Moons friend is a Twilight comment whore, but not the way you think

*When my friend told me he skims our posts but reads our comments religiously every day I knew he had to write a letter to you all. And after much (read: me asking) convincing he has written a little love letter to you all so without further adieu I present to you my friend and fellow “Little People, Big World” lover…*

I'm pretty sure he would never be caught dead in this shirt

Dear Twi-Hards,

Let me write a quick introduction: I’m a dude. I’m straight. If my brothers knew that I was writing an entry for a blog called Letters to Twilight, they would kick my ass, assuming they know what Twilight is.

I’ve read the first book, and get the general gist of the rest of the series (girl meets vampire, falls for him, vampire leaves for some reason, nice guy werewolf tries to pick of the pieces, something about a Vampire Senate, vampire C-section, werewolf trying to fuck a baby, ecetera ecetera).

And let me be very clear about this: my involvement with the Twilight series began as something entirely mercenary. I had an outside shot at working for someone involved with the Twilight franchise (Twi-chise? Twi-fran? Team Franchise?) so that’s why I read the book and watched the first flick (in the theaters, no less!).

Now, I don’t like Twilight. At it’s best, it reads like well-crafted Buffy fan-fiction, and at it’s worst, it reads like an abstinent goth teenager ate a bad piece of soy-based pizza and watched that Ann Rice vampire movie with Brad Pitt.

The main character is bland, and has no redeeming qualities other than smelling nice or something. And she’s pretty? It’s saying a lot that I can’t remember anything about her other than those two facts.

Edward is basically a really good-looking vampire version of that guy that used to give you a lot of mixtapes, even after he told you that he just wanted to be friends. If Bella had any sense, she’d just make Edward do her homework and help her pick outfits for the shooting guard of Fork’s basketball team. Maybe one time she could get really drunk and let him feel her up, but then she’d have to hear about how it was the greatest night of his life for the next year and a half.

Jacob is a puppy dog (GET IT?!) sort of doofy dude who would probably end up being really cool in college and then marrying someone who’s probably too good-looking for him, but he’d be too dumb to be self conscious about it. I actually kind of like the guy, which makes the part at the end about him wanting to bang an infant all the more terrible.

Oh the power of the comments... just a click away from infamy or stupidity

But, all this being said, I am fucking addicted to reading this blog. Like, to the point of absurdity. It’s the first thing I read at work, which I’m sure would be enough to allow me to be castrated in Uganda (topical joke!).

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART! The worst part is that every work day, about a half hour it’s quitting time, I refresh the blog entry and start on the comments.

Oh, the comments. That’s what keeps me coming back, ladies. You have no idea. I start, and I go until my little heart can’t take any more. They’re like my own personal version of low-grade methamphetamine’s, except that they’re distributed by WordPress and not biker gangs.

Follow the cut to read the rest of his crazy fascination with your lovely commenters!

It's a gateway drug...

Sometimes I see Moon and have to remind myself that maybe she doesn’t want to talk about her blog comments all day, and that she is a human being with feelings and opinions on things other than Twilight and it’s related ephemera. My brain has a mental countdown that tells me when it’s been long enough that I can bring them up. (In case you’re wondering, it is more than ten minutes, but less than half an hour. Also, I refuse to interrupt another conversation to talk about blog comments. I have standards, people.)

But all (some) joking aside, I am enthralled by them. Why do you care so much? How can you care so much and still be literate? Why can (most of you) you recognize that it’s poorly written, but still have such a deep affection for it? What don’t I understand about this?

World peace and solving gender issues is just 4 books away...

I really feel like if I could understand why women (and one gay dude) love this so much, I could be able to solve all gender-related arguments, and create a social utopia in which no one is from either Mars nor Venus. Somewhere buried deep within the subconscious of the voracious Twilight reader lies the key to true understanding of the fairer sex.

Tell me what it is, internet commenters! Also, if you could not tell my brothers about this blog entry, that would be great.

(I feel like I should name myself after something clever in the books, but I don’t really remember anything I liked in the books. Oh wait! I can call myself–)

The Font.

OHHH The Font what can we tell you? Can we answer the age old question why do we love these books so much? Are there any other lurkers who love the comments as much as The Font? Why are they better than what we have to say?🙂 And don’t forget to give The Font some major props for writing you a hilarious letter… XO Moon

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

333 Responses

  1. Yes, it’s not the BEST work of literature, but it’s all about the story!! Some of us were chatting about this last night and SMeyer is a fantastic story teller, it just draws you in and you CAN’T. STOP. READING. over and over and over again. And quite frankly I’m a sucker for a happily ever after, and the saga gives one of the best HEA ever, it’s an HEA for eternity.

    Then that leads to finding LTT and “meeting” everyone here and to be honest the people are what keep me coming back everyday, not necessarily Twilight. Not to mention if I didn’t have the forum I’d be doing wayyyy too much work, there’s no need for my employer to know my full potential like that.

    Oh and there might be a guy named Rob involved in it all…

    • “full potential” HAha! i agree about the story though. shes a story teller maybe not the best writer

    • Dude.. I cannot help to say, bt I wear those similar shoes. I never understand why Guys would hav to like Twilight, bt then, my everyday starts with this blog and readin these fierceful comments. Keeps me Glued all time. Although I rarely like to comment here, jst coz of the same reason, I dont even wanna mention.. You guys out there understand. Just tht word fraeks me out…
      But wotever…
      This Blog Creators Rock!! Hats off ma fellas…

  2. Ooops forgot to say that I loved the letter The Font! Good for you putting yourself out there like that, if only more men were as ballsy as you the world would be a better place🙂

  3. Dear The Font,

    I think it’s got something to do with rediscovering that teenage girl inside that used to dream of a perfect guy like Edward. See, she got scared away by real-life experiences with boys. Take a girl’s first kiss: like duh, she’s dreamed it would be like Bella and Edward’s first kiss (minus the wanting to kill her part, although that adds nicely to the sexual tension) since she was 11. But their actual first kiss is probably going to be loaded with embarrasment, awkwardness and disappointment. Dude, I remember my first kiss. It involved the boy saying “So do you know how that tongue thing works? I’d love to try that out.” Aaaaawkwaaaarrrrd. So, unfortunately, girls soon realize that real world boys are not Edward, and we soon learn that to have even a remote shot at a happy relationship, we must lower our standards. Considerably. (Sorry The Font… that’s how it is. Although we know at some level that boys can’t help it entirely that they’re not Edward.)

    So what Twilight does for us is to create an escape back into that imaginary world where we were untainted by real-life awkwardness with boys, and where we dreamt our first and only boyfriend would be exactly like Edward. it gives us back that innocence, even though, rationally and through experience, we know better.

    You may think that this makes Twilight detrimental for real-life relationships out there, since, let’s face it, no human guy is capable of living up to Edward’s standards. But fear not… soon enough, Twi-loving ladies discover fanfic… and all will be well again. Trust.

    • you said it perfectly Not an Addict. It brought me back to the time of first love, having those butterflies and anticipation about meeting up the that guy you cant stand to be apart from. Though he has the same sexual desires as a man, he remains respectful and chivalrous. He’s protective and wants the best for bella, even if that means giving her up (you MUST read Midnight Sun Font to get the bigger picture here!).
      Anyhow, the book just takes you back to a time in life of new love. The fact is that this book could never solve the age old mystery of the sexes, because we all know that that “new love” feeling doesnt last forever. There was a time when I felt like that about my husband, I assure you I dont have that same feeling anymore. ..and that’s okay. I hate to even admit this, but i have to believe that edward and bella will at some time in their relationship lose that feeling as well, despite S. Meyer’s attempts at making it sound like that never happens… “once a vampire is changed, they are changed forever”- well, good luck. (sorry, i’ll probably get a lot of thumbs down for that statement-dont get me wrong, in my fantasy world E & B have hot vampire sex daily, okay?)

      Finally, the best thing about twilight that keeps me coming back for more?….ROB F*ing PATTINSON!! You think these comments are funny? Have you checked out Letters to Rob? Talk about fantasy land!

      By the way Font, you MUST blog with us and respond to some of our comments to you!! I’d love to know what you’re thinking about some of the stuff that’s said🙂

      • oh sorry, that first paragraph is about Edward, somehow i forgot to state his name, it’s Edward who’s respectful and chivalrous, NOT my first love! yeah right, like a human teenage boy could be all that!

      • he reads both. he’s a fan.

        • Does The Font know all about Twi fan fiction?

    • Ah yes, I forgot how much our husbands/boyfriends “benefit” from our Twilight addiction.

      Trust me, they may not know it, but they should appreciate Twilight. 🙂

      • Here here!

        • Oh Looooord!!!
          This is my first time commenting on LTT, I usually hang around LTR more. So that’s why I haven’t noticed and told you this sooner:

          IABSOLUTELYFUCKINGLLLOVE your name!!!

          I’m sure I’ve woken up all my neighbors (4 a.m. in Austria) with the sound (and I have to confess that it was the weirdest sound ever) I made when I saw it.

          Anyways, it’s brilliant!

    • Just so we’re all clear, responding to comments on a blog about Twilight is actually worse than writing an entry for said blog. I can actually feel my masculinity seeping out of me, and going to watch a UFC fight.

      But this isn’t about me! This is about Twilight! Or Edward! Or something!

      All of this to say, I get going back to the perfect dude of your childhood thing. Really. I guess I just wish I had realized that teenage girls wanted dudes who followed them around and threatened to kill them all the time. That would have been way easier than trying to get on the basketball team.

      I’m kidding (mostly), but in all seriousness, I think that the attraction may have more to do with just the idea of literal all-consuming love and less to do with actual Edward. Trust me, you’ve met a lot of Edwards, and you’ve thought every one should spend less time at Hot Topic.

      Don’t burn my house down, Twi-Hards! Seriously!

      • You have really good insight into this whole Twilight thing. You seem to be very much in touch with your feminine side.

        Now hurry up and go watch some football!

      • Yes! All consuming love! That’s a way better answer than “Edward’s hot-tastic!” I remember Hubby Hubberson telling me that any guy who actually acted like Edward would have a restraining order slapped on his ass so fast his head would spin.

        • Yes, but if they LOOKED like Robward – that’s a whole other story!

          • Obvs, Shleeeigh, obvs.

          • They didn’t make em like that when I was in High School—-heck,they still don’t. He’s one of a kind.

      • Ok, seriously Font, what’s with your basketball obsession?

      • Honestly, I’m not certain it’s about Edward HIMSELF. Someone else brought this up on a forum. I was more drawn to Bella’s REACTION to him. We all know what it feels like to be THAT into someone. I really thing the pull of the first book, for me, was less about Edward himself and more about me identifying with how Bella FELT about Edward.

        I’m hesitant to say the Draw of Twilight is about Edward because I spent the other three books thinking Edward was the Biggest Douche in the Universe.

        What I’m saying is, if the draw of Twilight is all about Edward, how do you explain Team Jacob?

        • I’ve been trying to figure out Team Jacob for a long time now😉

          I think Team Jacob has grown over the last year because of Taylor Lautner. When I saw Twilight in the theater, the crowd erupted with cheers when Rob came on screen. This year the crowd erupted for Taylor.

          BTW – I’m 100% Team Edward. I spent all of Eclipse and BD thinking Jacob was the Biggest Douche🙂

          • I was Team Jacob before there was Taycob.😉

            Jacob and Edward and two completely different types of guys who attract women for completely different reasons. That’s why all the two teams gan do is agree to disagree at this point.

          • @chimaera2009 – Very true!!

            For the record, I liked Jacob in NM🙂

          • I think Jacob & Edward actually do have something profound in common: they both really love Bella & aren’t afraid to admit it, or fight for it, or sacrifice for it…*tears up*…sniff…rather than the charming modern day ‘I wouldn’t kick her out of bed (until I get bored)’ shallow nonsense.

            I think SM hit on something which is about the hunger of the human heart for a significant other who genuinely thinks they are special enough to pick out of the crowd, pay attention to, & commit to, without being ashamed of it. Both Edward & Jacob offer Bella some kind of long term deeply affirming love. At least that’s why my inner 15yr old loves them. Long hair & motorbikes plays its part too….

            It also has something to do with the amazement of your first truly requited love – when you cannot believe that this person you adore feels the same way about you. That’s magic right there.

            If I’ve told my husband that men can learn important things from Twilight once, I’ve told him…er…once- appreciated women are happy women.

        • Deep, Chim. Deep.

          • Balls deep.

          • TWSS chim

          • Is this going to be like yesterday only instead of gameshow refs…..

          • Yeah, it is. Nut up or shut up.

          • Aww, Pizz, you’re making me so blue.

          • Sorry, Sparky. Let me comfort you with some curry-flavored teabags. DRINK. UP.

          • You’re Nuts. In a really old and sweaty way.

          • After tea I’m making dinner. You like your gravy salty, right?

      • no i totally agree. i would never go for edward. that’s why some of us are team jacob!

      • Font,
        Thanks for responding! You are KILLING me! Moon, I’m jealous you get to spend the day with him!!

        Okay, you may be right about the all encompassing love thing. it’s definately about the emotions that are stirred between them. again for me personally, it was great to experience them again vicariously through these characters, but also depressing knowing that I’ll never have them again myself (unless my husband drops dead and i find a new man-not that i’m desiring that!!).
        I’ve met many Edwards in my life?? maybe men who are as polite, but none that are also “so beautiful it hurts to look at them”. I want the whole package (thatswhatshesaid). And I definately havent met any that sparkle- at least not with help from bath and body works 🙂
        And my obsession is no longer with edward, its all rob baby!

      • I rarely comment on LTT (my thing is LTR) but there is something hilarious and unbelievably sexy about The Font. Am I right? A masculine straight man admitting to reading Twilight and while not really liking it, continuing to read a Twilight blog – well, that is super sexy.

        Well done, The Font!

      • Font,
        For a second there, I thought you said, “thrust me…”

  4. Awesome letter🙂

    This is somewhat related.. I think there are more guys out there who actually like the books (even though I know The Font isn’t one of them) than the few who admit to it.
    A couple weeks ago I took my car in for an oil change and I brought NM with me to read while I waited. When I went to pay for it, I left the book on the counter. The dude who was at the desk – a cute, twenty-something mechanic in-training) hesitated for a second, and then asked which of the books was my favorite. Turns out he read them after being curious about what “all this shit” his sister was obsessed with was, and he actually enjoyed them.

    Yeah, the writing kind of sucks. But it’s all about the story! Perhaps it was my daily viewing of Cinderella when I was little, but I’m a total sucker for the happily ever afters.

    • Did you get cute, twenty-something mechanic in-training’s number? Can I have it? Thank you please.😉

      • It was my son. I raised him well.

    • I’ve seen guys reading them (before I knew about unicorns or I absolutely would’ve snapped a pic with my iphone!) at both the airport and a shopping centre (!).

      Do you know HARD it was not to approach said unicorn and tell him that he’d made the right choice… and ask him what his fave of the series was? I always want to dissect Twilight with fellow readers and a man’s perspective would’ve been a whole new angle!!

  5. Oh The Font!! Nice letter! The reason why I spend so much of my time SLATING these books/movies/actors is because I love them so much.

    And that, right there, is why women make no sense what so ever.

    • You made me semi-remember that quote about “you do not need to understand a woman to love her… on the contrary” or something like that. You get the gist.🙂

    • Women (most of us) have a great sense of humour. Guys tend not to get that. That’s one of their big mistakes….

      (I mean, if we didn’t have, why would we be with guys in the first place?😉

  6. First of all – Great Letter!

    Why do we love the books? Hell if I know. I ask myself that all the time.

    But I do love them. I love them so much I’ll anonymously comment on a blog about them. But I won’t admit to it in real life.

    But I love laughing at them too. I can appreciate how ridiculous they are. That’s why your letter is so good. You should write the summary that goes on the back of the books.

  7. Yes, Yes. I give him props. Here I go:

    Dear “the Font” (not the Fonze)-

    While I was reading, I oscillated between laughter and the desire to face-slap (not punch) “The Font” (funny name by the way).

    Well for me… hmm… 1st, thank you for acknowledging that even though “we” comment here, that we are still able to remain literate… but to continue, as you have no doubt noticed by ready the daily comments here, there are quite a number of us who are equally dumbfounded by our apparent obsession w/ the Twi-world. I do, for an obviously slightly inexplicable reason, love it more that would be deemed necessary by the average person.

    I used to work in a library, I say that to try to establish my love (read “adoration”) for books. I don’t know why I allowed myself to be whipped into such frenzy over this series, but it snuck up on me and here I am! Yes, I’ve read Midnight Sun & all 4 books multiple times… yeah all w/n this past year of 2009. But I want to clarify to you that in my love of reading I read a lot of other stuff too. I consider Twilight to be like junk-food (i.e. more like recreational reading) in comparison to the other literature that I read. But hey, everybody knows that “junk-food” might the BEST thing in the world for you but it has it own value and people love it… remember the key is: EVERYTHING IN MODERATION.

    So in conclusion Font, if I may speak for myself and others who comment here, thank you for reading our ramblings and epiphanies and random turrets-like rants… now that you too have purged and merged into the Twi-world, I want to thank you for your letter. You’re welcome to return anytime, “we” will still be here, reading, commenting and lurking.

    Sincerely, Ambushed

    • dang it… NOW I see the typos… and I meant ““junk-food” might NOT BE the best thing in the world for you but it has it own value”… sheesh… busted my own point!

    • I totally agree. It’s what I (re)read right before bed because it doesn’t take a lot of brainpower and puts mostly positive images in my mind before I pass out (with the exception of Breaking Dawn’s birth scene- *shivers*). I’m in graduate school studying philosophy/religion/psychology- why would I want to curl up and night and read that stuff? I want some romantic vampire fluff every now and again and dammit- I’m not ashamed of that!

      • I totally agree. I’m in graduate school studying economics, and most of my friends consider me a literary snob. But I like Twilight and I’m not ashamed of that! Okay, I am, actually… but not here! *grin*

        • EXACTLY… not here. Hahaha!

        • Agree with Bella, Char and Ambushed. I have a degree in English Lit and consider the Twi series “junk food,” as well, but I gotta have it and it’s a great escape from everything else going on in the world.

          • High Five for English degrees!

          • Ditto.

          • Me too! This is cute, ladies with Eng Lit degrees are representing

          • And psych degrees. I might know our obsessions are clinical, but I choose to ignore it, therefore I am (for all of you philosophy degree holders out there)

          • Yay! Philosophy degree shoutout! I’m collecting them like they’re going out of style.

    • I had something witty to say to you, but now all I can think of is that I want to give you a happy hug.

      • thank you! *hugs back*

        i’m sure it’ll come back to you (twss)

        • Let’s not get too optimistic!

  8. i dont know why i like it so much.. i think its because smeyer is such a cocktease that when she finally, finally, FINALLY gives you a little, your like “omg! that was the best thing ever!” give.me.more. like an addict. and then you read the rest of the series.

  9. I’ve read the entire saga only once (I got stuck at breaking dawn the second time). If there would be no such thing as the internet, all of it would have been long forgotten. I felt the same with the Star Wars and Kill Bill movies. The difference with twilight being that I discovered the saga during my annual vacation and spent that time trying to get my fix online. I also have a colleague who had been doing the exact same thing and we are now basically each other’s feeders.

    I learned it’s quite fun stalking Rob from the comfort of my home while getting some work done and shared many laughs with all these amazing people. It’s not just about twilight anymore, that just happens to be the thing everyone here has in common. If UC and Moon would start letters to Jason Priestley tomorrow, that’s where I will be. I will however not make Jasonporn.

    • You say that now, but when the time comes… you’ll be making Jasonporn. Take it from me.

      • ANAA, you can borrow jpgs from BNAA’s Brandon-on-Dillon porn folder to start.

        • hehehe no way in HALE! I’d rather name my daughter Renesmee than honorJason Priestley.

    • Jason Priestely? LOL!! Is it the sideburns? Is that how you fell for Rob as well…his “ode to 90210 sideburns”? you just made my day. though i have to say, i was more of a melrose fan myself.

  10. The Font! Love the letter.
    Are you like – Mike “The situation” from Jersey Shore? Cause thats the visual Im getting? Show me your Abs!

    For me:
    The books were alright with except for the WTF?? parts
    the Movie was okaaaaaay?
    Rob is D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S.

    As for UC and Moon……
    and IWL, StotheP, Robgirl86, Calli, Twimilf, southernbelle, misty, tupelohoney, janetrigs, midnightsyn, christina64c,
    moaninmymouth,theoldone, sharpie, Jellybean, Alice – NAA, minuit……and the others

    I cant start my day without them and I try to focus throughout the day on my duties of my RL. RL sucks sometimes…..where is it required to have three meals a day???

    Hello, My name is Tigerkitten and I’m a LTT/LTR addict

    • i have a feeling that he’s gonna love being asked if he’s “The Situation” I cannot wait for his response on that one!

    • Yes. Yes I am The Situation.

      Later I am going to go out and do some stuff that sure feels like date rape, but isn’t for legal purposes. Also, I tell people I’m 28 when I’m obviously 40.

      • oh good lord…

        and hey Font… to all of us who wrote you “letters” back… i expect a reply… like a good lil’ pen-pal.

      • How’s this for a comment…

        After your letter and above comment, I kind of love you. Possibly in a date rape way. Too bad there’s a husband involved.

        Zees “The ISBN Number” ’84

        P.S. Can anyone tell that I am having a ridiculously stressful day at work?

      • Oh The Font… I love you more for this awesome Jersey Shore response than I do for your letter.

        Fun fact: Zees84 (the fine lady right above me who also professed her love for you) and I both live in Jersey. I won’t call us Jersey girls because… we’re not THOSE kinds of Jersey, we’re the good kind. So if you ever find yourself out on the East Coast, we’ll show you a good Jersey time. Bring Moon with you, please.

  11. Dear The Font,

    Yes, the writing for this books sucks. Yes, if Anne Rice’s Lestat De Lioncourt ever met Edward Cullen he would probably laugh at it face so hard blood-stained tears would come out of his eyes (these vamps can cry).

    But the bottom line is that the story in the books calls out to something deep inside of everyone, in spite of how rational they might be. It is so LOADED with romance that you dismiss the bad writing, somewhat excessive possessiveness of our dear Edward, etc, and you just swoon (that’s what she said) and let yourself get dragged in. Can’t help it or understand why it’s happening when you know there’s better lit. out there, but you still enjoy it thoroughly.

    Most importantly, we can still perceive there’s a lot wrong with it and that’s why these beautiful blogs come to life.

    Trust me, knowing what the hale Moon & UC write about every day is reason enough to read Twilight,😛

    P.S.: Your drug got a little more kick now… all the comments are for you!

  12. Is the font cute and single?

    • I am one and a half of these things.

      • That’s all we need to know. You’re totes going to have a dozen fangirl blogs by tonight at 11:30pm. Now get an avi up already!

        • Ooooh
          Letters to “The Font” LTTF

          • i literally have tears coming out of my eyes I am laughing so hard! This site truly makes my day. I hate weekends when i cant visit it!! I wish we had webcams on all of us so we could all see how ridiculous we all are! I’d laugh till i pee myself.

          • As to not completely copy UC and Moon’s blog to both concept and verbiage, I think we should call it “Scribbles The Font”

          • @TS Scribbles the Font makes me think of Booboo the Clown. How about Font Scribbles. Or I-Want-To-Nail-The-Font.com?

            @Usualnurse, we don’t need webcams to pee ourselves. In fact, I think it’s better if the two aren’t connected in any way shape of form (peeing myself whilst reading LTT/R is basically a daily occurance for me. Am I right, ladies?)

      • This is essential information! Pleased to make your aquaintance Font – I hope you will grace us with your male perspective from now on!

      • which half?

      • semi cute or semi single ???

      • Semi cute or semi single ????

    • this is amazing! thank you all for giving me stuff to make the font blush about. HAHAHAHA

  13. The letters cool. You gotta love it. I love the sense of humor. The wit and sarcasm. Ann Rice and all those Buffy movies rolled into one. A cool one would be Buffy meets Hank Senior and Hank Junior and sings are you ready for some football or all my rowdy friends have rowdied on down. Or All ex’s live in Texas. by the way my wife thinks and knows I am nuts. I have the papers to prove it. Happy futebol. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • Bobbygee meets The Font! OMG the world may end today as universes collide and LTT sinks beneath the waves of testosterone.

  14. Dear The Font, (Ayeeee!)

    You rock the letter as hard as you rock the leather jacket! Two thumbs up! (geddit?) The comments keep me coming back too! UC and Moon inspire hilariousness on a daily basis and I LOVE the fact that the convos that continue in the comments only add to the LOL’s all day.

    Why do we love Twilight? Cause unlike what the media tries to portray, not ALL of us are fat, desperate, singletons who idolise Edward so hard our significant others find themselves waking up every morning with Vamperazzi body sparkles all over themselves. Yes there are crazies (just like guys who adore Rambo XII- Rambo vs.The Involuntary Bowel Movement) who blindly adore everything in the books and movies…from the Primate nature doco in Twilight to “Vampire cesarian for dummies – now with instructional DVD!” in BD. However, most of us are not said crazies. We just have a healthy yet critically hilarious obsession with a series that doesnt need a dictionary or Spark notes to accompany it…Like Star Wars…I mean EPIC story…but not Tolstoy right?
    Did that make sense? I rarely do…
    Love,
    Me!

    Morning everybody!
    The hamster sends out a care bear stare…

    • OHHH! Muah. Illegal, i utterly “heart” you. Did you catch my Fonze reference or did it make you think that too?

      Happy “middle of the night/morning” to you and i here-by whole-heartedly return the care bear stare. CARE BEAR POWER!

      • I saw yours after I commented cause when I started writing no one had said anything yet! Yeah I’m sooooo quick on the draw🙂 ! I was saying “ayeee” while reading the letter and then I squeed when I saw that you said it too! I love that we are totally synchronaaaaised…le sigh…
        muah muah!

    • Love the comment illegal! I tried tried the whole, loving Twilight is just like loving Star Wars, thing. My husband definitely wanted to face-punch me for that one.

      • That’s cuz the story of Star Wars doesn’t suck big donkey balls. You’re comparing apples and oranges. Try doing the “Loving all things Twi is just like loving the WWE” (or some other equally crap stupidity that dumb boys like. I personally favour IWL’s Rambo reference. Although, IWL, if a brain that comes up with “Rambo XII- Rambo vs.The Involuntary Bowel Movement” doesn’t fall in to the “crazies” category I dont’ know what does! You’re a right fruit loop woman!)

        • Haha, go rewatch Star Wars with your film critic glasses on instead of your nostalgic ones. You’ll see.

          • Oh yeah, and I forgot to say that I am excessively obsessed with Star Wars. That I am dating my boyfriend solely because he has the original Jabba the Hut action figure with the hookah accessory. We also have the “Sale of the droids” Tattooine scene from Episode IV set up on our fireplace mantle.

            *Note that I do not own any Twilight action figures.

          • TeamSeth, I detect a fellow Star Wars/ LoTR aficianado in you! The SciFi/Fantasy gene is usually only on the Y chromosome, but sometimes girls get it too, just like sometimes Twilight-appreciation can appear in the male of the species, rare, but possible.

          • to TS & theOO – i too am a big ol’ LoTR & Star Wars fan. Love ’em… if guys are the Unicorns for the Twi-world… what are we? Ewoks or Gollum”esk” creatures?

          • TS…. you make me laugh. here and in RL (and on twitter)
            “That I am dating my boyfriend solely because he has the original Jabba the Hut action figure”
            I knew it!!! I just knew it….

            said boyfriend is getting a Star Wars lego set for Christmas every year from now on till eternity.

          • Hmm, this is bordering on psychological or ethnological insight – how many more of us were into Star Wars big time at one time or another? Is that another piece of the feminine Twilight mystery puzzle The Font is trying to lay..?

            Is Bella…Leia? Is Edward a strange mix between innocent Luke and sexy Han? Is Jacob…Chewbacca? Aro must then be…the wicked Emperor? Then who the hale is Jabba the Hutt???!

          • Griffs, he prefers action figures to legos. Legos didn’t make it into his childhood household. just a heads up🙂

          • @Maria: Victoria is Jabba. And Riley is Salacious Crumb. Think about it, she’d totes carbon freeze Edward if she could.
            @TOO: Well, yeah. I got all three LOTR movies for xmas!🙂 And I already own the SW saga.
            @ambushed: Um…I’m an ewok. Don’t know about you… Though, Gollum is super cute when he says, “Go away!” to himself towards the end of Two Towers. And then in Return of the King when Sam asks him, “So, what were you doing then?” and he’s all, “Sneaking.” in that voice. So awesome. I heart LOTR. But I would rather be associated with a super cute, fuzzy being from the moon of Endor than a creepy self-loathing mur-der-er. Mmm, unless it’s Dexter.

          • aww… that was a cute comment. and i know what you mean about Gollum. But i am def a ewok. cute and hard to understand.

        • I’m a huge Star Wars fangirl, and even I can see it’s not the greatest story ever told. It’s more about the characters for me.

          Oh, and being a douche to Illegal is unacceptable, fucktard. http://bit.ly/7wWW30

          • Bringin’ the 8 ft. Bitch-slap out at half past noon!

          • That pic is AMAZING

        • I love Star Wars too but it’s just as cheesy as Twilight. True, the story is better but the acting is not. It sucks just as bad. The sad part is that Star Wars has 100x better special effects then Twilight and Star Wars in ancient. How is it that they can make blowing up a death star look more realistic that Edward running really, really fast?

          I was trying to throw something out there that my husband can relate too. It backfired… big time.

          • Because all the special effects in the world can’t make Rob run like a dude, God bless him.

          • Because they really blew up a model. Whereas you can’t make a model Rob. I guess they could’ve CGIed all of Rob’s running scenes…

          • “True, the story is better but the acting is not. It sucks just as bad. The sad part is that Star Wars has 100x better special effects then Twilight and Star Wars in ancient” that’s exactly the point I was trying to make Caliente. You get thumbed up for it and I get thumbed down.WHat gives? Oh well, sucks to be me. FML.

          • I love this conversation. I myself am a massive sci-fi nerd, and believe you me the quasi-arguments on this site, or more importantly other Twi sites filled with the illiterate crazies we love to poke fun at, are *NOTHING* compared with the shit sci-fi nerds can dish out about their drug of choice.

            Star Wars is teh awesome, but there are lots of stupid little things which make NO sense when you’ve watched them eleventy-billion times, amiright? Star Trek gets just as bad.

            And all the NReed-haters have got sweet f-a on the “hate with the fire of a thousand suns” that SW fans have for Hayden-Darth Vader was apparently a whiny bitch-Christensen. Sweet F-A!

        • Abs…fruit loop…now I’m thinking of prunes…a threat to all bowel-kind.Dont make me write the script now ya hear?

          (Great bathrom humour..if that doesnt make me a great platonic BFF I dont know what does…)

          • 😉 Glad you know I wasnt’ trying to be a douche…was a little worried you might. I love your fruity mind girl!

            *passes fruit-cake cupcake of friendship….it’s got kiwis in it of course*

    • Epic but not Tolstoy! Here, here!

    • Doooods, Let me clarify, I love Star Wars with the force of a million tornadoes raging in a can of Dr. Pepper (which I am yet to try). I have been an uber fan ever since my parents let me watch it at an innapropriately young age. I am NOT comparing my love of Twilight OR Twilight itself to Star Wars, I know that they are on different planes, just saying that the story lines deal with fantasy and that you dont need an Arts degree to follow the plot.

      p.s. Yes I still cry when Hans gets frozen in carbonite…

      • I first saw that scene when I was about 11 or 12 & I was sooooooooooooo traumatised. I loved Han so much.

        • Just googled it and realised I wasnt even born when It came out…I must have watched it ridiculously late like 12 years after it came out…Who lets their child watch that at the age of 6? *shrugs* Meh…I turned out alright I guess… bahahahahahahaha….

          • whose parents? my parents, well at least it was really my dad’s doing… and i love him even more for it! *wink*

      • Your proclaimed love has no meaning because I know you’ve never had Dr Pepper!

        • The focus was on the container and the sheer force of my love smooshed in it. I just picked DP as a shout out to my twinsie…NEVER doubt my love for SW. It will only. get. ugly…..😉

  15. I suddenly feel very self conscious. Commenting on this blog usually feels very natural to me. The posts usually give way to related or completely random discussions and lotS of good times. The ladies here just get it, that’s all. And we’re all aware of our inexplicable obsession with all things Twilight and this is the one place we can say: That’s normal. Because I genuinely can’t comprehend what is it about Twi that has me all sucked in.
    And please, don’t be a stranger, join in the comments sometimes. Maybe it will help solve the mystery if you partake in our twi-randomness.

    P.S. Did you enjoy TammyO?

    • I was going to say something rude, but then I thought “I don’t know this The Font dude. He might get offended if I say that”. And out of respect for Moon I self-edited (sort of).

      • Yeah, I decided to play nice. Wait.. was I rude? This is just weird, Font being Moon’s friend and all.

        • It’s worse if you hold back. Then I feel bad for shitting on the thing all of you love.

          Also, Moon doesn’t like me that much. Go nuts!

          • I was just going to reference gizmo’s PS of “did you enjoy TammyO”. I of course was going to turn it in to a highly sexually charged in-yer-end-o…but then if you’ve been lurking you probably already know that about me. I’m a perv.

          • ‘YOU SHIT ON MY HOUSE MAN. YOU SHIT ON MY HOUSE’ (I don’t really know what a “topical joke” is, Font, but I imagine that it’s probably what I just made. And I don’t expect you to understand it. That one was just for my ladieeeees)

          • Awww abs…was that for me? And to think, I almost didn’t read through all the comments.

          • 🙂 (but I still can’t remember his name…he’s still the “you shit on my house guy”)

        • Oh.. ok..

          Who the f*ck do you think you are?! Where do you get off bashing our dream lay?! A guy who would give us mixtapes in RL? Excuse me? FYI, Edward doesn’t do mixtapes, he would rather eat penguins for the rest of his life than own a low quality sound medium!

          Better?😉

          • Edward most certainly DOES NOT make mixed tapes. He creates his own piano music and records it on a high quality CD.

            Geez, get it right, Font😉

    • you shouldnt feel weird do you know how many people visit this blog on a daily basis and never comment? besides you inspired one to write a letter… feel coo

      • Do YOU know how many visit and never comment? Tell us! I’m curious.

        • Me too!

        • I think it might take them a while to build up the courage. We are some scary b*tches

          • me. i’ve read every day since march 2009 and i’ve never commented. because i don’t want to be THAT person.

            you know.. the person that cares… but i do.

            so so much.

  16. Dear The Font,
    You should know that for most of us intelligent, literate women we have asked ourselves that very question: “Why the HELL can I not stop reading this crap!!” I am having a difficult time coming up with that answer. The closest I have come is to realize that the Twilight Saga is just fluff. It’s silly and ridiculous and just really, really fun. I think that most of us enjoy the guilty pleasure of reading something that is not serious, not earthshattering…just something that is entertaining.

    I think it also appeals on a deeper level (no matter how much we deny it) to our love of fairy tales, true love, the prince and princess living happily ever after. We stop our feet and scream “Women’s lib!!” but secretly we love a story where some beautiful man sweeps us off our feet. We realize (well, MOST of us) that it’s not reality. I think that’s what makes if so fun.

  17. Dear The Font,

    Chicks dig Twilight cause they ain’t getting no vampire ass (just like Bella!). 😉

    I actually ask myself why I still like this abomination of YA literature. I can’t figure it out. I do kind of like it. But I don’t really want to read it anymore. I want to read Twilight fanfic but not because it’s classical. And I usually hate canon fanfic. I mean, I’ve seen Edward (Read: Rob) the vampire, I want to see him as a tattooed, cupcake loving hawty with his cock pierced! Is that too much to ask?

    In all honesty, I think that I only come here day after day because UC & Moon are awesome and write hilarium posts that crack me up. And then, like you, I’m a comment whore. Until after 2pm and I can’t keep up anymore without slashing someone’s tires.

    And my favorite locas would probably show up on my front door step if I decided to disappear off the internet. Don’t wanna explain that to anyone.

    Fangy

    PS. COMMENT DUDE!

    • A cupcake loving tatt-boy with his cock pierced?! I love you.
      Epic and unexpected, Fang.

    • I mean this is a loving and respectful way: dudes with cock piercings will give you venereal diseases.

      • Oh, also, vampires will make you into a vampire. Kind of a one-two punch there.

        • … like a clone…

        • As if an eterinity of guilt and feelings of being “a monster” weren’t enough…could you imagine topping it off with genital warts. UGH!

          • I heart you hard for that, AV.

          • The girft that keeps on giving!

      • That is precisely why I only read about them. 😉

      • Note to self: stay away from the font and his cock ring.

        • I just downthumbed myself….stupid iTouch. BTW, if you are randomly downthumbed, it’s probably me and my techtarded ass.

          • Oh goodie, from henceforth if and when I might ever be given a thumbs down I will blame your techtarded thumbs. It’s truly quite amazing the power of a simple thumbs down (or thumbs up).

        • Finally, my dick has been talked about on the internet! My mother will be so proud.

          • SEE @Usualnurse; I just peed myself from laughing too hard at The Font’s pride at having his weiner mentioned on the internet. No webcam required!

      • They put the STD in STuD.

    • i think thats why we love darkward from WA.

    • You’re darn right we would come a knockin’ on your door. How many people are listed as “Fangbanger” in your little town?

      • I just had a revelation.

        I call myself “Fang” (yes, in real life. Duh) and yet my name is “fangbanger”. Does that mean I wanna bang myself?

        How awkward.

        • [insert masturbation joke here]

          [insert “insert” joke here]

          • Have I told you lately that I love you? ‘Cause I do.

        • I sometimes feel the need to give a double thumbs-up but can’t. This is one of those times.

  18. Just wanted to add that after reading some other comments I agree that Twilight is sort of like literary “junk food”. You know twinkies (insert your fav junk food here) are bad for you. You know they have no nutritional value whatsoever but that doesn’t stop you from liking them, right? In fact, you might like them MORE cause you know they are so bad for you.

    Excellent point, Ambushed.

    • thank you! *takes a bow*

  19. Dear The Font,

    That was a great letter, and I feel like making a bad Twilight joke about how our comments are like a drug to you. Unfortunately, that might be the best comparison I can make. Twilight is like a drug. And not a glamorous, expensive prescription drug, but a street drug. That you kind of feel embarrassed about using because you’re probably too old to start dabbling with drugs, but you just can’t stop yourself.

    The way I have explained this to other people, is that I read Twilight during sort of a rough patch in my life, and it was just really comforting to read a love story. I don’t really believe in fated love, but something in me needed to know that I live in a world where people still want to believe that such love exists.

    Why do I stick around? I think if I had never found LTT, the Twi-obsession probably would have cooled off. UC and Moon are like the red koolaid. And I drank it happily. They know it’s ridiculous to be so enthralled with this franchise, and so they mock it, but they secretly love it or they wouldn’t keep doing this day after day. They aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves for it. They get it. Most of the women who comment here also get it. And it’s so rare to find people who get it. (It may or may not also have something to do with the fact that there are a lot of attractive men involved in the Twilight movie franchise, and I’m not above ogling celebrities.)

    The fanfiction obsession, now, that’s a different story entirely…

    xo
    tuesday

    • “It may or may not also have something to do with the fact that there are a lot of attractive men involved in the Twilight movie franchise, and *I’m not above ogling celebrities*”

      love it Tuesday!!!!!

      • I think she means guys like this or like this.

        @mountainlion, first pic’s for you too!
        @tuesday, omg, how old is that pic of bewley? shaved head and all!

        • Somehow you keep producing pics of BB that I’ve never seen before. Have I told you how much I love you lately? Also, I am digging short-haired Bewley… mmm… just enough to run my fingers through.

    • mmmmmmmm, Twi-koolaid.
      Ooooooh yeeeeah!

  20. Why do we like it? We just do. Who can really explain it? But honestly, like several people already said, its not so much about the books anymore as much as having a funny blog to read everyday, fun people to comment and re-comment and thumbs up and thumbs down and all sorts of shananegans that go on here!

  21. dear Font,
    personally, i think my twi-love boils down to a few core reasons.
    1. when i read it the first time, i was going through some things involving a close guy friend and the man who is now my husband that made me relate to (and get very emotionally invested in) the love triangle in the books.
    2. i know you think bella is boring, and i won’t disagree, but i’m basically just like her, even to the accident-prone, danger-magnet tendencies (ask anyone that knows me in rl) so that was another level on which i related. i think a lot of girls see something of her in themselves because she’s not too specific of a character, and that she was written that way on purpose to give an easy point-of-entry to the story, since it’s all from her perspective. it probably didn’t work on you because you’re a dude.
    3. i like looking at pretty boys, and twilight has more than it’s fair share.
    4. i’d be over it now, or getting there; if it wasn’t for all the friends i’ve made here. even if i wanted to stop commenting, it’s not allowed. thank you for giving me something to talk about today.

    please join the fun and comment sometimes! we’d love to have another boy join the party!
    (i promise not to tell anyone)

    • We want you to comment cause we luuuurve you…Now do it again tomorrow…or we will shun you…😛
      aww u know I❤ u….

  22. Awesome letter – you are definitely a brave & confident dude to agree to write a letter acknowledging your obsession with the comments section of this blog. I sure hope Moon doesn’t use this as leverage to convince you do to her evil bidding …like holding her place in line at Hot Topic for an autograph while she hits an In-N-Out & gets a pedicure (wink wink, moon)

    About the saga, I have no idea why it is so captivating but I’d venture to guess it has a lot to do with it representing most young girls ‘fantasy’ of being swept of their feet by the most handsome boy in school mixed with taming the untameable. Don’t hold me to that theory tho.

    It’s a great, effortless, escape from reality.

    • They do pedicures at In-N-Out?

      • I was wondering just that!

      • that would be heaven on earth if they did. or at least deliver.

  23. “Oh, the comments. That’s what keeps me coming back, ladies. You have no idea. I start, and I go until my little heart can’t take any more. They’re like my own personal version of low-grade methamphetamine’s, except that they’re distributed by WordPress and not biker gangs.’

    This is the best part. I’m in love with our comments too. However, I’m in L=O=V=E with Twilight and even though some of us (including me) are extremely too old to be fangirls, I let out the hugest squeal myself when I saw Jacob shirtless in New Moon.

    Let the guys rant over Twilight. They’ll one day figure out how to be sexy undead guys with chests molded from marble, or even hot, super hot wolves with abs cut like diamonds.

    When they learn that secret, we’ll calm down on the hype over Twilight, till then, let us have our fantasies.

  24. Dear The Font,

    Comment virgin right here. That’s right. Poppin’ the cherry just for you baby.😉

    Like everyone has said before me, I know Stephanie Meyer’s not a great writer. She just happens to be an awesome storyteller and a huge cocktease. I resisted the books a long time but finally gave in the week New Moon came out this year. I read all the books (including Midnight Sun) and saw both movies in 8 days. I literally did nothing but read. A Twi-coma. My hubby was terrified for my mental sanity. He was looking up rehab facilities online. But then he found blogs like Letters to Twilight and Twitarded and saw just how much worse off I could be. He’s still scared of the books. Refuses to touch them for fear of their supernatural powers. Of course, I don’t want him to either. Both of us wearing “Team Edward” shirts would be a whole nother type of problem!

    The books probably wouldn’t have become more than an embarrassing guilty pleasure if it weren’t for the ah-mazing people like UC and Moon! The inside jokes, the collective fantasies, the mocking…. Bliss. I love wearing my “Jasper Says Relax” shirt and seeing how many people “get it.” Of course, when I forget I’m wearing it and girls start giggling and pointing at my chest, I get a little self-conscious. Even my sister and I, who have never really got along, bonded over the books, even though she is obstinately Team Jacob. But we buy each other stupid little Twilight things for Christmas and randomly text each other lines from the books. Still have no idea why it brings out such strong reactions in people but I’m definitely enjoying the ride….

    baber

    PS – There, I did it. The cherry is popped. Now where the hell are my feathers?!

    • HAHA!

    • “strong reactions”! – that is the honest to goodness truth. my dearest gal-friend (who i have been pumping full of Twi-mania and plot info over several months time) was all into the story, watched Twilight w/ me (& really liked it) and then on the DAY when she & i were planning going to see NW, her husband opened his mouth and FORBAID her from going to see it. OHHH! you have never seen a more pissed Twi-fan than me. I was SOOOOOO mad at him and he still continues to be a jerk about it. i wanted to kick him in the…. ahem… sorry, i still get a bit upset by it…

      *end of rant*

      • Seriously? He FORBID her to go see it? She should dump his ass. I’m just sayin’.

        • he sure did… and we had soem words, trust me. but in general they are happy w/ each other… i just had to reevaluate his friend status to me though…

    • Welcome to comment-dom, baber! Your point about the books having supernatural powers–they are kind of like kryptonite for men!

    • welcome out of lurkdom baber!!!!!

    • Please keep commenting, baber. I think I kinda love you for you wearing a “Jasper Says Relax” shirt.

      • It is my most favorite shirt ever! I wear it like once a week. I’ve even worn it to work. (What can I say? I’m a graphic designer. I can get away with shit like that! Woo!) My hubs hid it once to see what would happen. Wasn’t pretty…

    • Same with me! I am a Twi-newbie, stumbled upon Twilight over thanksgiving and now I am almost finished with BD, just found this blog today. I am in the same boat, my husband is laughing at me and is ready to lock me up.
      This blog literally knocked me laughing off of my office chair. So glad to stumble in here!

      …and yes, like almost everyone on here, I am too old and know better than to be partaking of the twi-koolaid.

      • never too old!

  25. The Font! LMAO!
    Are you more like Lucida Handwriting or Rockwell Extra Bold?

    • I feel like he might be Comic Sans.

      • Comic Sans?! What did I do to you?!

        • Don’t you know?! That’s a compliment. Watch this – http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1823766

      • I wonder if he’s Kristen ITC or Felix Titling ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkyoujustmight.

    • I just hope he’s not Calibri. No one needs another default.

    • i LOVE font jokes.

  26. I don’t know why this series affected me as much as it did, why after reading them I needed more and found this blog. Sure it may have been my life was blah at the time and the books gave me some escape or it could have been I’m a chick lit fan and love the happy, fantasy ending. I don’t know…I’ve wondered about it many times, but can’t put my finger on it. The books aren’t written well and her female protagonist is filled with flaws, but yet I don’t seem to mind. I equate Twilight to cake. It’s filled with sugar and fluff and not good for me (I ignore RL responsibilities, read fan fic and devour “news” about movie stars way too much) but it makes me feel happy. So I’m just gonna keep on doing it.

    PS-awesome letter!

    • I agree! Also it doesn’t make you fat.

      • it doesn’t? dammit; i had totally been blaming these xtra lbs on twilight…

        • A ‘banging Rob’ Wii Fit game would help with that.

  27. i love being in touch with my inner teenager. would i want to go back to that age— HALE no. but some days i really don’t want to feel 40 something. and reading this blog and twitarded keep me laughing and crying and peeing myself.

    @Elicia– squeeee away, his abs deserve that and more.

  28. I’m so glad that this was my first day back after like a seven month absence. Yes it is the comments on LTT/LTR that feed the obsession. If it wasn’t for UC and Moon I probably would have stopped with the twilove a long time ago. I guess their kind of crazy is just what I need!

  29. See, I left you a love note the other day, but that may have been on LTR. I gave you a shout out, calling you Comic book guy. I will continue to call you this, it’s like our own little personal connection through Moon.

    Comic Book Guy –
    My best guess at why so many women are addicted to this novel is this: most women felt average among their peers in HS and dreamt of that cool mysterious loner guy to see something brilliant within her and choose her out of everyone else. Think My So-Called Life, Angela and Jordan. While the writing in Twilight is pretty basic, SM does an amazing job of capturing the heart of teenage angst. It brings me back to when I’d count down the minutes of a class just so I could rush out of the room to strategically place myself in view of my crush as he passed me in the hallway.

    BTW, I did not miss the fact that you referred to a Buffy Fan fic. Dude, do you read Buffy Fan fics??? lol I’m sure as you are the Comic Book guy, you know that Buffy lives on as a Comic book. Right? right.

    hmm, wonder if you’ll respond back…
    Brooke

    • Just so ya know …the whole rushing out of class to stategically place myself in view of my crush in the hallway …I DID THAT TOO!!!

    • Listen. Jordan Catallano was WAY cooler than Edward. Also, realistic, because he couldn’t read.

      And I stopped reading fan fic as a child, because I realized that most of it was just going to be the main characters having really graphic sex. Get me really drunk some time and I’ll tell you about why The Beast and Iceman still make me uncomfortable to look at.

      • lmao at your take on ff. so true! and Jordan Catalano was one hot, illiterate bitch *sigh*….i’m sorry, where was i? (child of the 90’s, can’t help myself)

      • Jordan Catalano, he was the original plaid-clad mancandy.

        • “Plaid-clad mancandy”

          I have found a new favorite tongue twister!

    • YES Brooke, Yes. I agree with you wholeheartedly there – SM does an amazing job of recapturing the really stupid and immature things we used to do and think as teenagers

  30. Hi, Font – can I call you that? K, good.

    Excellent post! I won’t rattle on like I like to do, ’cause everyone’s already done such a great job of explaining our obsession.

    However, I will ask a favor. Would you be so kind as to have a baby and name it Sarcasm, and let wordpress adopt it? We promise not to imprint on it. Awesome. Kthnxbai.

    • Heart you!

    • Well, we might imprint on it, but it’s okay because it’s not really a romantic love, right?

  31. The Font:
    My husband refuses to bash me for reading Twilight anymore because it leads to “more sexy time” for him.
    Four (epically long) books worth of sexual tension and build-up and four (or 5) movies featuring Robert Pattinson leads to a whole new baby-boom for this generation. Quite frankly- no man in his right mind should be complaining about Twilight if for no other reason than it’s getting him more booty than he would be getting usually.
    Because we all know- having post-Twilight sex is NORMAL!

    • This is most definitly a reason for husbands/boyfriends/males in general to not hate on the whole Twilight business. It has not only disadvantages for them if their wifes/girlfriends/female in general read the books/fanfic.
      (sorry for using way too many slashes…)

    • may you be blessed for saying that, for real! LOVE IT! it’s just SOOOOO ture! ha-ha-ha-ha!😀

    • They’re all going to catch on sooner or later that it’s a total Jacob/Edward thing. My hubs is starting to catch on that there is significance to the body glitter, lipstick, and jorts I lay out for him on “date nights.”

      • haha he’s a quick one. you’d better watch him, sparkles…

      • Wait a minute, you combine the jorts and the glitter!? I never thought of trying that . . . .

      • LOLMAOFF Etc etc!! (rofl and such?)

        @Sparkles you made me laugh and cracker crumbs went all over my computer.

        “significance to the body glitter, lipstick and jorts I lay out for him…”

        I am just imagining my husband in jorts! OMG there I go laughing again!!!
        (took me a whole minute to type this because of laughing)

        • HAHA! Your hubs in jorts. Priceless.

      • He’s got the V, ok? I’d be remiss to not decorate him with glitter and jorts. 😉 (if he knew I was on here making up stories about jorts and glitter…..)

      • You really do that?! I awe you… That’s awesome!!

        I would give you ten thumbs up if I could but I have to stick with 1…

        • No! Omg, no. If hubs was letting me enforce a jorts-and-glitter to bed rule, I wouldn’t just be questioning his sanity ifyouknowwhatimsayingithinkyoudo

          • huh… That’s kinda sad…
            But I think no guy would be willing to do that. At least not the one’s I know of…

  32. Dear Font,

    thanks for bringing in the male’s perspective on the subject. It’s pretty interesting hearing about a male’s thoughts on the books we all love so much. And it’s even more impressing that you have actually read the books and therefore know what you’re talking about.
    As for why I love the books so much (I’ll only speak for myself): I started reading them after I saw the Twilight Trailer and fell head over heels over Rob (yeah just thumb me down Taylor-lovers). But I got hooked with the story itself pretty fast. It’s just a cute story, easy to read and reflects all the feelings 17-year olds have (believe me; I was 17 when I read the books). After having read lots and lots of books I have to admit that I haven’t found another one that is affecting me the way Twilight did. Maybe the reason for loving it is that it’s ‘not well written’. I just know that I have never been in the whole Harry Potter hype that was going on and that I am not one to join hypes but I am really happy I did join this one.

    Don’t feel embarassed for being different,
    Bleriana

    • true-true… i’m not into HP at all either.

      (but as a partial side point, Font only read Twilight, didn’t bother w/ the others)
      🙂

  33. Oh Font, as if you didn’t have me already with your hilarious letter, you complete me with your name choice. (font nerd)….

    Here is something I think men do not understand, and as a woman of a more ‘elevated’ age around here, I have had a lot of time to think about this…..Sometimes we like things because they are bad! (not that Twilight is bad….just not that great, like you said) My husband came in last night and saw me watching 16 Candles and said why are you watching this? It is so bad and dated. I banished him from the room for blaspheming, of course. Another time he caught me watching old 90210 episodes, and just rolled his eyes and walked away. He just doesn’t get it, yet can spend hours watching golf on tv. ….snore……

    Sometimes my life is really complicated, I have 2 jobs, 2 kids, a mortgage, car payment, a bunch of crap I volunteer for….etc, you get the picture…At the end of the day, sometimes, I just want something that’s EASY. After a busy day of running all over town, cooking everyone’s food, dealing with their laundry…etc…. I find it difficult somehow to settle in and read Gravitiy’s Rainbow, or pop Nights of Cabiria in the DVD player…..see what I mean? I want an escape, a fantasy, something fun and easy to digest.

    And any story loosely following a Pride and Prejudice storyline will win with us every single time. Entire books have been written on that topic! I am sure I repeated a lot of what was said, I responded before reading comments, I was so excited about your screen name, FONT.

    • You’re brilliant. Both for your explanation that makes perfect sense, and for your love of Sixteen Candles. You and I are so alike in our love of awesome things (Arrested Dev, fonts, etc), but yet we still have soft spots for crap like Twilight and Sixteen Candles. Awesome.

      • speaking of ArDev., i have Tobias Funke “the never-nude” in So many things that i have never noticed him in before! it hilair! Monday night i was watching “She’s the Man” (don’t ask) he’s the principal! and yes, that reminds me of you…😉

      • You know, we often comment at the same time, too. Is it possible we are the same person? haha.

        We DO love the same awesome things! And I often agree with your opinions on the very important subjects around here…..:-)

        • and that right there lapushbaby demonstrates exactly why we all keep coming back here (well, one of the many reasons anyway). Meeting other like-minded lunatics Normal people and connecting with them….which would never have happened in the outside world.

        • We’re either the same person or soul mates.

      • Michael Anthony Hall under the glass coffee table, “JAKE!” best movie. I could totally watch that over and again and I believe I have. Also, I have to agree that significant others totally benefit from us reading Twilight, watching Twilight as well as reading fanfiction. I myself had a lovely evening the other day after reading FF for an hour or two and rewatching NM🙂.

        • Mr LPB was actually in the room at the end of the movie when they kiss, and managed to keep a straight face when I sighed and said, “Oh Jake Ryan….” which was really smart of him….haha.

    • Oh if only I knew you and you lived nearby… when I finished reading that I would’ve gotten up from my desk a driven to your house and asked if I could give you a hug. Did you reach in my head and pull out that experience/comment? You dear ma’am, are a kindred-spirit.❤ x 1,000! THAT is the reason for the depth of love of things Twi that I couldn’t form into words first thing this morning! So THANK YOU! Consider yourself hugged. And I hereby *high-five* you b/c I totally agree w/ everything you just said…

      • LPB, HB and ABT–triplets separated at birth?

        • ❤ – or at least a genetic gene splice…😉

          • LOVE kindred spirits, I do!!

  34. Dear Font,
    Loved the letter!! I recently cringed through all four books for the second time! I know, I know, the writing is not that good, it;s just that the story brings me back to my youth somehow and something that I miss in myself is back .I know it sounds corny, but when your 46 married to a 52 year old going on 15 years of
    marriage, a big house in the suburbs with a big mortgage, cars, kids, bills, etc., etc., you really think,

    “HOW THE F**K did I get here?!!” . No one told me that this would be so hard and somehow I found this and it brings me back to a time in my late 20’s when I enjoyed music, reading thoughtful intersting things and traveling and enjoying life more.

    Plus the sex, it’s really picked up the sex life because that angsty teenage shit really does something for me!

    I know the writing sucks, but I cannot write like that and don’t have the imigination of SM and I still marvel that a housewife in AZ pulled that out of her brain!
    Bravo to her!

    Keep scanning the comments Font!

  35. I like you, The Font.

    The best I can come up with is that it’s kind of every girl’s teen fantasy come true. I was that really normal, plain girl in high school. I’m kind of still that really normal, plain girl now. I’ve always been a good kid, never did anything too crazy. As a result, you sort of go unnoticed by the vast majority of people. But in Twilight, the normal, plain, average girl DOES get noticed, and it just so happens to be by the absurdly gorgeous, wealthy and mysterious “cool” kid who’s just a little dangerous.

    Guy friends have asked me to try to come up with some kind of equivalent for them, but I can’t. I think the closest I ever came to making it relatable was saying “imagine you’re the geeky kid that flies below the radar in high school and all of a sudden the head cheerleader wants nothing more than to bang your brains out and brag about it to everyone in your Geometry class.” But even then… still not the same.

    And while it may make us all swoon, that doesn’t mean that we’re all looking for an Edward or a Jacob. There are qualities to both that I think girls appreciate – I like the chivalrous side of Edward, the “good guy” side of Jacob. But if you really try to dissect their characters, it’s a feminists nightmare – all of this “leave me and I’ll kill myself” and other manipulative shit? Yikes. I do not actually want an Edward, but it’s a fun fantasy world to get lost in every now and then. My ladyboner for all things Twi is fading, and fading fast… but the stupid thing will always have a place in my heart for making me feel all tingly and school-girly while I wasted my weekends by the pool last summer. I’m really here for Moon and UC’s hilarity, now.

    And I promise not to tell your brothers if you promise not to tell everyone I know that I obsessively read and comment on a Twilight blog. Deal?

    • Your comment brought up a good point that I was going to write in mine – but I sort of got sidetracked and figured my comment was getting too long so never got to it – that while woman might fantasize about someone like Edward (or remember a time in our lives when we fantasized about a guy like him) we don’t necessarily want a copy of Edward. He and Jacob are the embodiment of many qualities we highly appreciate in men (chivalry, ‘good’ guy, etc) but at the same time I think most of us don’t expect or want guys to be that way in real life. I think it would be a major bore/annoyance to live with an obsessive protector like Edward or a manipulator like Jacob for the rest of our lives. I suppose this makes no sense how we can love Edward and Jacob but not really, realistically want them permanently. They’re a part of an alternate world/fantasy land and I’m ok with leaving them there.

      • …that is, leaving them there most of the time. If Edward or Jacob walked by and wanted a little rendez vous on Isle Esme with me for a few weeks… I’d be ok with that.

        See how it makes no sense???! Honestly I have no way of explaining this. Women are just crazy I guess.😉

        • I think it does make sense! There are plenty of qualities or attributes that I find incredibly attractive, especially in a fictional character, but that would drive me batshit crazy in real life!

          For instance- jealous boyfriends are HOT in stories. In real life? Just annoying.

          The things that make us happy in real life (like a healthy, functioning relationship with no conflict) would be quite boring to read about….

    • imagine you’re the geeky kid that flies below the radar in high school and all of a sudden the head cheerleader wants nothing more than to bang your brains out and brag about it to everyone in your Geometry class.” But even then… still not the same.

      Bravo!! Awesome!!

    • Oh, and THIS:

      “And I promise not to tell your brothers if you promise not to tell everyone I know that I obsessively read and comment on a Twilight blog. Deal?”

  36. Dear The Font,

    First of all, thank you for your letter and for the compliments (?!) well, I suppose they were mostly compliments…

    Many have taken a stab at defining our love of Twilight this morning so I’ll give it a shot too. When I first read them, the books tapped into something almost primordial that’s difficult to explain. Twilight (as in, the first book) takes the reader back to a more innocent time in our lives when the concept of “love” was not known; it was a mysterious, pure and epic possibility. Edward is the embodiment of every woman’s fantasy male; strong, intelligent, sensitive, loving, fiercely loyal. Yet, flawed and tortured, which makes him ‘real’ (hello, he wants to kill Bella)… although the flaw conveniently adds to the tension in the story and consequently makes the whole concept of falling in love with Edward that much more exciting. The story of Edward and Bella is reminiscent of Cinderella and Prince Charming or Romeo and Juliet, which has tapped into the emotions of women (and men!) for generations. It’s a character and emotion-driven story, rather than an action-driven story, which I think resonates better with the female psyche. And Stephenie, while not the writer (technically speaking) that, say, our friend Tolstoy was, is every bit as much of an amazing storyteller as any one of the authors of classical love stories.

    I certainly understand the addiction to LTT comments. They’re hysterical and addictive, and have gotten me through many a work day. It’s so comforting to know there are other women out there who have super intellectual and professional reputations in “real life” but are as in love with Twilight as I am / something so many in “real life” don’t get. And everyone here has an amazing sense of humor (or sarcasm) which is what makes these comments so darn entertaining. Thanks for coming out of the woodwork to voice your appreciation of the comments. And I hope you will comment once in a while too!

  37. The Font,

    First off, your “handle” makes me think of that song “The Fonz” by Smash Mouth. Now I have Smash Mouth in my head.

    I actually really obsess with this blog and not so much Twilight. To the point that I’ve started writing a screenplay about it, all Julie & Julia style (don’t watch that if you haven’t already), except more emotionally captivating and less Hollywood-like, with slightly non-linear storytelling.

    I have read all the Twilight books though and watched the movies. Mulitple times. And I finally broke down and bought a used version of Twilight: The Original (which isn’t the actual title). But, for Christmas, my super awesome sister, GriffsSayWhat, gave me I got a little bottle of Absolut from Buttcrack Santa, not a Twilight themed merch item. I think that shows where my Twi-Priorities lie.

    Honestly, you and I are alike in comment reading. Except that, well, I comment back.

    Nice topical joke.

    -TeamSeth

    ps-I hope you’re smoking hot and banging Moon, I mean, just sayin’… have you seen her? Apologies if this postscript was too forward.

  38. Oh, Font. You don’t have kids, do you? You are also lacking a vagina (obviously) so let me break this down for you.
    As a 27 yr. old with 3 little boys and a husband who is the epitome of guy, I don’t get a lot of requisite girl time. I’m stuck wiping asses, encouraging my sons to not wipe whatever fabulousness they wipe out of their noses into eachothers hair, and discussing the pros of keeping their hands off of their junk in public. I need my escape world! The book is not that fantastic and yes, Bella’s kind of a douche. I read it for the sleeveless button down shirts and the cockblocking. No, seriously, I read it because something about vampires gets me all hot and bothered. I welcome the distraction. Who doesn’t want a little over the top monster romance to make you forget that your child painted his crib with poo that afternoon?

    • I feel like I need a shower after reading that. Um, yuck.

      PS – I also had to read your third sentance multiple times before I realized you wrote “lacking” and not “licking”. I’m just going to go ahead and repress the memory of your comment altogether.

      • Abs, you’re killing me. Take a nap and start again, k? Pretend it never happened.

      • WTF? OK, I realize you’re probably some 14-year-old boy who hates Twilight because the girl at school you like won’t date you because sparkling > acne, but this is getting ridiculous.

        • Just to clarify, that was aimed at that ab fucker up there, not Spizzle, who is awesome.

          • I gave you a thumbs up cuz StothePizzo is awesome.

      • No kids or girls? Because something tells me you haven’t been introduced to the fabulous world of a house full of boys.

    • I think you need a spa day. Or just a really strong water hose.

      I’m actually thinking about cutting and pasting my Twilight copies with some fanfic. Bella needs a hoodie, some form of baked good, and a boyfriend that actually wants her to come.

      (Yeah, it’s no “cock,” but it counts for my daily cringe.)

      • Am I not allowed to say cock now?

        That just makes me want to say it more.

        COCK!

    • Oh Sparklecakes, I sympathize with you. I have two boys and a husband, so the testosterone level in my house is pretty high.

      Never in my life have I been into romance novels, but I blame my Twilight obsession on living with a bunch of boys.

      I have to have something “girlie”.

    • so true sparkles. It is so nice to take a mental escape from mommyland and get sucked back into girl land. The other night when my daughter pooped in the bathtub, I thought, “thank god I don’t have the ol Edward or Jacob olfactories”.

      BTW- still laughing at your Jorts and sparkles comments.

  39. Ok, I am an admitted stalker of this blog and the comments, without every commenting. I have to read it basically every day along with my coffee in order to start the day out right. Since there is another stalker coming out in this letter, its inspired me to jump on. I cant answer why we all love the books so much, but I had a thought the other day I wanted some feedback on. A friend of mine at work borrowed the first book and started reading it, but after a while had to return it. She has had some relationship problems in the past, and she said the writing brought back feelings that she wasnt comfortable with. It reminded her of the slightly off, obsessive feeling one can get when they are in LOVE with someone who doesnt love them back, or in a bad relationship where they think waaay too much about their partner.
    This made me think a bit. Is this why Twilight is so obsession creating? First loves are sweet and pure and oh so stomach fluttery at the best of times, but they are also obsessive and mind warping at the worst of times. Are we all hit with a collective case of this? Is Twilight like a first love gone bad? Every since she brought this up it has been on my mind, I have been dying to find an appropriate venue to discuss it.
    Or maybe I just over think things 🙂 Dont get me started on my feminist argument that people who think Twilight is bad for girls are being mysoginistic themselves…..

    • Majorly awesome thought. I agree that Twilight is a “bad romance”. I mean, first loves are obsession-making and you never forget them. (I think I’m still not over my first love and I’m engaged to be married to someone else…is that bad?! LOL. Not that I really want to go back to that first love. In my mind he’s still 16. Probably not still the case.) Edward is the total embodiment of that “first love” in more ways than one. Frozen in time… so bad and so good… amazing and agonizing….etc

      “Dont get me started on my feminist argument that people who think Twilight is bad for girls are being mysoginistic themselves…..” —- hmm I wouldn’t mind hearing, especially since I think I’d probably agree!

      • Yeah, do get started on your feminist argument! And I totally misread that sentence until reading operarose’s comment. So…possibly just ignore my comment below (which I don’t even remember what it says now even though I wrote it seriously 1 minute ago.)

        • Well, basically, I feel like people who say tout “Twilight is bad. Twilight will make young girls want a man who watches them sleep and doesnt let them see their parents. Twilight is oppressive to women.” are basically implying that young girls (or adult women, or old women, or anyone who cares to read it) are not smart enough to figure out the difference between fiction and reality. So, isnt that in and of itself a mysoginistic arguement? Are you the all mighty protector of all fragile delicate females? Please dont let our puny little minds read this book, because we might forget who we are and start looking for sparkly cold dudes who crawl our windows at night!!
          I get really riled up when people try to use that arguement that its not emotionally healthy for “young girls” to be reading because of that. In that case, I better keep my daughters away from, say… the bible? cause I certainly wont want her having sex with her dad. Or any Jane Austen books?? because I dont want her to think that she has to be concerned about getting married before 21 so she doesnt turn into a spinster…

          • Bravo!

          • So well said!

            When I was a teenager I loved reading “Gone with the Wind”. I certainly did not look up to Scarlet O’Hara and hope that someday I could manipulate my way into marrying for money/power.

            I guess I could decipher between real life and a book, because, you know, I have a brain.

          • @toooldforthis, you didn’t “plan” on manipulating a man into marrying you for his money/power. But then you ended up doing it anyway…😉

          • @TeamSeth – Oh how I wish! The man I married has neither power or money.

            I married for loooooove, baby! (In retrospect, Scarlet O’Hara was on to something!)

          • Amen to that, I also married for love. My Grandma gave me a card when I graduated college, with three pieces of advice inside. It said:
            Marry for money.
            Marry for money.
            Marry for money.
            🙂

          • Amen, amen!

          • did you hear that?

            That was my womens studies degree being revoked… sad day for me 🙂

      • on the topic of first loves, I recently found a picture of my first love on facebook, and I cant lie, I wish I hadnt!!!! Totally ruined the mental picture I had of him now. I wonder if Twilight will be like that for me in 15 years or so….

    • My mother thought that the movie was a giant flashing neon sign for mothers to give a breaking it down LMS style on how to spot a guy that you don’t want your daughter to date.

      I think that if girls read Midnigth Sun, it’s actually helpful in seeing the “other side”. Because SM writes Edward as always giving Bella a choice to get involved with him and always telling her not to get involved with him and why she shouldn’t. Because he’s dangerous. She just doesn’t listen. Of course, a truly selfless guy would have just disappeared, like he does in NM, and never come back. Except he would’ve done so earlier. This has been discussed before, and no one agreed with me. Or they all offered an excuse about long and pulling emotions and etc. Which is sort of to the point of your comment.

  40. Dear The Font,

    Are you single? I’m not, but my DH is a little guy. I’m sure you could take him.

    Why do I like Twilight? You get a few chapters in, and your vagina just TAKES OVER. That’s the best I can do for you.

    I’d write longer, but thanks to Twitter I can’t seem to form thoughts more than 140 characters long…

    • i love you chimmy. and the fact that your vagina is behind the wheel.
      “let he who has the steerage of my vagina direct my sail.” or something…isn’t that how it goes?

      • Why do I wanna make some joke about Manual Transmissions?

        • I don’t know, but DAMN I just realized it’s time to get my oil checked. Off to find some lube and a dipstick . . .

          • lol forever. you guys rule.

          • Weekly tune-up? ok…pervefail…*whines* I dont wanna play anymore…
            No one asked you to Illegal…
            But but…
            NO ONE asked you to Illegal…
            ok….

        • Because for some reason, the comments today are super sexually charged. Maybe it’s because you’re actually commenting today, or maybe because a male wrote the post and that just gets us all hot and bothered.

          • Ah, yes, that’s probably true. *Wonders if The Font needs his fuzzy dice adjusted*

    • Oh, chimaera. How many forms of beautiful was your comment! First, the Tay avatar. YUM.

      “My DH is a little guy. I’m sure you could take him.” Totes love you for saying that ‘OUT LOUD’.

      “vagina just TAKES OVER” Uh huh. Fo sho. Way to put in words a male can grasp.

      And the Twitter thing – SO with you on that one. Twitter is like my replacement imaginary friend from age 5.

      Hearts to you. Muah.

  41. Hey Font:

    YOu had me at:

    My brain has a mental countdown that tells me when it’s been long enough that I can bring them up and having Edward to Bella’s homework. I loved hearing a man’s perspective.

    Hope to see you back here often and don’t hesitate to visit LTR, too.

    mountainlion

    • meant to say “having Edward ‘do’ Bella’s homework”…thanks again Mr. Font.

  42. Dear The Font:

    Congratulations on a very funny entry. It totally met and/or exceeded my expectations.

    As to why women enjoy these stories so much, I don’t think I can offer any new information at this late stage in the day, but I can give a piece of advice if you’ll allow it: Don’t rack your man brain over this. Utopia, like Edward, is fun only in the imagination. Enjoy the mysteries.

    That being said, you, sir, make me laugh. So if you want to completely disregard what I’ve said in the form of writing another hilarious entry, please do.

  43. Dear The Font, UC and Moon

    Last night, while watching New Moon (AGAIN), I had an epiphany I just had to share with someone. I knew I could only share it with a fellow female, and therefore I smsed my friend at university…

    I was so excited! As we all know (every girl knows), finding a man like Edward is impossible! The man makes me weak in the knees when I think of his words. My head feels hot and I feel like passing out when I see him walk towards bella from his volvo.
    Who else can recite Romeo and Juliet with a more brooding warrior voice than he can? and he plays piano!

    So my epiphany is this… I am going to walk around with a twilight dvd and introduce it as then new man in my life, the future father of my children! One day the technology will be so advanced that I can have a USD port inserted and we can make beautiful babies!

    He will never cheat on me and will love me just the way I am. I can look at him whenever I want, and I can even walk around in my pj’s and not care about what he thinks. I can go out with my friends without him and not have to worry that he will mind. I can tell him my deepest darkest secrets and he will never tell a soul!

    What do you think of my idea???

    • HAHAHA cupcakechanel you cracked me up. Never thought about smth like this. But you don’t have to wait for the technology to be so advanced. Just kidnap Rob. Even though he doesn’t have the advantages of a tecnically non existing Edward…

      • Lol! I am glad you enjoyed my fantasy😛
        I could kidnap Rob…. That would take months of planning, lost of duct tape and twinkies…. yes…. the twinkies….
        IT CAN BE DONE!!!!

  44. I think for me it’s the sheer ridiculousness of the whole series.

    You’re sitting there reading this book, and for the love of God, you can’t stop yourself. Like a pint of butter pecan, you cannot stop yourself. But that little voice in the back of your head is just telling you, screaming at you, why the hell are you reading this?!

    You’re thinking to yourself, not one.. NOT ONE person in the whole big publishing company got to the part about sparkly vampires and subsequently laughed their assess off? The head honcho didn’t even question the suicide, imprinting, eighteen year old’s getting married, c-sections… etc… and say “Now, hold on for just a second here.” Before he signed off on it?

    It’s like the guiltiest of guilty pleasures because you KNOW it’s bad, beyond bad, and your questioning your sanity the entire time. Then you find other people that are into it and and got just as suckered into it as you did. And you rationalize to yourself that your not crazy after all.

  45. Oh The Font…. I wish I could explain why I love Twilight. I just can’t. I loved the books way more than the movies so surely it can’t be because of the fuckhotness that is Robert Pattinson. Right? I mean, I hope I’m not that shallow, but who knows if some ugly dude portraying Edward would have killed it for me.

    Just being honest here.

    I’m a married, mother of two with a great degree and a fantastic career and I can honestly report that I have been stalking Twilight related things on the web for well over a year now. My hubby just rolls his eyes and reaps the benefits of the fanfic. He just doesn’t know it.

  46. I think you’re on to something here. Twilight probably does hold the key to understanding gender dynamics. Even I would like to better understand how some girls feel about this book. Specifically the ones who say things like “it’s the most romantic love story ever”. Which I take to mean they haven’t read/watched many love stories because…..come on, seriously?

    I think my affection for Twilight is probably something akin to my boyfriend’s affection for “Conan the Barbarian”. Inexplicable, slightly embarrassing, and and just horribly wrong in the best way.

  47. I think I have figured it out.

    B&E fall in love instantly. The only ‘does he/doesn’t he’ is a result of his wanting to drink her blood, which isn’t a problem that many of us will face.

    Then the only challenges to their love are, again, a result of him being a vampire and are so extreme/dramatic.

    So they fall in love instantly, never question that they are actually in love, and only need to over come challenges that we will never face, so maybe we can just have the fall in love part and find our soulmates in high school and live happily ever after cause no vamp is after our sweet sweet blood.
    /Twiphilosophy

    now bring on the twiporn.

  48. I’m usually a lurker myself but today I HAD to comment and say that I loved this! So funny and so true.

    Great job The Font!! Good luck with that “social utopia” thing!

  49. Dear The Font,

    I like you. I know you’re thinking, “But, Katie, you dont’ even know me!” I do though. I know all I need to know.

    I know you are secure enough in your manhood to read LTR and admit it (sort of). I know you are listening to your inner female. I know that if you let a woman you are interested in read this post you will most likely get to bang her. You have US and StephMeyer to thank for THAT one.

    Keep reading, new friend!

    • I’m going to print this out and keep it in my wallet.

      • Good plan!

  50. I’d also like to add for the record, that I believe SM’s writing improves exponentially throughout the series, it’s just the story line that’s questionable (read: demon baby).

    • agreed! drastic improvements to the quality of the writing as the series goes along!

      • Couldn’t agree more!

    • Agreed! The editing and story line are what get worse. Coming from someone who hardly ever self edits, that is saying a bunch!

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