A Unicorn strikes again

I don’t know about you but I miss talking about Unicorns. It’s been SO long that I bet a bunch of you even assume we’re talking about the “Unicorns” from the Fan Fic “Wide Awake.” No, no, no. I mean the REAL Unicorns. You know, the mythical creatures- a GUY who likes the Twilight saga. Here is a Unicorn story that was sent to us that I just had to share!

Kaleb Nation- the original Unicorn

Dear Unicorn Boy at the AMC,

So, I arrived for my 12th (yes, 12, what has happened to my life?…) viewing of New Moon.  Now there is usually a relatively predictable crowd at each viewing; a few girls out for a ladies’ night hoping to swoon over Edward and the fABulous Jacob, girls who have boyfriends nice enough to go see the movie only because the wolves looked pretty cool in the trailer and the occasional family with younger children, who obviously have a Twilight fan for a mother. However, you, darling unicorn boy made this particular show oh so special.

I settled in, surrounded by the regular crowd of viewers and in you waltzed (late, but I will overlook that) with your baggy pants and comb sticking out of your hair, clearly not your typical Twilight fan. You sat right down in the second row with your popcorn and glued your eyes to the screen. Now I will admit I wondered if you were lost or drunk, or perhaps both. Maybe you thought the sign outside said Avatar or maybe that other vampire movie Daybreakers. I waited to see if perhaps your girlfriend just hadn’t stumbled in yet, but no you were all alone.

At first I barely noticed you once Edward appeared onscreen but then I heard you laugh and realized you were not to be ignored. I had to see your reactions. I watched your shock as Jasper tries to attack Bella, I heard your roaring (and slightly over-the-top) laughter as Bella sits sandwiched between Mike and Jacob at the movies and just as I was starting to like you, you ruined it all. As Jacob made his jump from the window after trying to help Bella figure out the truth, you yell out “He’s a mother f***kin’ wolf, girl!!”. Now I won’t lie, I laughed, because that’s just funny but was it really necessary? Perhaps I wouldn’t have found this so obnoxious if you hadn’t done what you did next. You answered your phone! Yes, right there in the movie, you answered your phone. Here you sat, my very own unicorn to gawk at and you turn out to be totally full of crazysauce!

Is Rob Pattinson a Unicorn?

So your conversation ended and your awkward laughter, weird head-bobbing and random comments continued. You really enjoyed the Volturi scene, I could tell, your eyes were wide and your mouth hung open. After the movie was over, I was so hoping to chat with you but you totally bolted, perhaps not wanting to face anyone else in the theater, because we all heard you…and laughed at you, er, with you I mean…

Anyways, while I won’t compare you to my other unicorn friend, because he knows how to act in a movie, I will say you were one-of-a-kind. And I just want to thank you for making it worth the 70 miles I drove to the theater and the $10 I spent to see a movie I had already seen 11 times before.

I can’t deny that you were entertaining and I’ll admit you’re right, he is a mother f***kin’ wolf.

Love,
The girl 3 rows behind you and a little to the left, who found you just delightful.

There! Doesn’t’ it feel good to talk about those kinds of Unicorns? Share your recent Unicorn stories today in the comments! And get caught up on our Unicorn archive

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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White Yorkie has some questions for you and remembers Comic Con 2008

*Hey guys, remember The Font? Remember the splash he caused a week ago? Well we’re back with The Font’s (and my) friend, who is also intrigued by you folks! He decided to write you a letter and explain his side of things.*

Just imagine the white version

Greetings, Letters to Twilight readers, commenters, and stalkers.

I am a good friend of your favorite new contributor, The Font.  I, too, am a straight dude.  You may call me White Yorkie.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous in depth discussions/confusion sessions with people (The Font and Moon included) concerning the Twilight phenomenon.  Lately though, the inability for my friends to not mention Twilight when we’re together is pushing me to the brink of insanity.  Usually resulting in making me irritable, angry, and unpleasant.

Where are you White Yorkie? Is that you w/ the camcorder?

My bewilderment began at Comic-Con 08 in the now infamous Hall H pandemonium inducing panel discussion.  At the time, Twilight wasn’t on my radar whatsoever.  I’d never even heard of it.  So you can imagine my surprise when the cast arrived onstage and 3,000 screaming girls (and their mothers) nearly deafened me.  WTF can’t even begin to describe the look on my face and the utter horror welling up in my heart.   I was there for panels on comics, comic-based movies, and to look at/buy copious amounts of actions figures.  So who were these teeny-emo-vamps and why had they taken over my joyous Comic-Con experience?  Surely this unheard of movie (to me) didn’t warrant a coveted spot in Hall H!  And then the panel started…

Yup, that's my hair up there

First, the Q&A.

First observation: Kristen Stewart (codename: SleepyFace), apparently touches her hair just as much off-screen as she does on.  And it’s not like I didn’t like her, she just seemed bored out of her skull (read: scared out of her MIND).  I just wanted the madness to be over so I could see my exclusive Watchmen footage and then get back to discussing the minutiae of how my friends and I would revise the Star Wars saga to our liking.

Wait, you don't see the allure here?

And then they started asking You-Know-Who some questions.  Each and every time their beloved R. Pattzy opened his mouth to answer, he was greeted by minutes of shrieking.  He couldn’t even speak.  And when he did, you couldn’t hear a dang thing.  I kept having flashbacks of old footage from Beatles and Michael Jackson concerts with hordes of psychotic fans being carried away due to fainting/convulsions.  What in the name of Alan Moore was happening?  This poor, seemingly soft-spoken actor, was in serious danger of having his clothes ripped off or just complete dismemberment as a result of some crazed stage-rushing fiasco.  In my entire life, I had never encountered something like this.  And I was terrified.  What and who has tapped into these girls’/mothers’ hearts and minds that makes them act this way?  And HOW did they do it?

Find out more plus a special announcement after the cut
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