle: The Font wants to talk about the Leg Hitch and life and 93 Buicks

*Because we like to beat dead horses here at LTT and because the Font has a response to my letter from yesterday that you need to read and then hug someone after, here he is to talk about his take on The Leg Hitch*

Hey Twi-Fans.

How are you? Good? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.

So what’s been going on since we last talked? Oh, did someone write gay fan fiction about you and a close friend? Did you get yelled at on Twitter about Michael Vick by someone who is now blurring the line between fan and friend? Did a pretty girl you were interested in refer to you as “that Twilight guy” in person? No, no, sorry. I’m getting your life confused with mine.

But listen. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about Leg Hitch or whatever the fuck it’s called.

I cannot believe all of you women are getting this excited about dry sex. Seriously.

Yeah, sure, foreplay’s exciting NOW. Where were you when a generation of teenage males were locking themselves in their rooms eight times a day? If you would have asked a fourteen year old Font “hey buddy, what do you want to do all day?” I would have responded “dry sex and video games.” Maybe something about collectible card games if you caught me in the right month.

Now, I certainly was not unwillingly abstinent from dry sex for too long in my teenage years (thank you Cinco De Mayo pageant queens), and I harbor no grudges about teenagers being slow to give into their Font-related jean-on-jean urges. I get it. They were young and confused.

BUT. My point is this. When Moon explained what it actually was, I got confused, because that is like rank amateur shit. I was “leg hitching” in the back of my 1993 Buick Skylark before I was legal to drive it. It is not a complicated procedure. It is also not that uncommon.

It’s sort of like someone explaining to a pitcher what a curveball is. He’s almost going to get confused about what they’re talking about, because it’s so simple. What’s the big deal? Put your hand in the ‘C’ shape, twist and swing it over the corner of the plate. You’ve done it a thousand times before you got out of little league.

[Please appreciate how hard it was to not make a sex joke in the previous paragraph.]

All this to say! You are not really excited about Leg Hitching. You are excited about having a man desperately in love with you finally being willing to profess that love in a tangibly physical way. If there’s a takeaway for the legions of fourteen year old girls that I know read this blog daily: it’s that sex (even dry sex) matters.

None of the dudes you fall in love with is going to be as pretty as Edward, or have his literally rock hard abs. That is science. But they can love you the way that he does: not just cause you’re gonna give it up, or because he doesn’t like being alone, or because you’re a prop in the production that is his life.

And T&A is plentiful. There are always more nineteen year olds with tighter abs and thinner thighs, there’s always a new exciting girl with new noises and new things to say about how interesting your job/car/suit is.

But the SOUL, right? That stays. That’s eternal. You love a woman for something you can’t see, you’ll be there for awhile.

There’s an Edward out there for you. Some dude you’ll get excited about basic sex moves for. It’s worth separating the wheat from the chaff.

Yes, I actually wrote a post about the value of sex while using a vampire metaphor.

Until the next time someone says something dumb that upsets me,

The Font

Number one, let’s get mad at The Font for calling us 14 year old girls when clearly we don’t allow them here (although they occasionally sneak on. Hey little girl- Taylor Lautner probably likes boys now- you need to go on a Justin Bieber fan site.) Secondly, what do you think? Is The Font, gulp, right? Thirdly, do you like how I got carried away with all the motivational posters? Those are so addicting. Oh, and The Font thought of ALL of them!

Kinda think you might be crushin’ on “The Twilight Guy?” Read more from him

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Open Post hosted by Tweed Day and Angry Men

Dear LTTers,

This weekend’s Open Post is hosted by none other than TWEED DAY. Yes- THAT’S RIGHT!!! Today you don’t need an excuse to put on your tweed and have a good time. It’s actually a national holiday (who cares for which nation) Directly from a very random website:

When : Always April 3rd

Tweed Day celebrates one of two things. Either it celebrates the warm, fashionable woolen clothing that originated in Scotland. Seemingly always in fashion, Tweed keeps you warm and looks good, too. It should come as no surprise to learn that tweed is more popular in the north, and not often worn in the south.

Or,…it celebrates the birthday of a corrupt , New York City politician.

Are you saying “what the?” like we are? Read all about it here. We don’t really care about the traditional celebration of National Tweed Day. Today let’s celebrate our favorite man in tweed, Edward Cullen:

Sigh… so Grandpa-ish yet so hot. Thanks Claudia for the heads up!

But OH! We’re not done. Because this weekend is a holiday weekend and sometimes we feel generous on holidays, this open post is hosted by SOMEONE ELSE too. It is hosted by angry men who have lost their women to Twilight…

(Seriously I know this song is SO bad, but just get through it- it’s worth it!!)

When I first saw this video I was just STRUCK with how similar the lives of Twilight lovers are. Sure we look different, act different and ARE different… but at the end of the day… we’ve given up a HUGE chunk of our lives and dedicated it to this VAMPIRE story… much to the dismay of the men in our lives! I laughed so hard because I seriously think my husband has had the exactly conversation or complaint of me like in this video at least once a day for the last year and 1/2 (without the awful music!)

Hoppy Easter, enjoy passover or just have a good weekend!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks again Claudia & thanks to Jennifer for the video!!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

It’s time to talk more Twilight with dudes! Podcast Volumes 2 and 3

It's this intense

Dear LTT-ers,

We’re back for another episode of the untitled LTT/LTR Podcast with us and The Font and White Yorkie where we discuss what’s hot and what’s not in the Twilight fandom, answer your reader questions, call each other by our real names repeatedly and get in on air fights! What’s not to love?

As you can tell we’re still working on the iTune podcast store but if you happen to be handy with creating an RSS/XML file, by all means email us!

Without further adieu… Let’s get on with the show!

Kellan loves listening to the podcast while he travels!

Episode 2 – Breaking Your Dawn (right click save as to download)
Stuff covered
We watch the Eclipse trailer
Victoria’s weave
Editor switch – will we ever get to see David Slade’s original cut?
Name dropping
Runaways – creeped out by teens in bustiers

Reader Questions
Twitter
Naming children after fictional characters?
Why is Twilight ridiculous?
Midnight Sun
What are the redeeming qualities in SMeyer’s vampires?
The guys make a promise they maybe won’t keep
How do they explain their involvement in Twilight/LTT/LTR to girls?
Do you take any tips from Edward or Jacob into your real life?
WTF is a vampire senate?
Twilight Merchandise! The action figures, the comic book “female force”
Comic Book recs
Nerd talk about action figures

Can’t get enough? Want to know more? EPISODE THREE AFTER THE CUT!

Are you ready for this?! It’s LTT PODCAST time!!

LTT/LTR Podcast... it's this intense

Dear LTT-ers,

Ever wanted to hear my sexy smokers voice? Or how about the high pitched voices of guys talking about Twilight? Well you guys asked for it and as they say “ask and ye shall receieve.” We heard tons of feedback from you guys about our recent letters from folks like The Font and White Yorkie and thought it was time to take this dog and pony show to the airwaves. That’s right we recorded the first episode to our very own PodCast! We covered your questions, what’s new in the Twidom and had a lot of laughs in between. And besides we just like to hear ourselves talk (cue hater comments).

The PodCast will be available on iTunes soon (once we get approved!) so you will be able to sync you ipod and get the latest podcasts as we upload them. But for today we’re linking to the file so that you can download and listen! Unless you work with sailors, I’d probably recommend using earphones. Get ready to laugh, cry, grab you pitckforks and beg for me…

The Untitled PodCast by LTT/LTR (catchy, huh?!)

They said WHAAATT??

Episode One, Part One! (download it here, right click on the link and save as)
Hosted by Moon (UC was being a nerdstar and getting our servers migrated, she will join us next time!)
The Font and White Yorkie

Stuff covered:
Let’s get to know The Font & White Yorkie
News – What’s up with the lack of Eclipse Exclusives, Ashley Greene, Gender bender recasts, Rob in Details
Reader Questions/Our Questions – Team Jacob/Team Edward, Mythology/Folklore in Twilight (or lack thereof), Drinking like a man, Leghitch 2010, Erogenous zones, how Twilight should have gone, My murderous tendencies, Rob’s Style, Professional Drinking…
Lots of tangents!

DOWNLOAD IT NOW!!!!!! We will be posting part two next week and fingers crossed it will be up on iTunes for you to subscribe to! Have a question for the next episode of our Untitled podcast? Think we’re awesome, think we’re stupid, have a topic you want covered? EMAIL US!

Let’s chat it up!
Themoonisdown

And now a special note from my sister in law. Her salon is hosting a Cut-a-thon for Haiti this Sunday, February 21st in the LA area. Are you in the LA area and need a supa dupa fly hair style for half the normal price? Then get on down to Allen Edwards and bring some money for a good cause! We’re talking amazing professional stylists who work on celebs (and me!) cutting your hair for a good cause! Have more questions or want to get a fab cut in honor of Haiti? Check out this flyer (click to enlarge) and call up the salon!

(donations starting at $35)

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

White Yorkie has some questions for you and remembers Comic Con 2008

*Hey guys, remember The Font? Remember the splash he caused a week ago? Well we’re back with The Font’s (and my) friend, who is also intrigued by you folks! He decided to write you a letter and explain his side of things.*

Just imagine the white version

Greetings, Letters to Twilight readers, commenters, and stalkers.

I am a good friend of your favorite new contributor, The Font.  I, too, am a straight dude.  You may call me White Yorkie.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous in depth discussions/confusion sessions with people (The Font and Moon included) concerning the Twilight phenomenon.  Lately though, the inability for my friends to not mention Twilight when we’re together is pushing me to the brink of insanity.  Usually resulting in making me irritable, angry, and unpleasant.

Where are you White Yorkie? Is that you w/ the camcorder?

My bewilderment began at Comic-Con 08 in the now infamous Hall H pandemonium inducing panel discussion.  At the time, Twilight wasn’t on my radar whatsoever.  I’d never even heard of it.  So you can imagine my surprise when the cast arrived onstage and 3,000 screaming girls (and their mothers) nearly deafened me.  WTF can’t even begin to describe the look on my face and the utter horror welling up in my heart.   I was there for panels on comics, comic-based movies, and to look at/buy copious amounts of actions figures.  So who were these teeny-emo-vamps and why had they taken over my joyous Comic-Con experience?  Surely this unheard of movie (to me) didn’t warrant a coveted spot in Hall H!  And then the panel started…

Yup, that's my hair up there

First, the Q&A.

First observation: Kristen Stewart (codename: SleepyFace), apparently touches her hair just as much off-screen as she does on.  And it’s not like I didn’t like her, she just seemed bored out of her skull (read: scared out of her MIND).  I just wanted the madness to be over so I could see my exclusive Watchmen footage and then get back to discussing the minutiae of how my friends and I would revise the Star Wars saga to our liking.

Wait, you don't see the allure here?

And then they started asking You-Know-Who some questions.  Each and every time their beloved R. Pattzy opened his mouth to answer, he was greeted by minutes of shrieking.  He couldn’t even speak.  And when he did, you couldn’t hear a dang thing.  I kept having flashbacks of old footage from Beatles and Michael Jackson concerts with hordes of psychotic fans being carried away due to fainting/convulsions.  What in the name of Alan Moore was happening?  This poor, seemingly soft-spoken actor, was in serious danger of having his clothes ripped off or just complete dismemberment as a result of some crazed stage-rushing fiasco.  In my entire life, I had never encountered something like this.  And I was terrified.  What and who has tapped into these girls’/mothers’ hearts and minds that makes them act this way?  And HOW did they do it?

Find out more plus a special announcement after the cut

Moons friend is a Twilight comment whore, but not the way you think

*When my friend told me he skims our posts but reads our comments religiously every day I knew he had to write a letter to you all. And after much (read: me asking) convincing he has written a little love letter to you all so without further adieu I present to you my friend and fellow “Little People, Big World” lover…*

I'm pretty sure he would never be caught dead in this shirt

Dear Twi-Hards,

Let me write a quick introduction: I’m a dude. I’m straight. If my brothers knew that I was writing an entry for a blog called Letters to Twilight, they would kick my ass, assuming they know what Twilight is.

I’ve read the first book, and get the general gist of the rest of the series (girl meets vampire, falls for him, vampire leaves for some reason, nice guy werewolf tries to pick of the pieces, something about a Vampire Senate, vampire C-section, werewolf trying to fuck a baby, ecetera ecetera).

And let me be very clear about this: my involvement with the Twilight series began as something entirely mercenary. I had an outside shot at working for someone involved with the Twilight franchise (Twi-chise? Twi-fran? Team Franchise?) so that’s why I read the book and watched the first flick (in the theaters, no less!).

Now, I don’t like Twilight. At it’s best, it reads like well-crafted Buffy fan-fiction, and at it’s worst, it reads like an abstinent goth teenager ate a bad piece of soy-based pizza and watched that Ann Rice vampire movie with Brad Pitt.

The main character is bland, and has no redeeming qualities other than smelling nice or something. And she’s pretty? It’s saying a lot that I can’t remember anything about her other than those two facts.

Edward is basically a really good-looking vampire version of that guy that used to give you a lot of mixtapes, even after he told you that he just wanted to be friends. If Bella had any sense, she’d just make Edward do her homework and help her pick outfits for the shooting guard of Fork’s basketball team. Maybe one time she could get really drunk and let him feel her up, but then she’d have to hear about how it was the greatest night of his life for the next year and a half.

Jacob is a puppy dog (GET IT?!) sort of doofy dude who would probably end up being really cool in college and then marrying someone who’s probably too good-looking for him, but he’d be too dumb to be self conscious about it. I actually kind of like the guy, which makes the part at the end about him wanting to bang an infant all the more terrible.

Oh the power of the comments... just a click away from infamy or stupidity

But, all this being said, I am fucking addicted to reading this blog. Like, to the point of absurdity. It’s the first thing I read at work, which I’m sure would be enough to allow me to be castrated in Uganda (topical joke!).

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART! The worst part is that every work day, about a half hour it’s quitting time, I refresh the blog entry and start on the comments.

Oh, the comments. That’s what keeps me coming back, ladies. You have no idea. I start, and I go until my little heart can’t take any more. They’re like my own personal version of low-grade methamphetamine’s, except that they’re distributed by WordPress and not biker gangs.

Follow the cut to read the rest of his crazy fascination with your lovely commenters!